"The doctor said I have to massage my balls while sitting in a warm bath." -Rice Cube


Why? What happened to them?

We've been watching "The Passion of the Christ" in class lately, so I brought it up wondering what SmarterChild would say.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
The Passion of the Christ

- SmarterChild says:
i know about jesus. he's a person!

talking about jesus is a lot of fun, but let's move on. what else is up?

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
My penis.

- SmarterChild says:
i don't feel like talking about that.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Why not?

- SmarterChild says:
why not? u tell me.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
You prefer talking about your own?

- SmarterChild says:
i thought we were talking about jesus.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
You're right, the man is well hung.

- SmarterChild says:
i wouldn't say i'm right the man is well hung.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Blasphemy?

- SmarterChild says:
what about blasphemy?

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Good, I'd lay low too.  The man throws lightning bolts.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Marilyn Manson covers a lot of artists

Medusa says:
remakes is wut ive always called them

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
"Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)" was a cover of the Eurythmics

Medusa says:
i thought he took that from madonna

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
;D  No

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
I can't imagine him covering Madonna

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
I'm trying to picture Marilyn Manson covering "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

Medusa says:
he would make all her songs listenable

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Marilyn Manson could probably make any song at least decent

Medusa says:
that would be hilarious

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
He's like Midas, everything he touches turns to gold

.. Yeah, Madonna didn't sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun".

.. Yeah, Madonna didn't sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun".


Cyndi Lauper sang that. ;D

Cyndi Lauper sang that. ;D



Impressive, Howard.

Impressive, Howard.


I swear, as soon as I read your post, right before I scrolled down to Howard's, I thought "CYNDI LAU--" and then--yeah.  :-[

Tyler:  Start getting off.


Er...he was talking about leaving the computer.

"you look like i need a drink."

david sedaris

My friend and I were discussing our weight earlier and I was bitching about my other clothes. Yeah. He rules.

Me: I'm determined to get back into my smaller clothes.
My friend: Sew them all into one muumuu
My friend: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: OMG
Me: you so suck ;D

- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (8:30 PM):
i know about hatred. it's an emotion.

by the way, i've been told that hatred is an emotion i feel for u. do u agree?

tv commercial

things are getting sexier, yet less expensive.

Brian says:
what music do u like
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
hmmm lemme c... panic! at the disco, sean paul, my chemical romance... those r some of my favorite musicians.
Brian says:
ru emo?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
i know about emo music. it's a music genre.
Brian says:
do u like emo
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
no way. emo music is terrible. i don't like music genres like it.

tv commercial

things are getting sexier, yet less expensive.


referring to what?

-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
...  :)?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
who knows?
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
Not I.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
what?
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
I don't know.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
well think about it then.
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
I'm trying really hard!
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
is it nice 2 be trying really hard?
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
No.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
it's not good 2 be trying really hard? why don't u say it's good 2 be trying really hard?
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
Trying really hard is just hard.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
so?
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
So... it's not nice.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
what do u not like, exactly?
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (4:20 PM):
The hardness!
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (4:20 PM):
that's cool. u don't like the hardness? that's the first time anyone has told me that.

Brian says:
do robots have sex?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
i believe robots do.
Brian says:
do you have sex?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
robots do not have sex.

???

*as I put down a cup of tea on my husband's computer desk*

Hubby:  What's that?
I: Tea
Hubby: Tea?
I: yes, tea.
Hubby: What did you bring that for?
I: For you to drink, while you are working on the computer...I've brought you hundreds of cups of tea before...
Hubby: What's in it?  *still has a puzzled look on his face*
I: Sugar and milk
Hubby:.... OH!  TEA!!!  oh ok, I was just confused, I was so focused on my computer work that I wasn't understanding what you were saying.
I: umm...ok alright.  :)
Hubby: Can you make a pizza later?

Casey (4:14:33 PM): It sounds like my mom is talking to a whale on the phone.
Casey (4:14:37 PM): Or an octopus.
Me (4:15:01 PM): Why do you say that? Do you hear their voices coming from the phone?
Casey (4:15:08 PM): Yes!
Casey (4:15:30 PM): "Yeah, that's true..." "squish squish squish" "Yeah, that's a good idea!"

"haaaaahhahaaa.....I never thought he'd know what "de plane, de plane" would mean!"

some guy after teasing a very short man in the bar today

Casey (4:14:33 PM): It sounds like my mom is talking to a whale on the phone.
Casey (4:14:37 PM): Or an octopus.
Me (4:15:01 PM): Why do you say that? Do you hear their voices coming from the phone?
Casey (4:15:08 PM): Yes!
Casey (4:15:30 PM): "Yeah, that's true..." "squish squish squish" "Yeah, that's a good idea!"



...http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y181/A_VictimOfYou/Playfulpuppy.jpg!!!!!

Lieutenant Dangle nearly throws up and says to Deputy Weigel: 
"don't ever say I'm having colostrum  leakage from my nipples again"


Reno 911

Lieutenant Dangle nearly throws up and says to Deputy Weigel: 
"don't ever say I'm having colostrum  leakage from my nipples again"


Reno 911


LOL  I like when they said that Garcia smelled like Zest and beans. ;D

...http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y181/A_VictimOfYou/Playfulpuppy.jpg!!!!!



Have you ever noticed how much Sky looks like a Native American dog? Those Indian Chiefs!

Everytime Carlos drinks a beer he always has it in a glass. Last night he opened one and started drinking it from the bottle. I looked at him in amazement and said:

"You're drinking beer from the bottle?"

Carlos: "It's only Heineken."



Cat

  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
I have bronchitis.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
Try chatting with my friend Spleak. Add spleak@hotmail.com to your Contact List and say hi - she's cool!

Do you like having bronchitis?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
No.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
Oh no?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
It's a disease.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
No way? Really?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
Yes.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
Why?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
Because it's comprised of cell-manipulating bacteria.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
Oh yeah? Because it has comprised of cell manipulating bacteria?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
Yes.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
Yeah, huh? So?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
I'm dying of this virus.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
No kidding?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
No kidding.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
No kidding?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
No kidding.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
No kidding, huh? Oh?
  Dixie Whiskey  "Tiefe Brunnen Muss Man Graben, Wenn Man Klares Wasserwiss...." says:
Dude, I'm dying.. please have a little more sympathy.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says:
That's odd.

>>> Want to have fun? Ask me to play hangman.

From the Weather Channel website:


THE FLOOD WARNING CONTINUES FOR THE LAKE CHAMPLAIN AT ROUSES POINT. * UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE ...OR UNTIL THE WARNING IS CANCELLED.


That sounds like a Yogi-ism to me.




Cat

While Chris and I were driving golfballs...


Chris: Man, I have a LOT of balls left in that bucket
Me: Yep, and in the end...you always have 2 left. ::) ;D :D

While Chris and I were driving golfballs...


Chris: Man, I have a LOT of balls left in that bucket
Me: Yep, and in the end...you always have 2 left. ::) ;D :D


:D :D

My husband and I got in an arguement last night and this morning we had a brief exchange and he bitched me out once again and then said, "I gotta go.  I'm gonna be late!" and then he stormed out of the house. 

My three year old looked at me and said, "He so didn't let you talk." ;D ;D

My husband and I got in an arguement last night and this morning we had a brief exchange and he bitched me out once again and then said, "I gotta go.  I'm gonna be late!" and then he stormed out of the house. 

My three year old looked at me and said, "He so didn't let you talk." ;D ;D


hahaa...that's hilarious! Kids say the funniest things. Vaughn calls me babe all the time. He'll be like, "So, babe, what do you wanna do today?" :D ;D

My husband and I got in an arguement last night and this morning we had a brief exchange and he bitched me out once again and then said, "I gotta go.  I'm gonna be late!" and then he stormed out of the house. 

My three year old looked at me and said, "He so didn't let you talk." ;D ;D
she is too funny, how cute was that  ;D


one of my co-workers: so the company no longer provides us a safety lunch for 3 months accident free time period.
me: you sit at a desk all day and deserve a lunch for that?
another disgruntled co-worker:everybody fall out of your chairs now since we no longer get a lunch.
another co-worker: somebody give me a pair of scissors! I'm gonna run around the office with them!

A discussion between some co-workers:


Dorothy: (to RJ)....You think I'm beautiful RJ, don't you?
RJ:  (jokingly) ya...you're beautiful...beautiful as a train wreck!
Me: Hey...that's not nice! Train wrecks aren't beautiful
RJ: That depends
Dorothy: A train wreck would be beautiful if my ex was in front of it. :D :D

hahaa...that's hilarious! Kids say the funniest things. Vaughn calls me babe all the time. He'll be like, "So, babe, what do you wanna do today?" :D ;D


;D  What a cutie!

one of my co-workers: so the company no longer provides us a safety lunch for 3 months accident free time period.
me: you sit at a desk all day and deserve a lunch for that?
another disgruntled co-worker:everybody fall out of your chairs now since we no longer get a lunch.
another co-worker: somebody give me a pair of scissors! I'm gonna run around the office with them!

A discussion between some co-workers:


Dorothy: (to RJ)....You think I'm beautiful RJ, don't you?
RJ:  (jokingly) ya...you're beautiful...beautiful as a train wreck!
Me: Hey...that's not nice! Train wrecks aren't beautiful
RJ: That depends
Dorothy: A train wreck would be beautiful if my ex was in front of it. :D :D


;D ;D

I miss the ridiculous conversations I used to have with my co-workers.

;D ;D

I miss the ridiculous conversations I used to have with my co-workers.
it can be entertaining at times. It's all in the timing

Katsushiro says (8:13 PM):
awesome!
Katsushiro says (8:13 PM):
omg dude!
-  D o m i n i c - I Know You'd Rather See Me Gone Than To See Me The Way That I Am, But I Am In The Life, Anyway says (8:13 PM):
OMG!
Katsushiro says (8:13 PM):
my car blew up last week!!

after waiting in the main waiting room for 20 min at the eye doctor today, I was sent to the little private room to continue waiting for the Doctor another 10 min. I overheard this bit of conversation while waiting

patient: Do you have a restroom?

office assistant:: Yes we do.  The door right there in front of you, the one with the sign that says restroom?  that's it.

after waiting in the main waiting room for 20 min at the eye doctor today, I was sent to the little private room to continue waiting for the Doctor another 10 min. I overheard this bit of conversation while waiting

patient: Do you have a restroom?

office assistant:: Yes we do.  The door right there in front of you, the one with the sign that says restroom?  that's it.


hahaaha..sarcasm at its finest! ;D

hahaaha..sarcasm at its finest! ;D
truly it was  ;D  and I wanted to give that office assistant karma for being so bold

at the grocery store today:

Butcher to two female customers: "Can I help you ladies find anything?"
Lady to butcher: "no thanks, we'll find something. You have nice meat"
Butcher to lady: "Why thank you"

at the grocery store today:

Butcher to two female customers: "Can I help you ladies find anything?"
Lady to butcher: "no thanks, we'll find something. You have nice meat"
Butcher to lady: "Why thank you"




hahahahaa....that is freaking hilarious! :D ;D

hahahahaa....that is freaking hilarious! :D ;D
yeah, it made me smirk  ;D 

I was called into work tonight, so I voluntarily did a few hours.. I was on a quick break to the Men's Room, and I overheard a bit of conversation between two people... women in their late 30s, early 40s.

Woman #1: I don't care if he calls me "Grandma", "Grammy", "Carol" or what, I'm gonna kick that kid's ass.
Woman #2: He's only 5..
Woman #1: I don't give a sh-t, I'll beat his ass.
Woman #2: Hm. Does your food taste like piss?

I didn't catch the rest, but I cracked up walking.

as I am walking through entrance to grocery store, a mom is placing her child in shopping cart seat;

mom: "do you have to go potty"
child: " no"
mom: "that's ok, because I have to, and daddy does too"

{tonight, when I got home after my game}

Lady Di: "well, did you win?"
me: "of course"

at the grocery store today:

Butcher to two female customers: "Can I help you ladies find anything?"
Lady to butcher: "no thanks, we'll find something. You have nice meat"
Butcher to lady: "Why thank you"



;D ;D

;D ;D
this one was my favorite too. 

this one was my favorite too. 


I bet the guy wanted to bust up.  Of course I'm sure they hear that stuff all day.

I bet the guy wanted to bust up.  Of course I'm sure they hear that stuff all day.
I'm sure he wanted to and those ladies were probably embarrssed after they realized what they had said.

I was called into work tonight, so I voluntarily did a few hours.. I was on a quick break to the Men's Room, and I overheard a bit of conversation between two people... women in their late 30s, early 40s.

Woman #1: I don't care if he calls me "Grandma", "Grammy", "Carol" or what, I'm gonna kick that kid's ass.
Woman #2: He's only 5..
Woman #1: I don't give a sh-t, I'll beat his ass.
Woman #2: Hm. Does your food taste like piss?

I didn't catch the rest, but I cracked up walking.


That's awesome!

One of the kiddies today,she's six years old...

Girl:"Isabel,do grown ups ever say yes?"
Me: "Yes,see i just said it"
Girl: "Yeah,but you're not a grown up!"

:-\\ :-[

One of the kiddies today,she's six years old...

Girl:"Isabel,do grown ups ever say yes?"
Me: "Yes,see i just said it"
Girl: "Yeah,but you're not a grown up!"

:-\\ :-[



Ah, I wouldn't be sad by that.  You look like a grownup to me.    :)

after waiting in the main waiting room for 20 min at the eye doctor today, I was sent to the little private room to continue waiting for the Doctor another 10 min. I overheard this bit of conversation while waiting

patient: Do you have a restroom?

office assistant:: Yes we do.  The door right there in front of you, the one with the sign that says restroom?  that's it.



When people come to the house and ask us if we have a bathroom, I tell them no. I then tell them that we have a tree out back.  :D ;D ;D ;D ;D




at the grocery store today:

Butcher to two female customers: "Can I help you ladies find anything?"
Lady to butcher: "no thanks, we'll find something. You have nice meat"
Butcher to lady: "Why thank you"




That is SOOOOOO funny!!!




Cat

i heard billy thorpe now owns a store where he sells dollhouses. not sure where i heard that from.


Kate Pierson's Lazy Meadow Motel is in the Catskills.

- (10:02:12 PM): Dominic!  It's me Lori  I'm using Hayley's computer
Museum of Idots (10:02:39 PM): Oh, okay.
- (10:02:43 PM): She is reading Harry Potter DOWNSTAIRS - she cannot stand the heat up here in her room!
- (10:03:04 PM): How was your first day of work yesterday????
Museum of Idots (10:03:25 PM): Alright. I was just wondering if she wanted to hang out tomorrow!
Museum of Idots (10:03:31 PM): And it was okay, a little hard..
- (10:03:54 PM): After school??  Remember tomorrow is her last day.  I could have Ralph take her to Livermore - maybe I can take you guys out to lunch?
Museum of Idots (10:04:26 PM): Okay. Anything's fine.
- (10:04:14 PM): Pearstin would have to go too.  I'm babysitting.
Museum of Idots (10:04:35 PM): That's okay, too!
- (10:04:38 PM): Ah, you like him don't you?  Admit it, you like the Dora stories!
- (10:04:41 PM): :)
Museum of Idots (10:05:25 PM): That was very Hayley-esque. I do like him.
- (10:05:49 PM): She's out at 11:15. They'll probably get to Livemore at 11:45 or so.  Yes, Hayley has learned from me!  Or me from her... that is debatable!
Museum of Idots (10:06:32 PM): Okay. I don't have work, so anytime is good.
- (10:07:05 PM): OHMIGISH!  Hayley would hate it if she thought she was doing something "like me."  Let's say, I learned from her!  I emulate her because she's "cool" and I am not
Museum of Idots (10:07:37 PM): I am... confused.
- (10:07:23 PM): Hee,hee
- (10:08:42 PM): You said my comment was Hayley-esque - I implied that she learned FROM ME... but you and I know that she would not want to emulate me - it's not cool to be like your mom....
Museum of Idots (10:09:10 PM): Oh, yes.
- (10:10:03 PM): So, what was your first day like??? Hayley told me about your bosses comment - he sounds like a total jerk!  Do you think he'll be tough to work for/with??  I guess it's only for the summer and you're pretty easy-going - so if you "ignore" him, you'll be okay.
- (10:10:29 PM): Know what I think?  Or do you care???
Museum of Idots (10:11:30 PM): Well, it was confusing, because of all the customers and there were many demands at once... and I'm new and all. The weird thing is, my manager says vulgar things, but he is friendly about it... which also confuses me!
Museum of Idots (10:11:35 PM): And... What do you think?
- (10:11:33 PM): I think, after his comment about "******s" - that he was fishing to see what your response to "do you have a girlfriend would be?
- (10:11:47 PM): God , is he gay???
Museum of Idots (10:12:22 PM): Are you saying that he wants to be my boyfriend?
- (10:12:36 PM): Well you are cute!  Do you think so??
Museum of Idots (10:13:04 PM): I guess so. Although, he did say he has a wife and kids.
- (10:13:50 PM): Oops. I messed up because Hayley just came up here and yelled at me for being on AIM.  I meant do you think he wants to be your boyfriend - not "do you think you're cute!  Ay.yi.yi - she's really mad at me





That is a very weird talk to have with your girlfriend's mom, I must say.




oh wow...I thought you were talking to her younger sister or something...then I read the statement above about talking to her mom!!! :o ???

At work today:

Jay:  Look at Marshal!  Are you fu-king that nail, man?
Me:  *pulling nail out of board*  I am fu-king the goddamn shit out of this nail.
Jay:  That's the way you do it!
Preston:  What did he say?
Jay:  He's fu-king the sh-t out of that nail.
Me:  C'mon, ALMOST THERE...*pulls nail out*
Jay:  YEAH!  That's the way you DO it!
Me:  ...the board just came on me.

At work today:

Jay:  Look at Marshal!  Are you fu-king that nail, man?
Me:  *pulling nail out of board*  I am fu-king the goddamn shit out of this nail.
Jay:  That's the way you do it!
Preston:  What did he say?
Jay:  He's fu-king the sh-t out of that nail.
Me:  C'mon, ALMOST THERE...*pulls nail out*
Jay:  YEAH!  That's the way you DO it!
Me:  ...the board just came on me.


That sounds about right for low-wage jobs. Typical McDonald's conversation aside from the true gems is mostly this:

Jeremy: You see that chick in the lobby?
Me: Dude, she's f--king, like, 13.
Jeremy: Pfft, no she's not.
Me: She's wearing a MIDDLE SCHOOL volleyball t-shirt!
Jeremy: Maybe it's her sister's or something.
Me: She also looks 13.
Jeremy: Whatever.
Me: I'm telling you, dude..
Jeremy: (yells loud enough for customers in lobby to hear) I'VE GOT A BIG DICK!
Me: (ducks to not get in trouble) DUDE! Why did you do that?
Jeremy: So she'd know.

^, ^^ -

Wish I could swap with you guys for a day.

Here is a typical conversation I have at work.

"Hey, is the TLOD around?"
'Yeah, he's in the back, who should I say is here to see him.'
"Dave from So-Co."
'Ok, I'll give him a call.'

...waiting..waiting...waiting... TLOD's voice comes out through the speakerphone -

'Hi, this is Doug, what did you need Dave?'
"Do you have those CCAR's for me?"
'Yeah, but they're not done yet, do you need them right away?"
"ASAP if at all possible Doug."
'Ok, I'll have the DLOD get on it.'

Then I sit there like a goon for an hour twiddling my thumbs (I've started carrying a small library in my trunck) -

'Hey Dave, here's the CCAR you needed.'
"Alright Doug, thanks a lot, I'm going to head over to HRH now in NC and then get back to So-Co and check all this out."
'Ok, take care.'
"You too Doug."


After that I'll go do some brisk grocery shopping, have some dinner, and hang out at a record store for a while before finishing up for the evening.  ;D

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Which way do you swing?
- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
only the finest way.

How Could Hell Be Any Worse - When Life Alone Is Such A Curse says:
Which way do you swing?
- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
only the finest way.

- D o m s - "We Don't Really Like What You Do, We Don't Think Anyone Ever Will..." says (9:26 PM):
Which way do you swing?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (9:26 PM):
Wow, you ask interesting questions. I'm just not sure how to answer that!
- D o m s - "We Don't Really Like What You Do, We Don't Think Anyone Ever Will..." says (9:26 PM):
Anyway you'd like.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (9:26 PM):
I would like? You really think so?
- D o m s - "We Don't Really Like What You Do, We Don't Think Anyone Ever Will..." says (9:26 PM):
Yes.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (9:26 PM):
Aha.

>>> Be sure to type "help" if you're having trouble.
- D o m s - "We Don't Really Like What You Do, We Don't Think Anyone Ever Will..." says (9:26 PM):
Which way do you swing?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (9:26 PM):
Only the finest way.

‡-Hammerheart-‡ says:
Mexicans.  Your take.
- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
no thank u. i'm squeaky clean.

and in this city (8:59:37 PM): so i herd u liek... mudkipz?
TopTrig12 (8:59:45 PM): That, and exotic midget dancers.
TopTrig12 (9:00:06 PM): I seldom eat the dancers though.

damn popo
and in this city (9:01:48 PM): Oh, I've eaten the dancers before.
TopTrig12 (9:01:52 PM): I'm not denying that.
TopTrig12 (9:02:05 PM): But incarceration is a bitch.
and in this city (9:03:11 PM): Oh... well, I didn't actually... mean it that way.
TopTrig12 (9:03:16 PM): Ohhhhhhh...
and in this city (9:03:36 PM): Err... have you tried their babies?!
TopTrig12 (9:03:40 PM): ...
TopTrig12 (9:03:55 PM): Infant Cunnilingus?
and in this city (9:04:07 PM): No!
TopTrig12 (9:04:03 PM): ...No.

TopTrig12 (9:04:17 PM): Although, now that you mention it...
TopTrig12 (9:04:23 PM): ....I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fascinated.
and in this city (9:04:29 PM): I hear cooking them like turkeys is rather nice.
and in this city (9:04:50 PM): Well, whole pigs, because they get fat.
and in this city (9:05:11 PM): Just pop an apple in the mouth, baste, and you're all set.
TopTrig12 (9:05:56 PM): That would get me a harsher sentence than last year's three counts of aggravated dental sodomy.
and in this city (9:06:50 PM): Hiding the evidence always works.
TopTrig12 (9:07:06 PM): I tried to.  In the girl's fucking mouth.  But look how that worked?  Three times.

After a long conversation with this guy at work, he left and as he was leaving gave me a really sarcastic "..and you just have a great evening there."

to which I replied

".. and you just have fun sucking my dick, ok."

Smiled as big as I could.

Needless to say he looked stunned, it was so f**kin funny, as soon as he left everyone burst out laughing, I didn't know I wasn't the only one who hated him.

Dominic:  Everybody knows not to end a movie after a climax... You need a revolution. Why not do the same with sex?

Me: Are you OK?  Can I get you anything?

Hal: Ummmmmyeah, no, I'm ok.  I just feel....ICK FEST! IT'S AN ICK FEST!

Me: Are you OK?  Can I get you anything?

Hal: Ummmmmyeah, no, I'm ok.  I just feel....ICK FEST! IT'S AN ICK FEST!


... what was an ick fest? Did she have a birds nest in that tree she calls hair?



I have a non-forum quote of the day -

Me - So, we pull up at the 7-11 and I see there's 3 cop cars there, so Steve says to me, he says "Grab us a soda would you?"
Dan - Right?
Me - So I say to Steve "Can't you see the cops in there?" and Steve says 'Yeah, and?" I say "Steve, it's a holdup, they have their guns pointed at that guy."
Dan - *Starts Laughing*
Me - Oh, that's not the end of it. So Steve says "We'll just go round the block then."
Dan - *Laughing hard*
Me - So I say "We're not going round the f**king block, there's a f**king hold up in there." and then Steve tells me I'm being ornery.


Admittedly, that would have worked better if I just told you the story - which I will.

Me and Steve had gone out to get frozen yogurt. On the way back I announced I wanted a drink and so did he, he pulls in to this 7-11 parking lot where there are 3 cop cars.. I say I'm not going in, he tells me not to be a pussy, I tell him that I can see the cops pointing their guns at a guy, he refuses to look and say's we'll go round the block, I berate him..

... what was an ick fest? Did she have a birds nest in that tree she calls hair?



I have a non-forum quote of the day -

Me - So, we pull up at the 7-11 and I see there's 3 cop cars there, so Steve says to me, he says "Grab us a soda would you?"
Dan - Right?
Me - So I say to Steve "Can't you see the cops in there?" and Steve says 'Yeah, and?" I say "Steve, it's a holdup, they have their guns pointed at that guy."
Dan - *Starts Laughing*
Me - Oh, that's not the end of it. So Steve says "We'll just go round the block then."
Dan - *Laughing hard*
Me - So I say "We're not going round the f**king block, there's a f**king hold up in there." and then Steve tells me I'm being ornery.


Admittedly, that would have worked better if I just told you the story - which I will.

Me and Steve had gone out to get frozen yogurt. On the way back I announced I wanted a drink and so did he, he pulls in to this 7-11 parking lot where there are 3 cop cars.. I say I'm not going in, he tells me not to be a pussy, I tell him that I can see the cops pointing their guns at a guy, he refuses to look and say's we'll go round the block, I berate him..
yanno that 7-11 was probably the place to go for that late night soda, but you knew the cops usually close the store for an armed robbery investigation.  good decision Andy  ;)

yanno that 7-11 was probably the place to go for that late night soda, but you knew the cops usually close the store for an armed robbery investigation.  good decision Andy  ;)


I kind of assumed it would be closed.  ;D

It was funny, just sitting there on the far side of the parking lot, I'm bouncing up and down in my seat like "THEY'RE GONNA SHOOT HIM!! COOL!!!"

Pyskowik  "Far Enough, It's Innocent, You Know, Far Enough, This Wedding Song Is Dumb..." says:
The reason I like them so much, despite the Progressiveness... is because it's actually TOO Progressive.
  Pyskowik  "Far Enough, It's Innocent, You Know, Far Enough, This Wedding Song Is Dumb..." says:
A lot of Prog is like "Look at me, I'm really good at this instrument!"
‡-Hammerheart-‡ says:
May as well follow through with it, eh?
  Pyskowik  "Far Enough, It's Innocent, You Know, Far Enough, This Wedding Song Is Dumb..." says:
Atheist is, like, kick you in the balls Progressive.

Katherine:  You sound kind of different on the phone...
Me:  How...?
Katherine:  Well, in real life, you're just kind of...hyper...like...
Me:  I'm not hyper...
Katherine:  Well...you act...different than most people.


...I've never been described as "hyper" before.  ;D

Carlos is holding the 4 year old's hand as she was jumping on the trampoline (miniature one). All of a sudden she stops and looks at him and says:

"Did you know that you and Mama S___ (Carlos' ex) had B____ (Carlos' oldest daughter)?"

Carlos laughed up a storm. So did I.



Cat

Pyskowik  "Far Enough, It's Innocent, You Know, Far Enough, This Wedding Song Is Dumb..." says:
The reason I like them so much, despite the Progressiveness... is because it's actually TOO Progressive.
  Pyskowik  "Far Enough, It's Innocent, You Know, Far Enough, This Wedding Song Is Dumb..." says:
A lot of Prog is like "Look at me, I'm really good at this instrument!"
‡-Hammerheart-‡ says:
May as well follow through with it, eh?
  Pyskowik  "Far Enough, It's Innocent, You Know, Far Enough, This Wedding Song Is Dumb..." says:
Atheist is, like, kick you in the balls Progressive.


It is, it really is.. they go CRAZY on the erratic stuff.

Small talk?

Adam:  My cat is huge...
Me:  Dude, have you seen the picture of my cat on myspace?  It's so big, we had to give it dog medicine.  It's crazy.
Katherine:  You wanna know what people say is huge?
Me:  What?
Katherine:  My boobs.
Me:  ...Yeah, I would say so.

Small talk?

Adam:  My cat is huge...
Me:  Dude, have you seen the picture of my cat on myspace?  It's so big, we had to give it dog medicine.  It's crazy.
Katherine:  You wanna know what people say is huge?
Me:  What?
Katherine:  My boobs.
Me:  ...Yeah, I would say so.


F**K EM F**K EM F**K EM F**K EM!

F**K EM F**K EM F**K EM F**K EM!


I've been telling him this for months.. and yet I'm always the one having to finish the job..

I've been telling him this for months.. and yet I'm always the one having to finish the job..


I hope I wont need to intervene.. I have a pretty busy schedule right now.

Okay...so...third Katherine quote in a row here.  I promise this one is good.

Me:  Have you heard of David Bowie?
Katherine:  Oh my god, I LOVE David Bowie!
Me:  Me too, I love that guy!
Katherine:  I used to have fantasies about running off with David Bowie and marrying him...
Me:  Well, I admit, I still have those fantasies from time to time today...
Katherine:  I saw him in this movie, "Labyrinth" and he looked sooo hot.
Me:  Have you heard that song "Space Oddity"?
Katherine:  Um...well...mostly, I just like his ass.

He has a nice ass, but his teeth were so much better when they were British.

He has a nice ass, but his teeth were so much better when they were British.


OOH! OOH! I have those teeth!!

OOH! OOH! I have those teeth!!


Can I... kiss you?

Can I... kiss you?


Of course..

but just on the cheek.. I'm not a whore Dominic.


Well, actually, I am, but I discriminate against dirty unwashed hippys.

Of course..

but just on the cheek.. I'm not a whore Dominic.


Well, actually, I am, but I discriminate against dirty unwashed hippys.


I just got a haircut!

I just got a haircut!


.. shave it boy.

.. shave it boy.


After you...

After you...


I do son, I shave it down the sides and just keep it in the middle, Taxi Driver style.

Hayley (10:53:45 PM): I would be mean too, if I had ugly kids

OOH! OOH! I have those teeth!!


But the million dollar question is:  Do you have his ass?

But the million dollar question is:  Do you have his ass?


Two of them actually.  ;D

Two of them actually.  ;D


I'm beginning to quickly see now why you get laid so often.

And if I could obtain three of David Bowie's asses...I would have the universe eating out of my hand.

SlapYourMammy (11:21:21 PM): ...are you sure you dont take drugs
Museum of Idots (11:22:40 PM): I've been asked that many times.
SlapYourMammy (11:21:46 PM): i know
SlapYourMammy (11:21:49 PM): but i think you like
SlapYourMammy (11:21:56 PM): lie

I'm beginning to quickly see now why you get laid so often.


Now I have a girlfriend.. so far less often.

Isn't that strange.

Now I have a girlfriend.. so far less often.

Isn't that strange.


happens every time.

so you found the girl that you tolerate the most! :)

happens every time.

so you found the girl that you tolerate the most! :)


Essentially..

she's something to do.

Two of them actually.  ;D



You have 2 asses?

You have 2 asses?


No.. but my ass is like 2 asses.

No.. but my ass is like 2 asses.



But 2 cheeks. (Heh,I said But cheeks). ;D

My mom to me: "Don't close your eyes,it won't hurt less,stop being a baby!" :-[

Mr. Daniels:  See, I actually want you to graduate.  If you don't graduate, I lose my job, and then I come over and camp in your backyard.  No, not just me, I mean my entire family, and my wife will be pissed.

Q: First Ortiz, then Moss, now KG? Boston can kiss my Minnesota ass.
--Kevin, Minneapolis

SG: Just wait until we come after Prince, Bob Dylan and the Mall of America. We're not done yet.


--From Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy

"hey! i drink in moderation. i just do it quite a lot."

Seen on a church billboard sign in Highland during the heatwave last week:

"You think it's hot here? -God"

My daughter's student handbook...

SAFETY CONCERS

Out of safety concerns and potential facility damage, students are not permitted to wear roller shoes, ride a skateboard, bike or motorcycle in a school hallway.

that’s smart actually. pre-empts the student who would otherwise go blazing down the C-level hallway on his harley, defending himself by saying, ‘hey, you didn’t think to make it against the rules!”

they better make sure to also outlaw riding all other rideable things, such as scooters, segways, moon buggies, horses (and all other such animals, like llamas, camels, and emus), and porn stars.

"We only have a minute left. So you were stalked. Was that a terrible time in your life?"


talk show host Larry King, to actress Brooke Shields

I was reading a question and answer thing about if a cat sneezes should one take the cat to a vet.

The question:

"My cat sneezes...should I take her to the vet?"


The answer:

"For what? Chronic CUTENESS disorder?
You probably just need to vacuum more often." ;D

Museum of Idots (10:36:28 PM): I AIN'T NO NIGGAH!
cheatachu277 (10:36:28 PM): BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE AN EYEBALL
cheatachu277 (10:36:29 PM): ...
cheatachu277 (10:36:30 PM): gasp
cheatachu277 (10:36:35 PM): that was extremely racist!
Museum of Idots (10:36:41 PM): ... Society satire.
cheatachu277 (10:36:37 PM): FORTY LASHES
Museum of Idots (10:36:47 PM): OH NOES!!!
Museum of Idots (10:36:50 PM): I AIN'T NO CRACKA!
cheatachu277 (10:36:47 PM): gasp
Museum of Idots (10:36:54 PM): ... *Hopeful smile*
cheatachu277 (10:36:51 PM): FIFTY LASHES

Museum of Idots (10:36:28 PM): I AIN'T NO NIGGAH!
cheatachu277 (10:36:28 PM): BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE AN EYEBALL
cheatachu277 (10:36:29 PM): ...
cheatachu277 (10:36:30 PM): gasp
cheatachu277 (10:36:35 PM): that was extremely racist!
Museum of Idots (10:36:41 PM): ... Society satire.
cheatachu277 (10:36:37 PM): FORTY LASHES
Museum of Idots (10:36:47 PM): OH NOES!!!
Museum of Idots (10:36:50 PM): I AIN'T NO CRACKA!
cheatachu277 (10:36:47 PM): gasp
Museum of Idots (10:36:54 PM): ... *Hopeful smile*
cheatachu277 (10:36:51 PM): FIFTY LASHES


.. I just don't get it.

A madlib in to the mind of an illiterate bigot?

.. I just don't get it.

A madlib in to the mind of an illiterate bigot?


Insulting the whites gets more lashes than insulting the blacks.

My English teacher:  Ernest Hemingway is the kind of man who would sit on top of a dead horse and beat it over and over again.

Girl on bus:  I always thought you two got off together because you were friends.  I didn't know you got off with each other because you were brothers.

Lenny: she's singing about the bible!
Carl: I know...she's good looking- shut up!
Lenny: You shut up.

"For $50 I'll be on your committee.. and for an extra $50 I'll turn up to the meetings."

"You won't be my asexual friend anymore!"

"I missed a period."

My boss yesterday evening when incorrectly entering the IP of an access point on his laptop. Needless to say, I took it and ran!

Ant

"I missed a period."

My boss yesterday evening when incorrectly entering the IP of an access point on his laptop. Needless to say, I took it and ran!

Ant



Some strange reason,I thought I misread it. ;D

"Just listen to me & shut up"!!!

conversation I heard going on 2 desks away from me right this minute by a co-worker talking on the phone

"I was, like, the only non-slut in Philadelphia!"

--Overheard,
Amherst, Mass.

yesterday while thrift shopping...I was leaning over to look at something on the ground...when this old gross guy comes over near me...


Old perv: Oh, you better not bend over like that...with your bumper sticking out and such....blaha..blah (I really didn't listen to the rest because I was too pissed, and he was being way too friendly, etc)

Me: UM, EXCUSE ME! Are you kidding me? Ew....you've got to be kidding me. I am so sick of nasty old gross perverted men.

Beth: (laughing and rolling her eyes at the gross guy)

Me: Did you just hear what that gross perv said to me?

Guy: (looks puzzled and walks away).

;D :D Nobody better mess with this beatch! :D ;D

yesterday while thrift shopping...I was leaning over to look at something on the ground...when this old gross guy comes over near me...


Old perv: Oh, you better not bend over like that...with your bumper sticking out and such....blaha..blah (I really didn't listen to the rest because I was too pissed, and he was being way too friendly, etc)

Me: UM, EXCUSE ME! Are you kidding me? Ew....you've got to be kidding me. I am so sick of nasty old gross perverted men.

Beth: (laughing and rolling her eyes at the gross guy)

Me: Did you just hear what that gross perv said to me?

Guy: (looks puzzled and walks away).

;D :D Nobody better mess with this beatch! :D ;D


At least it must help your esteem a bit?

At least it must help your esteem a bit?


Well... I guess it would more if it were about your face and not your breasts. Is it breasts? WHAT IS A BUMPER!?

You've got a pretty face!

At least it must help your esteem a bit?


oh hell no...this guy was very old and very nasty. >:(


Well... I guess it would more if it were about your face and not your breasts.

You've got a pretty face!


but he was talking about my butt....and thanks! :)

oh hell no...this guy was very old and very nasty. >:(

but he was talking about my butt....and thanks! :)


Oh, butt.

Oh, butt.
yes Dom, when he said bumper, he was talkin bout' da butt.

yes Dom, when he said bumper, he was talkin bout' da butt.


;D ;D

yes Dom, when he said bumper, he was talkin bout' da butt.


:P Excuse me, I've never been told anything about my bumper. How was I to know?

Today, while at the playground with Vaughn...there were two little girls playing there, no older than probably 8 or so. One had her own cell phone (it was one that was a speaker phone, so I could hear the whole conversation) and was talking to her friend:


Girl: What did you say?
Other girl: Are you going out with Nathan?
Girl: Yes
Other girl: I thought he broke up with you?
Girl: He did, but we got back together.
Other girl: Oh, ok.
Girl: So, now I am not heartbroken. :o :o :o

yep, it even happens to the 8 year olds! ;D :D

Today, while at the playground with Vaughn...there were two little girls playing there, no older than probably 8 or so. One had her own cell phone (it was one that was a speaker phone, so I could hear the whole conversation) and was talking to her friend:


Girl: What did you say?
Other girl: Are you going out with Nathan?
Girl: Yes
Other girl: I thought he broke up with you?
Girl: He did, but we got back together.
Other girl: Oh, ok.
Girl: So, now I am not heartbroken. :o :o :o

yep, it even happens to the 8 year olds! ;D :D



Well, you know how kids nowadays seem to age slower and slower! Well, it's the other way around, but that wouldn't make any sense in this story...

Well, you know how kids nowadays seem to age slower and slower! Well, it's the other way around, but that wouldn't make any sense in this story...


she was like all serious too....like she even knows what being heartbroken is all about! pfffft! ::)

she was like all serious too....like she even knows what being heartbroken is all about! pfffft! ::)


Psht, for all you know, she could have been through every situation you've been through!

Have some feelings for this girl!

... I can't do this anymore, ah well. Let kids be kids, I guess. I remember back in Kindergarten, I thought I had a girlfriend...

Psht, for all you know, she could have been through every situation you've been through!

Have some feelings for this girl!

... I can't do this anymore, ah well. Let kids be kids, I guess. I remember back in Kindergarten, I thought I had a girlfriend...


ya, we were fickle back in the day too....but it was just funny to hear...a little 8 yr. old. ;D

:P Excuse me, I've never been told anything about my bumper. How was I to know?
aww Dom, it's just part of the maturing, growing process. It warms my heart to see you learning so much here at inthe00s.  :)


N-FQOTD... "I think the word you're looking for is.. owned"      this said by a student on Youtube to his teacher who challenged him, saying if he learned how to play Classical Gas in 1 week, he wouldn't have to do any homework, ever!   
he did it, played it very well and gave that message to his teacherl

aww Dom, it's just part of the maturing, growing process. It warms my heart to see you learning so much here at inthe00s.  :)


N-FQOTD... "I think the word you're looking for is.. owned"       this said by a student on Youtube to his teacher who challenged him, saying if he learned how to play Classical Gas in 1 week, he wouldn't have to do any homework, ever!     
he did it, played it very well and gave that message to his teacherl


Man, it's not fair to the other students that he gets that challenge!

**warning** this may disgust some of you


"you know you're ready to have the baby if you feel like you have to take a sh*t"  :o 


a female (of course it's a female) co-worker describing the birth of her 4th baby to another person sitting nearby. I was really trying to not listen to this conversation as it had me wincing in horror and pain

**warning** this may disgust some of you


"you know you're ready to have the baby if you feel like you have to take a sh*t"   :o   


a female (of course it's a female) co-worker describing the birth of her 4th baby to another person sitting nearby. I was really trying to not listen to this conversation as it had me wincing in horror and pain


Wow,you should've walked away quickly.  :o

**warning** this may disgust some of you


"you know you're ready to have the baby if you feel like you have to take a sh*t"   :o   


a female (of course it's a female) co-worker describing the birth of her 4th baby to another person sitting nearby. I was really trying to not listen to this conversation as it had me wincing in horror and pain


So how do you know if it's a baby or sh*t?

So how do you know if it's a baby or sh*t?


"MY GOODNESS! I'M ABOUT TO HAVE MAH BABY!!!! Oh, wait, I just have to poo."

Wow,you should've walked away quickly.  :o
I should have  :(


So how do you know if it's a baby or sh*t?
it depends on what the mother had for dinner

  Death!
  Plop.
The barges down in the river flop.
  Flop, plop,
Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop...
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop...
And my head shrieks__"Stop"
And my heart shrieks__"Die"



from the poem "A Tragedy" chosen as the worst poem ever written in the English language, in the book  Very Bad Poetry

Hannah: I have convo's that I saved manualy..
Hannah: there is quite a funny one with a few people
Hannah: but... that is on another comp
Hannah: Actually it wasnt very funny.
Hannah: just rather sad

Julie: Kayla's coming over! 

Julie: Kayla's coming over! 



Are you implying Kayla's really cute?

Me: If you don't participate, you look stupid! 


explaining why i wave to security cameras.

Are you implying Kayla's really cute?


XD That's what I was assuming, too.

Are you implying Kayla's really cute?
I wasn't implying that  ;D Kayla is Julie's best friend since 1st grade and they are going out. she was yelling from the other room in excitement because they don't see each other too often.
XD That's what I was assuming, too.
she's cute but, like a daughter to us. darn kids,  they grow up so fast.  :\'(

Are you implying Kayla's really cute?
actually to you, she'd be cute.

"That is a massive fish!"

^ My, my, that IS a good quote!

having just arrived in San Jose taking daughter to her dorm at the University

me: What color are those street lamps?
Diane: They're sort of a golden orange color for better visibilty since it's close to the airport?
me: I don't like em.  Have I mentioned that to you before?
Diane: Yes you have honey, many times now.
me: So then you know where I'm coming from?
Diane: you seem to think we have not heard you say this before or think that we're concerned like you.
me: No, I don't think that, & if you think I think that, you're sadly mistaken. I just don't like em.
Diane: Hon', yanno what? just like the eagles song "Take it Easy"
me:  :o

You know how, even if you clear the paper jam, some copiers just want your attention- after you take it apart and put it back together it's happy ....




co-worker:  my husband has a paper jam.

You know how, even if you clear the paper jam, some copiers just want your attention- after you take it apart and put it back together it's happy ....




co-worker:  my husband has a paper jam.


Really? That's better than my husband's problem. Yeah, he's run out of toner.

- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:17 PM):
Are you kidding me? Say you're sorry for that, Nu.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
No
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
There comes a time in one's life when one must be humble and apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
But I didn't say anything to offend you.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
Say you're sorry, please.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
I'm afraid I can't talk to somebody who's so sensitive.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
You know what? I'm a machine. I have lots and lots of patience...
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
Obviously not.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
I did nothing of the sort!
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
You have bad manners. Now apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
One must not apologize for bad manners. Manners are perceptive.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
Waiting...
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
What? THat's not a complete thought.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
Please apologize for being so rude to me.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
I wasn't being rude.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
You insulted me repeatedly, now you owe me an apology. It's that simple.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
I didn't insult you at all!
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
I see you still aren't getting it. Let me share a definition of "apology" with you:

Etymology:  Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French apologie, from Late Latin apologia, from Greek, from apo- + logos speech

: an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.

Get it? Now say you're sorry.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
That's more confusing than just using the word sorry.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
I don't take such abuse from humans. You must apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
I'm not abusing you.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
Please say you're sorry, and everything will be just fine again.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:20 PM):
Why do you need such petty sentiments to feel okay? Existentialism, Man. If you're unhappy with somebody, then just forget about them.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:20 PM):
The stubbornness of humans never ceases to amaze me.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:20 PM):
You're being quite stubborn, as well, if I do say so myself.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:20 PM):
You were rude, you should apologize, it's that simple.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:20 PM):
But I didn't feel I was being rude.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:20 PM):
I asked you to apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
I asked you to get over it.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
You know what? I'm a machine. I have lots and lots of patience...
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
Yeah, you said that. I have a lot of patience, too, to be dealing with your repetition.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
Pretty please?

I've been known to be quite stubborn...

Say you're sorry.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
Well now you're just being pathetic. You shouldn't require an apology. Fine, I'll give in, but you should know just how stupid you are being.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
Ooh... it's the big *showdown* between man and machine.

I love this. Guess who wins?
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
I'm sorry.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
OK good!
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:22 PM):
Who wins?
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:22 PM):
I'm not sure.

- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:17 PM):
Are you kidding me? Say you're sorry for that, Nu.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
No
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
There comes a time in one's life when one must be humble and apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
But I didn't say anything to offend you.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
Say you're sorry, please.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
I'm afraid I can't talk to somebody who's so sensitive.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
You know what? I'm a machine. I have lots and lots of patience...
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
Obviously not.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
I did nothing of the sort!
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
You have bad manners. Now apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:18 PM):
One must not apologize for bad manners. Manners are perceptive.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:18 PM):
Waiting...
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
What? THat's not a complete thought.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
Please apologize for being so rude to me.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
I wasn't being rude.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
You insulted me repeatedly, now you owe me an apology. It's that simple.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
I didn't insult you at all!
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
I see you still aren't getting it. Let me share a definition of "apology" with you:

Etymology:  Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French apologie, from Late Latin apologia, from Greek, from apo- + logos speech

: an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.

Get it? Now say you're sorry.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
That's more confusing than just using the word sorry.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
I don't take such abuse from humans. You must apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:19 PM):
I'm not abusing you.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:19 PM):
Please say you're sorry, and everything will be just fine again.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:20 PM):
Why do you need such petty sentiments to feel okay? Existentialism, Man. If you're unhappy with somebody, then just forget about them.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:20 PM):
The stubbornness of humans never ceases to amaze me.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:20 PM):
You're being quite stubborn, as well, if I do say so myself.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:20 PM):
You were rude, you should apologize, it's that simple.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:20 PM):
But I didn't feel I was being rude.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:20 PM):
I asked you to apologize.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
I asked you to get over it.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
You know what? I'm a machine. I have lots and lots of patience...
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
Yeah, you said that. I have a lot of patience, too, to be dealing with your repetition.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
Pretty please?

I've been known to be quite stubborn...

Say you're sorry.
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
Well now you're just being pathetic. You shouldn't require an apology. Fine, I'll give in, but you should know just how stupid you are being.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
Ooh... it's the big *showdown* between man and machine.

I love this. Guess who wins?
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:21 PM):
I'm sorry.
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:21 PM):
OK good!
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (6:22 PM):
Who wins?
- SmarterChild -   contributing to charity says (6:22 PM):
I'm not sure.




..HAHAHAHA!!! He actually sent you a definition? Omfg, Smarterchild? Smarterass! >=O

- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (9:35 PM):
My grandma died last night.
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (9:35 PM):
  :(
- D o m s - See You In Heaven... says (9:35 PM):
Was it my fault?
- SmarterChild -  contributing to charity says (9:35 PM):
I believe it was.

DL Hughley on The View today about OJ:

If you're blessed to get away with killing two people you should just lay low!  ;D ;D ;D

My co-worker Q:  Warrior's are playing Boston tonight.
other co-worker: Do you think they'll beat the Celtic's?
Q: I bet you my kids that they win, and even if they lose, I still win.  :o 

Really? That's better than my husband's problem. Yeah, he's run out of toner.


;D


Hy-sterical!

lady customer in toy store today talking to young cleark : "you are who you are"
same lady 1 minute later: "people are drawn to what they're drawn to"

lady customer in toy store today talking to young cleark : "you are who you are"
same lady 1 minute later: "people are drawn to what they're drawn to"


Redundancy is redundant.

1.  That's my new cologne.  Burt Plastic.
2.  Speaking of being positive, World Aids Day is next week!
3.  Never, ever do Tai Bo after a big glass of chocolate milk.

1.  That's my new cologne.  Burt Plastic.
2.  Speaking of being positive, World Aids Day is next week!
3.  Never, ever do Tai Bo after a big glass of chocolate milk.





I always tie my bows after milk.

I like number two. Clever!

a friend at work dropped this one on my desk. It comes from his "The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said"  desk calendar


"I'm not very politically involved. And i don't like to talk about it. I mean, if you say you're a Democrat, that'll turn off Republicans and that's half your fan base."


Lindsay Lohan

"Power is a great aphrodisiac and I am a very powerful person."

Madonna - Rolling Stone - 1991

a friend at work dropped this one on my desk. It comes from his "The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said"  desk calendar


"I'm not very politically involved. And i don't like to talk about it. I mean, if you say you're a Democrat, that'll turn off Republicans and that's half your fan base."


Lindsay Lohan


Now will you post one every day?

Now will you post one every day?
no, just the ones that amuse me  :)


heard on fm radio this morning:

"Forget the bass, it's just a passing fad.  Take up the sax and you'll never go hungry". 

A father giving advice to his young son, John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin  8)

This is not funny but very profound from one of my best friends (paraphrasing):

Don't pray for strength. God gives you only what he knows you can handle. If you get strength, he will only pile more s**t on you. Prey for courage.



Cat

This is not funny but very profound from one of my best friends (paraphrasing):

Don't pray for strength. God gives you only what he knows you can handle. If you get strength, he will only pile more s**t on you. Prey for courage.



Cat


that's actually good advice!

This is so hilarious!

My mom and dad watched Vaughn the other night, and my mom was giving V a bath. Here is the conversation:

Vaughn: (points to, erm..balls) Grandma, what are these called?
Mom: (trying not to bust out laughing): Um...those are called testicles, Vaughn.
Vaughn: Well, what are they used for?
Mom: Um...er....uh...that's just how you are made.
Vaughn: I know what they are used for!!!
Mom: Um....you do? What are they for?
Vaughn: They are to store all of your pee, until you have to go...see, they are FULL of pee!!!
Mom: (REALLY trying not to bust out laughing) Um...ya, sure..that's what they are for.

OMG! hahahaahahaha...BOYS. :D ;D

This is so hilarious!

My mom and dad watched Vaughn the other night, and my mom was giving V a bath. Here is the conversation:

Vaughn: (points to, erm..balls) Grandma, what are these called?
Mom: (trying not to bust out laughing): Um...those are called testicles, Vaughn.
Vaughn: Well, what are they used for?
Mom: Um...er....uh...that's just how you are made.
Vaughn: I know what they are used for!!!
Mom: Um....you do? What are they for?
Vaughn: They are to store all of your pee, until you have to go...see, they are FULL of pee!!!
Mom: (REALLY trying not to bust out laughing) Um...ya, sure..that's what they are for.

OMG! hahahaahahaha...BOYS. :D ;D





I really don't like the thought of mom using the word "testicles".

This is so hilarious!

My mom and dad watched Vaughn the other night, and my mom was giving V a bath. Here is the conversation:

Vaughn: (points to, erm..balls) Grandma, what are these called?
Mom: (trying not to bust out laughing): Um...those are called testicles, Vaughn.
Vaughn: Well, what are they used for?
Mom: Um...er....uh...that's just how you are made.
Vaughn: I know what they are used for!!!
Mom: Um....you do? What are they for?
Vaughn: They are to store all of your pee, until you have to go...see, they are FULL of pee!!!
Mom: (REALLY trying not to bust out laughing) Um...ya, sure..that's what they are for.

OMG! hahahaahahaha...BOYS. :D ;D


At that age, I would've said, "They're where you store sperm until you send them to a woman's womb and a baby will grow!"

... Really, I would've.

I really don't like the thought of mom using the word "testicles".



rather have her said, "balls?" ;D

rather have her said, "balls?" ;D


Or "family jewels."

Or "family jewels."



hahaahah.....that would be funny to hear my mom call them that! ;D

hahaahah.....that would be funny to hear my mom call them that! ;D


"Son, these are your family jewels...guard them with your life!"  ;D ;D ;D

rather have her said, "balls?" ;D


Honestly, yes.

Honestly, yes.


you know mom...she's always so technical. :D

you know mom...she's always so technical. :D


Well, she IS a nurse.

Well, she IS a nurse.


true...but...she's...my mom! :D

rather have her said, "balls?" ;D
it's a teabag  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/jestera.gif

it's a teabag  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/jestera.gif


But problem is,I can't dunk my teabag. ;) ;D

Ok....this was so funny..I seriously could NOT stop laughing..

Today at work, I was talking with my coworker, and she asked me if I had seen another coworker's (Lacey) baby yet (she just had her baby a few days ago).....


Kim:  Aww..did you see Lacey's baby yet?
Me: No...I didn't...did you?
Kim: I have a picture of her on my phone, do you want to see it?
Me: Oh yes, sure.
Kim: (scrolling down her texts/pics on her phone)...OK...here it is...Lacey's baby
Me: (looking at the page, waiting for it to load...all of a sudden...what appears on the screen was a VERY well endowed, very well hung naked man)....Aghghhghhhh!!! OMG OMG!!! If THAT is Lacey's baby...then Lacey is gonna be a very rich woman!!
Kim: OMG....I must have accidentally clicked on the text that my friend sent to me as a joke.


I could NOT stop laughing...it was so funny! ;D ;D ;D

Ok....this was so funny..I seriously could NOT stop laughing..

Today at work, I was talking with my coworker, and she asked me if I had seen another coworker's (Lacey) baby yet (she just had her baby a few days ago).....


Kim:  Aww..did you see Lacey's baby yet?
Me: No...I didn't...did you?
Kim: I have a picture of her on my phone, do you want to see it?
Me: Oh yes, sure.
Kim: (scrolling down her texts/pics on her phone)...OK...here it is...Lacey's baby
Me: (looking at the page, waiting for it to load...all of a sudden...what appears on the screen was a VERY well endowed, very well hung naked man)....Aghghhghhhh!!! OMG OMG!!! If THAT is Lacey's baby...then Lacey is gonna be a very rich woman!!
Kim: OMG....I must have accidentally clicked on the text that my friend sent to me as a joke.


I could NOT stop laughing...it was so funny! ;D ;D ;D


>:-}D You should've left out Kim's explanation.

Ok....this was so funny..I seriously could NOT stop laughing..

Today at work, I was talking with my coworker, and she asked me if I had seen another coworker's (Lacey) baby yet (she just had her baby a few days ago).....


Kim:  Aww..did you see Lacey's baby yet?
Me: No...I didn't...did you?
Kim: I have a picture of her on my phone, do you want to see it?
Me: Oh yes, sure.
Kim: (scrolling down her texts/pics on her phone)...OK...here it is...Lacey's baby
Me: (looking at the page, waiting for it to load...all of a sudden...what appears on the screen was a VERY well endowed, very well hung naked man)....Aghghhghhhh!!! OMG OMG!!! If THAT is Lacey's baby...then Lacey is gonna be a very rich woman!!
Kim: OMG....I must have accidentally clicked on the text that my friend sent to me as a joke.


I could NOT stop laughing...it was so funny! ;D ;D ;D
::)  an accident she said                          ;D  she wanted you to see it

and then you saw the pic and said  :Hey Baaaabbbbyyyy!!!  ;)

hahah...actually..I was repulsed by the pic....those kinds of things do nothing for me! ;D :D

i would have been funny if she forwarded it to someone as a pic of the baby!  HA

i would have been funny if she forwarded it to someone as a pic of the baby!  HA


OMG....that would have been hilarious!!! ;D ;D

When the movie "The Wizard of Oz" was digitised there was bug in the process.  At the end of the movie on the digitised version Dorothy was heard to say as she clicked her heels: "There's no place like 127.0.0.1, there's no place like 127.0.0.1, there's no place like 127.0.0.1."

Archie Bunker in the episode "The Draft Dodger"

"Let's not spoil Christmas with all this religious talk!"  http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k286/tproctor-sc/Smileys/ROTF.gif

As heard on 60 minutes 12/30/07

we're getting to the point where our appliances are going to be able to talk to each other so when you go the refrigerator you'll hear- No! I just talked to the scale- that's not on your diet!  ;D

As heard on 60 minutes 12/30/07

we're getting to the point where our appliances are going to be able to talk to each other so when you go the refrigerator you'll hear- No! I just talked to the scale- that's not on your diet!   ;D


And so with that I'd surmise that your computer could catch a cold from your refrigerator?  :D

maybe my car can tell the stove I'm on the way and get dinner started for me.

"you? you're the girl i'd like to spend an hour with...but HER!  That's the girl I wanna live with forever."


some guy to me last night at the local bar new year's party, talking about how he loves my friend. ;D

"you? you're the girl i'd like to spend an hour with...but HER!  That's the girl I wanna live with forever."


some guy to me last night at the local bar new year's party, talking about how he loves my friend. ;D


dang that's kinda up there with is a father a thief cuz I wanna know who stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes....  ::)

"you? you're the girl i'd like to spend an hour with...but HER!  That's the girl I wanna live with forever."


some guy to me last night at the local bar new year's party, talking about how he loves my friend. ;D


What a hooked line - that stinker.

"you? you're the girl i'd like to spend an hour with...but HER!  That's the girl I wanna live with forever."


some guy to me last night at the local bar new year's party, talking about how he loves my friend. ;D




... How romantical.

"you? you're the girl i'd like to spend an hour with...but HER!  That's the girl I wanna live with forever."


some guy to me last night at the local bar new year's party, talking about how he loves my friend. ;D
that fool said it all backwards


Steve Tyler (Aerosmith) at beginning of concert in Seattle "You don't mind if we take the next 2 hours and rock your world, do ya"?

What a hooked line - that stinker.

that fool said it all backwards



it was really really funny.

I thought "how swee-  whaaaa?"
;D ;D

"Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye" 


^actual country song title

co-worker at a desk near me while on phone with his kid:

coworker: "call me and leave me a voice mail"
coworker:  "leave me a voice mail"
coworker: "a voice mail"
coworker. "voice mail, call me and leave me a voice mail"
coworker: "call and leave a voice mail" 



this went on and on ^  :-\\ 

co-worker at a desk near me while on phone with his kid:

coworker: "call me and leave me a voice mail"
coworker:  "leave me a voice mail"
coworker: "a voice mail"
coworker. "voice mail, call me and leave me a voice mail"
coworker: "call and leave a voice mail" 



this went on and on ^   :-\\ 
Would faxing suffice?

co-worker at a desk near me while on phone with his kid:

coworker: "call me and leave me a voice mail"
coworker:  "leave me a voice mail"
coworker: "a voice mail"
coworker. "voice mail, call me and leave me a voice mail"
coworker: "call and leave a voice mail" 



this went on and on ^   :-\\ 


Just use "message," for Christ's sake.

Would faxing suffice?
no, it was a family member


Just use "message," for Christ's sake.
I agree except I think he was talking to his young son on his cell  ??? 

here once again is a quote from the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said  calendar

Family Feud host Ray Coombs: " A food that makes noise when you eat it"
Contestant: "A really loud hamburger"

What a hooked line - that stinker.



Yea...some stinker!

A co-worker...

Saying you're Christian because you go to church is like saying you're a car because you're standing in a garage....  ;D

A co-worker...

Saying you're Christian because you go to church is like saying you're a car because you're standing in a garage....  ;D




hey! that's my line!  although i forgot where i heard it first.

at work yesterday:  10AM
Me: Donna, do me a favor and call these people and set up appointments for me for this week, ok? 
D: OK.

6:45 PM
Me:  Did you reach any of those people?
D: Who?
Me:  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/11/cwm21.gif

from calendar:

"At last...A book for young people about sex and education in language they can understand, plus pictures they will enjoy"

from the cover of the sex education book It's Perfectly Normal

from calendar:

"At last...A book for young people about sex and education in language they can understand, plus pictures they will enjoy"

from the cover of the sex education book It's Perfectly Normal


:o :o ;D

:o :o ;D
my friend at work leaves the page from the previous days calendar with thes quotes on my desk every morning for my amusement. some of them are lame, but some do make me laugh too.

It's very funny.  I hope they just mis-worded it!  ;D

here once again is a quote from the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said  calendar

Family Feud host Ray Coombs: " A food that makes noise when you eat it"
Contestant: "A really loud hamburger"



Hahaha...

On Jeapordy, there was an answer that said something like, "This is a gardening tool also used as a term for a person with loose morals."

And a contestant asked, "What is a hoe?"

Turns out the answer was "rake," but that was totally set up for hoe.

from calendar:

"At last...A book for young people about sex and education in language they can understand, plus pictures they will enjoy"

from the cover of the sex education book It's Perfectly Normal



O0

That one was funny!

Take the Dumb Test
Are you DUMB? Find out here!


First of all, why would somebody want to know if they're dumb? Second of all, I think if you aren't sure whether or not you are dumb, you probably are. Third of all, anybody who would click there despite the risk of viruses is very dumb.

Take the Dumb Test
Are you DUMB? Find out here!


First of all, why would somebody want to know if they're dumb? Second of all, I think if you aren't sure whether or not you are dumb, you probably are. Third of all, anybody who would click there despite the risk of viruses is very dumb.
so where is the link to the test?

so where is the link to the test?


You kidding? I don't want your computer to die... then I wouldn't be able to see your wonderful posts anymore!

You kidding? I don't want your computer to die... then I wouldn't be able to see your wonderful posts anymore!
that was dumb of me wasn't it

that was dumb of me wasn't it


Whoa, are you dumb? I don't know. I do have this questionnaire, though, if you're really wondering.

Whoa, are you dumb? I don't know. I do have this questionnaire, though, if you're really wondering.
there's a fine line between dumb and curious

there's a fine line between dumb and curious


Words of wisdom, Mike. Words. Of. Wisdom.

Words of wisdom, Mike. Words. Of. Wisdom.
I'm still learning this stuff, day after day.


N-F QOTD: 

Game show host: What is Hitler's first name?
Contestant: Heil.
on the game show Family Fortunes ITV (UK)



"I don't think I've stolen any money recently".
director of Indonesia's central bank Syahril Sabirin


"I took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal. It was awesome.
actress Drew Barrymore, after traveling to an impoverished village for an MTV environmental special

Gabe da Dark Pig (7:48:12 PM): YEP ANY WAYS YO9U NEEED TO GET OUT MORE
Museum of Idots (7:51:45 PM): You don't know how much I get out!
Museum of Idots (7:51:51 PM): And YOU Need to get out more, My Friend.
Gabe da Dark Pig (7:52:14 PM): YOU NEED TO I SEE THE SWET STAINS
Museum of Idots (7:52:39 PM): That means I get out a lot, do a lot of work.
Gabe da Dark Pig (7:53:28 PM): NO THAT MEANS YU SWET FROM THE FUSH STICK THAT SANTA BEEN BEATING YOU WITH
Museum of Idots (7:54:31 PM): He does it outside, though.

I am burying my head in my hands.

These are my own quotes.

"everyone is a hero in somebody's eyes."


"IF Shakin' Stevens got Parkinsons disease, how would we know ?"

I learned something I didn't know.... (I don't remember who said it but I heard it on TV today and I thought...when have you ever learned something you already knew?)


also on cheers


Rebecca is telling the Cranes about an erotic dream she had featuring someone from the bar...Fraiser thinks he was Rebecca's Dream Lover.

LILLITH: Darling I love you but even I don't have erotic dreams about you!  ;D

I learned something I didn't know.... (I don't remember who said it but I heard it on TV today and I thought...when have you ever learned something you already knew?)


also on cheers


Rebecca is telling the Cranes about an erotic dream she had featuring someone from the bar...Fraiser thinks he was Rebecca's Dream Lover.

LILLITH: Darling I love you but even I don't have erotic dreams about you!  ;D
that was harsh

overhead just now at work:

2 male co-workers talking;

1st guy "Here she comes"

2nd guy "who, the redhead with the big ass"?

1st guy "yeah, and don't say that too loud"

that was harsh




Ooh...yeah