Having had the dubious pleasure of being in the 'kind and tender' care of the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services,the reason I post anything about foster care is because I have been through some pretty horrible things in the name of 'discipline' by foster parents......I know not all foster homes are bad.....I just have to wonder if the system in each state could be BETTERED by things like SERIOUS BACKGROUND CHECKS of potential foster parents,thorough home studies to make sure the home is up to standards,and UNANNOUNCED VISITS by State caseworkers,with the child having time ALONE to talk to said caseworker about any issues in the home...no more 'faking it' on the foster parents' part...

I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with foster homes.. but I can see both sides of the situation.

Many people have "foster kids" because they want to adopt, and most states government sponsored adoption services require you to foster before you can adopt.  During the time of fostering, the child usually is not legally free for adoption, which means the birth parents still have a chance to reclaim their children.  Then *IF* the child becomes free for adoption, either by birth parents relinquishment of rights, or by court order, the foster parents can petition to adopt the child.

I personally have gone through part of the process to foster-to-adopt... but I got fed up with it because they treated me like a criminal.  The only difference between me and most other women is that my body doesn't allow me to have children.  A 14-year old girl who gets pregnant doesn't have to go through background checks, be checked up on by a social services worker, get fingerprinted, have her home inspected, etc.  The 14-year old girl doesn't have to worry that someone is going to take their child away at any given time. 

So I find it frustrating (although somewhat understandable) that there is so much red tape involved with trying to provide a home for a child... it was too much for me.. I really wanted children, but I didn't think I deserved to be scrutinized any more than a woman with my exact same background/history/marital status etc. whose reproductive system happens to function.

I am sorry about the foster parents who are not good parents... that is very unfortunate, especially since they must have wanted kids in order to go through all the process... but remember there are just as many bad birth parents...  it isn't just the foster parents...

Does the foster care system have such a bad rep because we only hear about the houses of horror on the news?  Or are folks who want to be foster parents extrordinarily twisted people on the whole?
???

Does the foster care system have such a bad rep because we only hear about the houses of horror on the news?  Or are folks who want to be foster parents extrordinarily twisted people on the whole?
???


I cannot imagine that someone would go through all that process unless they REALLY wanted kids.  It can take up to a year, involves spending money, having every little detail of your life scrutinized, tons of paperwork, having to go to classes...  I can't see people going through all that if they aren't going to be good parents...  I feel I would be a good parent, and even I got fed up with it...

I cannot imagine that someone would go through all that process unless they REALLY wanted kids.  It can take up to a year, involves spending money, having every little detail of your life scrutinized, tons of paperwork, having to go to classes...   I can't see people going through all that if they aren't going to be good parents...  I feel I would be a good parent, and even I got fed up with it...

I would like to thing state social services would go over every prospective foster family with a fine tooth comb, but so often these agencies are underfunded and overworked.  Sometimes they cut corners because the law says they have to clear the case on paper.  Other times a case worker is paid $400 a week and has to follow through on 30 families.  In such circumstances jobs have a knack for not getting done right.

I would like to thing state social services would go over every prospective foster family with a fine tooth comb, but so often these agencies are underfunded and overworked.  Sometimes they cut corners because the law says they have to clear the case on paper.  Other times a case worker is paid $400 a week and has to follow through on 30 families.  In such circumstances jobs have a knack for not getting done right.



I do understand that... but do you see how, in my point of view, it sucks?  I'm no different than any other parent except that I can't get pregnant.. 

I do understand that... but do you see how, in my point of view, it sucks?  I'm no different than any other parent except that I can't get pregnant.. 

Yeah, I can't get pregnant either.

I cannot imagine that someone would go through all that process unless they REALLY wanted kids. It can take up to a year, involves spending money, having every little detail of your life scrutinized, tons of paperwork, having to go to classes... I can't see people going through all that if they aren't going to be good parents... I feel I would be a good parent, and even I got fed up with it...
The thing is the bad foster parents can do immense physical and emotional damage to a child....sometimes so much that the memories of abuse stay with the victim or survivor(which I am) for life..

To all you have suffered from a foster child experiance, I would like to express my support for you'r healing and my horror that you were plased in an inappropriate home.  My heart reaches out to your personal trajedies.  But please, as you think of those experiances, think about the many children who have been given a safe haven and a loving environment in which to live.  My grandmother raised 2 foster kids, both of whom were loved, encouraged, and supported, and are still in touch with us.  I don't claim that this is the norm, I hope it is, but I offer it as an example of how an imperfect system can sometimes work.

Just as in anything else, I think there are good and bad. It's just that we hear more of the bad than the good, just like with everything else in the news. Off hand, I can only think of 3 foster families that I have heard about in the past few years but too many bad ones to count :-\\


I agree with you.  For example, the daycare providers that abuse the kids get splashed all over the headlines.  The sitters like the one my daughter goes to, that are wonderful caring people who don't abuse don't get headlines.  I think it is the same with foster homes.

Tony, I am sorry for the experiences you had in foster homes.  Those are people who should have never been foster parents.

my husband had the experience of being in and out of several foster homes.....some were positive and some were negative....yes, there are the ones out there that are truly sincere about opening up their home to a needy child and including them in with their family, etc...but there are lots of them that merely do it for the money.

He had some that were nice....but others that totally treated him like in inmate....so it goes both ways.

my husband had the experience of being in and out of several foster homes.....some were positive and some were negative....yes, there are the ones out there that are truly sincere about opening up their home to a needy child and including them in with their family, etc...but there are lots of them that merely do it for the money.

He had some that were nice....but others that totally treated him like in inmate....so it goes both ways.





I have never thought about opening my home to a foster child.  Maybe I should - need to talk to Cat about that.  Why?  I know that as a father I made many mistakes.  I'm not going to go into it, but I guess I question how I would deal with an obviously troubled kid.  I don't think I would be a warden, but than, kids respond to responsibility in different way.  I'm rambling.  Sorry.

I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with foster homes.. but I can see both sides of the situation.

Many people have "foster kids" because they want to adopt, and most states government sponsored adoption services require you to foster before you can adopt. During the time of fostering, the child usually is not legally free for adoption, which means the birth parents still have a chance to reclaim their children. Then *IF* the child becomes free for adoption, either by birth parents relinquishment of rights, or by court order, the foster parents can petition to adopt the child.

I personally have gone through part of the process to foster-to-adopt... but I got fed up with it because they treated me like a criminal. The only difference between me and most other women is that my body doesn't allow me to have children. A 14-year old girl who gets pregnant doesn't have to go through background checks, be checked up on by a social services worker, get fingerprinted, have her home inspected, etc. The 14-year old girl doesn't have to worry that someone is going to take their child away at any given time.

So I find it frustrating (although somewhat understandable) that there is so much red tape involved with trying to provide a home for a child... it was too much for me.. I really wanted children, but I didn't think I deserved to be scrutinized any more than a woman with my exact same background/history/marital status etc. whose reproductive system happens to function.

I am sorry about the foster parents who are not good parents... that is very unfortunate, especially since they must have wanted kids in order to go through all the process... but remember there are just as many bad birth parents... it isn't just the foster parents...
My birth parents-although they were obviously judged by DYFS to be 'unfit'(because of my mom's alcoholism and my birth dad's(Mom's boyfriend) tendency towards violence against my mother..)treated me better than my foster homes...and my birth family was no model family either...