http://monkeydyne.com/bushresume/resume.html

Go to Google and type in miserable failure (without quotes) and hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.





Cat

I've seen other versions of the Presidential Resume, all equally accurate and funny.  If I was hiring he might get a jjob on my assembly line, at minimun wage.

Don't worry, Kerry has applied too:

NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington
DC, worth multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator,
I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and
Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove
a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby
endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I
served in Vietnam (four months).

MILITARY:
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three
minor injuries to get an early discharge from the
military and service in Vietnam (as documented by
the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four
months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane
Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning
Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and
were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four
months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something
away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans
Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly
feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C
average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have
no higher education and did not get admitted to
Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S.
Congress and have been there ever since. I have no
real world experience except marrying very rich
women and running their companies vicariously
through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most
liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy
and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to
support our military and CIA by voting against their
budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to
defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War,
now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted
for it. I voted for every liberal piece of
legislation. I have no plan to help this country but
I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am
elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart,
George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make
little or no charitable contributions and have never
agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in
Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $
700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside
of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe.
We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of
labor in those Countries, although I blame George
Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of
Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative
energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills
off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might
spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our
yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever
cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love
to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the
"Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot
Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it
reflects our real culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at
my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against
large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame
George Bush for our energy problems. I served in
Vietnam (four months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE
WHEN VOTING IN 2004, AND PLEASE PASS THE INFORMATION
ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!!

We could do a point by point but I have some things to do, I will lead you to factcheck.org for more reliable, less insidious,  less opinionated, information.  Whispers and gossip, is that any way for a man to act?

www.factcheck.org/article.aspx@docID=224.html

Internet "Whispering Campaigns" Falsely Accuse Teresa Heinz Kerry

Bogus e-mail messages claim she's given millions to "radical" groups, some linked to terrorists, and located Heinz factories overseas. Both claims are false.
Summary
False allegations about Kerry's wife have been circulating for months, but the velocity of the Internet "whispering campaign" picked up substantially with the approach of the Fall campaign.

One false message claims Teresa Heinz Kerry gave $4 million to a foundation that used the funds to support a list of "radical" groups including one with alleged links to Hamas and another that is said to have offered to provide a lawyer for Saddam Hussein. But public records show otherwise. Heinz Kerry's foundation money was directed to projects such as "Sustainable Pittsburgh," which promotes "smart growth" strategies.

Another widely circulated e-mail claims Kerry and his wife "own" dozens of H.J. Heinz Company factories in Europe and Asia. It accuses Kerry of hypocrisy for denouncing offshoring of US jobs while "making millions off that cheap labor."

That's also false: neither of them own Heinz. Public records show Heinz Kerry isn't an officer of the company, isn't on the company's board of directors, and isn't even close to being the largest shareholder. The Heinz Endowments do own Heinz stock -- less than 4% of the company -- but income from that stock goes to charity, not to the Kerrys personally.