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This is a topic from the Current Politics and Religious Topics forum on inthe00s.
Subject: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/23/04 at 9:48 pm
Every mornin' on the Hill you could see him arrive
Standing six-foot-four, weighing one-twenty-five
Kinda' scrawny at the shoulders and lacking a spine
And when he spoke at all, it was mainly to whine
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John
Nobody seems to know what's in John's soul
His 'beliefs' are based on the latest poll
'Though he'll say what it takes to get your votes
It's the leftist agenda that he really promotes - Big John.
Some one said he came from Boston town
Where he joined the Navy and gained renown
'Earning' three purple hearts and one bronze star
The home folks said, "This boy will go far"
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
Then came a day back in '71
When he renounced all the medals that he had won
Then turned against his country and his Navy friends
And sold them out for his own selfish ends (Big John)
He appeared before Congress and on left-wing talk shows
Giving aid and comfort to America's foes
It was clear to see whose side he was on
Some say he helped cause the fall of Saigon - Big John
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
He claims to be for the working poor
Yet he owns 5 mansions from shore to shore
He never had to work a day in his life
'cause he learned it helps to have a wealthy wife! - Big John
Now he wants to be our next President
and Commander-in-chief of those he resents:
The American soldiers who fight and die
To give him the freedom to tell us his lies
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
Thousands have sacrificed their young lives
To help ensure that our nation survives
A vote for Kerry is a slap in the face
To all the brave soldiers that he's disgraced
FADE (Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
Subject: Re: New anti-Kerry song, funny for some.
Written By: ElDuderino on 09/23/04 at 9:52 pm
WOW.
The Respect-O-Meter has dropped to a negative ten for you my friend.
There are so many things wrong with that, I don't even know where to begin.
'leftist agenda' ;D
Ahh you make me laugh. I find that almost offensive as a real Liberal that you'd call John Kerry a 'leftist', what a laugh.
oh yeah, and the 'slap in the face' comment regarding a vote for Kerry, my uncle is an Army veteran, he was an Airborne Ranger and served in Vietnam, and also saw combat in Cambodia. He is a Kerry-backer big time, and quite frankly if he came across whoever wrote that 'slap in the face line' he'd give them a slap in the face. ;)
Subject: Re: New anti-Kerry song, funny for some.
Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/23/04 at 10:00 pm
The Right understands humor like a potted plant understands calculus!
::)
Subject: Re: New anti-Kerry song, funny for some.
Written By: ElDuderino on 09/23/04 at 10:02 pm
The Right understands humor like a potted plant understands calculus!
::)
That just might be the greatest analogy of all time. :o
;D ;D ;D
Subject: Re: New anti-Kerry song, funny for some.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/23/04 at 10:03 pm
WOW.
The Respect-O-Meter has dropped to a negative ten for you my friend.
There are so many things wrong with that, I don't even know where to begin.
'leftist agenda' ;D
Ahh you make me laugh. I find that almost offensive as a real Liberal that you'd call John Kerry a 'leftist', what a laugh.
oh yeah, and the 'slap in the face' comment regarding a vote for Kerry, my uncle is an Army veteran, he was an Airborne Ranger and served in Vietnam, and also saw combat in Cambodia. He is a Kerry-backer big time, and quite frankly if he came across whoever wrote that 'slap in the face line' he'd give them a slap in the face. ;)
John Kerry is not a leftist?  Have you not read the National Review's findings?  Anyway its political humor, if you or anyone else has some for President Bush go ahead and post it here.  If I could i'd change the topic now to political humor thread or something like that so people don't have to make a whole mess of threads to post just a little humor.  And by the way, most people who served in the military back Bush and the republicans, including those who are serving now.  Also the CBS poll out today has President Bush up by 11 points among Vietnam vets.
Subject: Re: New anti-Kerry song, funny for some.
Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/23/04 at 10:14 pm
John Kerry is not a leftist?  Have you not read the National Review's findings? ÂÂ
http://www.tonylockwood.co.uk/mysimpsons/SimpsonPics/Homer%20D'oh.JPG
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/24/04 at 4:32 am
http://img40.exs.cx/img40/5804/dubvskerry.jpg
http://www.davereport.net/k.jpg
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: philbo on 09/24/04 at 5:06 am
That's an amusing parody: bitter, twisted and a long way from the truth... but quite clever.
But I'll bet you (like the 000s of other posters of the same song) didn't even try to find out who wrote it so that you could give them the credit?
Anyway, for non-partisan political parody, have a look at this one: Read My Lips
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Don Carlos on 09/24/04 at 2:55 pm
OK, here's one.
Sept. 25 is declare yourself day. If you support Kerry, Drive around with your headlights on all day. If you support Bush, Drive around with your headlights off all night (no, its not original. My X wife forwarded it to me).
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: ElDuderino on 09/24/04 at 4:24 pm
OK, here's one.
Sept. 25 is declare yourself day. If you support Kerry, Drive around with your headlights on all day. If you support Bush, Drive around with your headlights off all night (no, its not original. My X wife forwarded it to me).
LOL. Wow, that is a really creative form of population control. ;)
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Jessica on 09/24/04 at 4:33 pm
These pictures disturbed me. :o
I also have pictures of Cheney and Edwards.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/24/04 at 4:55 pm
Remember all republicans/Bush-supporters vote on Nov. 2nd while democrats/Kerry-supporters vote on Nov. 3rd.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: MooRocca on 09/24/04 at 5:18 pm
Remember all republicans/Bush-supporters vote on Nov. 2nd while democrats/Kerry-supporters vote on Nov. 3rd.
That's right! But don't forget that the Nov. 2nd election is a Survivor style vote -- you Republicans get to vote one candidate off the ballot and the Democrats choose the winner from the remaining candidates, the next day.
;)
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/24/04 at 5:27 pm
I guess my new avatar counts as political humor as well.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: philbo on 09/24/04 at 5:30 pm
I guess my new avatar counts as political humor as well.
That's the problem with political jokes: they get elected ;)
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: CatwomanofV on 09/24/04 at 5:57 pm
That's the problem with political jokes: they get elected ;)
I don't know whether to laugh at this or cry because it is so very true-unfortunately :-\\
Cat
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/24/04 at 6:00 pm
I don't know whether to laugh at this or cry because it is so very true-unfortunately :-\\
Cat
You're right. We elected Clinton, and then ELECTED HIM AGAIN! Is Michael Moore right, are Americans stupid? Why did we elect Clinton?
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/24/04 at 6:56 pm
Remember all republicans/Bush-supporters vote on Nov. 2nd while democrats/Kerry-supporters vote on Nov. 3rd.
You do know that your Republican campaign pals are found of flyering in poor neighborhoods in which they invite residents to vote, but make sure they have paid their rent, all their bills, and have taken care of any warrents out against them. If they've seen to all that, they are invited to come out and vote on Nomber 3rd (or whenever the first Wednesday of the month is).
I saw some right-wing radio host on Dennis Miller last night saying it should be as hard as possible for people to get to the polls, it should be like a "scavenger hunt."
When you get your far-right government, however, everybody who owns under a $500,000 in assets will be disenfranchised.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/24/04 at 9:22 pm
Gasp! A new letter was shown tonight on CBS. Dan Rather shows unearthed Bush letter disclosed by CBS news:
''Of course, what i'm really doing here in Alabama is selling crack. The money is good, since crack won't be invented until 16 years from now, so i've kind of got the market cornered. Of course, Nixon, a President whose standards of probity in office I have made a solemn vow to emulate when I become President, is going to take is off the gold standard next year, so who knows what our money'll be worth by the time my two daughters are born! Maybe we'll put it in euros!
I'll have to cut this short, since there's a CBS employee squatting next to the microwave watching me type this. I'm pretending not to notice him, but his cell phone keeps going off, which causes me to shout obscenities that demean women, something I do frequently.
Anyway, I'm off to the bar, for a few cranberry-chocolate-swizzle matrinis. They seem to be all the rage here in rural Alabama in 1970, where it sure is good to know that George Wallace, whose thinking I hope to duplicate when I defeat Ann Richards for governor of the state of Texas, is still in power! When people tell me I'm drinking too much, I tell 'em, Hey! its only 18 more years till I have my personal revelation and quit for good, so who's got time to waste?
Anyhow, thanks a lot! Any help you or Mrs. Khomeini can give me in bailing me out of my obligations to my country would be much appreciated!''
-Yours truly,
George
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/25/04 at 1:08 am
Oh now this is funny, thank God for Senator Zell Miller (D-GA): http://www.grouchyoldcripple.com/archives/kerryarmy.jpeg
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: danootaandme on 09/25/04 at 6:35 am
You're right. We elected Clinton, and then ELECTED HIM AGAIN! Is Michael Moore right, are Americans stupid? Why did we elect Clinton?
Because the other choice in round one was Bush, in round two it was Dole. If you have to
ask that question you would definitely fail any and all literacy tests. ;D
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/25/04 at 6:44 am
An exclusive photo of Kerry coming out from the shopping mall: http://www.nasa-sports.com/Jokes/kerryAAweb.jpg
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Satish on 09/25/04 at 6:40 pm
Here's a funny poem about John Kerry that someone wrote. I got it from this site:
http://www.nationalreview.com/derbyshire/derbyshire200409170630.asp
THE SENATOR FROM BRAY
In Lyndon Johnson's second term,
When patriotism no harm meant
Some résumé points I had to earn
So off to Vietnam went.
That country did its sights contrive
Onto my heart to sear;
In just four months I'd medals five,
Kick-starting my career.
And this is true, depend on me â€â€
Don't bother to compete, Sir! â€â€
No matter who the POTUS be
I'll keep my Senate seat, Sir!
When Richard Nixon came along,
And war was out of fashion,
I testified to grievous wrong,
With most indignant passion.
To medals five goodbye I kissed;
A book (try finding it!) I wrote.
And now would be a pacifist
But for the VFW vote.
And this is true...
While Ford and Carter struggled o'er
Our post-Vietnam confusion,
I kept low profile as a lawyer,
In public prosecution.
For in those times the public mood
Was harsh on politicians.
(While, to relieve my solitude
I sought out girls - just rich ones.)
And this is true...
In Reagan's time I saw the chance
To further my ambition.
So to the Senate did advance â€â€
A liberal patrician.
My Senatorial chores were few â€â€
No need for much attendance.
Just raise some funds and kiss up to
Joe Kennedy's descendants!
And this is true...
When George the First came to the fore,
With policies much sounder,
I stood out firm against his war
Believing it would founder.
It didn't; but his previous vow
All taxes new to spare us
Soon got me off the hook: Who now
Remembers judgment errors?
And this is true...
Then dear Bill Clinton's fortunes soared
And liberal men were thriving.
I got myself a loaded broad
And lots of cars for driving.
No military issues rose
Past follies to unbury:
What happy, golden days were those
For lefties like John Kerry!
And this is true...
For George the Second's Iraq War
I voted my approval;
And cheered until my throat was sore
At S. Hussein's removal.
But liberal friends soon whispered that
A quagmire was a-brewing.
And in the ring I threw my hat,
To seek George Two's undoing.
And this is true...
Imagine this: A noble vet â€â€
One with a sharp salute. He
Stands up in wartime to upset
A man who shirked his duty.
Alas, it's going all awry â€â€
Just look at my position!
The Swifties say my past's a lie â€â€
And Rather's blown his mission!
Ah, well. What matters it to me
My buggy's in the ditch, Sir?
No matter who the POTUS be
I'll still be stinking rich, Sir!
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Jared on 09/25/04 at 7:15 pm
What's the difference between George W. Bush and Adolph Hitler?
One is an evil, racist, genocidal maniac who wants to rule the world...and the other died in 1945.
What's the difference between John Kerry's hair and a glacier?
Science has proven that glaciers move
What did Theresa Heinz Kerry say when her husband couldn't get the door open?
"Shove it!"
What's the difference between George W. Bush and Fred Flintstone?
Bush finally managed to put the Cat out
George W. Bush, Bill Gates, The Pope, and a boy scout are on a plane which is about to crash, with only three parachutes. Gates screams "I'm too smart to die!", grabs a parachute, and jumps.
Bush says "Ah'm too impurtant to die!", grabs one of the parachutes, and jumps off
The Pope then turns to the boy scout and says, "My son, you are young and deserve to live. I am old and will die soon anyway..you take the last parachute and jump."
"Actually, Your Holiness," the boy scout responds, "We can both survive"
"And why is that, my son?" asks the perplexed Pope
"President Bush just took my backpack."
This isn't really political, but it mentions a lot of political figures, so......
Michael J. Fox has a small one
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one
Madonna doesn't have one
The Pope has one but doesn't use it
Bill Clinton uses his all the time
What is it?
A last name! (Damn, you people are sick!)
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: philbo on 09/26/04 at 11:27 am
THE SENATOR FROM BRAY
Very good - the Vicar of Bray (Bray being about ten miles from here) was a song I grew up with - pacing ain't always 100%, but it would fit a singalong pretty well.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Don Carlos on 09/26/04 at 2:59 pm
A group of Republicans decide to go party, have some fun, and maybe get lucky.
A group of Democrates decide to forgo festivities, attend a fundamentalist revival meeting, and study the bible.
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
None can do it, or would if they could - they still use gas lights.
It takes four historians to change a light bulb (this is not political). One changes it, the second writes the initial interpretation, the 3rd writes the revision, and the 4th stirs the martinis.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/26/04 at 5:19 pm
REVENGE OF THE NERDS AS POLITICAL ALLEGORY
Coach Harris is a Republican and Dean Eulich is a Democrat. Start from there and draw your own conclusions. The metaphors are quite elegant.
::)
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Satish on 09/26/04 at 9:03 pm
A group of Republicans decide to go party, have some fun, and maybe get lucky.
A group of Democrates decide to forgo festivities, attend a fundamentalist revival meeting, and study the bible.
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
None can do it, or would if they could - they still use gas lights.
I'm sorry, I don't get these jokes; could someone explain them to me? I think the first one has to do with the two sides switching their traditional roles. And I guess the second one is about how Republicans are stuck in the past?
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Don Carlos on 09/27/04 at 9:40 am
I'm sorry, I don't get these jokes; could someone explain them to me? I think the first one has to do with the two sides switching their traditional roles. And I guess the second one is about how Republicans are stuck in the past?
So you did get them. ;)
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/27/04 at 1:14 pm
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one
A last name! (darn, you people are sick!)
After all those steroids he STILL has a big one!
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: Chrisrj on 09/29/04 at 2:48 pm
http://www.panix.com/~mgates/diedlied.jpg
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/steve_bell/2001/05/25/bellonbush.jpg
http://shockingelk.com/pictures/protest_2003_03_29/ (i love the one that's a few pictures down about the FORMER-republican) ;D
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/30/04 at 9:09 am
KARL ROVE ADMITS TO 'MEMOGATE' (CLICK THE LINK FOR PICTURE FROM NY POST):
http://www.crankyneocon.com/crankyneocon/images/postrove.jpg
Story:
"I just can't contain myself any longer!" crowed Rove during a routine White House press briefing. "It's like shooting fish in a barrel. I am un-f***ing stoppable!"
Rove revealed that he orchestrated the entire forged document scandal including duping CBS' Dan Rather into doing a segment on Bush's National Guard service.
"If they weren't so damned predictable, this might actually be work," said Rove, laughing.
"I mean, think about it," Rove continued, "for eight months they are throwing Moore, Kennedy and anyone else who'll say on camera that Bush is a no good Nazi.
"We come in with the Swifties - Pow! right where it hurts - they've gotta come back with George's Guard service. Bam! stepped right into that one! Kerry calls Barnes. Barnes calls Rather. Any idiot could see that one coming a mile away."
Asked why he is revealing what may be the crowning achievement in his long and successful career as a campaign strategist, Rove replied "because it gets a bit tiring seeing McAuliffe look like a smacked a$$ all the time."
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 09/30/04 at 5:13 pm
Wait a minute ??? I seem to recall people saying that Republicans "never would've had someone plant those letters :o" on a different thread. And people say the Dems "play dirty" ::)
It was satire. The New York Post cover and the story were fake. Do you really think the post would have a cover with a stupid-looking picture of Rove saying ''your dam* right I did it,'' and Rove saying he is ''un-f***ing stoppable.''
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: GWBush2004 on 10/10/04 at 11:03 pm
Here he comes to save the day (Kerry-Mighty Mouse parody)
'Mister Trouble never hangs around, when he hears this mighty sound: ''Here I come to save the day!'' That means that mighty Kerry is on the way.'
Yes! Here comes John Kerry to America's rescue: on global geopolitics, health care, economy, unemployment, the environment, even drowning hamsters! Yes indeed, Senator Kerry, democratic presidential nominee, famous Vietnam war hero and antiwar hero, in his latest incarnation as the mouse that once roared, can solve all of America's problems:
''To all who serve in our armed forces today,'' Kerry declared in his July 29th acceptance speech, ''I say help is on the way.'' He went on: ''What does it mean when workers I've met had to train their foreign replacements? America can do better. So tonight we say: help is on the way!'' And went on some more: ''What does it mean when 25% of children in Harlem have asthma because of air pollution? America can do better. Help is on the way!'' He continued: ''What does it mean when people are huddled in blankets in the cold, sleeping in Lafayette Park on the doorstep of the White House itself? America can do better. And help is on the way!''
One minor problem: Mighty Kerry doesn't say HOW he's going to end asthma, homelessness, and save the world. After George Bush's acceptance speech on September 2, Kerry called him ''unfit to lead this nation,'' and complained: ''I believe it's time to move America in a new direction: I believe it's time to set a new course for America. And we have a specific plan to do just that.'' Did he mention what the plan was? No.
When George Stephanopoulos on ABC's ''This Week'' asked him ''What are the differences between your approach and President Bush on Iraq going foward?'' Kerry replied: ''O'm not going to play my cards in public, George. I'm not going to play them before I'm President.''
Okay, so he has a secret plan. But at least it's a sensitive plan, as he told Unity minority journalist conference on August 5: ''I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on terror that reaches out to other nations...''
So there you have it. Kerry says he has a better way to do everything but he doesn't say what it is. You just have to take the advice of another flying fictional character, Tinkerbell, and ''Believe.''
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: dude on 10/11/04 at 5:05 am
You're right. We elected Clinton, and then ELECTED HIM AGAIN! Is Michael Moore right, are Americans stupid? Why did we elect Clinton?
Political humor is someone with this (^) screen name questioning anyones, let alone a decorated Viet-Nam vetran's military career.
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: jaytee on 10/11/04 at 5:36 pm
That's the problem with political jokes: they get elected ;)
Ah Phil you stole MY joke!! ;D ;D :o
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: philbo on 10/27/04 at 9:29 am
Every mornin' on the Hill you could see him arrive
...
FADE (Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
Just for balance.... I wrote one, too: http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/tennesseeernieford2.shtml
Subject: Re: Thread for all political humor, post it here.
Written By: CatwomanofV on 11/01/04 at 1:37 pm
My brother sent this to me today. Something to pass the time before the election.
http://www.imgag.com/product/full/ap/3067907/graphic1.swf
Cat