HELP WANTED: Hair stylist/colorist for vain, french-looking candidate and his boyish sidekick.  Experience with boring, humorless, pompous, profane clients and sycophantic partners essential.  Knowledge of ''two Americas,'' that is, both billionaires and millionaires, a plus. 

HELP WANTED: Handler for loose-cannon eccentric heiress who requires adult supervision 24/7.  Must be able to deflect or deep-six embarrassing revalations and career-ending gaffes before they appear in print.

HELP WANTED: Regular guy willing to handle everyday tasks for stiff, lordly national candidate.  Duties include: carrying items such as jock-straps, band-aids, ears of corn, and advising candidate on the habits of flyover country.  Knowledge of plebian foods such as Philly cheesesteaks and Wendy's chili helpful.  No Ivy-Leaguers.

HELP WANTED: Botax technician/miracle worker able to transform Shar-Pei skin of national candidate and produce youthful glow.

HELP WANTED: ''Gravitas'' manager able to transform callow, immature veep prospect and produce aura of experience.

HELP WANTED: Message handler who can focus issues for drifting national campaign as well as spin impenetrable rhetoric such as, ''I voted for the 87 billion before I voted against it.''

HELP WANTED: Overzealous hack speechwriter for haughty national candidate ready to make outrageous, unfounded claims and then take heat for them.  Should be deft at rewriting history as well as advocating both sides of every issue.  Must not mind being publicly denounced by candidate.  Competitive enviroment (translation: lots of turnover.)

HELP WANTED: Foreign leaders willing to publicly endorse challenger for national office.  (No dictators or militant terrorists need apply.)

HELP WANTED: Warm-up comedians able to enliven audience for national politcal figure with an unusual lack of charisma.  Must be capable of turning on a dead room and keeping it electrified for at least 40 full minutes (which will feel like days.)

HELP WANTED: National campaign director capable of dragging pompous, arrogant, narcissistic, political hack over the finish line in November.  Must be able to handle failure.

PERSONALS: Metrosexual seeking partner: Vietnam vet blue-blood and experienced gold-digger anxious to dump loony wife.  Now seeking multi-billionaire companion: Benedict Arnold CEOs okay.  No pre-nup. 

WILL BUY: Campaign bumper stickers and buttons from 1982 Dukakis/Kerry (Gov/Lt. Gov) race.  Top prices paid.  Please bring items to the Kerry campaign headquarters and ask for head of Shredding Dept.

Some of your "co-relgionists" might think this is funny.  Seems to me to demonstrate the shallowness of your  thinking.  I could easily write (did you ACTUALLY write this?) a similar list re your Lil Georgie, but why waste the time?  Although mine would focus on the real issues, like health insurance (1.4 million more without it) or poverty (1.3 million more living in it), or jobs (still over 1 mill. lost), or the highest deficit in history, or Iraq (half the country controlled by insurgents - but we are winning!?), or failure to heed warnings re 9/11 from Clinton officials, just to mention a few "catostrophic victories".

A good example of my argument that the right-wing has no sense of humor.  That is, it's not that they don't try to be funny, it's that they don't understand what makes humor work.
:P

A good example of my argument that the right-wing has no sense of humor.  That is, it's not that they don't try to be funny, it's that they don't understand what makes humor work.
:P


I've noticed that too. 

Goerge W. Bush was a fighter pilot during the Vietnam war - in Texas, sometimes.  (now thats funnny).

GWBush, you're not making your cause look any better. Even I found that joke stupid and I usually laugh at anything. :P

I'm sure most "men" will say that's due to your hormones ;D

Yeah, but as Archie Bunker said, there's something else called "his-mones" which makes men like big cars, mean dogs, and ice hockey.  Goes both ways I guess.
:-\\

I'm sure most "men" will say that's due to your hormones ;D


Yep. I'm just a woman full of extra hormones who doesn't have a rational thought. ;D

Actually, you DO have a biological excuse for "no rational thought".  I remember reading somewhere that the female brain actually "shrinks" during pregnancy.  Don't worry, it goes back to normal after birth ;)


Are you to be congradulated?  Are you in the "family way"?  None of my business of course, but good wishes if you are.

Brian size, it has been shown, has very little to do with intelligence.  Men usually have larger brains than women because they are bigger, not smarter.  And one must ask "what part of the female brain "shrinks" during pregnancy - it does matter.  But than,  ;) women do have a problem with being rational, right guys, especially during that "special time".

Are you to be congradulated?  Are you in the "family way"?  None of my business of course, but good wishes if you are.

Yep. Rice Cube and I are expecting a baby sometime in January. :) And of course it's your business. I think of the people on this board as family, even when we don't get along! ;D


But than,  ;) women do have a problem with being rational, right guys, especially during that "special time".


I know I do! That is one time you do NOT want to argue with me, look at me wrong, etc. You will get your head chewed off. :D

Brian size, it has been shown, has very little to do with intelligence.  Men usually have larger brains than women because they are bigger, not smarter.  And one must ask "what part of the female brain "shrinks" during pregnancy - it does matter.  But than,  ;) women do have a problem with being rational, right guys, especially during that "special time".



Um...Just remember, I know where you live!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/aktion/action-smiley-




Cat

Um...Just remember, I know where you live!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/aktion/action-smiley-




Cat


Uh oh. You'd better watch out, Carlos. ;D

Yep. Rice Cube and I are expecting a baby sometime in January. :) And of course it's your business. I think of the people on this board as family, even when we don't get along! ;D



I know I do! That is one time you do NOT want to argue with me, look at me wrong, etc. You will get your head chewed off. :D


I know this is not political but...

May I wish you both all the happiness in the world, and you a healthy pregnancy and a speedy delivery.  May I encourage you to do La Maz and natural delivery if you can, and to nurse your baby at least for a week or 2?  Having Rice help with the delivery will be good for all three of you, and at first, you will produce colosturum, not milk.  Colosturum is richer in calories than milk, and contains many anti-bodies and other good stuff to get a baby off to a healthy start.  Please consult La Leche League, a volunteer group that will give you (free of charge) all the help you need, and lots of info.  Could I also encourage Rice to assist with the delivery?  You both will find it an incredable experience.  I was there for all 4 of my kids' births, and cried oceans every time - for joy.  Please also encourage him to have skin to skin contact with the baby, on his chest is good.  It encourages bonding.  Again, I wish you all good health and a happy, healthy child.

And thanks for incuding us in your "blessed event".

As to your last sentance, being irritable doesn't necessarilly make one irrational.  Cat gets irritable, but her mind still functions. ;)  But then, we are all different, sort of.

I know this is not political but...

May I wish you both all the happiness in the world, and you a healthy pregnancy and a speedy delivery.  May I encourage you to do La Maz and natural delivery if you can, and to nurse your baby at least for a week or 2?  Having Rice help with the delivery will be good for all three of you, and at first, you will produce colosturum, not milk.  Colosturum is richer in calories than milk, and contains many anti-bodies and other good stuff to get a baby off to a healthy start.  Please consult La Leche League, a volunteer group that will give you (free of charge) all the help you need, and lots of info.  Could I also encourage Rice to assist with the delivery?  You both will find it an incredable experience.  I was there for all 4 of my kids' births, and cried oceans every time - for joy.  Please also encourage him to have skin to skin contact with the baby, on his chest is good.  It encourages bonding.  Again, I wish you all good health and a happy, healthy child.

And thanks for incuding us in your "blessed event".

As to your last sentance, being irritable doesn't necessarilly make one irrational.  Cat gets irritable, but her mind still functions. ;)  But then, we are all different, sort of.


This deserves another thread, but as one who went through natural I'm going to say now, say loud,
say proud, take the drugs.  Drugs, in my opinion were discovered but women who had given birth
as a gift to women who were going to give birth.  This is one I will argue forever, especially to anyone
who hasn't been through the horror that is the miracle of birth.

"French-looking?" Now there is a relevent jibe, because I forgot how much all Americans hate the French. Silly me for not getting that one right off the bat. You know, now that you've reminded me how much I hate the French, and now that you've pointed out how much Kerry looks like one of them... I think I am going to forget all the issues and change my vote!

And as far as that billionaire wife of his. Forget it... I mean, what business would a first lady have knowing five languages and spending all her time in philanthropy anyway...? Yep, a first lady should spend all her time associateing herself with her husband's last name and decorating the White House at Christmas instead of actually contributing.

Au revoir! Et, merci beaucoups! Maintenent je me souviens que je detest les francais!

"French-looking?" Now there is a relevent jibe, because I forgot how much all Americans hate the French. Silly me for not getting that one right off the bat. You know, now that you've reminded me how much I hate the French, and now that you've pointed out how much Kerry looks like one of them... I think I am going to forget all the issues and change my vote!

And as far as that billionaire wife of his. Forget it... I mean, what business would a first lady have knowing five languages and spending all her time in philanthropy anyway...? Yep, a first lady should spend all her time associateing herself with her husband's last name and decorating the White House at Christmas instead of actually contributing.

Au revoir! Et, merci beaucoups! Maintenent je me souviens que je detest les francais!

If you use your higher chakras, you won't vote for Bush.  The fact that the right-wing sunk to naked bigotry is absolutely shameful. SHAMEFUL!!!  That they've succeeded in making "looking French" a pejorative is frightening indeed. 
If the population at large had any self-respect there would be universal clamoring to drive these nazi pigs out of town and NOT polls running neck and neck!

If you use your higher chakras, you won't vote for Bush.  The fact that the right-wing sunk to naked bigotry is absolutely shameful. SHAMEFUL!!!  That they've succeeded in making "looking French" a pejorative is frightening indeed. 



I wonder how well that song plays Way down yonder in New Orleans ;D