Yes there is such a thing...for starters their OWN kids get new clothes and stuff,the foster kids wear worn out old hand-me-downs...because the foster parent(s)sometimes line their own pockets with State stipends meant to buy the foster kids DECENT clothing! But what really gets me is the CHILD ABUSE and NEGLECT that goes on in these families...obviously some caseworkers do a half-baked job at background checks of potential caregivers and SUPERVISING foster families! In one foster home I was thrown to the floor by the mom because I didn't complete a task to her satisfaction,another incident...she threw me up against a wall....as well as verbal abuse. And my state's Division of Youth and Family Services NEVER told me I could contact them if I was an abuse victim...

My dad was the same. He treated my step-mom's 'child' a lot better than he did me and my brother. We were always begrudgingly taken to charity shops (there is nothing wrong with this in itself) while her child got special treatment and new clothes all the time. We got nothing for Christmas and birthdays for our beliefs while the child got brand new things.

I feel for both of you. I never had step parents or foster parents but I have heard so many stories about poor children and what they endure >:(.
It is sad that animals rights are protected more than children. The foster care system is so overloaded and the state will not allow more money to hire more qualified staff and monitors. Just about anyone can be a foster parent.  The government can spend millions on the hublle telescope, but they can give more to the system!!
That's my opinion.

DSS (Department of Social Services) in Massachusetts routinely removes children from abuse of parents, only to put them in even worse foster homes.  I don't know how it works in other states, but in Mass., foster parenting is a paying gig.  A lot of bad people get into for the wrong reasons. 
DSS case workers are burdened with 10 time the number they can possibly handle and are ruefully underpaid by the state.  A lot of them are motivated by vendetta.  If a parent defies the agency, the caseworker will come down on the family like a ton of bricks.  They don't care how the child suffers, they just want to flex their bureaucratic muscles.  The family services and foster care system is totally Dickensian and a crying shame.
If the state found out half the things that were happening to me when I was a kid, I would have been placed in foster care.  That probably would have just driven me totally mad!

New Jersey has done a HORRIBLE job of monitoring some adoptive parents too. There was a case in Camden County of adoptive parents starving four of their adopted kids.....D*** NJ DYFS!!

New Jersey has done a HORRIBLE job of monitoring some adoptive parents too. There was a case in Camden County of adoptive parents starving four of their adopted kids.....D*** NJ DYFS!!

Yeah, that's the very case I was thinking of, but for every case of egregious abuse that makes the news there's a million more cases of various degrees of abuse that go unsung.  Lives are are ruined daily in abusive foster homes.

I feel for both of you. I never had step parents or foster parents but I have heard so many stories about poor children and what they endure >:(.
It is sad that animals rights are protected more than children. The foster care system is so overloaded and the state will not allow more money to hire more qualified staff and monitors. Just about anyone can be a foster parent.  The government can spend millions on the hublle telescope, but they can give more to the system!!
That's my opinion.


Thanks annieox03. Those circumstances were testing, but not overwhelming, situations. I was fed at least and the house was clean. My step parent tried to introduce me and my brother to doing voluntary school homework and, as kids, we weren't brought up that way (I don't think we were brought up in any way) and obviously rebelled against the idea. I am quite a bright person and don't feel the need to do maths sums because I am inadequate at it. I use a calculator like everyone else and algebra or calculus don't pop up in my professional or private life.  :-\\

The neglect and favouritism was what caused both me and my brother to rebel. In my eyes I felt my dad kept us so that it gauranteed him a council house (a family gets priority over a couple with no children in the housing waiting list). Once he got the council house, we were of no use to him.

foster parenting is a paying gig.

Same here in NJ....Some people will do anything for the almighty dollar!

What makes me sick about foster parenting is there was recently a case here in IL where there was an amazingly wonderful foster mother who had taken in many children that noone else wanted.  Her sister, a drug addict, made a false report of abuse against her and her children were taken away.  Now, even though extensive investigations have proven the allegations to be false (including her sister admitting she lied because she was mad that the foster mother refused to give her money or something stupid like that), she is still unable to get the children back and has had her "certification" revoked indefinitely.  Now, this was a woman who had devoted almost all of her adult life (she's around 55, I think) to foster children and prior children that lived with her say she was the best foster parent they had ever had, can no longer be a foster parent.  And, she does not have the means to fight the system.
That woman's sister slandered her...she should SUE the wretched loser!

I think there are many really good foster homes out there-as well as ones that shouldn't be foster homes. My brother-in-law's niece and nephew was put in foster care and were adopted by their foster family. But, I do know there are many people out there who should NOT be foster parents (or parents for that matter). But, how do you determane which is good and which is not? I don't know. Maybe the entire system needs to be overhauled.

As for step-parents, I loved my step-father dearly and still miss him (he has been gone for more then 10 years now).  :\'( And now I am a step-parent myself. I must admit that there are times when I really don't know where my place is as a step. One thing that I do, is I treat all of Carlos' kids with respect. They are human beings with minds of their own (and all are of age). Sometimes I don't agree with their choices but it is THEIR choice. But, I think any parent feels the same at times.




Cat

As for step-parents, I loved my step-father dearly and still miss him (he has been gone for more then 10 years now).  :\'( And now I am a step-parent myself. I must admit that there are times when I really don't know where my place is as a step. One thing that I do, is I treat all of Carlos' kids with respect. They are human beings with minds of their own (and all are of age). Sometimes I don't agree with their choices but it is THEIR choice. But, I think any parent feels the same at times.


I, in a situation similar to yourself, feel that if you are concerned enough to wonder where your place is within the household (like I do and question my girlfriend frequently about it  ;D), you're half way there. It shows you care.  :)

Part of the problem is that DYFS(NJ's Division of Youth and Family Services)caseworkers have such humongous caseloads....because of our miserly Governor Jim McGreevey and his 'austerity' plan he invoked because NJ did NOT have the HUGE surplus of funds they supposedly had...and HUMAN SERVICES are always victimized by budget cuts...while crap like tourism and the rich folks' pet projects(such as the arts)still get their nice little chunk of money..And the rich also get the most tax breaks. Screw the poor people,NJ...as well as the rest of America...is owned by the rich(or it at least seems that way)!That is absolutely horrible.

I, in a situation similar to yourself, feel that if you are concerned enough to wonder where your place is within the household (like I do and question my girlfriend frequently about it  ;D), you're half way there. It shows you care.  :)



Thanks, Bobby. I think you have more input in your girlfriend's kid's life than I do in Carlos' kids lives. They don't live with us and with the expection of his youngest, they are all "out on their own".



Cat

I would like to know where the pro-life people in this situation are.  I respect the
prolife position, but it is a fact that foster/adoptive parents tend to be pro-choice.
Fewer pro-life people offer there services to the already born, and there is a
desparate need for quality foster care. What's that all about?

I would like to know where the pro-life people in this situation are.  I respect the
prolife position, but it is a fact that foster/adoptive parents tend to be pro-choice.
Fewer pro-life people offer there services to the already born, and there is a
desparate need for quality foster care. What's that all about?



I can't vouch for your facts, but it wouldn't surprise me that you were right.  Assuming that you are, I would hassard that pro-choice people are more tolerant, more compassionate, more giving, more accepting, and more loving, on average, than anti-abortion people.  I know some "pro-life" people who DO NOT fit this profile, as everyone does, just not many.

There IS a desperate need for quality foster care.  Most hopefull adaptive parants want new borns, and I can understans why.  Before my 4th wonderful kid was born, my X proposed adopting not a newborn, but an older kid.  I know the need.  I have an idea of the risk, and I wasn't ready to take it (maybe at heart I AM a conservative - God Forbid).  But one SHOULD ask, where are all these "pro-life" people when it comes to protecting what they, themselves claim is sacred?  Where does GWB stand on children?  Read his posts in the "Children" thread.  He is very clear.

After adding to politisizing this thread, let me add my sympathy and "collective appolgy" to those who have suffered in abusive, or even just uncaring foster homes.  I offer you my sincere hopes for a brighter future, and think that your willingness to bring this subject up here suggests that you have the stuff to make one.  I don't know that I can offer much, but you have my support and my good wishes.  Good luck to you.

I gleaned that fact out of a article in a magazine a few years ago when there were some particularly ugly incidents outside of womens health clinics around the country.  I never forgot the fact, but as to who made the poll, I'm not sure.  I do respect the opinion of the pro-lifers, but not the actions.  I am of the If you don't believe in abortion don't have one school.

All they care about is that the child was born, then they jump to the panacea of "adoption".  They continue to babble on and on about how many people are out there who "desperately want a CHILD" when DC hit it right on the head...they want a BABY.  If there were truly enough people out there willing to adopt these "unwanted" children (for lack of a better term) who are IN foster care, the FC system in this country wouldn't be overburdened by the amount of children IN it permanently and it could go back to it's original purpose:  to care for children temporarily when their parents/family are unable to.  It was never meant to be a permanent solution.
It's also harder for foster kids-especially older kids and special-needs kids-to get permanent homes. And I know from experience what being unwanted-and unloved-by the person(s)who are supposed to LOVE and SUPPORT you-emotionally-does to ANYONE in that situation. And also not being able to find out why you were removed from your birth parents...or getting vague reasons...I wish I was told the truth.

I was a foster child. My parents just got fed up with me for about a month, and told me to get a "foster home". So someone took me in and they were horrid. They always smacked me each day *I was forgetful then, that's why they smacked me* and one incident, they literally threw me across the room and said that I had gone into a rage and as someone moved away, I smacked my head into the table fiercely. They slapped me hard for "going into a rage" and while they were there, they managed to put a cold flannel on the massive bruise.

This is true people! I was absolutely terrified of them. Whenever I passed them with my parents, I always hid behind my mom and stayed there until they were gone!

Wow, Ripp, that is horrible.  I am glad you are out of that situation.

I was a foster child. My parents just got fed up with me for about a month, and told me to get a "foster home". So someone took me in and they were horrid. They always smacked me each day *I was forgetful then, that's why they smacked me* and one incident, they literally threw me across the room and said that I had gone into a rage and as someone moved away, I smacked my head into the table fiercely. They slapped me hard for "going into a rage" and while they were there, they managed to put a cold flannel on the massive bruise.

This is true people! I was absolutely terrified of them. Whenever I passed them with my parents, I always hid behind my mom and stayed there until they were gone!


Your parents just got fed up with you so passed you onto someone obviously unfit to parent you? That is awful, Ripp.  :( I hope you feel better now that is behind you.  :)