If you choke a smurf what color would it turn?

Why do places that are open 24 hours daily have locks on their door?

Why do places that are open 24 hours daily have locks on their door?


so the lone employee who works there can run to the washroom

so the lone employee who works there can run to the washroom
why does your avatar make me feel... funny. down there.  ???

why does your avatar make me feel... funny. down there.  ???


Cause she is just as hot as Kim Richards? :D

Cause she is just as hot as Kim Richards? :D
well, i wouldn't go all THAT far  ;D but she's a looker, fer shurr.

okay, i saw a big list of these park-on-a-driveway question jokes somewhere. i should google it.

Hi Tia and wistledog.  Valentine's Day is so scary to me.

i sent an email a couple days ago, asking, are we practicing wednesday or thursday? they shot back, thursday is valentines day! i'd totally forgotten.

did i mention i like your hat?

If you eat natural foods do you still die from natural causes?

Now there's a good question.

why do we call buildings buildings, and not builts? after all, typically, they're done.

Why do we leave the doors to banks open and chain the pens to the counters?

What happens if we get scared to death more then once? ???

forgot the word half

If you choke a smurf what color would it turn?


Blue,what other color would they turn? ???

i sent an email a couple days ago, asking, are we practicing wednesday or thursday? they shot back, thursday is valentines day! i'd totally forgotten.

did i mention i like your hat?
ummmm.....did you send one back telling them Thursday is NOT Valentine's Day, it was Wednesday ???
Blue,what other color would they turn? ???
ummmm, Howard, they're already blue, they're smurfs ::)

If you choke a smurf what color would it turn?
Purple...

ummmm.....did you send one back telling them Thursday is NOT Valentine's Day, it was Wednesday ???ummmm, Howard, they're already blue, they're smurfs ::)


Well Blue and Red make purple

If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?



That's not a joke

The only things that I've seen turn blue are in cartoons.  I guess you would be right although I never tried it. ;)

If you choke a smurf what color would it turn?


Someone posted a cartoon here a couple of years ago (possibly Henk because it was in Dutch).  It had someone strangling a smurf and saying "Look they turn pink when you squeeze them"

Why do they lock the restrooms at gas stations?  Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?

reminds me of a parody I've wrote, wanna read it?  http://www.amiright.com/parody/submit.shtml

Why do they lock the restrooms at gas stations?  Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?

reminds me of a parody I've wrote, wanna read it?  http://www.amiright.com/parody/submit.shtml



I always thought you needed a key for gas station restrooms? ???

I always thought you needed a key for gas station restrooms? ???


???

You need a key because it's locked.

???

You need a key because it's locked.



Some restrooms are open

Some restrooms are open


You don't tell jokes very often, do you?  :D

You don't tell jokes very often, do you?  :D



Not often

knock knock

knock knock


who's there?

who's there?
nobody.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?  :D

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?  :D



People?

People?

Makes perfect sense to me!  ;D

My sister said someone told her this on Monday, " I saw two Eskimoes outside your house the other night.  They said they weren't cold, just hungry"  ???   
  Now, the guy who said this was the husband of one of my sister's weight loss group members. Is ^ a fat joke that isn't funny or what?  She's big and they expected food at our house because she doesn't look starved?    She and I aren't laughing.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?  :D


Cheese? ???

Cheese? ???



No, they'd say people.

No, they'd say people.



Cheese should say "Cheese".

Cheese should say "Cheese".



No Howard.  If people say "Cheese", then cheese should say "People".

No Howard.  If people say "Cheese", then cheese should say "People".



What if People don't say Cheese?

What if People don't say Cheese?



Then cheese doesn't say anything.

If you get olive oil by squeezing olives and you corn oil from by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?



Cat

If you get olive oil by squeezing olives and you corn oil from by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?



Cat

From Cheese?  ;)  ::)

From Cheese?  ;)  ::)



Lmao



Cat

If you get olive oil by squeezing olives and you corn oil from by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?



Cat




Squeezing babies.  Duh.

If you get olive oil by squeezing olives and you corn oil from by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?



Along the same line:

If Firefighters fight fires and Crimefighters fight crime, What do Freedomfighters fight?

Along the same line:

If Firefighters fight fires and Crimefighters fight crime, What do Freedomfighters fight?


They fight for freedom whenever there's trouble GI Joe is there... ;D

How do you draw a blank?

How do you draw a blank?



Like this _____?  :-\\    ;D ;D




Cat

that works or maybe if I just draw the words a blank :D

How do you draw a blank?


I don't know.

I don't know.
looks like you just did.

Stop sending the same movie Tia

Stop sending the same movie Tia
???

I just keep clicking on what seems to be part of your signature Tia.  No problem it's just me.

How come the word abbreviate is so long?

How come the word abbreviate is so long?



Since when is that a joke?

I don't know

I don't know


You mean... "Don't I Know?"

I think it time for me to go to the arcade and juggle some chickens.  I'm out of jokes right now.

How come the word abbreviate is so long?


And why is there only one Monopolies Commission

I got one.

So these two nuns are riding bicycles back to the convent over a cobblestone road. One says, “wow. I’ve never come this way before.” The other says, “yeah, it’s the cobblestones.”

Guess there’s not really a question there, but I’d be prepared to any questions you might have.

I got one.

So these two nuns are riding bicycles back to the convent over a cobblestone road. One says, “wow. I’ve never come this way before.” The other says, “yeah, it’s the cobblestones.”

Guess there’s not really a question there, but I’d be prepared to any questions you might have.



my question is, why nuns?

my question is, why nuns?


Because nuns = fun.

Because nuns = fun.


sure. if = means 'rhymes with'

i imagine it's because nuns are probably more sexually pentup and so could achieve shangri-la just by riding a bouncy bike.

then again, evidently the one nun has, er, gone a number of different ways, so it really is a bit of a stumper, isn't it.

i imagine it's because nuns are probably more sexually pentup and so could achieve shangri-la just by riding a bouncy bike.

then again, evidently the one nun has, er, gone a number of different ways, so it really is a bit of a stumper, isn't it.


ok. i accept the nuns. had it been like.....a nun and me, it would go like this.

"ive never come this way before"
"i have."

ok. i accept the nuns. had it been like.....a nun and me, it would go like this.

"ive never come this way before"
"i have."




;D

I miss you Kkay. 

sure. if = means 'rhymes with'


whiff?

If a seagull flies over the bay can we call it a bagel ?

Did you hear about the group that broke into the police department and stole their only toilet?

If a seagull flies over the bay can we call it a bagel ?


A bagel doesn't fly. ;D

;D

I miss you Kkay. 


yeah, i miss you too.

hmm...  bump

OK - I'll jump into the mix - this is a DoRitos original in true Steven Wright fashion:

If you had a brain transplant would you know it?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

What If The Hokey Pokey Is All It Really Is About?



Cat

What If The Hokey Pokey Is All It Really Is About?



Cat


The world would be so much simpler.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

How would the headlights on a space craft function if turned on while the craft was traveling at the speed of light?

Or even better, how would they function when the craft has exceeded the speed of light?

A man does this standing up and a women does this sitting down and a dog does this by lifting its leg.  What is it that they are doing?

A simple hand shake.

What is worse than a bus load of lawyers going over a cliff?

That same bus with an empty seat..  

I think life is hokey pokey  and trying to life in it can be a ver complicated thing.

What If The Hokey Pokey Is All It Really Is About?



Cat



then everyone would be dancing to it.

I have never seen a "head" on Star Trek and why is that?  Do they simply have the substance of their bodily functions beemed into space? 

New Ensign - Excuse me chief but where is the head?
Seasoned Engineer - Just report to any transpoter platform with the half moon of Telos IV on it.  The closest one is in ten forward.

I have never seen a "head" on Star Trek and why is that?  Do they simply have the substance of their bodily functions beemed into space? 

New Ensign - Excuse me chief but where is the head?
Seasoned Engineer - Just report to any transpoter platform with the half moon of Telos IV on it.  The closest one is in ten forward.



;D ;D ;D


Actually, the reason for it is because the designer of the Enterprise went to the same architecture school as the guy who designed the Brady house.



Cat 

What If The Hokey Pokey Is All It Really Is About?


Silence, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.

even though it is a joke, I need to ask

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?


I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking... I mean, what would the children look like?

A man goes to a 7-11.  The sigh says "Open 24 hours".  As he approaches the door the on duty cleck is locking up for the night.  The man says to the clerk, "What are you doing".  The clerk says, "What does it look like I'm doing'?  The man says, "Closing the store".  THe clerk says, "exactly"  The man says, "But your sign says "Open 24 hours".  The clerk retorts, "Yes we are, but not is a row".

I feel like I'm not getting jokes any more

  Knock, knock,

  Who's there?

yeah who are you? I really want to know

  Knock, knock,

  Who's there?





It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink.



Cat

yeah who are you? I really want to know


You first please - a security question follows:

Do, you like cupcakes?

he he

I know you now, but I'm not telling anyone.  Let them figure it out for themselves.  I actually thought you were someone else, but that does not mean a disappointment to me.  It is my pleasure to banter about on this thread with you.

You first please - a security question follows:

Do, you like cupcakes?


Yes,I like cupcakes.

An electrician works on electricity.
A garbage man works on garbage.
A roofer works on roofs.
A gardener works on gardens.
A plumber works on plumbs?  ???



Cat

Yes,I like cupcakes.


who doesn't     

An electrician works on electricity.
A garbage man works on garbage.
A roofer works on roofs.
A gardener works on gardens.
A plumber works on plumbs?  ???



Cat
plumbing...  But you tell me what does a butcher work on butches????

plumbing...  But you tell me what does a butcher work on butches????



;D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

plumbing...  But you tell me what does a butcher work on butches????


That's after the shift is over.  ;)

And I would surmise that a barber works on Barbs?

Barb rann

Barbawawa

If big elephants have big trunks, do small elephants have suitcases?

I saw a commercial recently about a new product called powered water.  I went right out and bought some.  My question is, what do I add?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?


Why yes indeed I have pondered that WC.  We do know the speed of light however, but does anyone know for sure the speed of dark?

I saw a commercial recently about a new product called powered water.  I went right out and bought some.  My question is, what do I add?


never heard of that before. ???

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll?

never heard of that before. ???



I guess you never listened to Steven Wright.




Cat

I guess you never listened to Steven Wright.

Cat

Steven Wright = Genius  (If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?)

Steven Wright = Genius  (If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?)



I once bought a can of used paint. It came in the shape of a house.



Cat

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

I guess you never listened to Steven Wright.




Cat


Yes I've heard of Steven Wright. He's a comedian.

Steven Wright = Genius  (If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?)


Another steven Wight quip:  "Once I put instant coffee in the mcirowave, i nearly went back in time". 

Steven Wright = Genius  (If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?)


I agree. Steven Wright packed so many jokes into one routine. It's a shame he isn't well known in the UK. My favourite one-liner:

"The other day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ..."


Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll?


A Tootsie roll pop (lollipop), there is a difference

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll?
We have had this before somewhere.

We have had this before somewhere.


It doesn't take 3 licks then *CRUNCH*!

You ever hear the one about the guy who pickpocketed midgets?






... I never thought anyone could stoop so low.

he he

didn't think anyone was going to bump this old thread back

he he

didn't think anyone was going to bump this old thread back


That's what happens when you spend two years off the forum then come back to read "new replies to posts!"