What is yours like?

My dad and I, for a brief time when I was a kid I would say from 1994 to 1997/98 wee very close. We went on trips together, did projects together, had a lot of fun. My dd HS since his teens struggled with alcohol and substance abuse issues. Those four years in the mid 90s were probably his most stable and sober period. My dad is a sentimental, creative (moreso than I could ever be) and funny guy. When drunk or high he is the scariest person on Earth. On one hand I love him, on the other I can't stand and fear him and I feel like he hates me. He once told me that he sort of gave up on me when I became a teenager because my mother mother had undermined him so much that he felt he didn't get the chance to raise me as he wanted. As much as I know my father, I really also don't. We talk and we're very much alike but there is a distance. He continues to so drugs (painkillers an benzodiazepines) and it saddens me to see his physical and cognitive decline. He's 64 but he's in much worse shape than his dad was at the same age. He'll get high and fall over and I worry one day I'm gonna get a call saying he fell and hit his head too hard. It's hard because it's like two men in one.

My father would sing with me, made me dolls, let me help him build a dollhouse, played computer games with me, let me drive his car at age 7, taught me to read, taught me morality.  He took thousands of photos of me, hours of film and audio. He was a larger than life presence. But we never played catch. He never taught me how to build a house or add to one or how to put up a wall or construct s closet. He's very street smart and a fighter yet never taught me how to fight. Never taught me street skills. When high he did everything he could to verbally dehumanized me and destroy my confidence and self esteem. Yet growing up I wanted to be just like him, emulate him. He was strict. When I was little, the TV was the idiot box. He held Bill Clinton in disdain. I wasn't allowed to say "if" because "if pigs had wings they'd fly, there is no if." If I referred to mom as "she" he would say "she is 'your mother', 'she' is a female dog."

As he sank deeper into addiction, in my teens, my now ex brother in law became a substitute. They're very much alike in some ways, from their views to even both having long hair. My brother in law was like the trashier version of My dad. My dad liked the Grateful Dead and collected dolls; my brother loved Slayer and collected Warhammer 40k figures. My dad is a professional worker who held down the same job for 15 years, my brother in law was lucky if he held one for two months. Both drank. Where my dad became violent and cruel when drunk, my brother in law would become deep, mellow, and introspective when drunk and we woul have deep conversations on the universe.

My mother, I am ashamed to say, is someone I hold almost no emotion for. We talk daily but emotionally I don't feel much. She worked until I was 6 and she wouldn't get home from work until I was asleep so she doesn't figure much in my formative memories. And after she retired she was always sort of a distant figure to me. Loving and coddling but....I never felt close with her. She was just sort of there. And I feel terrible saying that. When things would get bad she would run away, and not take me. Most notable is June '96 she ran away for a week. My dad and I found her sleeping in her car. I feel like she was just there. My dad I understand because he's mentally ill. I fight off the urge to drink; he can't. My mom is controlling and I feel like she tries to live vicariously through me. It's hard to explain. But I don't have feeling there.

What about your relationships with yours?

Hope this doesn't disappoint, but my folks were great.  All the usual rural/suburban stuff, baseball, swimming, fishing, 'and of course, "helping" when he had projects around the house.  Helping consisted of handing him  tools and at the time was BOOOORING, but looking back I learned a lot and we had great conversations.  Mom was also terrific.  She worked for part of my kidhood, but was also very much involved with both me and my sister.  Just a normal working/middle class kidhood

When I was growing up, I was always afraid of My Father because if one of us had did something wrong, he would scream his head off, hit one of us or strap us but years later as he's gotten much older, he's mellowed out a bit, still screams at times but he won't hit, I thought of him as a big bully.

My Mother on the other hand was the kind soul of the two, sometimes when I was growing up and My Mother knew I had emotional problems or if I had cursed, she'd stick a bar of soap in my mouth or she would get angry at me but other than that she was such a sweet woman and she would make friends with just about anyone she met.

I have always gotten along perfectly well with my mom & dad. They raised me to be a good person. I have always come to them when I feel bad about something, and they've offered me advice to deal with it (sometimes even helping me directly).

My father passed a long time ago and I loved him, although didn't spend as much time with him growing up.
My mother is a whole 'nother story that I won't go into very much. We haven't spoken in at least 10 years and probably never will again.
I was mostly raised by my grandparents.

I had/have issues with both my parents but love them both and miss them both. Lost Dad in 2012 and lost Ma in 2013.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(


Cat

I had/have issues with both my parents but love them both and miss them both. Lost Dad in 2012 and lost Ma in 2013.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(


Cat



sorry to hear about that Cat. :\'(

There are times when I might hate them but I love My Father when both of us good food shopping at our Stop N Shop every few weeks and My Mother, I love talking to her and when she brings me into her room and closes the door just to give me "the talk". ::)

I read your post :o

Me and my parents get along really well. My dad used to verbally abuse me in my teens and I kept my distance from him into my early 20s, but we've been a lot closer lately and mended. My mom and I get along famously, always have. I'm a complete mama's boy tbh, I'd be completely lost without her.

They don't know I'm gay yet though.  :-X

My mom and I get along great.  I've always been close to my mom.
My dad on the other hand, who died from lung cancer in 16, I never got along well with him.  I can make a small list of things that he did wrong when I was with him.  When I was 19 I just severed my relationship with him because he was drunk calling me in the middle of the night wanting to speak to my mother.  Then he was drunk calling us in the middle of the night wanting to speak to me and I told my mom to tell him I'm sleeping. 
I didn't hear from him again until 3 years ago when he called me up suddenly and told me that he had stage 4 lung cancer. 
He didn't get it diagnosed correctly by the time he did get it diagnosed correctly it was too late to do anything about it.

I have a good relationship with my parents, I love My Mother and she's quite friendly when she wants to be and My Father, we both go food shopping and he's quite the guru of almost anything you ask him, he'll know it by heart.

I have a good relationship with my parents, I love My Mother and she's quite friendly when she wants to be and My Father, we both go food shopping and he's quite the guru of almost anything you ask him, he'll know it by heart.

that's good.

Sometimes my parents & I get into arguments if we disagree over something, but we always love each other very much.

I don't know how to keep it a secret any longer. But I must.

I miss my dad. He's been deceased since 2011. My mother says I should embrace his memory and share it with others. But I'm not so sure.

I’ve always had a good relationship with my mom. She is on my side no matter what I do. My dad I get along with for the most part. But often he disapproves of what I do, until he sees that it was a good choice. Like getting this house. He usually disapproved the people I dated, but I guess he was always right because every one was a failure. In general it doesn’t matter what he says because I’ve always done whatever I want, at least since I was 18. If he didn’t approve then too bad.

I don't know how to keep it a secret any longer. But I must.

I miss my dad. He's been deceased since 2011. My mother says I should embrace his memory and share it with others. But I'm not so sure.



I had no idea of that. :\'( So sorry to hear about this.

I’ve always had a good relationship with my mom. She is on my side no matter what I do. My dad I get along with for the most part. But often he disapproves of what I do, until he sees that it was a good choice. Like getting this house. He usually disapproved the people I dated, but I guess he was always right because every one was a failure. In general it doesn’t matter what he says because I’ve always done whatever I want, at least since I was 18. If he didn’t approve then too bad.

On a similar note, my grandparents were not totally approving of certain choices my parents made when they were growing up (or even as adults). But that was just how they were.

I've always had a good relationship with My Mother, My Father is the one who teaches me stuff cause he taught himself how to do things.

I don't know how to keep it a secret any longer. But I must.

I miss my dad. He's been deceased since 2011. My mother says I should embrace his memory and share it with others. But I'm not so sure.


Sorry to hear that. :(

I don't know how to keep it a secret any longer. But I must.

I miss my dad. He's been deceased since 2011. My mother says I should embrace his memory and share it with others. But I'm not so sure.


Sorry to hear this, Jessica.  :\'( 

My Parents were born in the early 1920s and were very old school. Children should be seen but not heard. Mom had to make sure dinner was on the table within 5 minutes after dad got home from work. Parents never said much to compliment you, as long as you behaved and got good grades at school, they weren't a problem. I was well behaved and did well at school. My sister was rebellious and parents and her didn't get along. Constant friction.

I absolutely love my mother, and can only think of one thing she did wrong when I was growing up.
My father, on the other hand, I view as a b*stard and a could-be.

I love My Mother, she can be a bit annoying sometimes but I do love her, My Father has taught me to be a "self-taught guru" just like he's been doing himself from browsing things on The computer, to fixing things and just having common sense and knowledge. I think he hates the way I can't comprehend things in life, he yells at me for that.