I just found out this afternoon that my grandmother had died at 6-something today. She had a lot of health problems over the years:

Morbidly obese (for as long as I've known her)
Diabetes (since 1982)
CHF (at least since the 90s)
Depression (Pretty much all her life, but diagnosed in the 90s, I think)/anxiety (anhedonia)
Cartilage loss in the knees
Pulmonary hypertension (If I'm not mistaken) (if not COPD, but I think it's the former)

She was just put on hospice with end-stage CHF just weeks before her death.

She raised me and I lived with her (in some capacity) for 31 of my 32 years. For the last 20 years or so, I had an uneasy relationship with her. She could be such a hardass at times. We had our disagreements and fights. I never knew what kind of mood she'd be in. She and I had very different tastes. A Venn diagram would have very little overlap. She could be very hotheaded and opinionated. Strict. High expectations. Insufferable.

She admittedly wasn't a very happy person. "I've never been happy in my life!" She largely avoided sci-fi and fantasy. She hated "heavy" rock; anything that wasn't 50s/60s pop-rock('n' roll) was "metal" to her. She listened to rock 'n' roll (ONLY with roll), oldies and country almost exclusively, but she did like "White Rabbit," Cher, ELO, and Celine Dion. She wasn't a fan of Michael Bolton. (Me, neither. Except maybe his metal years.)

She was an animal lover and intolerant of anything to do with harm/abuse/hunting/death of/involving them, even in movies. Yet, ironically, she ate meat with no problems. She was a bit ignorant of math and technology. (I can't tell you how many times she and I fought over aspect ratios and Stretch-O-Vision! :D) As far as politics, she didn't really care ("Everybody lies to get your vote"), but she apparently liked Reagan and she voted for Obama (She didn't want McCain or a Mormon), Hillary (She already didn't like Trump), and Dems in the last elections. However, she was split down the middle from a sociopolitical standpoint (She was a bit strict, as above, but she did swear and could tell a good dirty joke. However, she ironically found George Lopez's standup for be too dirty, and she turned off Straight Outta Compton because she was "sick of the swearing.") Walking contradiction?

She could be tough, no-nonsense. When she'd overstep her boundaries/authority, and I called her out on it, she'd take on that "Don't question authority" or "Don't answer a question with a question" attitude. I immediately felt bad vibes whenever she'd enter a room. Her parenting style was more authoritarian than not, but she did become more relaxed with age. She got a lot of her negative qualities from her mother, my great grandmother.

Grandma was born in Utah, but also lived in (as far as I know) Missouri (I was born in St. Louis), Idaho, Colorado, and Oklahoma. We moved back to Colorado last August. I moved in with my aunt and family, freeing me of years of chores at the expense of anything resembling a life. She and Grandpa moved into a senior apartment. She was married three times (that I'm aware of).

Sharleen Resor (Horrocks) (Bodily)
November 9, 1949 - June 29, 2018

I am deeply sorry for your loss. :-[

Wait, how are you in your 30's and yet had a grandma who wasn't yet 70 when she died?

So sorry for your loss

Please accept my condolences.


Cat

Please accept my condolences.


Cat

Mine too.



Wait, how are you in your 30's and yet had a grandma who wasn't yet 70 when she died?

Perhaps the grandmother was a teen mother, and/or her kid was a teen parent.

I'm sorry for your loss. :\'(

Wait, how are you in your 30's and yet had a grandma who wasn't yet 70 when she died?


It's a long story, but my mother was 17 1/2 when she had me. She'll be 50 in July. She still lives in Oklahoma.

These things do happen. We've never been the most conventional family.

And thank you all for your condolences and well wishes. Death is never easy, especially when the relationship had its ups and downs. I have my good memories and my bad. I'm doing better today. I know she meant well and that she loved me. I was very special to her, and she appreciated all the hard work I did and all the sacrifice I had to deal with.

Almost a week later, and I find out that our/their chihuahua, Chico, became sick and depressed after Grandma died. Grandpa took him to put him to sleep. It would have cost a fortune to do anything for him. And this being almost a year after our Lhasa Apso, Ginger, was put to sleep at age 15. Nobody was ever able to figure out how old Chico was. His original (?) owner died and he eventually became ours (theirs when we all moved). Grandpa still has white-with-bovine-spots chihuahua Missy and white Persian (?) cat Tiffany.

Meanwhile, we (me, aunt & family) still have the four remaining cats, plus their two cats.

Chico was so cute and I'm gonna miss him.

That being said, I'm not moping. We're all in good spirits and we all had a fun Fourth. I've had Double Dare and other game shows to keep me happy.

^ Seems like you're going through some rough times, Chris. Sorry to hear of your grandparents' dog dying too. :\'(

Hang in there buddy, you'll get through it.

Almost a week later, and I find out that our/their chihuahua, Chico, became sick and depressed after Grandma died. Grandpa took him to put him to sleep. It would have cost a fortune to do anything for him. And this being almost a year after our Lhasa Apso, Ginger, was put to sleep at age 15. Nobody was ever able to figure out how old Chico was. His original (?) owner died and he eventually became ours (theirs when we all moved). Grandpa still has white-with-bovine-spots chihuahua Missy and white Persian (?) cat Tiffany.

Meanwhile, we (me, aunt & family) still have the four remaining cats, plus their two cats.

Chico was so cute and I'm gonna miss him.

That being said, I'm not moping. We're all in good spirits and we all had a fun Fourth. I've had Double Dare and other game shows to keep me happy.


Sorry to hear that, hope things look up for you. :)

The memorial was today. Pretty good, not too somber. She was cremated about a week ago.

Last week (Friday the 13th) I went over to the apartment (my first time there since she died) to pick up some things before they ended up getting sold:

Some books of mine (Couldn't find them; a bunch of stuff got lost in the move.)
Some books of hers I wanted to keep (I couldn't find The Amityville Horror, but I found the other one. I also found Misery. Never read Stephen King before. Always wanted to.)
Some movies of mine she wanted to keep when we moved (Titanic Blu-ray, My Cousin Vinny DVD, Aladdin DVD, and The Lion King DVD)
Some movies I wanted to keep (The Disney Vault doesn't make moving easy, so I had wanted to keep The Little Mermaid Blu-ray when we moved, but Grandma asked if she could keep it; very important movie to me; first movie I ever saw. I really cleaned house. She had better taste in movies than I thought, lol.)
About half her record collection (I had been wanting to get into vinyl since 2016 anyway. She didn't have much taste in music, but damn, she had a lot of records. I ended up with far more than I thought I would. I'm definitely gonna need sleeves. Pretty much all the 45s are naked. Some of the LPs didn't have covers, and some of the covers didn't have LPs. I can't do anything until I get her stereo, so I don't know how playable they are. One of my high school teachers gave me In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida on LP; I played it on the stereo last year before the move, and, despite a few skips, it's in surprisingly good condition for a 50-year-old record. All of these are original pressings, by the way. Pure analog. I kept whatever rock, pop, Mancini, Christmas and novelty records she had)

I also picked up most of her TV show DVDs (I think the only one I didn't take was Friends because I've never really watched it.) and some of her CDs.

Anyway, that week, Grandpa told me that he also had to put Missy down. So now, it's just him and Tiffany. He's moving to a smaller studio apartment within the same complex. He's selling off/getting rid of a lot of his entertainment, but I trust he's gonna keep at least one of the TVs. Who knows?

It's been so crazy lately, and the memorial was a bit cathartic for me, considering my bad memories and what she ended up putting me through. I thought I'd never bury the ghosts (pardon the pun). I feel so free now. I've felt free ever since The Great Move of 2017.

I am so sorry http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

I am sorry for your loss/losses. Parting is never easy. :(


(Sorry that I didn't reply any sooner - only read it just now. I'm not around as often as I used to be.)

I didn't realize the date, and then boom. It has now officially been one year since she died.

I only touched on it lightly, but she was very controlling and emotionally abusive. Sometimes verbally. Sometimes physical, especially if you count spanking (which I do). She would never let me grow my hair "long." (She had a totally different definition of "long" than I do. "Long," to her, was probably Trump or longer. To me, hair isn't long unless it's at least Kurt Cobain long.) She HATED guys with long hair. She was very conservative about hair and forced me to get haircuts. She'd kill me if she saw what I look like now. :D

Even when she "mellowed" out in her later years, it still wasn't enough. She's still have a crazed hissy-fit, sometimes about the most trivial things.  She was a "helicopter parent" to the end. She talked down to me a lot. "I'm not (age) mentally." She was actually impressed any time I proved her wrong.

There's a word for people like her. I know the word. You know it. I still have memories and flashbacks, but I can't say I miss her.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317458.php

There's things she couldn't help, but there's a lot she brought upon herself. But I've largely moved on, and so has Grandpa, who should be commended to putting up with her for the last 15.9 - 16ish years of her life. He's happier than he's been in years, and so am I. I've always been a happy person in general, but I'm even more so now. This is probably the most change that's happened to me since the Big Divorce and Move of 1994.

Grandpa has/has had a girlfriend, he still lives in the smaller apartment, he has a smaller TV than the big plasma we had, he unplugged the Blu-ray player because I took the lion's share of DVDs and Blu-rays when Grandma died. He's retired from driving, but got to keep his SiriusXM, which he has a little home radio for. He's been taking the bus. He's very active and rarely stays home. And Mom -- almost to the day -- just moved in with us yesterday.

It's a shame my relationship with Grandma was so difficult. But c'est la vie.

Worth a read: https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/after-abuse/recovery-after-a-controlling-relationship