Since I just revealed myself to be trans in the SJW backlash thread, I decided to give a more formal coming out speech here.  I honestly would have come out far sooner, but my lifelong struggle with gender is still a major insecurity of mine that I don't feel comfortable shedding much light to.  A lot of people still bear prejudices against transgenders in general and unfairly stereotype them as messed up freaks when there's far more to the community than meets the eye.  I didn't want anybody to imagine me in the wrong way, so I revealed only that I was female and gay, since I identify as a feminine lesbian woman first and don't want this other detail to skewer how people imagine me.  I hope all of this doesn't come off as too much of an appalling revelation, and that it doesn't drastically affect who I come off as ere, but bchris02's statement about Caitlyn Jenner coming out being a negative turning point for popular culture got me really thinking.  I don't want to be compared to Caitlyn Jenner because I want to be identified for my passions and how I see myself, rather than be typecast into a preconcepted image that doesn't accurately represent me.  I'm sorry for holding all of this in for so long, but at the same time, I feel I should at least be open about my backstory so that some of my posts here make more sense.

Don't forget, Bruce is associated with the Kardashians. Part of the backlash against him is because since he's with the Kardashians, his coming out is seen as a bid for lots of attention, rather than standing up for social justice, or some type of selfless deed.

Don't forget, Bruce is associated with the Kardashians. Part of the backlash against him is because since he's with the Kardashians, his coming out is seen as a bid for lots of attention, rather than standing up for social justice, or some type of selfless deed.


I absolutely agree with that, I myself have become incredibly sick of the Kardashian/Jenner family and consider Caitlyn Jenner the wrong person to be the face of the transgender community for the reasons you said.  I've just been feeling insecure about societal attitudes towards the LGBT community and transgenders in general, especially with the recent failure of Proposition 1 in Houston, courtesy of a virulently transphobic cartoon campaign that portrayed transgendered women as sexual predators (the biggest offense to me personally, considering my incredibly unfortunate history in trying to find love).

Laverne Cox is a much better role model than Caitlyn Jenner

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you did so because you wanted to and not because you felt some pressure to do so.

I have a friend who is transgender and she identifies as you do (lesbian female)

I'm not gonna say I fully understand all the nuances of living in your skin but I applaud your strength and courage to live your true self and I hate that there is so much hatred directed to transgendered about this subject particularly is this day and age.

We should be over racism by now but the Neanderthals refuse to let it die.  :-\\

Laverne Cox is a much better role model than Caitlyn Jenner

My personal role model as a transgendered lipstick lesbian is actually the woman in my avatar because even though her background is different, it parallels my experience the most, more so in fact than LaVerne Cox.  Like Mariah Carey, I have grown up split between both privilege (I'm white, from a wealthy family, and pass really well as a woman in public), as well as minority status (since I'm a transgendered lesbian who doesn't fit the typical mold of either minority), which basically isolated me from both social groups (Carey never fit in with whites or blacks due to her being biracial) and forced me to excel in for my own passions (in Carey's case, singing; in mine, theatre and music) as opposed to through mass communities.  I know Mariah Carey has a notorious diva reputation, but she also has a very vulnerable and sensitive side as well, so I see a lot of myself in many of her struggles.

My personal role model as a transgendered lipstick lesbian is actually the woman in my avatar because even though her background is different, it parallels my experience the most, more so in fact than LaVerne Cox.  Like Mariah Carey, I have grown up split between both privilege (I'm white, from a wealthy family, and pass really well as a woman in public), as well as minority status (since I'm a transgendered lesbian who doesn't fit the typical mold of either minority), which basically isolated me from both social groups (Carey never fit in with whites or blacks due to her being biracial) and forced me to excel in for my own passions (in Carey's case, singing; in mine, theatre and music) as opposed to through mass communities.  I know Mariah Carey has a notorious diva reputation, but she also has a very vulnerable and sensitive side as well, so I see a lot of myself in many of her struggles.



Thank you.  For validating something I've been trying to say to my friend for years.

My friend is a little (ok a lot) hypersensitive.  She grew up a white male also of some privilege  and when she transitioned she garnered a lot of negative attraction.  I wish there were a kind way to say it but she is incapable of passing in public. She is my friend but as a male she was awkward and as a female she is even more so. It is unfortunate and I wish she did have a more feminine physique so her outsides matches her insides but she does not.

Anyway...I have had many conversations with her and in an attempt to find a correlation to her day to day experience I compared trans to the black struggle

It was the wrong thing to say to her apparently she gets very offended when I do so..like Mariah I am light skinned black woman. Too dark to be white too light to be black so my experience has always been one of finding my place in this world.

Your comment let me know in my attempts to comprehend her on a level I could relate to wasn't completely out of line. At least I hope it wasn't it's never my intention to offend I was just trying to relate and I think I'm parallels and analogies

Hope that makes sense.

Btw I just meant that looking for a successful transgender role models he world
Would do better looking at Laverne cox over Caitlyn Jenner...lol but to be fair the only famous transgender names I know without doing a Google search are LC CJ and that one Arquette sibling.

Thank you.  For validating something I've been trying to say to my friend for years.

My friend is a little (ok a lot) hypersensitive.  She grew up a white male also of some privilege  and when she transitioned she garnered a lot of negative attraction.  I wish there were a kind way to say it but she is incapable of passing in public. She is my friend but as a male she was awkward and as a female she is even more so. It is unfortunate and I wish she did have a more feminine physique so her outsides matches her insides but she does not.

Anyway...I have had many conversations with her and in an attempt to find a correlation to her day to day experience I compared trans to the black struggle

It was the wrong thing to say to her apparently she gets very offended when I do so..like Mariah I am light skinned black woman. Too dark to be white too light to be black so my experience has always been one of finding my place in this world.

Your comment let me know in my attempts to comprehend her on a level I could relate to wasn't completely out of line. At least I hope it wasn't it's never my intention to offend I was just trying to relate and I think I'm parallels and analogies

Hope that makes sense.

Btw I just meant that looking for a successful transgender role models he world
Would do better looking at Laverne cox over Caitlyn Jenner...lol but to be fair the only famous transgender names I know without doing a Google search are LC CJ and that one Arquette sibling.


Interesting, Snoz. She must be very sensitive due to her past experiences with being in public (both as male and female). Also, the criticism must leave her a bit emotionally scarred. I just can't relate, not at all. Although I am gay, I have no desire to be a woman. Plus, I'm masculine enough to pass as a male.

Would do better looking at Laverne cox over Caitlyn Jenner...lol but to be fair the only famous transgender names I know without doing a Google search are LC CJ and that one Arquette sibling.

I don't know of many either but that one you mentioned is Alexis Arquette. She's always been open about it which is awesome. Snoz and Infinity, I'm not mixed race nor am I transgenger so I can't know how it feels to be in you girls' shoes. But I will say I understand being judged. Ive mentioned before how I'm goth. Also how I'm not religious at all. Even my own family has been against me. And going further back, in my childhood I was always overweight so I would get made fun of. So while it may not be comparable I know the feeling of being discriminated. It is ridiculous how rude people are. And how racism and sexism are still present to this day. I do agree that a Jenner/Kardasian is not someone to look up to. She's using her own self to get more fame. Its really sad.

I have always said that I don't care WHAT you are. It is a matter of WHO you are.


I am going to be honest here: I really hate it when a guy looks better in a dress than I do-and there are many out there who do.  :-[  I also hate it when other women look better than me, too. But, that is my vanity.


Cat

Interesting, Snoz. She must be very sensitive due to her past experiences with being in public (both as male and female). Also, the criticism must leave her a bit emotionally scarred. I just can't relate, not at all. Although I am gay, I have no desire to be a woman. Plus, I'm masculine enough to pass as a male.


I haven't actually been ridiculed in public the way other transgendered women have, but I've still struggled with never being certain if I'm truly "feminine" enough, not to mention it has felt like such a curveball when it comes to using dating sites.  It's these little feelings of isolation, not necessarily the hateful incidents, which affect my self-confidence to this day.  I wasn't even that hurt when somebody wrote a mean-spirited message to me here before because it just proved their own insecurities as opposed to anything wrong with me, but as for the several times this year I've run out of luck with women who I met and thought I may become closer to, the devastation is far harder to me than it is for most.

I haven't actually been ridiculed in public the way other transgendered women have, but I've still struggled with never being certain if I'm truly "feminine" enough, not to mention it has felt like such a curveball when it comes to using dating sites.  It's these little feelings of isolation, not necessarily the hateful incidents, which affect my self-confidence to this day.  I wasn't even that hurt when somebody wrote a mean-spirited message to me here before because it just proved their own insecurities as opposed to anything wrong with me, but as for the several times this year I've run out of luck with women who I met and thought I may become closer to, the devastation is far harder to me than it is for most.



I really can't give you any words of wisdom because I have never been in your situation.

I have found this:  http://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources

It gives you a list of different organizations and such that can help you with specific problems you are experiencing.


As for being "feminine enough," you are who you are. I have seen very masculine women and many feminine men-and that didn't necessarily identified their sexual orientation. Everyone has both masculinity & femininity in them. I know it is easier said than done but, try not worry about it. Just be who you are.



Cat 

I haven't actually been ridiculed in public the way other transgendered women have, but I've still struggled with never being certain if I'm truly "feminine" enough, not to mention it has felt like such a curveball when it comes to using dating sites.  It's these little feelings of isolation, not necessarily the hateful incidents, which affect my self-confidence to this day.  I wasn't even that hurt when somebody wrote a mean-spirited message to me here before because it just proved their own insecurities as opposed to anything wrong with me, but as for the several times this year I've run out of luck with women who I met and thought I may become closer to, the devastation is far harder to me than it is for most.


Good luck.  :)

My personal role model as a transgendered lipstick lesbian is actually the woman in my avatar because even though her background is different, it parallels my experience the most, more so in fact than LaVerne Cox.  Like Mariah Carey, I have grown up split between both privilege (I'm white, from a wealthy family, and pass really well as a woman in public), as well as minority status (since I'm a transgendered lesbian who doesn't fit the typical mold of either minority), which basically isolated me from both social groups (Carey never fit in with whites or blacks due to her being biracial) and forced me to excel in for my own passions (in Carey's case, singing; in mine, theatre and music) as opposed to through mass communities.  I know Mariah Carey has a notorious diva reputation, but she also has a very vulnerable and sensitive side as well, so I see a lot of myself in many of her struggles.
Personally, I have experienced being coddled half of the time and being mistreated half of the time and being confused by the mixed signals.

I feel I should at least be open about my backstory so that some of my posts here make more sense.


I'm with the people who are laughing at Caitlyn not because she's trans, but because she's gone full Kardashian.  Trans people are cool; it's people who run people over with their cars and use their fame to get away with it that freak me out.

Since I just revealed myself to be trans in the SJW backlash thread, I decided to give a more formal coming out speech here.  I honestly would have come out far sooner, but my lifelong struggle with gender is still a major insecurity of mine that I don't feel comfortable shedding much light to.  A lot of people still bear prejudices against transgenders in general and unfairly stereotype them as messed up freaks when there's far more to the community than meets the eye.  I didn't want anybody to imagine me in the wrong way, so I revealed only that I was female and gay, since I identify as a feminine lesbian woman first and don't want this other detail to skewer how people imagine me.  I hope all of this doesn't come off as too much of an appalling revelation, and that it doesn't drastically affect who I come off as ere, but bchris02's statement about Caitlyn Jenner coming out being a negative turning point for popular culture got me really thinking.  I don't want to be compared to Caitlyn Jenner because I want to be identified for my passions and how I see myself, rather than be typecast into a preconcepted image that doesn't accurately represent me.  I'm sorry for holding all of this in for so long, but at the same time, I feel I should at least be open about my backstory so that some of my posts here make more sense.

I don't know of many either but that one you mentioned is Alexis Arquette. She's always been open about it which is awesome. Snoz and Infinity, I'm not mixed race nor am I transgenger so I can't know how it feels to be in you girls' shoes. But I will say I understand being judged. Ive mentioned before how I'm goth. Also how I'm not religious at all. Even my own family has been against me. And going further back, in my childhood I was always overweight so I would get made fun of. So while it may not be comparable I know the feeling of being discriminated. It is ridiculous how rude people are. And how racism and sexism are still present to this day. I do agree that a Jenner/Kardasian is not someone to look up to. She's using her own self to get more fame. Its really sad.

As a straight black man, I applaud you Infinity for your backstory; continue to be yourself and live your life to the fullest. What made you decide to come out about this?

Also Ripley; As a christian, I respect your decision on religion. Even though I recommend you to accept Jesus as your lord and savior to have eternal life after death; your life choices are all in your hands and don't let anyone even your own family take that away from you.

BTW, Infinity I do not mean to be rude, but were you born a male and became female or were you born female and became a male? Either way, you're still a friend to me on these blogs no matter WHAT! :) 

As a straight black man, I applaud you Infinity for your backstory; continue to be yourself and live your life to the fullest. What made you decide to come out about this?

Firstly, I've posted on this board long enough that it feels like a second home to me.  Secondly, opening up puts a lot of what I write into a clearer context.  For one, it explains my sensitivity to love, as well as why I would openly attempt to flirt with other girls in grade school, as such a thing was not at all straightforward for gay or lesbian students to do in the 2000s or even early 2010s.  Yes, I was born male before transitioning to become female, so this did a lot to shape my current worldview, personality, and interests.

Additionally, before I posted this, I was reluctant to talk about several important things that I grew up with as a kid, such as my Thomas the Tank Engine and Fisher Price Pirates toys, because it's completely out of the norm for a little girl to be playing with these things instead of girly toys like barbie dolls, especially in the mid-90s.  I have a younger sister, so I was always exposed to stuff targeted towards girls growing up, but due to how much gender-normative culture made me internalized the idea that "boy stuff = good, girl stuff = bad," I would basically never even allow myself to play with or admit to liking them.  As a very young kid, my biggest tv idols were Kathy from Barney and D.W. from Arthur (I never fully identified with the male characters in the same way), we had a board game at home called Pretty Pretty Princess that I distinctly remember loving, my favorite Pokémon were (and still are) Jigglypuff and Clefairy by a mile (I also liked Marill), and one of my favorite educational tools that I played (and there were several) was Fisher Price Dream Dollhouse, even though I didn't play with it that much due to stated reasons.  This childhood bias actually caused me to utterly abhor myself for liking the Powerpuff Girls, since the show's merchandise was specifically targeted towards girls and I didn't want to be teased.  You had to keep "Powerpuff Stuff" (as the commercials dubbed them) out of my sight, or else I would start to get really anxious.

Once I started to enter puberty, however, I quickly began to reevaluate my identity.  I first started to become attracted to other girls in the spring of 2004, and most likely because of this, my old prejudice against girliness started to quickly collapse, unleashing the solidly female identity of mine that I had pent-up for so many years and only now just clarified.  Simultaneously, I was growing more and more disillusioned by all of the hyper-masculine video games that my male peers were getting into, as well as their increasingly rough demeanors.  Thus, all of a sudden, just as I was making the critical transition from elementary to middle school, my life was now wrought with severe instability.  It didn't help, either, that I tried to act upon two different crushes in 2004 (the first at the end of elementary school, the second at the beginning of middle school), both resulting in complete disaster and forcing me to be confronted over the matter.  I wanted to dress up as Numbuh 3 for the coming Halloween, but did not have the courage, nor the backing from my parents to go through with it, so I ended up wearing a homemade Numbuh 4 costume instead.  For a while, it was incredibly hard for me to deal with being transgendered at all, so I basically denied it most of middle school.  I became more vociferous about it to my parents about it right before I began high school, and while they continued to forbid me from transitioning at all or even receive therapy for it, they at least began allowing me to own female clothing to wear at home, starting in 9th grade and gradually expanding as high school continued.  Though I had an online gender-fluid scenester friend from early 2009 through my freshman year of college to whom I chatted about my dreams of becoming a woman someday (in retrospect, this was a godsend to my high school experience), it wasn't until right after my high school crush blocked me on Facebook a month after I entered college that I finally began to open up about my gender identity and discuss it more in-depth.