Hey Y'all, I have a really major problem on my hands and I need advice on what to do about it.
Now before I get into this, let me say I have absolutely no problem with interracial dating or interracial couples. If the person that makes someone happy just happens to be a different color, that's fine by me, I don't mind. It's their choice.
That being said, here is my problem.
My best friend Stacie is stuck in a conundrum like I've never seen and I have absolutely no idea how to help her. Six years ago, she met this man online and moved from Texas to Mississippi to be with him. Stacie is half Black and half White, and Phi, the man, is Vietnamese. Now I'm sure years ago, I expressed concern about her picking up and going off to a state she'd never been before with no one else there that she knew. But she was a  grown woman and I can't tell her what to do.
Over the 6 years, Stacie lived with Phi and his family, was around them and even worked in one the restaurants his family owns. In the process, Stacie had a child, who is my godson. Stacie was with Phi so long, all of us assumed that they would eventually marry and she'd always be in Mississippi.
And then, earlier this year, Phi broke up with Stacie.
And now everything has pretty much gone to hell from what I can see. Stacie is there, alone without another familiar face (ie, one that looks like her) and after speaking on the phone with her last night, it's clear that these people are being racist to her. They're turning on her, calling her a bad mother about her son. Her son is TWO. Two year olds run around and bang into things. That's natural. Believe me, Stacie is an excellent mother to her son. Everything she does is for that child. She is out of work because she got fired from the restaurant after the breakup but she is looking for work. My main worry is, it seems Phi is a deadbeat dad and doesn't seem to care about his son, and the rest of his family seem to be to be trying to provoke Stacie, always bothering her calling her names saying snide sheesh to her, saying she was a "bad influence" on Phi's little sisters, all kinds of crap that just isn't true.
And my main concern is for her safety. With so much racially motivated bullsheesh happening in the world today, it scares me. I mean Stacie is the only "black" person in a house with five other Asian people and I know if anything happens, they will stick together and Stacie is alone. Her people are here in Texas. Her mom literally lives behind me in the apartment complex behind my house. I'm here in Texas, I can't help her. Anything can happen out there. I've told her multiple times she should come home to Texas. Bring her son and come HOME. Stacie does not seem to want to come home because she doesn't get along well with her family. I offered her to stay with me, she wants to do it on her own and i respect that, but I don't think she is safe where she is at the moment.
And the point that's killing me is that as this is going on, Stacie, who will be homeless atthe end of the year when everyone moves out the current house if she doesn't find work or come home, is planning and saving up to go to Japan to run after some Japanese guy she met online. And I am REALLY concerned, because literally if sheesh happens in MS, I'm a bus ride away. If something happens in Japan to this girl...she's on her own. And she plans to go to Japan ALONE which none of us can understand. I won't even go to Houston alone, not another non-English speaking country.
I mean I don't care that her preference is for the Asian men, but Jesus it seems she keeps putting herself in precarious situations. And she was literally telling me "Tiff, get a Japanese guy" (in my head I was like, I like the Black ones!!!) as the world is crumbling around her. And I don't know what to do, because she's literally the only friend I have in a situation like this. I have other friends who are in relationships,but it's with like kind. (A set of our friends are twins and biracial like Stacie, but both of their boyfriends are biracial like them.)
I know its a sensitive subject matter, race matters always are and I don't know what to do for her or tell her because I've never experienced anything like that. I wouldn't place myself in a situation like that. My preference is Black men or men who are at least partially Black so we have that common ground. Stacie is with a radically different culture right now and I just want her and her son to be safe. I love them. Help me!

I apologize if this is very long, I just had to try to express myself on this. It's been eating me up for WEEKS!

First of all, this is not an interracial issue-this is a relationship issue. People are attractive to certain types. That is not the problem.

What is the problem that I can see is that your friend seems to be making poor choices. Running off to Mississippi to be with a guy she met on the internet and now it seems like she is going to do the same thing with the guy in Japan. Unfortunately, there isn't a single thing you can do about it. It is her life. You can TRY to talk sense into her but if she is unwilling to see reason, there really isn't anything you can do.



Cat

First of all, this is not an interracial issue-this is a relationship issue. People are attractive to certain types. That is not the problem.





THIS!




What is the problem that I can see is that your friend seems to be making poor choices.



And THIS!!




Running off to Mississippi to be with a guy she met on the internet and now it seems like she is going to do the same thing with the guy in Japan. Unfortunately, there isn't a single thing you can do about it. It is her life. You can TRY to talk sense into her but if she is unwilling to see reason, there really isn't anything you can do.





And THIS!!!!

I'm a little confused about one thing... if he broke up with her why is she still living in the home?



If he is not taking care of his paternal responsibilities has she sought assistance from some government agency that helps get money out of deadbeat dads...although if she's living off the family I guess the kid is technically being cared for...

If she goes off to Japan what is going to happen to the 2 yr old... child I mean I'm no lawyer but I think if she takes the child out of the county and denies dad access to the kid she could be charged with kidnapping...though if he doesn't care about the kid then I guess that might not happen.



I think you answered  your own question when you talked about her decision to move to another state to be with Phi... she is a grown woman and has to make her own decisions/mistakes... even whatever she decides to do now impacts not only herself but her child she still has to do what she is going to do and live with the consequences.




Also... and I don't mean this as harsh as it probably will sound but I do say just to give you a little perspective....  you have an irrational and unhealthy fear of the unknown.  I am happy you took the risk and went to FL with Ebonie I know that was probably really stressful for you but you did it and survived and, presumably, had a pretty good time. 


however, you still seem to have these fears and you keep attributing them to decisions you think others should make:





I expressed concern about her picking up and going off to a state she'd never been before with no one else there that she knew.
And my main concern is for her safety. With so much racially motivated bullsheesh happening in the world today, it scares me.
Anything can happen out there.
I don't think she is safe where she is at the moment.
And she plans to go to Japan ALONE which none of us can understand. I won't even go to Houston alone, not another non-English speaking country.
I wouldn't place myself in a situation like that.
Stacie is with a radically different culture right now and I just want her and her son to be safe.



your fears should not be used to decide what others do.... most people don't live in constant fear of the world around them so it's easier for them to go out and experience life on a level that's very different from the way you experience it...







And I will say one more thing and then I will be done... in re-reading your post two things struck me that I can't let go...



Hey Y'all, I have a really major problem on my hands and I need advice on what to do about it.


It's admirable that you care for your friend so much but this is not your problem it is hers...



I offered her to stay with me, she wants to do it on her own

you offered help and she said no... your job is done all you can do from here is just listen to her when she calls you and be supportive but you can't live this life for her and she will never live it the way you would...

Well, I'll just leave it alone, then and pray for the best.

But please don't fault me for being overly cautious. In a world where people at bible study can be gunned down in a church house, I think it's a wise decision to be caution and aware of one's surroundings. My being careful has kept me alive and out of trouble all this time. My parents instilled that in me from an early age. And yes, the trip to Florida was extremely stressful to me, I'm still recovering physically from it. I don't know if I'll ever have another vacation, but I know if I do, I'm doing it ALONE.

And I just wish Stacie didn't make such poor choices. She is an intelligent woman, just, I don't know what it is with her and guys. Maybe she loves too hard or something. I pray if I ever get another guy, which I doubt, I'm not mushy like that and can keep a solid head on my shoulders.
And I just said what I thought she would do, as a comparison of what I would have done. We all know I'd never go meet a man I met on the internet. People get killed meeting strangers that way, but conversely, I wouldn't be marooned with a baby and no way out either. I just want the best for her, you know. She's like a sister to me. That's all.

And as far as this "irrational" fear, what should I do to overcome it? I feel I do enough. I get out and go to the grocery store and pay bills and walk to a local restaurant a few times a week and I go to the movies once a month. Am I supposed to do more?

Well, I'll just leave it alone, then and pray for the best.

But please don't fault me for being overly cautious. In a world where people at bible study can be gunned down in a church house, I think it's a wise decision to be caution and aware of one's surroundings. My being careful has kept me alive and out of trouble all this time. My parents instilled that in me from an early age. And yes, the trip to Florida was extremely stressful to me, I'm still recovering physically from it. I don't know if I'll ever have another vacation, but I know if I do, I'm doing it ALONE.




It's always good to be aware of your surroundings... it's unhealthy to let that fear rule your life... you are more likely to slip in your bathtub than get shot. 

It happened but that doesn't mean it will  to happen to you.  there's something like 318.9 billion people in the world... of that 318.9 billion 9 died... it's tragic, it's sad it doesn't mean stay inside and never leave the house... it doesn't mean don't go to a state you've never visited before... it doesn't mean don't go visit a new country...




And I just wish Stacie didn't make such poor choices.



no kidding... I think we all have friends like this that we want to help but they just have to learn the hard way.. it hurts watching them go thru it but it is what it is...






She is an intelligent woman, just, I don't know what it is with her and guys. Maybe she loves too hard or something. I pray if I ever get another guy, which I doubt, I'm not mushy like that and can keep a solid head on my shoulders.
And I just said what I thought she would do, as a comparison of what I would have done. We all know I'd never go meet a man I met on the internet. People get killed meeting strangers that way, but conversely, I wouldn't be marooned with a baby and no way out either. I just want the best for her, you know. She's like a sister to me. That's all.



Stacie may be intelligent but if she has low self esteem then all the intelligence in the world isn't going to help her find the right guy... unfortunately women fall for guys for all kinds of reasons... a lot of the times relationships work... a lot of times they don't....  I  don't know anything about Stacie so I can't say why she falls for the wrong guy but it has nothing to do with his being  Asian...  yeah there may be cultural differences  but more than likely they just see things differently.  There are two sides to every story... you only see Stacie's side because she is your friend.  I tend to look at both sides and when I don't know the other side I try to see if I can see things from what their side potentially may be...

My best guess (with the limited information you gave) is she moved from Texas to be with the boyfriend and after 6 yrs she is still living in their house and working in their restaurant...so they may see her as 'using' him.. I'm not saying she did I'm just saying to them  it could feel that way... especially after she got dumped by him and fired from her job and yet she is still living in their house... they probably want her to move out but don't know how to say it so they are mean to her hoping it will be so unbearable that she will move on...  :-\\





And as far as this "irrational" fear, what should I do to overcome it? I feel I do enough. I get out and go to the grocery store and pay bills and walk to a local restaurant a few times a week and I go to the movies once a month. Am I supposed to do more?


unfortunately I don't know that you ever will overcome it... I don't know what you can do to try... going to FL was a good step but your anxiety showed in all your posts before you ever left Texas. 

It's not about going out and doing what is familiar....  I mean I know you are not agoraphobic.

If you went back and read your posts you might see it...  over the years you've expressed on many occassions your fear of traveling. When you were talking about the trip to FL you were afraid to leave your house unoccupied. you even made comments (I'm sorry I don't remember the exact context) but it was something like if MJ himself were there to meet you you wouldn't go because  of something you were afraid of...) 

anyway... as I said I don't know if you will ever get over your fears but you just because you won't do something doesn't mean someone else shouldn't do it.

But please don't fault me for being overly cautious. In a world where people at bible study can be gunned down in a church house,


http://blogs.denverpost.com/thespot/2015/06/18/after-south-carolina-this-white-man-sen-mike-johnston-writes-a-letter-to-a-black-denver-church/121286/


And as far as this "irrational" fear, what should I do to overcome it? I feel I do enough. I get out and go to the grocery store and pay bills and walk to a local restaurant a few times a week and I go to the movies once a month. Am I supposed to do more?


I'm not a mental health professional, and this is not medical advice.  I'm just a blue-skinned pony on the internet; anybody who takes me seriously has way bigger mental issues than anyone here!  But it sounds like you're starting to do it right. (and by "do it right", I mean implement something akin to a self-directed approach to cognitive behavioral therapy even if you don't have access to a therapist.) 

Did anything that bad happen to you on the trip to Disneyworld?  You went there, you saw some cool stuff, you came back home, and you were safe.  So I'm betting the answer is that "no, no it really didn't."  So I'd suggest you keep doing stuff like that.  Not every week, because it costs a fortune compared to cooking your own food.  But keep going out to the grocery store.  Keep paying the bills.  Go out to eat - with a friend, or even (gasp! the horror!) go to a restaurant alone - and if what you keep doing ever starts to feel routine, try the next thing that doesn't feel like the usual routine.  You may not believe it yet, but you'll be fine. 

Go out to eat - with a friend, or even (gasp! the horror!) go to a restaurant alone - and if what you keep doing ever starts to feel routine, try the next thing that doesn't feel like the usual routine.  You may not believe it yet, but you'll be fine.



This is great advice. Take little adventures. Do things a little outside your comfort zone and retrain your brain's approach to new experiences.

I don't know but for one thing why does she has to meet a guy in Japan or even in Mississippi? Aren't there plenty of Asians Guys(if that's what she likes) in her state like in cities like in Houston or Dallas if she moved back to Texas? I don't have a problem with interracial or inter-ethnic dating yes I have talked to 2 black women and 1 bi-racial women online as far as dating web-sites over the years just to set the record straight.

I hope Staci finds a job in Mississippi so she could support herself or goes back to Texas for her sake. Has she even seen his guy from Japan on webcam? The guy from Japan maybe is not who he seems. A person could say something online but when you finally meet that person they may look or be something different than you thought that they said they were. . You ever see "Catfish: The TV Show" on MTV? Catch my drift?

My opinion is it sounds like Staci is too quick is to get into a relationship. She should take her time dating wise. Just don't rush to be committed to one guy. If she wants to date one guy at a time fine but don't rush into anything. If she wants to be with this guy from Japan at least spend time with him one-on-one like good old fashioned dating. Get to know each other if who he says he is checks out.....  Maybe she can go to Japan and see him than he can come to TX or MS to see her. Something like that....

Maybe I am too harsh on this guy from Japan just questioning if he says who he is is actually who he is.

I don't know but for one thing why does she has to meet a guy in Japan or even in Mississippi? Aren't there plenty of Asians Guys(if that's what she likes) in her state like in cities like in Houston or Dallas if she moved back to Texas? I don't have a problem with interracial or inter-ethnic dating yes I have talked to 2 black women and 1 bi-racial women online as far as dating web-sites over the years just to set the record straight.

I hope Staci finds a job in Mississippi so she could support herself or goes back to Texas for her sake. Has she even seen his guy from Japan on webcam? The guy from Japan maybe is not who he seems. A person could say something online but when you finally meet that person they may look or be something different than you thought that they said they were. . You ever see "Catfish: The TV Show" on MTV? Catch my drift?

My opinion is it sounds like Staci is too quick is to get into a relationship. She should take her time dating wise. Just don't rush to be committed to one guy. If she wants to date one guy at a time fine but don't rush into anything. If she wants to be with this guy from Japan at least spend time with him one-on-one like good old fashioned dating. Get to know each other if who he says he is checks out.....  Maybe she can go to Japan and see him than he can come to TX or MS to see her. Something like that....

Maybe I am too harsh on this guy from Japan just questioning if he says who he is is actually who he is.



And how is she supposed to tell Stacie how to live her life? It's stacie's life/mistake to make.  All tiff can do is express concern (which she's done) and then be supportive of it all goes to shyt.

The first relationship did last 6 yrs. not sure what the relationship was like but it did last 6 yrs (and resulted in a child) that's pretty substantial.

And how is she supposed to tell Stacie how to live her life? It's stacie's life/mistake to make.  All tiff can do is express concern (which she's done) and then be supportive of it all goes to shyt.

The first relationship did last 6 yrs. not sure what the relationship was like but it did last 6 yrs (and resulted in a child) that's pretty substantial.
Yeah true on the second point.

I noticed y'all expressed concern about the Japanese guy. From what I gather he's some Jpop singer (I'll leave the band unnamed) and Stacie has Skyped with the guy. (I dont skype because I don't feel like putting on makeup just to surf the web)
Now here's the thing that causes me concern as far as the Japan trip. Like when I traveled to Florida, I went with people I had known for years. Stacie is taking a leap of faith and going it alone. From what I understand, Stacie plans to go to Japan and meet up with this Japanese girl she also met online  ??? and apparently go to see this guy. Now, if I was supposedly seeing a rock star don't you think he'd kick in to bring me where he is? I know I'm not crazy. But Stacie has a plan where she's literally saving up for 2 years to go do this.  :o Again, I dunno where her son will be while she's gone. And even when Stacie goes she has not told us WHERE in Japan she will land. Tokyo, Yokohoma, Hiroshima, etc. When I left for Florida I could tell you where I was. (Orlando, Silver Lakes Resort...) It's just concerning. And yeah, y'all are right about her getting into it with guys too fast. I remember in high school I used to envy her because she always had a guy, then I opened my eyes and noticed, well hell, they're all ending quickly and badly. And in the end the guy does always treat her like hell. The guy before this, basically was starving her. He'd go get food to eat and he would share with thier roommates, but she'd get nothing. But she was in Beaumont and finally went home. Its wild. But I want to be a good friend to her. I think I'm the only one she has now. (she doesn't like Ebonie at all...) So...I'm just praying for her.

You're stuck in a rough spot, eh? You don't want to see your friend hurt, yet it's not good to force or make someone do something.       

Our friends are imperfect and like all humans, will do things unreasonably sometimes. I believe in striving for perfection as a human being, yet I can't just go around bossing people around to do what's good or right. Also, perfection is not always possible.

Hope things turn around for your friend.

If Stacie had a two year plan why does she have to know right now where she's landing?

I mean right now it's just a fantasy. She's saving money which is good.
In two years she may not talk to this Jpop guy any more and then she and her son will have money to live somewhere.

Stacie sounds like she is trying to be independent (sort of) by paying her own way. Also who knows what his finances are maybe he's famous but not rich yet maybe he made money but has it in investments or used it to pay of a debt.  Or maybe he just doesn't want to pay. Either way nothing you can do about it


As for her going to Japan and, using your trip to fl in comparison, people ravel alone across country all the time and nothing happens to them....or you have Natalie holloway who traveled with friends and never came home. The odds are still more likely that nothing will happen to her. 


As her friend all you can do is .... When she has the info-
get the flight numbers for her trip
Get the address & phone of where she will be staying
Get the name & #!of the boy
And the name & # of the online female friend
And get photos off her Instatwitterbook page of these new people and if you don't hear from her after a certain time (like she promises to post/call/text/email daily and she doesn't then you report it to the authorities


....or you both laugh at how scared u were while she was having w good time once she returns. 

Hey Y'all, I have a really major problem on my hands and I need advice on what to do about it.
Now before I get into this, let me say I have absolutely no problem with interracial dating or interracial couples. If the person that makes someone happy just happens to be a different color, that's fine by me, I don't mind. It's their choice.
That being said, here is my problem.
My best friend Stacie is stuck in a conundrum like I've never seen and I have absolutely no idea how to help her. Six years ago, she met this man online and moved from Texas to Mississippi to be with him. Stacie is half Black and half White, and Phi, the man, is Vietnamese. Now I'm sure years ago, I expressed concern about her picking up and going off to a state she'd never been before with no one else there that she knew. But she was a  grown woman and I can't tell her what to do.
Over the 6 years, Stacie lived with Phi and his family, was around them and even worked in one the restaurants his family owns. In the process, Stacie had a child, who is my godson. Stacie was with Phi so long, all of us assumed that they would eventually marry and she'd always be in Mississippi.
And then, earlier this year, Phi broke up with Stacie.
And now everything has pretty much gone to hell from what I can see. Stacie is there, alone without another familiar face (ie, one that looks like her) and after speaking on the phone with her last night, it's clear that these people are being racist to her. They're turning on her, calling her a bad mother about her son. Her son is TWO. Two year olds run around and bang into things. That's natural. Believe me, Stacie is an excellent mother to her son. Everything she does is for that child. She is out of work because she got fired from the restaurant after the breakup but she is looking for work. My main worry is, it seems Phi is a deadbeat dad and doesn't seem to care about his son, and the rest of his family seem to be to be trying to provoke Stacie, always bothering her calling her names saying snide sheesh to her, saying she was a "bad influence" on Phi's little sisters, all kinds of crap that just isn't true.
And my main concern is for her safety. With so much racially motivated bullsheesh happening in the world today, it scares me. I mean Stacie is the only "black" person in a house with five other Asian people and I know if anything happens, they will stick together and Stacie is alone. Her people are here in Texas. Her mom literally lives behind me in the apartment complex behind my house. I'm here in Texas, I can't help her. Anything can happen out there. I've told her multiple times she should come home to Texas. Bring her son and come HOME. Stacie does not seem to want to come home because she doesn't get along well with her family. I offered her to stay with me, she wants to do it on her own and i respect that, but I don't think she is safe where she is at the moment.
And the point that's killing me is that as this is going on, Stacie, who will be homeless atthe end of the year when everyone moves out the current house if she doesn't find work or come home, is planning and saving up to go to Japan to run after some Japanese guy she met online. And I am REALLY concerned, because literally if sheesh happens in MS, I'm a bus ride away. If something happens in Japan to this girl...she's on her own. And she plans to go to Japan ALONE which none of us can understand. I won't even go to Houston alone, not another non-English speaking country.
I mean I don't care that her preference is for the Asian men, but Jesus it seems she keeps putting herself in precarious situations. And she was literally telling me "Tiff, get a Japanese guy" (in my head I was like, I like the Black ones!!!) as the world is crumbling around her. And I don't know what to do, because she's literally the only friend I have in a situation like this. I have other friends who are in relationships,but it's with like kind. (A set of our friends are twins and biracial like Stacie, but both of their boyfriends are biracial like them.)
I know its a sensitive subject matter, race matters always are and I don't know what to do for her or tell her because I've never experienced anything like that. I wouldn't place myself in a situation like that. My preference is Black men or men who are at least partially Black so we have that common ground. Stacie is with a radically different culture right now and I just want her and her son to be safe. I love them. Help me!

I apologize if this is very long, I just had to try to express myself on this. It's been eating me up for WEEKS!

Do you know for sure they don't like her for being half black or if they're just crappy because that's how they are? It sounds like the latter, some families are like that. They don't like any outsiders, just eachother. Way not a good idea to move to Japan for some internet guy! I'm sure you can't just legally live there like bam, done! Japan is a very homogenous society and not fond of people who don't fit in. The language alone wouldn't be enough. There was uproar over Koreans living there some time ago. Protests got nasty. You'd be her best bet for a living situation, but it sounds like you'll have to drag her out of there. If she won't go with you, find women's centers like a YWCA or anything like that.

Well, I'm going to be a good friend and give her, her space. I can only offer my opinion. And I do think this moving to Japan is silly because frankly, that's basically how she met her current ex. Well actually, that's kind of cockeyed how that happened. Stacie met this one Vietnamese guy online and went to MS to visit him. There were not sparks like she anticipated. Her current ex, was actually this guy's friend. They DID hit it off. Stacie came back to Texas just long enough to get her sheesh and went back to the guy. She's been there all that time.

And you are right about the cultural differences in Japan. It's not a melting pot like the USA. Now we do have a friend named Gerald, although he is Black, does have friends and some roots in Japan. We keep urging her to wait until he is free--he works ALOT--so he can go with her. At least she would be safer in the company of a man. She's like no, she's hard headed and wants to do this herself. I'm sure I would be her best bet for a living situation, but to be honest, I'm not that enthusiastic about it. I'm 29 and this is the first time I've lived on my own and I like it. I can do what I want. I don't have to look after anyone but me, I can cook and eat what I want. I like my freedom. This is the first time I've had it. And I especially like the SILENCE. I'm unbothered as I watch tv and movies and try to write. It would be disrupted with a baby in the house. My friend Ebonie, who has a much larger home has also offered Stacie a place. Unfortunately, Stacie hates her like the plague. LOL. I'll just pray for her and hope she is safe. That's all I can see to do.

Well, I'm going to be a good friend and give her, her space. I can only offer my opinion. And I do think this moving to Japan is silly because frankly, that's basically how she met her current ex. Well actually, that's kind of cockeyed how that happened. Stacie met this one Vietnamese guy online and went to MS to visit him. There were not sparks like she anticipated. Her current ex, was actually this guy's friend. They DID hit it off. Stacie came back to Texas just long enough to get her sheesh and went back to the guy. She's been there all that time.

And you are right about the cultural differences in Japan. It's not a melting pot like the USA. Now we do have a friend named Gerald, although he is Black, does have friends and some roots in Japan. We keep urging her to wait until he is free--he works ALOT--so he can go with her. At least she would be safer in the company of a man. She's like no, she's hard headed and wants to do this herself. I'm sure I would be her best bet for a living situation, but to be honest, I'm not that enthusiastic about it. I'm 29 and this is the first time I've lived on my own and I like it. I can do what I want. I don't have to look after anyone but me, I can cook and eat what I want. I like my freedom. This is the first time I've had it. And I especially like the SILENCE. I'm unbothered as I watch tv and movies and try to write. It would be disrupted with a baby in the house. My friend Ebonie, who has a much larger home has also offered Stacie a place. Unfortunately, Stacie hates her like the plague. LOL. I'll just pray for her and hope she is safe. That's all I can see to do.

She needs some kind of intervention before she gets herself in an even bigger mess. I'm not saying meeting people online is inherently bad, but with this online dating stuff there's alot of people who are dishonest. If she does travel to Japan and she's not working, money will run out and eventually.

I don't blame you for not wanting a little kid in the house, I wouldn't want that either. Can she tough it out with that other friend?

Unfortunately, no she can't. She thinks Ebonie is pretentious, and frankly got even angrier when I told her about the rough time I had in Florida. Stacie has always been my friend and tolerated Ebonie because Ebonie was my friend, that's how that goes.

I've expressed my concern, numerous times, but she feels that this is what she needs to do, so I'll just pray like I said.

I don't know what's so bad about Beaumont--our hometown--that she claims she can't find a guy here. I see Asian guys all the time, hell, some run the corner store by my house three blocks away. It's a 5 minute walk to them. With the world going crazy like it is, church isn't even safe for shootings and burnings, I'm happy to stay home. I mean I could live and die in Beaumont and probably will. My mother lived in this town her whole life, and she had THREE husbands and raised me. (my father was her third husband.) Now my Daddy ricocheted between Texas and Louisiana and Germany while in the Army, but he claimed Beaumont as his home. I'm content here. I want to raise my own family here.
The thing is, Stacie will eventually run out of men. She started dating Black guys when we were in high school. She had a few jerks, and that put her off the while race, that's the truth. She dated a couple of White guys, they treated her even worse, she's off them. She hollered she doesn't want Hispanics, and that leaves the Asians behind. Now if she has a bad time with them, I don't know what she'll do. Be alone, become a lesbian and date women, I do not know. Finding a man and/or a life partner is something that takes time. Only the very lucky find Mr. Right the very first time out the gate. You have to date around to find the right one. But I think it's silly. Jerks come in every race, shape and form. I wouldn't let a couple of duds knock me out of an entire demographic. Now I do prefer Black men, but I'm not opposed to dating outside my race, if the man was nice enough and treated me well. But if we did bust up I'm not going to holler "No more Blacks or No more Whites". There's 7 billion people walking around...Mr. Right is somewhere out there. For all of us. You just gotta find him! But I don't think you have to go half the globe away to locate him!

Unfortunately, no she can't. She thinks Ebonie is pretentious, and frankly got even angrier when I told her about the rough time I had in Florida. Stacie has always been my friend and tolerated Ebonie because Ebonie was my friend, that's how that goes.

I've expressed my concern, numerous times, but she feels that this is what she needs to do, so I'll just pray like I said.

I don't know what's so bad about Beaumont--our hometown--that she claims she can't find a guy here. I see Asian guys all the time, hell, some run the corner store by my house three blocks away. It's a 5 minute walk to them. With the world going crazy like it is, church isn't even safe for shootings and burnings, I'm happy to stay home. I mean I could live and die in Beaumont and probably will. My mother lived in this town her whole life, and she had THREE husbands and raised me. (my father was her third husband.) Now my Daddy ricocheted between Texas and Louisiana and Germany while in the Army, but he claimed Beaumont as his home. I'm content here. I want to raise my own family here.
The thing is, Stacie will eventually run out of men. She started dating Black guys when we were in high school. She had a few jerks, and that put her off the while race, that's the truth. She dated a couple of White guys, they treated her even worse, she's off them. She hollered she doesn't want Hispanics, and that leaves the Asians behind. Now if she has a bad time with them, I don't know what she'll do. Be alone, become a lesbian and date women, I do not know. Finding a man and/or a life partner is something that takes time. Only the very lucky find Mr. Right the very first time out the gate. You have to date around to find the right one. But I think it's silly. Jerks come in every race, shape and form. I wouldn't let a couple of duds knock me out of an entire demographic. Now I do prefer Black men, but I'm not opposed to dating outside my race, if the man was nice enough and treated me well. But if we did bust up I'm not going to holler "No more Blacks or No more Whites". There's 7 billion people walking around...Mr. Right is somewhere out there. For all of us. You just gotta find him! But I don't think you have to go half the globe away to locate him!
Have you told Stacy this that they are bad apples(men) in every race/ethnicity?

I had to chuckle about " you don't have to go half the globe away to find a man" comment but seriously what does Stacy mean that she can't find a man in Texas? She doesn't think there is quality men in Texas that would be good for her to give them a try dating wise?

I'm glad she has skyped with the guy from Japan so at least she knows he is who he says he is.

Hey TV,

I did try to express this to her. Numerous times. See, the few times she dated the Black guys, she met them in her old neighborhood or her family set her up. They weren't the most quality guys. Like if I met them in a dark alley, I'd kind of be reaching for the mace and rape whistle. But that being said, I wouldn't dismiss everyone. She dated maybe a half-dozen guys I can think of in Beaumont and she professes to me emphatically "Tiff, you need to get out of Texas, Tiff you need to get yourself a (other state/country) man. Them dudes in Beaumont ain't worth sheesh". There's 100 thousand people in Beaumont. I wouldn't let six knock me out of them. I've met a couple of nice guys in town. Unfortunately, the ones I could really go for, I lost contact with. But we met in town, within 10 miles of my home. It is possible. Also where we look for guys is different. I'd prefer someone in a professional setting or perhaps at church. I'd prefer a nice church-going man. There's a mess of churches in Beaumont. My uncle is a preacher, an old family friend is a preacher.That's just the difference. I know I'm old-fashioned. But I'd like to meet a guy in flesh and blood, not on a screen. Shake his hand, look into his eyes, talk to him. Because with Stacie going behind this Japanese guy, think of it. When he logs off Skype, who's to say he doesn't have a wife and kid or something somewhere? I mean hell even in person no one knows all the angles. I  just hate to keep seeing my friend get hurt. Another thing is, well, frankly, she's shallow. She's very specific about looks. Essentially, she wants someone who looks like he just broke out of an anime. I've seen the guy, he's very theatrical looking and it's not realistic to hang it all on looks. I mean you see me going crazy over Michael Jackson, but I know I won't really end up with a tall, tall, long-haired man with a voice like Mickey Mouse. I actually, in real life, prefer the "teddy bear" type. You know, plump, sweet looking, that sort of thing. (I live in the South, there's SO MANY guys that look like that--it's the food!) But I realize there's more than looks. There has to be that connection. Stacie doesn't get that with guys. All I hear is "so and so is soooo good looking and yadda yadda" I never hear "Oh , we had such a good talk" or "he has such good viewpoints" etc.

I just wish she'd...calm down some, that's all. She's 27 she's young. she got time. :) But if this is where her heart is, God be with her.

Hey TV,

I did try to express this to her. Numerous times. See, the few times she dated the Black guys, she met them in her old neighborhood or her family set her up. They weren't the most quality guys. Like if I met them in a dark alley, I'd kind of be reaching for the mace and rape whistle. But that being said, I wouldn't dismiss everyone. She dated maybe a half-dozen guys I can think of in Beaumont and she professes to me emphatically "Tiff, you need to get out of Texas, Tiff you need to get yourself a (other state/country) man. Them dudes in Beaumont ain't worth sheesh". There's 100 thousand people in Beaumont. I wouldn't let six knock me out of them. I've met a couple of nice guys in town. Unfortunately, the ones I could really go for, I lost contact with. But we met in town, within 10 miles of my home. It is possible. Also where we look for guys is different. I'd prefer someone in a professional setting or perhaps at church. I'd prefer a nice church-going man. There's a mess of churches in Beaumont. My uncle is a preacher, an old family friend is a preacher.That's just the difference. I know I'm old-fashioned. But I'd like to meet a guy in flesh and blood, not on a screen. Shake his hand, look into his eyes, talk to him. Because with Stacie going behind this Japanese guy, think of it. When he logs off Skype, who's to say he doesn't have a wife and kid or something somewhere? I mean hell even in person no one knows all the angles. I  just hate to keep seeing my friend get hurt. Another thing is, well, frankly, she's shallow. She's very specific about looks. Essentially, she wants someone who looks like he just broke out of an anime. I've seen the guy, he's very theatrical looking and it's not realistic to hang it all on looks. I mean you see me going crazy over Michael Jackson, but I know I won't really end up with a tall, tall, long-haired man with a voice like Mickey Mouse. I actually, in real life, prefer the "teddy bear" type. You know, plump, sweet looking, that sort of thing. (I live in the South, there's SO MANY guys that look like that--it's the food!) But I realize there's more than looks. There has to be that connection. Stacie doesn't get that with guys. All I hear is "so and so is soooo good looking and yadda yadda" I never hear "Oh , we had such a good talk" or "he has such good viewpoints" etc.

I just wish she'd...calm down some, that's all. She's 27 she's young. she got time. :) But if this is where her heart is, God be with her.

A bad feeling about someone should tell you all you need to know and that trumps looks! Everyone has preferences for looks, they'd be lying to say they didn't. Wanting perfection every time is wasting your life hoping for. Connecting is very important and having common ground. If you're just too different there won't be anything to go on when the infatuation fades. Plus she has a kid and needs to settle down and think. He needs to be brought up in a stable environment with a mom who'll be his mom first, not on the side when she finds time between guys. Maybe that sounds bitchy, but I don't know how else to say it.

A bad feeling about someone should tell you all you need to know and that trumps looks! Everyone has preferences for looks, they'd be lying to say they didn't. Wanting perfection every time is wasting your life hoping for. Connecting is very important and having common ground. If you're just too different there won't be anything to go on when the infatuation fades. Plus she has a kid and needs to settle down and think. He needs to be brought up in a stable environment with a mom who'll be his mom first, not on the side when she finds time between guys. Maybe that sounds bitchy, but I don't know how else to say it.


You're not being bitchy. You're absolutely right. I have mention to Stacie about taking Leon to Japan and I keep getting the idea that she wants to leave him with Phi and I just don't really trust him. Because from what Stacie tells me he doesn't seem to have that much interest in his son. And I just keep thinking of that Taraji P. Henson film where she's married to a guy, I think he was Filipino though, and he takes their son and goes to the Philippines and it's a long time before she got her kid back , and I worry about that. I just don't think Stacie has really seen what a stable environment is. I won't air all the girl's business, but it wasn't like mine. Like, with my parents I knew where they were at any given time. ("Mom is at work, Daddy is down at the church building another room for Mr. Robert. Mom is sick at home, Daddy is out working on the car...") I grew up in an environment where if I went somewhere my folks knew. Even if I was going to go put trash out, I told someone. And I don't know if she knows how to do it. Because if this thing with the guy in Japan fizzles out, give it a week, there will be a new guy. Hell, half the time before it's over with the old guy she's pursuing the new guy. And like I said I used to envy her for snagging guys. I don't envy her anymore. I kind of...feel sorry for her.

Hey TV,

I did try to express this to her. Numerous times. See, the few times she dated the Black guys, she met them in her old neighborhood or her family set her up. They weren't the most quality guys. Like if I met them in a dark alley, I'd kind of be reaching for the mace and rape whistle. But that being said, I wouldn't dismiss everyone. She dated maybe a half-dozen guys I can think of in Beaumont and she professes to me emphatically "Tiff, you need to get out of Texas, Tiff you need to get yourself a (other state/country) man. Them dudes in Beaumont ain't worth sheesh". There's 100 thousand people in Beaumont. I wouldn't let six knock me out of them. I've met a couple of nice guys in town. Unfortunately, the ones I could really go for, I lost contact with. But we met in town, within 10 miles of my home. It is possible. Also where we look for guys is different. I'd prefer someone in a professional setting or perhaps at church. I'd prefer a nice church-going man. There's a mess of churches in Beaumont. My uncle is a preacher, an old family friend is a preacher.That's just the difference. I know I'm old-fashioned. But I'd like to meet a guy in flesh and blood, not on a screen. Shake his hand, look into his eyes, talk to him. Because with Stacie going behind this Japanese guy, think of it. When he logs off Skype, who's to say he doesn't have a wife and kid or something somewhere? I mean hell even in person no one knows all the angles. I  just hate to keep seeing my friend get hurt. Another thing is, well, frankly, she's shallow. She's very specific about looks. Essentially, she wants someone who looks like he just broke out of an anime. I've seen the guy, he's very theatrical looking and it's not realistic to hang it all on looks. I mean you see me going crazy over Michael Jackson, but I know I won't really end up with a tall, tall, long-haired man with a voice like Mickey Mouse. I actually, in real life, prefer the "teddy bear" type. You know, plump, sweet looking, that sort of thing. (I live in the South, there's SO MANY guys that look like that--it's the food!) But I realize there's more than looks. There has to be that connection. Stacie doesn't get that with guys. All I hear is "so and so is soooo good looking and yadda yadda" I never hear "Oh , we had such a good talk" or "he has such good viewpoints" etc.

I just wish she'd...calm down some, that's all. She's 27 she's young. she got time. :) But if this is where her heart is, God be with her.
Well you and Staci have different taste in guys in terms of types of guys that you both attracted to. "Looks are in the eyes of the beholder"  as the old saying goes. I don't think all men have the same taste in women that I do.

I do agree with you though that there has to be a connection in terms of having good conversations though instead of it all being about looks. She needs to get to know the man first on a personal level rather than basing it on looks if she wants to be with a certain guy. That's the part she is missing. I do think as  "Snozberries" said Staci did have a connection with Phi but it just didn't work out. It happens.

Stacie did have a connection with Phi. That I truly, honestly believe. But the thing is...how do I put this? She does needless sheesh that I think she has no business doing. Like if you like this guy and you're trying to build a life with this guy, why would you go get on his nerves playing pranks on him? I mean if it's April Fool's Day, that's one thing, but doing it on the regular is just stupid to me. If I get another boyfriend, why would I annoy him this way? I'd be busy trying to get along and keep him interested in me and be a good girlfriend. Not hide his sheesh or do stupid things to be extra.
I saw missteps left and right, but I chose to be silent so she wouldn't jump on my neck. I just don't know how to approach her, because really I am the only one who can talk to her. She hates Ebonie unfortunately. I don't know if I WANT to approach her.

Watching the world burn at the moment.

Stacie's little Japanese "friend" is coming to visit her and she's talking like she's going to run off to Japan with him. I hope she doesn't get stranded over there like she's stranded in MS right now.  :(

God, grant me the presence of mind to never run behind any man like this. I'd rather unload my rifle in my mouth.