Does anyone here suffer from depression?  I have battled with it my whole life, but recently it has gotten really bad.  As many of you know, my weight has always been a problem for me, and 3 years ago I started dieting (again) and ended up losing over 100 lbs, getting down very close to my ideal body weight.  Since then, it's been a slow but steady gaining process once again, and now I'm back up about 40 lbs.  I'm so ashamed and disappointed and disgusted with myself.  I find so much comfort from food, so when I'm feeling sad, that's what I turn to.  Cookies and potato chips are my best friend and worst enemy.  It seems that no matter what is going on in my life, I'm never happy.  I can be surrounded by people who love me and treat me good, and all I do is find fault in the smallest things.  I'm always trying to convince myself that I'm an ugly, worthless freak who nobody cares about.  On top of that, I feel absolutely invisible.  Totally insignificant and inconsequential.  I go to parties, weddings, etc and just because I'm not the loudest person there or dancing in the center of the circle, I'm completely ignored.  I'm sure nobody would miss me if I wasn't there.  I have no presence.  As you can tell by my signature and avatar, I'm a huge Madonna fan.  As sad as it is, sometimes, she's all I have to turn to and she doesn't even know I exist.  But I thank God for her because I honestly feel like she's saved my life more than once, through her music and the comfort I receive just from looking at her picture.  I'm such a weirdo and I can't believe I'm opening up like this but if I don't vent to someone (anyone who's reading this), I'll go crazy.  Just feeling really down lately and it's getting worse and worse.  I'm going to try some medication based on my doctor's recommendation, and I'll probably also see a therapist.  Can anyone relate to what I'm going through? 

Does anyone here suffer from depression?  I have battled with it my whole life, but recently it has gotten really bad.  As many of you know, my weight has always been a problem for me, and 3 years ago I started dieting (again) and ended up losing over 100 lbs, getting down very close to my ideal body weight.  Since then, it's been a slow but steady gaining process once again, and now I'm back up about 40 lbs.  I'm so ashamed and disappointed and disgusted with myself.  I find so much comfort from food, so when I'm feeling sad, that's what I turn to.  Cookies and potato chips are my best friend and worst enemy.  It seems that no matter what is going on in my life, I'm never happy.  I can be surrounded by people who love me and treat me good, and all I do is find fault in the smallest things.  I'm always trying to convince myself that I'm an ugly, worthless freak who nobody cares about.  On top of that, I feel absolutely invisible.  Totally insignificant and inconsequential.  I go to parties, weddings, etc and just because I'm not the loudest person there or dancing in the center of the circle, I'm completely ignored.  I'm sure nobody would miss me if I wasn't there.  I have no presence.  As you can tell by my signature and avatar, I'm a huge Madonna fan.  As sad as it is, sometimes, she's all I have to turn to and she doesn't even know I exist.  But I thank God for her because I honestly feel like she's saved my life more than once, through her music and the comfort I receive just from looking at her picture.  I'm such a weirdo and I can't believe I'm opening up like this but if I don't vent to someone (anyone who's reading this), I'll go crazy.  Just feeling really down lately and it's getting worse and worse.  I'm going to try some medication based on my doctor's recommendation, and I'll probably also see a therapist.  Can anyone relate to what I'm going through?




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I'm sure everyone has had the same feelings you are feeling right now. Can't tell you how many times I feel invisible. I know there really isn't anything that I can do to help you-except listen. However, my advice (which you have already mentioned) is to see a therapist. As for meds, I'm kind of leery about those. To be fair, I know they do help some people but they also make things worse for others. The key is figuring out which one(s) will help you and not make things worse.

Another piece of advice, find some new friends. If you go to a party with a TRUE friend and others ignore you, you won't even notice because you will be spending time with your friend. Also, finding a hobby can help. And a bonus will be finding a hobby that allows you to meet new people.


Whenever you need to vent, we are all here. Look at that other thread-just about everyone on this board has vented about one thing or another.



Cat

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I'm sure everyone has had the same feelings you are feeling right now. Can't tell you how many times I feel invisible. I know there really isn't anything that I can do to help you-except listen. However, my advice (which you have already mentioned) is to see a therapist. As for meds, I'm kind of leery about those. To be fair, I know they do help some people but they also make things worse for others. The key is figuring out which one(s) will help you and not make things worse.

Another piece of advice, find some new friends. If you go to a party with a TRUE friend and others ignore you, you won't even notice because you will be spending time with your friend. Also, finding a hobby can help. And a bonus will be finding a hobby that allows you to meet new people.


Whenever you need to vent, we are all here. Look at that other thread-just about everyone on this board has vented about one thing or another.



Cat


Thank you so much, Cat  :-*

I know what you mean about medication.  I've always been wary of it. But I don't know what else to do.

Thank you so much, Cat  :-*

I know what you mean about medication.  I've always been wary of it. But I don't know what else to do.



I'm wondering if there are natural alternatives. I don't know if this is the same thing or not, but I have been dealing with a hormonal imbalance. I didn't want to go on synthetic crap that docs always want to put women on. I scoured the internet looking for natural alternatives. I found something but the jury is still out whether it is working or not since I have only been using it for a week & a half. My point is, maybe there is something out there that might help you. Try Googling. You never know.



Cat

Yes, I can relate to three things. One is feeling invisible a lot of times in my life, it is part of the symptoms of depression I'm guessing. Except I suffer more from anxiety than depression, like 70% anxiety and 30% depression. But also people can unknowingly make you feel invisible or like crap without meaning to. Human nature isn't warm by default, sometimes you have to goad some people to get their attention, and that makes one with depression even more depressed. Mental illness can make a person feel very lonely and isolated, even when they're around hundreds or thousands of people.

And the second thing is the mental illness part I can relate to. It's a daily battle.

And finally, the weight problems. Oh God. Did you know that roughly half of mentally ill people have problems with their weight? That includes me also. Usually half of mentally ill people gain weight, like at least 30 pounds or more, so what you're going through is very normal!

I am at a constant struggle with myself.  I am depressed and/or an introvert most of the time. I try to be more social, but it doesn't feel normal to me.  I know that I struggle with depression (especially during times when the sun isn't out - which for Pennsylvania, is pretty often.  :P ) I have been on an antidepressant, slowly increasing the dosage, since October last year.  I *think* it has helped, or at least has stopped my seasonal affective disorder from getting to where I'm really wondering what my value in this world is.  I'm trying to avoid crazy stress (I know everybody has some stress, and I can handle it, just the really tough things... are... well, tough to get through.)  I've been trying to ween myself from Facebook games (sometimes doing better then other times).  I've been really trying to get my hoard into some kind of shape of normalcy.  I am lethargic.  I am scattered and my memory is *shi*ty* so that puts fears of my having inherited my mother's early onset Alzheimers. 
Sorry, didn 't mean to go off on a tangent/poor me post.

What I'm trying to say, not so eloquently, is I know where you are coming from, I struggle with it.  I WANT to be more sparkly, more extroverted, happy.  It's a work in process.  I started out taking a natural antidepressant, called SAM-E.  You can find it in most vitamin sections.  It seem to work somewhat in my milder phases of my depression.  i know some of my problem is getting good sleep (so I take Melatonin.)  It's worked for me, I know others have had bad experiences with it.  So it's hard to say.  I think it's a long process of trying things to see what work, along with therapy.  I know therapy has helped my husband and I over the years.

As Cat said, we are here to talk or vent to any time of day/night.  I wish you the very best.

Patty

definatly feel invisible and worthless a lot and I probably feel it so often with my Brain Tumor, but

I'm still doing what I can  yeah 8)

I have dysthymia and have had it for many years, so I understand where you are coming from.  If you are afraid of meds or want to stay away from that path (like me) try St Johns Wort. it is a natural herb and it does help, but be sure to buy it from a natural foods or health foods/vitamin store. NOT at a chain store-chain stores carry it but the quality is not there in most of those brands and it won't work. I can't give you dosages because I am not a doc, but you can get this info from a doctor or an herbal practitioner.

I had a friend who also suffered depression tell me a long time ago that if you are depressed, snort a long line of FE (a Myer-Briggs term), meaning get involved in helping others. Volunteer or do some type of charity work. It reinforces your value and you would not begin to believe how much that helps you; just as much as it helps others. Volunteer your time, actually wade in and get your hands dirty, so to speak. It makes you grateful and humble and satisfied in a way nothing else can. Everyone can contribute, if you have a particular skill share it, if you don't then just get in and help somewhere.

Stay active too. You don't have to go crazy with the exercise, but a simple walk will make you feel so much better.

Don't believe the hype you see on tv and movies that refer to being totally blissful. You don't have to be an extrovert or deliriously happy or 'up' all the time; the truth is we aren't designed to be pie in the sky happy all the time, contentment is what we really should be striving for in our daily lives. Quoted from a therapist that I was seeing when the depression was sinking it's hooks in me, and just knowing that helped and relieved me somewhat.

Take care and remember you are not alone. I know that you don't know me but I am here and I will listen if you need to talk.

Thank you everyone for your advice and comments.  It means a lot to me. 

glad I made someone happier,  I often don't know what I'm living for and glad to make someone happy

Take care and remember you are not alone.


Required reading:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5KYndYQvhcA/TqjwLC8ZsNI/AAAAAAAAGZM/O6b-guyxRHU/s400/sad16alt.png

Part 1: 2011 http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
Part 2: 2013 http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-48cilHc8A2M/Uga2rsk8d1I/AAAAAAAAKNk/Gyhf68Mmb7c/s640/ADTWO59.png

Even the attractive successful people who create awesome webcomics have been there. All I can say is take it one day at a time. Find the corn or let the corn find you. Or don't. But you'll probably like the results better if you find the corn or let the corn find you, however long it takes.

My mother decided to point her finger at me and say I cant do anything right.  This gave me a flashback for my PTSD.  Over time all the negative things I've been through have added up and now I'm a fast reacting grouchy person.

My mother decided to point her finger at me and say I cant do anything right.  This gave me a flashback for my PTSD.  Over time all the negative things I've been through have added up and now I'm a fast reacting grouchy person.

Why is she like that? Can you get away from her or at least stand up to her? What caused you PTSD?

I had a brain tumor when I was 7 years old which I know gives more mental problems then the average person.  I don't know about my mom, but she behaves as if she has some kind of stress disorder problem.  Seems she decided that she needed to pass it on to me.  Thanks mom