Why is it so hard for me to be happy?  99% of my problems are all in my head.  I look in the mirror and pick myself apart until I truly believe I'm the ugliest person on Earth.  I thought losing all that weight would help, but all it gave me was a new set of flaws to obsess over.  For those of you who are lucky enough to not deal with food and weight issues, it's basically an everyday battle NOT to over-eat, NOT to go back to old, disgusting habits.  I'm truly sickened when I think of the way I used to eat, what a frickin' pig I was.  I ate like I was trying to gain weight, and boy did I.  I ballooned up to a pathetic 303lbs.  I treated my body like a garbage disposal, and it shows.  I have stretch marks, loose skin, bulging veins... I'm a mess.  So, I worked my butt off and lost 112 lbs - whoopie frickin doo.  I made a complete and total pig of myself, destroyed my body, and then tried to return it to my pre-glutton self.  But I failed, because I'll never have a "normal" body.  I can lift all the weights I want and run a million miles and I'll never be "toned" because my skin hangs and droops.  And then I have the audacity to think that people should be PROUD of me for losing the weight?!?!  They should be laughing at me. 

I really hate myself today.

Hi, sorry you are having such a crappy day.

First of all losing over 100 pounds is a major achievement that will result in so much better health for you as you get older.  But maybe because you are having a crappy day you might not see that right now. 

I think all of us are very self-critical about the way we look, but by the way, I've seen your recent photos (maybe 6 months ago).  I think you are a good looking guy. I think many people would say the same.  I'm shocked you would think otherwise.
Dunno what else to say right now except try not to be so hard on yourself.  Don't listen to those voices that are self-destructive. It's something I also try not to listen myself everyday.

Awww Bill, I hate to see you like this. Losing over 100 lbs is nothing to sneeze at. That took a lot of hard work and determination and you should be proud of yourself. Hell, I can't even lose 5 lbs not to mention the 30 I really want to lose. And I think you are a good looking guy. But just remember that beauty isn't just skin deep. Your true beauty is in who you are. Your homework assignment is to list all your good traits and all your accomplishments and then just focus on THAT list and don't think of that "other" list.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Cat

So sorry to hear that you're still so unhappy after such a great achievement.  This however, is proof that food is NOT your issue - it's your escape!  Please talk to someone who can help you to love and respect yourself, Bill!  You seem like a great guy and your psyche is worth all of the hard work you've put into losing weight.

Be well  :)

You should be proud of yourself, you did a great job by losing all that weight. :)

Sir Billzy,

The reason for my 80+ pound weight gain in the past few years was because I was punishing myself with food. I felt guilty about some things I did and I gobbled down a bunch of food because of it. Like you I lost weight, although only half of your weight loss.

I'm glad you lost all that weight but I hope you don't hurt yourself like I did by doing/thinking whatever.


-Peace-

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words of encouragement.  I was having a bad day (obviously  ;D) and feel much better now.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words of encouragement.  I was having a bad day (obviously  ;D) and feel much better now.


That's good to hear.  :)

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words of encouragement.  I was having a bad day (obviously  ;D) and feel much better now.



We all have days like that. But, I'm glad you are feeling better.



Cat

I am my own grandpa