When someone apologizes for something, does it really help, or make it worse?

I have accidentally offend people now and then because I speak without thinking-and then when that happens I feel so horribly bad for it because I can feel/see that they were hurt or offended.

What do you think? What is the best way to handle hurting/offending someone? Do you appreciate an apology or is it even worse to receive one after something happens?

I appreciate when people apologizes to me.

I have the happen of apologizing for just about EVERYTHING without realizing it. Last year, we were down in D.C. taking care of my dad (the last time I saw him  :\'( :\'( :\'( ). He was yelling at me to "STOP APOLOGIZING!" My response, "I'm sorry."  :-\\



Cat

I look at it like this. The apologizer is showing feeling and sympathy. An apology shows you are just being yourself
and not being malicious. The offended party should see the humble act as a peace offering because to apologize is
to admit being wrong which isn't easy to do. If the offended party doesn't accept an apology they are shallow and
self absorbed.

The only time an apology loses it's validity is when the same person is constantly offended in the same manner.
You can only kick someone in the shin once and say I'm sorry, after the tenth time they know you don't mean it.

however, there are times when one should neither offer nor accept an apology. If you truely believe in what you
say or do then an apology is allowing someone to change your views.

Apologize when you know you're wrong, stand by your convictions when you think you're right and don't worry
about anyone else. Those who accept you for who you are will know the difference, those who don't aren't needed
anyway.

It depends on what you've done and if you're truly sorry. Don't apologize for speaking things you feel are the truth and only say sorry to save face. Words cannot be unsaid, so assume that someone does not have to forgive you even though you've apologized.  I do agree with Loki that you can't commit the same infraction and assume an apology will have the same effect. 

It depends on what you've done and if you're truly sorry. Don't apologize for speaking things you feel are the truth and only say sorry to save face. Words cannot be unsaid, so assume that someone does not have to forgive you even though you've apologized.  I do agree with Loki that you can't commit the same infraction and assume an apology will have the same effect.


^this

It depends on what you've done and if you're truly sorry. Don't apologize for speaking things you feel are the truth and only say sorry to save face. Words cannot be unsaid, so assume that someone does not have to forgive you even though you've apologized.  I do agree with Loki that you can't commit the same infraction and assume an apology will have the same effect.



exactly.

apologize only if you mean it, don't just apologize for the fun of it, you have to be sincere and honest about it

apologize only if you mean it, don't just apologize for the fun of it, you have to be sincere and honest about it


Remember what you've apologized for so you don t do it again.... :D

Love is never having to say you're sorry












Sorry 'bout that

When someone apologizes for something, does it really help, or make it worse?

I have accidentally offend people now and then because I speak without thinking-and then when that happens I feel so horribly bad for it because I can feel/see that they were hurt or offended.

What do you think? What is the best way to handle hurting/offending someone? Do you appreciate an apology or is it even worse to receive one after something happens?


Yes, I absolutely appreciate an apology. And I offer apologies, although sometimes it's hard to admit I've offended someone by accident. Or by unconsciously being "pastor-aggressive" (thank you Mr. Smart)  But when you apologize, make sure you really make it clear that it's an apology and be specific. Don't say something like. "It's too bad that stuff happened the other day." That doesn't sound like you really care!!
I think it's great that you asked that question here to get feedback. I absolutely HATE screwing up, being wrong, etc  8-P  But, hey, I'm human.  :\'(  So I'll try to make up for offending people  :-X  even when I'd rather pretend I didn't.  :-[  Hey, maybe I can use up all the emoticons!  :P 

Love is never having to say you're sorry











Sorry 'bout that



I know this is a famous quote, but it is absolute bullsheesh.  You should ESPECIALLY apologize to the ones you love lest they resent you.

I know this is a famous quote, but it is absolute bullsheesh.  You should ESPECIALLY apologize to the ones you love lest they resent you.


That line has always bugged me. She basically gave him permission to shyt all over her....  >:(

Yep, just like I said, it's some kind of bullsheesh!

I don't know what movie you guys are talking about but I agree.  Love means being able to say you are sorry when you truly are. 

I don't know what movie you guys are talking about but I agree.  Love means being able to say you are sorry when you truly are.



Love Story.



Cat

Thanks, Cat.  Never seen the movie. 

Remember what you've apologized for so you don t do it again.... :D


I'm sorry!  :D

I know this is a famous quote, but it is absolute bullsheesh.  You should ESPECIALLY apologize to the ones you love lest they resent you.


But whom?  ???

Thanks, Cat.  Never seen the movie.


It's convoluted crap- don't bother  :D

I had a friend/housemate who used to say he was sorry and then pull exactly the same sh*t the next week.  Then give me the old S.E.G. and say he was sorry. 

I used to get soooooooo mad at him!
http://images.zaazu.com/img/pain-pain-ache-headache-smiley-emoticon-000336-large.gif

Fifteen years later, I'm sure of one thing...if we rekindled our friendship, he would be an a complete and total a-hole to me...and then say he was sorry!  He still lives around here.  I see him from time to time.  I'm like, "Wow, that's Ronnie.  Nobody's caved in his skull with a crowbar and dragged his body behind a pick-up down I-91 yet!"

So why can't girls apologize for breaking us guys's hearts? ???

So why can't girls apologize for breaking us guys's hearts? ???


Probably for the same reason guys don't apologize for breaking girls hearts.

Probably for the same reason guys don't apologize for breaking girls hearts.


O0  That's right.

It was a JOKE people

thank you all for your kind replies. I have tried to reign in my opinionated tongue, as it usually gets me in trouble- and I have gotten much better.

Depends on how bad the thing you did or said was.

If you said things impulsively and didn't think then it could be you didn't think about the other person at all. Are you sure you're as selfless as you think you are? On the other hand, some people are a$$holes themselves and look for flaws in what others do and say just because they're snotty enough.

Anyways, don't mind me, I've said things before and I'm imperfect also. But don't let your past weigh you down.

-Peace-

thank you all for your kind replies. I have tried to reign in my opinionated tongue, as it usually gets me in trouble- and I have gotten much better.


Actualy, I think you are one of the wisest people on inthe00s. You seem to always say the right thing. If anything, I can learn from you  :)

It was a JOKE people


Relax, we got your joke.  We obviously took issue with the quote (which was not meant as a joke at all in the movie).

Probably for the same reason guys don't apologize for breaking girls hearts.


some guys would call the girl up and apologize but I'd rather have it as a face to face confrontation.

some guys would call the girl up and apologize but I'd rather have it as a face to face confrontation.


Face to face is MUCH more respectful. After all, if you were close enough to KISS, or something, then you should have the courage to talk face to face!  BUT it's very scary for some guys, I think. And maybe he knows he is going to get yelled at, or she is going to cry and he is going to feel horrible and have to comfort her and she'll be crying all over his shoulder, begging "Please, please!"  when all he really wanted was to get as far away from her as possible and never see her again.

Face to face is MUCH more respectful. After all, if you were close enough to KISS, or something, then you should have the courage to talk face to face!  BUT it's very scary for some guys, I think. And maybe he knows he is going to get yelled at, or she is going to cry and he is going to feel horrible and have to comfort her and she'll be crying all over his shoulder, begging "Please, please!"  when all he really wanted was to get as far away from her as possible and never see her again.


and the worst apology is by e-mail when that person doesn't have the cojones to do a face to face meeting.

It depends on what you've done and if you're truly sorry. Don't apologize for speaking things you feel are the truth and only say sorry to save face. Words cannot be unsaid, so assume that someone does not have to forgive you even though you've apologized.  I do agree with Loki that you can't commit the same infraction and assume an apology will have the same effect.

This I can agree with.

I often feel the need to apologize to someone when I feel I've said or done something to upset them... and most times it works and they forgive me.

Not when you're saying sorry to a total dick!
::)

apologies do help when you posted something that was offensive but you try to be sincere about it and it doesn't seem to help much.  :-\\

apologies do help when you posted something that was offensive but you try to be sincere about it and it doesn't seem to help much.  :-\\



apologies are hard to be seen as sincere when the apology is given by someone who does something he promised (many times) that he would never do again.  >:(

apologies are hard to be seen as sincere when the apology is given by someone who does something he promised (many times) that he would never do again.  >:(


would karma help?

would karma help?

My guess is no...

My guess is no...


Sorry, ok then.

Not when you're saying sorry to a total dick!
::)


Sure they do.  Every time I say "I'm sorry you're a total dick" to some total dick, I feel great!

Sure they do.  Every time I say "I'm sorry you're a total dick" to some total dick, I feel great!


http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1335547807009_5631747.png

would karma help?


Yes.

My guess is no...


Good guess.

Sure they do.  Every time I say "I'm sorry you're a total dick" to some total dick, I feel great!


after that, I would just walk away laughing.

after that, I would just walk away laughing.


At which point whoever I was insulting would get a high-5 and respect knuckles for being a good sport.  Win-win situation!

They do help. An apology builds you as an individual. If your the right person, you will know when and how to say it.

Apologies help sometimes, it all depends on the right person and how they feel about the apology itself.

Only if they mean it. I can tell the difference right away between a sincere apology where the person owns up to the fact they upset me, and a gaslighting "Sorry you were offended" like it's my problem and what they said or did wasn't wrong in the slightest. That's going to offend me more the the initial incident.  >:(

You have to make sure that they'll be able to accept it and move on.

Sorry but, being Canadian, I say sorry before I have something to be actually sorry for.

When someone apologizes for something, does it really help, or make it worse?

I think its hard for some people to accept an apology and move on.........


My example is a fine proof: I used to be such good friends with this guy,I could be myself and swear on his voicemail,etc........ I made a mistake one day and was mad and called his house and left a message with swearing on it.... I didnt think he would mind seeing I could be myself with him.... Ever since then he hasnt been nice to me @ all (This was in the year 2000) His wife accepted my apology (She was scared when she heard my message I was told) He will not accept it and im very sad....... I love this guy so much........

I MADE A MISTAKE...... WHY CANT HE FORGIVE AS CHRIST FORGAVE??

Why are some people so mean now??

http://i48.tinypic.com/168wpko.gif

Apologies do help to comfort the situation of a mistake that has been made, and I am a believer in that you learn from the mistakes that you have made.

I think its hard for some people to accept an apology and move on.........


My example is a fine proof: I used to be such good friends with this guy,I could be myself and swear on his voicemail,etc........ I made a mistake one day and was mad and called his house and left a message with swearing on it.... I didnt think he would mind seeing I could be myself with him.... Ever since then he hasnt been nice to me @ all (This was in the year 2000) His wife accepted my apology (She was scared when she heard my message I was told) He will not accept it and im very sad....... I love this guy so much........

I MADE A MISTAKE...... WHY CANT HE FORGIVE AS CHRIST FORGAVE??

Why are some people so mean??

http://i48.tinypic.com/168wpko.gif


Maybe that's the way they are sometimes, not all people are forgiving.

I dunno buddy... It makes me very sad..... I have been trying so hard with him.......

:(

I dunno buddy... It makes me very sad..... I have been trying so hard with him.......

:(


Has he forgiven you? ???

No buddy he hasnt..... Its hard for me to move on w/o fixing this :(

No buddy he hasnt..... Its hard for me to move on w/o fixing this :(


So how are you going to fix it? ???

I think its hard for some people to accept an apology and move on......

...Which is sad. I don't know why that is, but I, too, have encountered people like that.



My example is a fine proof: I used to be such good friends with this guy,I could be myself and swear on his voicemail,etc........ I made a mistake one day and was mad and called his house and left a message with swearing on it.... I didnt think he would mind seeing I could be myself with him.... Ever since then he hasnt been nice to me @ all (This was in the year 2000) His wife accepted my apology (She was scared when she heard my message I was told) He will not accept it and im very sad....... I love this guy so much........

I MADE A MISTAKE...... WHY CANT HE FORGIVE AS CHRIST FORGAVE??


'Tis possible some people aren't as compassionate as others.



Why are some people so mean now??

http://i48.tinypic.com/168wpko.gif

Maybe that's the way they are sometimes, not all people are forgiving.


That's sad too.

The world is a mean place now.......... I did all I can I guess.... I apologised..... Now its all on him.......

The world is a mean place now.......... I did all I can I guess.... I apologised..... Now its all on him.......


What does he have to do?