Hi!

So first, my question... then the long story behind it will be below, if you're interested.

If someone you didn't know contacted you, trying to locate a relative of yours, and said they were old friends, would you respond?

I would think that most people would respond.  I know I would.  I wouldn't give out my relative's info, but I would say "I'll pass along your info to him" or "I'm sorry, I don't know how to get in touch with him".  I wouldn't just ignore it, unless I thought it was spam.  But it might make sense that some people would talk to their relative first, and if the relative didn't want to be contacted, then maybe just not respond?  Just trying to get a consensus of what the average person would do.

Why?

A couple weeks ago I was playing roulette in Reno, and one of the dealers asked me why I always play the 13.  I had a really good friend back in the early 90's, we worked together, and we would hang out almost every day.  On the days we didn't, we'd usually spend an hour or so on the phone.  Sometimes we'd go to Reno on the weekends, and it was one of those times that we learned to play roulette.  The 13 was hitting like crazy, I think we each won $1000 from playing the 13.  I still play it. 

Then one night after a few drinks, things happened that shouldn't have, and it got complicated.  We got through it, but soon after that, he moved down south somewhere without telling me or any of our mutual friends.

I just realized its been almost 20 years since I've talked to him and I
wondered how he's doing. But he seems to have pretty much dropped off
the face of the Earth. No sign of him on Facebook, Myspace, etc
although I did find some of his family on Facebook.  I don't know them
though, I think I met his aunt and uncle once and his cousin twice,
briefly. I tried sending an email to a couple of them but haven't
gotten any reply. I don't know if he is getting my messages and
doesn't want to respond, or if his relatives haven't seen/ignored my
email.

Its possible that he got my messages and doesn't want to
respond, he was the type who could very easily cut all his ties and
just up and leave.  Its also possible that the family members I
contacted don't know where he is.  I know he had cut his ties with some
of his family when I knew him.

I guess I'm not sure if I should keep trying or not.  If they have told him that I'm looking for him, the last thing I want is more people telling him that, thus making me look like I'm obsessed with finding him...  but at the same time, he still may have no idea I am trying to contact him.

He's just been on my mind ever since I got back from Reno, I just want to know if he's ok...

Appreciate your perspectives!!

After reading what you posted, it seems to me you really want to get in touch with him, or at least find out what happended to him.

If I were you, I'd go ahead, look for him on facebook, myspace, twitter, etc..keep trying. Don't give up now aftr all these years. Can't hurt to try...

After reading what you posted, it seems to me you really want to get in touch with him, or at least find out what happended to him.

If I were you, I'd go ahead, look for him on facebook, myspace, twitter, etc..keep trying. Don't give up now aftr all these years. Can't hurt to try...


I already looked in the obvious places like Facebook, etc.  He isn't there.  The family members of his that I did find, had lots of family photos on their profiles, but he isn't in any of them.  That's why I really want to know if he's ok...

I guess I'm not sure how to interpret the lack of response from his family members that I have sent emails to.  Did they not see it or think it was spam and ignore it?  Did they tell him and just not respond to let me know that they told him?  I'm just not sure what people would do in that situation.  It's kind of frustrating.

I have a couple of people like that.  You can only do what you can do, there are some people who for whatever reasons turned their backs and walked away from their old lives to start new ones and don't want any ties.  If you really want to persist then internet is not the way to do it, you have to pick up the phone and talk to someone and say who you are.  At least then you will know the message has gone through, if they respond that is good, if not, then you should just leave it alone.

What ^ said.

What I'd like to know though: how many people have you sent emails to, and how often have you tried? ??? Personally I'd say five times in total (to at least 3 different people) is about the limit. If they don't respond then clearly they don't want to.

It's a tricky situation, I know, but there's only so much you can do. You'll probably never get the full story.

The frustrating thing is: not everybody turns up on a Google search. Don't know if you've tried other search engines. :-\\ I know I've helped Dave (Davester) in a quest for information about his son that way.

Have you tried to Google him? Sometimes you can find someone's snail mail address & phone # through Google. If you do, I would suggest writing him a note via snail mail rather than calling him. If he doesn't reply, well, I guess that is your answer.



Cat

good advice so far, although I disagree with Henk, contacting someone 5x may be too much. I would try one more time but not more than 3x per person.


It's possible that, as you say the family doesn't know where he is and therefore can't reach out to him. If it were me I would respond even it were just to tell you that I can't help you, but not everyone is that considerate.

Unfortunately he may not be over whatever happened. Perhaps he's scared of more conflict or just doesn't want to go back through it all again. It seems he was dealing with some other stuff or had a big need to escape. So he just took off. 

He could be in witness protection  ;) 


and sadly, the fact that it's been 20yrs, there's a possibility he's passed away.  :-\\ 



Having said all that I'm surprised how much info people will give me because I claim to be calling from a police dept. I mean, I am actually calling from a police dept but, when I call the parents trying to get in touch with the son or  :o daughter  :o they just give all the info I ask for without really verifying the I'm who I say I am....maybe because I'm female but still...

Yeah, I would never contact the same person 5 times. So far I have contacted a total of 3 people, once each.  One was a band who had him listed as a former member. They did respond, but said they haven't seen him since the mid 90s, almost as long as its been since I've seen him.  Apparently he just up and left again.  Then I tried contacting his cousin who I think is the one I met. He lived up here when my friend did, but now lives in another state.  I also tried contacting who I believe is his older brother who I've never met. Its been so long I can't remember all the names. I know for sure that they are related somehow. Neither have responded.

I did google his name and found a ton of addresses, with no way to tell which was when.  I guess you could kind of call him a drifter, but not the criminal/mooching kind.  In the few years that I knew him, he always worked and never asked for anything.  I think he would just see an opportunity to better himself and would go for it without looking back.

We were good friends for 2-3 years, it was only a couple months toward the end that our friendship was a bit strained.  But that couple months could be what stands out in his mind, that was the case for me until recently.

Henk, I'm going to pm you when I get home. Its a pain to pm from my phone.

Thanks to all for your input! :)

good advice so far, although I disagree with Henk, contacting someone 5x may be too much. I would try one more time but not more than 3x per person.




Yeah, I would never contact the same person 5 times.


Well, neither would I.
What I meant to say: I'd try it five times max. Not five times to the same person, but five times in total. And I'd also not try more than three different people.


So far I have contacted a total of 3 people, once each.  One was a band who had him listed as a former member. They did respond, but said they haven't seen him since the mid 90s, almost as long as its been since I've seen him.  Apparently he just up and left again.  Then I tried contacting his cousin who I think is the one I met. He lived up here when my friend did, but now lives in another state.  I also tried contacting who I believe is his older brother who I've never met. Its been so long I can't remember all the names. I know for sure that they are related somehow. Neither have responded.


This is exactly what I would have done: contact three different people (max.), so we're on the same page. That's where I would draw the line.

From what you've explained, here is what I think:  This person does not want to be found, regardless of whether or not he knows you've been looking for him.  The fact that he did not tell anyone he was leaving initially and hasn't reached out since is a big tell.  Consider that he might not be worth finding; that the relatives you've reached out to may know things about him you did not.  Finally, he may not put himself out there on social media but you are out there to be found - he can always come looking for you, if he's interested in reconnecting.  I'd leave it alone.

From what you've explained, here is what I think:  This person does not want to be found, regardless of whether or not he knows you've been looking for him.  The fact that he did not tell anyone he was leaving initially and hasn't reached out since is a big tell.  Consider that he might not be worth finding; that the relatives you've reached out to may know things about him you did not.  Finally, he may not put himself out there on social media but you are out there to be found - he can always come looking for you, if he's interested in reconnecting.  I'd leave it alone.


Yeah, I have thought about that too... except that he doesn't know I got married so he wouldn't know my name now... but yeah, I think I'm going to leave it alone for now... I really, more than anything, just want to know he's ok, it just seems so odd that he's nowhere to be found.  Even if I never had any contact with him, I'd be happy if I could just find some little tidbit somewhere that let me know he's ok.  I guess now is not that time, but I'm sure someday something will surface. :)

I would think that most people would respond.  I know I would.  I wouldn't give out my relative's info, but I would say "I'll pass along your info to him" or "I'm sorry, I don't know how to get in touch with him".  I wouldn't just ignore it, unless I thought it was spam.


My answer would be to not respond to you (from my perspective, you'd be a stranger - meaning you're a 419 scammer, spear phisher, stalker, or debt collector, or process server, all of which are bad news.  Most people suck, so the odds that you're someone the recipient wants to hear from are pretty slim :).  I'd contact the intended recipient of your message with "Hi, someone's looking for you. They call themselves XYZ. They claim to know you from ABC. Sound familiar?"

Silence or "don't know anybody by that name" from the intended recipient, I assume 419 scammer or failed spear phish attempt (or worse :) and trash the mails.

Response of "ZOMG not XYZ!" gets a "I didn't reply and won't.  I'll blackhole all future contact attempts and will report to you on similar suspicious inquiries."

Response of "ZOMG I can't wait to talk to XYZ!" gets "Here's the message, you two have fun!"

Receiving a series of repeated inquiries over a period of weeks/months after prior ones had been ignored would rapidly change my assessment from "harmless scammer" to "creepy stalker".  Two, maybe three, tops. Five is right out.

I like Henk's solution to your problem.  One request, sent once, to a few people who might know your target?  Fine.  No response from any of them, assume your target either doesn't want to make contact, or they really have dropped off the face of the earth.  Either way, don't take it personally, just let it go.

Thanks to all again! :)

Everyone has been so helpful, I may not come here alot but sometimes it's the only place I am comfortable to post things!

I am not going to contact anyone else unless I see something that really convinces me that the person is currently in contact with him... like a recent photo of him or something... otherwise, I'm done playing the wondering game.

As far fetched and silly as it may sound, it just occurred to me that he may have considered at some point after he left, that I could have been pregnant...

Thanks to all again! :)

Everyone has been so helpful, I may not come here alot but sometimes it's the only place I am comfortable to post things!

I am not going to contact anyone else unless I see something that really convinces me that the person is currently in contact with him... like a recent photo of him or something... otherwise, I'm done playing the wondering game.

As far fetched and silly as it may sound, it just occurred to me that he may have considered at some point after he left, that I could have been pregnant...


I was aactuly thinking that but, since you didn't go in to details about while far things went I choose not to speculate.  ;)


Ajother plausible scenario....he. Could be in prison.  :-\\

I was aactuly thinking that but, since you didn't go in to details about while far things went I choose not to speculate.  ;)


Ajother plausible scenario....he. Could be in prison.  :-\\


....or married

....or married


True.

I wouldn't think married would be a factor unless he has a jealous wife...I mean, I am married...  I have thought about prison, only because these days when someone isn't on social networking, etc, it kind of makes you think something must have happened (with some exceptions like Cat!) But I can't see him getting in any serious trouble... Though it has been ages and anything could have changed.

It also could be the economy, he never had trouble finding work but things are different now - the fact that he moves around so much may hurt him since it looks unstable. He may just not be able to afford the luxury of a computer and internet.

I guess anything is possible...

Since getting on the internet, I was looking for my childhood best friend. We lost contact with each other when we were about 15 and I wanted to reconnect with her. I looked and looked and looked. I was doing Google search after Google search at no avail.

My sister found a website that had old newspapers from the area we grew up in. The two of us scoured the old newspapers for anything about us. Not only would be plug in our names, we also plugged in our the name of our neighborhood and the name of our street. It was in that search for anything about our family, we found the wedding announcement for my childhood best friend's brother. My sister (who has a "fake" Facebook account) found her sister-in-law and contacted her-told her who she was and that I was looking for her SIL. She said that her husband remember our last name-so she knew we were legit and not some scammer. But unfortunately, she informed us that my childhood best friend passed away back in 2003.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(  I never did get a chance reconnect with with my friend. But, her SIL did send a very nice pic of her-something I didn't really have. So, my search came to an end.



Cat 

Since getting on the internet, I was looking for my childhood best friend. We lost contact with each other when we were about 15 and I wanted to reconnect with her. I looked and looked and looked. I was doing Google search after Google search at no avail.

My sister found a website that had old newspapers from the area we grew up in. The two of us scoured the old newspapers for anything about us. Not only would be plug in our names, we also plugged in our the name of our neighborhood and the name of our street. It was in that search for anything about our family, we found the wedding announcement for my childhood best friend's brother. My sister (who has a "fake" Facebook account) found her sister-in-law and contacted her-told her who she was and that I was looking for her SIL. She said that her husband remember our last name-so she knew we were legit and not some scammer. But unfortunately, she informed us that my childhood best friend passed away back in 2003.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(  I never did get a chance reconnect with with my friend. But, her SIL did send a very nice pic of her-something I didn't really have. So, my search came to an end.



Cat

Very sad.  :(

I have a similar story. I had a childhood friend, my best friend. We lost touch in 1972 when her family moved away. I found her photo in the paper in 1974...but was too young to drive or think of a way to find her and there was no internet back then.

I reconnected with her again in 1987 and we stayed in touch until 1995.  After reading Cat's & Odyssey's story, I decided to mount the courage today and searched for her on facebook. A few minutes later I found her ( just judging by what I still think she looks like in her late 40s)

I just finished typing a note and sent it about 10 minutes ago. Awaiting the reply.

Since getting on the internet, I was looking for my childhood best friend. We lost contact with each other when we were about 15 and I wanted to reconnect with her. I looked and looked and looked. I was doing Google search after Google search at no avail.

My sister found a website that had old newspapers from the area we grew up in. The two of us scoured the old newspapers for anything about us. Not only would be plug in our names, we also plugged in our the name of our neighborhood and the name of our street. It was in that search for anything about our family, we found the wedding announcement for my childhood best friend's brother. My sister (who has a "fake" Facebook account) found her sister-in-law and contacted her-told her who she was and that I was looking for her SIL. She said that her husband remember our last name-so she knew we were legit and not some scammer. But unfortunately, she informed us that my childhood best friend passed away back in 2003.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(  I never did get a chance reconnect with with my friend. But, her SIL did send a very nice pic of her-something I didn't really have. So, my search came to an end.



Cat



that's sad.

I had a high school friend who was that cool chick everyone wanted to be friends with. We lost touch but reconnected a few times through my space then facebook... she had been struggling with drug addiction for the last 20 yrs so it was hard to be friends with her. I have fond memories of her, and during the times she was sober it was great talking to her. Unfortunately she died last year (or the year before) and it was sad to think she never really got a chance to be alright with herself.

I signed up for classmates.com years ago. And found some old friends, that way.  One person I was looking for was a friend of mine from 5th & 6th grade.  I put up a notice (or maybe I emailed every person with the same name - 5ppl) asking if they were my old friend.  About 2 yrs later one responded yes it's me....but she didn't put an email address or anything so I responded back GREAT I wanna catch up but that email is just hanging in cyberspace because she never came back (or maybe she did and I scared her  :D )

that's sad.

I had a high school friend who was that cool chick everyone wanted to be friends with. We lost touch but reconnected a few times through my space then facebook... she had been struggling with drug addiction for the last 20 yrs so it was hard to be friends with her. I have fond memories of her, and during the times she was sober it was great talking to her. Unfortunately she died last year (or the year before) and it was sad to think she never really got a chance to be alright with herself.



What was really sad was the fact that my friend fell into the wrong crowd and became addicted to heroin (?) and died of AIDS.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(



Cat

that's sad.

I had a high school friend who was that cool chick everyone wanted to be friends with. We lost touch but reconnected a few times through my space then facebook... she had been struggling with drug addiction for the last 20 yrs so it was hard to be friends with her. I have fond memories of her, and during the times she was sober it was great talking to her. Unfortunately she died last year (or the year before) and it was sad to think she never really got a chance to be alright with herself.



What was really sad was the fact that my friend fell into the wrong crowd and became addicted to heroin (?) and died of AIDS.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(



Cat

What is also bizarre is that my friend also fell into the wrong crowd, got addicted to pot & did coke and drank herself silly, but somehow she came out of it..In 1987 I actually helped getting her out of the wrong crowd.

What is also bizarre is that my friend also fell into the wrong crowd, got addicted to pot & did coke and drank herself silly, but somehow she came out of it..In 1987 I actually helped getting her out of the wrong crowd.



Pot isn't addictive-but coke & booze are. But that is another issue. But, I am glad that your friend was able to get it together.


Cat

What was really sad was the fact that my friend fell into the wrong crowd and became addicted to heroin (?) and died of AIDS.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(



Cat


that is sad

that is sad

agreed; you don't wanna contract anything naughty like that... :-\\

agreed; you don't wanna contract anything naughty like that... :-\\


Naughty? I never really thought of it as a naughty disease...  :D

agreed; you don't wanna contract anything naughty like that... :-\\


AIDS is more than an STD.  It can be transferred by needles and blood transfusions.  Not naughty at all, just awful. 

AIDS is more than an STD.  It can be transferred by needles and blood transfusions.  Not naughty at all, just awful.

Of course. I guess I chose the wrong word; sorry. :-\\

I reconnected with her again in 1987 and we stayed in touch until 1995.  After reading Cat's & Odyssey's story, I decided to mount the courage today and searched for her on facebook. A few minutes later I found her ( just judging by what I still think she looks like in her late 40s)

I just finished typing a note and sent it about 10 minutes ago. Awaiting the reply.


I do need to warn you about one thing - Facebook has changed their format (again) and any messages on Facebook that come from non-friends go into the "Other" Inbox (their version of a spam folder), which unfortunately the majority of people don't even know exists.  When I finally realized I had an "Other" box, I had 6-7 messages in there that were months old already.

So just be aware of that, if she doesn't respond, it may very well be because she didn't see it.... and then you will have a taste of what I am going through!! (not that I wish that on you)

I do need to warn you about one thing - Facebook has changed their format (again) and any messages on Facebook that come from non-friends go into the "Other" Inbox (their version of a spam folder), which unfortunately the majority of people don't even know exists.  When I finally realized I had an "Other" box, I had 6-7 messages in there that were months old already.

So just be aware of that, if she doesn't respond, it may very well be because she didn't see it.... and then you will have a taste of what I am going through!! (not that I wish that on you)

I never even heard of an "other" box on facebook.

I never even heard of an "other" box on facebook.


Look on the far left of your FB home page underneath "Messages".  If you don't see the word "Other" underneath it, click on "Messages", and you will.

Most people don't even know it's there.

Look on the far left of your FB home page underneath "Messages".  If you don't see the word "Other" underneath it, click on "Messages", and you will.

Most people don't even know it's there.

I go to "Other" messages, and it's from all the groups/pages that I'm subscribed to.

I go to "Other" messages, and it's from all the groups/pages that I'm subscribed to.


Yes, those are in there too... but I have also found messages from people who are not on my friends list in there... months after the messages were sent.  I found something in the help files that said that messages from non-friends go into that box.  But I don't think they ever announced it, most people I know had no idea it was there.

Look on the far left of your FB home page underneath "Messages".  If you don't see the word "Other" underneath it, click on "Messages", and you will.

Most people don't even know it's there.


Found it...I never knew it was there.  I have 3 messages there, from groups and people whom I don't know.

Found it...I never knew it was there.  I have 3 messages there, from groups and people whom I don't know.


It's irritating.  When you send someone a message, you really have no idea if they saw it.  It all depends on whether they happen to know about that "Other" box, and if they bother to check it.

It's irritating.  When you send someone a message, you really have no idea if they saw it.  It all depends on whether they happen to know about that "Other" box, and if they bother to check it.

That being said, I wonder if I should send a message to a person who I send a friend request to. Sometimes I do that in case it's a person who I haven't had contact with in ages, and hoping that they'll remember me.

That being said, I wonder if I should send a message to a person who I send a friend request to.

That's the right thing to do, coz it helps.

That's the right thing to do, coz it helps.

Thought so. I have done that a few times and it worked.

Hi!

So first, my question... then the long story behind it will be below, if you're interested.

If someone you didn't know contacted you, trying to locate a relative of yours, and said they were old friends, would you respond?


Appreciate your perspectives!!


just being philosophical, watching the development of the Global Village!  My observation is that in the "olden days," no one expected to be able to find someone after they had disappeared from your "life." Nowadays, with so much social media and SO many ways of connecting and staying connected (how many people spent HOURS on Facebook when they first joined, wracking their brains for just one more person to find!!) Now we seem to sort of expect that the world IS a "global village" and we WILL be able to find anyone we want to!! and we SHOULD be able to, too!!!  This is not intended as any kind of criticism, just an observation. (At one point I had been thinking it would be fun to have everyone try to think of ALL the aspects of "global village-ment" and post them!  One aspect of it I don't usually notice had just occurred. But now I don't remember what it was!!  Just sayin' (as they say.)  oh, that's one, see. These sayings that go around to all the speakers of that language. (just sayin') whereas before, as in Europe, if you lived 250 miles away from someone, you might even speak a completely different language from them!! )  But anyway, I hope you find this fella – I've had this happen, too... frustrating. You just want to KNOW!!!

Would this be felony?

I was at the pharmacy today when a couple of the local transients stepped in front of me and tried to pick up a scrip for a narcotic.  The woman for whom the scrip was written had no state ID and neither did the man she was with.  To my surprise, the pharmacy tech said she would give the woman the medication if the woman could get somebody with a state ID (namely a driver's license) to show ID and sign for the scrip.

Uh-oh. 

This lady turns to me and asks me if I have a license.  Immediately the pharmacy tech says, "I wouldn't do it, Max, the federal government records the transaction.  They'll know you picked up a narcotic."

I said the woman, "I'm sorry, I don't think it is legal for me stand in for you."

The old dude she's with grumbles, "They don't  care about people like us.  They just turn their backs."

The lady gripes to all of us, "Yeah, what do you care if I can't walk?

"I wouldn't do it, Max," repeats the tech. 

I didn't.  The poor bedraggled lady starts going around supermarket asking strangers if they had licenses!

WTF?  The staff at that pharmacy is normally quite professional.  The tech should have known better.  That old dude is a wreck of a hipster who's been bumming around Amherst for decades.  He's intelligent and benign.  I have seen the woman around too.  She's stick thin with horsey teeth, stringy long hair, and that rough skin transients get.  She's maybe in her mid-forties, but could be prematurely age owing to a hard life.  I don't know if she's an addict or not.  She limped and groaned to demonstrate her pain.  It might have been for real, it might have a wing-ding.  If they'd asked for ten bucks, I would have given it to them.  They're not troublemakers.  I just can't risk the feds flagging my name for narcotics!

I think the case is she has no fixed address so she can't get a state ID from the DMV.  The clinic gave her a prescription for oxycodone and didn't explain the ID policy to her.  In my experience, addicts are more savvy and they don't like a scene at the drugstore.  It's more likely the lady is mentally ill.  Then again, I don't really know.

The meat of the matter is that I thought it was a felony in all states to sign for a controlled substance and transfer it to another person.  Is this true?  Only the holder of the prescription can take possession of the drugs and may not distribute the drugs to any other individual.  I would like to know for sure before I send a friendly reminder to my pharmacist.

???

Would this be felony?

I was at the pharmacy today when a couple of the local transients stepped in front of me and tried to pick up a scrip for a narcotic.  The woman for whom the scrip was written had no state ID and neither did the man she was with.  To my surprise, the pharmacy tech said she would give the woman the medication if the woman could get somebody with a state ID (namely a driver's license) to show ID and sign for the scrip.

Uh-oh. 

This lady turns to me and asks me if I have a license.  Immediately the pharmacy tech says, "I wouldn't do it, Max, the federal government records the transaction.  They'll know you picked up a narcotic."

I said the woman, "I'm sorry, I don't think it is legal for me stand in for you."

The old dude she's with grumbles, "They don't  care about people like us.  They just turn their backs."

The lady gripes to all of us, "Yeah, what do you care if I can't walk?

"I wouldn't do it, Max," repeats the tech. 

I didn't.  The poor bedraggled lady starts going around supermarket asking strangers if they had licenses!

WTF?  The staff at that pharmacy is normally quite professional.  The tech should have known better.  That old dude is a wreck of a hipster who's been bumming around Amherst for decades.  He's intelligent and benign.  I have seen the woman around too.  She's stick thin with horsey teeth, stringy long hair, and that rough skin transients get.  She's maybe in her mid-forties, but could be prematurely age owing to a hard life.  I don't know if she's an addict or not.  She limped and groaned to demonstrate her pain.  It might have been for real, it might have a wing-ding.  If they'd asked for ten bucks, I would have given it to them.  They're not troublemakers.  I just can't risk the feds flagging my name for narcotics!

I think the case is she has no fixed address so she can't get a state ID from the DMV.  The clinic gave her a prescription for oxycodone and didn't explain the ID policy to her.  In my experience, addicts are more savvy and they don't like a scene at the drugstore.  It's more likely the lady is mentally ill.  Then again, I don't really know.

The meat of the matter is that I thought it was a felony in all states to sign for a controlled substance and transfer it to another person.  Is this true?  Only the holder of the prescription can take possession of the drugs and may not distribute the drugs to any other individual.  I would like to know for sure before I send a friendly reminder to my pharmacist.

???


First of all you did the right thing. Secondly, my friend is a pharmacist ( in Canada) and she told me it's illegal to do (what you said). She didn't present me with a harcopy of the exact law though.
Think about it: If the prescription is under your name and you gave them the pills and they died from them, might you not be charged with murder/homicide or manslaughter? Or at worst have a headache on your hand?  :-\\

You're fine max- probably not a felony but could be a misdemeanor or at least an infraction.
Robin would know

At the very least I would call her manager and report it. She should be reprimanded for skirting the rules.
The couple can hobble off somewhere and suck it. 

Would this be felony?

I was at the pharmacy today when a couple of the local transients stepped in front of me and tried to pick up a scrip for a narcotic.  The woman for whom the scrip was written had no state ID and neither did the man she was with.  To my surprise, the pharmacy tech said she would give the woman the medication if the woman could get somebody with a state ID (namely a driver's license) to show ID and sign for the scrip.

Uh-oh. 

This lady turns to me and asks me if I have a license.  Immediately the pharmacy tech says, "I wouldn't do it, Max, the federal government records the transaction.  They'll know you picked up a narcotic."

I said the woman, "I'm sorry, I don't think it is legal for me stand in for you."

The old dude she's with grumbles, "They don't  care about people like us.  They just turn their backs."

The lady gripes to all of us, "Yeah, what do you care if I can't walk?

"I wouldn't do it, Max," repeats the tech. 

I didn't.  The poor bedraggled lady starts going around supermarket asking strangers if they had licenses!

WTF?  The staff at that pharmacy is normally quite professional.  The tech should have known better.  That old dude is a wreck of a hipster who's been bumming around Amherst for decades.  He's intelligent and benign.  I have seen the woman around too.  She's stick thin with horsey teeth, stringy long hair, and that rough skin transients get.  She's maybe in her mid-forties, but could be prematurely age owing to a hard life.  I don't know if she's an addict or not.  She limped and groaned to demonstrate her pain.  It might have been for real, it might have a wing-ding.  If they'd asked for ten bucks, I would have given it to them.  They're not troublemakers.  I just can't risk the feds flagging my name for narcotics!

I think the case is she has no fixed address so she can't get a state ID from the DMV.  The clinic gave her a prescription for oxycodone and didn't explain the ID policy to her.  In my experience, addicts are more savvy and they don't like a scene at the drugstore.  It's more likely the lady is mentally ill.  Then again, I don't really know.

The meat of the matter is that I thought it was a felony in all states to sign for a controlled substance and transfer it to another person.  Is this true?  Only the holder of the prescription can take possession of the drugs and may not distribute the drugs to any other individual.  I would like to know for sure before I send a friendly reminder to my pharmacist.

???


Hi, I Googled Massachusetts state ID and qualifications to get it. It seems you need your social security card, is all, not an address. They photograph you. Costs $25. It's good for five years.  She may not have her social security card, but this is something she need to work on, because she need that state ID. (just the ID, not the drivers license.)  It's totally understandable for people to have trouble obtaining this ID, but there's probably help out there, for example, if she's on SSI, through the department of transitional assistance.  Another possibility is that the script was not written to her, but to someone else and it was stolen, or given to her, or maybe it was forged. She has no proof of even what her name is!  I can't imagine what the pharmacist did was legal, but I don't know what the offense would be called. I think she should be reported to the store, even if she is coming from a place of having a soft heart. Who knows how many addicts she may be enabling, and it's the store that's going to get fined. If you report just her behavior to the store, you are not even making any accusations.

The meat of the matter is that I thought it was a felony in all states to sign for a controlled substance and transfer it to another person.  Is this true?  Only the holder of the prescription can take possession of the drugs and may not distribute the drugs to any other individual.  I would like to know for sure before I send a friendly reminder to my pharmacist.


Let's put it this way: I wouldn't have signed for it if I'd been you either.

The pharmacist is legally required to fill the prescription if someone signs for it.  Another law makes it illegal for him to fill the scrip if nobody signs for it.  There's probably a third law (or a store policy) that prevents him from kicking someone out for not having done anything wrong.  He's not a lawyer, so he's prohibited from offering legal advice to you.  He's an employee of the pharmacy, which probably has a policy prohibiting him from offering any advice beyond what's on the scrip, and that advice is under HIPAA or some other regulation, and can only be between the pharmacist and the patient. 

Cue the Zimmerman "stand your ground" thread.  The 911 operator can't tell Zimmerman to stay in his vehicle.  The farthest they can go is to strongly hint that "you don't need to do that."

Do I care if she can walk?  Sure.  But in addtion to not being a lawyer, I'm also not a doctor, and I'm not fit to judge whether she's filling a genuine scrip, or if she's just engaging in drug-seeking behavior.  She's free to ask as many people to sign for it as she wishes (just as anyone is free to say "hello" to anyone on the street) so long as she doesn't cross the subtle line being a potential customer and harassing the customers/disturbing the peace/loitering, she can hang around as long as she wants.  Maybe she's telling the truth.  On balance of probabilities, I'd wager she wasn't - most patients who can afford the co-pays can afford $25 for ID, and that's probably what the tech felt too.  But if I were the pharmacy tech, I also wouldn't risk the lawsuit for accusing someone's dear-granny-who-forgot-her-papers of being a drug-seeker.

The laws may suck for people on both sides of the counter, but until they change, everyone did it right.  Heck, the pharmacy tech may see her in there every week.  It's all he can do - not fill the scrip unless someone's foolish enough to sign for it, hint strongly that signing for it is foolish, and fill it in the fool's name (with the legal consequences falling where they may -- anywhere but his employer is fine!) if she finds someone to sign for it.

^  Well, the funny thing was the pharmacist saw the whole thing and did nothing but shake his head in bemusement.  That's why I decided not to mention it.  I'm not gonna tell the pharmacist how to do his job.

When those bums said I didn't care about people like them I thought it was ironic because I probably had more compassion for people like them than anybody in that supermarket.  I've been down and out myself.  I found the social services in this area are pretty good.  I mean, the social safety net in Massachusetts sucks compared to what I think it should be, but if you need a social security card and a ride to the DMV, the Community Support workers will certainly help.  Furthermore, I'm sure her friend old John knows the ropes.  That's why I thought the lady might be an addict with a bogus scrip. 

Oh well, maybe I'll see 'em all in the funny papers!
::)


On balance of probabilities, I'd wager she wasn't - most patients who can afford the co-pays can afford $25 for ID, and that's probably what the tech felt too.  But if I were the pharmacy tech, I also wouldn't risk the lawsuit for accusing someone's dear-granny-who-forgot-her-papers of being a drug-seeker.


If you're on the state medicaid, Masshealth, scrips from generics run anywhere from ninety cents to three bucks.  Pretty cheap.  Name brand drugs might cost a whopping five or seven dollars.  I've gotten scrips for omeprozole from my GP.  Why should I pay $30 for OTC when I can get it for a dollar on prescription?

All I can say is I don't have a drivers llicense and it took me a while to remember that I can show them my ID when trey ask for a drivers licence.

I would not sign for someone else.  You could ask them if they know what an I D card is or something in case they don't know.

SANTA BUCKS
:D :D :D

I pocketed one these in change today.

http://celebrity-cash.com/catalog/images/santa.jpg

I missed it until the cashier and Dunkin' Donuts pointed it out when I tried to buy coffee with it.

Wondering if the treasury had a warning about the Santa Claus dollars, I Googled it and found a site selling them.  The site says they're legal tender and besides Santa you can also get Michael Jackson, Sylvester Stallone, Eddie Murphy, Alfred Hitchcock, and Mr. Bean. 

Weeeell, in all my forty-and-change I never heard of such thing!

I'm with the kid at the donut shop, I wouldn't honor cash with pictures of Santa on it either.  However, if I went to the bank and demanded a GW bill in exchange, would the bank be obliged to accept this "legal tender"?

(I hung this one on the refrigerator door for ho ho ho's)

However, if I went to the bank and demanded a GW bill in exchange, would the bank be obliged to accept this "legal tender"?



If you have the time, go ahead. I think it's silly, but I'm curious to find out is it is legal tender. Let us know.

SANTA BUCKS
:D :D :D

I pocketed one these in change today.

http://celebrity-cash.com/catalog/images/santa.jpg

I missed it until the cashier and Dunkin' Donuts pointed it out when I tried to buy coffee with it.

Wondering if the treasury had a warning about the Santa Claus dollars, I Googled it and found a site selling them.  The site says they're legal tender and besides Santa you can also get Michael Jackson, Sylvester Stallone, Eddie Murphy, Alfred Hitchcock, and Mr. Bean. 

Weeeell, in all my forty-and-change I never heard of such thing!

I'm with the kid at the donut shop, I wouldn't honor cash with pictures of Santa on it either.  However, if I went to the bank and demanded a GW bill in exchange, would the bank be obliged to accept this "legal tender"?

(I hung this one on the refrigerator door for ho ho ho's)


Wow a santa buck way cool.

Wow a santa buck way cool.


Yeah, we've moved from "in God we trust" to "In Satan Santa we trust" pretty fast.

Yeah, we've moved from "in God we trust" to "In Satan Santa we trust" pretty fast.


Then cashiers will wonder if Santa was a president on one of the bills. :D

Then cashiers will wonder if Santa was a president on one of the bills. :D


By just observing who the schools let graduate these days, I think that percentage might be higher than you think.

Wow a santa buck way cool.



I bet Max will sell it to you for a dollar!  :D

I bet Max will sell it to you for a dollar!  :D


It's worth as much as any other dollar!
::)

It's worth as much as any other dollar!
::)


Do they have it in gift cards?

SANTA BUCKS
:D :D :D

I pocketed one these in change today.

http://celebrity-cash.com/catalog/images/santa.jpg

I'm with the kid at the donut shop, I wouldn't honor cash with pictures of Santa on it either.  However, if I went to the bank and demanded a GW bill in exchange, would the bank be obliged to accept this "legal tender"?


If it's a Federal Reserve note that just happens to have some smudgy ink on its face, and the smudges just happen to resemble Santa, it might be "defaced", but as long there's no intent to defraud, it's still legal tender.  (I think you did it right -- it'd be worth more than $1.00 to have one of those on my fridge than in someone else's cash register.  If I were the donut guy, I'd have taken it as legal tender, added it to the till and swapped it for an undecorated $1 from my pocket as soon as you left :)

It sounds a bit like the Where's George project from the dot-com era (wow, they're still alive!)

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K54TVArrZZ4/TZ4CCyw9naI/AAAAAAAAAHE/aohdVUmAuho/s1600/wheresgeorge.jpg

I've seen a couple of Where's George bills in my day.  They're not on my fridge because, like paddle-to-the-sea, I wanted to put George back in the water to see where he showed up next.

If it's a Federal Reserve note that just happens to have some smudgy ink on its face, and the smudges just happen to resemble Santa, it might be "defaced", but as long there's no intent to defraud, it's still legal tender.  (I think you did it right -- it'd be worth more than $1.00 to have one of those on my fridge than in someone else's cash register.  If I were the donut guy, I'd have taken it as legal tender, added it to the till and swapped it for an undecorated $1 from my pocket as soon as you left :)

It sounds a bit like the Where's George project from the dot-com era (wow, they're still alive!)

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K54TVArrZZ4/TZ4CCyw9naI/AAAAAAAAAHE/aohdVUmAuho/s1600/wheresgeorge.jpg

I've seen a couple of Where's George bills in my day.  They're not on my fridge because, like paddle-to-the-sea, I wanted to put George back in the water to see where he showed up next.
There are still where's George...I just got one at school and someone asked me about it!

If it's a Federal Reserve note that just happens to have some smudgy ink on its face, and the smudges just happen to resemble Santa, it might be "defaced", but as long there's no intent to defraud, it's still legal tender.  (I think you did it right -- it'd be worth more than $1.00 to have one of those on my fridge than in someone else's cash register.  If I were the donut guy, I'd have taken it as legal tender, added it to the till and swapped it for an undecorated $1 from my pocket as soon as you left :)



I like your thinking, Foo Bar, Washington DC could use a man like you!
:)

It's the same thing I wondered about all that trash from the Franklin Mint.  It's "legal tender" but I wouldn't pay my taxes with it!  They call it "non-circulating legal tender," which seems oxymoronic.  If I see Santa Claus instead of Grant or Franklin, then I'm gonna be upset!

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/odd-currency-1.jpg?w=500&h=509

There are still where's George...I just got one at school and someone asked me about it!


How do you use Where's George?

How do you use Where's George?


You go to the website and enter the serial number of the bill.  It tracks all the places the bill "checks in"