Remember that thread I made about my nephew seeing me explode with anger because of my depression/anxiety? Well, it's been almost 3 years and nothing's changed between us. He doesn't talk to me like he does anymore and some of you guys say it's just his 'adolescent phase', but I don't see anything changing between us from now on. Our relationship is broke!

I'm sorry if any of you disagree with me and think it's all my fault, but I don't believe it. Depression/anxiety is hard to control all the time, especially since this happened before I took medication and got help!

My nephew is now 17 and a half and will turn 18 in November. 17 isn't really a little kid anymore so I don't think I can give him anymore excuses for his behavior. I am extremely hurt and don't think just because I'm a guy I don't have feelings or cry. I do. I really care about him, but I'm tired of trying to please someone when I obviously can't please them.

Maybe I did something in the past to deserve this? Maybe this is MY karma? And I'm getting my a$$ kicked and paying for a past mistake? I don't know.

Please don't judge me. If you want to hurt me, you don't have to try, I'm already hurt enough by my nephew. If you want to criticize me or give me advice, be gentle I'm begging you.

What should I do? Let him go at least in my head?

-Sad and crying 80sfan-

First off: I don't know you that well, and I don't know your nephew at all. So what I'm about to say could be miles off. Apologies beforehand if I offend you or your nephew in any way.

From what you wrote I get the impression that your life kinda revolves around your nephew. I sure hope I'm wrong there, because that would be...well, unwise, for lack of a better word.
That said, it is a delicate situation. You say you really care about your nephew, and you're trying to please him, but it seems like you may be trying too hard. Like you said: he is 17, going on 18, meaning he's growing up. He's making his own decisions, like you are making yours. If one of his decisions is to keep his distance, that should be respected.
It might also be that he's feeling insecure about himself and/or the whole situation. Maybe he's come to the realization that your relationship is a bit awkward, I don't know.  :-\\
What I do know is that trying to please him is not going to work. It doesn't work in ANY relationship. Just be yourself. And try to keep a distance...Tell your nephew you'll respect his choices, whatever they are, and that you'll always be there for him should he need you.

That's the best advice I can give you.

Just because he's turning 18 doesn't mean he's mature.  He may not yet be capable of the forgiveness you're asking of him.  If you feel you've done all you can to make things right then it's all you can do.  Give yourself a break.  He'll get there or he wont but that's on HIM now, not you. 

Just because he's turning 18 doesn't mean he's mature.  He may not yet be capable of the forgiveness you're asking of him.  If you feel you've done all you can to make things right then it's all you can do.  Give yourself a break.  He'll get there or he wont but that's on HIM now, not you.


Thanks Ladybug!
Writing this thread made me feel better. Most days I'm good, but once in a while I wonder why he's being this way, that's all.

First off: I don't know you that well, and I don't know your nephew at all. So what I'm about to say could be miles off. Apologies beforehand if I offend you or your nephew in any way.

From what you wrote I get the impression that your life kinda revolves around your nephew. I sure hope I'm wrong there, because that would be...well, unwise, for lack of a better word.
That said, it is a delicate situation. You say you really care about your nephew, and you're trying to please him, but it seems like you may be trying too hard. Like you said: he is 17, going on 18, meaning he's growing up. He's making his own decisions, like you are making yours. If one of his decisions is to keep his distance, that should be respected.
It might also be that he's feeling insecure about himself and/or the whole situation. Maybe he's come to the realization that your relationship is a bit awkward, I don't know.  :-\\
What I do know is that trying to please him is not going to work. It doesn't work in ANY relationship. Just be yourself. And try to keep a distance...Tell your nephew you'll respect his choices, whatever they are, and that you'll always be there for him should he need you.

That's the best advice I can give you.


Our relationship isn't awkward at all. But I can see why you would see it as that. But our relationship as family members did change after that incident. He's been more distant and detached. I sometimes forget I wasn't exactly easy to get along with when I was 17.  :)

First off: I don't know you that well, and I don't know your nephew at all. So what I'm about to say could be miles off. Apologies beforehand if I offend you or your nephew in any way.

From what you wrote I get the impression that your life kinda revolves around your nephew. I sure hope I'm wrong there, because that would be...well, unwise, for lack of a better word.
That said, it is a delicate situation. You say you really care about your nephew, and you're trying to please him, but it seems like you may be trying too hard. Like you said: he is 17, going on 18, meaning he's growing up. He's making his own decisions, like you are making yours. If one of his decisions is to keep his distance, that should be respected.
It might also be that he's feeling insecure about himself and/or the whole situation. Maybe he's come to the realization that your relationship is a bit awkward, I don't know.  :-\\
What I do know is that trying to please him is not going to work. It doesn't work in ANY relationship. Just be yourself. And try to keep a distance...Tell your nephew you'll respect his choices, whatever they are, and that you'll always be there for him should he need you.

That's the best advice I can give you.


Well, I'm fine most of the time. But once in a while I am upset about how we've grown apart. But then again, he is at that age where he wants independence.

I wouldn't say that my life revolves around him, but I'm just upset like I said above. Wouldn't you be at least a little bit hurt if someone you were once close to just decided to distance themselves from you?

I agree with most of what you said though.

Our relationship isn't awkward at all. But I can see why you would see it as that. But our relationship as family members did change after that incident. He's been more distant and detached. I sometimes forget I wasn't exactly easy to get along with when I was 17.  :)



Well, I'm fine most of the time. But once in a while I am upset about how we've grown apart. But then again, he is at that age where he wants independence.

I wouldn't say that my life revolves around him, but I'm just upset like I said above. Wouldn't you be at least a little bit hurt if someone you were once close to just decided to distance themselves from you?

I agree with most of what you said though.


I don't have the time to respond right now, but I'll get back on this. Not judging you, just trying to get a complete picture. :)

I have a nephew that I used to be REALLY close to, but the past couple of years he has really pulled away from me too, and it's heartbreaking.  He is 19. 

For my part, I just try to make sure he knows that I love him unconditionally, and that I'm always there.  I figure he will come around when he is ready. 

Also, when you are his age, your life pretty much revolves around your friends, not so much your family.  He is more than likely distancing himself from everyone in your family - at least in one way or another.

Lastly, I go on and off the board, so I don't know what happened 3 years ago...wanna link the original thread or maybe give us a brief explanation?

I can totally relate with how you feel about your nephew in a way, I have 4 nephews and a niece back in Lincoln and they're some of my favorite people in the world to hang out with. (My oldest nephew and my niece are about the same age as you, I wonder if perhaps you might have went to the same school with them. PM me if you like.) I've always gotten along well with my nephews but not always so well with my niece. And I guess part of the reason I didn't always get along with my niece is that I have an uncle who used to tease all his nephews and nieces (in a good-natured way) and I kind of felt that was my role as well. My nephews are all tough kids so it didn't really bother them, but I think my niece kind of resented me for picking on her because she's always been a little mature beyond her years and maybe she didn't think I treated her with enough respect.

About 2 or 3 weeks back, she and her boyfriend and another friend came down to Kansas City to see the band Cake and they invited me along. (Great show, BTW.) And after the show we all went out for a few drinks and I just kind of hung back and went along for the ride and just let them do what they felt like, and they all seemed to appreciate it. Instead of treating her like a kid I instead respected her as an adult and I had the best time I've ever had hanging out with her. Not to mention that her boyfriend is a really good young man and he treats her like gold and I was really happy to get to know him better.

I read through your other post and I can't claim to know the entire backstory of what happened between you and your nephew, but I can tell you that once you get older, 5 years begins to be not all that much of an age difference. I have friends that are 5-10 years older than me and 5-10 years younger, and when you reach a certain point, age doesn't matter all that much anymore. We all respect each other as equals. I kind of wonder if you still might think of your nephew as a little kid and perhaps he might resent you a little bit for that, and I'm not claiming to know the whole situation but I'm thinking that maybe your best bet is to slowly regain his trust and once you do, try to build a relationship with him that's based on mutual respect.

Because when I think about my really close friends, mutual respect is what it's all about. Again I don't know the entire situation but I hope I can help a little. Good luck!  :)

I can totally relate with how you feel about your nephew in a way, I have 4 nephews and a niece back in Lincoln and they're some of my favorite people in the world to hang out with. (My oldest nephew and my niece are about the same age as you, I wonder if perhaps you might have went to the same school with them. PM me if you like.) I've always gotten along well with my nephews but not always so well with my niece. And I guess part of the reason I didn't always get along with my niece is that I have an uncle who used to tease all his nephews and nieces (in a good-natured way) and I kind of felt that was my role as well. My nephews are all tough kids so it didn't really bother them, but I think my niece kind of resented me for picking on her because she's always been a little mature beyond her years and maybe she didn't think I treated her with enough respect.

About 2 or 3 weeks back, she and her boyfriend and another friend came down to Kansas City to see the band Cake and they invited me along. (Great show, BTW.) And after the show we all went out for a few drinks and I just kind of hung back and went along for the ride and just let them do what they felt like, and they all seemed to appreciate it. Instead of treating her like a kid I instead respected her as an adult and I had the best time I've ever had hanging out with her. Not to mention that her boyfriend is a really good young man and he treats her like gold and I was really happy to get to know him better.

I read through your other post and I can't claim to know the entire backstory of what happened between you and your nephew, but I can tell you that once you get older, 5 years begins to be not all that much of an age difference. I have friends that are 5-10 years older than me and 5-10 years younger, and when you reach a certain point, age doesn't matter all that much anymore. We all respect each other as equals. I kind of wonder if you still might think of your nephew as a little kid and perhaps he might resent you a little bit for that, and I'm not claiming to know the whole situation but I'm thinking that maybe your best bet is to slowly regain his trust and once you do, try to build a relationship with him that's based on mutual respect.

Because when I think about my really close friends, mutual respect is what it's all about. Again I don't know the entire situation but I hope I can help a little. Good luck!  :)


He is 19, and thanks for sharing!

I have a nephew that I used to be REALLY close to, but the past couple of years he has really pulled away from me too, and it's heartbreaking.  He is 19. 

For my part, I just try to make sure he knows that I love him unconditionally, and that I'm always there.  I figure he will come around when he is ready. 

Also, when you are his age, your life pretty much revolves around your friends, not so much your family.  He is more than likely distancing himself from everyone in your family - at least in one way or another.

Lastly, I go on and off the board, so I don't know what happened 3 years ago...wanna link the original thread or maybe give us a brief explanation?


Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!  :)

http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?topic=43701.0

That may help some, not sure if there was an earlier post?

I really do not know what to say except to reiterate what others have said.  17 is nowhere close to mature (and could be less mature than 14 in some aspects)

At 17 kids are going through so many changes; the ending of school career and going on to the unknown...  At that age, the teenager is "cutting apron strings" and detaching himself with any who are deemed his dependents. Bringing heartache an a lot of different fronts.

And they are absorbed in themselves, their friends, and their status for whatever it is.  There are not many heartfelt conversations, perhaps a few but few and far between.  Partly for the reason above.  They are trying to gain autonomy and fend for themselves. 

It may or not ever be the same.  It may have never have... All you can do us accept it for what it is.  Understand you cannot change it, be gracious and forgive... Move on, don't make the same mistake twice, and let it go.  Don't force the situation.  For a 17 year old it could be deemed as "creepy" for lack of better word; making him even more stand offish. 

I don't have the time to respond right now, but I'll get back on this. Not judging you, just trying to get a complete picture. :)


I've since read the topic you started about a year ago, and that has answered a lot of my questions.
In addition, others have shared their thoughts and comments and I've not much to add to that.

For what it's worth: I happen to have 14-year old nephew myself (he'll be turning 15 this summer), and we get along quite well. I'd like it to stay that way, but at the same time I know he's growing up and he'll be changing. Unfortunately his father is not much of an example, so I think he's looking up to me. That's some rather heavy responsibility... Have you ever thought about it that way - that your nephew might be looking up to you? ??? Just asking.
Also, I may have misused the word 'awkward' to describe your relationship - sorry about that.

http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?topic=43701.0

That may help some, not sure if there was an earlier post?

I really do not know what to say except to reiterate what others have said.  17 is nowhere close to mature (and could be less mature than 14 in some aspects)

At 17 kids are going through so many changes; the ending of school career and going on to the unknown...  At that age, the teenager is "cutting apron strings" and detaching himself with any who are deemed his dependents. Bringing heartache an a lot of different fronts.

And they are absorbed in themselves, their friends, and their status for whatever it is.  There are not many heartfelt conversations, perhaps a few but few and far between.  Partly for the reason above.  They are trying to gain autonomy and fend for themselves. 

It may or not ever be the same.  It may have never have... All you can do us accept it for what it is.  Understand you cannot change it, be gracious and forgive... Move on, don't make the same mistake twice, and let it go.  Don't force the situation.  For a 17 year old it could be deemed as "creepy" for lack of better word; making him even more stand offish.


Yeah, I don't know about forgive. But I will move on!  :) I won't 'forgive' until there's an apology or at least a sense of remorse. I use to forgive people easily until I learned some people don't deserve it or they're just playing 'hardball'. I will always care about him, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be easy on him either.