I know most of my posts are complete nonsense, but I'm having a tough time right now in my life and hoping somebody can relate to how I feel or convince me that I'm just being silly...

Sometimes I truly think that I am just completely insignificant.  Like I do not matter.  All my life, I've been told how thoughtful I am, but I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.  It's evident in my friends' actions, some of my family, even my partner.  Sometimes I think that some people just weren't meant to be born... like, they exist, but they're not really supposed to be here.  I feel like I'm one of those people.  I know that sounds crazy and probably suicidal but I'm not that in that mindset, just pretty darn down today.  My friends are constantly excluding me from their plans, none of my extended family could give a damn about me, even though they pretend to be happy to see me at family functions.  Ugh... I could go on and on.

Even strangers treat me like crap.  I truly feel invisible sometimes.

I know most of my posts are complete nonsense, but I'm having a tough time right now in my life and hoping somebody can relate to how I feel or convince me that I'm just being silly...

Sometimes I truly think that I am just completely insignificant.  Like I do not matter.  All my life, I've been told how thoughtful I am, but I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.  It's evident in my friends' actions, some of my family, even my partner.  Sometimes I think that some people just weren't meant to be born... like, they exist, but they're not really supposed to be here.  I feel like I'm one of those people.  I know that sounds crazy and probably suicidal but I'm not that in that mindset, just pretty darn down today.  My friends are constantly excluding me from their plans, none of my extended family could give a damn about me, even though they pretend to be happy to see me at family functions.  Ugh... I could go on and on.

Even strangers treat me like crap.  I truly feel invisible sometimes.

I know how you feel. Lots of time i feel like nobody cares what I have to say. Just know that you have friends out there that love you and lots of people feel the same way. I use to have a dream that I went to my own grave and the stone read : Here lies what the Hells her name again.

I could totally see my tombstone saying that too!  That is, if I even get a tombstone.  :D

As stupid and childish as this is, it even trickles down to Facebook... almost every friend I have on there, I had to request.  Very very rarely do I get a friend request from anyone which tells me nobody thinks of me or cares to contact me. 

What am I, 14?  I'm acting like a big baby but it gets old sometimes.

I could totally see my tombstone saying that too!  That is, if I even get a tombstone.   :D

As stupid and childish as this is, it even trickles down to Facebook... almost every friend I have on there, I had to request.  Very very rarely do I get a friend request from anyone which tells me nobody thinks of me or cares to contact me. 

What am I, 14?  I'm acting like a big baby but it gets old sometimes.

My account use to belong to my daughter, so I think over 600 friends she had on before I took over. Lot of people added me because I do things like Farmville. I had to ask all the classmates myself no one asked me. :-\\
Sometimes I think songs like "Send In The Clowns" are just perfect for me  ;D

I know most of my posts are complete nonsense, but I'm having a tough time right now in my life and hoping somebody can relate to how I feel or convince me that I'm just being silly...

Sometimes I truly think that I am just completely insignificant.  Like I do not matter.  All my life, I've been told how thoughtful I am, but I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.  It's evident in my friends' actions, some of my family, even my partner.  Sometimes I think that some people just weren't meant to be born... like, they exist, but they're not really supposed to be here.  I feel like I'm one of those people.  I know that sounds crazy and probably suicidal but I'm not that in that mindset, just pretty darn down today.  My friends are constantly excluding me from their plans, none of my extended family could give a damn about me, even though they pretend to be happy to see me at family functions.  Ugh... I could go on and on.

Even strangers treat me like crap.  I truly feel invisible sometimes.



I totally understand how you feel.

Being the youngest out of 6, I have always felt like I have gotten the short end of the stick.


Sometimes with Carlos' kids, I'm just the step-mother and I don't count. At Carlos' youngest's wedding, she danced with her mother, father (Carlos) and her step-father but I wasn't acknowledged at all. That hurt me so bad, I can't even tell you how much.

This is not an exaggeration in any way but one time, there were about 6 or 7 of us who went into an IHOP somewhere in California. We sat in a booth and I was in the middle. The waitress came and took everyone's order but mine.  :o :o :o :o  Carlos called her back and said that she missed me and told her what I wanted. Then everyone's food arrived and you can guess-mine didn't. She didn't write it down when Carlos told her. It was like I was TOTALLY invisible.

I really hope you know that you do have friends here-who you are NOT invisible to. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Cat

Thanks so much Cat.  I guess I thought it would make me feel better to know that other people felt that way too, but all it really does is make me feel bad for anyone else that it happens to :lol:  I'm sorry you feel that way.  And I'm sure that was very hurtful what happened to you at that wedding.  Thanks for the offer to chat, I may take you up on that.  I can totally relate to the situations you've described here.  Unfortunately I spend my life with someone who would find humor in that restaurant scenario you described.  Not directly laughing at me, but I can see it in his face, he enjoys it.  :\'(

Thanks so much Cat.  I guess I thought it would make me feel better to know that other people felt that way too, but all it really does is make me feel bad for anyone else that it happens to :lol:  I'm sorry you feel that way.  And I'm sure that was very hurtful what happened to you at that wedding.  Thanks for the offer to chat, I may take you up on that.  I can totally relate to the situations you've described here.  Unfortunately I spend my life with someone who would find humor in that restaurant scenario you described.  Not directly laughing at me, but I can see it in his face, he enjoys it.  :\'(



So your partner would laugh at your pain? Sounds like a bit of a sadist to me. I hope he has some qualities that make him worthy of keeping around.



Cat

I'm one of them, SirBillzy, I mean I feel myself as a ghost in a world of zombies. And I don't regreat it at all. Most of what means anything to me has no interest to anyone else around I live.
People usually eat watching TV, most of them watch tv till they fall asleep, so no harm done if you don't speak at all.
When there's a chat at work the more people gathers the worse becomes theme and conversation ( usually cars, money and hotties ).

 If one of the main purposes of chatting is getting ideas and clues of someone else's experiences for doing better your own actions and projects, I just need people alike me, no matters where they are, and they're not frequently nearby but far, to help me soar in this world.

Hence, I feel strange when I'm among others who don't think, feel and say vaguely close to me. Maybe I'm fed up of being casual in relationships. I know time quickly fades away, so I got no spare second to spend in meaningless things with people who doesn't share any mainstream with me.

In other hand I must say yes!, every now and then I feel invisible, cause a waiter ignores me at the counter, or a wicked customer asks for her purchase forgetting I joined first the queue, GRRRRRRRRRR.

Finally, being invisible in a world of blinds it's not a shame my dear Sirbillzy.

Blinds of heart and soul not in one or two eyes.

A hug my pal, as did Cat

I think it's a dark side of human nature. I think about 30-40 percent of people are innately selfish and only care about people who can bring them some advantage. They're not conscious of it, but they're selfish.

There are a lot of good people in the world, but there are also a lot of selfish people in the world and they don't pay attention to you until you have money, good looks, or something that they want or need!

I am one of these people that are invisible and my interests don't match up with the collective.

-80sfan-

All the time Bill...keep your head up

Been there, felt that, will again.  The best thing you can do for yourself is step back and realize that it is them, not you.  Go and find people who appreciate you, they are out there(they are right here).  ;)

I know most of my posts are complete nonsense, but I'm having a tough time right now in my life and hoping somebody can relate to how I feel or convince me that I'm just being silly...

Sometimes I truly think that I am just completely insignificant.  Like I do not matter.  All my life, I've been told how thoughtful I am, but I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.  It's evident in my friends' actions, some of my family, even my partner.  Sometimes I think that some people just weren't meant to be born... like, they exist, but they're not really supposed to be here.  I feel like I'm one of those people.  I know that sounds crazy and probably suicidal but I'm not that in that mindset, just pretty darn down today.  My friends are constantly excluding me from their plans, none of my extended family could give a damn about me, even though they pretend to be happy to see me at family functions.  Ugh... I could go on and on.

Even strangers treat me like crap.  I truly feel invisible sometimes.


Totally.  I am so sorry you are feeling this way, it is no fun.  What everyone else has said is good, all I can offer you is {{{hugs}}} and karma. 

FWIW, you are not invisible here.  You are a welcome part of our community.  :)

fYI I would friend you on FB but I don't know how to find you.

Trust me Sir Billzy, you are not invisible here!  ;D :)

I notice when you post.

Sometimes people don't listen to a word I say and I think they're ignorant when I ask them for their reply.

fYI I would friend you on FB but I don't know how to find you.


What Q said. :)

Sometimes people don't listen to a word I say and I think they're ignorant when I ask them for their reply.


I always read your comments on here Howard. 8)

I always read your comments on here Howard. 8)


Thanks and Karma.  :)

I know most of my posts are complete nonsense, but I'm having a tough time right now in my life and hoping somebody can relate to how I feel or convince me that I'm just being silly...

Sometimes I truly think that I am just completely insignificant.  Like I do not matter.  All my life, I've been told how thoughtful I am, but I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.  It's evident in my friends' actions, some of my family, even my partner.  Sometimes I think that some people just weren't meant to be born... like, they exist, but they're not really supposed to be here.  I feel like I'm one of those people.  I know that sounds crazy and probably suicidal but I'm not that in that mindset, just pretty darn down today.  My friends are constantly excluding me from their plans, none of my extended family could give a damn about me, even though they pretend to be happy to see me at family functions.  Ugh... I could go on and on.

Even strangers treat me like crap.  I truly feel invisible sometimes.


My friend, you describe how I feel most of the time.  I'm a long-term survivor of major depression and severe anxiety disorder.  

Indeed, life is a party and I'm not invited.  All my life I've been told I'm no goddam good and fug off.  There's a whole world of trades, trinkets, shibboleths, passwords, and know-how and left outside it all.  My immediate family is fraught with addictions, mental illness, and suicide.  They tend to make me feel even more benighted.  

Thank you all for your replies.  I'm amazed by how many people feel the same way I do.  It's a shame for anyone to feel that way.  I think you're all awesome.  Maybe it's all in our heads?  I hope so.

For anyone who wants to find me on Facebook, how do I point you inthe right directioN?  I have the most common name ever... Bill Smith  ;D

Thank you all for your replies.  I'm amazed by how many people feel the same way I do.  It's a shame for anyone to feel that way.  I think you're all awesome.  Maybe it's all in our heads?  I hope so.

For anyone who wants to find me on Facebook, how do I point you inthe right directioN?  I have the most common name ever... Bill Smith  ;D


oh man.... you know how many of those are on fb?  ;D


I see a Bill Smith who's a mutual friend of a comic I "know" Suzanne Monk....is that you?  Otherwise you gotta narrw it down for me a bit bud!  :D

oh man.... you know how many of those are on fb?  ;D


I see a Bill Smith who's a mutual friend of a comic I "know" Suzanne Monk....is that you?  Otherwise you gotta narrw it down for me a bit bud!  :D

I found a Bill Smith that's Erin's friend also.

I found a Bill Smith that's Erin's friend also.


That's me!!

I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.


You say that like it's a bad thing.

Once I realized how often people thought of me, I stopped caring what they thought of me.

Sure, if you overdo it, you'll end up as one of those selfish bastards like me, but even that can be kinda fun.

My immediate family is fraught with addictions, mental illness, and suicide.  They tend to make me feel even more benighted. 


Again with the saying-it-like-its-a-bad-thing.  From where I sit, that just makes you the sanest one of the bunch.

That's me!!

:)

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Once I realized how often people thought of me, I stopped caring what they thought of me.

Sure, if you overdo it, you'll end up as one of those selfish bastards like me, but even that can be kinda fun.

Again with the saying-it-like-its-a-bad-thing.  From where I sit, that just makes you the sanest one of the bunch.


Cute shot, but wide of the mark.  I'm afraid I must introduce you to:

CO-DEPENDENT MADNESS

If I could hold down a job and keep myself financially secure, a lot of my family angst would be more bearable.  

As it is, I feel I am being dragged down with them.  I lost one sister to suicide a year ago.  My other sister is a witchy horrorshow who channels the voice of her late husband (now an angel) who tells her the disturbing secrets of the universe.  She smokes copious amounts of MJ everyday, which aides the channeling bullshirt.  She is permitted only to divulge the fact that the channeled voices tell her the stygian fate of the human race, but forbids her to provide any details.  Her kid, now 12, oscillates between utter dependence on my sister and searing hatred for her at the same time.  My niece is mildly autistic with an artistic gift that could really shine if she was being properly schooled in her artistic endeavors, but she's not.  Within the year their shouting matches will turn violent as this wrathful young teenager starts to challenge mom for physical dominance.  My other niece is in the custody of my late sister's ex-husband.  She's actually more balanced and together than her cousin, but I never see her because her father has buyer's remorse about marrying into my unhappy genetic line and doesn't want to see any of us.  Can't really blame him, though he IS a besotted know-it-all.

My mother is semi-retired.  My sister's suicide really took a lot of the wind out of her sails.  She helps me out with money when she can.  I feel guilty about the whole thing.  Her faculties have gone a bit soft.  She doesn't think she can do anything at all about my batsh*t crazy sister and her vicious relationship with the granddaughter.  

I myself was helping my sister with yardwork and chores over at her place, which I was happy to do, but last time I was there sis flew into such wobbling rage at me that I have no incentive to go back.  She yells at me about what a rotten ingrate I've been to her and the family, and how I just sit around and feel sorry for myself.  I didn't say anything other than she shouldn't mock me and jeer at me, which she does all the time.  This made the steam shoot out her ears and the tears fire down her ruddy cheeks as she howled a freight train of profanity.  
"Do you have to use so many curse words?," I deadpanned.  
"Yes, and F**K YOU!  There's only so much a person can take before she's gotta blow off steam, don't you think?"
"No, ma'am.  I don't agree.  Not like that.  You can just stand there and feel angry then go deal with it in a less destructive way."
"Oh, is that what you do, Mr. Sanctimonious Catholic?"
"Yes'm.  Now, I don't cotton to be called sanctimonious..."
"Yeah, but you are f**king sanctimonious.  You sit there on aloof on that little pinnacle of self-pity with your arms crossed sneering at me!"
Sis folds her arms and draws down the corners of her mouth aping my composure.
"What did I say about that mocking me business?"
"I'm not mocking you.  Were do you get this idea I MOCK you? What the f**K?"
"What you did just there, lampooning my demeanor, I mean, are you unconscious of it?  Anyway, I'm not sneering, I'm sulking."
"Oh, that.  I do that with EVERYBODY.  It's a kind of feedback I give."
"No'm.  It's mean, juvenile lampooning and it drives friends away from you.  You've been doing it since you were five, and it's got to stop."
"Uh-uh, little bro', you don't get to come into MY house and tell ME how to live!  Those days are over!"
"All right then."
"To think, all the confidences I've shared with you.  I turned you onto God.  I shared my money with you when you were flat broke so you wouldn't get evicted,
and now you say that I MOCK you.  You complained about Nana and Grandpa for all that time they supported you, you just don't know how to appreciate anybody.
You think the rules that apply to f**king normal people don't apply to you.  You feel sorry for yourself.  You sit around all day thinking about how the family has wronged you, you act
as if the S----s were sitting here and I was one of them.  You know, f**k you!"
"Uh-huh, I...see," I mutter, realizing Sis's wrath is spiraling beyond any human control.

The S----s family are my mother's sister E------ and her family -- my uncle and their two grown daughters.  That family has been nothing but kind and supportive to me and to Sis, especially after our other sibling's suicide in August of 2010.  The one thing my aunt and my cousins did do was confront Sis on her ATROCIOUS parenting skills.  The act of prosecuting such an officious premise earned the lot of them a high ranking on Sis's sh*tlist.  My cousin R------ told me matter-of-factly she never wanted to see Sis again after Sis got so mad during a family spat that she attacked their car, pounding the windows and trying to get at her niece who enraged her daughter and Sis by extension because she said she just wanted to spend time with her father and my cousins.  Sis pounded on the roof and windows and screamed blue murder at M----- and wouldn't let go of the car even as it started to drive off!  

So...my cousins come up from NYC to see us.  I can't blame them for not wanting to see Sis ever again.  I did tell R------- on the phone that if she wanted to continue to see my niece A-----, she would have to patch things up with Sis.  I was saying so even though the last thing I wanted to was follow my own prescription.  

I caught a mental snapshot of Sis sitting across from me at her kitchen table.  Frazzled hair awry.  Pockmarked skin unkempt.  Eyes bloodshot and frantic.  It was like looking at picture from one of the old snakepit asylums.  Spooked me good.

I see my father and stepmother once in a great while.  They're always glad to see me and I can put aside the incalculable damage the old man did to my life.  I'll tell you, he still makes you feel dumb because he's got his entire Ivy League doctoral classical education behind him and he's so futtin' pedantic, but it's bearable for a weekend.  He always tells me he loves me and he misses me.  He knows at a gut level he took the adolescent and early adult Eriksonian stages I was building and burned them down to the ground, to once, not twice, but five times, and now I go through life absent Initiative, Industry, Identity, Intimacy, and Generativity.  My stepbrother and sister-in-law are loving people, though she's a terrible lush.  S------ harbors some little brother resentment towards me, but we can deal with it.  They live far away in Upstate New York, so I don't see them very often.

My marketable skills were never in high demand to start with, and I haven't been gainfully employed in nearly three years.  I live in a pittance from SSDI and occasional hand outs from family.  I'm seeking work through state agencies, but funds have been cut to hell, and the situation's about to get much worse even if they manage to raise the debt ceiling in time.

I swore to mother I would not let anything estrange me from Sis.  It's a commitment I don't know that I can keep.  I'm getting older and I am, oh so very tired of four decades on the dysfunctional family Catherine Wheel.  Yet, in my trap of chronic unemplooyment, no credit privileges, and dwindling cash reserves, I can't just pick up and move to Portland, Oregon, which I might do If I could.

As I get older, doors shut.  New ones do not open.  I can't see myself living to my fiftieth birthday.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/09/smhair.gif

I always identified with the rage in John Bender's impression of his father, except my Dad
said the same things couched in a William F. Buckley manner, though he was -- as we all were --
fond of saying F**K YOU!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8vqlhi3QQw

Actually I feel rather invisible most of the time.  I've always been, not shy exactly, but I don't even know the name for it.  Because I've always been a big woman, in order to stay off the radar of anyone that might want to pick on me or make fun of me, I've learned to blend into the background.  I have never been good at making friends (well, not anyone local to go to the movies with or art museums or whatnot.) 

Over the years, my hearing has gotten so bad that I can barely hear anything that isn't a shout.  It certainly isn't condusive to intimate conversation in a restaurant.  I've tried various sound amplifiers that really don't work well. 

My husband on the other hand, is gregarious.  He is very at ease in talking to people.  He's so good at talking that even when we talk, he will interrupt me or talk over me (I don't think he realizes that he even does it.)  It is just the way he was raised (In order to be heard in his family, you have to shout and talk over others.)

My mother has replaced me with a lady that was once her neighbor.  She talks to me about her constantly.  She takes the lady's kids and has them spend the night.  She takes them everywhere (even to our family reunion.)  If they want anything, she buys it for them immediately.  But will complain to me about buying it.  I know it sounds like I'm jealous, but I don't feel like I am.  I just don't understand why she does what she does and knowing how I was raised.  I guess if I understood, then I'd feel better. 

Long story short, I do often feel invisible, maybe that isn't such a bad thing, but it is a lonely thing at times.

My friend, you describe how I feel most of the time.  I'm a long-term survivor of major depression and severe anxiety disorder.  

Indeed, life is a party and I'm not invited.  All my life I've been told I'm no goddam good and fug off.  There's a whole world of trades, trinkets, shibboleths, passwords, and know-how and left outside it all.  My immediate family is fraught with addictions, mental illness, and suicide.  They tend to make me feel even more benighted.  




Wow,it must've been very difficult?  ???

Actually I feel rather invisible most of the time.  I've always been, not shy exactly, but I don't even know the name for it.  Because I've always been a big woman, in order to stay off the radar of anyone that might want to pick on me or make fun of me, I've learned to blend into the background.  I have never been good at making friends (well, not anyone local to go to the movies with or art museums or whatnot.) 

Over the years, my hearing has gotten so bad that I can barely hear anything that isn't a shout.  It certainly isn't condusive to intimate conversation in a restaurant.  I've tried various sound amplifiers that really don't work well. 

My husband on the other hand, is gregarious.  He is very at ease in talking to people.  He's so good at talking that even when we talk, he will interrupt me or talk over me (I don't think he realizes that he even does it.)  It is just the way he was raised (In order to be heard in his family, you have to shout and talk over others.)

My mother has replaced me with a lady that was once her neighbor.  She talks to me about her constantly.  She takes the lady's kids and has them spend the night.  She takes them everywhere (even to our family reunion.)  If they want anything, she buys it for them immediately.  But will complain to me about buying it.  I know it sounds like I'm jealous, but I don't feel like I am.  I just don't understand why she does what she does and knowing how I was raised.  I guess if I understood, then I'd feel better. 

Long story short, I do often feel invisible, maybe that isn't such a bad thing, but it is a lonely thing at times.

I know how you feel Patty, as I am a large woman myself. I feel self conscious in group situations and have to get the courage up to talk to people. Lucky for me my husband is not a people person so we don't go out and mingle at all.
It does get sad and lonely especially when your at family functions and hardly anyone in your family talks to you.

I know how you feel Patty, as I am a large woman myself. I feel self conscious in group situations and have to get the courage up to talk to people. Lucky for me my husband is not a people person so we don't go out and mingle at all.
It does get sad and lonely especially when your at family functions and hardly anyone in your family talks to you.


why don't they talk to you?

why don't they talk to you?

Not really, a few will say hi and maybe ask about my family, but unless I go talk to them others don't acknowledge me at all.

Thank you all for your replies.  I'm amazed by how many people feel the same way I do.  It's a shame for anyone to feel that way.  I think you're all awesome.  Maybe it's all in our heads?  I hope so.

For anyone who wants to find me on Facebook, how do I point you inthe right directioN?  I have the most common name ever... Bill Smith  ;D



OMG!! That was my step-father's name. One time, we were staying in a motel (I can't remember why) and went up to the desk and said, "We have a reservation from Brown." He then looked at my mother and said, "Oh no, that's right. We are using Smith this week."  :D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

Cute shot, but wide of the mark.  I'm afraid I must introduce you to:

CO-DEPENDENT MADNESS

If I could hold down a job and keep myself financially secure, a lot of my family angst would be more bearable.  

As it is, I feel I am being dragged down with them.  I lost one sister to suicide a year ago.  My other sister is a witchy horrorshow who channels the voice of her late husband (now an angel) who tells her the disturbing secrets of the universe.  She smokes copious amounts of MJ everyday, which aides the channeling bullshirt.  She is permitted only to divulge the fact that the channeled voices tell her the stygian fate of the human race, but forbids her to provide any details.  Her kid, now 12, oscillates between utter dependence on my sister and searing hatred for her at the same time.  My niece is mildly autistic with an artistic gift that could really shine if she was being properly schooled in her artistic endeavors, but she's not.  Within the year their shouting matches will turn violent as this wrathful young teenager starts to challenge mom for physical dominance.  My other niece is in the custody of my late sister's ex-husband.  She's actually more balanced and together than her cousin, but I never see her because her father has buyer's remorse about marrying into my unhappy genetic line and doesn't want to see any of us.  Can't really blame him, though he IS a besotted know-it-all.

My mother is semi-retired.  My sister's suicide really took a lot of the wind out of her sails.  She helps me out with money when she can.  I feel guilty about the whole thing.  Her faculties have gone a bit soft.  She doesn't think she can do anything at all about my batsh*t crazy sister and her vicious relationship with the granddaughter.  

I myself was helping my sister with yardwork and chores over at her place, which I was happy to do, but last time I was there sis flew into such wobbling rage at me that I have no incentive to go back.  She yells at me about what a rotten ingrate I've been to her and the family, and how I just sit around and feel sorry for myself.  I didn't say anything other than she shouldn't mock me and jeer at me, which she does all the time.  This made the steam shoot out her ears and the tears fire down her ruddy cheeks as she howled a freight train of profanity.  
"Do you have to use so many curse words?," I deadpanned.  
"Yes, and F**K YOU!  There's only so much a person can take before she's gotta blow off steam, don't you think?"
"No, ma'am.  I don't agree.  Not like that.  You can just stand there and feel angry then go deal with it in a less destructive way."
"Oh, is that what you do, Mr. Sanctimonious Catholic?"
"Yes'm.  Now, I don't cotton to be called sanctimonious..."
"Yeah, but you are f**king sanctimonious.  You sit there on aloof on that little pinnacle of self-pity with your arms crossed sneering at me!"
Sis folds her arms and draws down the corners of her mouth aping my composure.
"What did I say about that mocking me business?"
"I'm not mocking you.  Were do you get this idea I MOCK you? What the f**K?"
"What you did just there, lampooning my demeanor, I mean, are you unconscious of it?  Anyway, I'm not sneering, I'm sulking."
"Oh, that.  I do that with EVERYBODY.  It's a kind of feedback I give."
"No'm.  It's mean, juvenile lampooning and it drives friends away from you.  You've been doing it since you were five, and it's got to stop."
"Uh-uh, little bro', you don't get to come into MY house and tell ME how to live!  Those days are over!"
"All right then."
"To think, all the confidences I've shared with you.  I turned you onto God.  I shared my money with you when you were flat broke so you wouldn't get evicted,
and now you say that I MOCK you.  You complained about Nana and Grandpa for all that time they supported you, you just don't know how to appreciate anybody.
You think the rules that apply to f**king normal people don't apply to you.  You feel sorry for yourself.  You sit around all day thinking about how the family has wronged you, you act
as if the S----s were sitting here and I was one of them.  You know, f**k you!"
"Uh-huh, I...see," I mutter, realizing Sis's wrath is spiraling beyond any human control.

The S----s family are my mother's sister E------ and her family -- my uncle and their two grown daughters.  That family has been nothing but kind and supportive to me and to Sis, especially after our other sibling's suicide in August of 2010.  The one thing my aunt and my cousins did do was confront Sis on her ATROCIOUS parenting skills.  The act of prosecuting such an officious premise earned the lot of them a high ranking on Sis's sh*tlist.  My cousin R------ told me matter-of-factly she never wanted to see Sis again after Sis got so mad during a family spat that she attacked their car, pounding the windows and trying to get at her niece who enraged her daughter and Sis by extension because she said she just wanted to spend time with her father and my cousins.  Sis pounded on the roof and windows and screamed blue murder at M----- and wouldn't let go of the car even as it started to drive off!  

So...my cousins come up from NYC to see us.  I can't blame them for not wanting to see Sis ever again.  I did tell R------- on the phone that if she wanted to continue to see my niece A-----, she would have to patch things up with Sis.  I was saying so even though the last thing I wanted to was follow my own prescription.  

I caught a mental snapshot of Sis sitting across from me at her kitchen table.  Frazzled hair awry.  Pockmarked skin unkempt.  Eyes bloodshot and frantic.  It was like looking at picture from one of the old snakepit asylums.  Spooked me good.

I see my father and stepmother once in a great while.  They're always glad to see me and I can put aside the incalculable damage the old man did to my life.  I'll tell you, he still makes you feel dumb because he's got his entire Ivy League doctoral classical education behind him and he's so futtin' pedantic, but it's bearable for a weekend.  He always tells me he loves me and he misses me.  He knows at a gut level he took the adolescent and early adult Eriksonian stages I was building and burned them down to the ground, to once, not twice, but five times, and now I go through life absent Initiative, Industry, Identity, Intimacy, and Generativity.  My stepbrother and sister-in-law are loving people, though she's a terrible lush.  S------ harbors some little brother resentment towards me, but we can deal with it.  They live far away in Upstate New York, so I don't see them very often.

My marketable skills were never in high demand to start with, and I haven't been gainfully employed in nearly three years.  I live in a pittance from SSDI and occasional hand outs from family.  I'm seeking work through state agencies, but funds have been cut to hell, and the situation's about to get much worse even if they manage to raise the debt ceiling in time.

I swore to mother I would not let anything estrange me from Sis.  It's a commitment I don't know that I can keep.  I'm getting older and I am, oh so very tired of four decades on the dysfunctional family Catherine Wheel.  Yet, in my trap of chronic unemplooyment, no credit privileges, and dwindling cash reserves, I can't just pick up and move to Portland, Oregon, which I might do If I could.

As I get older, doors shut.  New ones do not open.  I can't see myself living to my fiftieth birthday.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/09/smhair.gif

I always identified with the rage in John Bender's impression of his father, except my Dad
said the same things couched in a William F. Buckley manner, though he was -- as we all were --
fond of saying F**K YOU!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8vqlhi3QQw



(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Cat

http://files.advertolog.com/files/adsarchive/part_1154/11545055/file/unicef-invisible-child-small-12730.jpg

I felt so invisible in pre-school. It was terrible. Not knowing enough English. I could tell the other kids wanted to talk to me, but I didn't understand a lot of what they were saying!  ::)

I got to read all of these sometime.

All my live   

Not really, a few will say hi and maybe ask about my family, but unless I go talk to them others don't acknowledge me at all.


Maybe you need to be assertive more?  ???

CO-DEPENDENT MADNESS


So, first off, Billzy, now your situation's been put in perspective.  Invisibility doesn't sound so bad anymore, does it?

On to Max. 

I can't help with the whole Sis thing.  I'd have walked away a long time ago, but I didn't make the kind of vow you did.  (That said, I'd still have cut my losses and walked away by now.)  I've lost a few friends to Christian fundamentalism over the decades, but have been lucky enough to never have to deal with anything anywhere near the level of dysfunctionality you've had to deal with.  

at a gut level he took the adolescent and early adult Eriksonian stages I was building and burned them down to the ground, to once, not twice, but five times, and now I go through life absent Initiative, Industry, Identity, Intimacy, and Generativity.


But that happens to all of us by the time we're your age.  Whether it's a crappy parent, crappy school system, crappy education, crappy entry-level job, or crappy management that grinds it out of you, it's called getting old.  Congrats!  You got old before you died.  Despite what The Who suggested, it beats the alternative.

g3S_k1dRbXY

It just doesn't matter.

Lemme put it another way - freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.  You're not unemployed, you're retired.  Your funds may come from a different source, and you've got family drama that I've managed to escape, but on a day-to-day basis, that sounds like my retirement.  There may be no cigar-sized burns, but corporate life offers a few minutes (literally) of feeling like this for every year of this.

All the time...even in my house!  I'll tell hubby something, he'll acknowledge it, then swear I never told him, yet he will also swear he ALWAYS listens to me ::)  I now have proven to him multiple times that he DOESN'T "always listen to me" as I have told him things in front of the boys that he swears I never told him, so I just call the boys up and they affirm that yes, I DID tell him! The other night, he told the oldest he would have to ask me about spending the night at a friend's...the oldest and I had about a 5 minute conversation RIGHT IN FRONT OF HUBBY about it. The night of the sleepover, hubby asks me where the oldest is...I said "ummm.....at so-and-so's house, spending the night like we talked about the other night?!?!"  He had no clue what I was talking about and we were LITERALLY sitting at the kitchen table with him ::)

It's not just him, though, I just kind of "blend in" everywhere.  I don't really have any friends...at least not any that I can just call up and say "Hey, you want to go shopping/see a movie/have dinner/whatever?" The one friend I DID have and I had a MAJOR falling out (see Vent thread) and the other one moved to another state. I have "friends" on Facebook and people I "talk" to online and a few from college and high school I still talk to every once in a while if I happen to call THEM, but nobody really calls ME.  When I was in school, there were a few people I hung around with on campus, but now that we've all graduated, we've pretty much gone our separate ways :(  Kinda' like Cat's restaurant scenario, people will literally hold a conversation AROUND me and ask everyone else the same question BUT me...

Okay, now I read them all.  

About me  I have had a disfunctional mother so I've got some bad depression from that.  I got my brain tumor when I was 7 and that changed my behavior as well.  I also was born with ear infections so hard to tell, shi-ty childhood  I've grown in my faith  I have a CI for my hearing, and my mom says she finally found God.

On these threads sometimes I feel like no one reads me stuff, but I know that is probably not the case.  I have a -rap  load of depression.  Everyone gets at least a little depressed once in a while. 

Sis has a cult.  Not a cult of religious acolytes, but of believers in her canon of Sob Stories.  Over Facebook, email, phone line, postcard, and face-to-face encounter, Sis has built a loyal congregation of sympathy and you-go-girl boosterism.  As soon as one congregant denies the canon, he is called an asswhole and shunned.  So it goes.  Thus, she lives in an illusory world where she's the heroic homeschooling single mom who has completed the memoir to knock Anais Nin out of the water, but it's a gift she's never quite ready to bestow upon the world.  She has to wait until they say the time is right.

Enough about her. I spoke of Erikson.  I entered the adult world as smoking husk.  It was more than mere Goth pose that got me so identified with Poe, Kafka, Rilke, Lovecraft, Dostoevsky, and Solzhenitsyn

I have just a short while to manage some sort of gainful employment or I shall face homelessness again as the weather becomes bitter.  Homeless you feel invisible half the time and the half the time you feel visible you wish for invisibility all over again!

There are no "cigar scars" on my skin; they're all on my soul.

If running flat broke by Halloween wasn't in the offing, I might feel a little more keen on saying sayanora to the Dickensian dysfunctional fam, but it ain't that easy...

::)



(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Cat


Thank you very much, Cat!
:)

All the time...even in my house!  I'll tell hubby something, he'll acknowledge it, then swear I never told him, yet he will also swear he ALWAYS listens to me ::)  I now have proven to him multiple times that he DOESN'T "always listen to me" as I have told him things in front of the boys that he swears I never told him, so I just call the boys up and they affirm that yes, I DID tell him! The other night, he told the oldest he would have to ask me about spending the night at a friend's...the oldest and I had about a 5 minute conversation RIGHT IN FRONT OF HUBBY about it. The night of the sleepover, hubby asks me where the oldest is...I said "ummm.....at so-and-so's house, spending the night like we talked about the other night?!?!"  He had no clue what I was talking about and we were LITERALLY sitting at the kitchen table with him ::)

It's not just him, though, I just kind of "blend in" everywhere.  I don't really have any friends...at least not any that I can just call up and say "Hey, you want to go shopping/see a movie/have dinner/whatever?" The one friend I DID have and I had a MAJOR falling out (see Vent thread) and the other one moved to another state. I have "friends" on Facebook and people I "talk" to online and a few from college and high school I still talk to every once in a while if I happen to call THEM, but nobody really calls ME.  When I was in school, there were a few people I hung around with on campus, but now that we've all graduated, we've pretty much gone our separate ways :(  Kinda' like Cat's restaurant scenario, people will literally hold a conversation AROUND me and ask everyone else the same question BUT me...


Wow, everything you said sounds exactly like my life!!  It's so weird...  Just last night I was at a birthday party for a friend of mine of 12 years.  One of her friends from college gave her a book of photos made on Snapfish, with really cool graphics and captions and all that.  Nobody I know would EVER do something like that for me.  I don't even have a friend who I am that close with.  Maybe I am the problem?  Maybe I'm weird?  Hard to talk to?  I don't know... but I do know it's very sad.  Then, we're all sitting around talking about nationalities... They went around the entire table and asked everybody what their nationality was.  Everyone took turns... and just when it was my turn, the conversation changed subjects and nobody cared enough to come back to me and ask. That kind of thing ALWAYS happens to me.  Stronger, more confident personalities dominate conversations, leaving the weak  in silence.  Perfect example of Survival of the fittest. Sometimes I just can't even believe how ridiculous it is.  LIke, if I really think about just how bad it is, I'd be ina complete depression every second of the day.  So I just have to try and turn it off sometimes and try to find ways to make myself happy.

Maybe you need to be assertive more?  ???

Could be, but that's not my character. I just can't go up to people and start talking especially if it seems like they don't want to talk to me.
It's sad but still at age 51 I have to muster up the courage to go talk to people. That's why I love the internet ;D

I've never really had a friend and always wondered whats wrong with me.  Maybe nothing, just  http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/styx35.shtml  I still don't know what the L I am to do and not sure how to life if there is actually anything much I don't know that I need to.  I still enjoy making people happy so that is one thing I'm going to do


My mom tells me I need to be more assertive about things.  I to have some kind of fear or something.  A lot of times I don't want to talk about what other people are talking about anyway.  I've always liked talking with people who are older then me.

Back in Feb. when we were down in PR, one of Carlos' daughter & her daughter, plus Carlos' son, his wife, & their son came down. We rented a van so we could all fit. I was shoved in the back ALL the time. At one point, my step-son's wife said that she was going to sit in back and let him sit in the middle because he had been sitting back there (when he wasn't driving). HELLO? I had been sitting back there the ENTIRE TIME!!!! (Along with the 7 year old.) All I seem to be good for was doing the dishes & the laundry. NOT ONE person offered to do dishes. (Well, my SIL did when she came over.) What was the kicker was that I PAID FOR THEIR TRIP DOWN THERE! (Well, his daughter, not his son & wife).

I'm sure everyone knows that I love taking photos. I noticed that I was always taking photos of people's backs. They were always walking away.

Well, this trip (in June), his other two daughters & their families came down. What a difference. I couldn't take as many photos because the kids kept me engaged ALL THE TIME (rather than just ignoring me like the others did). And yes, everyone helped out with the dishes.



Cat

Sis has a cult.  Not a cult of religious acolytes, but of believers in her canon of Sob Stories.  Over Facebook, email, phone line, postcard, and face-to-face encounter, Sis has built a loyal congregation of sympathy and you-go-girl boosterism.  As soon as one congregant denies the canon, he is called an asswhole and shunned.  So it goes.  Thus, she lives in an illusory world where she's the heroic homeschooling single mom who has completed the memoir to knock Anais Nin out of the water, but it's a gift she's never quite ready to bestow upon the world.  She has to wait until they say the time is right.

Enough about her. I spoke of Erikson.  I entered the adult world as smoking husk.  It was more than mere Goth pose that got me so identified with Poe, Kafka, Rilke, Lovecraft, Dostoevsky, and Solzhenitsyn

I have just a short while to manage some sort of gainful employment or I shall face homelessness again as the weather becomes bitter.  Homeless you feel invisible half the time and the half the time you feel visible you wish for invisibility all over again!

There are no "cigar scars" on my skin; they're all on my soul.

If running flat broke by Halloween wasn't in the offing, I might feel a little more keen on saying sayanora to the Dickensian dysfunctional fam, but it ain't that easy...

::)

Thank you very much, Cat!
:)



I agree with Foo, you may want to cut your losses (vow or not) for self-preservation. It sounds like your family wants to bring you down with them.



Cat

I thought I'd say to Max that I too agree that you need to cut your losses.  You have your own things to worry about and need to take care of them first.  Sorry sis has her mind that messed up.

Back when my mom was backstabbing everyone the only thing I could do for her was pray and do everything I could to remind myself that all that negitive bull was was coming from an F ed up mind.

My dad's Dad I don't know what all was going on with that, sometime years later,  he offered my dad his motercycle.  My dad said no that wouldn't work for be good transportation for the family.  He seemed to have decided to hate my dad and never spoke a word to my dad or any of us again.  I decided  that that if he's happy not giving a dam about us then I just wont give a dam about him.


Now that I'm through with my Star Wars episodes with my mom,  I have disfunction aftermath to work on fixing  in myself.

Also, no one ever wants to take pictures of me.

Back in Feb. when we were down in PR, one of Carlos' daughter & her daughter, plus Carlos' son, his wife, & their son came down. We rented a van so we could all fit. I was shoved in the back ALL the time. At one point, my step-son's wife said that she was going to sit in back and let him sit in the middle because he had been sitting back there (when he wasn't driving). HELLO? I had been sitting back there the ENTIRE TIME!!!! (Along with the 7 year old.) All I seem to be good for was doing the dishes & the laundry. NOT ONE person offered to do dishes. (Well, my SIL did when she came over.) What was the kicker was that I PAID FOR THEIR TRIP DOWN THERE! (Well, his daughter, not his son & wife).

I'm sure everyone knows that I love taking photos. I noticed that I was always taking photos of people's backs. They were always walking away.

Well, this trip (in June), his other two daughters & their families came down. What a difference. I couldn't take as many photos because the kids kept me engaged ALL THE TIME (rather than just ignoring me like the others did). And yes, everyone helped out with the dishes.



Cat

It makes a world of difference in who is around you and how they make you feel about yourself. Tim has 2 sisters and I feel more comfortable around his youngest than his oldest. The youngest is more laid back and happy-go-lucky, while the oldest is always in a hurry and a take charge type of person.

I've never really had a friend and always wondered whats wrong with me.  Maybe nothing, just  http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/styx35.shtml  I still don't know what the L I am to do and not sure how to life if there is actually anything much I don't know that I need to.  I still enjoy making people happy so that is one thing I'm going to do


My mom tells me I need to be more assertive about things.  I to have some kind of fear or something.  A lot of times I don't want to talk about what other people are talking about anyway.  I've always liked talking with people who are older then me.

You are being assertive but just in a different way with written words instead of spoken words.

Could be, but that's not my character. I just can't go up to people and start talking especially if it seems like they don't want to talk to me.
It's sad but still at age 51 I have to muster up the courage to go talk to people. That's why I love the internet ;D


It gives you a chance to be invisible.

Also, no one ever wants to take pictures of me.



I would.  ;)



Cat

You are being assertive but just in a different way with written words instead of spoken words.


It's also good to be assertive using gestures.

Also, no one ever wants to take pictures of me.

I would.
I'm glad nobody tales my picture  :( When I tried asking my classmates for facebook request most of them sent me a message saying who are you, because the pics are of my daughter,grandson and daughters friends..none of me. I was going to add some, but feared they would see how much bigger I am now and deny my request.

It gives you a chance to be invisible.

Plus if you make a fool of yourself you can retreat in your room, not stand there and be humiliated.

I would.
I'm glad nobody tales my picture  :( When I tried asking my classmates for facebook request most of them sent me a message saying who are you, because the pics are of my daughter,grandson and daughters friends..none of me. I was going to add some, but feared they would see how much bigger I am now and deny my request.


would it because you're shy? ???

My sister jokes that by time I came along, the camera broke. After all, it was just another kid. So, there are not as many pics of me as a kid as there are of my brother (who was the oldest) or my oldest sister. But, being "invisible" has its advantages. I will "hide" behind my camera and basically become part of the furniture and just snap pics. I get a lot of candid shots without people realizing that I am taking their photo so they are natural rather than "posing" for the camera. As a photographer, I prefer it that way.



Cat

You are being assertive but just in a different way with written words instead of spoken words.


No, the only online issue in the past is that I'm wasting time.  Could be, but my mom  shouldn't be judging me if that's what she's been  doing.


I do have stuff to work on that I'm a little behind in like possibly being a little more assertive at times.  My mom has always been a very assertive person.

Sis has a cult.  Not a cult of religious acolytes, but of believers in her canon of Sob Stories.  Over Facebook, email, phone line, postcard, and face-to-face encounter, Sis has built a loyal congregation of sympathy and you-go-girl boosterism.  As soon as one congregant denies the canon, he is called an asswhole and shunned.  So it goes.  Thus, she lives in an illusory world where she's the heroic homeschooling single mom who has completed the memoir to knock Anais Nin out of the water, but it's a gift she's never quite ready to bestow upon the world.  She has to wait until they say the time is right.

OMG! She sounds just like my ex-best friend....well, other than the homeschooling and memoir (she has neither the patience nor the intelligence to do either ;)). Particularly during her two divorces...she has become quite adept at being "the femme fatale" yet one whom everyone must obey.

Sis has a cult.  Not a cult of religious acolytes, but of believers in her canon of Sob Stories.  Over Facebook, email, phone line, postcard, and face-to-face encounter, Sis has built a loyal congregation of sympathy and you-go-girl boosterism.

Well then, she obviously doesn't need your support.  Whether it's an identity crisis or a mid-life crisis, resolve both by cutting your emotional losses.  She's got a support network - however dysfunctional - and you don't.


Enough about her. I spoke of Erikson.  I entered the adult world as smoking husk.  It was more than mere Goth pose that got me so identified with Poe, Kafka, Rilke, Lovecraft, Dostoevsky, and Solzhenitsyn


Isolation and stagnation don't have to imply despair. That's usually the way to bet, but if you can look back and say you played as well as you could have with the cards you were dealt, what's to regret?  Even if someone builds the Lunar Hilton in my lifetime, I won't be able to afford a vacation there.  It's OK to cross things off the "bucket list" when you've made peace with the fact that they're just not gonna happen.


If running flat broke by Halloween wasn't in the offing, I might feel a little more keen on saying sayanora to the Dickensian dysfunctional fam, but it ain't that easy...


Now that's a tougher problem.  To be absolutely clear, we're talking about a situation in which your income doesn't fund the rent, and you will be evicted, and you're therefore forced to be reliant on the dysfunctional family circus for a support mechanism?

OMG! She sounds just like my ex-best friend....well, other than the homeschooling and memoir (she has neither the patience nor the intelligence to do either ;)). Particularly during her two divorces...she has become quite adept at being "the femme fatale" yet one whom everyone must obey.


Yes, that's like Sis.  It's a kind of bullying.  Things that happened to Sis really did suck, and life really was unfair to her.  The problem with Sis is she equates support with agreement.  She's volatile; one must tiptoe on eggshells around her.  She levels withering judgments at others.  She harbors teeth-grinding resentments for decades.  People like her wear you out.  It gets to a point where you just say, "I can't do this anymore.  I'm exhausted."  Some people snap at her and tell her off.  That never works.  You just become another chapter in the Sob Story saga.  Others, like me, hang back and watch helplessly as though she were a slow motion car wreck!

Oh, and she has the most dysfunctional relationship with her daughter allowable by law.  Sure, you could proffer recommendations on parenting...you could also bait the balrog.  I wouldn't advise doing either!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/kane.gif

Well then, she obviously doesn't need your support.  Whether it's an identity crisis or a mid-life crisis, resolve both by cutting your emotional losses.  She's got a support network - however dysfunctional - and you don't.

Isolation and stagnation don't have to imply despair. That's usually the way to bet, but if you can look back and say you played as well as you could have with the cards you were dealt, what's to regret?  Even if someone builds the Lunar Hilton in my lifetime, I won't be able to afford a vacation there.  It's OK to cross things off the "bucket list" when you've made peace with the fact that they're just not gonna happen.

Now that's a tougher problem.  To be absolutely clear, we're talking about a situation in which your income doesn't fund the rent, and you will be evicted, and you're therefore forced to be reliant on the dysfunctional family circus for a support mechanism?


Indeed.  That's the dilemma.  That's the crucible.  I'll figure something out or something will figure me out.  On one hand, this is what we call in the end how a life was lived...on the other hand, we're all worm food in the end.
8)

Yes, that's like Sis.  It's a kind of bullying.  Things that happened to Sis really did suck, and life really was unfair to her.  The problem with Sis is she equates support with agreement.  She's volatile; one must tiptoe on eggshells around her.  She levels withering judgments at others.  She harbors teeth-grinding resentments for decades.  People like her wear you out.  It gets to a point where you just say, "I can't do this anymore.  I'm exhausted."  Some people snap at her and tell her off.  That never works.  You just become another chapter in the Sob Story saga.  Others, like me, hang back and watch helplessly as though she were a slow motion car wreck!

Oh, and she has the most dysfunctional relationship with her daughter allowable by law.  Sure, you could proffer recommendations on parenting...you could also bait the balrog.  I wouldn't advise doing either!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/kane.gif
Where'd the rest of my post go???  I swear I wrote more???  Anyway....
They ARE twins!  I watched her walk all over and blame everyone else for her problems for years...when she tried to blame ME for something that was COMPLETELY out of my control, that was the straw that finally broke the proverbial camel's back and I snapped.  The thing was, I did it NICELY and she STILL tried to accuse me of attacking her, making things up, NEVER being there for her, and all kinds of ridiculous things.  At that point, I knew our friendship was over and broke all ties with her.

Oh, and on her parenting skills...I tried to tell her for 2 years her oldest had ADHD and she refused to even have him evaluated.  She took her kids to counseling (on the advice of her attorney) after her first husband left her and the counselor wasn't with them 5 minutes and asked if he had ever been evaluated for it and suggested she have it done STAT!  It STILL took her 6 months to do it!  She also sends both her kids to her ex's house WITHOUT their meds for the weekend to "get back at him so he can see what she deals with on a daily basis" (and it also gives HER access to their "extra" meds so she can wake up when she takes too many painkillers with too much wine the night before ::))  She also walks around the house wearing nothing but a t-shirt & underwear because "those are her pajamas...she can't sleep in shorts/pants" (her boys are now 14 & 12 and she has done it all their lives) :o  I bought her a "cute" nightgown (not long, but not "too" short) and she "hemmed" it so it barely covered her arse cuz it was "too long" and "got caught on her legs"...and she wonders why her boys are CONSTANTLY in trouble in school ::)

I would.
I'm glad nobody tales my picture  :( When I tried asking my classmates for facebook request most of them sent me a message saying who are you, because the pics are of my daughter,grandson and daughters friends..none of me. I was going to add some, but feared they would see how much bigger I am now and deny my request.


It's not so much that I want my picture taken, or that I like what I look like... it's that I'm always taking pictures of other people, and they have cameras too, but they never look at me and think "let me take a picture of Bill"... if they look at me at all. 

It's not so much that I want my picture taken, or that I like what I look like... it's that I'm always taking pictures of other people, and they have cameras too, but they never look at me and think "let me take a picture of Bill"... if they look at me at all. 



Yesterday, I received a disc of family photos from my brother. There were HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of pic and there were only a few of me. I would put it as less than 10 TOTAL!!!  And these pics were not when we were kids. Most of them were taken in the last 20 years or so.



Cat

Where'd the rest of my post go???  I swear I wrote more???  Anyway....
They ARE twins!  I watched her walk all over and blame everyone else for her problems for years...when she tried to blame ME for something that was COMPLETELY out of my control, that was the straw that finally broke the proverbial camel's back and I snapped.  The thing was, I did it NICELY and she STILL tried to accuse me of attacking her, making things up, NEVER being there for her, and all kinds of ridiculous things.  At that point, I knew our friendship was over and broke all ties with her.

Oh, and on her parenting skills...I tried to tell her for 2 years her oldest had ADHD and she refused to even have him evaluated.  She took her kids to counseling (on the advice of her attorney) after her first husband left her and the counselor wasn't with them 5 minutes and asked if he had ever been evaluated for it and suggested she have it done STAT!  It STILL took her 6 months to do it!  She also sends both her kids to her ex's house WITHOUT their meds for the weekend to "get back at him so he can see what she deals with on a daily basis" (and it also gives HER access to their "extra" meds so she can wake up when she takes too many painkillers with too much wine the night before ::))  She also walks around the house wearing nothing but a t-shirt & underwear because "those are her pajamas...she can't sleep in shorts/pants" (her boys are now 14 & 12 and she has done it all their lives) :o  I bought her a "cute" nightgown (not long, but not "too" short) and she "hemmed" it so it barely covered her arse cuz it was "too long" and "got caught on her legs"...and she wonders why her boys are CONSTANTLY in trouble in school ::)


That's the reason my niece is home schooled.  Her oppositional defiance is so severe she cannot manage in public school.  She knocked her teacher over in the first grade!  She's now twelve and goes part time to some private school program and has a home school curriculum which Sis can't make her follow.  See, rather than admit her child was in serious trouble, Sis just isolated the kid and barricaded the rest of the world from seeing what was going on.  My cousin told me my niece sleeps in the same bed with my sister.  The kid has her own bed and her own room, but she's too nervous to sleep by herself.  Again, Sis doesn't address the issue.  It breaks my heart to see it.  My mother says she can do nothing about it.  My cousin and I feel helpless too.  We even considered taking the issue up with DSS, but DSS is so hamfisted they might just refer my niece to foster care, which would just make things even worse, plus Sis would never speak to my cousin or me again.
::)

Yes, and Sis walks around the house scantily clad and constantly drops f-bombs in front of the kid.  Ayi-yi-yi!

Yesterday, I received a disc of family photos from my brother. There were HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of pic and there were only a few of me. I would put it as less than 10 TOTAL!!!  And these pics were not when we were kids. Most of them were taken in the last 20 years or so.



Cat


I used to hate the way I looked in photos so much I'd avoid the camera unless instructed to get in the picture.  Thus, we have all these family photos with me standing in the back corner looking like I don't want to be there!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/happy9.gif

I used to hate the way I looked in photos so much I'd avoid the camera unless instructed to get in the picture.  Thus, we have all these family photos with me standing in the back corner looking like I don't want to be there!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/happy9.gif

I've been kinda like that in recent years; that is, after a certain point in my life. And I think I have known a number of people who have refused to be in pictures that I was about to take.

people can take my picture if they want, but I don't really need my picture taken.  Sometimes I take my own picture of me  :D.  My dad took a gazillion pictures of me when I was young, then no one took pictures anymore.  I like taking nature pictures and don't take pictures of people unless they ask me to.

I used to hate the way I looked in photos so much I'd avoid the camera unless instructed to get in the picture.  Thus, we have all these family photos with me standing in the back corner looking like I don't want to be there!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/happy9.gif



I used to hate the way I looked in some of my photos too back in the early 80's,one photo from 1983 the light was so bright I couldn't see so I squinted.

I used to hate the way I looked in some of my photos too back in the early 80's,one photo from 1983 the light was so bright I couldn't see so I squinted.


BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA thank you for the invaluable contribution.  :D

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a cave and hide from the world - no contact with anyone for a while.  Ok, I'll bring my dog, but that's it.  Just me and Oliver.

It's not so much that I want my picture taken, or that I like what I look like... it's that I'm always taking pictures of other people, and they have cameras too, but they never look at me and think "let me take a picture of Bill"... if they look at me at all. 

I know what you mean, it would be nice that they may say hey Bill how about a picture of you.

Yesterday, I received a disc of family photos from my brother. There were HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of pic and there were only a few of me. I would put it as less than 10 TOTAL!!!  And these pics were not when we were kids. Most of them were taken in the last 20 years or so.



Cat

That sucks, don't you hate when they take family pics and there are always certain members that are more prominent than others in the pics.

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a cave and hide from the world - no contact with anyone for a while.  Ok, I'll bring my dog, but that's it.  Just me and Oliver.

No that wouldn't work, the world would be a sad place without Sir Billzy.

Behind blue eyes, doesn't work, you eventually get to lonely.   

I avoid cameras like the plague. I'd much rather be behind the lens 8)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L52gGTK_KyM



Cat

That sucks, don't you hate when they take family pics and there are always certain members that are more prominent than others in the pics.


or certain pictures where others are more dressed up better than you? ???

or certain pictures where others are more dressed up better than you? ???


WHAT??? Oh, I just can't take it anymore.

WHAT??? Oh, I just can't take it anymore.
Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours. :D

Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours. :D


;D

Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours. :D


Got him for ya. :D

WHAT??? Oh, I just can't take it anymore.

Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours. :D

Got him for ya. :D

Me too..Damn those sharp dressed relatives. :D

relative glazy they're so sharp dressed dam

Got him for ya. :D
back atcha ;)

Billzy & ninny too :)

relative glazy they're so sharp dressed dam


Aaw, c'mon.  Make it a challenge.  We covered that in the other thread.

That sucks, don't you hate when they take family pics and there are always certain members that are more prominent than others in the pics.
yeah, I sometimes notice that too. And there was a time period during my life when I didn't even wanna be in pictures unless they were from some special occasion, like a graduation.

yeah, I sometimes notice that too. And there was a time period during my life when I didn't even wanna be in pictures unless they were from some special occasion, like a graduation.


I never liked to be in pictures beause I always felt shy about how I looked and how I dressed.

I never liked to be in pictures beause I always felt shy about how I looked and how I dressed.
That was how I felt for a good part of my life.

I never liked to be in pictures beause I always felt shy about how I looked and how I dressed.


Please don't hijack this thread and turn into a neverending, back and forth, pointless, post-count-increasing conversation about you being in pictures.

Aaw, c'mon.  Make it a challenge.  We covered that in the other thread.


I'd rather you didn't bring the ponies up.  I know your teasing, but the ponies give me a bad memory as well  

challenge? bring it on  I use to love the thread in which the parodists would challenge each other or throw out challenges for whoever was willing to take them.    

I always feel invisible. If 3 people enter into a conversation, I'm the one left out.
When people split up to talk at parties, I was the one left alone. Probably made me drink more out of boredom, so it wasn't all bad.

I've grown and have improved on feeling left-out. But those invisible feelings have never left me. That's life.

I'll turn it into whatever I want,mind your business! >:(


Howard!  That isn't very nice.  Billzy asked you politely, you don't need to be rude.  This is his thread and it is not about whether or not you want to be photographed. 

Howard!  That isn't very nice.  Billzy asked you politely, you don't need to be rude.  This is his thread and it is not about whether or not you want to be photographed. 


Sorry I over-reacted Dag,I apologize for lashing out at him. :(

I'd rather you didn't bring the ponies up.  I know your teasing, but the ponies give me a bad memory as well  


Yeah, sorry 'bout that.  I'd forgotten this part of the board's supposed to be kept (as much as possible) to serious stuff.  It's not like there aren't dozens of other boards here on which to go nuts. 

this segment of the boards is supposed to be serious and I don't make light of Bill's issue at all I hope he will begrudge me one lapse in reason and sensibility tho...after all this is Bill we're talking about right?  ;)  



All morning I have been resisting the urge to post this image....well I have succumbed to temptation.....forgive me....


Before the public knew he went by the name Danny Phantom this teenage half human/half ghost  was often referred to as Invis-o-Bill....


http://thedannyphantomnuts.yolasite.com/resources/danny%20phantom%20banner.jpg




sorry man....couldn't resist!  ;D    carry on!

I think at the end of the day it's all about being around people who appreciate you and who are compatible with you. Not everyone is going be your friend, but not everyone is going to ignore you either.

I guess keeping this in mind might help people who feel lonely or invisible!

Yeah, sorry 'bout that.  I'd forgotten this part of the board's supposed to be kept (as much as possible) to serious stuff.  It's not like there aren't dozens of other boards here on which to go nuts. 


I'd just like to not talk about the ponies any more in any thread if that's cool.  They're reminding me of bad childhood memories.  I wasn't even thinking about the fact that you brought that over from the PPP..  Billzy seems more concerned about Howard hijacking the thread then you.

I think at the end of the day it's all about being around people who appreciate you and who are compatible with you. Not everyone is going be your friend, but not everyone is going to ignore you either.

I guess keeping this in mind might help people who feel lonely or invisible!


It's like at work too,not everyone is going to like you or be your friend.

It's like at work too,not everyone is going to like you or be your friend.


Exactly!

this segment of the boards is supposed to be serious and I don't make light of Bill's issue at all I hope he will begrudge me one lapse in reason and sensibility tho...after all this is Bill we're talking about right?  ;)  



All morning I have been resisting the urge to post this image....well I have succumbed to temptation.....forgive me....


Before the public knew he went by the name Danny Phantom this teenage half human/half ghost  was often referred to as Invis-o-Bill....


http://thedannyphantomnuts.yolasite.com/resources/danny%20phantom%20banner.jpg




sorry man....couldn't resist!  ;D    carry on!




Time to bring up the "It's All About Me" thread?  ;)




Cat

Time to bring up the "It's All About Me" thread?  ;)




Cat



technically that post was about Bill..... Invisible....Invis-o-Bill......get it?!?  :D

technically that post was about Bill..... Invisible....Invis-o-Bill......get it?!?  :D



I did get it. But I was referring to someone else here.

Just so I don't turn this thread into something else...



YAY BILL!!!!!




Cat

I did get it. But I was referring to someone else here.

Just so I don't turn this thread into something else...



YAY BILL!!!!!




Cat



oh... I got confused because you quoted me  ;) 


who's bill.... just kidding!

oh... I got confused because you quoted me  ;) 


who's bill.... just kidding!




I quoted you because I know that YOU know what that thread is REALLY all about.  ;)


As for who's Bill?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ



:D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

I quoted you because I know that YOU know what that thread is REALLY all about.  ;)


As for who's Bill?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ



:D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Cat



And I forgot to say that I totally agree with you....about the other thing....


and I love that song.


BTW- when I went to my friend's going away party the other day I was worried because I knew I wouldn't know anyone- turned out I knew two people but I managed to handle talking to several others and I never felt left out or out of place.....I don't get that feeling often when I'm surrounded by people I don't know.... it was nice!

I quoted you because I know that YOU know what that thread is REALLY all about.  ;)


As for who's Bill?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ



:D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Cat


Now,that's a bill. ;D

I quoted you because I know that YOU know what that thread is REALLY all about.  ;)


As for who's Bill?




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k78TVkbrHHM

I always feel invisible. If 3 people enter into a conversation, I'm the one left out.
When people split up to talk at parties, I was the one left alone. Probably made me drink more out of boredom, so it wasn't all bad.

I've grown and have improved on feeling left-out. But those invisible feelings have never left me. That's life.

I can relate. I go to parties and other social gatherings, hoping to engage in conversations, but sometimes I end up bouncing around from group to group. I talk for a while with a certain cluster of folks, and then when they are talking to the point where I can no longer contribute much, I move to another part of the room and try to join in.

Also, if I'm working on a project with a group of people, whether it be school-related or whatever, sometimes I feel invisible in the sense that I don't have much to contribute. One time when I was in a college class and we had to work in a group for a project, I ended up being excluded from the group because I didn't do my part adequately; this made me feel really sad. However, I was able to convince them to give me another chance. Part of the problem was that I was uncertain as to what to do, and I found it hard to ask questions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k78TVkbrHHM

Mr Bill. An American legend.


I can relate. I go to parties and other social gatherings, hoping to engage in conversations, but sometimes I end up bouncing around from group to group. I talk for a while with a certain cluster of folks, and then when they are talking to the point where I can no longer contribute much, I move to another part of the room and try to join in.

Also, if I'm working on a project with a group of people, whether it be school-related or whatever, sometimes I feel invisible in the sense that I don't have much to contribute. One time when I was in a college class and we had to work in a group for a project, I ended up being excluded from the group because I didn't do my part adequately; this made me feel really sad. However, I was able to convince them to give me another chance. Part of the problem was that I was uncertain as to what to do, and I found it hard to ask questions.

Sorry. That sounds just terrible. Keep trying, never give up. Social gatherings aren't easy for most of us. It's hard work. :(

Sorry. That sounds just terrible. Keep trying, never give up. Social gatherings aren't easy for most of us. It's hard work. :(

I know. But I'm getting better at it. In fact, I've gone to several social gatherings in the last two months, including a going-away party last month for a friend I know from church. There were plenty of people there, and I talked with most of 'em (even if it was for a few minutes at a time). In some cases, I did have plenty to tell them.

I know. But I'm getting better at it. In fact, I've gone to several social gatherings in the last two months, including a going-away party last month for a friend I know from church. There were plenty of people there, and I talked with most of 'em (even if it was for a few minutes at a time). In some cases, I did have plenty to tell them.

You just have to keep at it. Experience in such situations helps in the long run.

You just have to keep at it. Experience in such situations helps in the long run.

Totally.

And when I go out to eat with others, like to a restaurant, there is always conversation going on at the table; I always partake in that, too.

Mr Bill. An American legend.
Sorry. That sounds just terrible. Keep trying, never give up. Social gatherings aren't easy for most of us. It's hard work. :(


I get a little nervous around social gatherings,never know what to say to anyone.

I know most of my posts are complete nonsense, but I'm having a tough time right now in my life and hoping somebody can relate to how I feel or convince me that I'm just being silly...

Sometimes I truly think that I am just completely insignificant.  Like I do not matter.  All my life, I've been told how thoughtful I am, but I don't feel like anyone ever thinks of me.  It's evident in my friends' actions, some of my family, even my partner.  Sometimes I think that some people just weren't meant to be born... like, they exist, but they're not really supposed to be here.  I feel like I'm one of those people.  I know that sounds crazy and probably suicidal but I'm not that in that mindset, just pretty darn down today.  My friends are constantly excluding me from their plans, none of my extended family could give a damn about me, even though they pretend to be happy to see me at family functions.  Ugh... I could go on and on.

Even strangers treat me like crap.  I truly feel invisible sometimes.


Ironically you are not alone, Sir Billzy. There are millions of people who feel like you. There are so many people who feel invisible out there that they lust after fame. Even on a normal social level, there are so many attention-seekers who hunger for attention but rarely give back. I have a housemate who is self-absorbed and will only listen to me if it affects her. The only reason I can think of is because she feels invisible too.

One of the best things you can do is, for the moment, take every person out of your life for a few days and just concentrate on taking care of you. Do the things you enjoy first and make decisions based on your own happiness not anybody elses. For example, if you want to watch a movie at the cinema and have nobody to go with at the time you want then go and watch the movie anyway. I have noticed that people gravitate towards independent people who put themselves first.

If you ever need a friendly ear, PM me.  :)

In a weird juxtaposition, I'm realizing that, perhaps I prefer to be invisible.  I have some friends that text me ALOT, and while I prefer this rather then talking on the phone, it still becomes a chore after awhile to text back.  I'm not all that good at conversation, I mean, I have my moments to able to have extended conversations... but I prefer you (not specifically YOU, but the generalized anyone that is talking to me) to tell me what they want me to do and then just leave me to myself. 

In a weird juxtaposition, I'm realizing that, perhaps I prefer to be invisible.  I have some friends that text me ALOT, and while I prefer this rather then talking on the phone, it still becomes a chore after awhile to text back.  I'm not all that good at conversation, I mean, I have my moments to able to have extended conversations... but I prefer you (not specifically YOU, but the generalized anyone that is talking to me) to tell me what they want me to do and then just leave me to myself. 


I can understand this because I have the very old fashioned view that the phone is a functional tool rather than a social one. Therefore, if I text someone it's rarely just for the sake of it.

As long as you are happy and content that is all that matters. The world is driven by social networking and 'being on the go'. Anybody that is content to do their own thing are classed as sad or hopeless. The irony of this is there are many people out there who crave social communication with little worthwhile to say.

Yes...and that's why I'm not allowed in the Ingleside Mall anymore.  The rent-a-cop said I could keep the fire blanket.  She was cool.
8)

Some days I feel like sami 8)

Some days I feel like sami 8)
Really????  I am flattered!















































But now I have to figure out why, damn I hate being gOne for extreme amounts of time!

Really????  I am flattered!




WAIT....  I KNOW ALREADY. Presume whatever! This post within a post was done in purpose!










































But now I have to figure out why, damn I hate being gOne for extreme amounts of time!

Really????  I am flattered!















































But now I have to figure out why, damn I hate being gOne for extreme amounts of time!




Howard replied to one of her posts and called her Sami.

Howard replied to one of her posts and called her Sami.
I figured it out already ^^.  ;D

Howard replied to one of her posts and called her Sami.


Sorry,my mistake Q.  ::) ;D

Howard replied to one of her posts and called her Sami.
Eh, I've been called worse ;)