I'm sorry for mentioning this again for those of you who already know, but I suffer from depression due to being born chemically imbalanced. Then I got help in the spring of 2010 and got on medication (anti-depressants).

Well, here's the story. Me and my nephew were very close when we were young until one day when I was 20 and just broke out in anger (this was before I was medicated) and my nephew was then 14. I know that I was wrong for lashing out, but at the same time I was unmedicated and like I said, was/am a mentally sick person. Suddenly after that incident my nephew no longer wanted to talk to me or interact with me again. It's been 2 years and he is now 16 and he still won't talk to me anymore.

Had he never been close to me I wouldn't be so damn hurt, but it's like losing a brother or a friend I truly care about or having someone abandon me. Had he never liked/care about me from the beggining I wouldn't be so da*n wounded, but this is like someone ripped some da*m duck tape from my heart!!

I would just like to know. Is is wrong for my nephew to be mad at me or indifferent to me? Is it wrong for me to feel hurt? Does me being mentally ill make it wrong for him to ignore me all of a sudden? Was it wrong for me to lash out like that even with my mental illness? Or is my nephew just being a harda** or a jerk?

Are some people, like my nephew, so ultra-sensitive that they get offended easily? Is he just so sensitive that he doesn't want to see me again, or is he just being stubborn?

He was probably really wounded by your reaction. It could be that he that he is afraid that it could happen again. Have you ever apologized to him for that incident?



Cat

He was probably really wounded by your reaction. It could be that he that he is afraid that it could happen again. Have you ever apologized to him for that incident?



Cat


Actually, we are talking, but it's starting out sooooo slowly (not enough like in the old days though). I'm just glad he is talking to me again, but then again, I gotta admit that he was only 14 (not an adult, but not a kid at the same time either) so I can kinda understand why he was hurt. But I was and am hurt also. Though I am getting less hurt everyday.

Yes, I did apologize and I guess that's when he started talking to me, though slowly warming up to me again.

Actually, we are talking, but it's starting out sooooo slowly (not enough like in the old days though). I'm just glad he is talking to me again, but then again, I gotta admit that he was only 14 (not an adult, but not a kid at the same time either) so I can kinda understand why he was hurt. But I was and am hurt also. Though I am getting less hurt everyday.

Yes, I did apologize and I guess that's when he started talking to me, though slowly warming up to me again.



You are talking-so that is a good thing. Just take it slow. I'm sure he will come around.



Cat

You are talking-so that is a good thing. Just take it slow. I'm sure he will come around.



Cat


On a scale of 0 to 10 of being hurt, I am now about a 5. 2 years ago when this started to happen I was about a 9 or even a 10! So, yes the hurt is there, but it's at least bearable right now.

When I wrote 'don't talk anymore' I actually meant 'don't talk like we used to'. Yes, during the past few weeks he started talking to me again after I apologized. I'm glad him and I are talking, but I guess I'm just trying to understand this situation and my nephew.

What Cat said. My guess is he was really wounded and probably afraid to get close out of fear it might happen again.

I know you apologized which is always a good start. Have you actually talked to your nephew and explained to him the depression and how the medication is helping you now... Have you shared with him how, in addition to your guilt for outburst, your pain because of the distance between you.

What Cat said. My guess is he was really wounded and probably afraid to get close out of fear it might happen again.

I know you apologized which is always a good start. Have you actually talked to your nephew and explained to him the depression and how the medication is helping you now... Have you shared with him how, in addition to your guilt for outburst, your pain because of the distance between you.


Yes, when I apologized to him I told him about my depression. I guess he started to understand me a little bit more and started to talk to me.

What Cat said. My guess is he was really wounded and probably afraid to get close out of fear it might happen again.

I know you apologized which is always a good start. Have you actually talked to your nephew and explained to him the depression and how the medication is helping you now... Have you shared with him how, in addition to your guilt for outburst, your pain because of the distance between you.


It's really not a matter of who's right or wrong. On the surface you were wrong to hurt him...but, in your defence, there were mitigating circumstances...a clinical reason for your unstable action.

People fear what they can't understand (and is not easily fixed). It is now your responsibility to stay medicated (if that's the only way to lead a balanced existence) and keep showing your nephew that it is safe to be in your company.

I'm sorry for mentioning this again for those of you who already know, but I suffer from depression due to being born chemically imbalanced. Then I got help in the spring of 2010 and got on medication (anti-depressants).

Well, here's the story. Me and my nephew were very close when we were young until one day when I was 20 and just broke out in anger (this was before I was medicated) and my nephew was then 14. I know that I was wrong for lashing out, but at the same time I was unmedicated and like I said, was/am a mentally sick person. Suddenly after that incident my nephew no longer wanted to talk to me or interact with me again. It's been 2 years and he is now 16 and he still won't talk to me anymore.

Had he never been close to me I wouldn't be so damn hurt, but it's like losing a brother or a friend I truly care about or having someone abandon me. Had he never liked/care about me from the beggining I wouldn't be so da*n wounded, but this is like someone ripped some da*m duck tape from my heart!!

I would just like to know. Is is wrong for my nephew to be mad at me or indifferent to me? Is it wrong for me to feel hurt? Does me being mentally ill make it wrong for him to ignore me all of a sudden? Was it wrong for me to lash out like that even with my mental illness? Or is my nephew just being a harda** or a jerk?

Are some people, like my nephew, so ultra-sensitive that they get offended easily? Is he just so sensitive that he doesn't want to see me again, or is he just being stubborn?
Like Peter said - no right or wrong can be found in this circumstance, it is what it is and you need to both work at repairing it.  As you are the adult, I would suggest you will probably need to work twice as hard to mend the riff.  With your nephew only being 14 at the time, this is already a very difficult and awkward event in puberty. Most boys are very self-conscience at this time, so if he took the attack personally the wound was quite deep to his psyche.  He probably perceived you as an adult, and a role model and you altered this image.  It is going to take a while to get it back (think to you and your rebellion against parents- how long did it take you to really get over it).  Just take it slow, work at it, let him know you want to repair it and you are willing to work for it.

You say your nephew is "ultra-sensitive" or stubborn but I'm sure he is really scared of you.  I was exposed to a hot-head all of my life and that's no fun to be around - a virtual time bomb.  Would you like to be around someone like that?  Even if they had a medical reason for it?

My suggestion is much like the others have said:  Stay medicated, apologize, mean it and finally, give him time to know you mean it.

Good luck and hang in there  :)

Yes, when I apologized to him I told him about my depression. I guess he started to understand me a little bit more and started to talk to me.




that's good...just remember....just because you've already had the conversation doesn't mean you can't have it again and again...not to beat it to death or anything but you know to keep the lines of communication open and to continue to lay the groundwork to repair the relationship.  It will take time and might not be until he's in his 20s before he fully comes around.

Like sami said you're the adult so you're going to have to do all the heavy lifting in this one...


also....what Peter and shannon said...

You say your nephew is "ultra-sensitive" or stubborn but I'm sure he is really scared of you.  I was exposed to a hot-head all of my life and that's no fun to be around - a virtual time bomb.  Would you like to be around someone like that?  Even if they had a medical reason for it?

My suggestion is much like the others have said:  Stay medicated, apologize, mean it and finally, give him time to know you mean it.

Good luck and hang in there  :)


ladybug316, yes I can understand. It IS scary being around someone who you don't know is ready or not ready to explode! And like you said, even if it is a good reason. I don't get the impression you're against me or anyone else with a condition. It's called self-preservation!

Like Peter said - no right or wrong can be found in this circumstance, it is what it is and you need to both work at repairing it.  As you are the adult, I would suggest you will probably need to work twice as hard to mend the riff.  With your nephew only being 14 at the time, this is already a very difficult and awkward event in puberty. Most boys are very self-conscience at this time, so if he took the attack personally the wound was quite deep to his psyche.  He probably perceived you as an adult, and a role model and you altered this image.  It is going to take a while to get it back (think to you and your rebellion against parents- how long did it take you to really get over it).  Just take it slow, work at it, let him know you want to repair it and you are willing to work for it.


Ha ha don't we all know how it is to be 14?  ;D ;D

Ha ha don't we all know how it is to be 14?  ;D ;D
But you are through it, and can see the humor in it now...  Your nephew on the other hand - is still going through it.  I bet he will not see humor in this statement, it really is quite a change of mental and physical (as well as hormonal) being. 

It's really not a matter of who's right or wrong. On the surface you were wrong to hurt him...but, in your defence, there were mitigating circumstances...a clinical reason for your unstable action.

People fear what they can't understand (and is not easily fixed). It is now your responsibility to stay medicated (if that's the only way to lead a balanced existence) and keep showing your nephew that it is safe to be in your company.


gibbo, the thing is this was no one's fault really. I was unstable and he was a very young person so I guess no one is to blame, it's one of those things where it's awkward and I'm just glad he still is giving me a 2nd chance of talking to him and being his uncle.

ladybug316, yes I can understand. It IS scary being around someone who you don't know is ready or not ready to explode! And like you said, even if it is a good reason. I don't get the impression you're against me or anyone else with a condition. It's called self-preservation!




I'm not at all against you.  I turned the situation around to your nephew's way of thinking so you might understand why he's so hesitant.  

Here's the thing about an apology - you may be ready to give one and truly mean it but that doesn't mean that someone is ready to accept it (or even has to accept it).  That's not a shot at you, it's just the truth in any situation.

Again, hang in there.

But you are through it, and can see the humor in it now...  Your nephew on the other hand - is still going through it.  I bet he will not see humor in this statement, it really is quite a change of mental and physical (as well as hormonal) being. 


Age 12 to about 16 is ugh! By 17 it gets a little better and Thank God!  ::)

Well, the thing is I wasn't addressing the joke at him, but at you guys, who are now older.

Age 12 to about 16 is ugh! By 17 it gets a little better and Thank God!  ::)

Well, the thing is I wasn't addressing the joke at him, but at you guys, who are now older.
Ok... I just did not want you to come off as insensitive to your nephew.  That would definitely not help your issue at all!

Ok... I just did not want you to come off as insensitive to your nephew.  That would definitely not help your issue at all!


That would be one of the worse things I could do.  8-P

Thank you so much everybody for your input because it really helps to hear other people's opinions and for me to express my opinion also out!

-Peace-

that's good...just remember....just because you've already had the conversation doesn't mean you can't have it again and again...not to beat it to death or anything but you know to keep the lines of communication open and to continue to lay the groundwork to repair the relationship.  It will take time and might not be until he's in his 20s before he fully comes around.

Like sami said you're the adult so you're going to have to do all the heavy lifting in this one...


also....what Peter and shannon said...


Sometimes I look and I can't believe I'm 22 now!  :o

There's such a thing as being thin-skinned and touchy.  IMO, one only qualifies as "sensitive" if he is sensitive to the feelings of others, not just his own.  Of course, being a jerk isn't necessarily intentional.  I know, I've got Asperger's syndrome.

There's such a thing as being thin-skinned and touchy.  IMO, one only qualifies as "sensitive" if he is sensitive to the feelings of others, not just his own.  Of course, being a jerk isn't necessarily intentional.  I know, I've got Asperger's syndrome.


Yeah, to be honest, he is kinda thin skinned, BUT I love him!! He's not the kind to like rowdiness and instability. Well, actually, what I'm trying to say is that it's harder for him to take instability or rowdiness than other people. I bet no one truly likes instability or too much rowdiness after a while.

I'm going with that he is thin-skinned/touchy, but I don't mean that in a patronizing/condescending way, I just mean people are different and that no one is the same.

Is he the kind or sympathetic with others? Yes. I've seen him be sympathetic before, but it was when he thought I wasn't looking.

There's such a thing as being thin-skinned and touchy.  IMO, one only qualifies as "sensitive" if he is sensitive to the feelings of others, not just his own.  Of course, being a jerk isn't necessarily intentional.  I know, I've got Asperger's syndrome.



I used to date someone who had Asperger's Syndrome.

I used to date someone who had Asperger's Syndrome.


Ohh.  :o

Ohh.  :o


that girl is no longer with me so we moved on with each other's life.

I know this thread is a few weeks old, but I wanted to comment anyway...

I know all too well how hard it is for a 14 year old boy to comprehend the actions of a "mentally ill" loved one.  Even when you explain at a later date, it's hard for them to separate the actions of the "unmedicated/mentally ill you" from the "medicated/under control you". It's going to take a LONG time before you get back to where you were before, and you may never actually get all the way back because a little part of them may always wonder "what if something happens and he goes back to the way he was?"

I know this thread is a few weeks old, but I wanted to comment anyway...

I know all too well how hard it is for a 14 year old boy to comprehend the actions of a "mentally ill" loved one.  Even when you explain at a later date, it's hard for them to separate the actions of the "unmedicated/mentally ill you" from the "medicated/under control you". It's going to take a LONG time before you get back to where you were before, and you may never actually get all the way back because a little part of them may always wonder "what if something happens and he goes back to the way he was?"


mama_k, Thank you so much for commenting! You put it nicely and I might have to accept that I might lose some people in the process of getting my illness under control. People don't understand what it's like to be ill so they can be quite fearful or sometimes even hurtful (towards me) in their pursuit for self protection.

I'll leave a few years for him to turn around (he's 16, turning 17 in November) and if by a certain time he doesn't come around then I'll have to accept that he might never come around. And if he turns around only partly? Then of course I'll accept his love!

-80sfan-

I am so very confused by this whole thread.  Can we lock it?

If your confused by it then why did you comment in it? How about we lock your mouth?


It's Bill he does these flyby posts some are funny some aren't. He's not really the insensitive jerk he's pretending to be. He's actually a pretty cool guy most of the time.

It's Bill he does these flyby posts some are funny some aren't. He's not really the insensitive jerk he's pretending to be. He's actually a pretty cool guy most of the time.


Aaahh, I see. I erased my comment.  :(

Aaahh, I see. I erased my comment.  :(


You didn't have to. You have a right to be offended. He shouldn't be doing that stuff in TTT we sort of all agreed when this part of the boards was created to treat it like sacred ground. With very few exceptions do we go off topic or make light of the posts in TTT

It's Bill he does these flyby posts some are funny some aren't. He's not really the insensitive jerk he's pretending to be. He's actually a pretty cool guy most of the time.


He does that to me too sometimes.

You didn't have to. You have a right to be offended. He shouldn't be doing that stuff in TTT we sort of all agreed when this part of the boards was created to treat it like sacred ground. With very few exceptions do we go off topic or make light of the posts in TTT


Well, what's done is done. But if you haven't told me I would've been all over him!

So sorry for offending anyone - did not mean to.  it wasn't funny, and I didn't realize TTT was supposed to be serious talk.

He does that to me too sometimes.


Were you confused the first time he did it?

He does that to me too sometimes.


Howie, baby, when have I ever done that to you?

Were you confused the first time he did it?


At first.

So sorry for offending anyone - did not mean to.  it wasn't funny, and I didn't realize TTT was supposed to be serious talk.


*With apologies to 80skids for the brief hijack of the thread*


Tam started TTT boards awhile back (when Mr. Mister was still around) because people wanted a place to have serious discussions without having to deal with random nonsensical posts infiltrating their topics....there was no appropriate place for people to talk about illness, death and tough life issues but because some of us (myself included) have a tendancy to come by and make sarcastic posts to lighten the mood (or stir crap up because we love a good fight) they made this, for lack of a better term,  a "fun free" zone



*back the topic at hand....

I am so very confused by this whole thread.  Can we lock it?


What's to be confused about?  80'sfan had a spat with his nephew, the kid got his head bend ouit of shape, 80fan is asking for help/support/advice, what's not to understand?  So why should we lock it, because YOU don't understand?  I don't think so

What's to be confused about?  80'sfan had a spat with his nephew, the kid got his head bend ouit of shape, 80fan is asking for help/support/advice, what's not to understand?  So why should we lock it, because YOU don't understand?  I don't think so


Uhh, you seem to have missed the boat on this one. 

What's to be confused about?  80'sfan had a spat with his nephew, the kid got his head bend ouit of shape, 80fan is asking for help/support/advice, what's not to understand?  So why should we lock it, because YOU don't understand?  I don't think so


Sir Billzy was joking. Though I gotta admit it wasn't a very good one. ::) ;D

Sir Billzy was joking. Though I gotta admit it wasn't a very good one. ::) ;D


Which is probably why I missed it.  Apparently Sir Billzy missed the idea of this board.