I know it seems weird for someone who doesn't have any kids to start a thread about parenting. Yesterday, we visited with 3 of Carlos' kids. His son & girlfriend just gave birth to their first son a month ago. His youngest daughter and her husband had their first last year, & his second oldest is a single working mom of a 7 year old. His oldest daughter (out in California), has two kids and is basically a stay-at-home mom but does work from home-and they run a small farm. Each one of their situations presents their own problems with raising the kids.

Today being Mother's Day (here in the U.S.), I thought it would be appropriate to start a thread for discussing parenting and children because I know we have a lot of parents here on the boards (and some grandparents, too).

So, if you need some advice or just need to sound off because your son/daughter is being a brat, here is the place to do it.



Cat

My son is great.  He has autism, and is high functioning, and is very well behaved.  Because I have been involved with Special Needs groups I can now recognize the signs that I ignored, or hoped weren't indicative of a child with special needs.  I would like to say to parents of young children out there, if someone tries to tell you your child may have issues, don't ignore them or be in denial.  I did, was, and I hope it didn't seriously impact the gains he was able to make once i was faced with the reality. There is nothing I can do to change the past, but i can do something to help others facing the same issues.

So, I guess this thread is a bust.  :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(



Cat

not yet

Sorry I must have missed it....

I will post, just not in a right frame of mind now...  :P

I had hopes for it.

I have a question-not about parenting per say but about grandparents. When I was growing up, we used to refer to our grandparents by their last name to distinguish which one we were talking about. i.e. Grandma "Smith" or Grandpa "Brown" etc. Our grandkids refer to us by our first name as in Grandma "Cat" or Papa Charlie. Personally, I prefer to be referred to my first name rather than last but I am wondering if this is something new or if it was just in my family that we referred to our grandparents by their last name?



Cat

I have a question-not about parenting per say but about grandparents. When I was growing up, we used to refer to our grandparents by their last name to distinguish which one we were talking about. i.e. Grandma "Smith" or Grandpa "Brown" etc. Our grandkids refer to us by our first name as in Grandma "Cat" or Papa Charlie. Personally, I prefer to be referred to my first name rather than last but I am wondering if this is something new or if it was just in my family that we referred to our grandparents by their last name?



Cat


I also referred to my grandparents by their last name.

I only had one granddad but my grandmothers were Nan and Omi.

My nephew calls his Nana & Papa and Grandma & Granddad, my Nan he called 'Nanny White Hair'.

I have a question-not about parenting per say but about grandparents. When I was growing up, we used to refer to our grandparents by their last name to distinguish which one we were talking about. i.e. Grandma "Smith" or Grandpa "Brown" etc. Our grandkids refer to us by our first name as in Grandma "Cat" or Papa Charlie. Personally, I prefer to be referred to my first name rather than last but I am wondering if this is something new or if it was just in my family that we referred to our grandparents by their last name?



Cat


We used last names when I was growing up.  Since I was the last of my siblings to have children my mum and dad were already established as Grandma and Grandad so Dai's parents became Grandma and Grandpa.

My mother's parents lived with us so we would just call them Grandma and Grandpa, my dad's parents were called Grandma Sophie and Grandpa John.

My kids call my in-laws Grandma and Poppa Bill.  My father (mother deceased) lives 500 miles away, my kids call him Grandpa to his face but if we're talking about him, he is know as Grandpa in New York. 

There was only one person we used a last name for and that was my husband's maternal grandmother.

My mothers parents lived nearby and were Nunnie and Grandpa.  My fathers mother died when he was young and he mostly never talked about her because it was too painful, and his father lived far away and they didn't get along and never talked so he was "your father".

Dad's parents lived across the street and were granma & granpa.  Moms parents were Mama Catalina and Papa Vicen (Vicente).  My kids called my parents Popop & Ita (short for abuelita, diminutive for abuela). They called their mothers  parents Moma Lily and Grandpa Jerry.

I did call my maternal grandfather by his first name. It started with my brother when he was a little boy. He heard my grandmother call him by his first name and my brother repeated that. My mother corrected him and said "That is your grandfather." My grandfather in turn said, "If my grandson wants to call me by my first name, he can do so." So all of us called him Roy-not even "Grandpa Roy" but just Roy.



Cat

I only had one set of grandparents - so they were just grandma and grandpa....


My Children have  Nana (actually Nana goat - is what they call her) and Papa (with Papa B - being great-grandpa, last name starts with a B). Then they have my mother and she is Gandma Nancy -

I have a question-not about parenting per say but about grandparents. When I was growing up, we used to refer to our grandparents by their last name to distinguish which one we were talking about. i.e. Grandma "Smith" or Grandpa "Brown" etc. Our grandkids refer to us by our first name as in Grandma "Cat" or Papa Charlie. Personally, I prefer to be referred to my first name rather than last but I am wondering if this is something new or if it was just in my family that we referred to our grandparents by their last name?


I referred to both my nan and grandads by their last name if needed to indicate who I was talking about.

I referred to both my nan and grandads by their last name if needed to indicate who I was talking about.


My parents picked their own names.  My mother is universally "Grandma."  My dad and my stepmother insisted upon "Gaffer" and "Gammer," and those had not been taken.  They haven't used those names since George V!
:P

My parents picked their own names.  My mother is universally "Grandma."  My dad and my stepmother insisted upon "Gaffer" and "Gammer," and those had not been taken.  They haven't used those names since George V!
:P



Reminds me of Sam from Lord of the Rings.



Cat

Here's a problem I confronted the other day.  My youngest was bitching to me that her mother is much more available to help her older sister with baby sitting etc than to her.  without knowing the facts, what should I have said?  What I did day was non-committal and vague, sort of tea and sympathy but neutral.

The other issue it raised in my mind was what if the one or another  of the four think I treat the others better?

I always referred to my grandparents with last names (at least until all but one died when I was 7.)
My cousin, her mom was stepcousins with her dad (our grandmother married the brother of her mom's dad.) So for my cousin, both sets of grandparents had the same last name, so she would call one set Pappy "Up" and the other set Pappy "Down" based on geographically where the grandparents houses were (one was on a hill, the other in a valley)


Carlos, I think you were right in how you dealt with your situation.  Most of the time when people bitch about something, they just want to be acknowledged and/or blow off steam without actually confronting anyone that can actually modify the situation.

Here's a problem I confronted the other day.  My youngest was bitching to me that her mother is much more available to help her older sister with baby sitting etc than to her.  without knowing the facts, what should I have said?  What I did day was non-committal and vague, sort of tea and sympathy but neutral.

The other issue it raised in my mind was what if the one or another  of the four think I treat the others better?



Too bad they weren't closer because we could step up. You always complain how your ex gets to see more of the kids than we do.



Cat

Mom's: "Nana and Grampa"

Dad's "Grandma and Pops.

Pops was actually my Grandma's second husband after the my real great-grandfather killed himself. 

My father's first impression of Pops is that he was a foppish antiques dealer with connections to the Kennedy family and he's a raging drunk.

Correct on all counts except one Dad hadn't anticipated Though Pops might be 33 years older than my father, my father could outwit Pops, and he never lost a chance to do so.  Pops was also a total lush, which gave him several opportunities.  Sometime it was outright defiance.  Pops would tell Dad to go get a hair cut and Dad would tell Pops to go take a flying ****.

If you don't tel your father to got take a flying f**k, especially 1951!

So then Pops starts kicking the dogcrap outta Dad because he's tired of this sh*t and wants his filial piety!

All affirm that Dad did indeed save himself from Pops, who was completely wasted at the time, by barricading his bedroom door and clime over the branch and down the trunk of an oak at arms length.  Pops had a butcher's knife, running drunk out of his mind in his Hugh Heffner robe chasing the little bastard all over the house!

Pops was a total buttmunch to be sure, but if anybody could make Gandhi himself start swinging a baseball bat, it's my dad!
:o

My own father is about the meanest man you'll ever wish you hadn't met.  He is cruel with his words.  Those insults, that tone of voice, it doesn't go away like a scar or a bruise.  It just rots in your brain as you pray on as many means as the word might have and feel terrible about yourself for the next ten days.  That's why I finally had to stop talking to my father.  He was too goddamned mean.
>:(

I didn't grow up with grandparents nearby... dad's parents died when I was too young to remember.  When we moved to CA, it was just my mom's parents and I called them Grandma & Grandpa.  My grandma's mother I called by her last name...

Ordinary enough.

What was funny though, is my great-grandmother trying to figure out what to call *me*.  I swear she'd go through 6 or 7 names (my mom's, my aunt's, various cousins) before she'd finally remember who I was!!  ;D

My daughter is 9 and I was wondering when and if I should tell her that there is no Santa.  Is 9 too old to still believe?  I don't want kids to make fun of her if the discuss it and she says that she still believes but  I also don't want to break her heart.  :\'( 

The other day she lost a tooth and asked me if there really was a Tooth Fairy and I told her NO but made her promise not to tell her brother (he's 6). I even asked her if there was anthing else she had questions about, hoping she'd ask me about Santa.

I remember my sister telling me about Santa and being heartbroken.  :\'(

My daughter is 9 and I was wondering when and if I should tell her that there is no Santa.  Is 9 too old to still believe?  I don't want kids to make fun of her if the discuss it and she says that she still believes but  I also don't want to break her heart.   :\'( 

The other day she lost a tooth and asked me if there really was a Tooth Fairy and I told her NO but made her promise not to tell her brother (he's 6). I even asked her if there was anthing else she had questions about, hoping she'd ask me about Santa.

I remember my sister telling me about Santa and being heartbroken.   :\'(



WHAT?? THERE IS NO SANTA?? Oh man.  :\'( :\'( :\'(


j/k.


How I would approach it is that you can tell her that Santa isn't really one person but everyone. As long as people do Santa's work, then he does exist. Or something like that. That way she can still keep the idea of Santa without having that childhood innocence shattered. 



Cat

WHAT?? THERE IS NO SANTA?? Oh man.  :\'( :\'( :\'(


j/k.


How I would approach it is that you can tell her that Santa isn't really one person but everyone. As long as people do Santa's work, then he does exist. Or something like that. That way she can still keep the idea of Santa without having that childhood innocence shattered. 



Cat


Sorry.  :(  ;D  ;D

That's a good way of going about it.

I really thought she figured it out when she was about 4.  That Christmas she was full of questions like how Santa could be all over the world in one night and how he got into people's if the didn't have a fireplace.  Then she asked me "Why do you (meaning me) have the same wrapping paper as Santa?"  and "Why is Santa's writing like yours (mine)?".  ;D

I didn't grow up with grandparents nearby... dad's parents died when I was too young to remember.  When we moved to CA, it was just my mom's parents and I called them Grandma & Grandpa.  My grandma's mother I called by her last name...

Ordinary enough.

What was funny though, is my great-grandmother trying to figure out what to call *me*.  I swear she'd go through 6 or 7 names (my mom's, my aunt's, various cousins) before she'd finally remember who I was!!  ;D


My maternal great-grandfather (grandfather's father) got divorced when my Grandpa was thirty and re-married.  This second wife lived to be 98.  When I first saw her, she was the first truly old, old person I ever saw.  Her name was "Louisa," we called her "Aunt Lou"!

In 1976 she gave me a bicentennial quarter and told me to save it because it would be worth a lot of money someday.  I said, "Thank you, Aunt Lou!"  Then I used it to buy a Charleston Chew!
;D

My daughter is 9 and I was wondering when and if I should tell her that there is no Santa.  Is 9 too old to still believe?  I don't want kids to make fun of her if the discuss it and she says that she still believes but  I also don't want to break her heart.   :\'( 

The other day she lost a tooth and asked me if there really was a Tooth Fairy and I told her NO but made her promise not to tell her brother (he's 6). I even asked her if there was anthing else she had questions about, hoping she'd ask me about Santa.

I remember my sister telling me about Santa and being heartbroken.   :\'(



That's a good question Carol, I have been wondering the same thing. Vaughn is 8 years old now, and he has questioned some stuff regarding Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. It's like...I think he already has an inkling, but maybe doesn't want to say anything for fear he won't get any gifts or something.
I just think we like to let them be young for as long as possible. I think the best thing to do is to wait till they start asking questions, and then be honest with them.

That's a good question Carol, I have been wondering the same thing. Vaughn is 8 years old now, and he has questioned some stuff regarding Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. It's like...I think he already has an inkling, but maybe doesn't want to say anything for fear he won't get any gifts or something.
I just think we like to let them be young for as long as possible. I think the best thing to do is to wait till they start asking questions, and then be honest with them.



Yes, it is always important to be honest with kids, but there are ways to be honest without destroying the magic of these events.  So Santa doesn't really come to our house in person, but he tells use...Kids can be weened off the beliefs we inflict upon them without too much trauma with as little bit of finesse

Sorry.  :(  ;D  ;D

That's a good way of going about it.

I really thought she figured it out when she was about 4.  That Christmas she was full of questions like how Santa could be all over the world in one night and how he got into people's if the didn't have a fireplace.  Then she asked me "Why do you (meaning me) have the same wrapping paper as Santa?"  and "Why is Santa's writing like yours (mine)?".   ;D
I remember all those questions when I was little, so I always buy a separate Santa gift wrap, and keep it hidden better than the gifts, ditching all trimmings safely outside in the trash, never to be seen again!  And we have the book about silverspurs (the smallest elf)

My grandparents always gave us at least one present "From Santa."

Well, why didn't he just drop them off at our house?  

Say, what else does Santa forget?  Is Santa going senile?
???

My grandparents always gave us at least one present "From Santa."

Well, why didn't he just drop them off at our house? 

Say, what else does Santa Forget?  Is Santa going senile?
???



;D ;D ;D ;D


I thought that Santa could walk through walls. We didn't have a fireplace but we did have a chimney. My mother told me that he came through the wall in her bedroom (which was next to the chimney).


Cat

;D ;D ;D ;D


I thought that Santa could walk through walls. We didn't have a fireplace but we did have a chimney. My mother told me that he came through the wall in her bedroom (which was next to the chimney).


Cat


We didn't have a fireplace or a chimney.  I don't remember questioning how he got in. 


My grandparents always gave us at least one present "From Santa."

Well, why didn't he just drop them off at our house? 

Say, what else does Santa Forget?  Is Santa going senile?
???


Growing up all my presents came from Santa.  I used to wonder why I had to buy a gift for my parents when they never got one for me.  ;D

With my kids, most of the stuff is from us and the big things (like bikes or T.V.s) come from Santa. 

Growing up all my presents came from Santa.  I used to wonder why I had to buy a gift for my parents when they never got one for me.   ;D

With my kids, most of the stuff is from us and the big things (like bikes or T.V.s) come from Santa. 
  This is funny because at our house Santa gets the things elves make - like dolls, barbies, and such ....  BUT the Big Money Items - those come from dad and mom.  I want them to know, I determine what they get if they are good and what they don't get (and even more so I want the credit ;) )  ;D  I just did it more that way, because honestly can Santa afford to buy everyone DSI... and such ....  never given a bike though (it is always snow on the ground,  so not really a good Christmas gift here), sled's come from Santa though ::) 

Well, I guess I don't need to worry about Megan any more.  Last night she was naming all the kids in her class who didn't believe in Santa, she and two others were the only ones who believed.  She asked me if he was real and I asked her what she thought.  She said she wasn't sure so she begged me to tell her, and I did.  I made her promise not to tell her brother.  She was fine with it, I guess I was worried for nothing.

This morning in the paper, I read this article about a "Princess Boy," a 5 year old boy who loves to wear dresses, jewelry and such. His parents do not have a problem with it but the concern is society.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBBffc0Rtc8

I give his parents a BIG thumbs up for allowing the kid to be who he is.


Any thoughts or comments?



Cat

I can see the worry about other kids and his safety, but there is nothing wrong with letting him be who he is.  The lady that watched my daughter for 10 years had a son who played with barbies until he was almost a teenager.  No biggie.  I think the problem comes when the parents freak out because their boy wants to play with "girl toys" and vice versa.

Honestly, I don't know how I would feel if my son wanted to wear dresses all the time.  I would worry about him being made fun of. I know my daughter would never be seen in public with him if he did this.  ;D

Both of my kids have been exposed to both "girl" toys and "boy" toys.

Hunter has worn make-up and nail polish.  Once Megan was at my neighbor's house having a "girl's night" sleepover, Hunter was mad he couldn't go.  I didn't see him for a while, so I went looking for him.  He was in the bathroom, he had put on one of Megan's dresses and her halloween wig and was in the process of putting on lip-gloss.  He was getting ready to attend "girl's night", it was the funniest thing I've even seen the kid do.

The kid is who he is, and I applaud the parents.  When my daughters were little we bought the "boy toys" trucks and stuff.  I remember my oldest cuddling her "dumfudge".  We got my son dolls, which he drove around the floor as if they were cars - brummm.  Kids are what they are.

I thought that Santa could walk through walls. We didn't have a fireplace but we did have a chimney. My mother told me that he came through the wall in her bedroom (which was next to the chimney).



My childhood was in an old New Hampshire farmhouse with a functioning chimney and an old-fashioned brick hearth and a wooden mantle on which we could hang our stocking.  Aunt Maggie sewed them for us in red with our names embroidered in green.  She must have been, gosh, 23 years old when she made them.  It takes most people 50 years to be able to sew as well as Maggie could.  So the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.  My mom made the best xmas stockings.  My sister left milk and cookies for Santa too.  I'm pretty sure the grownups ate 'em when they were stoned from their own xmas eve libations!
;D

It's one of the few blessings for which I am grateful in a hard childhood. 
:)

Well, I guess I don't need to worry about Megan any more.  Last night she was naming all the kids in her class who didn't believe in Santa, she and two others were the only ones who believed.  She asked me if he was real and I asked her what she thought.  She said she wasn't sure so she begged me to tell her, and I did.  I made her promise not to tell her brother.  She was fine with it, I guess I was worried for nothing.


Relevant to my above post.  I continued to pretend to believe in Santa after I was sure it was mom.  why?  Apparently, it was in my own self-interest to believe in Santa Claus because the benefits were so good!  Ayn Rand's xmas, if you will!
;D


The kid is who he is, and I applaud the parents.  When my daughters were little we bought the "boy toys" trucks and stuff.  I remember my oldest cuddling her "dumfudge".  We got my son dolls, which he drove around the floor as if they were cars - brummm.  Kids are what they are.


I made a lot of noise crashing my Matchbox cars into stuff.  Sometimes I'd smash the cars with rocks and hammers!*  I did used sneak into my sister's room and strip the clothes off her Barbies.  Not much going on.  Even less going on with Ken.  So why was he smiling? If I got stuck with Ken's junk, I sure as hell wouldn't be smiling about it!
:-X

*(they got this car, when it hits the wall, you can see the guy dying
You got little plastic pools of blood
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho (I'm dreaming...)
...intestines...you can see right into his stomach...
There's this other thing, i...
I got bombs, I got rockets, I got a, I got a Stillson wrench
And comes with a tape recorder...
I got plastic brass knuckles
With sound effects
We got a '39 Chevy...

--Frank Zappa
("Uncle Bernie's Farm")

I have a question...

My daughter has a friend that she frequently spends the night with, either at my house or the girl's house.  The girl's parents have gotten divorced not too long ago and the mother now has a "friend".  The last time Megan spent the night I found out when I picked her up that this "friend" is really a boyfriend and he spent the night with the mom. 

Am I wrong for upset about this?  I don't know...I'm confused.  :( :(

I just think that if it were me and I had a boyfriend I would either make him go home or sleep on the couch if a young friend was spending the night. 

I have a question...

My daughter has a friend that she frequently spends the night with, either at my house or the girl's house.  The girl's parents have gotten divorced not too long ago and the mother now has a "friend".  The last time Megan spent the night I found out when I picked her up that this "friend" is really a boyfriend and he spent the night with the mom. 

Am I wrong for upset about this?   I don't know...I'm confused.   :( :(

I just think that if it were me and I had a boyfriend I would either make him go home or sleep on the couch if a young friend was spending the night. 



I would be a bit upset about this, too. You don't really know the guy. The mother should have some scruples and send the guy home if your daughter is spending the night. If I were you, I would talk to the mother and tell her this. And if the mother refuses to do that, then don't let your daughter spend the night there. I know she will be upset about it, but that is how it will have to be. 

One time when Carlos & I were dating, I had some friends visiting (husband, wife, & their two kids). I SOOOO wanted to ask Carlos to spend the night but didn't think it would be fair to my guests. So, he went home. (That was the night that it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was in-love with Carlos-but that is another story.  ;) )


Cat

Maybe it's just me because I've never been divorced, but I have a problem with parents having "friends" spend the night with even just their OWN kids there, I sure as heck wouldn't want MY kids there.  The only exception would be if it was a long-term relationship and I knew the person or if the person was actually LIVING there. I'm a pretty liberal parent, but I don't want my kids exposed to someone's parent "shacking up" with some random person...that's just me.

Thanks, it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.  This isn't a long-term relationship, they've only been together for a couple of months and I've never even met him.  >:(

This isn't really a question, more of a vent...

My sister-in-law has an (almost) 11 month old son.  Every time I talk to my mother-in-law, all I hear about is how the baby "has a mind of his own", doesn't sleep, did this, did that, yada, yada, yada...It's all done in a "he's a brat, but it's so cute" way.  The thing is, it's NOT cute, he is SPOILED ROTTEN!!!!  He "has a mind of his own" and "does what he wants" because they don't tell him "no"....he doesn't sleep because they've created an environment where he will basically only sleep if he's being held, it's DEAD silent, etc.  If he whimpers at all when he's sleeping, they immediately go to him and pick him up so he doesn't know how to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own.  IMO, they also "underfeed" him...the kid is 11 months old and they only give him 4 oz in a bottle at a time!!!  And it's not like that's all he would take, when he "finishes" the bottle, he drains it and fusses a little when you take it away, which, to me, says he wants more, but they won't give him more, they just give him his pacifier.  It's no wonder he doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time and wakes up starving at all hours of the night....he IS!!!  I'm not saying they're neglectful or anything, I just think they're overly cautious because he was 8 weeks premature. He's healthy, but VERY small. Someone also has to be entertaining him at all times because he can't do it himself. He's either being held or someone is on the floor playing with him.  I guess it has gotten to the point where my sister-in-law can't even leave him in his high chair to clean up his dishes after he eats without him crying...well, when you spend every waking moment "entertaining" him for basically 8 months, what do you expect? I made the mistake a few times of voicing my opinion that "maybe" they need to "try to" feed him more, it wouldn't hurt to let him cry a little, etc....I was told in no uncertain terms that "he's THEIR son, I should let THEM raise him how THEY want to."  Since then, I've kept my mouth shut, but I'm getting tired of hearing about how much of a "stinker" he is!  Well, DUH!!!  I know he's still young, but honestly think the poor kid is going to have some SERIOUS issues when he gets older because I don't see things changing any time soon :(

This isn't really a question, more of a vent...

My sister-in-law has an (almost) 11 month old son.  Every time I talk to my mother-in-law, all I hear about is how the baby "has a mind of his own", doesn't sleep, did this, did that, yada, yada, yada...It's all done in a "he's a brat, but it's so cute" way.  The thing is, it's NOT cute, he is SPOILED ROTTEN!!!!  He "has a mind of his own" and "does what he wants" because they don't tell him "no"....he doesn't sleep because they've created an environment where he will basically only sleep if he's being held, it's DEAD silent, etc.  If he whimpers at all when he's sleeping, they immediately go to him and pick him up so he doesn't know how to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own.  IMO, they also "underfeed" him...the kid is 11 months old and they only give him 4 oz in a bottle at a time!!!  And it's not like that's all he would take, when he "finishes" the bottle, he drains it and fusses a little when you take it away, which, to me, says he wants more, but they won't give him more, they just give him his pacifier.  It's no wonder he doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time and wakes up starving at all hours of the night....he IS!!!  I'm not saying they're neglectful or anything, I just think they're overly cautious because he was 8 weeks premature. He's healthy, but VERY small. Someone also has to be entertaining him at all times because he can't do it himself. He's either being held or someone is on the floor playing with him.  I guess it has gotten to the point where my sister-in-law can't even leave him in his high chair to clean up his dishes after he eats without him crying...well, when you spend every waking moment "entertaining" him for basically 8 months, what do you expect? I made the mistake a few times of voicing my opinion that "maybe" they need to "try to" feed him more, it wouldn't hurt to let him cry a little, etc....I was told in no uncertain terms that "he's THEIR son, I should let THEM raise him how THEY want to."  Since then, I've kept my mouth shut, but I'm getting tired of hearing about how much of a "stinker" he is!  Well, DUH!!!  I know he's still young, but honestly think the poor kid is going to have some SERIOUS issues when he gets older because I don't see things changing any time soon :(



I feel for ya. It is really hard when you see someone "ruining" their kid. I look at Carlos' kids with their kids and I am totally amazed that ALL of them are outstanding parents-which goes to show you that Carlos & his ex did an excellent job at raising them.


Cat

This isn't really a question, more of a vent...

My sister-in-law has an (almost) 11 month old son.  Every time I talk to my mother-in-law, all I hear about is how the baby "has a mind of his own", doesn't sleep, did this, did that, yada, yada, yada...It's all done in a "he's a brat, but it's so cute" way.  The thing is, it's NOT cute, he is SPOILED ROTTEN!!!!  He "has a mind of his own" and "does what he wants" because they don't tell him "no"....he doesn't sleep because they've created an environment where he will basically only sleep if he's being held, it's DEAD silent, etc.  If he whimpers at all when he's sleeping, they immediately go to him and pick him up so he doesn't know how to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own.  IMO, they also "underfeed" him...the kid is 11 months old and they only give him 4 oz in a bottle at a time!!!  And it's not like that's all he would take, when he "finishes" the bottle, he drains it and fusses a little when you take it away, which, to me, says he wants more, but they won't give him more, they just give him his pacifier.  It's no wonder he doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time and wakes up starving at all hours of the night....he IS!!!  I'm not saying they're neglectful or anything, I just think they're overly cautious because he was 8 weeks premature. He's healthy, but VERY small. Someone also has to be entertaining him at all times because he can't do it himself. He's either being held or someone is on the floor playing with him.  I guess it has gotten to the point where my sister-in-law can't even leave him in his high chair to clean up his dishes after he eats without him crying...well, when you spend every waking moment "entertaining" him for basically 8 months, what do you expect? I made the mistake a few times of voicing my opinion that "maybe" they need to "try to" feed him more, it wouldn't hurt to let him cry a little, etc....I was told in no uncertain terms that "he's THEIR son, I should let THEM raise him how THEY want to."  Since then, I've kept my mouth shut, but I'm getting tired of hearing about how much of a "stinker" he is!  Well, DUH!!!  I know he's still young, but honestly think the poor kid is going to have some SERIOUS issues when he gets older because I don't see things changing any time soon :(


When my kids were babies (infants) they would take 4oz. at a time.  When they were 11 months old they would have more like 8 oz. plus food.  Seems like too little especially if he's waking up during the night starving. 

You could suggest they make more formula (or is he on milk?) or you could say something like "When my kids were 11mos old they were downing 6oz or 8oz." 

Then again, you might just want to keep you mouth shut and change the subject.  ;D

I have a question...

My daughter has a friend that she frequently spends the night with, either at my house or the girl's house.  The girl's parents have gotten divorced not too long ago and the mother now has a "friend".  The last time Megan spent the night I found out when I picked her up that this "friend" is really a boyfriend and he spent the night with the mom. 

Am I wrong for upset about this?   I don't know...I'm confused.   :( :(

I just think that if it were me and I had a boyfriend I would either make him go home or sleep on the couch if a young friend was spending the night. 


As a divorced father I was on the other side of this dilemma.  After I divorced, my X got physical custody, and I knew that she had a few "friends" although I don't know where she "entertained" them.  And yes, it did bother me, or better, worry me, on several levels.
But frankly, I was more worried a few years later, when she developed a relationship with a younger man (my x was/is about 50 lbs over weight and has a figure like a rather droopy gunny sack), but my youngest was 13-15 years old, so what was that about?  In that case it turned out OK, my youngest is as tough as nails, and made it really clear from the start that she didn't like the guy.  Although...why?

So yeah, I'd be a bit more than uncomfortable with that arrangement. 

If you know the women you might suggest that when she entertains her "special friends" that her daughter visit yours - or not

And these fears are not paranoia.  There have been many cases of mother "ignoring" boyfriends who molest their daughters

I agree with everyone else, Carol.  Your daughter is over there and you expect her to be safe.  If you don't know him and trust him you have every right to be mad.

This isn't really a question, more of a vent...

My sister-in-law has an (almost) 11 month old son.  Every time I talk to my mother-in-law, all I hear about is how the baby "has a mind of his own", doesn't sleep, did this, did that, yada, yada, yada...It's all done in a "he's a brat, but it's so cute" way.  The thing is, it's NOT cute, he is SPOILED ROTTEN!!!!  He "has a mind of his own" and "does what he wants" because they don't tell him "no"....he doesn't sleep because they've created an environment where he will basically only sleep if he's being held, it's DEAD silent, etc.  If he whimpers at all when he's sleeping, they immediately go to him and pick him up so he doesn't know how to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own.  IMO, they also "underfeed" him...the kid is 11 months old and they only give him 4 oz in a bottle at a time!!!  And it's not like that's all he would take, when he "finishes" the bottle, he drains it and fusses a little when you take it away, which, to me, says he wants more, but they won't give him more, they just give him his pacifier.  It's no wonder he doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time and wakes up starving at all hours of the night....he IS!!!  I'm not saying they're neglectful or anything, I just think they're overly cautious because he was 8 weeks premature. He's healthy, but VERY small. Someone also has to be entertaining him at all times because he can't do it himself. He's either being held or someone is on the floor playing with him.  I guess it has gotten to the point where my sister-in-law can't even leave him in his high chair to clean up his dishes after he eats without him crying...well, when you spend every waking moment "entertaining" him for basically 8 months, what do you expect? I made the mistake a few times of voicing my opinion that "maybe" they need to "try to" feed him more, it wouldn't hurt to let him cry a little, etc....I was told in no uncertain terms that "he's THEIR son, I should let THEM raise him how THEY want to."  Since then, I've kept my mouth shut, but I'm getting tired of hearing about how much of a "stinker" he is!  Well, DUH!!!  I know he's still young, but honestly think the poor kid is going to have some SERIOUS issues when he gets older because I don't see things changing any time soon :(


I get your rant.  Seen it many times with overprotective parents, especially first time patent, and as first timers, there ain't thing one you can do about it - unless you are willing to express your concerns to their pediatrician, or more extreme, Child welfare (they do need to feed him more).  If you know her mother, you might approach her, although she would probably get the same response - we listened politely to our mothers-in-law, and did what we thought best, although we nursed all of them on demand, gave them solid food when they asked (my oldest grabbed a hunk of meat off my plate - my grand daughter did the same).  Apparently, your SIL has no other "outside" support, like La Leche League, which she should seek out

I get your rant.  Seen it many times with overprotective parents, especially first time patent, and as first timers, there ain't thing one you can do about it - unless you are willing to express your concerns to their pediatrician, or more extreme, Child welfare (they do need to feed him more).  If you know her mother, you might approach her, although she would probably get the same response - we listened politely to our mothers-in-law, and did what we thought best, although we nursed all of them on demand, gave them solid food when they asked (my oldest grabbed a hunk of meat off my plate - my grand daughter did the same).  Apparently, your SIL has no other "outside" support, like La Leche League, which she should seek out


I didn't know there was such a thing as Le Leche League!
http://www.llli.org/

I didn't know there was such a thing as Le Leche League!
http://www.llli.org/


My second daughter is a leader, also a post birth nurse

I get your rant.  Seen it many times with overprotective parents, especially first time patent, and as first timers, there ain't thing one you can do about it - unless you are willing to express your concerns to their pediatrician, or more extreme, Child welfare (they do need to feed him more).  If you know her mother, you might approach her, although she would probably get the same response - we listened politely to our mothers-in-law, and did what we thought best, although we nursed all of them on demand, gave them solid food when they asked (my oldest grabbed a hunk of meat off my plate - my grand daughter did the same).  Apparently, your SIL has no other "outside" support, like La Leche League, which she should seek out
It's my husband's sister so I definitely know her mother ;)  The thing is, she doesn't see an issue, either.  Her attitude is "it's THEIR child...."  Believe me, I've brought it up to her and was basically told to mind my own business.  My MIL is the type of person whose children can do no wrong so it won't do any good to push the issue. I don't really think it's at a point where child welfare needs to get involved because he IS growing, just very slowly.  And you are absolutely right when you say "overprotective"....in fact, IMO, that's an understatement ;)  You know when you hear about kids screaming with separation anxiety on the first day of school?  That will be him....

It's my husband's sister so I definitely know her mother ;)  The thing is, she doesn't see an issue, either.  Her attitude is "it's THEIR child...."  Believe me, I've brought it up to her and was basically told to mind my own business.  My MIL is the type of person whose children can do no wrong so it won't do any good to push the issue. I don't really think it's at a point where child welfare needs to get involved because he IS growing, just very slowly.  And you are absolutely right when you say "overprotective"....in fact, IMO, that's an understatement ;)  You know when you hear about kids screaming with separation anxiety on the first day of school?  That will be him....


Another angle might be to express your concerns to the kid's doctor.  Otherwise, I guess all you can do is grin and bear it.  I must say that our parenting techniques sort of dismayed the in laws, but for different reasons.  And thank the goddess that my kids are doing a great job with the grands.  All I can say is good luck, and do what you can

I didn't know there was such a thing as Le Leche League!
http://www.llli.org/


For every topic, there exists at least one XKCD.  This comic got posted just about the same time you posted that :)

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/milk.png

The bigger they are, the more likely their owner is to be able to provide nutrients for any offspring.  Sir Mix-a-Lot made a similar observation about the width of the birth canal and the probability of successfully passing offspring with a large cranium.  We're evolved to be attracted to secondary sexual characteristics. 

But as much as I enjoy looking at boobs, (and as much as this next little fact disappoints me), that's not what they're for.  They're actually for feeding sprog, not ogling.  Bummer, but that's reality.

So I have no problems with the LLL nuts.  I'll mock their stridency and militancy, but their fundamental point is correct: a woman feeding her offspring at the food court should be viewed as something no more sexual than a dude eating a slice of pizza.  Guys, there's a whole internet of pr0n out there for you, stop ogling someone who's just having lunch.  LLL freaks, good on ya for whipping 'em out and freaking the mundanes, but stop taking yourselves so seriously. 

For every topic, there exists at least one XKCD.  This comic got posted just about the same time you posted that :)

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/milk.png

The bigger they are, the more likely their owner is to be able to provide nutrients for any offspring.  Sir Mix-a-Lot made a similar observation about the width of the birth canal and the probability of successfully passing offspring with a large cranium.  We're evolved to be attracted to secondary sexual characteristics. 

But as much as I enjoy looking at boobs, (and as much as this next little fact disappoints me), that's not what they're for.  They're actually for feeding sprog, not ogling.  Bummer, but that's reality.

So I have no problems with the LLL nuts.  I'll mock their stridency and militancy, but their fundamental point is correct: a woman feeding her offspring at the food court should be viewed as something no more sexual than a dude eating a slice of pizza.  Guys, there's a whole internet of pr0n out there for you, stop ogling someone who's just having lunch.  LLL freaks, good on ya for whipping 'em out and freaking the mundanes, but stop taking yourselves so seriously. 


When Granddaughter #1 was only a few months old, we all went out to dinner. At the table, my step-daughter (Carlos' daughter), fed her. I could hear the old lady at another table saying, "Disgusting." What's disgusting about it? It is natural-women have been doing that such the beginning of time as well as ALL mammals on this earth. My step-daughter had a comment for people who would tell her that she should go into the ladies room to breast feed. "Would you like to eat in the bathroom? She wouldn't."

There were many years that they tried to discourage women from breast feeding. (Most people in my generation probably wasn't.) But now, they are encouraging women to if they can. The health benefits are great. My youngest step-daughter told us that her dental hygienist is trying to tell her that she shouldn't breast feed because it can cause cavities now that Granddaughter #4 has teeth. My step-daughter is like, "Yeah, right! I'm gonna stop just because it MAY cause cavities when there are more health benefits to continue?" In other words, most people who tell women that they should stop don't know diddly squat about it.


Cat

Another angle might be to express your concerns to the kid's doctor.  



Exactly what I was thinking.  He should be having regular check ups, especially since he is a premie.  Dotors visit will tell them if he is underweight and/or not getting the nutrition he needs.

The bigger they are, the more likely their owner is to be able to provide nutrients for any offspring. 


Well, that's bollocks though, ain't it?  Size has nothing to do with quality or quantity expressed.  For instance, I saw this one Japanese video in which (apply Rule 34). 

The prevailing theory is large breasts resemble buttocks, which are closer in proximity to the reproductive organs.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/downtown.gif

The prevailing theory is large breasts resemble buttocks, which are closer in proximity to the reproductive organs.


This I will also accept.  In either case, a female who's got enough access to nutrients to sprout (something of interest to Joe Walsh or Sir-Mix-a-Lot) has enough of an energy reserve to finish the job.  Sure, there are limits - and our society's the first in human history to have obesity as more of a problem for poor people than wealthy ones - but there's a reason Reuben painted those chicks the way he did.  Or he was just kinda freaky like that. 

Do you think my old friend who's father died on Sunday and his Mother passed away in May of 1996,Should he now start taking care of his down syndrome brother and sister who are almost 20, he was dubbed The Mother and Father of the household but he also has his younger brother who is in his mid 30's,Now he has to take care of some bills,pay them off and do what he needs to do.

Do you think my old friend who's father died on Sunday and his Mother passed away in May of 1996,Should he now start taking care of his down syndrome brother and sister who are almost 20, he was dubbed The Mother and Father of the household but he also has his younger brother who is in his mid 30's,Now he has to take care of some bills,pay them off and do what he needs to do.



It depends if he is capable of taking care of them. I am not just talking about financially capable but also physically & emotionally capable of it.



Cat

It depends if he is capable of taking care of them. I am not just talking about financially capable but also physically & emotionally capable of it.



Cat


My Friend Randy he could take care of them,It's been a struggle for almost 18 years,He's stressed out from them sometimes,It's hard taking care of Down Syndrome people but he said he'll try to get some money together and his sister Wendy goes to a special program that pays her 50 dollars to do chores and help her family too so at least that's some money.