I am not sure if I have offended anyone in the past month. I know I have offended myself a few times.
And I am not trying to make excuses for my behaviour, because there are none.

I have had issues lately, stemming from Nasty being deployed, losing my Mother last year and my birthday rolling by.

This was my first birthday that I was unable to talk to my Mother.
She was such an integral part of me, I guess I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be, to not be able to talk to her when I wanted to the most.
Of course, I still talk to her, but without response - it hurts so much.
And I only talk to Nasty once a week, which makes it hard as well. Those calls are only 20 minutes long, hardly long enough to be able to get into a good conversation.
I put on a good face for him though - because he doesn't need added worry about me while he is deployed.
And then to top things off, some of my good friends are going through health issues with either themselves or their families.
Worry and depression are eating me from the inside out.
I feel lost right now, because I always try to be the one with a good word and positive outlook, but I can't find that within.

I have called for grief counselling again, and so I am waiting for an appointment.
I thank you all for your patience with me.
And of course I thank you for your friendship.

Tam

I hope you know if you EVER need to talk, I'm only a phone call away.



Cat

Wow Tam....you really hide this stuff well. I had no idea...and I know I certainly give plenty of cause for angst! I appreciate the way you deal with everyone on the boards (with good humor and fairness).

I will keep you in my prayers .... and if you should ever need a slightly warped point of view...I'm around here most days!  :)

You have my prayers, Tam.  Lots of love and {{{{hugs}}}} headed your way from me.

hang in there

I haven't found you in the least bit offensive but maybe that's because I'm so bitchy, I just appreciate it in other people.  ;D

Seriously though, I think this forum is about more than joking around and having fun.  People really care about eachother here and I care about you!  If you'd ever like to, please pm me, even if it's just to say "GRRRRR".  I'm a great listener! 

Hang in there, Tam.

I never noticed anything, you always seem happy.
Keep ya in my prayers...

I hope you know if you EVER need to talk, I'm only a phone call away.



Cat


me too!!!

and no need for apologies..... you've been dealing with a lot!


Hugs Tam!!!!  :-*

Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts everyone. ;)

I am the type of person who normally doesn't complain at all. If there is something bothering me or going on, I am good at keeping it to myself. I learned that through deployments. It is easier on everyone else if I maintain the status quo, not to mention that a constant complainer is annoying beyond belief. And I don't like to show my weakness. For some reason, to me, if I were to show that then those around me would see that I don't quite have it all together like they think. I don't like it when people think I need their help. Of course, I am appreciative of them and their help, but I am the last person to ask for any.

And especially here - I feel like I can come and disguise everything that is going on with a smiley. I don't have to answer to the things that are bothering me and I can ignore what the bother is. Of course, once I leave here everything is still there, but at least I had a few minutes where nothing else mattered. Sad but true, I don't think I am as strong in person as my internet personality is.

But at least I am working on it - or trying to. I know recently I have said a few harsh things to people, be it here or in my life, and I know when apologies are needed.
I used to try to live by "That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" but seriously - I am not Atlas. Carrying this weight sucks!

So yeah, thanks again for your kinds words, thoughts and prayers!

{{{Hugs}}} and karma and you have my number if you need to talk, Tam.

Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts everyone. ;)


But at least I am working on it - or trying to. I know recently I have said a few harsh things to people, be it here or in my life, and I know when apologies are needed.
I used to try to live by "That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" but seriously - I am not Atlas. Carrying this weight sucks!
So yeah, thanks again for your kinds words, thoughts and prayers!


stronger?

Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts everyone. ;)

I am the type of person who normally doesn't complain at all. If there is something bothering me or going on, I am good at keeping it to myself. I learned that through deployments. It is easier on everyone else if I maintain the status quo, not to mention that a constant complainer is annoying beyond belief. And I don't like to show my weakness. For some reason, to me, if I were to show that then those around me would see that I don't quite have it all together like they think. I don't like it when people think I need their help. Of course, I am appreciative of them and their help, but I am the last person to ask for any.

And especially here - I feel like I can come and disguise everything that is going on with a smiley. I don't have to answer to the things that are bothering me and I can ignore what the bother is. Of course, once I leave here everything is still there, but at least I had a few minutes where nothing else mattered. Sad but true, I don't think I am as strong in person as my internet personality is.

But at least I am working on it - or trying to. I know recently I have said a few harsh things to people, be it here or in my life, and I know when apologies are needed.
I used to try to live by "That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" but seriously - I am not Atlas. Carrying this weight sucks!

So yeah, thanks again for your kinds words, thoughts and prayers!

Hang in there Tam... I'm sure things will gradually improve. Sorry you've felt so dismal.

Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts everyone. ;)

I am the type of person who normally doesn't complain at all. If there is something bothering me or going on, I am good at keeping it to myself. I learned that through deployments. It is easier on everyone else if I maintain the status quo, not to mention that a constant complainer is annoying beyond belief. And I don't like to show my weakness. For some reason, to me, if I were to show that then those around me would see that I don't quite have it all together like they think. I don't like it when people think I need their help. Of course, I am appreciative of them and their help, but I am the last person to ask for any.

And especially here - I feel like I can come and disguise everything that is going on with a smiley. I don't have to answer to the things that are bothering me and I can ignore what the bother is. Of course, once I leave here everything is still there, but at least I had a few minutes where nothing else mattered. Sad but true, I don't think I am as strong in person as my internet personality is.

But at least I am working on it - or trying to. I know recently I have said a few harsh things to people, be it here or in my life, and I know when apologies are needed.
I used to try to live by "That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" but seriously - I am not Atlas. Carrying this weight sucks!

So yeah, thanks again for your kinds words, thoughts and prayers!



Man, when I read this, I thought you were writing about me.

You are not alone in your feelings and you are not alone in this trying time in your life. I'm sure I can speak for many people here who are willing to have you lean on us. Maybe we can help you carry that weight and make it a bit lighter if you will let us.

We are here for you.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ses7Y4oaxY 

My prayers are with ya girl. Love you! :)

Oh Tam, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I understand that lost feeling very well, especially when the people you need around you are not there. It goes without saying that if you would like a friendly chat or a talk about anything, I am there for you too. :)

My love and prayers are with you.

A week later, how are you feeling?

Big virtual hugs girlie. I'm always here if you need me and usually at the hours no one else is due to the time difference! love you. x

Man, when I read this, I thought you were writing about me.

Same here.  Been plodding along in my own life. merely existing, not wanting to be a burden to anyone with unexplained feelings of "blah" (for lack of better terminology.)


You are not alone in your feelings and you are not alone in this trying time in your life. I'm sure I can speak for many people here who are willing to have you lean on us. Maybe we can help you carry that weight and make it a bit lighter if you will let us.

We are here for you.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Cat


What she said goes for me as well.  I know I'm not really know for being enthusiastically uplifting, but I do want to be supportive in my own quiet way.  If ever you need a sympathetic ear (without trying to "fix" something...I'm good at that.)  For what that's worth.

I'm just a phone call, text, or e-mail away.  For anyone and everyone.

A week later, how are you feeling?


Thanks for asking Frank.

Just over a week later and I am doing ok.
I went to the grief counselor yesterday - what a relief that was.
Well, I mean a relief in that I actually got to talk to someone who is outside of things, and I liked that she didn't try and tell me what to think or do.
It actually felt like a bit of weight was lifted.

I also sat down a few nights ago and had a great chat with The Son. It also helped A LOT.

I haven't heard from Nasty, but I am sure I will get a call from him tomorrow. Every Saturday is the deal. Gah! I miss him so much.

Things aren't perfect, no where near, but I am working on it from here.


;)

Thanks for asking Frank.

Just over a week later and I am doing ok.
I went to the grief counselor yesterday - what a relief that was.
Well, I mean a relief in that I actually got to talk to someone who is outside of things, and I liked that she didn't try and tell me what to think or do.
It actually felt like a bit of weight was lifted.

I also sat down a few nights ago and had a great chat with The Son. It also helped A LOT.

I haven't heard from Nasty, but I am sure I will get a call from him tomorrow. Every Saturday is the deal. Gah! I miss him so much.

Things aren't perfect, no where near, but I am working on it from here.


;)
good counselors/therapists can be priceless. if you like the counselor, can you keep seeing her/him as needed on a weekly basis or something. plus you got all your brothers and sisters dad's here if you need someone urgently.

Many ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you.  Hope you're feeling better.  :)