I'm sure many of you have been reading how my mother has fallen a few times, broke her wrist, etc. etc. Yeah, she now has one of those Lifeline buttons which I wonder if that is enough. There will be a time when she will no longer be able to live alone and go into a retirement community. It will not be pretty because she doesn't want to leave her home but I think she knows that the time will come.

Next month, Carlos' dad & sister are going to be visiting (to attend Carlos' daughter's wedding) but his dad had a concern about visiting-the bathtub. That is a legitimate concern that Carlos & I never thought of. So now, we are looking into putting a bar on the wall, a grip that hooks to the tub, & getting a shower seat. Yeah, it will cost $$ for a short trip but it is his dad and he SOOO worth it.

Dealing with these issues got me to think that I'm sure there are many of us here who have to elderly parents or grandparents and are dealing with some of these issues. I don't think this topic has ever been discussed on the board so I figured I would start a thread.

What have been some of your concerns/issues when dealing with elderly family members?



Cat

Great topic, Cat! I have the pleasure of being able to assist elderly individuals with developmental handicaps as my job. It's been very rewarding being able to help these folks on a daily basis.  2 of the 3 gentleman that I assist have to use walkers and they have difficulty getting in and out of the bathtub. Recently our agency decided to revamp their bathroom, and as I speak we are getting a brand new shower equipped with the grab bars, etc installed. I am so glad they are doing this, it will be so much easier for the guys to be showered.

There are so many little things that we have to take extra caution with concerning the elderly clients. From safety issues regarding things like showers/bathtubs/etc...to issues with eating/drinking (one individual has to have this powder called "thick it" added to anything he drinks or eats that happens to be liquid"....to help him swallow and not choke).

I have a real heart for helping the elderly, infact, I plan to go back to school to get my RN and then specialize in geriatric nursing someday. :)

Great topic, Cat! I have the pleasure of being able to assist elderly individuals with developmental handicaps as my job. It's been very rewarding being able to help these folks on a daily basis.  2 of the 3 gentleman that I assist have to use walkers and they have difficulty getting in and out of the bathtub. Recently our agency decided to revamp their bathroom, and as I speak we are getting a brand new shower equipped with the grab bars, etc installed. I am so glad they are doing this, it will be so much easier for the guys to be showered.

There are so many little things that we have to take extra caution with concerning the elderly clients. From safety issues regarding things like showers/bathtubs/etc...to issues with eating/drinking (one individual has to have this powder called "thick it" added to anything he drinks or eats that happens to be liquid"....to help him swallow and not choke).

I have a real heart for helping the elderly, infact, I plan to go back to school to get my RN and then specialize in geriatric nursing someday. :)


erin... when my parents get to that point I will fly you out here... I do not have the intestinal fortitude to deal with caregiving  It just ain't my thing... my parents should have had more kids  :-\\

erin... when my parents get to that point I will fly you out here... I do not have the intestinal fortitude to deal with caregiving  It just ain't my thing... my parents should have had more kids  :-\\



I don't have the fortitude to deal with it either. I am lucky because two of my sisters are basically dealing with most of my mother's issues-not just her medical care & such but also her financial and other issues-well as much as they can. Both of them are executrices of her will-they are trying to get her to make sure her will is written in a way that won't be too much of a burden on us. As of now, my mother's will is written so her church will have an equal amount as all of us kids. The thing is, my mother doesn't have much-her house basically. We are afraid that the church will prevent us from taking family heirlooms & such. We are trying to convince her to just write something that says that the church would get so much $$$ and leave it at that. But Ma thinks that things are fine the way they are and she doesn't believe that her church would do that. She doesn't know about the history that many churches have done to get $$$$ out of people. I have heard many horror stories.



Cat 

erin... when my parents get to that point I will fly you out here... I do not have the intestinal fortitude to deal with caregiving  It just ain't my thing... my parents should have had more kids  :-\\


When is the ones you love you won't feel that way.

I know it seems strange but if your parents are in total mental capacity at the time then they will be the ones who will feel worse about it.
When someone who had an independent life needs that special care what hurts the most is knowing they're being a burden to their family. Mentally that's a lot more to take than the everyday care you'll have to give them. If you love them you'll have to stop putting yourself first.

When is the ones you love you won't feel that way.



That's very true.

My grandma fell and fractured her pelvis a little over a month ago.  She was unable to walk or care for herself in any way.  My uncle and I became her primary caregivers.  I never thought that I would be able to do some of the things that needed to be done, but when it came down to it, I had absolutely no problem caring for her.  I love her.  I would do anything for her.  She had a much more difficult time with it than I did.  She is doing a million times better now - she ended up going into a rehab center for about a week at the urging of her doctor, and she is back at home now.  She is walking with a walker, and can now bathe herself and do other things like that. 

I have 3 other uncles, plus my dad and 3 sisters, and dozens of cousins, none of which have even been to visit my grandma.  That just blows my mind.  I get that maybe it's hard for them to see her this way, but I don't think they realize that they are the ones who are losing.  My grandma and I have become so close in the past few weeks, and I will be forever grateful for that.  I have gotten to know her as a friend, not just as my grandmother.  We have always been close, but we are at a completely different level now.  I haven't just taken care of her, I have gotten to sit and talk to her for hours.  And I wouldn't trade that for the world.  Am I exhausted?  Sure.  There have been some really difficult times, but in the end, it's totally worth it.  She is incredible.

When is the ones you love you won't feel that way.

I know it seems strange but if your parents are in total mental capacity at the time then they will be the ones who will feel worse about it.
When someone who had an independent life needs that special care what hurts the most is knowing they're being a burden to their family. Mentally that's a lot more to take than the everyday care you'll have to give them. If you love them you'll have to stop putting yourself first.


I have to disagree Is... I went home to help my mom out after my dad's surgery but she'd had her fill and she left me there while she went home to Holland.... I do not have it..... at all...  I resented it and him for every minute of it. I'm going to have to start saving for care later or something..  :(

I think we should all bear in mind that this is a situation we will all be in one day.  I have already started planning on what I will need to stay in my home as I get older, as well as care options(this is a difficult subject but can't be ignored) for when I cannot take care of myself.  Since Youngone is developmentally delayed he will not be able to do the things that need to be done.  I think most people go on as if they will live forever, and never actually need care.

I have to disagree Is... I went home to help my mom out after my dad's surgery but she'd had her fill and she left me there while she went home to Holland.... I do not have it..... at all...  I resented it and him for every minute of it. I'm going to have to start saving for care later or something..  :(
I agree, been there done that. 

I would also say it depends on the level of care a person needs and also your relationship with that person. I would probably wouldn't even last a week if I had to care for either my mother or sister. Good god I find them hard enough work now!!  ;D

My wife and I are the caregivers to my Father, he had a stroke about 6 years ago and it left him with a mental capacity of a
toddler. He is not capable of doing everyday things on his own so he needs assistance to do anything. Since my Mom died
last August the job has been left to us, well really my wife. This is where I tell you how much of a saint my wife is. I work
all week so the task is hers until I get home and she does a wonderful job. I give her breaks at night and on weekends but
it is still a trying job.

I look at it this way: My parents took care of my needs for 18 years, now it's my turn to pay them back.

I agree, been there done that. 

I would also say it depends on the level of care a person needs and also your relationship with that person. I would probably wouldn't even last a week if I had to care for either my mother or sister. Good god I find them hard enough work now!!  ;D


I hear ya!  ;D

My wife and I are the caregivers to my Father, he had a stroke about 6 years ago and it left him with a mental capacity of a
toddler. He is not capable of doing everyday things on his own so he needs assistance to do anything. Since my Mom died
last August the job has been left to us, well really my wife. This is where I tell you how much of a saint my wife is. I work
all week so the task is hers until I get home and she does a wonderful job. I give her breaks at night and on weekends but
it is still a trying job.

I look at it this way: My parents took care of my needs for 18 years, now it's my turn to pay them back.


that truly is amazing... I admire your wife...and you for stepping in when you're not at your other job. Some husbands wouldn't *even for their own parents*

my parents totally got robbed  ;)

My wife and I are the caregivers to my Father, he had a stroke about 6 years ago and it left him with a mental capacity of a
toddler. He is not capable of doing everyday things on his own so he needs assistance to do anything. Since my Mom died
last August the job has been left to us, well really my wife. This is where I tell you how much of a saint my wife is. I work
all week so the task is hers until I get home and she does a wonderful job. I give her breaks at night and on weekends but
it is still a trying job.

I look at it this way: My parents took care of my needs for 18 years, now it's my turn to pay them back.



karma to you and your wife, Kevin. I feel the same way about my parents. They loved and cared for me when I needed them...I will gladly do the same for them. :)

that truly is amazing... I admire your wife...and you for stepping in when you're not at your other job. Some husbands wouldn't *even for their own parents*

my parents totally got robbed  ;)


Thanks Q, my wife has to be a saint, I don't know how she puts up with me, let alone my dad.  ;D




karma to you and your wife, Kevin. I feel the same way about my parents. They loved and cared for me when I needed them...I will gladly do the same for them. :)


Thanks Erin, That's the reason I didn't make it back for the night get together in Philly, there was no one to watch my dad.  :(
The Boy said he would do it but I told him to go in my stead, meet the gang and see what great people they are. I don't regret
my decision one bit.  ;D

Thanks Q, my wife has to be a saint, I don't know how she puts up with me, let alone my dad.  ;D


Thanks Erin, That's the reason I didn't make it back for the night get together in Philly, there was no one to watch my dad.  :(
The Boy said he would do it but I told him to go in my stead, meet the gang and see what great people they are. I don't regret
my decision one bit.  ;D




we missed you guys!

Thanks Q, my wife has to be a saint, I don't know how she puts up with me, let alone my dad.  ;D


Thanks Erin, That's the reason I didn't make it back for the night get together in Philly, there was no one to watch my dad.  :(
The Boy said he would do it but I told him to go in my stead, meet the gang and see what great people they are. I don't regret
my decision one bit.  ;D

I would have loved to meet up with you again but it was very cool to meet Tim.

It's food for thought reading what you guys say. I guess it does depend on the level of care needed. As I said before I have a difficult relationship with my Mum and I know I would struggle more if I had to care for her than say for my Dad who I am very close to. Sorry Mum  :-\\ it's not that I don't love her because I do, it's just she drives me nuts!

If it was Himself I wouldn't think twice of course.

we missed you guys!



I would have loved to meet up with you again but it was very cool to meet Tim.

It's food for thought reading what you guys say. I guess it does depend on the level of care needed. As I said before I have a difficult relationship with my Mum and I know I would struggle more if I had to care for her than say for my Dad who I am very close to. Sorry Mum  :-\\ it's not that I don't love her because I do, it's just she drives me nuts!

If it was Himself I wouldn't think twice of course.


It's hard to explain but I regret not going back but I don't regret sending The Boy, if that makes any sense.  ???
When he told me about the great time he had I was sad that I missed out but glad that he didn't. oh well.

Back on topic, Elderly care isn't for everyone, it takes a certain mind set. I admire people who care for the elderly when
they are of no relation, if it wasn't my dad I don't think I would have the patience for the care he needs. My brother
does nothing to help in his care, It's not that he doesn't love him, it's just he wouldn't be able to handle the responsability.

I repeat you guys are amazing.... honestly...

if I ever post here that I have gone to AZ to take care of my dad.... and then I post a couple days later that he is gone.... you might have to wonder if the passing was natural or not  :D    Just kidding.... love ya dad!!!! when you're in another state that is!  ;)

I feel the same way as so many here.  My parents took care of me (and to a certain extent still are), so I do what I can for them (which isn't much, but I do everything I am capable of).

Last October (on my 40th b'day as it happened), my dad fell and broke his hip.  My mom called me on Sunday to tell me they were doing emergency surgery.  We went right over.  I took time off work while he was in the hospital, then we would go over after work as we could.  We also started going over every other weekend to help my mom care for him.  My mom relied on me for help figuring out the medical stuff and fight various companies regarding charges (i.e., the propane, the phone, etc.).  She made sure my name was on everything so I could talk to anyone (financial person, medical people, attorney, etc).

Last June (08), we went over for a weekend to celebrate my dad's birthday.  We ended up putting my mom in the hospital.  I called various co-workers and bosses on Sunday to work things out.  Went home Monday a.m. for clothes and work.  Spent the next 2 1/2 weeks going back and forth taking care of my dad, visiting mom in hospital, and making Micah's soccer banquet.  We were also planning her graduation open house.

My mom has gladly put me in charge of all things medical.  I make the appointments, drive them back and forth to them, and talk with the doctors.  She trusts me so much, she doesn't even go to my dad's appointments with him anymore.  I think she would like to have me in charge of their finances, too, but my dad won't hear of it (I don't think he wants me to know how bad things are for them financially).  This is where I wish I could be more help, but I just got a 3% raise and bring home $15 less per check because my insurance has gone up so much.

I try to go over every other weekend and if I can't, go as close to that schedule as I can.  I try to take a Friday off at least once a month (sometimes I get lucky with holidays like this week) so I can hang with them Friday afternoon and get up and start cleaning on Saturday.  It takes anywhere from 4-6 hours to clean their house.  I take longer when I do the windows inside and out (they live on a lake, so the entire front of their house is large windows/glass sliding doors).

My mom talked to the nurse the day before his first surgery and told them I would be bringing him.  When the nurse asked if they could talk to me, she told them that they better because I run the show.   ;D ;D ;D   Makes me feel good that she trusts me to handle this stuff.  She will also still occasionally ask me for help with bills, too.  I am more than happy to help any way I can.  I can't even tell you how good I felt when I was able to call her in Florida 2 winters ago and tell her that her Verizon bill was taken care of and she didn't have to worry about it anymore (we were disputing some charges and after several calls, I got a very helpful CSR).

If I had the money, I would move them to GR into assisted living.  However, we can't do anything until they sell the house because I just don't have the money for it.  Even after we sell, I don't know if it will be enough.  :-\\

My bro lives in Florida, so I'm all they have right now.  He just got his CNA license, so he will be useful in the near future.

Taking care of our kids and taking care of our parents is what makes us the "sandwich generation"

Several years ago (before I even moved in with Carlos), my mother broke her leg. She needed help. Since I was the only one who didn't have a family, a job, or other obligations, she asked me to come to help her-in fact, she almost begged me to. How could I refused. That was basically the week from hell. My mother treated me like her personal slave. I was TRYING to do everything she asked me but I kept telling her that I only had two hands. Then her best friend was also in the picture and she treated me like a slave also. And then I had one of them telling me to do one thing and the other telling me to do just the opposite. It was just awful. I took the bus home and one of my best friends, who worked two doors down from the bus terminal, brought me home. When she first saw me, she said, "You look haggard." What really got me was that she wanted to stop here, she wanted to stop there. I just wanted to get home after the hell I went through. When I FINALLY open the door to my apartment, I saw a coat sitting on a chair and then I looked up to see Carlos sitting there (he was taking care of my cats while I was away). I couldn't tell him how happy I was to see him.

After that, I knew I could NEVER care for my mother on any long term basis-if I want to keep my sanity that is.



Cat

Several years ago (before I even moved in with Carlos), my mother broke her leg. She needed help. Since I was the only one who didn't have a family, a job, or other obligations, she asked me to come to help her-in fact, she almost begged me to. How could I refused. That was basically the week from hell. My mother treated me like her personal slave. I was TRYING to do everything she asked me but I kept telling her that I only had two hands. Then her best friend was also in the picture and she treated me like a slave also. And then I had one of them telling me to do one thing and the other telling me to do just the opposite. It was just awful. I took the bus home and one of my best friends, who worked two doors down from the bus terminal, brought me home. When she first saw me, she said, "You look haggard." What really got me was that she wanted to stop here, she wanted to stop there. I just wanted to get home after the hell I went through. When I FINALLY open the door to my apartment, I saw a coat sitting on a chair and then I looked up to see Carlos sitting there (he was taking care of my cats while I was away). I couldn't tell him how happy I was to see him.

After that, I knew I could NEVER care for my mother on any long term basis-if I want to keep my sanity that is.



Cat
What is it about mothers??

I feel the same way as so many here.  My parents took care of me (and to a certain extent still are), so I do what I can for them (which isn't much, but I do everything I am capable of).

Last October (on my 40th b'day as it happened), my dad fell and broke his hip.  My mom called me on Sunday to tell me they were doing emergency surgery.  We went right over.  I took time off work while he was in the hospital, then we would go over after work as we could.  We also started going over every other weekend to help my mom care for him.  My mom relied on me for help figuring out the medical stuff and fight various companies regarding charges (i.e., the propane, the phone, etc.).  She made sure my name was on everything so I could talk to anyone (financial person, medical people, attorney, etc).

Last June (08), we went over for a weekend to celebrate my dad's birthday.  We ended up putting my mom in the hospital.  I called various co-workers and bosses on Sunday to work things out.  Went home Monday a.m. for clothes and work.  Spent the next 2 1/2 weeks going back and forth taking care of my dad, visiting mom in hospital, and making Micah's soccer banquet.  We were also planning her graduation open house.

My mom has gladly put me in charge of all things medical.  I make the appointments, drive them back and forth to them, and talk with the doctors.  She trusts me so much, she doesn't even go to my dad's appointments with him anymore.  I think she would like to have me in charge of their finances, too, but my dad won't hear of it (I don't think he wants me to know how bad things are for them financially).  This is where I wish I could be more help, but I just got a 3% raise and bring home $15 less per check because my insurance has gone up so much.

I try to go over every other weekend and if I can't, go as close to that schedule as I can.  I try to take a Friday off at least once a month (sometimes I get lucky with holidays like this week) so I can hang with them Friday afternoon and get up and start cleaning on Saturday.  It takes anywhere from 4-6 hours to clean their house.  I take longer when I do the windows inside and out (they live on a lake, so the entire front of their house is large windows/glass sliding doors).

My mom talked to the nurse the day before his first surgery and told them I would be bringing him.  When the nurse asked if they could talk to me, she told them that they better because I run the show.   ;D ;D ;D   Makes me feel good that she trusts me to handle this stuff.  She will also still occasionally ask me for help with bills, too.  I am more than happy to help any way I can.  I can't even tell you how good I felt when I was able to call her in Florida 2 winters ago and tell her that her Verizon bill was taken care of and she didn't have to worry about it anymore (we were disputing some charges and after several calls, I got a very helpful CSR).

If I had the money, I would move them to GR into assisted living.  However, we can't do anything until they sell the house because I just don't have the money for it.  Even after we sell, I don't know if it will be enough.  :-\\

My bro lives in Florida, so I'm all they have right now.  He just got his CNA license, so he will be useful in the near future.

Taking care of our kids and taking care of our parents is what makes us the "sandwich generation"


yes but you my friend are a saint... I think I've told you this already  ;)

Several years ago (before I even moved in with Carlos), my mother broke her leg. She needed help. Since I was the only one who didn't have a family, a job, or other obligations, she asked me to come to help her-in fact, she almost begged me to. How could I refused. That was basically the week from hell. My mother treated me like her personal slave. I was TRYING to do everything she asked me but I kept telling her that I only had two hands. Then her best friend was also in the picture and she treated me like a slave also. And then I had one of them telling me to do one thing and the other telling me to do just the opposite. It was just awful. I took the bus home and one of my best friends, who worked two doors down from the bus terminal, brought me home. When she first saw me, she said, "You look haggard." What really got me was that she wanted to stop here, she wanted to stop there. I just wanted to get home after the hell I went through. When I FINALLY open the door to my apartment, I saw a coat sitting on a chair and then I looked up to see Carlos sitting there (he was taking care of my cats while I was away). I couldn't tell him how happy I was to see him.

After that, I knew I could NEVER care for my mother on any long term basis-if I want to keep my sanity that is.



Cat


I was thinking about something similar the other day.

My dad had hip replacement surgery 2 years ago, and I went and stayed at his house to take care of him after he got out of the hospital.  It was horrible.  I couldn't do ANYTHING right.  He criticized every single move I made.  It seemed like he would just look for things to pick on.  One morning, I finally managed to make his oatmeal just the way he wanted it, but then he was mad because I made too much of it.  I tried to understand that he was in pain and just ornery because of that, but by the fourth night, I was looking through his cupboards for liquor.  I'm not kidding.  I think it totally depends on the person that you are taking care of.  My grandma (my dad's mom) is wonderful.  I can be with her day and night (and often have been) and she is nothing but delightful to be around.  Other people are just mean.  There's no way around it.  I don't blame you for not wanting to help your mom Cat.  I don't know if I could do it for my dad again. 

I feel the same way as so many here.  My parents took care of me (and to a certain extent still are), so I do what I can for them (which isn't much, but I do everything I am capable of).

Last October (on my 40th b'day as it happened), my dad fell and broke his hip.  My mom called me on Sunday to tell me they were doing emergency surgery.  We went right over.  I took time off work while he was in the hospital, then we would go over after work as we could.  We also started going over every other weekend to help my mom care for him.  My mom relied on me for help figuring out the medical stuff and fight various companies regarding charges (i.e., the propane, the phone, etc.).  She made sure my name was on everything so I could talk to anyone (financial person, medical people, attorney, etc).

Last June (08), we went over for a weekend to celebrate my dad's birthday.  We ended up putting my mom in the hospital.  I called various co-workers and bosses on Sunday to work things out.  Went home Monday a.m. for clothes and work.  Spent the next 2 1/2 weeks going back and forth taking care of my dad, visiting mom in hospital, and making Micah's soccer banquet.  We were also planning her graduation open house.

My mom has gladly put me in charge of all things medical.  I make the appointments, drive them back and forth to them, and talk with the doctors.  She trusts me so much, she doesn't even go to my dad's appointments with him anymore.  I think she would like to have me in charge of their finances, too, but my dad won't hear of it (I don't think he wants me to know how bad things are for them financially).  This is where I wish I could be more help, but I just got a 3% raise and bring home $15 less per check because my insurance has gone up so much.

I try to go over every other weekend and if I can't, go as close to that schedule as I can.  I try to take a Friday off at least once a month (sometimes I get lucky with holidays like this week) so I can hang with them Friday afternoon and get up and start cleaning on Saturday.  It takes anywhere from 4-6 hours to clean their house.  I take longer when I do the windows inside and out (they live on a lake, so the entire front of their house is large windows/glass sliding doors).

My mom talked to the nurse the day before his first surgery and told them I would be bringing him.  When the nurse asked if they could talk to me, she told them that they better because I run the show.   ;D ;D ;D   Makes me feel good that she trusts me to handle this stuff.  She will also still occasionally ask me for help with bills, too.  I am more than happy to help any way I can.  I can't even tell you how good I felt when I was able to call her in Florida 2 winters ago and tell her that her Verizon bill was taken care of and she didn't have to worry about it anymore (we were disputing some charges and after several calls, I got a very helpful CSR).

If I had the money, I would move them to GR into assisted living.  However, we can't do anything until they sell the house because I just don't have the money for it.  Even after we sell, I don't know if it will be enough.  :-\\

My bro lives in Florida, so I'm all they have right now.  He just got his CNA license, so he will be useful in the near future.

Taking care of our kids and taking care of our parents is what makes us the "sandwich generation"




My wife and I are the caregivers to my Father, he had a stroke about 6 years ago and it left him with a mental capacity of a
toddler. He is not capable of doing everyday things on his own so he needs assistance to do anything. Since my Mom died
last August the job has been left to us, well really my wife. This is where I tell you how much of a saint my wife is. I work
all week so the task is hers until I get home and she does a wonderful job. I give her breaks at night and on weekends but
it is still a trying job.

I look at it this way: My parents took care of my needs for 18 years, now it's my turn to pay them back.



You guys are amazing.

I have a little bit of expierience with "elder" care.

My grandmother was in a nursing home for six months in late 1992 and early 1993 ( I was 6 at the time) I didn't really know what was going on, juist that M'Dear had moved from my mom's house to the nursing home. It was kind of hard for my mom to look after my grandmother because at the time she and my father were seperated (long story) and then she had me as a 6 year old on her hands. Plus she was working a full time job. It was a lot.  My grandmother was paralyzed from the waist down and had been like that since 1975.  And she had been plauged with a ton of other problems because she was diabetic.

My mother's older  sister Shirley lived in a retirement home for maybe 3 years. It wasn't so bad. It was just like a big apartment building filled with old people.  I thought it was kind of cool. She was on her own , had a living room, a bed room, a bathroom and even a little kitchen to cook. But there were nurses who surveiled the occupants. So it wasn't a full on nuring home. The people there did have a lot of freedom as far as I could see.

My mother was a special case. between 2002 and 2004, my mother got both her legs amputated. But she was dead set against going to a nursing home (because M'Dear only lasted 6 months in there and then she died unfourtunately) My mom was afraid--and I was too-- that she'd go to a nursing home and die. So between 1998--when my mother started to have recurring illness--until 2008, I was her primary caregiver. Every day during the week though, a caregiver would come in during the day for a couple of hours and cook and clean. And for the other 20 hours of the day, I was pretty much on call. ALL the TIME. So for about ten years I took care of my mother. From the time I was twelve till about 21. My mother died eight days before my 22nd birthday. She was 57. That's not too old...

That's three different types of care. Full on nursing, the independent care and then the in home caregiving.

Unfourtunaltey my mother, aunt and grandmother all died. But that's the care they recieved. Not trying to scare anyone off. (And I took damn good care of my mother! I've had dozens of people ask me if I've wanted to go into nursing because I did so well. I'd rather write books. LOL)

I have a little bit of expierience with "elder" care.

My grandmother was in a nursing home for six months in late 1992 and early 1993 ( I was 6 at the time) I didn't really know what was going on, juist that M'Dear had moved from my mom's house to the nursing home. It was kind of hard for my mom to look after my grandmother because at the time she and my father were seperated (long story) and then she had me as a 6 year old on her hands. Plus she was working a full time job. It was a lot.  My grandmother was paralyzed from the waist down and had been like that since 1975.  And she had been plauged with a ton of other problems because she was diabetic.

My mother's older  sister Shirley lived in a retirement home for maybe 3 years. It wasn't so bad. It was just like a big apartment building filled with old people.  I thought it was kind of cool. She was on her own , had a living room, a bed room, a bathroom and even a little kitchen to cook. But there were nurses who surveiled the occupants. So it wasn't a full on nuring home. The people there did have a lot of freedom as far as I could see.

My mother was a special case. between 2002 and 2004, my mother got both her legs amputated. But she was dead set against going to a nursing home (because M'Dear only lasted 6 months in there and then she died unfourtunately) My mom was afraid--and I was too-- that she'd go to a nursing home and die. So between 1998--when my mother started to have recurring illness--until 2008, I was her primary caregiver. Every day during the week though, a caregiver would come in during the day for a couple of hours and cook and clean. And for the other 20 hours of the day, I was pretty much on call. ALL the TIME. So for about ten years I took care of my mother. From the time I was twelve till about 21. My mother died eight days before my 22nd birthday. She was 57. That's not too old...

That's three different types of care. Full on nursing, the independent care and then the in home caregiving.

Unfourtunaltey my mother, aunt and grandmother all died. But that's the care they recieved. Not trying to scare anyone off. (And I took damn good care of my mother! I've had dozens of people ask me if I've wanted to go into nursing because I did so well. I'd rather write books. LOL)



Wow, being the primary caregiver is hard but for a teen-that must have been even harder.

I know what you are talking about in terms of the retirement community. My grandmother lived in one for over ten years or so. She had her own 2 bedroom apartment-but there were people who would do her housekeeping for her. She could either cook for herself or there was a dinning hall if she wanted it. It was a very nice place. I know my grandmother was very happy there. In fact, I think there is some talk about creating a memorial garden in my grandmother's name there.



Cat