In the last 10-11 years I've slowly gotten over it (especially the past year), but I'd always tended to be shy in certain social situations, especially as a kid. Especially with girls, lol. ;)

But the weird thing is I was usually always really outgoing or shy, there wasn't really a midperiod too often. Someone who knew me one way had a hard time believing I was the other way! When I came out of my shell, I really came out (i.e. if I was comfortable with someone, or like later when I did acting stuff). I've always preferred having conversations as opposed to smalltalk, so for instance I usually felt awkward at a party or going into a new class at school.

For anyone else who is or was ever shy, was it like this for you too? Like you had alot you wanted to say, but weren't quite sure where to start.

People often laugh if I say I am shy!

It's more that I feel awkward at the beginning of any social situation.  It takes me a while to get to know people, but when I know them I am a bit of a chatterbox.

I don't like calling people up just for a chat or to see if they want to meet up.  It can leave me quite isolated here at times I think.

I tend to be the same way, I'm pretty shy. Don't even like to use the telephone.

  Girls still scare the crap out of me...

You may find this hard to believe (no really!  You will!), but I am very shy in person.  It's not as bad as when I was younger (I would skip school when I knew I had to give oral presentations, I got the wrong prescription glasses in second grade because I was too shy to speak up, etc.), but it is still there.  I find it hard to make phone calls to people and go out of my way to avoid it, even if they are family.  I hate giving speeches, taking pictures, being on camera, meeting new people, making small talk, etc.  I will DO it, but it is not done without some degree of difficulty and a burning red flush that takes over my face.  I am less inhibited after a few drinks or if I've just taken Xanax (which is rare nowadays, yay!), which has led to some more......amusing moments in my life.

Now online is a different story.  Dunno why, but there it is.

It depends on how much I have to drink.



Cat

You may find this hard to believe (no really!  You will!), but I am very shy in person.  It's not as bad as when I was younger (I would skip school when I knew I had to give oral presentations, I got the wrong prescription glasses in second grade because I was too shy to speak up, etc.), but it is still there.  I find it hard to make phone calls to people and go out of my way to avoid it, even if they are family.  I hate giving speeches, taking pictures, being on camera, meeting new people, making small talk, etc.  I will DO it, but it is not done without some degree of difficulty and a burning red flush that takes over my face.  I am less inhibited after a few drinks or if I've just taken Xanax (which is rare nowadays, yay!), which has led to some more......amusing moments in my life.

Now online is a different story.  Dunno why, but there it is.


I can totally relate to everything you wrote, except the Xanax (I don't even know what that is)
I skipped school if there was an oral presentation, I don't like making small talk. In fact if there are 5 people in a room, I am usually the one that's by myself while others pair-off.
Once in grade 4 or 5 I had to cut a presentation half way and went the the boys room to puke.

I have grown since them and have been able to speak in front of 200 people on occasions, still not comfortable. Istead of worrying about speaking in front of people, I just tell myself I don't care and just do it.

I live alone. The longest conversation I have most days is with my tv.  Even at work I love listening to the stories but don't like to tell them.
I hate small talk. And I hate talking on the phone.

But get me on role and I don't shut up.  Pretty sarcastic so most of my friends that if I'm teasing them then I'm comfortable and if I'm not then something is wrong or I just don't like you.  ;)

Oddly enough I am more shy online than I am in person.

I know, I know, that's totally weird.

It's like...if I have time to think about what I'm gonna say, then I clam up.  If I'm sitting right in front of someone, it just all comes spilling out.  If I'm comfortable with people (like I am most of you guys) then obviously I don't have a problem opening up, but there are a lot of times I don't say anything, I just read what everyone else says. 

Also, I never call people.  I always feel like I am bugging them.  I don't know why either.  I'm happy when people call me or invite me to do stuff - I just never feel comfortable initiating get togethers or calling people. 

But I have no problem speaking in front of groups.  At all.  Doesn't scare me a bit.  I've been a trainer in several jobs and had to speak to big groups of people hundreds of times, and I don't even think about it.

Yeah...I'm crazy.

It's dogged me for most of my life, but I'm at the stage now where I tend not to get too pent up about it...

I was pretty shy in high school and usually am if I don't know you that well yet.

I can vouch for Jess.  She's shy in person - at least the first time we met :D

In certain social situations I can be very shy.  If I don't know a person I can be pretty shy.  But once I get to know a person then I can be very social.

I was pretty shy in high school and usually am if I don't know you that well yet.


You sound a lot like me.  I was incredibly shy in high school and only had a very small group of friends.  I don't care much for being in a large group of people.  If I'm at a party, you'll usually find me off to the side somewhere.

When my husband and I moved to Hawaii, I didn't know a single soul.  Now, 15 years later, I only know a small handful of people (probably due to the fact that I'm a stay-at-home mom)...but I'm not close to any of them.  My husband always tells me that I should get involved in a club of some sort so that I can meet other women, but I prefer to just stay here at home and do my own thing.

I suppose I'm shy too, though that may be only part of my problems. I consider myself socially handicapped.

Don't expect me to start a conversation (any conversation) in real life. I've no idea how to. And like most of the previous posters, I don't like using the telephone. I try to avoid it as much as possible (thank goodness there's email!).
I don't like going to parties and other social events, because I would have to go on my own and I'd always feel like the odd one out. (There's a classic catch-22: I don't go because I don't know anyone, and I don't know anyone because I don't go). Well, even if I would go: see first sentence of this section.
I don't invite people over to my place either. I wouldn't know who, or why, or how. I have quite a lot of superficial relations with people (through work, church, choir), but I'm not close to any of them.

Mind you, I can be very talkative and funny - mostly when I've had a cup of coffee (or two). I've no problems chit-chatting with my colleagues or family. With anyone else...scares the hell out of me. Total blank.

People often confuse my misanthropy for shyness.  ::)


Seriously, I too avoid social events, small talk and telephones but it's not shyness, at least I don't think so. I was always the quiet type so
I choose to avoid them because I'd rather be invisible. You know what, maybe I am a misanthrope.  ;D

People often confuse my misanthropy for shyness.  ::)


Seriously, I too avoid social events, small talk and telephones but it's not shyness, at least I don't think so. I was always the quiet type so
I choose to avoid them because I'd rather be invisible. You know what, maybe I am a misanthrope.  ;D


I can vouch for this. ;)
But don't think he isn't paying attention... because he most definitely is! 8)

I can vouch for this. ;)
But don't think he isn't paying attention... because he most definitely is! 8)


The proverbial fly on the wall.  ;D

I've always been a very shy person for as long as I can remember. I literally had to be coaxed into speaking some words in preschool and kindergarten. Even ordinary telephone conversations are awkward for me. I've been lucky over the years to have friends that have accepted my shyness, but it's something I still need to overcome. Gosh knows my mother reminds me of this all too often.  :(

I'm insanely shy.  I'll do anything to avoid talking on the phone.  Can't stand to be in a party atmosphere.  Glad I'm not the only one who hates the phone.

Casual conversations
How they bore me

I don't like small talk and don't say much unless I have something to say.  I also avoid conversations I don't understand.  I think the major reason I was real quiet as a kid was because my mom did a wonderful job of making me feel worthless.

I've always hated the phone and always had hearing problems.  Phone conversations tent to be chat chat to me.
i

I'm insanely shy.  I'll do anything to avoid talking on the phone.  Can't stand to be in a party atmosphere.  Glad I'm not the only one who hates the phone.



but get a couple of drinks in her folks....;) just kidding Kath! You're a blast! :)

but get a couple of drinks in her folks....;) just kidding Kath! You're a blast! :)


3 to be exact. :)

I was super shy in school and always felt awkward in social situations.  I can be deathly afraid of trying out new things.  I avoid them like the plague which isn't a good thing.  It is hard to break out of my shell.  Deep inside I would like to try something different and to allow myself to grow as a person. 

3 to be exact. :)
;D


I was painfully shy as a child. I've got better as I've got older because I force myself to go into social situations and speak up. I still hate it though.

I kind of lapse in and out of shyness.

What really sucks is that I've been laid off from my job since November, even though they call me in to work about 2-3 days a week. Because of this I've been living almost a hermit-like lifestyle, and I purposely got myself addicted to World of Warcraft just to keep myself from going out and spending money. (That's why I don't get on the boards much anymore.)

Really it all depends on what mood I'm in. If I'm feeling down and depressed (which happens fairly often but generally doesn't last very long) then I get very quiet and withdrawn. But if I'm in a good mood then I can be (at the risk of sounding conceited) pretty fun to be around.  I guess I just like act to goofy and make people laugh.

Casual conversations
How they bore me

I don't like small talk and don't say much unless I have something to say.  I also avoid conversations I don't understand.  I think the major reason I was real quiet as a kid was because my mom did a wonderful job of making me feel worthless.

I've always hated the phone and always had hearing problems.  Phone conversations tent to be chat chat to me.
i


For me, conversations usually have to involve something that interest me as well. This has been shown lately, with my mom still living with me. I think I'm going to go insane sometimes.

^ Same here, if it's not something I'm interested in, I don' t want to hear it. 

I don't have a shy bone in me :P

I'm insanely shy.  I'll do anything to avoid talking on the phone.  Can't stand to be in a party atmosphere.  Glad I'm not the only one who hates the phone.


I always felt like I was the only one on this planet who hated talking on the telephone, too. I was never one of those people who can talk and talk over the phone for hours, like a lot of people I knew did. I could never come up with enough things to talk about, anyway.  :(

I always felt like I was the only one on this planet who hated talking on the telephone, too. I was never one of those people who can talk and talk over the phone for hours, like a lot of people I knew did. I could never come up with enough things to talk about, anyway.  :(



Yeah, I hear what you guys are saying about the phone! Up until last year I almost never used it for anything beyond small or necesarry stuff. I actually tend to feel more comfortable in person, I guess because there can be an awkwardness in not knowing what to say. When you think about it it's really only a "half interaction" since you can't see their face or their expressions.

I've always been the type though, where I'm usually one side or the other. If I don't know someone well enough or aren't comfortable then I'm pretty reserved, but if I am comfortable then I never shut up.;D

I don't have a shy bone in me :P


You're on the verge of given us shy people a complex. :(  Therefore you can compensate for us while we recover from realizing our shortcomings.

Shyness-uh I'm not one to start a conversation really out in public really unless I know somebody. If I',m at work I can make small talk though.

With girls I won;t talk try to talk to any girl that I am attracted too out in public. I do most of my trying to find dates with women online because the rejection is easier online and its just easier to send an e-mail online than rather trying to talk some girl in public that you don;t even know and getting rejected.

I don't really like trying to start a conversation with someone that I don't know but when I do get to know someone I can talk their ears off.

You're on the verge of given us shy people a complex. :(  Therefore you can compensate for us while we recover from realizing our shortcomings.


Oh shortcomings aren't always a bad thing ;)

Depends on the situation..(how much I may have had to drink)..in formal situations I may be a bit reserved and hang back til I feel comfortable, but when I go out with friends, I'm the one they have to pull back from strangers who start up conversations with me. For some reason, when people first meet me, they end up telling me their whole life story-I guess that means they're comfortable with me? I just listen and my friends think I'm nuts.... ::)

I was a little shy when I first started posting here, but figure we all have at least this board in common, and everyone is generally easy to get along with, so I'm just me now and I don't worry about what others think so much....

Just a quick question: Is this thread just for people to vent about being shy, or is it also about offering up advice on how to overcome shyness?

Because I used to be a really shy person, but I have largely (but not completely) gotten past it, and I'd be happy to share with anyone what I've figured out if you're interested.

You can, I imagine(depends onif the topic creator).

While I'm generally shy(like I stated earlier), there are situations where I'm not.

Just a quick question: Is this thread just for people to vent about being shy, or is it also about offering up advice on how to overcome shyness?

Because I used to be a really shy person, but I have largely (but not completely) gotten past it, and I'd be happy to share with anyone what I've figured out if you're interested.

Good question, it is sorta ambiguous. I guess I was thinking more just about sharing experiences or seeing how similar everyone's shyness was or is.

I'm alot like you are in that respect Al, there's a few instances that can still make me tongue tied (i.e. I'm still not always good with thinking of witty things to say "on the spot"), but it's nothing like when I was a kid or a younger teen. Truthfully even up to 1-2 years ago until I started talking on the phone alot.

I'm still kinda "conditional" with it depending where I am and who I'm talking to (or even how they're reacting towards me - that's actually always a big part of it to be honest) but one way I learned to ease it was just to talk about something I'm comfortable with.

I had the shy boy disposition beaten into me at an early age!

I had the shy boy disposition beaten into me at an early age!

From your experience, do you think being shy (even if it's just in certain situations) is one of those things where people who haven't gone through it kinda have difficulty understanding it? Like people who say stuff like "Oh just go talk to that girl or tell this person off, it's no big deal", but they don't get that for some other people it's not always that easy.

I know there's some people who are painfully shy. Even for me at my worst it was just conditional... like until I felt comfortable. I know the way other people treat or react towards me makes a HUGE difference.

I was very shy in high school,I find myself being a little more forward nowadays.

I was very shy in high school,I find myself being a little more forward nowadays.


My Mom's the same way.  I think it comes with age and being comfortable with yourself.

My Mom's the same way.  I think it comes with age and being comfortable with yourself.

This is true. There are still times when I have to talk to myself and reassure myself there is nothing to be afraid of just go talk to the people.Other times I think I'm back in high school and someone will say something rude.

Oddly enough I am more shy online than I am in person.

I know, I know, that's totally weird.

It's like...if I have time to think about what I'm gonna say, then I clam up.  If I'm sitting right in front of someone, it just all comes spilling out.  If I'm comfortable with people (like I am most of you guys) then obviously I don't have a problem opening up, but there are a lot of times I don't say anything, I just read what everyone else says. 

Also, I never call people.  I always feel like I am bugging them.  I don't know why either.  I'm happy when people call me or invite me to do stuff - I just never feel comfortable initiating get togethers or calling people. 

But I have no problem speaking in front of groups.  At all.  Doesn't scare me a bit.  I've been a trainer in several jobs and had to speak to big groups of people hundreds of times, and I don't even think about it.

Yeah...I'm crazy.


WHAT!!!!  :o  HOLD THE PHONE!!!!

If what I've seen is you shy I CANNOT WAIT to see you live and in the flesh !!!! WHEN THE FRACK ARE YOU COMING TO CALI!!!!!

WHAT!!!!  :o  HOLD THE PHONE!!!!

If what I've seen is you shy I CANNOT WAIT to see you live and in the flesh !!!! WHEN THE FRACK ARE YOU COMING TO CALI!!!!!


She *IS* really cool in person.  Makes you feel very comfortable (well as much as one can be, away from home, in a social situation.)  lol

She is very nice and will talk to everybody about anything.  It was very awesome watching her in action.  (It's alot of what I did in Philly...watched everybody else talk, as I was having a bit of a shy, awkward social phobia at the time.  ;D )

She *IS* really cool in person.  Makes you feel very comfortable (well as much as one can be, away from home, in a social situation.)  lol

She is very nice and will talk to everybody about anything.  It was very awesome watching her in action.  (It's alot of what I did in Philly...watched everybody else talk, as I was having a bit of a shy, awkward social phobia at the time.   ;D )


I wouldn't mind your being shy with me Patty but I doubt it would last long.. I'd probably make you re-enact your favorite songs from Fame or something!  ;D

In the last 10-11 years I've slowly gotten over it (especially the past year), but I'd always tended to be shy in certain social situations, especially as a kid. Especially with girls, lol. ;)

But the weird thing is I was usually always really outgoing or shy, there wasn't really a midperiod too often. Someone who knew me one way had a hard time believing I was the other way! When I came out of my shell, I really came out (i.e. if I was comfortable with someone, or like later when I did acting stuff). I've always preferred having conversations as opposed to smalltalk, so for instance I usually felt awkward at a party or going into a new class at school.

For anyone else who is or was ever shy, was it like this for you too? Like you had alot you wanted to say, but weren't quite sure where to start.


I can certainly sympathise, Marty, and I'm not into small-talk either.

I am not a shy person but it doesn't mean I can ask girls out and things like that. I usually end up being friends with women purely because the barriers I put up will not allow me to move to the next level (which means I am less charming, lol). I am trying to become more . . . agreeable if that's the right term for it and seeing positive results from that. Just simple politeness, manners and taking things easy go a long way.  :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouL9ZMzEZ4k



Cat

She *IS* really cool in person.  Makes you feel very comfortable (well as much as one can be, away from home, in a social situation.)  lol

She is very nice and will talk to everybody about anything.  It was very awesome watching her in action.  (It's alot of what I did in Philly...watched everybody else talk, as I was having a bit of a shy, awkward social phobia at the time.   ;D )


I have to agree.  Ash is one of the coolest people I've ever met.  She's so genuine and loveable.  You can't help but want to hang out with her just so you can be yourself.  You did ok Patty, I think we were both fretting a bit too much about what people would think of us.

I have to agree.  Ash is one of the coolest people I've ever met.  She's so genuine and loveable.  You can't help but want to hang out with her just so you can be yourself.  You did ok Patty, I think we were both fretting a bit too much about what people would think of us.



you were all as cool as heck! 8)

you were all as cool as heck! 8)


has it been long enough for me to rewrite history and claim that I was there?  ;D

you were all as cool as heck! 8)


Well duh, we can't be anything else but cool. ::) ;D

has it been long enough for me to rewrite history and claim that I was there?  ;D


You should have been there!!!  That would have made it awesomer. (more awesome, most awesome) 

You should have been there!!!  That would have made it awesomer. (more awesome, most awesome) 

the awesomest!  8)

the awesomest!  8)


Yeah that!!!

She *IS* really cool in person.  Makes you feel very comfortable (well as much as one can be, away from home, in a social situation.)  lol

She is very nice and will talk to everybody about anything.  It was very awesome watching her in action.  (It's alot of what I did in Philly...watched everybody else talk, as I was having a bit of a shy, awkward social phobia at the time.   ;D )


Wow - that is seriously one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me!  Thank you Patty!  I have to say for the record though that I didn't think you were awkward at all!  I just figured that you were more of a listener than a talker.  But you and I had a couple of great conversations and I was so happy to meet you in person!  :-*



I have to agree.  Ash is one of the coolest people I've ever met.  She's so genuine and loveable.  You can't help but want to hang out with her just so you can be yourself.  You did ok Patty, I think we were both fretting a bit too much about what people would think of us.


Wow.  I might cry now!  I am so honored  to hear that you feel that way about me!  I feel the exact same way about you!  I am just so full of love right now.  You know how some days you just don't feel so great about yourself?  Well I have been feeling that way lately, and then today I come and see this.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear you guys say this stuff.  I love you both so much!!!  :-*


WHAT!!!!  :o  HOLD THE PHONE!!!!

If what I've seen is you shy I CANNOT WAIT to see you live and in the flesh !!!! WHEN THE FRACK ARE YOU COMING TO CALI!!!!!


;D  I said when I feel comfortable with people it's different!  Obviously I feel comfortable with ya'll!  I love you all! 

Wow - that is seriously one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me!  Thank you Patty!  I have to say for the record though that I didn't think you were awkward at all!  I just figured that you were more of a listener than a talker.  But you and I had a couple of great conversations and I was so happy to meet you in person!   :-*


Wow.  I might cry now!  I am so honored  to hear that you feel that way about me!  I feel the exact same way about you!  I am just so full of love right now.  You know how some days you just don't feel so great about yourself?  Well I have been feeling that way lately, and then today I come and see this.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear you guys say this stuff.  I love you both so much!!!   :-*

;D  I said when I feel comfortable with people it's different!  Obviously I feel comfortable with ya'll!  I love you all! 


Oh no!!  She's got the warm fuzzy feeling. :o  Next thing you know she'll be demanding group hugs and an off key rendition of Kumbya.  :D

Wow - that is seriously one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me!  Thank you Patty!  I have to say for the record though that I didn't think you were awkward at all!  I just figured that you were more of a listener than a talker.  But you and I had a couple of great conversations and I was so happy to meet you in person!   :-*


Wow.  I might cry now!  I am so honored  to hear that you feel that way about me!  I feel the exact same way about you!  I am just so full of love right now.  You know how some days you just don't feel so great about yourself?  Well I have been feeling that way lately, and then today I come and see this.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear you guys say this stuff.  I love you both so much!!!   :-*

;D  I said when I feel comfortable with people it's different!  Obviously I feel comfortable with ya'll!  I love you all! 



When I knocked on the door, I wasn't too sure what to expect but you threw your arms around me and it was like seeing old friends even though technically we have just met.



Cat

When I knocked on the door, I wasn't too sure what to expect but you threw your arms around me and it was like seeing old friends even though technically we have just met.



Cat


Awww!  :-*  It WAS seeing an old friend! 

I have to agree.  Ash is one of the coolest people I've ever met.  She's so genuine and loveable.  You can't help but want to hang out with her just so you can be yourself.  You did ok Patty, I think we were both fretting a bit too much about what people would think of us.
You absolutely hit the nail on the head here Kathie. I kick myself now for not chatting to you and Patty more. Feeling kind of awkward myself I find I clam up around people who also feel awkward, does that make sense? I hope we all get the chance to meet again because now I have met you both before I know I'll be fine!  ;D

You absolutely hit the nail on the head here Kathie. I kick myself now for not chatting to you and Patty more. Feeling kind of awkward myself I find I clam up around people who also feel awkward, does that make sense? I hope we all get the chance to meet again because now I have met you both before I know I'll be fine!  ;D




Don't worry about it.  I was just thrilled that you could scold me about drinking iced tea in person. ;D  I think it was a bit awkward at first but then we all got used to each other and hung out.

Don't worry about it.  I was just thrilled that you could scold me about drinking iced tea in person. ;D  I think it was a bit awkward at first but then we all got used to each other and hung out.
That's true, it was easier later on and I did anticipate catching up with yous all again for lunch on the last day but sadly plans changed.

I was also thrilled you thought of buying me the tasty cakes!

Iced tea......nah never going to happen!  ;D

My shyness keeps me from a lot of things.

Guys.  Celebrities and other things.

The old drummer from Tears For Fears. Manny Elias, I think I stumbled upon his Facebook page on a search for pictures of him but my shyness sort of prevented me from finding out if it was really him or if it was just somebody running a fan site.

That's true, it was easier later on and I did anticipate catching up with yous all again for lunch on the last day but sadly plans changed.

I was also thrilled you thought of buying me the tasty cakes!

Iced tea......nah never going to happen!  ;D


guess I shouldn't tell you how much sugar I put in my iced tea....or how much sugar and milk I put in my hot tea... btw I love Liptons  :P

guess I shouldn't tell you how much sugar I put in my iced tea....or how much sugar and milk I put in my hot tea... btw I love Liptons  :P
Never, NEVER use the 'L' word in my presence, I thought we were friends!  :\'(

For the record I have milk and sugar in my hot tea too.

Never, NEVER use the 'L' word in my presence, I thought we were friends!  :\'(

For the record I have milk and sugar in my hot tea too.



Lipton, lipton, lipton, lipton, LIPTON!!!!  :P



We are friends... I love you more than I love Lipton  :-*


and I love Lipton!  :D

Lipton, lipton, lipton, lipton, LIPTON!!!!  :P



We are friends... I love you more than I love Lipton  :-*


and I love Lipton!  :D
Hmmm ok but please stop using such bad language in my presence.

Earl Grey, Irish Breakfast . . . they don't make good iced tea.  There's gotta be a reason for that. ;D  Snoz, I can't believe you're cursing like that.  Just wait till there's not an ocean or a giant land mass between you, then I dare you to say the "L" word. :D

It's funny, I do one of two things when I'm nervous.  I either clam up and hide behind my husband (who is very gregarious and can talk to anybody) or I babble (like I did to poor Kathie during the whole drive from her house to Philly.)  She probably wanted peace and quiet and I just prattled on and on.  It was kinda amusing.

It's funny, I do one of two things when I'm nervous.  I either clam up and hide behind my husband (who is very gregarious and can talk to anybody) or I babble (like I did to poor Kathie during the whole drive from her house to Philly.)  She probably wanted peace and quiet and I just prattled on and on.  It was kinda amusing.


It took you about ten minutes then we started talking like we'd know each other for years.  If I wanted peace and quiet I would have stayed home. :)  Philly was great though.

Now would it have been instantly easier if we had confessed all of this before we met??

Shy girls are cute