"Due to the internet's immense popularity it is often utilized to find a partner. Skeptics do not believe that it is possible for someone to fall in love online, suggesting they have not felt real chemistry and can't be sure of who the person they're talking to really is. Because of this, people disregard online relationships as not real, or as a fake. While the opposite has been proven, skeptics of the subject are not convinced that dating online can lead to a successful outcome. Many people in online relationships have to endure ridicule and criticism from family, friends and even strangers on the internet itself because it's considered unsuccessful." wiki

I am bringing this subject up, because I have friends who have participated in such relationships.

Two of my very good friends were in an internet relationship for quite some time. They declared their love for each other, were inseparable online, and they fought for their time together online. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. Not because they fell out of love, but because one of the two decided that it just wasn't working for them. (Or so they said.) My one friend was completely crushed, because he had no clue that their relationship was lacking. (They had in fact been on again, off again several times.) My other friend left the relationship and immediately started another internet relationship - without even looking back.

Now, a bigger problem arose, because these friends of mine were regulars on a particular internet forum. My crushed friend refused to accept the reasoning, and my other friend decided that she was done with the relationship and owed no further explanations. There was actually a deeper reason as to why my one friend ended the relationship with the other, but I will leave out the superficial details.

Now, like I said, my friend immediately started another internet relationship.... with someone on the same internet forum. Of course, it didn't last, which resulted with the other party deleting their account and never going back to the forum. My friend never did see that what she was doing to these men was wrong and inexcusable. Instead, she started yet another internet relationship, thankfully not on the same forum. This new one she saw as being the best, and so she did certain things in order to achieve a real relationship status. Turn about is fair play, and the other party decided that it wasn't for them.

Her life turned upside down, she still questions how someone could do that - not realizing that she had been the exact person she was now cursing.

I am so mad at my friend, because I told her straight up exactly what I thought, and now she is acting as if I don't exist. It hurts because I thought this friend and I were a lot tighter, that we could tell each other anything. Guess I misunderstood that she was the only one who could say certain things. I am also still very upset for my other friend, because he did not deserve to be treated in such a way. I also know that I am not the only one who more or less has lost a friend over the situation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I do understand that internet relationships can work out (Jess and Rice Cube) but how can anyone ever be sure that who they are talking to is really being themselves?  Further, even with internet friendships, how can one be sure that the other is being them self, or if they are putting on a great show for those around? Personally, I still hide a few details about myself, deep things that I honestly do not think need to be shared on the internet; aside form that everything I have ever posted has been just me. But my telling you isn't going to convince you. So how in internet relationships can a person be sure of who they are truly dealing with?

And when it appears that a relationship has been started on the internet - how does it in all honesty, progress?
And do they really work out?

Thoughts?

Tam 8)

I think, like everything, it totally depends on the people involved, and the situation.

I met my husband online.  We chatted for a couple of months, and then met in person, and dated from there.  Obviously it worked really well for us.  No matter how you meet someone, how can you EVER be sure of who they really are?  If you meet a guy in a bar, he can pretty much tell you anything he wants to.  I was so sick of meeting guys who just wanted to have sex.  When I got online, I could actually talk to people...they weren't just trying to get me to go home with them.  I found that to be a lot more honest.

I don't think that anyone tells all when they get onto a messageboard...that would be sort of reckless.  But I think that most people show at least the the gist of who they are.  I suppose you could pretend to be something you aren't...but as we've seen on this site time and again, those people tend to get weeded out pretty quickly. 

I have a friend who met thru the net and she even left her home country to marry him (from Canada to USA). They were married for over 5 years, and now separated..so it did work for awhile..but who knows, they may get back together again.

I do understand that internet relationships can work out (Jess and Rice Cube) but how can anyone ever be sure that who they are talking to is really being themselves?

You can't be, but it is the same in real life relationships.  Just because you can see the person doesn't mean you can read them any better.  You just take your chances.  The best scenario I can come up with is my own.  I worked with a guy that I thought was pretty cool, but he was a user of the sketchy sort.  And he played his game with EVERY unattached female at the place we worked at. :P  On the same wavelength, I knew Midas for several years, but we only started talking a LOT a few months before I flew, ACROSS THE FRICKIN' COUNTRY, to meet him.  He could have been an axe murderer for all I could have known, but he wasn't.  And he definitely wasn't even a tenth of sketchy that real life guy was. :D

Further, even with internet friendships, how can one be sure that the other is being them self, or if they are putting on a great show for those around?

Same as above.  You just take your chances and lots of time.

Personally, I still hide a few details about myself, deep things that I honestly do not think need to be shared on the internet; aside form that everything I have ever posted has been just me. But my telling you isn't going to convince you.

It might convince me, but only because I'm the same way. ;D  I may come across as a blunt and truthful asshat on here, but there are some things that people don't know about me and that I will never divulge.

So how in internet relationships can a person be sure of who they are truly dealing with?

Once again, how can someone be sure that a person they met in real life is showing their true colors?

And when it appears that a relationship has been started on the internet - how does it in all honesty, progress?

For Rice and myself, it was a gradual friendship, quite a few bumps, then actually meeting.  We didn't meet each other until a year after we first began to talk on here.  We didn't get together as a couple until a few months after that, although he visited a lot.  We didn't get married until a year after that.  So I think it progresses like a "real life" relationship.


And do they really work out?

Thoughts?

Tam 8)


They do.  Besides Rice and myself, I know of quite a few other couples who have met on here and other messageboards, hooked up, got married, had kids.....typical stuff.  I think a lot of stigma is placed on internet relationships though because people think you should be able to see and touch the other person or it isn't real.  I think that's a crock of sh*t.  However, it does seem to be dying out as of late since a lot more people are hooking up online.

An internet relationship is just like a "traditional" relationship, as it takes 2 with commitment and work involved.  If any of the party involved is a player, then things are not going to work.  No one ever "knows" the other person when they get into a relationship, one has to work to build trust and find out things about the other person.  You have to enjoy one another, not abuse or "be dependent" on the other.  True lasting relationships take 2 to make it work - whether internet based or face to face. If someone is depending on the other for their sole universe and happiness - something is going to make a big bump.  If someone is playing the relationship, so is it going to cause a bump. 

Some people believe they HAVE TO HAVE a relationship to be happy, I truly believe that in order for a relationship to work both parties have to be happy themselves before they can make "couplehood" work.

That is just my opinion, and I met my husband face to face and we were married 10 months later (no there was not a baby involved).  We have been happy ever since, but it has involved work from both of us.  Relationships are a commitment, in whatever form they are in. A long distance relationship will work, if both parties involved are willing to put forth the energy and stay committed.

I've always been open minded, especially now that I'm a part of it myself, I feel like it's even more special. :) Assuming I die of old age, I could be around another 60-70 years, and I don't want to spend it with anyone else.

I think everything takes awhile to become accepted either by society as a whole, or by the establishment. Like if the internet (and therefore dating online) has been going on since the late '90s, I think it's just becoming legitimized now, because we're hearing about more and more positive examples. It could also be it's now been long enough for some of those couples to have STAYED together for some time, so that could've convinced some skeptics too.

I also think bad examples tend to get noticed more - like there's still a stigma of people who hang around on the internet as being pedophiles, weirdos posing as "hot chicks", or just generally losers who don't have a life (i.e. the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons). Oh I'm sure those types do exist and it's good to be cautious, but it's foolish to assume they're the ONLY ones. That might only be 20% or something.

For the record, I think people should be careful (i.e. only meet in public places, and just try to get a feel for what the person is like), but at the same time have a balance. I think a place like this is a bit more stable too, since people communicate on a daily basis as opposed to a chatroom, where you probably WILL more likely find people just looking for sex or otherwise posing as something they're not.

"Due to the internet's immense popularity it is often utilized to find a partner. Skeptics do not believe that it is possible for someone to fall in love online, suggesting they have not felt real chemistry and can't be sure of who the person they're talking to really is. Because of this, people disregard online relationships as not real, or as a fake. While the opposite has been proven, skeptics of the subject are not convinced that dating online can lead to a successful outcome. Many people in online relationships have to endure ridicule and criticism from family, friends and even strangers on the internet itself because it's considered unsuccessful." wiki

I am bringing this subject up, because I have friends who have participated in such relationships.

Two of my very good friends were in an internet relationship for quite some time. They declared their love for each other, were inseparable online, and they fought for their time together online. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. Not because they fell out of love, but because one of the two decided that it just wasn't working for them. (Or so they said.) My one friend was completely crushed, because he had no clue that their relationship was lacking. (They had in fact been on again, off again several times.) My other friend left the relationship and immediately started another internet relationship - without even looking back.

Now, a bigger problem arose, because these friends of mine were regulars on a particular internet forum. My crushed friend refused to accept the reasoning, and my other friend decided that she was done with the relationship and owed no further explanations. There was actually a deeper reason as to why my one friend ended the relationship with the other, but I will leave out the superficial details.

Now, like I said, my friend immediately started another internet relationship.... with someone on the same internet forum. Of course, it didn't last, which resulted with the other party deleting their account and never going back to the forum. My friend never did see that what she was doing to these men was wrong and inexcusable. Instead, she started yet another internet relationship, thankfully not on the same forum. This new one she saw as being the best, and so she did certain things in order to achieve a real relationship status. Turn about is fair play, and the other party decided that it wasn't for them.

Her life turned upside down, she still questions how someone could do that - not realizing that she had been the exact person she was now cursing.

I am so mad at my friend, because I told her straight up exactly what I thought, and now she is acting as if I don't exist. It hurts because I thought this friend and I were a lot tighter, that we could tell each other anything. Guess I misunderstood that she was the only one who could say certain things. I am also still very upset for my other friend, because he did not deserve to be treated in such a way. I also know that I am not the only one who more or less has lost a friend over the situation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I do understand that internet relationships can work out (Jess and Rice Cube) but how can anyone ever be sure that who they are talking to is really being themselves?  Further, even with internet friendships, how can one be sure that the other is being them self, or if they are putting on a great show for those around? Personally, I still hide a few details about myself, deep things that I honestly do not think need to be shared on the internet; aside form that everything I have ever posted has been just me. But my telling you isn't going to convince you. So how in internet relationships can a person be sure of who they are truly dealing with?

And when it appears that a relationship has been started on the internet - how does it in all honesty, progress?
And do they really work out?

Thoughts?

Tam 8)



What you are saying is not just about romantic on-line relationships but also on-line friendships, too. I like to think that there are a few of you (and you know who you are) who I like call friends. Some of you I have talked to on the phone, some of you have disclosed some very personal things to. By doing that, I have put my trust in you not to go shouting that all over the internet.

Of course there is no way of knowing who I am either. For all anyone knows (with the exception of probably Max & Karen-or those few who I have talked to on the phone  ;) ) that Carlos & I are in fact one in the same person. Ok, ok, I guess I can't fool anybody with that because there are too many who know us. I am an honest person. I don't know how to lie-if I make up a story, it is very obvious that it is made up. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that.

As for romantic relationships, there is nothing more complicated on or off line. It is difficult to say what works & what doesn't. It always comes down to the two people involved. What works for one couple may not work for another. There is no such thing as "one size fits all" when it comes to relationships. I do know of some on-line relationships that worked and others that did not. Just like I know of some off-line relationships that worked and didn't.  



Cat

I have so much to say about this topic!

But i won't because there's really no way to explain it to someone who hasn't been through it.

It's not real,it's impossible,it will never work out,blah blah blah

And then...one day...it happens to you :o

I have so much to say about this topic!

But i won't because there's really no way to explain it to someone who hasn't been through it.

It's not real,it's impossible,it will never work out,blah blah blah

And then...one day...it happens to you :o


Say what you have to say!  I bet a lot of us will understand...

Say what you have to say!  I bet a lot of us will understand...


One day...i'll write a book.

So learn portuguese,my friend ;)

One day...i'll write a book.

So learn portuguese,my friend ;)


:-\\

I don't like Internet Romance, makes it too hard to slip a mickey in her ginger-ale!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/unhappy.gif

I've actually met a few people online..and yes, some were wacky, but others were/are totally not. As others have stated, you can meet wackjobs anywhere...online, at the grocery store, in the mall, at church, at a club, etc. I think the best thing to do if in a situation like this is to really start as friends (as Jess and Rice did), talk on the phone a lot, and then eventually meet and see how things go. IMO, I would rather meet someone online as a friend, get to know them, meet, be real life buddies, and see where it goes...MUCH rather than hooking up with a random person through personal ads or such.

I've actually met a few people online..and yes, some were wacky, but others were/are totally not. As others have stated, you can meet wackjobs anywhere...online, at the grocery store, in the mall, at church, at a club, etc. I think the best thing to do if in a situation like this is to really start as friends (as Jess and Rice did), talk on the phone a lot, and then eventually meet and see how things go. IMO, I would rather meet someone online as a friend, get to know them, meet, be real life buddies, and see where it goes...MUCH rather than hooking up with a random person through personal ads or such.


I've met wackjobs standing on line at the grocery store!
;)

I met both of my husbands online, both answered online personal ads that I had up. 

I tried to meet people the "normal" way.  Honestly I did!  But since I look the way I do, no guy from the area I lived in, would give me the time of day.  Oh I had offers of noncommittal sex (not my cup of tea) but eventually I did meet some nice guys. 

My "sparkling" personality does not come through in "real life" because I am extremely shy and self-concious because of always having been heavy.  For some (like me) finding people online is really the way to go.  A.) It broadens your "net" to find those "other-fish-in-the-sea".  B.)  It takes alot of work to not be yourself on the computer.  Yes, there are bad people online, and these same bad people are offline too! 

I am not able to put into words how strongly I feel about the subject.  Certainally precautions have to be taken when meeting (just as you would in ANY situation).  I think there is a certain disconnect when you talk online, which makes it easier for people like me to express themselves.  At the same time, this disconnect can be overcome by talking on the phone, by e-mail, and by meeting face-to-face. 

Sure there are people that play games online, just because they can, and they don't realize that there are consequences for their actions, just as there would be offline, although sometimes they don't even understand that the rules are the same however you "meet."

Back in the days of Napster, I fell for an older woman I met in one of the chatrooms.  She was like 10 years older than me, and I was always friends with her but she saw me as more than a friend (despite never meeting me or even seeing what I looked like). 

One day, she discussed the topic of marriage, so I jokingly said "So let's get engaged then".  She took me seriously and told all her friends.  I was in deep, way deep.  I didn't know how to let her down without hurting her, so I just came out with it and told her we shouldn't rush things.  I still liked her but I wanted to take it slow.  She cried, but eventually got over it.

Apparently she thought we were just friends only, so she shacked up with some other guy she met in a chatroom and never told me about him.  When I discovered photos of them together on her MSN profile page, she came clean and boy was I pissed.  I told her off and never talked to her again

Probably a good thing though and here's why:  Apparently her ex-husband, a dangerous man, was getting released from prison soon, so she basically wanted a man to protect her from him.  Kind of makes sense as when she first decided that she liked me in that chatroom, I barely knew her

I don't like Internet Romance, makes it too hard to slip a mickey in her ginger-ale!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/unhappy.gif


;D

Lessee, I've had 5-ish since my first marriage ended (they started after I was separated).  Three were from messageboards; two are or were members of this board.  The other two through online dating sites; I've lived with both of them (the second one's working out ;) ).

When the relationships were long-distance the breakups were easier to deal with.

I'm still friends with all of them (I think...one I haven't talked to in ages).

The greatest nuisance of Internet Romance is the number of fake profiles on dating websites.  Some of them are outright fabrications, others are just people playing games.  It is generally acknowledged men who are earnestly seeking a mate online have wade through more of this trash then women. 

I lost interest in Internet dating because of the extensive profiles.  Filling that sh*t out is about as much fun as applying for a bank loan.  It's not romance, it's resume.

I'm not knocking it for anybody else, that's just me.

The greatest nuisance of Internet Romance is the number of fake profiles on dating websites.  Some of them are outright fabrications, others are just people playing games.  It is generally acknowledged men who are earnestly seeking a mate online have wade through more of this trash then women. 

I lost interest in Internet dating because of the extensive profiles.  Filling that sh*t out is about as much fun as applying for a bank loan.  It's not romance, it's resume.

I'm not knocking it for anybody else, that's just me.

Very true, I have a friend who seemed to have to knack for finding all the married men on the dating site she was on, bless her.

I have a few friends who have met their other halves through the internet and are very happy. I think the idea is to be honest but cautious. Ii agree with Patty in that it is easier to chat and joke about online when you are a shy person.

Initial post sounds very similar to what went on here a couple of years back  :o


I know of a number of online romances over the years. Some have fizzled, others have stood the test - same as offline ones  :)

Lots of insight. Thanks everyone.

I know it is pretty much the same as any other type of romance, bit I guess because I have never gone through it myself, I don't fully understand the internet part. Obviously it works out, but what about other people outside of the relationship?

Family - if you are to meet your 'love' after talking for months online, how do you introduce them to your family? If you have children - how do you automatically assume that this person is going to be ok to be around your kids? Where does the trust come from when you haven't yet met them in person? And what if you meet them and you realize your a re more superficial than you thought you were?

Kids - if it were me, there is no way I would let an internet romance near my kid, unless I knew without a doubt that I could trust the person. I mean, I don't care how close I am to said person, there is no way I am going to trust that person or even a new real life romance around my kid. The protection level is astronomical, so there is no way I would put my kid near that.

Other family members - no matter whether they support me or not, I am not sure I would be openly willing to subject my family to someone I only know from a keyboard or phone calls. It is actually kind of creepy to me....



Initial post sounds very similar to what went on here a couple of years back  :o



It does right? Probably because it did. Is it fair of me to put it out there? Probably not, but I am tired of trying to protect a friendship that really doesn't exist anymore. It became one sided, with me doing all of the work and getting nothing in return. I know that is not how friendships are supposed to work, but I can't be the only one in the friendship. Sadly, I am now being treated like the 'others' were treated. Although I felt for them at the time, I didn't fully understand what they were going through. I am sure that I still don't, but I know that the person I thought I was dealing with turned out to be someone I didn't even know. This is why the question of "How well do you really know a person online." It happens in real life too, I get that - but I guess my expectations after 4 years of friendship were still way too high.

The sad thing is - she doesn't think she has really hurt anyone.

Lots of insight. Thanks everyone.

I know it is pretty much the same as any other type of romance, bit I guess because I have never gone through it myself, I don't fully understand the internet part. Obviously it works out, but what about other people outside of the relationship?

Family - if you are to meet your 'love' after talking for months online, how do you introduce them to your family? If you have children - how do you automatically assume that this person is going to be ok to be around your kids? Where does the trust come from when you haven't yet met them in person? And what if you meet them and you realize your a re more superficial than you thought you were?

Kids - if it were me, there is no way I would let an internet romance near my kid, unless I knew without a doubt that I could trust the person. I mean, I don't care how close I am to said person, there is no way I am going to trust that person or even a new real life romance around my kid. The protection level is astronomical, so there is no way I would put my kid near that.

Other family members - no matter whether they support me or not, I am not sure I would be openly willing to subject my family to someone I only know from a keyboard or phone calls. It is actually kind of creepy to me....



Creepy? Aren't you being a little too paranoid?

Unless you're awful at reading people i would trust your judgment and i'm sure your friends and family would do the same.

I'm a little surprised by your view on this 'cause you for instance have been here for so long, talking to us getting to know us and in reality it seems you don't trust any of us.

People online are not better or worse...we all have lives outside of the internet, we all have families, friends, husbands, wives, kids. We connect with someone online, we learn about them and we start friendships, we build relationships that are as real as our other ones. Who's to say it's weird? What i find weird are people who refuse to try because they fear being judged.

Creepy? Aren't you being a little too paranoid?

Unless you're awful at reading people i would trust your judgment and i'm sure your friends and family would do the same.

I'm a little surprised by your view on this 'cause you for instance have been here for so long, talking to us getting to know us and in reality it seems you don't trust any of us.

People online are not better or worse...we all have lives outside of the internet, we all have families, friends, husbands, wives, kids. We connect with someone online, we learn about them and we start friendships, we build relationships that are as real as our other ones. Who's to say it's weird? What i find weird are people who refuse to try because they fear being judged.


Sorry if it comes across that I don't trust anyone here - because that just isn't the case.

I value each and every one of you; have made some of my best friendships here. But I have been blindsided by someone who I thought I was completely different.

And I know that each interaction is different from the next, but what I am saying is that if you are intentionally misled by someone - without your knowing - how would it go down outside of the internet world? Me? I am venting about it because it was a 'friendship', but a romance? I don't know how that would go down at all.

I guess my saying creepy is the only way I can sum it up. Because I have never had an internet romance, I am naive. But in watching several around me fall apart, I can't help but be pessimistic and worry that one party isn't being fair and truthful to the other.

And if my words still don't make sense - then I will apologize again. I don't know how else to say what I am trying to say, other than just saying it like I have. :-\\

I guess my saying creepy is the only way I can sum it up. Because I have never had an internet romance, I am naive. But in watching several around me fall apart, I can't help but be pessimistic and worry that one party isn't being fair and truthful to the other.


Perhaps instead of dwelling on the relationships/friendships that have fallen apart that you've witnessed, you should think about the ones that HAVE worked out.  There are several examples on here of lasting friendships/relationships that show no sign of wavering.  I know it is hard because your friend decided to be the ultimate flake, but that is her problem, not yours.  In hindsight, she probably knows you are right, but she doesn't want to hear it.

By the way, is this friend someone you know in real life or from the internet?  If you said it already, I apologize, because I must have missed it.

As for your other questions:


Lots of insight. Thanks everyone.

I know it is pretty much the same as any other type of romance, bit I guess because I have never gone through it myself, I don't fully understand the internet part. Obviously it works out, but what about other people outside of the relationship?

See below for my observations.

Family - if you are to meet your 'love' after talking for months online, how do you introduce them to your family?

My family never met Midas, but my mom knew where I was going, had the address of where he lived, had his phone number, and had all the pertinent facts about my trip.  She's talked to him on the phone and online before, so she was cool with my trip.  When Rice Cube and I first met, he came to my house (after being met at the BK).  My mother was there, and he had a friend with him for protection, just in case. ;D  We went out to a public place, and with the other visits he made to me, he came to my house, hung with my family, and my dad approved of him.  His family is another matter, but I won't bring them up, because the less said, the better. :-X  Anyway, my family knew them both from the start, so I had no awkwardness on that front.

If you have children - how do you automatically assume that this person is going to be ok to be around your kids? Where does the trust come from when you haven't yet met them in person? And what if you meet them and you realize your a re more superficial than you thought you were?

It sounds like you're assuming that most people go from talking online to getting married.  Like I've said, most (sane) people take it in steps.  Talking online, talking on the phone, meeting somewhere public the first time, going out to public places, then introducing them to the rest of the family after making sure they're okay.  You could argue that that still doesn't make them safe, but the same could be said for ANYONE.

Kids - if it were me, there is no way I would let an internet romance near my kid, unless I knew without a doubt that I could trust the person. I mean, I don't care how close I am to said person, there is no way I am going to trust that person or even a new real life romance around my kid. The protection level is astronomical, so there is no way I would put my kid near that.

Maybe I'm more trusting, but on the friendship front, I have never had any problems with taking Jason around people I know from the internet (usually from this website).  He's met more members from this board than the average poster!  I'm not going to say anything about future relationships, because I'm confident that Rice and I will be together until we kick off.

Other family members - no matter whether they support me or not, I am not sure I would be openly willing to subject my family to someone I only know from a keyboard or phone calls. It is actually kind of creepy to me....

Creepiness abounds all over.  I don't know how I can stress this anymore.  You run the same risks, be it dating the dude down the street or someone you met online.

Initial post sounds very similar to what went on here a couple of years back  :o







It does right? Probably because it did. Is it fair of me to put it out there? Probably not, but I am tired of trying to protect a friendship that really doesn't exist anymore. It became one sided, with me doing all of the work and getting nothing in return. I know that is not how friendships are supposed to work, but I can't be the only one in the friendship. Sadly, I am now being treated like the 'others' were treated. Although I felt for them at the time, I didn't fully understand what they were going through. I am sure that I still don't, but I know that the person I thought I was dealing with turned out to be someone I didn't even know. This is why the question of "How well do you really know a person online." It happens in real life too, I get that - but I guess my expectations after 4 years of friendship were still way too high.

The sad thing is - she doesn't think she has really hurt anyone.





I picked up on that, too. I was going to say something but I figured I better not.




Cat

I picked up on that, too. I was going to say something but I figured I better not.




Cat


Isn't it sad that we were all thinking the same thing?

Perhaps instead of dwelling on the relationships/friendships that have fallen apart that you've witnessed, you should think about the ones that HAVE worked out.  There are several examples on here of lasting friendships/relationships that show no sign of wavering.  I know it is hard because your friend decided to be the ultimate flake, but that is her problem, not yours.  In hindsight, she probably knows you are right, but she doesn't want to hear it.

You are so completely right. And I am valuing them so much more now.... but it still irks me to no end.


By the way, is this friend someone you know in real life or from the internet?  If you said it already, I apologize, because I must have missed it.

Nope, thank goodness, because I probably wouldn't have measured up to standards. ::)

As for your other questions:

See below for my observations.

My family never met Midas, but my mom knew where I was going, had the address of where he lived, had his phone number, and had all the pertinent facts about my trip.  She's talked to him on the phone and online before, so she was cool with my trip.  When Rice Cube and I first met, he came to my house (after being met at the BK).  My mother was there, and he had a friend with him for protection, just in case. ;D  We went out to a public place, and with the other visits he made to me, he came to my house, hung with my family, and my dad approved of him.  His family is another matter, but I won't bring them up, because the less said, the better. :-X  Anyway, my family knew them both from the start, so I had no awkwardness on that front.

It sounds like you're assuming that most people go from talking online to getting married.  Like I've said, most (sane) people take it in steps.  Talking online, talking on the phone, meeting somewhere public the first time, going out to public places, then introducing them to the rest of the family after making sure they're okay.  You could argue that that still doesn't make them safe, but the same could be said for ANYONE.

Maybe I'm more trusting, but on the friendship front, I have never had any problems with taking Jason around people I know from the internet (usually from this website).  He's met more members from this board than the average poster!  I'm not going to say anything about future relationships, because I'm confident that Rice and I will be together until we kick off.

Creepiness abounds all over.  I don't know how I can stress this anymore.  You run the same risks, be it dating the dude down the street or someone you met online.


I guess with the romance side of it, I am trying to figure out how, if someone flies across the country, ocean, whatever, initial contact aside, how does it work form there? I mean, the person can't just be locked up in a hotel room or anything right?




I picked up on that, too. I was going to say something but I figured I better not.




Cat



Isn't it sad that we were all thinking the same thing?


And like I said, it is probably wrong of me to bring it up - but seriously, I have had several friends leave these boards because of that particular person. How is it fair to them? That's why I am so confused over the whole internet romance thing. (And I am pissed off.)

Tam is a good friend. 

I made friends with a bunch of other folks on here, some of whom are no longer regulars but we still keep in touch.  There are some that are either too busy or forget as well, but life goes on.

You are so completely right. And I am valuing them so much more now.... but it still irks me to no end.

No doubt.  You want to be a good friend, but the person doesn't want that.  They just want you to agree with their warped BS.

Nope, thank goodness, because I probably wouldn't have measured up to standards. ::)

You meet ours just fine. :D

I guess with the romance side of it, I am trying to figure out how, if someone flies across the country, ocean, whatever, initial contact aside, how does it work form there? I mean, the person can't just be locked up in a hotel room or anything right?

Personally, I stayed with Midas, and we trekked around Raleigh/Durham, and then took a trip to DC.  With Rice, I stayed at his parents house (oh yeah, they loved that), we hung out in Danville, San Ramon, and Berkeley.  When he came to visit me, he stayed at my house, and we hung out in Monterey.  So they were all basically like regular dates, we just had to put a bit more effort into planning them and such, and we didn't get to see each other a lot.  That is where internet and real life relationships differ.  You have to be willing and strong enough to put up with distance if it is involved.

And like I said, it is probably wrong of me to bring it up - but seriously, I have had several friends leave these boards because of that particular person. How is it fair to them? That's why I am so confused over the whole internet romance thing. (And I am pissed off.)


We've had a couple of people like that on the boards, and it is upsetting when they play their games and make other good members leave.  It is not fair to the other people in the least, especially if the offending person disappears or gets banned.

As Jess stated...there ARE happy/positive stories about relationships that have worked out. As some of you know, my sister Beth met her boyfriend Justin here at inthe00's....and they have been going strong for YEARS..infact, I think they will end up getting married in the near future. He treats her with so much respect, and our family has grown to really love him. It took a while for him to become less shy and warm up to all of us..but now, he's really a joy to be around. I admire him for how well he treats my sister, that means a lot to me...and I really couldn't imagine her with anyone else BUT him. :)

It does right? Probably because it did. Is it fair of me to put it out there? Probably not, but I am tired of trying to protect a friendship that really doesn't exist anymore. It became one sided, with me doing all of the work and getting nothing in return. I know that is not how friendships are supposed to work, but I can't be the only one in the friendship. Sadly, I am now being treated like the 'others' were treated. Although I felt for them at the time, I didn't fully understand what they were going through. I am sure that I still don't, but I know that the person I thought I was dealing with turned out to be someone I didn't even know. This is why the question of "How well do you really know a person online." It happens in real life too, I get that - but I guess my expectations after 4 years of friendship were still way too high.

The sad thing is - she doesn't think she has really hurt anyone.




I'm sorry to you hear you are being treated the same  :(  IMHO said person was/is fickle and always will be - on and offline.

Glad you've been made to feel at home here but calling out a member like this....that's just wrong. It's called editing man- you should try it-

Putting their name in the message would be "calling them out"
And yet,You ....called Me out...........
Just giving "anonymous" example of how it can go wrong......
I received 3 PMs  telling Me I showed restraint
So..Snoz..I certainly don't want to offend You So I deleted My posting..So We can pretend that People like that don't exist on this board.


This is purely my point of view, but....

You've been on here less than a month, and in that time you've had all this happen?  Amazing.

This is purely my point of view, but....

You've been on here less than a month, and in that time you've had all this happen?  Amazing.
Yeah I'm stunned.... I'm also trying to figure out who it is!  ;D

No doubt.  You want to be a good friend, but the person doesn't want that.  They just want you to agree with their warped BS.

Warped is right! ::)

You meet ours just fine. :D

Aw, I feel so special. ;) Seriously though, if I wasn't myself then I don't know that I would have lasted here this long.

Personally, I stayed with Midas, and we trekked around Raleigh/Durham, and then took a trip to DC.  With Rice, I stayed at his parents house (oh yeah, they loved that), we hung out in Danville, San Ramon, and Berkeley.  When he came to visit me, he stayed at my house, and we hung out in Monterey.  So they were all basically like regular dates, we just had to put a bit more effort into planning them and such, and we didn't get to see each other a lot.  That is where internet and real life relationships differ.  You have to be willing and strong enough to put up with distance if it is involved.

Willing and strong is right! I mean, y'all know that I have done my marriage twice now online and on the phone, while Nasty is in Iraq. Hard as hell. But we make it work because we don't want to be with anyone else. And yes, I get that there is a difference because we are married and he is in a "war", but there is still an ocean that divides us. All I can do is work  hard on the relationship. When he is gone, we talk probably once a month on the phone. The rest is all email and messenger. Sucks but I would rather that than nothing at all. ;)

We've had a couple of people like that on the boards, and it is upsetting when they play their games and make other good members leave.  It is not fair to the other people in the least, especially if the offending person disappears or gets banned.


Exactly. 8)


Tam is a good friend. 

I made friends with a bunch of other folks on here, some of whom are no longer regulars but we still keep in touch.  There are some that are either too busy or forget as well, but life goes on.


Thanks Rice! The whole Cube family are pretty swell themselves. 8)

And I do understand that people move on, still sucks though when it hurts.

As Jess stated...there ARE happy/positive stories about relationships that have worked out. As some of you know, my sister Beth met her boyfriend Justin here at inthe00's....and they have been going strong for YEARS..infact, I think they will end up getting married in the near future. He treats her with so much respect, and our family has grown to really love him. It took a while for him to become less shy and warm up to all of us..but now, he's really a joy to be around. I admire him for how well he treats my sister, that means a lot to me...and I really couldn't imagine her with anyone else BUT him. :)


Right on Erin!

I have seen in Beth's updates and pictures and stuff on myspace that her and Justin are still going strong. That is awesome! And he seems to have changed a lot as well. And so has your sister. It is examples like this that make my heart warm, knowing that if you want it bad enough, it will work out. 8)

I'm sorry to you hear you are being treated the same  :(  IMHO said person was/is fickle and always will be - on and offline.



Yep - and it just bites that I tried to hang on to that friendship for so long - only to now realize that I was probably better off letting it go when I should have years ago. ::)

I guess I am a bit peeved about the situation because I am not getting the chance to say my piece. Frustrating as heck I tell ya!!!

Putting their name in the message would be "calling them out"
And yet,You ....called Me out...........
Just giving "anonymous" example of how it can go wrong......
I received 3 PMs  telling Me I showed restraint
So..Snoz..I certainly don't want to offend You So I deleted My posting..So We can pretend that People like that don't exist on this board.



here's where I was coming from. . .  I am overweight. I worked a job that put me in the public eye. Someone was displeased with what I did and they wrote a letter to the editor about me but in their doing so they spent a good chunk of time referring to my weight. The man sat with a thesaurus and used every variation he could.  He never used my name but that didn't make it any less cruel. 

It was nice of you delete the post although I didn't expect you to delete it...I just thought some editing was in order.

here's where I was coming from. . .  I am overweight. I worked a job that put me in the public eye. Someone was displeased with what I did and they wrote a letter to the editor about me but in their doing so they spent a good chunk of time referring to my weight. The man sat with a thesaurus and used every variation he could.  He never used my name but that didn't make it any less cruel.   

It was nice of you delete the post although I didn't expect you to delete it...I just thought some editing was in order.




What a pathetic loser that man was.  >:(

What a pathetic loser that man was.   >:(


yeah pretty much

yeah pretty much




Want me to go take care of him?  ;D 8)

Want me to go take care of him?   ;D 8)


aw thanks for the offer.... I got him back in my response letter to the paper....tho I kinda still want some revenge...so if you're down with it maybe we can round us up a posse and strike back...its only been 8 years... I'm sure he'll remember.  ;D

aw thanks for the offer.... I got him back in my response letter to the paper....tho I kinda still want some revenge...so if you're down with it maybe we can round us up a posse and strike back...its only been 8 years... I'm sure he'll remember.  ;D


*Steps forward*  You know I got your back Snoz!

There I go...starting another sentence with "you know."  ;D

*Steps forward*  You know I got your back Snoz!

There I go...starting another sentence with "you know."   ;D


you know, it's all good! Thanks  :)