So yesterday, I broke up with my girlfriend of fourteen months.  It wasn't anything I took any pleasure at all in doing, but for the past several weeks I had not felt the same way around her and I seriously questioned if I was happy with her.  It got to the point I didn't want to drive half an hour to see someone I no longer always enjoyed being with. 

The break-up was not fun.  We were in my car parked in her driveway and I told her we needed to break up.  The next 20 minutes we were in there as she cried and said she didn't understand how I could be unhappy with her since she was always happy with me, etc.  Of course of all days I had to choose the day before Valentine's Day to do this and right before she got out of the car she reached down and handed me a really beautiful, well-constructed hand-made Valentine and said "Happy Valentine's Day" sadly and left.

Later that night she texted me pleading with me to make it work.  She also called me.  I'm avoiding contacting her whatsoever because she needs to understand this is over, and I honestly believe giving her any indication otherwise would be cruel.  I still love her (obviously not the same way now), but tough love is hard.  I feel horrible about myself because I know she's devastated and its really tempting to call or message her telling her I love and her and its going to be alright but I can't do that.  I hate having to be the bad guy.

What's more, I just realized today there was a note hidden inside the Valentine she gave me.  It was a nearly-page long letter telling me how much she enjoyed me and a list of things she loved about me and the fact we would have been with each other 14 months as of today and how happy she was.  It was eerie and sad reading it.

I believe I've made the right decision, but its hard knowing you wrecked someone's life.  She told me through tears that I was all she had left.  I feel like a murderer.  Has anyone felt this way when they had to break up with someone?

Also, I really want to contact her to make sure she's okay, but I think she'd plead with me more.  How long should I wait until I check up on her (a few weeks, maybe)?

wow, last time you were here you didn't have a drivers license so it has been a long time.  hey, this sure does sound like a painful & difficult situation, more painful for your ex. no way to say exactly how to handle things. just use your best instincts. it sounds like you did it in a way that was at least decent and not cold blooded, except the day before V-day, but if the relationship had run it's course & you needed out, then you did the right thing. as the song says, "love hurts".    it's really good to see you back here at inthe00s  8) 



...and by the way, since you've been gone for so long, you won't be able to recieve  PMs if you have more than 500. I tried to send you one  :-\\

I agree with Mike. Though the day you chose could have been better. I would say don't ring her to see how she is, it can give false hope and stop someone from moving on.

I don't even know what to say to you.  She is in awful pain I'm sure, but you have to do what you have to do to get on with your life, and she must do the same.  I will say, the timing was absolutely awful, but that cannot be changed. 

I believe I've made the right decision, but its hard knowing you wrecked someone's life.  She told me through tears that I was all she had left.  I feel like a murderer.  Has anyone felt this way when they had to break up with someone?

Also, I really want to contact her to make sure she's okay, but I think she'd plead with me more.  How long should I wait until I check up on her (a few weeks, maybe)?


  I don't think I've felt the same way.  Mostly because I was the one getting broken-up with.  But the same rules apply...

  If you're determined to leave her, then just leave her and don't look back.  She'll feel better when she meets someone she's crazier about than you.  And don't make any contact with her, forever.  Keep her pictures for a few months then throw them in the garbage...

  If you have any of her stuff, keep it.  If she has any of yours, kiss it goodbye (unless it's a Rolex or something...)

Yeah...like everyone says, don't contact her.  It will only give her false hope.  It is kinder of you to just leave her alone.  She will be ok.  We all go through breakups and they are always painful, but they are a part of life.

I have to jump on Mike's bandwagon and welcome you back.  I still remember fighting with you when you were like, 13 over on AmIRight.  You sure have grown up Marsh!  :)

Hey, long time no see, Marsh! ;) Sorry to hear about your breakup, though. :-\\



Yeah...like everyone says, don't contact her.  It will only give her false hope.  It is kinder of you to just leave her alone.  She will be ok.  We all go through breakups and they are always painful, but they are a part of life.


My thoughts exactly.

Yeah...like everyone says, don't contact her.  It will only give her false hope.  It is kinder of you to just leave her alone.  She will be ok.  We all go through breakups and they are always painful, but they are a part of life.

I have to jump on Mike's bandwagon and welcome you back.  I still remember fighting with you when you were like, 13 over on AmIRight.  You sure have grown up Marsh!   :)


  Yeah, it's like, *knock-knock* "I know we haven't seen each other in eight months but I'd like my Human League cassette back..."

What you did was pretty crappy, you never ever ever break with someone at Valentine's, that's just not cool in my book.

But you showed some guts, the truth is no woman wants to be dumped and no man wants to be the one to end it. So it works like this, guys when they want to break up start acting like butts but they forget girls will figure they want out. Then girls ('cause no woman want to be with a man who doesn't love her) refuse to give them the pleasure so they make their lives even more miserable by making impossible demands and being really needy. And it becomes a game: she doesn't want him, he starts to hate her, they stay together 'cause the man is a coward and the woman is a bitch. One day the woman finds someone else and gets tired of the game, she says: "it's not working" or "i met someone new", guy is free but acts like a victim and girl ends up feeling guilty although this was all the guy's fault.

All in all...is not easy being a woman :P

What you did was pretty crappy, you never ever ever break with someone at Valentine's, that's just not cool in my book.

But you showed some guts, the truth is no woman wants to be dumped and no man wants to be the one to end it. So it works like this, guys when they want to break up start acting like butts but they forget girls will figure they want out. Then girls ('cause no woman want to be with a man who doesn't love her) refuse to give them the pleasure so they make their lives even more miserable by making impossible demands and being really needy. And it becomes a game: she doesn't want him, he starts to hate her, they stay together 'cause the man is a coward and the woman is a bitch. One day the woman finds someone else and gets tired of the game, she says: "it's not working" or "i met someone new", guy is free but acts like a victim and girl ends up feeling guilty although this was all the guy's fault.

All in all...is not easy being a woman :P
Or a man :o  How long does this whole process take?????

;D ;D ;D

   Yeah, it's like, *knock-knock* "I know we haven't seen each other in eight months but I'd like my Human League cassette back..."


;D ;D ;D ;D

Boy, that brings back some memories!

Breaking up f**king hurts!  I know 'coz I'm usually the one who gets broked up with!

I've also done my share of breaking iit off,  I mean relationships.

I broke up with this one girl in college; talked to her 12 years later and she claimed she broke up with me!  So I nudged her memory.  Then she said she pushed all my buttons to make me break up wither her.  It is true she pushed all my buttons...but she did it because we were a bad match from the word go.  I couldn't deal with her taste in...anything.  Cosmo, Billy Idol, Barbie doll collections, Anne Rice novels, John Waters movies.  Well, I like John Waters movies--watching them, not living them!

The Kinks' song "Ducks on the Wall" always reminds me of her:

My baby's got the most deplorable taste,
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace.
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall,
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall.

My lady's got a sort of strange fascination,
An obsessive fixation
For cheap decorations
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall.

Wo-wo-wo I love her so but if she doesn't move the ducks,
I think my mind is gonna go.
Ducks ducks on the wall.
Ducks ducks, hanging on the wall.

I leave the office and I want to relax.
Don't want to stare at a wall
And look at a duck that can't quack.
I love you baby but I can't fall
For those ducks on the wall.

I start to snuggle up and squeeze her so tight.
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see those ducks in flight.
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall.

Wo-wo-wo I can sit through your gossip and your soap opera shows,
But those ducks have got to go.
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall.
And when I went to a cocktail party
With the bores next door,
What was the first thing that I saw?
Ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall.

My baby's got the most deplorable taste,
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace.
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall,
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall.

I'll sit and look at all the soap operas with her
I'll play all the panel games and watch all the quiz shows,
But those ducks they've got to go,
Those ducks are getting up my nose.

If those ducks can fly, well so can I.
And if those ducks have got to stay
Then I'm going to fly away.
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall.

Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall.
Oh those ducks on the wall are beginning to move
They're talking to me
I've got to get away from those ducks.

http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/duckie.gif http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/duckie.gif http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/duckie.gif http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/duckie.gif

   Yeah, it's like, *knock-knock* "I know we haven't seen each other in eight months but I'd like my Human League cassette back..."
When Himself broke up with an ex who he refers to as 'The Nutter', they had had a big row and he left to clear his head. He realised he had left his watch behind so he went back to get it and when he got there she had smashed it to pieces with a hammer...........he split up with her right there and then.

No time is good timing. I believe it should be like taking off a bandaid - get it over with quick  :-\\

When Himself broke up with an ex who he refers to as 'The Nutter', they had had a big row


Wait...are you English?
;)

Wait...are you English?
;)
Sorry you've lost me.  ???

Sorry you've lost me.  ???


He's joking with you.  Calling someone a Nutter is markedly English.  ;D

Sorry you've lost me.  ???


And "row" (rhymes with cow) for "fight" is quite British. 
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/13/icon_thumright.gif

I love the term "nutter," but over here people would think it refers to one who nuts and to "nut" is not a bad thing, but not the same as being a "nutter" in the sense you mean!

And "row" (rhymes with cow) for "fight" is quite British. 
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/13/icon_thumright.gif

I love the term "nutter," but over here people would think it refers to one who nuts and to "nut" is not a bad thing, but not the same as being a "nutter" in the sense you mean!



Me too!  I wish I could say it and not look like a lunatic.  ;D

And "row" (rhymes with cow) for "fight" is quite British. 
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/13/icon_thumright.gif

I love the term "nutter," but over here people would think it refers to one who nuts and to "nut" is not a bad thing, but not the same as being a "nutter" in the sense you mean!

I SEE!  ;D
I had no idea 'nutter' wasn't a common phrase in America. Now I think about it though 'row' does sound terribly British.  ;D