Three words that are either impossible to say or you say it too much.

Obviously, everyone has their own take on the use of the words. Like I said in a thread that prompted this one, when hubby is deployed, he and I use the words a lot more, because of the impossible situation. And for us it doesn't lose any meaning at all. It actually helps both of us to get through the time apart. Seems trivial to some, like other things can be said, but for us it just works.

Now, when he is back home, we still say it obviously, but not nearly as much as when he is gone.

I have said that I use it under unmentionable circumstances, but since this is a serious discussion, I will say that I use it somewhat during love making. Not every single time, but there are just moments where I actually have no control and I say exactly what I am feeling. The thing is - prior to hubby, I never said I Love You during the act.

Now of course, there are other times that we say I love You. And there are times when we can't say it at all.

Many questions can come out of this discussion, so I will only offer one and let everyone else come up with some too. Please, take this thread and do what you will with it, so long as it stays on topic please.

My question: When do you think is the appropriate time to use the three little words?

Whenever i feel like saying it. Lately is a whole lot and i mean it every single time.
Some things are not better left unsaid.

I say it every now and then to make sure she knows that I don't take her for granted and value her company :)

I say it ALL the time-maybe sometimes in the most inappropriate times/places. The other day, we went to a brunch. We were standing in line to get our food. We were holding hands and I said it to my Carlos. Not exactly a place that you would think would be the place to say it. I also say it when we are in the car, When one of us is ready to walk out the door without the other, in bed-just before falling asleep, and whenever and wherever.

I also say it a lot to my family & friends. When I talk to them on the phone, right before getting off the phone, I will say it. 


Cat

Sadly, I find I don't say it enough... :(

Whenever i feel like saying it.


This is the appropriate time for me as well.

I only say things like this if I really mean it. :) I try to do it moderately to significant others. Sadly though, I find it easier to express myself to non-family members (I wish I wasn't like that, but in every aspect I've always found it easier to really open up to friends or others). I know for example that my parents know I love them and vice versa, but I ought to say it more to them.

Saying "I love you" is often a lot easier than saying "I love you, too".  :-\\


My question: When do you think is the appropriate time to use the three little words?


Good question... wish I had a good answer for it. When I'm on the road and call Nicole, we end our conversations with that. After making love, sometimes during. I never really thought about it until now, but "I love you" seems to be an evening-time only phrase with us - maybe it's time to change that.

I probably don't say it nearly enough to my family though. Thinks like "Thank you", "You mean a lot to me", etc. get used more often than "I love you".

Ant

I probably don't say it nearly enough to my family though. Thinks like "Thank you", "You mean a lot to me", etc. get used more often than "I love you".

Ant


Yeah, I wonder if it's because we just take for granted that our family knows we love them, so it feels kinda awkward to say it on a regular basis (I love Full House, but that's one thing I was never as good at). ;) That and when it's our boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife, we just naturally put more into it because it's conditional love, unlike our parents or kids and stuff.

I know I say it every time we talk, just because I think it's important, and because I really do feel it.

Saying "I love you" is often a lot easier than saying "I love you, too".  :-\\


Why do you say that?

I say it to my children every evening as I tuck them into bed.

I don't recall saying it recently to my parents  :-\\  :\'(

Like Ant I find it more of an evening thing with Dai.  If we go to bed at the same time I will say it then.  And during/after making love (though that needn't be an night time only thing  ;) )  If he is away with work and he calls then we usually end the conversation by saying I love you.

Why do you say that?


Because when I say "I love you", I mean it completely. Saying "I love you, too" means someone has already said to me "I love you". Sometimes that "I love you" comes at an odd/bad time for me (kinda selfish of me, but sometimes those are the last three words I want to hear), but the only response I know is "I love you, too". You can't really respond to "I love you" with "thanks", "I'm flattered" or "that was a nice thing to say" -  it just doesn't work.

If it's a newer relationship, "I think I'm in love with you" seems to me to be a better phrase. I've had two relationships long ago that immediately went south over the phrase "I love you".

Ant

Because when I say "I love you", I mean it completely. Saying "I love you, too" means someone has already said to me "I love you". Sometimes that "I love you" comes at an odd/bad time for me (kinda selfish of me, but sometimes those are the last three words I want to hear), but the only response I know is "I love you, too". You can't really respond to "I love you" with "thanks", "I'm flattered" or "that was a nice thing to say" -  it just doesn't work.

If it's a newer relationship, "I think I'm in love with you" seems to me to be a better phrase. I've had two relationships long ago that immediately went south over the phrase "I love you".

Ant


Ah i see. When someone says that to me and i love him back i always say " i love you more". When i don't, i say "really? you do? you really do?" yeah i'm a goof :-[

I'm with Ant  my parents say I love you and I always answer "too"  because it just feels weird to say I love you too...

when my father had his heart attack I said it more but then I feel back into old habits.  Its hard for me to say in the proper context...


but very easy for me to say when I'm joking with people "I loooveee you man!" or "that's why I/we love you"  someone at work brings me McD's apple pie or surprises me with my favorite meal from a restaurant they dined at then the I love you's flow freely!


As for relationships I've never been in love with anyone but myself  ;)  so I've never said it to anyone ever.

Oh God, I'm so terribly repressed and British!  ;D

I never tell my family I love them but I do show them all the time, we just have never said it as a family. That's not to say we are cold and unfeeling, far from it. Himself always complains that I never tell him I love him but I just say that makes it means more when I do.

When my (maternal) grandfather died, my grandmother said, "I never had a chance to tell him that I loved him." They were married for 30? 40? years. It is really sad. Because of that, I say it to Carlos all the time.



Cat

Oh God, I'm so terribly repressed and British!  ;D

I never tell my family I love them but I do show them all the time, we just have never said it as a family. That's not to say we are cold and unfeeling, far from it. Himself always complains that I never tell him I love him but I just say that makes it means more when I do.


ditto I'm not British, but being from Boston(area) it is pretty much the same thing. Visible(Verbal and non) displays of emotion are just not done.  When my son was born I decided to make it a rule to hug or kiss him at least once a day.  Sometimes I have to chase him down, but I do it.  ;D

So in honour of this thread I went to say I love you to my husband earlie his evening.  I started off by kissing him and he asked what I'd broken, what did I want, was there a problem.  So I just went back to cooking dinner.  ::)

Whenever i feel like saying it. Lately is a whole lot and i mean it every single time.
Some things are not better left unsaid.



Same here.   I don't have an SO to say it to, but I say it to my daughter when she goes to bed or leaves for school.  My sister and I say it to each other when we hang up.  I say it to my mom more than I used to as well. 

I say it much more since my father died.  The day he died I was angry with him for letting his house go to pot.  The structural things didn't bother me, but the filth did and since he was probably going to a nursing home it fell on me to deal with.  Thankfully I didn't say anything to him about it until I had researched his options in selling the property.  My last words to him were "I love you" after a visit.  I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if our last conversation was about that damn house.

I guess what I am trying to say is I try to say it as often as possible because you never know when something is going to happen.  Nobody gets out of life alive.

Difficult to say ... those words. Just seem like WORDS to me. I 'love' you.  What are you actually DOING when you say those words ?  Nothing really. Maybe you make the other person feel good .... maybe yourself ? Maybe both.

A lot of people on those hijacked planes (you know the ones I mean) .... wanted to call /say those THREE words ... to the people they suspected / knew .... they'd never see again !  Shame it takes a situation like that, to make people say things they might never have said ?


The words don't come easy to me either. Wish I could say it more comfortably to mum. Wish I could hug her more easily, like my younger brother does.

I feel bad about that. (* coming over, slightly emotional * ) .



The last time I actually said it to a girl that I was involved with ...... a borderline personality type disorder person .... it was partly out of desperation (to get her back), partly coz I thought those were the words she wanted to hear, partly coz I'd invested SO much time and EFFORT in her ... and really DID care.  Ultimately, she never really believed me, in spite of words and deeds.  I don't think I can say those words again ... to a girl ... after feeling like such a mug, to have said those words, to somebody ... who was ultimately ... really, just NOT worth it (a nasty person, I could NOT 'fix' ). 

I love you is not a phrase I  use often to anyone.  I'm okay with the Song I used in my sig because the next line is share the joy of laughter and good cheer.  It's just that there are different types of love so which one are we talking about?  
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves      

I love you is not a phrase I  use often to anyone.  I'm okay with the Song I used in my sig because the next line is share the joy of laughter and good cheer.  It's just that there are different types of love so which one are we talking about?  
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves      




No question of that.  Don't need to check your link.

Altruistic love being one type ... love for your fellow man / woman  purely to make the world / their lives a better place. 'She' .... accused me of doing what I was with her, for 'karma seeking' reasons (in so many words) ... that she was my 'charity case'.  Saying 'I love you ... I'll do ANYTHING for you' ... as I did ... publicly, with a witness (groan) ... well, there was a touch of that about it  (and maybe 'crawling' .... as she later disparaged me in an email ).

For some, it's a meant as an  expression of commitment to the other person. It's a tricky phrase, being used by some too frequently, others not enough /ever. Sometimes held back, as the 'ultimate prize' ... only given out to the most worthy/ trusted / deserving ?

I feel somewhat cheapened to have said it ... like I did, ..... when I say it VERY rarely, as it is.

In my big Italian family, we had no problem expressing our feelings.

I say I love you all the time and I truly mean it.  I say it to my husband and daughter when I leave in the morning and it's the last thing I say at night.  Now, there have been plenty of times I've said like so:  "Yes, you have pissed me off, but I still love you, you ass"! to my husband, but it all counts.  ;)

In my big Italian family, we had no problem expressing our feelings.

I say I love you all the time and I truly mean it.  I say it to my husband and daughter when I leave in the morning and it's the last thing I say at night.  Now, there have been plenty of times I've said like so:  "Yes, you have pissed me off, but I still love you, you ass"! to my husband, but it all counts.  ;)



Italian ?

I just assumed with a name like 'Shannon' .... you had to be of Irish lineage ? Or maybe you're both ?

So in honour of this thread I went to say I love you to my husband earlie his evening.  I started off by kissing him and he asked what I'd broken, what did I want, was there a problem.  So I just went back to cooking dinner.  ::)


:-[
Sometimes when I go in for a kiss and an I love you, hubby will ask me what I want.
I guess ours are on the same wavelength somewhat Karen, but it is always good to try and change patterns right? I would give you karma for trying, but I have to wait 24hrs. I like it when 'we' try different things out, because someone else inspired us. It always makes things interesting for me.

Difficult to say ... those words. Just seem like WORDS to me. I 'love' you.  What are you actually DOING when you say those words ?  Nothing really. Maybe you make the other person feel good .... maybe yourself ? Maybe both.

A lot of people on those hijacked planes (you know the ones I mean) .... wanted to call /say those THREE words ... to the people they suspected / knew .... they'd never see again !  Shame it takes a situation like that, to make people say things they might never have said ?


The words don't come easy to me either. Wish I could say it more comfortably to mum. Wish I could hug her more easily, like my younger brother does.

I feel bad about that. (* coming over, slightly emotional * ) .



The last time I actually said it to a girl that I was involved with ...... a borderline personality type disorder person .... it was partly out of desperation (to get her back), partly coz I thought those were the words she wanted to hear, partly coz I'd invested SO much time and EFFORT in her ... and really DID care.  Ultimately, she never really believed me, in spite of words and deeds.  I don't think I can say those words again ... to a girl ... after feeling like such a mug, to have said those words, to somebody ... who was ultimately ... really, just NOT worth it (a nasty person, I could NOT 'fix' ).   





No question of that.  Don't need to check your link.

Altruistic love being one type ... love for your fellow man / woman   purely to make the world / their lives a better place. 'She' .... accused me of doing what I was with her, for 'karma seeking' reasons (in so many words) ... that she was my 'charity case'.  Saying 'I love you ... I'll do ANYTHING for you' ... as I did ... publicly, with a witness (groan) ... well, there was a touch of that about it  (and maybe 'crawling' .... as she later disparaged me in an email ).

For some, it's a meant as an  expression of commitment to the other person. It's a tricky phrase, being used by some too frequently, others not enough /ever. Sometimes held back, as the 'ultimate prize' ... only given out to the most worthy/ trusted / deserving ?

I feel somewhat cheapened to have said it ... like I did, ..... when I say it VERY rarely, as it is.


Alan, I think I get where you are coming from, but try not to hold what one female did to you as a standard for every female. Obviously she was not in a good place and neither were you, and I understand holding on. I have definitely been there.

Your mum and brother - all you can do is just say it and let it go.
My husband is not overly loving when it comes to The Son. It is all in the way he was raised himself. Hubby's dad was and still is not so much emotional with him. I have tried to change it somewhat, but it is a gradual process. I at least have now gotten hubby to start verbally expressing when he is appreciative for things The Son has done, and he has started to hug him too. When he says the 3 words - it comes out more like 'luvyason' which is fine by me! ;)

Sorry if I stepped over the line Alan. All ya can do is try right? 8)

Alan, I think I get where you are coming from, but try not to hold what one female did to you as a standard for every female. Obviously she was not in a good place and neither were you, and I understand holding on. I have definitely been there.

Your mum and brother - all you can do is just say it and let it go.
My husband is not overly loving when it comes to The Son. It is all in the way he was raised himself. Hubby's dad was and still is not so much emotional with him. I have tried to change it somewhat, but it is a gradual process. I at least have now gotten hubby to start verbally expressing when he is appreciative for things The Son has done, and he has started to hug him too. When he says the 3 words - it comes out more like 'luvyason' which is fine by me! ;)

Sorry if I stepped over the line Alan. All ya can do is try right? 8)


No 'stepping over the line'  ???    seen by me, Tam .   :)  8)


I do appreciate constructive, insightful, helpful, honest comments.  8)

I say it to my family every once in a while.  I'm not the kind to throw those words around hap hazardly.

No 'stepping over the line'   ???    seen by me, Tam .    :)   8)


I do appreciate constructive, insightful, helpful, honest comments.   8)


Whew! I was worried for a minute. ;)

There was another thing I wanted to say, but I am afraid it will sound all cliche and crap....

Anyway, all theories aside, I honestly believe that there is someone for everyone. It sucks that it may take decades to find them, but I am sure that there is Mrs. Right for you out there. Patience is the key and so is not looking. Something always seems to happen when one is not looking. weird. 8)

Whew! I was worried for a minute. ;)

There was another thing I wanted to say, but I am afraid it will sound all cliche and crap....

Anyway, all theories aside, I honestly believe that there is someone for everyone. It sucks that it may take decades to find them, but I am sure that there is Mrs. Right for you out there. Patience is the key and so is not looking. Something always seems to happen when one is not looking. weird. 8)




Not looking ... is not working out too brilliantly for me ?  I spend perhaps 90% of my time, in these four walls. Still haven't figured out .... why some hot lady hasn't come hammering on my door ?









I gotta be doing SOMETHING wrong ?  Doh!  (lol ! ) .

Not looking ... is not working out too brilliantly for me ?  I spend perhaps 90% of my time, in these four walls. Still haven't figured out .... why some hot lady hasn't come hammering on my door ?

I gotta be doing SOMETHING wrong ?  Doh!   (lol ! ) .


You tickle me....  ;D ;D 8)

You tickle me....  ;D ;D 8)


Just don't tell hubby. I don't need some Big Nasty .... getting nasty ... with me !                               :D

Wow, good thought Tam.

When I leave after visiting my Ma I always say "Love you ma." That's about it.

Oh.. and to the dog, daily, because I do!



Saying "I love you" is often a lot easier than saying "I love you, too".  :-\\


You're right.

Nothing starts an argument like "I love you." 'Sweet, no worries.'  ;D

Wow, good thought Tam.

When I leave after visiting my Ma I always say "Love you ma." That's about it.

Oh.. and to the dog, daily, because I do!

...


You know, you made me have another thought.

When I converse with a lot of you here through pm - I find that I type "love ya" at the end. And I do honestly mean it. I realize that everyone is different, but there are also different meanings to the words.

Obviously, when I say them to hubby, or The Son, or my family, it is in one context, but saying to friends - it has a different meaning. Like, I can say "Love ya Andy", and I do mean it, because you have been there for me during deployments and such, or just for a quick thought, but I do value the friendship that we have, and so saying 'love you' I guess for me also means that I appreciate having you in my life.

Begs to wonder.... how many interpretations of the words do each of us have?

Begs to wonder.... how many interpretations of the words do each of us have?


I love those lorikeets ... but do THEY 'love' me ?  Probably not.  Just associated with food, entertainment, safety. As for me loving them ... I love their colors, playfulness, innocence, affection towards each other, the way THEY entertain me /fill a void, loneliness.

Do I love them to the same degree as mum ? NO WAY. There's only one mum. Damn, I just DON'T measure up .... to what I SHOULD have been.  She deserves FAR better.  :(

I love those lorikeets ... but do THEY 'love' me ?  Probably not.   Just associated with food, entertainment, safety. As for me loving them ... I love their colors, playfulness, innocence, affection towards each other, the way THEY entertain me /fill a void, loneliness.

And I get that. Makes perfect sense to me.


Do I love them to the same degree as mum ? NO WAY. There's only one mum. Damn, I just DON'T measure up .... to what I SHOULD have been.  She deserves FAR better.   :(


But Alan, you have so much to offer that is different from the expectations of others. My greatest problem is that the expectations I have set for myself are way too high - so high that I will never attain them, so I always feel like I am the let down of everyone around me. But the cool thing with 'mums' is that, no matter their expectations of us, they still love us unconditionally (most of the time). Loving yourself first is the key, IMHO, to allowing others to see the real you, so they might have the chance to fall in love with you.

(I think sometimes that you, my friend, hide behind your pranks, jokes, morphed pics in order to be sure that no one can get in, and that way you can't be hurt.)  *hugs*

(I think sometimes that you, my friend, hide behind your pranks, jokes, morphed pics in order to be sure that no one can get in, and that way you can't be hurt.)  *hugs*


*Chokes back the tears*  .... I nearly lost it there, for a moment .... when I read that ^ part.


People who know me ... in real life (not on this board) .... regard me as a spectacular failure ... somebody who should have, could have done SO much more, with their life.

In a sense, I'm a fraud ... in a sense, I hate myself, yet love myself.

I feel I've missed the boat ... wasted my life .... it could have been great. It isn't .... really.

You know, you made me have another thought.

When I converse with a lot of you here through pm - I find that I type "love ya" at the end. And I do honestly mean it. I realize that everyone is different, but there are also different meanings to the words.

Obviously, when I say them to hubby, or The Son, or my family, it is in one context, but saying to friends - it has a different meaning. Like, I can say "Love ya Andy", and I do mean it, because you have been there for me during deployments and such, or just for a quick thought, but I do value the friendship that we have, and so saying 'love you' I guess for me also means that I appreciate having you in my life.

Begs to wonder.... how many interpretations of the words do each of us have?


Dunno.  I'd say I love pizza, but I don't wanna marry it :D

I think the meanings you posted above fall right in line for when I use the word.


Love ya! ;) 8)

*Chokes back the tears*  .... I nearly lost it there, for a moment .... when I read that ^ part.


I didn't mean to touch a nerve there. I just called it like I see it. I am a lot like that too. I have this hard-ass facade that I like to wear, 'nothing bothers me' bull. Of course I hurt, cry and bleed. But I try to NEVER let anyone see that. Because to me, it shows I am weak, and weakness is not a good personality trait for me. I like being in control of myself, and the situations around me. That way nothing can surprise me or hurt me.


People who know me ... in real life (not on this board) .... regard me as a spectacular failure ... somebody who should have, could have done SO much more, with their life.

In a sense, I'm a fraud ... in a sense, I hate myself, yet love myself.

I feel I've missed the boat ... wasted my life .... it could have been great. It isn't .... really.


My view on this, which many have heard before: If they don't have the same last name as you, live at your address and pay your dang bills, then who cares! The only person you really need to be worried about pleasing is yourself. If you are not happy then only you can do something about it. But if you are happy, then don't let the view of others bring you down.

Without getting preachy.... I think there is a purpose for you - it just hasn't been revealed yet. Heck, your purpose could very well be making people around this forum smile, or making people around here feel. Who knows? I do know though that I am glad that I finally got off of my high horse and found common ground with you. I may not agree with everything you post, or how you post, but we do agree to disagree, and I value that more than anything else.

And this is the point where I plunk down my drink and say, "I love you guysh" and fall to the floor.

*hic*

I say "I love you" quite often. There are different kinds of love and different levels. I tell Vaughn that I love him all the time..and he tells me that he loves me all the time too. I tell my mom and dad that I love them everytime we end a phone call, etc. I don't tell my sisters that I love them..and that is really odd. I love them very much, but the 3 of us have never been the hugging/affectionate type with each other.

I have a few friends that I say, "I love you" to all the time. 2 of my best girlfriends and I always end our emails, phone conversations, and in person visits with, "I love you"..or "love you girl".  And, of course, I tell Jesse that I love him all the time...sometimes at the end of phone calls/ IMs, etc...and sometimes randomly in the middle of our conversation.

I think it is really important to make sure that others know that you love them..and even if they already know that you love them...it is still nice to remind them daily of how much you care about them.

Dunno.  I'd say I love pizza, but I don't wanna marry it :D

I think the meanings you posted above fall right in line for when I use the word.


Love ya! ;) 8)


As bizarre as it may seem P, I actually do kinda love ya.
You are another one who has been there for me - even when I probably didn't deserve it.

It's weird right? Because love has so many different meanings.


And this is the point where I plunk down my drink and say, "I love you guysh" and fall to the floor.

*hic*


And because I love you Girl, I will be right over to help you off the floor, and guide you into the Porcelain God so you can say your prayers. ;)

Funny thing is, I really would help you get there. Even if I was as drunk, and we would be falling all over the place and prolly losing some stuff on the way, I got a spot in my heart that could do nothing but help you get there! 8)

I say "I love you" quite often. There are different kinds of love and different levels. I tell Vaughn that I love him all the time..and he tells me that he loves me all the time too. I tell my mom and dad that I love them everytime we end a phone call, etc. I don't tell my sisters that I love them..and that is really odd. I love them very much, but the 3 of us have never been the hugging/affectionate type with each other.

I have a few friends that I say, "I love you" to all the time. 2 of my best girlfriends and I always end our emails, phone conversations, and in person visits with, "I love you"..or "love you girl".  And, of course, I tell Jesse that I love him all the time...sometimes at the end of phone calls/ IMs, etc...and sometimes randomly in the middle of our conversation.

I think it is really important to make sure that others know that you love them..and even if they already know that you love them...it is still nice to remind them daily of how much you care about them.


Agreed!
Even if the words aren't taken the way they are supposed to be taken, saying them and making them heard is an awesome feeling, no matter who we are dealing with. And it depends on who you are. Because obviously not everyone can say them with or without feeling. ;)

And because I love you Girl, I will be right over to help you off the floor, and guide you into the Porcelain God so you can say your prayers. ;)

Funny thing is, I really would help you get there. Even if I was as drunk, and we would be falling all over the place and prolly losing some stuff on the way, I got a spot in my heart that could do nothing but help you get there! 8)


I never puke, but just don't move me. ;)

Everyone has pretty much already said whatever has needed to be said.  I don't say, "I love you" to my parents or sister a lot, unless there is a crisis.  I guess that sort of jolts us all into the "must say it" mode.  Our family is not very vocal about the "I love yous", although we sure are vocal about everything else.

I try to tell Jason I love him every day, because sometimes I act like an asspet and I want him to know that no matter what my trip is, I still love him.

I should probably say it more to the Cube, but we've been married for almost four years, and I guess I just figure he KNOWS that I do, or else I would have left his ass a long time ago.  I think I used them all up when I was pursuing him like a desperate whore. :D

I love my friends, the ones online more than the ones in real life, because y'all have seen me at my worst and still put up with me.  I don't play on here; everything I say is real (never understood why I should hide cause it will all come out in the end....but that's another topic), so you know that when I'm breaking down, it's true; when I'm having an up time, it's true; when I'm sympathizing with you, it's totally real.

Okay, done rambling now.  I love you all, even the ones that I have beef with.  You make my life interesting. :-*

I never puke, but just don't move me. ;)

Everyone has pretty much already said whatever has needed to be said.  I don't say, "I love you" to my parents or sister a lot, unless there is a crisis.  I guess that sort of jolts us all into the "must say it" mode.  Our family is not very vocal about the "I love yous", although we sure are vocal about everything else.

I try to tell Jason I love him every day, because sometimes I act like an asspet and I want him to know that no matter what my trip is, I still love him.

I should probably say it more to the Cube, but we've been married for almost four years, and I guess I just figure he KNOWS that I do, or else I would have left his ass a long time ago.  I think I used them all up when I was pursuing him like a desperate whore. :D

I love my friends, the ones online more than the ones in real life, because y'all have seen me at my worst and still put up with me.  I don't play on here; everything I say is real (never understood why I should hide cause it will all come out in the end....but that's another topic), so you know that when I'm breaking down, it's true; when I'm having an up time, it's true; when I'm sympathizing with you, it's totally real.

Okay, done rambling now.  I love you all, even the ones that I have beef with.  You make my life interesting. :-*


And I think that is one of the coolest things about you. (Man, so I ever sound like a kiss-ass). But seriously, we all know that when you post anything, you are just being you. Not too many people can actually be themselves. ;)

And I think it is awesome that you tell Jason that you love him even when he thinks you are the devil. ;D My favorite saying from my mom is "If I didn't love you, you wouldn't get in trouble. I wouldn't care what you do." I remember wishing that I could do whatever I wanted, now I am thankful that I was in so much trouble then! Mom loved me a lot! ;D

  It's always been hard for me to say those three words and keep a straight face but I don't know why.  I feel uncomfortable when someone says it to me in the same way I feel uncomfortable when someone says they'll pray for me...

  Um, okay...thanks?  I'll pray for you too..?

  In a past LTR she preferred the direct approach and would ask me specific questions such as why I love her.  That always bugged me.  Sheeit, I don't know why.  I told her, "I don't know why I love you..."  She was hurt which wasn't my intention.  My intention was to be honest.  Dang, shall I fax you an itemized statement..?!

 
I love my friends, the ones online more than the ones in real life, because y'all have seen me at my worst and still put up with me.  I don't play on here; everything I say is real (never understood why I should hide cause it will all come out in the end....but that's another topic),


Sure is.  I come from the other extreme - although I won't lie, I'll leave a heck of a lot out.  (Agreed it's definitely a TTT-worthy post; the attitudes of different generations towards traditional notions of privacy.)


  In a past LTR she preferred the direct approach and would ask me specific questions such as why I love her.  That always bugged me.  Sheeit, I don't know why.  I told her, "I don't know why I love you..."  She was hurt which wasn't my intention.  My intention was to be honest.  Dang, shall I fax you an itemized statement..?!


Funny story:  Once upon a time, I was like you.

Funnier story:  With the disclaimer that it's been years since I've chosen to experience that emotion, and I've got no plans on repeating it, but should I ever screw up and take a hit on that particular neurological crackpipe, my answer will refer to something that another blogger has labeled THOMAS: The Human Oxytocin-Mediated Attachment System.

Which is what I'm currently digging up dirt on for a future post, but it involves a bit of nontrivial research into the neurochemical effects of oxytocin vs. vasopressin, and whether anyone's figured out which chemicals are involved in the pair bonds that last longer than the 2 years required for reproduction and the weaning of any offspring produced.

Long story short, in the years since I was asked the question, we've actually figured out about 2/3 of the answers, and the evidence is mounting that Robert Palmer was right.  Initial attraction is controlled by noses that detect differences in the major histocompatibility complex (where "differences" imply better resistance to disease) between partners, modulo female fertility (numerous studies suggesting that heterosexual females are more attracted to males who are "more masculine" (specifically, facial bone structures associated higher testosterone leveles) when most fertile).  If these factors lead to an embrace/kiss/sexual encounter, oxytocin kicks in, and cna form a pair bond that's likely to last for at least a year or two -- which is long enough for the mating pair to produce offspring.  Upon birth, the female gets enough of a dose of oxytocin that the female forms a permanent pair bond with its offspring, said pair bond being stronger than any pair bond it's capable of forming with its mate.  The male mate is redundant at this point; it seeks other females with whom it can reproduce.  (Likewise, at this point, the female needs the male only for its ability to provide food/shelter.  Genetic contributions, not so much.  But that's the MHC vs. Oxytocin thing again...)

At some point I'll condense all of that into something semi-articulate and start a thread on it. 

But if any female were ever stupid enough to say such a thing to me, she would get one hell of a lecture on neurochemistry.  (If she had a Ph.D. in neurochemistry, we might end up in bed anyways.  It's not like I'm unwilling to be a guinea pig, I just want everyone involved to know the whole phenomenon is nothing more than a couple of brains in a feedback loop. When the loop feeds upon itself and achieves a metastable state, both partners can achieve great happiness.  When the loop breaks down, at least one partner is devastated.  You pays your money, takes your chances.)

Once I figured out that it was just my brain playing silly evolutionary tricks on me, and that I wasn't particularly good at the game, I walked away from the whole mess.  I never wanted kids (hey, another TTT thread, namely the concept of "childless" vs. "childfree"), so for me, the value of a pair bond is pretty limited.  For me, the only way to win was not to play.  Besides, it leaves more time for the kinds of games I'm good at, namely the ones involving computers.

Obligatory Pop Culture Reference: I'm now listening to LaTour, Cold.

I've often been told that I ware my heart on my sleeve, so I have never had a problem with those three words, although I could say them more I guess.

I never had a problem saying them to my parents, especially my mom.

When is it appropriate?  I agree with others, when you feel like it.

I love you!

I love you!


I guess you don't have a problem with saying the words huh Bobo?

You know, you made me have another thought.

When I converse with a lot of you here through pm - I find that I type "love ya" at the end. And I do honestly mean it. I realize that everyone is different, but there are also different meanings to the words.

Obviously, when I say them to hubby, or The Son, or my family, it is in one context, but saying to friends - it has a different meaning. Like, I can say "Love ya Andy", and I do mean it, because you have been there for me during deployments and such, or just for a quick thought, but I do value the friendship that we have, and so saying 'love you' I guess for me also means that I appreciate having you in my life.

Begs to wonder.... how many interpretations of the words do each of us have?



This post made me think. I did pick up on you saying "Love ya" at the end of your PMs and I never commented on that. I guess because I was thinking that "I don't know you well enough to tell you that I love you". (Not just you, per say Tam, but others here who I have developed a very deep friendship with.)  But then I started thinking-there are several people here on the boards who I do love. I know I don't have to tell everyone that it is a different love than I have for Carlos.  I do give (virtual) hugs to people but there is only ONE person I will give  :-* to. No offense to anyone but when I give that smiley it is to the love of my life.



I've often been told that I ware my heart on my sleeve, so I have never had a problem with those three words, although I could say them more I guess.

I never had a problem saying them to my parents, especially my mom.

When is it appropriate?  I agree with others, when you feel like it.



I love you so very much.  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*



Cat

   In a past LTR she preferred the direct approach and would ask me specific questions such as why I love her.  That always bugged me.  Sheeit, I don't know why.  I told her, "I don't know why I love you..."  She was hurt which wasn't my intention.  My intention was to be honest.  Dang, shall I fax you an itemized statement..?!


I ask that all the time too, i think it's an insecurity issue. I don't understand why someone would love me, you know?
My favorite answer for that is "because".

I am probably much like Cat and say "I love you" at any and all times I feel like it, appropriate or not...  In the car, when it is silent. Before bed, when leaving for work, when coming home from work....  In the middle of nowhere, at a funeral, when I'm upset (you get the picture - anywhere).  I tell it to my husband, girls, and mother, brother, sister, nephews...... Doesn't matter - Love them all with all my heart...  If I stop saying it, I will be worried. 

I never expect it back, I never ask qualifiers when I hear it  ;),  I just say it...


But what I do not do  - is hug (don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable, I feel stupid).  Don't know any reason for hugs, I shudder when someone makes the attempt (I suck it up and hug back - but no long lingering hug - More like,can I let go now :-\\ :-\\ :-\\)

That is me in a nut shell; for better or worse.

Obviously since I'm not in a relationship my use of the phrase is limited to family.

In terms of when...for me it is just when it feels right or comes from the heart.  I totally get the concept of saying it too much can render it meaningless, but as was stated, I think it depends on the couple.  If it is from the heart, then "too much is never enough".  I also believe actions are just as important, but who doesn't like to hear it even if just time to time?

I always make sure it is the last thing I tell someone that I love (i.e. parents, brother, Micah).  If something happened to any of us, I would want that to be the last thing I said to them.  I've noticed that my mom has said it more in the last couple years than ever before.  I have always known she loved me of course, but it seems like recently she has made more of a point of saying it when we are about to hang up...and to say it first (not that it matters to me, it was just noticeable because she had never done that before).  Not complaining of course, just an observation.

I love you is a very meaningful phrase for me and when I say it, I mean it everytime. I say it all the time to my mom, Dad, and brother. To others, I may just say it in a more casual form, such as "Love ya," where it doesn't sound as binding, but it still gets the meaning across. To my boyfriend, I say it in various forms, but try not to do it on overkill as he was brought up differently than myself and expresses it in different ways besides saying it verbally. But, when he does say it to me, I see that twinkle in his eye and it sure warms my heart  :)

I ask that all the time too, i think it's an insecurity issue. I don't understand why someone would love me, you know?
My favorite answer for that is "because".


   I think you're right about the insecurity.  I thought I was being clever with that answer.  Her penchant for getting down to brass tacks was endearing at first but ya can't shake hands with God.  If you do you'll die...

   I think you're right about the insecurity.  I thought I was being clever with that answer.  Her penchant for getting down to brass tacks was endearing at first but ya can't shake hands with God.  If you do you'll die...


I could probably look up "brass tacks" and figure out what you mean isntead of admiting i don't understand what you're saying :-[

I could probably look up "brass tacks" and figure out what you mean isntead of admiting i don't understand what you're saying :-[


It's more or less like saying "getting down to the nitty gritty", being blunt and straight forward, honest...

I think.  ???

brass tacks

^ ;)

knew I could count on you! 8)

It's more or less like saying "getting down to the nitty gritty", being blunt and straight forward, honest...

I think.  ???



brass tacks


Thank you, ladies. I'm still a little confused though... What did the God part meant? :-\\

It may refer to the whole mystique of love.  Like, if you really have to break it down and analyze it, it sort of loses it's meaning or magic or whatever.  :-\\

Thank you, ladies. I'm still a little confused though... What did the God part meant? :-\\


I honestly don't know.
Well, that is to say that I have a theory, but it is all religious and stuff.
Perhaps Dave will have to fully answer this one ;)

In a sense, I'm a fraud ... in a sense, I hate myself, yet love myself.

I feel I've missed the boat ... wasted my life .... it could have been great. It isn't .... really.



I completely understand this... same here to some extent.



*goes of to listen to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody"
Mama! I don't wanna die but sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all...  :\'(

   It's always been hard for me to say those three words and keep a straight face but I don't know why.  I feel uncomfortable when someone says it to me in the same way I feel uncomfortable when someone says they'll pray for me...

   Um, okay...thanks?  I'll pray for you too..?

   In a past LTR she preferred the direct approach and would ask me specific questions such as why I love her.  That always bugged me.  Sheeit, I don't know why.  I told her, "I don't know why I love you..."  She was hurt which wasn't my intention.  My intention was to be honest.  Dang, shall I fax you an itemized statement..?!


I've actually said to someone...please don't... I think it's hypercritical of me to allow someone to pray for me when I don't believe in prayer.

I believe in wishful thinking and positive thinking but prayer not so much.  :-\\

Thank you, ladies. I'm still a little confused though... What did the God part meant? :-\\
i think maybe the god part is a stand-in for that which can't be put into words. love is often such a thing, no? to name it is to diminish it. which is why sometimes when one person asks another, "why do you love me?", the act of looking at the feeling, the love, and trying to find words that will explain it, automatically distances you from it. i think the best answer is, "well, i can tell you some things that are like the reasons i love you, but the real reason i love you, i can't explain." and then list some of those things.

everyone has endearing mannerisms and admirable things about their character, and in answering the question, "Why do you love me?", these sorts of things are usually what get listed. it can be the way someone walks or laughs, the fact that they give charity to the homeless or take on a meaningful cause, but answering with things like that doesn't explain why you love that person and not another. love like that is feeling and knowing the real existence of another person's soul and where it comes to conveying that feeling, words are paltry failures. and so, god.

I'm a lover.  I don't always show it well, but I have a ridiculous heart, and I can honestly say that I love very nearly everyone.  I really do.  It's not just talk.  I'm a big bowl full of jelly.  I think it's why I have such a hard time smiting people on the smite thread.  I just can't do it.  I know it's crazy, but it's true.  I mean, sure I can be a smart @ss to people like Andrew that know me well, but honestly, I'm always so afraid that I'm going to hurt someone's feelings.  That is seriously my biggest fear in life.  Anyway though, back to the topic at hand, I am ALWAYS telling the people in my life that I love them.  The people I love anyway.  My husband probably hears it about 15 times a day, I tell family members, and friends.  I think you have to tell people.  I like to hear it, so of course I say it.




i think maybe the god part is a stand-in for that which can't be put into words. love is often such a thing, no? to name it is to diminish it. which is why sometimes when one person asks another, "why do you love me?", the act of looking at the feeling, the love, and trying to find words that will explain it, automatically distances you from it. i think the best answer is, "well, i can tell you some things that are like the reasons i love you, but the real reason i love you, i can't explain." and then list some of those things.

everyone has endearing mannerisms and admirable things about their character, and in answering the question, "Why do you love me?", these sorts of things are usually what get listed. it can be the way someone walks or laughs, the fact that they give charity to the homeless or take on a meaningful cause, but answering with things like that doesn't explain why you love that person and not another. love like that is feeling and knowing the real existence of another person's soul and where it comes to conveying that feeling, words are paltry failures. and so, god.


That was really deep tia.  And awesome.  I seriously love you right now. 











In a sense, I'm a fraud ... in a sense, I hate myself, yet love myself.

I feel I've missed the boat ... wasted my life .... it could have been great. It isn't .... really.


You darling man.  Honestly, I think everyone feels that way sometimes.  I know that I have felt that way in my life.  But just getting to know you the little bit that I have lately, I think you're great. 




Oh.. and to the dog, daily, because I do!




This is why I love Andrew.  I really really love him.  Because he comes off like a serial killer, but then he has to go and say something like this.

And I also tell my dog I love him daily.  Several times a day, actually.  And I KNOW he understands me.

^
Oh Ash,you're such a sweetie :-*


i think maybe the god part is a stand-in for that which can't be put into words. love is often such a thing, no? to name it is to diminish it. which is why sometimes when one person asks another, "why do you love me?", the act of looking at the feeling, the love, and trying to find words that will explain it, automatically distances you from it. i think the best answer is, "well, i can tell you some things that are like the reasons i love you, but the real reason i love you, i can't explain." and then list some of those things.

everyone has endearing mannerisms and admirable things about their character, and in answering the question, "Why do you love me?", these sorts of things are usually what get listed. it can be the way someone walks or laughs, the fact that they give charity to the homeless or take on a meaningful cause, but answering with things like that doesn't explain why you love that person and not another. love like that is feeling and knowing the real existence of another person's soul and where it comes to conveying that feeling, words are paltry failures. and so, god.


Thank you for that, i think i got it now!
You must be in love too, huh Tia? ;)

You must be in love too, huh Tia? ;)
could be :P

This is why I love Andrew.  I really really love him.  Because he comes off like a serial killer, but then he has to go and say something like this.

And I also tell my dog I love him daily.  Several times a day, actually.  And I KNOW he understands me.
I was good at cuddling the cat and telling him I loved him, just not the rest of the family!  ;D

i think maybe the god part is a stand-in for that which can't be put into words. love is often such a thing, no? to name it is to diminish it. which is why sometimes when one person asks another, "why do you love me?", the act of looking at the feeling, the love, and trying to find words that will explain it, automatically distances you from it. i think the best answer is, "well, i can tell you some things that are like the reasons i love you, but the real reason i love you, i can't explain." and then list some of those things.

everyone has endearing mannerisms and admirable things about their character, and in answering the question, "Why do you love me?", these sorts of things are usually what get listed. it can be the way someone walks or laughs, the fact that they give charity to the homeless or take on a meaningful cause, but answering with things like that doesn't explain why you love that person and not another. love like that is feeling and knowing the real existence of another person's soul and where it comes to conveying that feeling, words are paltry failures. and so, god.


Had to give you karma for this.
I have always known that you are a deep thinker, and that you honestly do care, but I have never fully seen this side of you. I like it. (Don't get me wrong, it isn't because you said God or anything.) You managed to capture, in essence, what I think is truly meant. And yes, you made my eyes prick with tears. 8)

Whenever i feel like saying it. Lately is a whole lot and i mean it every single time.

I say it alot and I also mean it..... We need more love in our world and we need it fast before its too late!!

I think its beautiful to tell someone you love them....

Peace and love to you all http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif/

I always say it to my friends and family.  :)