I've lost a few good friends and relatives over the past 3 years. I also lost my dog a few months ago.  :(

Great thread, Cat.

last year,I lost my Cousin Steven at age 57 and this year lost a good friend of the Family,his name was Bernie who used to work with my father at his lodge,he was 84. :(

I'm sorry for everyone's losses.


About 6 months ago i met a girl named Luciana,her first words to me were "Welcome to hell, i'm Luci as in Lucifer". Luci was crazy and fun,she was the one who made us laugh at least once every hour. She went through such hardships and never lost her sense of humor. She was a rebel who didn't take sheesh from no one,it could be a nurse,a doctor or the pope if she didn't want to do something she wouldn't.

But she also had a big heart,she loved her husband and her two kids desperately and she took me under her wing since day one because she knew i wouldn't survive without her help.

Luci woke me up one day at 3am to say goodbye,she told me she was going home because she had enough and wasn't going to spend her last days dressed in an hospital gown. She told me not to fret because i was a big girl now and i could make it on my own. She hugged me and kissed my head and said she was happy we had met and that everything would be ok.

Luci was the bravest woman in the world and i feel blessed for having the chance to know her.

I'm sorry for everyone's losses.


About 6 months ago i met a girl named Luciana,her first words to me were "Welcome to hell, i'm Luci as in Lucifer". Luci was crazy and fun,she was the one who made us laugh at least once every hour. She went through such hardships and never lost her sense of humor. She was a rebel who didn't take sheesh from no one,it could be a nurse,a doctor or the pope if she didn't want to do something she wouldn't.

But she also had a big heart,she loved her husband and her two kids desperately and she took me under her wing since day one because she knew i wouldn't survive without her help.

Luci woke me up one day at 3am to say goodbye,she told me she was going home because she had enough and wasn't going to spend her last days dressed in an hospital gown. She told me not to fret because i was a big girl now and i could make it on my own. She hugged me and kissed my head and said she was happy we had met and that everything would be ok.

Luci was the bravest woman in the world and i feel blessed for having the chance to know her.
that's so sad but you were blessed to have her as your friend. she sounds like she was very unselfish, and cared more for others. you'll always remember her  :)

I remember when my Mother told me a long time ago that this woman who would've been my cousin Bea died in 1950 when my Mother was just 5 died of breast cancer. :(

It seems like a lot of board members have been losing loved one lately. I thought it would be nice if we had a place where we can talk about the people (or even pets) who have left us. Call it grief counseling if you will. I will go first.


As most of you know, I lost my beloved grandmother in Feb. who was 99 years young. Even at her advanced age, she was as sharp as a tack. She was highly intelligent but unfortunately, she grew up during a time when women didn't have many opportunities.  She wrote a couple of cookbooks and was famous for her cookies. She is even on Wikipedia thanks to my cousin. 

I lived with her for about a year when I was a teen. There was a lot of things going on with my parents which is why I went to live with her. After that year, I went to live with my mother and step-father and I think that hurt Grandma which I feel so guilty about.

She used to always recite Shakespeare. My dad learned it from her as did I. One time, the 3 of us would be reciting Shakespeare as one of my sisters looked at us as if we were from a different planet or something. But, the 3 of us knew-sort of like speaking our own language. When I look in the mirror, I see my grandmother's eyes. There is a photo of her when she was a teen that if people didn't know, they would think it was me. This is one of my favorite photos of her-it is her college graduation photo.

A couple weeks ago, we were all dividing up her stuff-I know it seems so sad. She downsized years ago and made sure everyone got something so these were the things that meant so much to her to hold on to. I got the majority of her books. There was an old book of the complete works of Shakespeare. I said if no one wanted it, I would take it-the book was falling apart but it had my great-grandfather's signature in front. (People wrote their names in their books in those days). No one wanted it but I had the feeling my dad would (he wasn't in the room at the time). Everyone was saying that Dad wouldn't. When he came into the room, I showed it to him and he did indeed want it. I can't understand why no one else in my family understands how important Shakespeare was to Grandma or to Dad & myself.  When we first got to town, we went to my niece's house (because that was the place I knew how to get to). One of the first things she did was hand me Grandma's copy of Gone With the Wind-the same book that I used for a class project when I lived with her. I almost started crying. I didn't realize that the book was a gift to her and my grandfather from her sister (who was also beloved and we lost about 10-15 years ago).

One of sisters used to tell "Funny Grandma stories" to the people she worked with because she was the one who took Grandma to her appointments, grocery shopping, etc. It was her who Grandma counted on more than anyone. I know my sister is probably grieving more than any of us (except for maybe my dad & aunt).

Good-night sweet Grandma. And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.  :\'( :\'( :\'(

Anyway, that is my memorial. Who is next?


Cat


Cat,

That was beautiful.  To all who have lost ones they love (present tense because I believe our love for them never goes away), whether posted or not, my deepest sympathy to you.

It is just past 20 years (can it really be that long??) that I lost my maternal grandmother.

Just over 4 yrs ago that I lost a dear friend whose birthday is (was, I mean) the day after mine.  He & 3 friends jut got their pilot licenses.  They were up in a small plane and it exploded.  It was on national news, but since no names were given, didn't know it was him til his mom called mine and she called me.

June 8, 2008 (the day after I put my mom in the hospital w/ pneumonia) we got the call that we lost my dad's only brother (the youngest of 6, only my dad & 2 sisters left). I just found out 2 days before that he had been diagnosed w/ cancer a few months ago.  I admit to not being that close to Uncle Jeff as he moved to Florida many years ago (most of the family didn't speak to him when they found out they beat his wife and was an alcoholic).  But from what I heard, he had stopped drinking and really turned his life around down there.

This board was a great idea. 

During my Cousin's Barmitzvah Lighting Candle ceremony my cousin lit the candles for people that were involved in his life,My Brother who died a month before he was born,My grandmother who couldn't be at the party needed to be taken care of and another Uncle of mine.

I'm sorry for everyone's losses.


About 6 months ago i met a girl named Luciana,her first words to me were "Welcome to hell, i'm Luci as in Lucifer". Luci was crazy and fun,she was the one who made us laugh at least once every hour. She went through such hardships and never lost her sense of humor. She was a rebel who didn't take sheesh from no one,it could be a nurse,a doctor or the pope if she didn't want to do something she wouldn't.

But she also had a big heart,she loved her husband and her two kids desperately and she took me under her wing since day one because she knew i wouldn't survive without her help.

Luci woke me up one day at 3am to say goodbye,she told me she was going home because she had enough and wasn't going to spend her last days dressed in an hospital gown. She told me not to fret because i was a big girl now and i could make it on my own. She hugged me and kissed my head and said she was happy we had met and that everything would be ok.

Luci was the bravest woman in the world and i feel blessed for having the chance to know her.


It's people like that who make the most impact.  The thought of them makes you able to face almost anything.

So today marks the - what I don't really want to call it an anniversary- Four years ago today I lost my best friend Patti

She was an angel and a trooper and I miss her as much today as I did the day she died.

Patti suffered from a rare form of uterine or cervical cancer - and I remember her calling me one day to say "I PEED!" she'd been on a catheter and colostomy bag for a year so she found great joy in sitting on a toilet for the first time since then  ;D

We laughed and celebrated her victory. She died less than a year later. Stupid health care system- she'd found a treatment that was working but they wouldn't approve it so when the money ran out she stopped treatment.

Today her kids are now 17 and 23, Patti would've been a grandmother this year... Jakie is now 8 mnths old.

I miss her.  :\'(

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa235/snozberries44/File0048.jpg


This is us at my college grad in 2000. She was diagnosed a year later.  Patti is the blond, then our kooky friend Carol, me and my dad.

So today marks the - what I don't really want to call it an anniversary- Four years ago today I lost my best friend Patti

She was an angel and a trooper and I miss her as much today as I did the day she died.

Patti suffered from a rare form of uterine or cervical cancer - and I remember her calling me one day to say "I PEED!" she'd been on a catheter and colostomy bag for a year so she found great joy in sitting on a toilet for the first time since then  ;D

We laughed and celebrated her victory. She died less than a year later. Stupid health care system- she'd found a treatment that was working but they wouldn't approve it so when the money ran out she stopped treatment.

Today her kids are now 17 and 23, Patti would've been a grandmother this year... Jakie is now 8 mnths old.

I miss her.  :\'(

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa235/snozberries44/File0048.jpg


This is us at my college grad in 2000. She was diagnosed a year later.  Patti is the blond, then our kooky friend Carol, me and my dad.






I'm sure she knows she's missed.  The health care system doesn't like to cover anything they deem is experimental (or expensive).  So many people have lost their lives that could have been saved if the system actually cared about people.  She shouldn't have died.

Very nice picture of you and your family Snoz. :)

gee thanks howie  ::)


Kathie thanks for the kind words. yeah health care sucks

My good thoughts are with you, Q. {{HUGS}}

Ah...sorry to hear about your friend Patti, Q.  Her memory will live on in her friends and family.
That infuriates me about her health care system not covering what was needed.  A pox on them!

Thx guys.

I'm sure she knows she's missed.  The health care system doesn't like to cover anything they deem is experimental (or expensive).  So many people have lost their lives that could have been saved if the system actually cared about people.  She shouldn't have died.


Thats a great picture, its so sad when someone so young dies. The potential, kids not knowing their Mom. Its just so sad. (((hugs)) to you my friend. http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/07/pftroest.gif

I hope my grandmother lives to 100(she's 91 right now),when she comes to New York because it's expensive right now in Florida she'll be starting "assisted living",She's the only grandmother I have now. :(

Thanks Deb.


I hope so too Howard.  As long as she can stay healthy and vital.

So today marks the - what I don't really want to call it an anniversary- Four years ago today I lost my best friend Patti

She was an angel and a trooper and I miss her as much today as I did the day she died.

Patti suffered from a rare form of uterine or cervical cancer - and I remember her calling me one day to say "I PEED!" she'd been on a catheter and colostomy bag for a year so she found great joy in sitting on a toilet for the first time since then  ;D

We laughed and celebrated her victory. She died less than a year later. Stupid health care system- she'd found a treatment that was working but they wouldn't approve it so when the money ran out she stopped treatment.

Today her kids are now 17 and 23, Patti would've been a grandmother this year... Jakie is now 8 mnths old.

I miss her.  :\'(

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa235/snozberries44/File0048.jpg


This is us at my college grad in 2000. She was diagnosed a year later.  Patti is the blond, then our kooky friend Carol, me and my dad.







I know there is nothing I can say so I will just give you this.


(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))  (and karma)

If you need an ear, you know where to find me.


Oh, and BTW-great photo.



Cat

thanks Cat. You know it's just the day- I hate that day. Wait until April 9th...I'll be a wreck.

Thanks Deb.


I hope so too Howard.  As long as she can stay healthy and vital.



She's got another 9 years.My Grandfather died on September 24th,1989 and I believe he was 77 so she'll outlive my grandfather.

She's got another 9 years.My Grandfather died on September 24th,1989 and I believe he was 77 so she'll outlive my grandfather.


Assisted living is great my Mpm thrived iin it. It gave her a sense of independence, she loved her apartment,  she lived there for 6 years, they were always going on trips and doing activities, she made lots of friends.  and then got too sick to live there any longer. She required more intense medical treatment than they could provide, so we placed her in onre pf he best  nicest long term care facilities in the country. She lived there for 5 yearsa nd after her initial  adjustment became reaqlly popular, served as a patient rep
Then her health really started going downhill about a year ago. constant pneumonia, in and out of the hospitsl.
when my Daughter and visited her last December she seemed improved. We had a great time, she was lucid, aqnd wanted to go to the  Casino!
We took her out to Red Lobster instead. Against the nurses  advice. To which my Mom saqid "Fu*k you I'm not a prisioner. So we broke her out. My daughter and Both have experience transferring from Wheelchair to car so no problem.
Mom had a drink with dinner and when I went into th bathroom she stole mine. So by the time we returne dher she was too souse to mofve,
so these sweet emts transfered her for us I guess they were dropping of another patient and just happene to be there

6 weekws later she was gone.It was like we knew it would be the last time we wouild have fun together.
I sometimes miss her so badly in a little kid kinda way. I Jouirnal about that and thiose feelimgs. I still miss her and always will. especially with my birthday coming u0 .My first one without her. :\'(                 

Assisted living is great my Mpm thrived iin it. It gave her a sense of independence, she loved her apartment,   she lived there for 6 years, they were always going on trips and doing activities, she made lots of friends.  and then got too sick to live there any longer. She required more intense medical treatment than they could provide, so we placed her in onre pf he best  nicest long term care facilities in the country. She lived there for 5 yearsa nd after her initial  adjustment became reaqlly popular, served as a patient rep
Then her health really started going downhill about a year ago. constant pneumonia, in and out of the hospitsl.
when my Daughter and visited her last December she seemed improved. We had a great time, she was lucid, aqnd wanted to go to the  Casino!
We took her out to Red Lobster instead. Against the nurses  advice. To which my Mom saqid "Fu*k you I'm not a prisioner. So we broke her out. My daughter and Both have experience transferring from Wheelchair to car so no problem.
Mom had a drink with dinner and when I went into th bathroom she stole mine. So by the time we returne dher she was too souse to mofve,
so these sweet emts transfered her for us I guess they were dropping of another patient and just happene to be there

6 weekws later she was gone.It was like we knew it would be the last time we wouild have fun together.
I sometimes miss her so badly in a little kid kinda way. I Jouirnal about that and thiose feelimgs. I still miss her and always will. especially with my birthday coming u0 .My first one without her. :\'(                 8)



I'm sorry about all the pain you had to go through with your grandmother. :(

I'm sorry about all the pain you had to go through with your grandmother. :(


It was her mother, Howard.

I'm sorry about all the pain you had to go through with your grandmother. :(


Thanks for the kind words, Sorry for the misspellings, it was kinda late at night. Yes it was my Mom and I guess its because I am about to celebrate my first birthday without her that it is making me think about it more.

I had a dream that I picked up a phone and she was on the other end and said to me "Tell Jim to bring the dog with him when he comes". Jim is my husband!!! I told her she couldn"t be calling because she had been dead for almost a year. The phone went dead and I just kept screaming Mom, Mom are you there? I woke up in tears. This was two days ago. I'm still spooked.

It was her mother, Howard.


Thanks I reread my post and I guess since it was so late at night it was full of thing that were misspelled.
But thank you anyway.

Thanks for the kind words, Sorry for the misspellings, it was kinda late at night. Yes it was my Mom and I guess its because I am about to celebrate my first birthday without her that it is making me think about it more.

I had a dream that I picked up a phone and she was on the other end and said to me "Tell Jim to bring the dog with him when he comes". Jim is my husband!!! I told her she couldn"t be calling because she had been dead for almost a year. The phone went dead and I just kept screaming Mom, Mom are you there? I woke up in tears. This was two days ago. I'm still spooked.



I am a firm believer that loved ones who have passed come to visit us in our dreams.



Cat

I am a firm believer that loved ones who have passed come to visit us in our dreams.



Cat


I am also. That was what has me spooked.

I am a firm believer that loved ones who have passed come to visit us in our dreams.



Cat



It's like I feel my brother's spirit after 13 years he's been gone.In his room (the one that I have now since 1989),I know that he's there being my guiding light and my shining star. :)

It's like I feel my brother's spirit after 13 years he's been gone.In his room (the one that I have now since 1989),I know that he's there being my guiding light and my shining star. :)


That is so sweet. How comforting it must be. :)

That is so sweet. How comforting it must be. :)


It Is.He was my only brother but I know that his spirit lives in this house after 35,36 years we've been living here.

It was her mother, Howard.


But to be fair Patty she didn't mention it was her mom until the 6th word so you can see how he missed it


;D


Just kidding Howard  ;)

Anyone have this dream after that person passes on,you see them or someone that looks like that person walking down the street,that's spooky. :o :(

Missing my mom who passed away Oct 4th 1985 :\'( :\'( :\'( She was 51 years young.

Anyone have this dream after that person passes on,you see them or someone that looks like that person walking down the street,that's spooky. :o :(


Actually Howard I have had a similar "Dream". Only I was awake.

My best friend, Stephen, died of a gunshot wound through the back and into the heart in a drive-by shooting. From police reports, he was not the target, the dumbass that shot him missed his target and hit Stephen. I was at home when this happened, lying in bed reading (as I do a lot before I go to bed), when I just happened to glance up towards the far wall of my bedroom I saw a shadow shaped like Stephen and I heard his voice saying "Bro, it'll be all right!". Not more then 2 minutes later my phone rings, it's his step-daughter telling me what happened. I Immediately got up, got dressed, hopped in the car and drove to his house. I arrived just as the ambulance was leaving.

Anyone have this dream after that person passes on,you see them or someone that looks like that person walking down the street,that's spooky. :o :(

After my grandfather died I dreamt he came out of my closet and said goodbye..My daughter was born 5 years after my mother died,and both she and my son both claim they saw a white figure that they say was my mother in their closet one night.

I haven't but my aunt was at my grandmas when she was dying.  My aunt was sitting on the couch reading and when she looked down the hall she swears she saw my Grandma walking with her sister from her bedroom to the guest room.  By this time my grandma was on a morphine patch and not moving anywhere and her sister had passed away years before.  Not too long after that my grandpa came out of the bedroom and said she was gone.   

Missing my mom who passed away Oct 4th 1985 :\'( :\'( :\'( She was 51 years young.


(((hugs))))

I was driving down the freeway at a pretty good clip. I hadn't thought about Patti for a couple days but she sort popped into my head and I said hey Patti and she said I should slow down but it was too late.... the CHP hidden behind the barrier wall clocked me and I got a ticket.  ;D


Sometimes I still see Carly's ghost standing by my front gate to welcome me  :\'(

Missing my mom who passed away Oct 4th 1985 :\'( :\'( :\'( She was 51 years young.



((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))



Cat

Missing my mom who passed away Oct 4th 1985 :\'( :\'( :\'( She was 51 years young.


Hugs to you Ninny. :)

Especially for Janine (ninny)

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone by W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Especially for Janine (ninny)

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone by W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
How beautiful.  I believe this was recited in the movie 4 Weddings and A Funeral

How beautiful.  I believe this was recited in the movie 4 Weddings and A Funeral
I had heard it before, but it was Four Weddings and a Funeral that made it more popular.

Especially for Janine (ninny)

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone by W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.


very beautiful Phil.

Here is the blog I wrote tonight for MySpace.  I'll post it here because I don't think I have the fortitude to type up two different things.

My grandmother died yesterday.  She was 80 years old.  It was sudden and unexpected and not welcome.  I won't go into the details about what happened.  I don't want to.  I'm already having a bitch of a time trying to wrap my head around the fact that she is dead.

Now many of you know me in real life, and you know of how my family regarded my grandmother.  It was not pretty, and only now at this late date do I realize what I lost.  Do I regret how I felt about her when she told me I was a mistake? No, I was justified in disliking her for that remark.  I forgave her for it, but I never forgot.  After what I've gone through with my own mental health, I now realize that she probably had her own personal demons that were tormenting her, which led to that remark about me and my other cousin.  Do I still hate her for the mess that happened when she kicked us out of her house?  No.

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that I'm not going to qualify my grandmother for sainthood.  She had her faults, her quirks, her eccentricities (yeah, I spelled that correctly while doing shots of tequila), but f**k, she was still my grandmother, and that is what is gnawing at me on the inside.

Why the F**K did I not visit her more?  Why didn't I take the boy to see her more?  Why didn't I pay more attention to her stories?  Why didn't I just try to listen to her?  WHY WHY WHY?  These questions are f**king killing me, and people, please spare me the bulls**t of not knowing what I have until it's gone.  I've sort of f**king figured that s**t out.  Oh God, why didn't I care for her more?  She wasn't a bad person, just sort of...out there mentally, and God knows, I can totally relate to that.

I cherish the long ago memories of her cooking in the kitchen.  I cherish the memory of her trying to teach me how to make  lemon meringue pie and how she didn't even get mad at me when I burned the lemon filling.  Grandma, I finally learned how to make it right.  You'd be proud of me.  All the things we did together as a family are hitting me full force right now: camping at Shasta and her making my cousin and I biscuits and gravy for breakfast......going to the fair one last time before my grandfather died.....the holidays, oh God, the holidays....oh, my heart hurts so bad.  The guilt of not seeing her after I moved away, of rolling my eyes when she spoke, of just getting short with her for no reason.  Karma is a bitch, and it comes in the form of a conscience, the conscience that will incessantly nag at you and won't let up for all the past wrongs you have done to someone.

I guess this post is sort of an apology and a goodbye.  An apology for not being there more, for not being a better granddaughter, for not visiting a lot when I was in town, and most of all, for not being able to be there when she died yesterday.  I desperately wanted to tell her goodbye, but most of all, I wanted to tell her I was sorry.

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.-David Harkins

Goodbye, Grandma.  I love you.

thanks for opening up and sharing your feelings Jessica. I think the good memories you have of her are wonderful, especially because they revolve around food, the kitchen or cooking and those experiences always provide good memories.  and the final writing says it really well... do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on  

Thank you Jessica,that must have been hard to do. It was very heartfelt and emotional.
You have me thinking of my family.Over a year in a half ago my mother-in-law came to our house and said some pretty nasty things about my kids and myself,my husband was so full of rage that he has only said one sentence to her since. Missy & I will talk to her, but Tim Jr. refuses to ackknowldge her as his grandmother. She has made a few feebile attempts to apoligize,but at the end she will say something stupid like it was are fault because we moved down the road from her.
Like you and your grandma I forgave her,but can't forget what she said. I know she has health issues (heart problems) but I fear Tim Sr,&Jr. wont forgive her till it's too late.

Sharing your feelings is a big step to getting past the past.  I don't think we ever get over anything, just past it.  You have my thoughts and prayers. {{hugs}}

Jessica, I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother.  I think your feelings about not being a better Granddaughter is normal.  I went through it.  After 15 years I still say after doing something right "see Grandma I'm not such a screw up after all."  I'm also sure your Grandmother knows how much you love her. 

I often regret being nasty to my Grandmother in a passive aggressive way.  However knowing my Grandma somehow she knows just how sorry I am.  I take what she taught me, table manners, how to use a typewriter and how to make a darn good cake and I vow never to shame her on those things.

Message to my Grandma . . . I love you and miss you and yes I finally getting gray hair.  Oh, and I'm a Democrat (ha, ha, chip off an old block ;) )

Jess...that was a beautiful post. It actually brought tears to my eyes....  Eaze up on yourself..regret and guilt can eat you up.

That really was a great post Jess very honest. You say you wanted to tell her you were sorry.. you just did and did it very well!
I wish I could karma you again..... ((((hugs)))))

Thanks everyone.  I guess (more than) several shots of tequila and a night of crying can really make a person let loose with emotion.

Thanks everyone.  I guess (more than) several shots of tequila and a night of crying can really make a person let loose with emotion.



yeah...but some times its a good thing...did it help any getting that off your chest?

yeah...but some times its a good thing...did it help any getting that off your chest?


It did, actually.  I haven't really cried since late Thursday night and I'm able to think of her little quirky habits (like saying "warsh" instead of "wash") and smile.  It is still hard to see her listed under the recently deceased on the mortuary site, though.

I have been meaning to write something about my sister in this thread for so long but every time I even THINK about it, the tears start welling up (as they are doing now). However, I think NOW I may be able to muddle through something.

As I have told a few of you, I wasn't exactly close to my sister. In fact, I thought she was extremely self-centered-except where her girls are concerned. (Unfortunately, her girls are extremely self-centered, too but that is a different story). There was a side of my sister that I didn't know. Reading people's comments about her, I was surprised. Maybe these people saw something in my sister that I didn't-or knew her better than I did.

As many of you know, her death hit me VERY HARD-harder than I ever expected because I wasn't that close to her. But, I think why it did is because of a slight feeling of guilt because I SHOULD have been closer to her-after all, she is my sister. One of my sisters ("Dawg") said shortly before her death that she was worried about her. The thought in the back of my head was that I should have called her-but every time I did call, I never knew what to say to her. So, I didn't. And now I am regretting that.

She did make one of my dreams come true (with the help of Carlos). We stayed with her when we were out in Tulsa in 1998 for my grandmother's 90th birthday party. She had tickets to Disneyland that were going to expire at the end of that year. (She used to work at the Disney Store and got tickets all the time.) We were headed out to L.A. after the party to visit Carlos' sister who lived out there at the time. So, Carlos & I went to Disneyland thanks to my sister. That was something that I had always wanted to do. My last memory of her will be with ALL my sisters as we were making faces, laughing up a storm, and just having a good time. I know several of you have seen those photos.

It is still very hard for me-even though it has been about 9 months since we lost her (and over a year since I last saw her).  I'm not as depressed as I had been a few months ago, but I still find myself on the verge of tears when I think about her so I try not to think about her-but it doesn't always work.



Cat

My mom died today... :(

My mom died today... :(


Oh man, I'm so sorry.  {{{HUGS}}}

I am so so sorry to hear about your mother Step-Chan. :(  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

My mom died today... :(


I am so sorry, Step-chan.  {{{hugs}}}

My mom died today... :(

Oh dear!! :o :\'( I am so sorry that happened. My condolences to you and your family.

My mom died today... :(
I'm sorry Step-chan. please accept my sympathy to you and family. take care

Anyhoo...I haven't participated much in this thread mainly because none of my family members have recently checked out. The last one to do so was my great-uncle Bill on Halloween in 2007, at age 77. He was the last of my great-uncles.

The first immediate family member of mine to die was my maternal grandfather at age 60 in August 1985. He'd had cancer and was sad that he wouldn't live to see me grow up, since I was only 5 at the time and only a week and a half away from starting kindergarten.
Then my great-grandmother (my mom's mom's mom) died in July 1988 at age 83; she was the last of my great-grandparents. I don't remember what her cause of death was, but I know that her funeral was the first I ever remember attending.
Then from 1999 through 2004, my mom's family had three passings: my maternal uncle at age 44 (liver disease); my mother's cousin Sam at age 55 (heart attack); and my great-uncle Joe at age 88 (stroke). I attended all of their funerals.

Thanks everyone. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but it is hard.

Thanks everyone. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but it is hard.


I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I can't.  The only advice I can give you is don't hold your feelings in.  It's not healthy.  If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.  Letting your feelings out is emotionally healthy.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I can't.  The only advice I can give you is don't hold your feelings in.  It's not healthy.  If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.  Letting your feelings out is emotionally healthy.
I agree. when my mom passed away at too early an age, i remember crying like a baby because it hurt and thinking, geez, I haven't cried in about 30 years and now look at me. it hurt, but it was good to not hold in my feelings which is what i usually do

My mom died today... :(


Oh stephen.  So sorry to hear that.

My deepest condolences to you, Stephen.

Thank you.


I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I can't.  The only advice I can give you is don't hold your feelings in.  It's not healthy.  If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.  Letting your feelings out is emotionally healthy.


I have.

My mom died today... :(


(((hugs))) I'm so sorry step!!  :\'(

Thanks.

I have.



{{{{hugs}}}}

Thanks everyone. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but it is hard.


Just know that you have a lot of people here who are here for you.  I'm so sorry Stephen.  I'm here if you ever need to talk.  (((((HUGS))))))

Thanks everyone. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but it is hard.


Our condolences won't make it much easier, but you've got 'em anyways.

When you're feeling up to it, remember that whatever your relationship was with them, at some point in their lives, your parents were awesome.

My mom died today... :(

Oh man... :\'(
Feel so bad for ya man... That's tough...

My mom died today... :(




(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))


Just know if you need to talk-we are here. If you don't feel like talking-that's cool, too. Sometimes things hit 6 months, a year or whenever down the road. So, if you EVER need to talk-we are here.



Cat

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))


Just know if you need to talk-we are here. If you don't feel like talking-that's cool, too. Sometimes things hit 6 months, a year or whenever down the road. So, if you EVER need to talk-we are here.



Cat


What Cat said.  I have had my moments of missing my dad and the people here are great listeners when you just need to get it off your chest.

You're in my prayers, Stephen-Chan.

Thanks everyone, I am feeling slighty better today.

My mom died today... :(


My condolences

Thanks everyone. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but it is hard.


Sorry to hear this sad news Step-Chan. You have to grieve however you need to...fond memories are a wonderful thing to hang on to.

My mom died today... :(


I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

My mom died today... :(


So sorry to hear this, Stephen. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

My mom died today... :(

So sorry to hear this Stephen. My prayers go out to you and your family