Has this happened to anyone here? I'm deeply romantically in love with this girl I've known for a few years, as a friend. All my other female friends, this doesn't happen to me. I'm homosexual sexually, but I'm so deeply in love with this girl...not sexually. Like I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Actually, I can see that... I'm straight myself, but I know what it's like to love someone in a totally non-sexual way.. happened to me last March. Wasn't as strong as you have here, but I really loved her.

Has this happened to anyone here? I'm deeply romantically in love with this girl I've known for a few years, as a friend. All my other female friends, this doesn't happen to me. I'm homosexual sexually, but I'm so deeply in love with this girl...not sexually. Like I want to spend the rest of my life with her.


I have a sister that is straight.  She is not attrated to women at all, yet she is in a relationship with a woman.  I think it's the personality that you two have fallen in love with, not the gender.

I too find the girls I am physically attracted to are different from the ones I am emotionally/romantically attracted to. A bit like a Frederick Klegg mentality (have you read 'the Collector' by John Fowles?). So there's a sort of division between romantic love and sexual attraction.

Btw, James, do you usually feel this 'romantic attachment' more with girls or guys? Or is it just this one friend?

Has this happened to anyone here? I'm deeply romantically in love with this girl I've known for a few years, as a friend. All my other female friends, this doesn't happen to me. I'm homosexual sexually, but I'm so deeply in love with this girl...not sexually. Like I want to spend the rest of my life with her.


Interesting.

It seems you have what Steve Winwood described as a 'higher love'. Usually when a person is so in tune and connected with the other, it goes way beyond the physical side. I am a heterosexual but I have that connection with my male friend. We both share the same wave-length, sense of humour and ideals.

Yes, I've fallen in love with a girl that I am not attracted to.  for months I would dream about kissing her and dating her,but I found it very difficult to think about her sexually.

Yes, I've fallen in love with a girl that I am not attracted to.  for months I would dream about kissing her and dating her,but I found it very difficult to think about her sexually.
wow, talk about a thread *bump*  so have you had any physical contact at all with this girl, your friend?  ???
I'm gonna guess the answer is no and that you have very little experience sexually so this is not unusual. Just thinking about her sexually may not be enough for you. An intimate close encounter is more likely to trigger sexual arousal. For instance, when a guy & girl embrace, sometimes there is a natural reaction. It's called getting turned on. ;D    I wouldn't worry about it.  and then again, maybe you're just meant to be really good friends.  8)

They had this once on 20/20 couples who were married,but did not have sexual atraction toward each other,they are Asexual.
This group argues that you can be as intimate without sex as you are with sex. They say that they marry for companionship but have no intention of consummating their relationships. They seem perfectly content with their lifestyle.
http://newlyweds.about.com/b/2008/08/28/can-married-couples-go-without-sex.htm

I think I may have misunderstood this thread.  Non-Sexual Romantic Love

isn't that more like being very close friends. how romantic & loving can 2 friends get without it turning sexual?

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.


All these years after the movie...we still don't believe that ::)

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.



Don't forget what happened after that conversation:  1) They had sex and 2) They ended up getting married :)

Don't forget what happened after that conversation:  1) They had sex and 2) They ended up getting married :)


;D ;D

I would disagree with the Harry met Sally thing.  The two people I would call my best friends are both male.  I don't think they've ever wanted to have sex with me - its not something I'd ask them really.  :-\\

All these years after the movie...we still don't believe that ::)
of course you don't believe that. You want guys to appreciate your brilliant minds, your creativity, your sense of humor, and other traits and not just desire you phyisically.  and many guys do recognize and validate those things and  but....    they're still guys, & you're still girls  ::)



Don't forget what happened after that conversation:  1) They had sex and 2) They ended up getting married :)
oh yeah, and remember the look on Harry's face as they lay there in bed after?  Sally is laying there looking all dreamy and euphoric and he's in shock at what he & his friend just did  http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c235/badfingermike/HarrySally.jpg


I would disagree with the Harry met Sally thing.  The two people I would call my best friends are both male.  I don't think they've ever wanted to have sex with me - its not something I'd ask them really.  :-\\
they would lie to you if you asked  ;D  and disagree if you must, but the thought has crossed their mind.  ;)


...by the way, I really don't agree with the Harry/Sally thing but it's a funny exchange

of course you don't believe that. You want guys to appreciate your brilliant minds, your creativity, your sense of humor, and other traits and not just desire you phyisically.  and many guys do recognize and validate those things and  but....     they're still guys, & you're still girls   ::)


Well you can desire someone physically because of their "brilliant minds "creativity" "sense of humor". I'm not so sure about our differences, in the end before being men or women we're all just human. Sometimes i think the gender issue is more like a big conspiracy than a real problem.

I would disagree with the Harry met Sally thing.  The two people I would call my best friends are both male.  I don't think they've ever wanted to have sex with me - its not something I'd ask them really.  :-\\


I don't know you.  I don't know them.  Yes they have. 

(But no, you probably shouldn't ask.)

I prefer sexual romantic non-love!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I believe you can bond and be close with the same or opposite gender without necesarilly having sexual feelings. There's even lots of women where I might think they're cute but I don't necesarilly have direct sexual feelings for them (yes, that can co-exist too).

I've never believed in that "a guy always wants to sleep with his female friends" crap they passed off in When Harry Met Sally. Oh I'm sure some do, but you can't say that about everyone. I've had billions of crushes as far back as I can remember (way before 12), and it was usually just liking them in general in a more romantic way. The sexual stuff was more secondary even when I did/do feel it.

I've always gotten along with girls/women really well too (even if I WAS shy around them alot of the time as a kid for that very reason - its like they were friends AND i thought of them as girlfriends all at the same time. :D

I love the movie, but have had lots of close guy friends with whom I've never had sex.

Case in point:

In college (undergrad), I was very close friends with a guy.  He was from Niles, I was from Buchanan (about 10 mins apart), but didn't meet until we went to Albion College (2.5 hrs from home, full of Detroit suburb kids--read "snobs").  There were many nights sophomore year that I spent in his room, in his bed and we never even did so much as kiss. Seriously, it wasn't like that.  I would put on one of his Van Heusen dress shirts to sleep in and would be his "teddy bear."  We were both clothed and they were some of the best night sleeps I ever had.  (Freshman year I was totally in love with his best friend, who was my first love, it just didn't work out).  Unfortunately, he fell in love with a girl in our class who absolutely hated me (probably thought there was something going on but we didn't like each other like that).  It was only by a lucky chance that I got to go to their wedding.  I know she wasn't happy about it, but I was glad I didn't have to miss my best friend's wedding (and the bonus was that I got to see Juan again) ;)

So I know it CAN be platonic....for both people.

I love the movie, but have had lots of close guy friends with whom I've never had sex.

Case in point:

In college (undergrad), I was very close friends with a guy.  He was from Niles, I was from Buchanan (about 10 mins apart), but didn't meet until we went to Albion College (2.5 hrs from home, full of Detroit suburb kids--read "snobs").  There were many nights sophomore year that I spent in his room, in his bed and we never even did so much as kiss. Seriously, it wasn't like that.  I would put on one of his Van Heusen dress shirts to sleep in and would be his "teddy bear."  We were both clothed and they were some of the best night sleeps I ever had.  (Freshman year I was totally in love with his best friend, who was my first love, it just didn't work out).  Unfortunately, he fell in love with a girl in our class who absolutely hated me (probably thought there was something going on but we didn't like each other like that).  It was only by a lucky chance that I got to go to their wedding.  I know she wasn't happy about it, but I was glad I didn't have to miss my best friend's wedding (and the bonus was that I got to see Juan again) ;)

So I know it CAN be platonic....for both people.


indeed it CAN be platonic as you & many others have attested








...but the fact is he probably still thought about doing you  :-\\ 

...but the fact is he probably still thought about doing you  :-\\  



Hate to mess up your theory, Mike, but I am 100% sure that he NEVER thought about doing me--nor I him.  Sorry, my friend.  :)

Hate to mess up your theory, Mike, but I am 100% sure that he NEVER thought about doing me--nor I him.  Sorry, my friend.   :)
no way Amy.  how can you be 100% sure he never thought about it  ???      was he a virgin?  I'll grant that he was a gentleman with strong boundaries but something happens when the male body is pressed up against a female body, even in a platonic friendly cuddle embrace. so when you cuddled, you never felt him get aroused  ;D   
sorry, could help myself  ::)

Aww c'mon, not every straight guy is like that. :D I've really gotta diffuse that When Harry Met Sally stereotype.

Lots of times there's been girls I've been attracted to "in that way" but I can recognize merely liking them and even thinking they're cute, but not necesarilly wanting more like dating or something. They don't always run together, then again I'm not like most guys (not trying to sound like MJ in the "Thriller" video! ;D) so maybe my perspective really is different than usual.

It can be Platonic...but one person wishes it wasn't.
::)

Aww c'mon, not every straight guy is like that. :D I've really gotta diffuse that When Harry Met Sally stereotype.

Lots of times there's been girls I've been attracted to "in that way" but I can recognize merely liking them and even thinking they're cute, but not necesarilly wanting more like dating or something. They don't always run together, then again I'm not like most guys (not trying to sound like MJ in the "Thriller" video! ;D) so maybe my perspective really is different than usual.
no, not every straight guy is like that but I still say that most of the ones that aren't like that are virginal guys & I don't mean that disparagingly. Your strong position on this would lead me to believe that's your status. There are lots of "non experienced" guys & girls that are probably horny as goats, and then there are some that the instinct is just not as strong. I agree every straight guy is not like that but to diffuse the HMS stereotype and prove that guys & girls can be good close friends, & be alone together in a bed, even physically cuddling and yet not think about sex, well you'd  have to know lots of guys like that. I don't. You can only speak for yourself and I can really only speak for me, and I think the physical chemistry that naturally occurs is almost unavoidable, even between good friends.
*just a side note here, I'll add a personal bit of info that I waited until I got married to get freaky  8)


Nice Guy Syndrome 
An affliction that usually develops in males during their early twenties, preventing them from getting some. Virgins are particularly susceptible. Common symptoms include:

- nice, friendly personality
- lower than average self-confidence
- frequent high-fives with females
- socially awkward
- perpetually single
- has numerous friends that are girls
- often seen wearing plaids
- hugs women using the A-Frame technique     what is this?  ???



It can be Platonic...but one person wishes it wasn't.
::)
;D  exactly, and which one would that be?

A-Frame hug (page 13 if the link isn't direct to that page)

huggin wthout any 'bits' touching

A-Frame hug (page 13 if the link isn't direct to that page)

huggin wthout any 'bits' touching
thanks karen..those hugs suck  ;D    don't anyone here give me an A-Hug

no, not every straight guy is like that but I still say that most of the ones that aren't like that are virginal guys & I don't mean that disparagingly. Your strong position on this would lead me to believe that's your status. There are lots of "non experienced" guys & girls that are probably horny as goats, and then there are some that the instinct is just not as strong. I agree every straight guy is not like that but to diffuse the HMS stereotype and prove that guys & girls can be good close friends, & be alone together in a bed, even physically cuddling and yet not think about sex, well you'd  have to know lots of guys like that. I don't. You can only speak for yourself and I can really only speak for me, and I think the physical chemistry that naturally occurs is almost unavoidable, even between good friends.
*just a side note here, I'll add a personal bit of info that I waited until I got married to get freaky  8)


Nice Guy Syndrome 
An affliction that usually develops in males during their early twenties, preventing them from getting some. Virgins are particularly susceptible. Common symptoms include:

- nice, friendly personality
- lower than average self-confidence
- frequent high-fives with females
- socially awkward
- perpetually single
- has numerous friends that are girls
- often seen wearing plaids
- hugs women using the A-Frame technique      what is this?   ???

;D  exactly, and which one would that be?



Well okay, I'd say about half that list fits me (or did until recently), but seriously you can be girl crazy without wanting to "get some", they don't always go hand in hand. I know alot of things about me are contradictory, but that's how I am.

Basically I'm like a gay guy who is into girls. ;D

Well okay, I'd say about half that list fits me (or did until recently), but seriously you can be girl crazy without wanting to "get some", they don't always go hand in hand. I know alot of things about me are contradictory, but that's how I am.

Basically I'm like a gay guy who is into girls. ;D
;D that's funny and I know what you mean. I know I may stereotype with the HMS movie thing and say that all guys are having sexual urges and thoughts but I think my main emphasis was that a guy that's had sex is gonna find it hard to not think about it while admiring and hugging and cuddling his beautiful female friend. but it doesn't make them any less of a friend until they cross the boundary of NON-Sexual Roamntic love and then the whole thing changes for good.

no way Amy.   how can you be 100% sure he never thought about it  ???      was he a virgin?  I'll grant that he was a gentleman with strong boundaries but something happens when the male body is pressed up against a female body, even in a platonic friendly cuddle embrace. so when you cuddled, you never felt him get aroused   ;D   
sorry, could help myself  ::)



No, I didn't, but you are so incredibly sweet to think that the thought even crossed his mind.  Thank you SO MUCH for the ego boost.  *platonic hug of gratitude*

I had a rough day, but you made it all so much better!  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, I didn't, but you are so incredibly sweet to think that the thought even crossed his mind.  Thank you SO MUCH for the ego boost.  *platonic hug of gratitude*

I had a rough day, but you made it all so much better!  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you didn't just give me an A-hug did you  ;D   

you didn't just give me an A-hug did you  ;D   





Knowing how much you dislike them? No way, Mike.  But it was still platonic ;)