~~Vote by replying to this thread with your three favorites in order: Top choice gets 3 points, next gets 2 points, third favorite gets 1 point.
~~You're not allowed to vote for your own song.
~~Once you've posted a vote, you're not allowed to change it.
~~Voting continues until the last day of the month ends.
~~Anyone who's participated in a SOTM contest may vote.
~~Anyone who enters but does not vote by the end of the month is disqualified and may not participate next month.
~~Voters must leave a brief comment on every parody, indicating they've read it for the SOTM contest (something like, "SOTM--555" or whatever)
~~In the event of a tie, the parody with the most first place votes wins. If it's still tied, the parody with the most second place votes wins. If it's still tied, a brief playoff round will be held. All participants will have the first week of the month to choose one favorite from among the tied entries. Tiebreaker voting is strongly encouraged but not required. On the eighth day the one with the most votes wins.



1.  2004 (the year in review by Ethan Mawyer

2.  Grope of Schwarzenegger by Johnny D
             mp3

3.  Twelve Days of Finals by 2nz

4.  Kick Me Baby One More Time by Jeff Reuben

5.  Confidential:  The Secrets of AmiRight by Kristof Robertson

6.  These Zits by Luke Brattoni

7.  Gotta Go! by Arwen

8.  Wooden; It Be Nice by Paul Robinson

9.  Still Votes Ones by Scathe

10.  STUFF! by Stuart McArthur

11.  For Us With Broken Gifts (will Receipt Do?) by Know 1 can hear you dream
                  sample

12.  tNSotP 5: Chimney Damage by Spaff.com
mp3

13.  Super Gals In Sequined Gowns Were Wearing Red Galoshes by Tim Mayfield

14.  Men Speak by EmiLoca

15.  Coal in the Stockings by Chris Bodily TM

16.  You Put de Milk in de Coco(a) Puffs by Claude Prez

17.  Dihydrogen Monoxide by Phil Alexander

18.  Pizza Sauce by Agrimorfee

19.  I'm My Own Girlfriend by Rick Duncan

20.  Slack or tight (2) by MarthaDtox

21.  Computer Hack by Dusty D

22.  Wasn't it So Nice? by Merry and Pippin

23.  Heroes of Suburbia by Brit O'Connor

1 - Kick Me Baby One More Time by Jeff Reubens

2 - Gotta Go! by Arwen

3 - Men Speck by EmiLoca

1. Grope of Schwarzenegger by Johnny D
    My Hotel California Parody came out around the same time as this one and it made me realize how much more practice i need.    Very great depiction of what's happening in it unfortunatly  ;D

2. 2004 (the year in review) by Ethan Mawyer
    Great thing about this parody is that we can all relate to the happenings of 2004. Downfall is i dont like the original song

3. Heroes of Suburbia by Brit O'Connor
    I love Green Day and I love Green Day parodys. This brough back some good memories of childhood.

23 entries....this is going to take some work. :o

EDIT< 4 hours later:

Easier than I thought it would be, but the competition WAS very tough--here ya go

3pts--Spaff.com (Deserved not just for this song, but the entire DSotM parody)
2pts--Claude Prez (still retains its humor, even in milk!)
1pt--EmiLoca (for an interesting point of view)

Rick, it was a very close decision--you would have placed 4th for me if there was a slot, but Emi takes 3rd just for successfully taking on the challenge of the One Week song. Another Honorable Mention to Luke for his Zits song, which no one outside of Australia has probably ever heard, but still is a masterful work of poetry IMHO. 8)

Thanks Agri. You don't need to explain, I picked an 80 year old song and a naughty topic. I don't expect many votes, I just liked it.

I just love proving Rick wrong. (since it happens so rarely)

3pts to #19. Rick D
2 pts t0 #1. Ethan Mawyer
1pt to #14. EmiLoca

It's very difficult to pick just three, but here goes.

1 point for Dusty D

2 points for Spaff.com

3 points for Chris Bodily TM

Luke, I'm wrong often. Just ask my wife. And thanks.

Another great month...so hard to choose!
OK...here goes:

3 points....Johnny D: Grope of Schwarzenegger
2 points....Claude Prez: You Put de Milk in de Coco(a) Puffs
1 Point....M&P: Wasn't It So Nice

Sheesh!  :o

Luke, I'm wrong often. Just ask my wife. And thanks.

I take it she's the one that directed you to the eternally-rhetoric site, 'AmIRight?'.

Yep. She was right.

Yet another stellar round. This time I had six in my top three. The survivors:

3 points: #16, "You Put de Milk in de Cocoa Puffs"
2 points: #14, "Men Speak"
1 point: #19, "I'm My Own Girlfriend"

xoxox
Spaff

My votes

Johnny D--3 pts  damn funny!

Phil A-- 2 pts---  damn clever!

Emiloca--1 pt---  damn men!

Three points to #12 (Spaff)

Two points to #19 (Rick)

One point to #5 (Kristof)

Great round everybody.

I have yet to comment on them all...but I read them...I'll comment in the next couple of days.  Here are my votes...

3 points for 2nz (#3)

2 points for Emi (#14)

1 point for Jeff (#4)

My top three for SOMT are:

1. Chimney Damage - Spaff -- 3 pts.
2. 2004 - Ethan -- 2 pts.
3. Pizza Sauce - Agrimorfee -- 1 point

Good luck and let the best parody win.  :)

*dances*
Someone voted for me on my first time entering! YAY!

Just a friendly reminder that there is a rule requiring voters to comment on every entry by the end of the month.  I've been a little lax enforcing this (no one's ever actually been penalized for it as long as they do vote) but it's starting to happen more often.  The rule exists to promote feedback for all the songs, which is the main reason many people enter so if you enjoy receiving comments please be courteous and give them also.  If you don't know the original song, you may not be able to fully appreciate the parody but you can still read it and give your thoughts.  Or just leave a meaningless comment to let people know you did at least click on it.  Thank you for your cooperation.

thanks for the reminder!! am feeling v gulity!!

will rmedy the situation forthwith!

thanks for the reminder!! am feeling v gulity!!

will rmedy the situation forthwith!

Actually, I totally wasn't thinking of you; you're usually very good about it so don't feel guilty.

Well, I think this is the most outstanding round I've been in.  I missed a couple in the middle part of last year but it's hard to imagine a better group of parodies.  Very tough to choose,  but a few did stand out to me...then deciding 1st/2nd/3rd...Ouch!  OK...

1st place -  #2  Johnny D's "Grope Of Schwarzenegger" grabs my top vote
2nd place -  #14 Emiloca's - "Men Speak" spoke volumes about this young lady's talent
3rd place -  #16 Claude P's - "You Put de Milk in de Cocoa Puffs" - rolled sweetly in 3rd place here

It was very tough to leave 2nz's "12 days" parody out of the top 3...in a lot of months it would have been my first of 2nd choice, I think.  Some of the others seemed to be right there, too, but I didn't know the OS.  Nice work, everybody.

pr

Actually, I totally wasn't thinking of you; you're usually very good about it so don't feel guilty.


I think he was thinking of me...but I SWEAR I will comment on all of them before the end of the month!!!

I think he was thinking of me...but I SWEAR I will comment on all of them before the end of the month!!!

Um, no, actually -- you're really good about it too.  Sorry about the confusion.

Strange. Where are my votes? I´m 99,9 % sure I voted during the weekend.

Um, no, actually -- you're really good about it too.  Sorry about the confusion.


It's probably more my guilty conscience (since this is the first month I haven't gotten right on it) than it is your confusing post, Claude... :)

Um, no, actually -- you're really good about it too.  Sorry about the confusion.


*  looks around  *

whoa, me! - sorry claude - right onto it

3 pts :  5.  Confidential:  The Secrets of AmiRight by Kristof Robertson

2 pts :  2.  Grope of Schwarzenegger by Johnny D

1 pt  :  3.  Twelve Days of Finals by 2nz

:)

*  looks around  *

whoa, me! - sorry claude - right onto it



All right, now you guys are just messin' with me.  Bastards.

All right, now you guys are just messin' with me.  Bastards.


I was pretty sure it was me.  But I always have a guilty conscience  :)

All right, now you guys are just messin' with me.  Bastards.


LOL!!  I love you, Claude!

3 Points - #22 for M&P's wallow in nostalgia
2 Points - #5 for Kristof calling me a Mormon ;)
1 Point - #20 for Martha's take on the gym

All right, now you guys are just messin' with me.  Bastards.



LOL!  and not at all - I think the work you put in is fantastic :)

3 points for # 8.  Wooden; It Be Nice by Paul Robinson 
(Everybody knows I love pirate parodies!)


2 points for # 6.  These Zits by Luke Brattoni
(Masterpiece of hilarious grossness - great word usage, like "horripilation")


1 point for # 23.  Heroes of Suburbia by Brit O'Connor
(I like rock opera, I like the X-Men, and I know what it's like to tackle a big parody project like this!)

3 votes:   Johnny D
as I said, this is my favourite Johnny parody of all, which is a big statement

2 votes:  Kristof
because he made such an outrageous idea work - and everyone loved it - and he gave it that "Sound of Music" sappy storyline stuff as well - so many dimensions of good

1 vote:  Emiloca
because it had a driving dark intensity, which made it unusual

and I had to drop some good ones off, but, what a month...

i believe that a big part of what makes a good parody is the current popularity of the song. So here are my votes:

3 points: pizza sauce by agrimorfee (see above)
2 points: men speak by emiloca (even if it was a bit insulting)
1 point: you put de milk in de coco puffs by claude prez (i think it would sound reallly funny if it was recorded but the  original song is too old and short to do any better)

I wonder if I´ve ever seen the votes spread out as much as this, with a record number of contestants we are apparently providing fun for almost every taste and kink and just a few of us seems to be left with null this time. Well, in my case it´s my own fault, I didn´t finish my best Christmas parody ("Christmas Fruitcake": http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/franksinatra72.shtml) until early January. Maybe I´m timingly challenged in that particular field of "pacing"?  :D

Though, (from a shortlist of 12!) these below were the ones most in tune with this particular Swedes taste and kinks:


3 Points to "Twelve Days of Finals"  by 2nz

2 Points to "Men Speak"  by EmiLoca

1 Point to "You Put de Milk in de Coco(a) Puffs"  by Claude Prez

On another note (and I´m just thinking out loud here): Maybe for the comps of 2005 we are now ready to work with a 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 scale of points instead of 3-2-1? Any opinions on that?

On another note (and I´m just thinking out loud here): Maybe for the comps of 2005 we are now ready to work with a 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 scale of points instead of 3-2-1? Any opinions on that?



well, given there are more entries now, maybe I would support a 5-4-3-2-1, although I still think the 3-2-1 system is working well because of what you said in your previous post

Why does the link to "The Only Thread That Matters" lead to this board?

>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

Why does the link to "The Only Thread That Matters" lead to this board?

>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(


I've had that happen before, and if it's the same thing I'm thinking of,  it's an error in the way the 'Song Parody Contest' quick link (for the most recent thread) displays sometimes. Just go on back, go into the 'song parodies' section directly, and you'll find a working link to the only thread that matters. Also, if you use the quick link from the 'inthe00s' page to get there often, pay attention to whether the quick link to 'The Only Thread...' is next to 'Song Parodies' or 'Song Parody contests'. If it's the latter, you'll wind up in some random thread.

On another note (and I´m just thinking out loud here): Maybe for the comps of 2005 we are now ready to work with a 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 scale of points instead of 3-2-1? Any opinions on that?

Interesting thought.  On the one hand, I'm not unhappy with the current scale.  On the other hand, it usually is painful to give zero points to so many excellent parodies.  Maybe we should try it for a month to see how it goes; I don't know.

On another note (and I´m just thinking out loud here): Maybe for the comps of 2005 we are now ready to work with a 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 scale of points instead of 3-2-1? Any opinions on that?

That IS an interesting suggestion...of course with the quality of the last few SOTM's in particular it will still be very tough and you will still leave out very good works because you think that there are 5 better ones.  I'm leaning in favor of supporting the change, at least for a month trial if enough people want to try it...but...think about getting shut out completely when all you have to do is have ONE person think your piece was no worse than FIFTH!  OWWW!! the anguish...Self esteem:  :\'(

That IS an interesting suggestion...of course with the quality of the last few SOTM's in particular it will still be very tough and you will still leave out very good works because you think that there are 5 better ones. I'm leaning in favor of supporting the change, at least for a month trial if enough people want to try it...but...think about getting shut out completely when all you have to do is have ONE person think your piece was no worse than FIFTH! OWWW!! the anguish...Self esteem: :\'(


Well, when I hosted a rap competition, I utilised the same voting technique as used in World Idol, where you automatically give yourself x points (x being the number of contestants) and then number down to 1 point for your least favourite.

This did work well, with everyone getting a whole sheesheload of points just for entering, but is it worse having your name on 1 or 2 points all the time or would you rather be saved any embarrassment by being anonymously under the top 5 votes with a number of  other competitors? I suggest the latter, and agree that 5 points would be better as I ALWAYS have to choose between a hoard of good'uns.

darn all of you and your mothers for making me choose three in a month with so much quality work from so many authors.

3 points: "Heroes of Suburbia" by Brit O'Connor
(I too like rock opera, Green Day, X-men and endurance-trial songs like this)

2 points: "You Put de Milk in de Coco(a) Puffs" by Claude Prez
(I too like Cocoa Puffs, and I too would have spelled it wrong)

1 point: "For Us With Broken Gifts (will Receipt Do?)" by k1chyd
(I too like ACDC, this particular song by ACDC, and cracks about holiday commercialism)

Shouting out to everyone else for the quality recognition your work deserves. Special shouts to Paul's 'Wooden; It Be Nice' and Scathe's 'Still Votes Ones', which would be the first to earn points from me if I had more to give.

Why does the link to "The Only Thread That Matters" lead to this board?

>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(


Maybe Stu confuses things by always titling his replies with that?

Hope I'm not too late...  It's 3 a.m., last day of voting, my eyes hurt, my back hurts, my brain hurts.  But, we did finish moving into our new house.  Thank goodness that's over. :D
Thinking back, I should have skipped SOTM this time.  I did slack off a lot this month...  :-[

3 votes: #16 - You Put de Milk in de Coco(a) Puffs by Claude Prez
2 votes:  #5 - Confidential:  The Secrets of AmiRight by Kristof Robertson
1 vote:  #14 - Men Speak by EmiLoca

Maybe Stu confuses things by always titling his replies with that?


sorry karen - it somehow got in my password manager, but I've deleted it, so hopefully that fixes the problem :)

3 pts:  JD #2
2 pts:  Chris #15
1 pt:  Stu #10

3 points for Emi #14
2 points g=for philbo  # 17
1 point for Paul #8

another stpuendous round everyone!

Sorry, but this week's homework load is, like, a three pound dump.  I'll get around to commenting on them all by tomorrow night, but as I have read each parody at least twice now, I think it's voting time.

3 points to the Ralphing Brat's blemishes,
2 2 2nz 4 his 12,
and 1 point for Rick D and his...one point.

Claude, you figure out what numbers they are and stuff.  Right now, I need to chart at least 1000 branches of the Amazon and lick dry my Red Bull.

I had a very hard time making my mind up, but the deadline is here, so...

3 points - #17 -  Dihydrogen Monoxide by Phil Alexander

2 points -  #3 - Twelve Days of Finals by 2nz

1 point – #2 - Grope of Schwarzenegger by Johnny D

Well done, everybody else.

Rushes up at the last minute, out of breath...

3 pts. to Emi's "Men Speak"

2 pts. to 2nz's "12 Days of Finals"

1 pt. to Kristof's "Confidential"

Whoa; exciting finish. 

First Place:  "Men Speak" by EmiLoca -- 22 points

Second Place:  "Grope of Schwarzeneggar" by Johnny D -- 21 points

Third Place:  "You Put de Milk in de Cocoa Puffs" by Claude Prez -- 15 points

Congratulations to all; gotta try me some of that Red Bull.




2nz  13
Kristof 11
Spaff 11
Phil 7
Rick 7
Ethan 6
Brit 5
Chris 5
Luke 5
Agrimorfee 4
Jeff Reuben 4
Merry and Pippin 4
Paul 4
Arwen 2
Dusty 1
k1chyd 1
martha 1
Stu 1

Whoa; exciting finish. 

First Place:  "Men Speak" by EmiLoca -- 22 points

Second Place:  "Grope of Schwarzeneggar" by Johnny D -- 21 points

Third Place:  "You Put de Milk in de Cocoa Puffs" by Claude Prez -- 15 points

Congratulations to all; gotta try me some of that Red Bull.




2nz  13
Kristof 11
Spaff 11
Phil 7
Rick 7
Ethan 6
Brit 5
Chris 5
Luke 5
Agrimorfee 4
Jeff Reuben 4
Merry and Pippin 4
Paul 4
Arwen 2
Dusty 1
k1chyd 1
martha 1
Stu 1



Congratulations, Emi and Claude! 

And many thanks to everybody who voted for The Gropenator!  ;D

This SOTM second-place/Silver Medal finish is a new "SOTM Personal Best" for yours truly --- up until now, my best finish in a Song Of The Month contest was my third-place/Bronze Medal finish in the July 2004 SOTM contest with "American Pride", my patriotic parody of Don McLean's "American Pie".

Thanks again, everybody!  ;D

Johnny D

P.S. --- I hope to have the medals posted sometime this week or this coming weekend.  :)

Congratulations Emi, Johnny D, and Claude.  And thanks to Claude for facilitating and to Johnny D for the medals.  And, Claude, you don't appear to be too upset that young Luke is usurping your power for the January SOTM contest.

I echo the congratulations to Emi, JD and Claude.  And also to Agrimorfee, M&P, and Paul for our hotly contested battle for 13th place!

Whoa. *double-take* Major gaspage.  This was a close one.  Personally, I think this calls for a re-count.  ::)

In any case, congratulations to Mr. D and Mr. Prez.  Thanks also to Prezzie for making the 2004 SOTMs such a success and putting up with our whinings.  More thanks to all the absolute FOOLS who voted for me...I thoroughly appreciate your stupidity.  I never DREAMED this day would come!  ;D

  And, Claude, you don't appear to be too upset that young Luke is usurping your power for the January SOTM contest.

Come to the dark side Luke

Come to the dark side Luke


You'll NEVER turn Obi-Wan Brattoni to the dark side.  Maybe to the dork side, though ...  ;)  ;D

Congrats Emi! Yours was sorta the "the-reasons-why-women-don´t-need-men antidote" that "counterbalanced" 2nz previous winner "the reasons why women need men" so the year of 2004 ended in perfect balance, one could say.

And on another note: Over 20 songs had votes going their way this time, must be a record of some sort though it might be very hard right now for those few that didn´t... :-\\

Though maybe, with 5 votes to spread, everyone would have scored in this round...

You know that wearing a big medal around your neck can give you back problems, right? And I've heard heavy medal gives you a headache. Little fourth place humor there.

Congratulations Emi, JD and Claude. Well Played.

Hey, I've a crazy idea. Anyone else want to take a month off from SOTM? Luke posted January already and we still gotta have the 'Bragging Rights' Song of the Year tourney, so this month is out. But what if we hold off on the Feb '05 tourney and just take a rest in March? We could double up the Feb '05 tourney with another month later like we did several times this year. Just throwing it out there.

Great month everyone. See you in the finals.


Congrats Emi! Yours was sorta the "the-reasons-why-women-don´t-need-men antidote" that "counterbalanced" 2nz previous winner "the reasons why women need men" so the year of 2004 ended in perfect balance, one could say.


heh heh, and all was right with the world.


And on another note: Over 20 songs had votes going their way this time, must be a record of some sort though it might be very hard right now for those few that didn´t... :-\\

Though maybe, with 5 votes to spread, everyone would have scored in this round...



It's the fault of a genuinely flawed system. "Hey guys, I have a great idea: Let's compare creatively independant works and decide which are 'best'. And even better: Let's assign original, creative works a number value between 1 and 5. Yeah, that's a great idea...". But that flawed system gives us authors exposure to both the fans and the critics of our work (and tournaments are designed to further that exposure, which is why the 'SOTY' tourney will be kinda silly when you think about it). The system gives us a way to create and relate through that creation, which makes the system fine with me.

And on another note: Over 20 songs had votes going their way this time, must be a record of some sort though it might be very hard right now for those few that didn´t... :-\\



one of whom should have been me, if it weren't for Jeff's kindness  ;)

big congrats to Emi - although there was only 1 vote in it, she seemed to be in nearly everyone's 3, and Johnny, and Claude

I think the 5-4-3-2-1 will be great - its only problem being that a truly standout entry won't get the truckload of 3s that will bolt it past anything else's reach, but when judging creativity maybe that shouldn't happen anyway

well done Emi ... another triumph ... lets hear it for the amiright girls!!

Congrats, all!

EmiRight: Haven't you won every month you've entered? We should all thank our lucky stars that you're usually busy with, like, school 'n' boyz 'n' dance recitals 'n' stuff.

Johnny DD: Dude, if you keep on cranking out work like this, you're definitely going to need a sabbatical soon.

Claude Prez: Hmm...I haven't really noticed your stuff before. I'll have to check some of it out.

xoxox
Spaff

Congrats Emi, Johnny D and Claude!
*party horn, confetti, strippers*
You see my avatar? You see my avatar over there? YEAH. I'm associated with greatness.


Come to the dark side Luke


Oh sure, laugh now. But this is only the beginning!

For you see, it already reaches about 5.30pm here before turning midnight over in your neck of the woods, giving me a justified reason to pounce on the role of host for every new monthly competition HOURS before it's actually the 1st of the month!

Soon I will twist your rules one by one, so slightly that people barely notice that their entries must include the word 'thorax' and contain atleast two mentions of Brian Boitano. Whatcha gunnna do? Fly over into the middle of the pacific islands just to get to midnight first? Not if you would rather avoid a visit from my Room of Rabid Flying Monkeys! Soon I will rule the very creativity of parody input!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!


...but seriously, what do you think of a double-up competition, where people have to team up for a randomly selected song, thus halving the amount of entries having to be read?

Congrats to Emi, JD, and Claudette.
Emi...didn't you like post ONE parody in December? Sheesh, it's gotta be hard being that talented. :D
JD: How do you say "classic" in German? ;)
Claudette: Thanks to you, I've gone back to high sugar breakfast cereals. Bastard ;D

I forgot to say...getting a 5th placing in such esteemed company feels like such an achievement. I honestly believe we have some of the best parodists in the world congregating on this site, and I'm proud to be part of it.....

For you see, it already reaches about 5.30pm here before turning midnight over in your neck of the woods, giving me a justified reason to pounce on the role of host for every new monthly competition HOURS before it's actually the 1st of the month!


"Don´t worry about the world coming to an end today. It´s already tomorrow in Australia."
CHARLES SCHULTZ

Hey, I've a crazy idea. Anyone else want to take a month off from SOTM? Luke posted January already and we still gotta have the 'Bragging Rights' Song of the Year tourney, so this month is out. But what if we hold off on the Feb '05 tourney and just take a rest in March? We could double up the Feb '05 tourney with another month later like we did several times this year. Just throwing it out there.

Ooh, that would give me the opportunity to run the spectacular "Songs About Poop" Tournament I've been planning.  No, seriously, if we're gonna do it anyway I'm not sure what the point of waiting a month is but if people want to that's fine by me.


It's the fault of a genuinely flawed system. "Hey guys, I have a great idea: Let's compare creatively independant works and decide which are 'best'. And even better: Let's assign original, creative works a number value between 1 and 5. Yeah, that's a great idea...". But that flawed system gives us authors exposure to both the fans and the critics of our work (and tournaments are designed to further that exposure, which is why the 'SOTY' tourney will be kinda silly when you think about it).

I'm glad you brought this up because I hadn't even thought about it that way.  On the one hand, I'm very curious to see how the voting will end up.  It may be silly, but I'm still interested to see which ones have the most appeal to the most people.

On the other hand, just seeing all the titles as I posted the voting thread, I have no idea how on earth I'm going to be able to choose, so it's quite possible that this particular contest is a case of taking a good thing a bit too far.  If anyone else thinks so, let me know and maybe we'll just scrap it.  Or change the format completely and turn it into another bracket-style tournament (which I swore I'd never do again but I think I've figured out how to make it work).  Anyway, thanks for the input and by the way congratulations Emi and Johnny and thanks everyone who voted for me as well.

Claude Prez: Hmm...I haven't really noticed your stuff before. I'll have to check some of it out.

Most of them are under my fake name "malcolm higgins".  Start at the top and work your way down, let me know when you're done.