I've been trying to write a parody about inane song lyrics, and it got me thinking:

Not every songwriter is a great lyricist (well d'uh, Kristof!). For every Bob Dylan, you've got quite a few Bryan Adams's. Inane lyrics don't necessarily bother me...if the tune's catchy, I can overlook the lack of any lyrical substance. But every so often, a song comes along that is so lyrically annoying or infuriating that it makes me want to go "shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!". The current focus for my wrath is a song called "Mouthwash" by a 20yo cockney sparra called Kate Nash. Brace yourself....

This is my face
Covered in freckles
With the occasional spot
And some veins

This is my body
Covered in skin
And not all of it
You can see

And, this, is my mind
It goes over and over
The same old lines

And, this, is my brain
It's torturous analytical thoughts
Make me go insane

And I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I got a family
And I drink cups of tea

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright

This is my face
I've got a thousand opinions
And not the time to explain

And this is my body
And no matter how you try and disable it
Yes I'll still be here

And, this, is my mind
And although you try to infringe
You cannot confine

And, this, is my brain
And even if you try and hold me back
There's nothing that you can gain

'Cause I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I've got a family
And I drink cups of tea

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright
And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright
Oh oh oh oh oh oh:

Nnnggggggggarrrggggghhhh!!!!!! Obviously Miss Nash was trying to be so so clever by writing about her own ordinariness, but the whole package is just mind-numbingly trite and meaningless. WHO CARES WHETHER YOU SOMETIMES FLOSS???

Well, now that I've got that off my chest...tell me about a song that lyrically makes you want to rip your ears off.

wtf are nostalgic pavements?  :-\\

I always thought the Supergrass song Alright was pretty awful.  But they may have been ironic?

The thing reminds me of early Tori Amos, without the sexual-empowerment metaphors. ;)

Sometimes the music and the vocalist's performance overrides the inanity of the lyrics. I think this is no better exemplified than with Radiohead's "Everything In Its Right Place":
Everything, everything, everything, everything..
In its right place
In its right place
In its right place
In its right place

Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon
Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon
Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon
Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Everything, everything, everything..
In its right place
In its right place
In its right place
Right place

There are two colours in my head
There are two colours in my head
What, what is that you try to say?
What, what was that you tried to say?
*********************************************************
No song makes me cringe from its lyrics quite as much as Train's "Drops Of Jupiter":
Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey  :o

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo  :o
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land ???

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken  8-P
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me  :o 8-P ::)

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

UGH - Champagne Supernova by Oasis.  Besides not knowing what the hell that is,  he actually says:

Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball.

I have plenty of others that drive me nuts.  I'll have to think about it some more.

I always thought the Supergrass song Alright was pretty awful.  But they may have been ironic?


Post 'em, let's see what you are talkiing about.  ???

That looks pretty bad, Kristof. Kate seemed to be suffering glycol posioning from cheap, Chinese mouthwash when she penned those lyrics.

Writing parodies to lyrically-devoid-and-no-other-redeeming-quality songs is not easy, but it's possible: I've done it once or twice...  ;)

I nominate all the lyrics here as the worst I've ever had to work with. Yes, the entire album.

The 'highlights':

"Shoot Me Again"

Wake the sleeping giant,
Wake the beast
Wake the sleeping dog,
No, let him sleep
Wake the sleeping giant,
Wake the beast
Wake the sleeping dog,
No, let him sleep

~~~ Anyone have a rusty icepick with which I can clean my ears out?

The worst is from Dirty Window:

"Projector
Protector
Rejector
Infector
Projector
Rejector,
Infector,
Injector,
Defector,
Rejector"

~~~  A nearly fatal case of rhymitis.

Also, anything by Soulja Boy is automatically included. Just a small example:

"Soulja Boy Up In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank It watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat Hoe
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch meYuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)"

Repeat 600x and you have the whole song...

Soulja Boy is so awful that "It's A Small World" may not be the worst song ever anymore.  :o


Ant

wtf are nostalgic pavements?  :-\\

I always thought the Supergrass song Alright was pretty awful.  But they may have been ironic?

Post 'em, let's see what you are talkiing about.  ???


An edited version...

We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

We wake up, we go out
Smoke a fag, put it out
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

Are we like you?
I cant be sure
After seeing as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young
We get by
Cant go mad, aint got time
Sleep around if we like
But were all right

Got some cash, bought some wheels
Took it out, cross some fields
Lost control, hit a wall
But were alright

karen's right; they are pretty awful lyrics. BUT...why "alright" doesn't bug me half as much as "Mouthwash", is that Supergrass had their collective tongues firmly in cheek; while Kate Nash seems to be trying to make some kind of point. She will no doubt accuse critics of taking the lyrics too seriously...but if you attempt to be satirical, or clever, or controversial, or whatever...you better have the vocabulary and skill to pull it off.

Since my first posting, I've remembered another classic lyrical masterpiece: Morrisette's "Ironic". Whoooo baby, didn't that suck?  :D

That looks pretty bad, Kristof. Kate seemed to be suffering glycol posioning from cheap, Chinese mouthwash when she penned those lyrics.

Writing parodies to lyrically-devoid-and-no-other-redeeming-quality songs is not easy, but it's possible: I've done it once or twice...  ;)

I nominate all the lyrics here as the worst I've ever had to work with. Yes, the entire album.

The 'highlights':

"Shoot Me Again"

Wake the sleeping giant,
Wake the beast
Wake the sleeping dog,
No, let him sleep
Wake the sleeping giant,
Wake the beast
Wake the sleeping dog,
No, let him sleep

~~~ Anyone have a rusty icepick with which I can clean my ears out?

The worst is from Dirty Window:

"Projector
Protector
Rejector
Infector
Projector
Rejector,
Infector,
Injector,
Defector,
Rejector"

~~~  A nearly fatal case of rhymitis.

Also, anything by Soulja Boy is automatically included. Just a small example:

"Soulja Boy Up In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank It watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat Hoe
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch meYuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)"

Repeat 600x and you have the whole song...

Soulja Boy is so awful that "It's A Small World" may not be the worst song ever anymore.  :o


Ant


Karma for that post

Since my first posting, I've remembered another classic lyrical masterpiece: Morrisette's "Ironic". Whoooo baby, didn't that suck?  :D


That song rules! A song about irony that contained no valid examples of irony. Although I can't find it, there is a recorded parody called "Ebonic" of that song that came out shortly after the song hit the charts. It's a (forgotten) classic.

Not to mention there is probably no other song for which I've come up with more titles: romantic, demonic, retarded, (hooked) on phonics, pathetic... 'course, given that I've never written a parody to this song, despite a ton of workable titles, you probably have a point about the lyrical sucktitude this song has...


Karma for that post


Thanks, Dave!

Ant

An edited version...

We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

We wake up, we go out
Smoke a fag, put it out
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

Are we like you?
I cant be sure
After seeing as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young
We get by
Cant go mad, aint got time
Sleep around if we like
But were all right

Got some cash, bought some wheels
Took it out, cross some fields
Lost control, hit a wall
But were alright

karen's right; they are pretty awfu lyricsl.

They seem rather goofy, but it feels like it's being sarcastic...I could easily see Modest Mouse doing it a la "Float On"

Im thinkin Kate Nash's DENTIST asked her write that.

The one I've loathed for as long as I can remember is "Lost in Music" by Sister Sledge:


We're lost in music
Caught in a trap
No turnin' back
We're lost in music

We're lost in music
Feel so alive
I quit my 9 to 5
We're lost in music

repeat ad nauseam

I noticed when looking at the lyrics that it says "I quit my 9 to 5"... I've never noticed the "I quit" being sung, but it does make a bit more sense with it there.

I noticed when looking at the lyrics that it says "I quit my 9 to 5"... I've never noticed the "I quit" being sung, but it does make a bit more sense with it there.


Its perhaps because it's sung more like



We're lost in music
Feel so alive, I quit  (going quite high at the end)
my 9 to 5
We're lost in music

"MacArthur Park" as sung by Richard Harris, lyrics by Jimmy Webb.

Fun facts: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacArthur_Park_(song)

Here are the lyrics:

( from www.lyricsdepot.com/richard-harris/macarthur-park.html )

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance

Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

CHORUS
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...

Someone left the cake out in the rain

I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees

The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees

CHORUS
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...

Someone left the cake out in the rain

I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one.

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I'll be thinking of you
And wondering why.

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE -- Chicago, or even "Classical Gas" by Mason Williams)

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...

Someone left the cake out in the rain

I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

Oh, no

No, no

Oh NO!! (upon which Harris suffers an irreversible gender change)

Also, anything by Soulja Boy is automatically included. Just a small example:

"Soulja Boy Up In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank It watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat Hoe
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch meYuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuaaaaaaaa
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)"

Repeat 600x and you have the whole song...

Soulja Boy is so awful that "It's A Small World" may not be the worst song ever anymore.  :o


Ant



Sometimes superman is replaced with supersoak or robocop. Understandable, those words being basically the same thing.

It's terrible, and it's everywhere. Probably offensive too if anyone could actually understand it.

It IS offensive. Soulja Boy is just...unmusic.

As for me, well, Spaff's already done this song, but these have to be some of the worst lyrics ever:

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out, yeah

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out, yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

(Time, truth and hearts)

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out, yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down, yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You're gonna bring yourself down, yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
(Time, truth and hearts)
If you can hold on
If you can hold on

"All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers. BLUCK.  8-P It's that "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier" that puts it over the top in terms of badness in my mind, but the other lyrics are surprisingly just below it in the realm of lyrical atrocity. "I need direction to perfection?" Yuck.

Also, I can't bring myself to post entire lyrics to them, but pretty much anything on modern mainstream country radio. "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" and "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" spring immediately to mind.

Also, I can't bring myself to post entire lyrics to them, but pretty much anything on modern mainstream country radio. "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" and "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" spring immediately to mind.


One I heard a while ago made me laugh out loud.

I've seen CNN, but I still don't know the difference between Iraq and Iran (which he pronounces Eye-rack and Eye-ran)

An edited version...

We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

We wake up, we go out
Smoke a fag, put it out
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

Are we like you?
I cant be sure
After seeing as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young
We get by
Cant go mad, aint got time
Sleep around if we like
But were all right

Got some cash, bought some wheels
Took it out, cross some fields
Lost control, hit a wall
But were alright

karen's right; they are pretty awful lyrics. BUT...why "alright" doesn't bug me half as much as "Mouthwash", is that Supergrass had their collective tongues firmly in cheek; while Kate Nash seems to be trying to make some kind of point. She will no doubt accuse critics of taking the lyrics too seriously...but if you attempt to be satirical, or clever, or controversial, or whatever...you better have the vocabulary and skill to pull it off.

Since my first posting, I've remembered another classic lyrical masterpiece: Morrisette's "Ironic". Whoooo baby, didn't that suck?  :D


I'm totally with you on the Kate Nash thing, Kristof - she annoys the hell out of me. And what is going on with that "Sing-ing Cockernee" accent anyway - I heard her in a radio interview and she doesn't talk anything like that! Is she trying to be Lily Allen or something?  ???

And yes, 'Ironic' DID suck. Perhaps it was because she was trying very hard not to attack anyone personally in that one  ;D

REM used to drive me nuts with their "Ooooh, aren't we surreal and arty?"-type lyrics. 'The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite' is bad enough, but I think this one just pips it for the 'most utterly nonsensical line in an REM song' award. As Rolf might say.. "Can ya tell where it is yet?"  :)

I´ve watched the stars fall silent from your eyes
All the sights that I have seen
I can´t believe that I believed I wished
That you could see
There´s a new planet in the solar system
There is nothing up my sleeve

I´m pushing an elephant up the stairs  (Whaaaaaaat???)
I´m tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground

In all this talk of time
Talk is fine
But I don´t want to stay around
Why can´t we pantomime, just close our eyes
And sleep sweet dreams
Me and you with wings on our feet

I´m pushing an elephant up the stairs     
I´m tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground

I´m breaking through
I´m bending spoons
I´m keeping flowers in full bloom
I´m looking for answers from the great beyond

I want the hummingbirds, the dancing bears
Sweetest dreams of you
I Look into the stars
I Look into the moon

I´m pushing an elephant up the stairs
I´m tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground

I´m breaking through
I´m bending spoons
I´m keeping flowers in full bloom
I´m looking for answers from the great beyond...

And then that last verse gets repeated.... about ninety billion times. As if the once wasn't QUITE enough... !