By now, I guess most of the regulars here know about the "I Won't Kiss @ss" parody from last Thursday, and that it was a thinly disguised attack on my tribute to AFW, alvin rhodes, and John Barry, and the resulting brouhaha. Agrimorfee has denied it for the record, so I'm takin' him at his word.

I would also like to state something for the record, which is in response to the preface, or "Top Comments", preceding the actual parody. Let me paste it in here:

"This is my response to all the ass kissing and sucking up parodies I've seen lately. Well, whatever floats you guys' boat. I'd rather get 5's and nice comments the old fashioned way...earning them, not sucking up and telling other writers how wonderful they are. Sickening."

The author, whomever he/she may be, is obviously not a friend of mine, or in the 'know', because, as everyone here who comments and votes on my parodies ALREADY knows, I get my ratings and comments the NEW FASHIONED way, which is:

I BUY THEM, WITH COLD HARD CASH

Here is the pay scale, for those of you tired of reading e-mails for profit:

1-1-1 =  $0.01
2-2-2 =  $0.02
3-3-3 =  $0.03
4-4-4 =  $0.04
5-5-5 =  $0.05

(Note to future Earners: 1st ten people to respond to this offer receive a special sign up bonus. PM me for details)

I have been asked by several of my 'fans', "Dee, what about a combination vote, like a 4-1-2, or a 5-1-1?" "Do we get paid by the highest #, or the lowest #?"

(Unfortunately, my dog ate my slide rule, and I haven't been able to figure the algorithm for this out yet. Just stick to the 5-5-5 plan for now, please)

Sure, I could sit here for 3 days and crank out a masterpiece like the Anonymous Parodists' classic "I Won't Kiss @ss"....after it all, it has Twelve 5-5-5 votes, and despite a curious lack of favorable comments supporting these votes, still must be considered one of the best on the site. (If this was just an oversight, (the 'not leaving your name under the parody thing'), feel free to respond here with your name. Wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea about your idea concerning the voting process.)

(Someone once told me it was due to cookie cleaning, but I'm usually way too hungry to wash them before I gulp them down)

But I have found, with my inventive pay scale, I can get more done by just writing my usual drivel and relying on my paid associates to boost my average, plus I get less of the 1-1-1 and more of the fives, due to several amirighters having taken the advanced math classes that i
wish I had taken.

And I want to thank my loyal voters for their patience in receiving the money owed them.

As I have explained,(REPEATEDLY) the money from the thousand  or so lotteries I won last year has been a little slow in coming. It just takes time, writing down all those long numbers on my bank account so the lottery people can deposit my winnings, and of course the mail to the UK is notoriously slow. So just be patient, people. If there is any more undue delay, I will just take a loan out against my share of the Nigerian fortune that I'm currently helping some poor General's widow sneak out of her troubled country.

And before I go, a plea to AFW, Alvin, and John? Could you 3 please send me the money promised for the tribute? If that was a bogus offer, I plan to expose you three for the parody hacks you really are ;), despite the 3,655 parodies you now have under your belt collectively. Believe me, Spaff paid up quickly after I threatened him with exposure for the two bogus tributes I wrote about him. ;)

That's it for THE DAILY MUSE

Because:

It's time I faced the music over at JibJab, where 49,000 angry >:( viewers are not quite so understanding about the late payments. Wish me luck ;)

Dee, Dee, Dee....

YOU SAP! Cash for ratings is SO 2006... if you really want to become a bona fide Amiright legend, there's only one way to go about it: that's right....VIOLENCE AND INTIMIDATION!

How the hell do you think I won Parody Author Of The Year last year? Talent? Pull the other one.

* Stu McArthur is presently writing parodies while chained to a chair in a ditch somewhere in central Victoria. I don't know how he's managing to post them, but when I find out....

* Spaff's absence from SOTM in 2006 may seem innocent enough, but if the FBI turn up at your door asking questions about me, YOU KNOW NOTHIN'!

* Claude Prez...remember Claude?.....apparently is enjoying his "vacation" in Siberia: he's learnt a few Russian phrases and now quite enjoys the taste of yak.

* The National Enquirer article, "'Rick Cormier Is Carrying My Three-Legged Lovechild' Says Alien Courtney Love Clone" should be published next week

Now, Dee: let's talk about you. Them's some mighty fine parodies you've been writing lately: what was your home address again?

:D :D :D :D :D

Dee Range....you have written what is hopefully the final word on this entire matter with great humor and panache. Along the way, I now apologize to you for telling you to "get the hell  off your high horse." I realize now I shouldn't have added that, but as you can imagine, I was in a very pissed off mood and wanted to vent. (you gotta admit, there are a lot of worse things I could have done!). "Sam Spade" and friends, obviously, really have no clue who you, or me, or any of the other veterans who participate here regularly REALLY are. Up their noses with rubber hoses, i say.  8)

Karma points for you on your sporting attitude, and let us all let bygones be bygones.

And, hey anyone else, this is not kissing A$$...this is an attempt to be a decent human being.

Dee, Dee, Dee....

YOU SAP! Cash for ratings is SO 2006... if you really want to become a bona fide Amiright legend, there's only one way to go about it: that's right....VIOLENCE AND INTIMIDATION!




Being adorable works for me. 

Anymore, I don't even write parodies...I just type ridiculous and non-sensical words into the submission box, and then, once it's posted, I just bat my eyelashes at passers-by...tell Mr. Pacholek how big his muscles are looking...blow kisses at all the newbies...and WHAM!  It's triple 5s all the way...

Dee, Dee, Dee....

YOU SAP! Cash for ratings is SO 2006... if you really want to become a bona fide Amiright legend, there's only one way to go about it: that's right....VIOLENCE AND INTIMIDATION!

How the hell do you think I won Parody Author Of The Year last year? Talent? Pull the other one.

* Stu McArthur is presently writing parodies while chained to a chair in a ditch somewhere in central Victoria. I don't know how he's managing to post them, but when I find out....

* Spaff's absence from SOTM in 2006 may seem innocent enough, but if the FBI turn up at your door asking questions about me, YOU KNOW NOTHIN'!

* Claude Prez...remember Claude?.....apparently is enjoying his "vacation" in Siberia: he's learnt a few Russian phrases and now quite enjoys the taste of yak.

* The National Enquirer article, "'Rick Cormier Is Carrying My Three-Legged Lovechild' Says Alien Courtney Love Clone" should be published next week

Now, Dee: let's talk about you. Them's some mighty fine parodies you've been writing lately: what was your home address again?

:D :D :D :D :D




Hey Kristof (Atilla The Hun) Kristof.

Sorry about the delay in responding...i HAVE had, interestingly enough,just finished a three hour visit from the FBI concerning the whereabouts of one Spaff.com.

I told them I knew NOTHINK! NOTHINK!  ;) ;)

Poor Stu, Claude, and Rick. Amazing coincidences, that's all. I'm sure they miraculously turn up after the coming PAOTY voting concludes.
I guess the "Violence And Intimidation" strategy you are currently employing to great personal benefit just didn't work for me.

If you remember, I tried it myself in 2005 with the biting, scathing, no-holds barred
Diatribe against you and Spaff. Have you forgotten this collaborative effort from me and Stu from 2005?:

"Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" Based on the performance by Roger Miller

"(Bleep You) Spafford, (Bleep You) Kristof" Parody by DeeRanged McArthur



(Bleep you) Spafford... (Bleep you) Kristof
You two bass turds...get me pissed off
Songs are just too...freakin' funny
If you'd teach me how to write I'd give you money

I just signed up...for that contest
I had hopes for...what was my best
Then I saw what...you both entered
And I laughed so hard I just upchucked my dinner

I was wishin'...I wore waders
As I heaved up...mashed potaters
And I feel bad...for my sister
If she'd moved a little faster I'd have missed her

Now your writing...I can't top it
I come up short...like John Bobbit
I might strike if...you're not guarding
'Cause I know the guys who work for Tonya Harding

You...must...have...
a team of writers
and...a...pack...
of pink highlighters
which...you...use..
to pick the eyes out
of...the...gags that they provide
Please...send...four...
in my direction
to...re...ward...
this genuflection
else...you'll...feel...
my predilection
to...give...1s just out of spite

Are you fathers?...Are you brothers?
All I know is...you're both mothers
That's the first name...that I call you
If I ever said the last it would apall you

In a minute..I'll stop wailing
I'll stop ranting...I'll stop railing
I am reading...someone's letter
Spaff and Kristof, even Weird Al says you're better
...................................
Amazingly, this hate and vitriol filled strategy backfired on us, as you and Spaff, despite severe shortcomings as parody writers ;) , somehow won the last 2 PAOTY contests. :\'( ;)

Days and days of analysis as to why this didn't put voters off you two scoundrels led to many re-readings of the hate-filled rant Stu and I concocted. After  much head scratching, it turns out the answer was unwittingly right in front of me (in my own words, no less!), and became  the strategy I now employ:

It is, of course, hidden in plain sight: the fourth line, which reads:

"If you'd teach me how to write I'd give you money"....

*(Amended slightly to best describe my strategy today of "If you'd just give me some fives I'd give you money")

So now, after years of wondering how to worm my way into my fellow writers good graces, I JUST PAY CASH!!!

You may think your "Violence and Intimidation" strategy is effective, buster, but it doesn't scare me off!!

By the way, send your letters for me to:

Warehouse Of WMD's
Somewhere in Iraq
Middle East
555%#

I'm easy to find :-X

:D :D :D :D :D

"In God we trust, all others pay cash."--Jean Shepherd.  ;)

Being adorable works for me. 

Anymore, I don't even write parodies...I just type ridiculous and non-sensical words into the submission box, and then, once it's posted, I just bat my eyelashes at passers-by...tell Mr. Pacholek how big his muscles are looking...blow kisses at all the newbies...and WHAM!  It's triple 5s all the way...


Ah HA!! Now I see how YOU do it, Arwen! Because of all the stupidity expressed by the "Anonymous Parodist" in the comments, His scathing criticism of your work was the ONE KERNAL OF TRUTH!! ;) ;)( Forget all those comments I made praising your parodies...you know that I, along with the other 15-50 guys and girls who heaped lavish praise and the 5-5-5's on your parodies were obviously just 'sucking up')

But seeing how all your success was some eyelash-batting illusion...(And after the judge slapped that restraining order on me to keep 500 miles away from you), I take it all back ;)

By the way, despite my modicum of success with my JUST PAY CASH! strategy, I have decided to amend my own strategy to include your strategy, Arwen. I have just booked an appointment at the Johns Hopkins clinic for sex reassignment, and all my parodies from now on will be under the byline:

DeeDee Double D's Range ;D

Of course, I STILL PAY CASH, also!! ;D

If this doesn't do it, nothing will!

;D :D ;)

Dee Range....you have written what is hopefully the final word on this entire matter with great humor and panache. Along the way, I now apologize to you for telling you to "get the hell  off your high horse." I realize now I shouldn't have added that, but as you can imagine, I was in a very pissed off mood and wanted to vent. (you gotta admit, there are a lot of worse things I could have done!). "Sam Spade" and friends, obviously, really have no clue who you, or me, or any of the other veterans who participate here regularly REALLY are. Up their noses with rubber hoses, i say.  8)

Karma points for you on your sporting attitude, and let us all let bygones be bygones.

And, hey anyone else, this is not kissing A$$...this is an attempt to be a decent human being.


I was amazed to see, above, where you say you told me to "Get the hell of my high horse" I didn't see it then, and don't see it now, in the comments under Adagio's parody. Here are the comments, pasted verbatim now: Was your "Get the hell off your high horse" comment deleted, or is it somewhere else?

Here are the comments:

Agrimorfee - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Adagio, long time no see! I'm a little surprised at seeing so many of the OS words still being used in your work here. And usually I can "get" your drift of thought, but it didn't happen this time for me. Don't go away so long!

alvin - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
you put the moody in moody blues...love the poem

Dee Range - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm with alvin, Adagio. Nice work.

Agrimorphee: I seldom read your work, but after reading your comment here, I took a peak at your entry today. I find your comment about OS words quite puzzling, because I found 18 instances of repeating OS song words in YOUR post, and only 5 or 6 in Adagios, which, on the face of it, is quite hypocritical. Use of original song words is quite common in the right instance, and very often hilarious when used , for instance, with different meaning or intent than the usage in the OS. So there is nothing inherently wrong with it, There is absolutely nothing wrong in Adagio's parody concerning excessive use of OS words, IMO. I would think , if anything, your entry would be the one to look at in that regard.

Adagio - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Well, thank you Dee! I didn't think I used that many OS words, but yea...unless someone is really blatant about using a lot, they may be appropriate and very funny. Thanks again. Thanks alvin! Thanks agri.

John Barry - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm with Alvin and Dee.

Adagio - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks John!

Agrimorfee - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
It's a subjective thing...Dee, to my mind, there was very little change in the actual meaning of the tune to really give the parody a different (and comprehensible) meaning. I usually see Adagio's work with complete makeovers of the words, so this really surprised me. Which parody of mine are you referring to?

Adagio, you know I pull very few punches, but I still like your work, overall, I hope you know that. Peace.

Adagio - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Agri., I deliberately avoided the same meaning, simply because I had something to say of my own, not their meaning. Don't take it badly that you didn't get the drift...I'm kind of glad that you didn't. In my eyes, it was one of my most transparant ones, so it is nice when somebody doesn't get it. In such cases, I usually tell people to attach their own meaning to it...something that they identify with. Oh, might I say...some welcome after being gone...been saving it up? j/k

Dee Range - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee: Your entry today, as my first post indicates....Sh-boom. You have 3x the usage of OS words as Adagio (you used 18, she had 6, I think), which is why I was, and still am, puzzled at your comment.

And your second post confuses me further. In your first comment to Adagio, you say:

"I'm a little surprised at seeing so many of the OS words still being used in your work here"

But in your second comment to Adagio you say:

"I usually see Adagio's work with complete makeovers of the words, so this really surprised me. "

I don't see how you can be "surprised at seeing so many of the OS words STILL being used" when you "usually see Adagio's work with complete makeovers of the words".

I guess I'm just easily confused :-)

AFW - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
I thought it was great poetry, Adagio..

stuart mcarthur - June 14, 2007 - Report this comment
I always attach my meaning adagio, as you know, and I'm making the blue box what it was in Mulholland Drive, my favourite movie, which was very very spooky indeed! - 555

Adagio - June 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks AFW, thanks stu....sounds spooky!!

Red Ant - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
This makes perfect sense with the last few messages you sent me, Pat. Without that knowledge, it would be vague, as you intended, and pulled off. Loved the line "Moth turned to a butterfly when done". 555

Adagio - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, jack. : )

..................................
Now, nowhere do I see a comment you made about  me "being on my high horse"

Was it deleted?

Am I blind?

Or is this a comment You WISH you had made, like George Costanza in a funny Seinfeld episode.?

Or is it you giving me a dig here?

Because my "HIGH HORSE" would defend even you, had Adagio been the one to make an unjustified and untrue comment about YOUR work, which of course, she has much better sense than to do.

Damn! All the good strategies are taken.

Damn! All the good strategies are taken.


Hang in there, Rex...I have my paid lackeys hard at work to come up with a top notch strategy for you. Of course, I'm going to have pass the cost of their sweat on to you.

They're not cheap... but they CAN be had! ;)

:D :D :D

Damn! All the good strategies are taken.


O.K Rex, here is the strategy emanating from my lackeys' sweatshop:

It involves a little subterfuge ;)

The "Anonymous Parodist" has Twelve 5-5-5 votes under his entry, so apparently he has a large 'paid lackey' entourage of his own.

So, if you just start submitting under "The Anonymous Rexodist" they will, in their rush to support his fantastic work,  undoubtedly overlook the slight difference in the surname, and a deluge of 5-5-5's will come rolling in!! :D

My lackeys are so sure this is a new and winning strategy they are offering an almost ironclad guarantee of 5's, or your money back*

*(Unless you are white, red, brown, yellow, or black and blue. Offer not good in Continental United States, Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, and certain other places on the planet earth. Offer good for 30 minutes after we cash your check, which is due before you actually implement this strategy).

Now how is that? ;) ;) ;)

:D :D :D

Hang in there, Rex...I have my paid lackeys hard at work to come up with a top notch strategy for you.


You have lackeys? Man, some guys have EVERYthing!

You have lackeys? Man, some guys have EVERYthing!


Well, Rex, I have every thing that matters, except health, wealth, and enough Krispy Kremes. ;) My 'lackeys' is almost cleared up ;D

(And I hope you know the playful scenario above was all in fun....no way was I implying anything. I just realized my attempt at humor could be misconstrued, and just wanted to clear it up it it was taken the wrong way)

:) :) :)

* The National Enquirer article, "'Rick Cormier Is Carrying My Three-Legged Lovechild' Says Alien Courtney Love Clone" should be published next week

Correction, Kristof: The National Enquirer article is titled "Rick Cormier IS a Three-Legged Lovechild!"

Correction, Kristof: The National Enquirer article is titled "Rick Cormier IS a Three-Legged Lovechild!"

Now THAT's Funny :) :D I guess we gotta call you "TRIPOD" now. huh?

I was amazed to see, above, where you say you told me to "Get the hell of my high horse" I didn't see it then, and don't see it now, in the comments under Adagio's parody. Now, nowhere do I see a comment you made about  me "being on my high horse"

Was it deleted?

Am I blind?

Or is this a comment You WISH you had made, like George Costanza in a funny Seinfeld episode.?

Or is it you giving me a dig here?

Because my "HIGH HORSE" would defend even you, had Adagio been the one to make an unjustified and untrue comment about YOUR work, which of course, she has much better sense than to do.


OK then. Here's my second Comment post at the I Wont Kiss Ass page:
Agrimorfee - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know what the hell is going on here with you people. I have only contributed 2 parodies here not under my own name, and this is not one of them. I have NEVER had any problems with people writing tribute parodies. How dare you Sam Spade, whoever you are, accuse me of writing something that I DID NOT, and also being testicularly-deficient to make this accusation UNDER A PSEUDONYM. On another subject, which had nothing at all to do with this parody as far as I can tell...Dee Range, you need to get the hell off your high horse, Adagio can fight her own battles..

Explanation: another jerkass anonynous poster added more commentary accusing me of writing the parody, and calling into question my talents and why I made a big deal about Adagio using a number of the OS words (as you reprinted above). That particular post, oddly has been removed, but none of the others have. Coupled with your agreeable review of the "Shakespeare" song that somebody else wrote on that same page, I made the bad assumption that you were part of a cadre that was conspiring against me. Again, it was wrong of me to bitch and moan about something that really had nothing to do with the subject at hand, but I was still smarting from everything that was happening.

Let me bring it back again that I apologize for my action, and we should all be peaceful.

With all sincerity, Ag.

(And I hope you know the playful scenario above was all in fun....no way was I implying anything.


That's how I took it, as being all in fun.  :D Gotta run though -- there are a couple of burly guys in black suits at the door, saying Kristof sent them...

That's how I took it, as being all in fun.  :D Gotta run though -- there are a couple of burly guys in black suits at the door, saying Kristof sent them...


RUN, REX, RUN !!!  :D

(And I hope you know the playful scenario above was all in fun....no way was I implying anything. I just realized my attempt at humor could be misconstrued, and just wanted to clear it up it it was taken the wrong way)

:) :) :)


Anybody who misconstrues this as anything other than a bit of fun, SERIOUSLY needs to find another site to visit. It's a sad strange world we live in if you feel the need to explain, defend or justify this to anyone, Dee....

BTW, Have you seen Enemy Of The State with Will Smith? Running won't do you a lick of good, sunshine......mwahahahaha *cough* *wheeze*

http://futility.typepad.com/futility/images/000h7.jpg
;D ;D ;D