" I'm a Bum"

Here I come,
walking down the street
I'm a bum looking for something to eat

Hey, hey I'm a bum
people say I bum around



I don't know what else to say.

I don't know what else to say.

Please take some advice and say nothing.  Doesn't scan, and unless you have a good idea to fill the song, it'll not be worth reading.

Sorry, I don't mean to be overly negative, but as it stands it doesn't look too good.

" I'm a Bum"

Here I come,
walking down the street
I'm a bum looking for something to eat

Hey, hey I'm a bum
people say I bum around



I don't know what else to say.


that sucked big time!!!  It's not because I'm a Monkees fan either. :P

More importantly than just being negative or anything--bum doesn't fill the syllable count at all. . .When You write a parody take the words and break them into syllables first

"People Say I Monkey Around" is 5 words, but 5 words isn't what you go by. . .
"people say I bum around" is 5 words but it doesn't fit here's why. . .

Peo-ple Say I Mon-Key Ar-Ound is actually 8 syllables. . .
Peo-ple Say I Bum Ar-Ound is only 7 it wouldn't fit unless you held out Bum--Syllables aren't the most important thing--but when stressed like this, it just doesn't pace, and syllable count may be a good introductory learning tool to writing.

IE
People Say I Monkey Around (8 Syllables)
could be changed to
People Smell Me Ten Blocks Downtown (also 8 Syllables)

There are more words in my line as oppossed to the first line, but that's ok, it's about the Syllables and stressing--not the Word Count

Another Good Example would be trying to parody Californication
You could not possibly fit a parody using word count there, I mean it just wouldn't work.  . .
Cal-i-for-ni-ca-tion would be easier to parody as 6 syllables, not one word
Fill My Ob-ser-va-tion has 6 syllables, thus could be used instead even though it has 3 words, because it fits both by stress and syllables. . .

This works also in short versions with lots of words with one-two syllables. . .
IE
When two Be-come one  (5 syllables)
could become
I'm miss-era-ble now (5 Syllables)
This time, less words in the parody, but the syllable count still works--and again the stress was the same in both versions

Before you can write parodies, you have to start taking into consideration wether it sounds right when you try to sing them and using that as your measuring tool for the parody instead of the word count.

*braces for impact due to Stu's disdain of counting syllables*  ;)

You can have a line that is syllable (and word) correct, but still scans like s***.

Example:

CAL-i-FORN-ia-CA-tion
AER-I-al INT-er-COURSE

The first has the 1st, 3rd and 5th syllables stressed
The second has the 1st, 2nd, 4th and 6th syllables stessed

IOW, it's parody suicide to sub "Aerial Intercourse" for "Californiacation'"



Another Good Example would be trying to parody Californication
You could not possibly fit a parody using word count there, I mean it just wouldn't work.  . .
Cal-i-for-ni-ca-tion would be parodied as 6 syllables, not one word
Fill My Ob-ser-va-tion has 6 syllables, thus could be used instead even though it has 3 words. . .



You should see Phil Alexander's parody of that song; it matches word title word count as well as correctly emphasizing all 6 syllables (and it's pretty funny).

*braces for impact due to Stu's disdain of counting syllables*  ;)



Ha - yes I do clench my teeth whenever syllable-counting is mentioned, but NOT because it's unimportant - it's VERY important - but because it would come third in my list of critical pacing measuring-sticks

In order my 3 critical pacing measuring-sticks are

    1. line shape (or phrasing)
    2. correct syllable stress - as Red Ant said
    3. syllable counting 

eg. say the OS line is "He always yearned to be a basketball star"

That has 11 syllables, and anyone can count to 11, so just writing an 11-syllable line is lazy and will almost certainly result in incorrect pacing.

So (as Jack said) as well as achieving correct syllable-count you must also intuitively stress syllables 2, 4, 6, 8 and 11, which will give you adequate pacing.

But even after achieving that, you will still probably have incorrect line shape (or phrasing).
That's because you must also try to add less emphasis to the almost unemphasised 6th syllable "be" than to the 4th syllable "yearned". 
Also, the 4th syllable should be elongated, because it takes more airspace to say "yearned" than it it does to say "be"

I think of perfect pacing as when a line can metaphorically lie on top of the OS line without casting any shadow.

And THEN, after achieving perfect pacing, the line can still be improved by working on the following 2 aspects...

1. make it bulletproof - which means no matter what nationality or dialect or age of the person reading the line, they will all intuitively stress the line the way you intend it to be stressed - ie. it cannot conceivably be stressed any other way - ie. even Chandler from Friends would find himself stressing the line correctly. 

2. syllable-match (but only if you don't sacrifice meaning or humour by doing so) - where so many of the corresponding syllables between your and the OS's line rhyme that you almost think you're singing the OS, which makes it impossible not to pace properly


The only reason I get uppity about equal-syllable-count preaching (as Jack likes to remind me ;)) is that a line like "He always yearned to be a baseball star" has incorrect syllable-count to the above OS line but still casts less shadow than "He underemphasised a critical word" which has both correct syllable-count AND correct stressing.

That's because although the latter correctly stresses 2, 4, 6, 8 and 11, it doesn't pace well because the OS's syllable 4 "yearned" is a long drawn-out stressed syllable, whereas its replacement "emph" is intuitively a short quickly-stressed syllable.

On the other hand, although basketball and baseball have different syllable counts they take the same airspace to say, because "basket" is 2 quick syllables with one stress and "base" is one long syllable with one stress.

A better example can be found in Weird Al's line parody "Eat It"

OS line: You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can - 11 syllables
Weird Al's line: You won't get no dessert 'til you clean off your plate - 12 syllables

Weird Al's line has incorrect syllable-count, so should automatically be discarded according to syllable-count preachers. 
But because the 2-syllable "dessert" is intuitively pronounced "d'ssert" it maps over "tough" without leaving a shadow, and the line-shape is perfect because the syllable-bracketing (or phrasing) in both is 1234 - 5 - 678910 - 11

(phew - I was only going to write a quick paragraph :-\\)

I view syllable count as the first thing to use when learning to write parodies, when I first started that's what I did, as a starting point-which words to stress is hard. . .however I agree one hundred percent and the Weird Al example explains that perfectly. . .It's something that shows in my own parodies as time has gone on--syllable count isn't always identical anymore like it was when I first started-of which by the way none will ever be posted. . .they just weren't any good. . .my current parodies generally start out with me just listening to the song and singing along and using rhymes as my first step towards developing a parody. . .(IE Lazy for Crazy), I then start to see if I can take that to the rest of the song. . .I rarely take a song and just say "I'm going to parody this song" unless I'm asked to do so. . .but I remember back when I wrote my first parody, I used word count (I was 7) and I went to sing it and it would not fit. . .so I tried again using syllables, and it fit but it didn't feel right, I kept working on it until eventually it became alright. . .the parody was of Abba's Mama Mia. . .It became Pizzeria, which passed syllable count and stress points. . .I couldn't possibly try to redo that song now though. . .Anyhow . . .I think I'm up to late. . .I can't sleep tonight. . .too much on my mind. . .

I view syllable count as the first thing to use when learning to write parodies, when I first started that's what I did, as a starting point-which words to stress is hard. . .however I agree one hundred percent and the Weird Al example explains that perfectly. . .It's something that shows in my own parodies as time has gone on--syllable count isn't always identical anymore like it was when I first started-of which by the way none will ever be posted. . .they just weren't any good. . .my current parodies generally start out with me just listening to the song and singing along and using rhymes as my first step towards developing a parody. . .(IE Lazy for Crazy), I then start to see if I can take that to the rest of the song. . .I rarely take a song and just say "I'm going to parody this song" unless I'm asked to do so. . .but I remember back when I wrote my first parody, I used word count (I was 7) and I went to sing it and it would not fit. . .so I tried again using syllables, and it fit but it didn't feel right, I kept working on it until eventually it became alright. . .the parody was of Abba's Mama Mia. . .It became Pizzeria, which passed syllable count and stress points. . .I couldn't possibly try to redo that song now though. . .Anyhow . . .I think I'm up to late. . .I can't sleep tonight. . .too much on my mind. . .


me too, generally, on all of that, except that my first parody was to American Pie (an adjusted version of which I much later submitted to amiright just so I could cross AmPie of my Big7 list)

welcome aboard Karaokedavid - at 24 you'd be smack in the middle of the amiright demographic, a claim that sadly can't be said of me :(

I'll start checking our your stuff when things aren't so hectic
:)

Now that the subject of pacing has been covered extensively by my learned friends (thank you david, Jack and Stu)...lets turn our attention, Miss N, to content.

I admire you for posting here in order to get advice on writing (at least I think thats what your doing). Writing funny parodies takes commitment, time, and as much perspiration as inspiration

This is how I approach writing parodies (pens at the ready!)

1) I will start off with a good title and then develop the parody around it, or I'll come up with an idea and then try to find a song to match it. "I'm a Bum" won't catch many peoples attention..."Hey Hey, I'm A Vagrant!" may be more successful.

2) Start brainstorming: think of funny situations involving bums and write them down. Think of movies or TV shows that have featured bums, or stuff on the net that amused you. Write it all down!

3) work out how many verses and choruses in the original, and start building a story about your bum. As a rule, I try to make each verse tell a different part of the story, or have a different idea. This keeps people interested. I see each verse as (at least) one separate joke, with the punchline at the end.

4) start building your parody bit by bit. Keep re-writing until you get something that makes you smile. Use Rhymezone, Online Dictionaries, Thesauruses...whatever, to help you get the best words to represent your ideas.

5) Enjoy it!!!!

Good luck

You should see Phil Alexander's parody of that song; it matches word title word count as well as correctly emphasizing all 6 syllables (and it's pretty funny).
I've done that one?

...oh, I remember now - I'd forgotten Transvestitillation.  You're right, it is quite a good example of syllable/stress matching.  Thanks :)

how about

hey hey, i'ma bumming...
people say i'm bumming around...
but i'm too busy bumming...
to... well, i dunno.

still isn't very good, is it? :(