Elections are approaching in the UK (next week) and you know what? I'm sick to death of the current fools, liars, pimps, fatcats and sleazebags currently inhabiting the big parties. There's only one solution, and that's to form the Amiright party!
Of course I'm only looking for the best to run the country (Which country? Any country!!) so I'm inviting for people to apply for any position in the new government through the medium of parody.
If you want to be part of a new, exciting and infinitely strange political machine, post what position you're applying for on this thread, then write a parody outlining your policies, manifesto, bra size, favourite cereal etc. etc....and post on Tuesday, 3rd May
Viva La Revolucion!!

To be absolutely clear: post on Tuesday for Wednesdays new parodies!

Have to work on the policy, but I was thinking of Court Jester, or Secretary of the Posterior

Bra size:  AA
Favorite Cereal:  Cookie Crisp

Have to work on the policy, but I was thinking of Court Jester, or Secretary of the Posterior

Bra size:  AA
Favorite Cereal:  Cookie Crisp


Secretary of the Posterior sounds just neat, Jeff...go for it. As for myself, I'm applying to be Minister of Bird And Mammal Husbandry...
Bra Size 32 EEE
Favourite Cereal: Coco Pops

Minister For Capitalising On National Insecurities, for mine  (parody coming up)

I would like to run for "Divine Goddess of the Brave New World."  

Bra size:  Yeah...like I'm going to tell you AGAIN, KR... ;)
Favorite cereal:  Cinnamon Crunch Crispix
Platform:  Heels... :)

I want to be Vice President of the U.S.A.    To further prove my point that I'm the right person for this job,  instead of going to all the trouble of typing up a new and original application for the position, I'll just submit an old one I used when trying to worm my way onto another candidate's ticket.   You can read it on this thread (I think it's the third or fourth post down:)
http://espo2004.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000002

Amended to add:
Bra size:  Two letters shy of being a Kristof.
Favorite Cereal:  Whichever one the highest paying lobbyist tells me is my favorite.


It's good to know you can make me laugh without needing an OS in the background  ;D

Amended:
That site is great!

Platform:  Heels... :)


You knew I'd like that one

I want to be Vice President of the U.S.A. 



And your vices of choice would be...?

I want to be Vice President of the U.S.A.    To further prove my point that I'm the right person for this job,  instead of going to all the trouble of typing up a new and original application for the position, I'll just submit an old one I used when trying to worm my way onto another candidate's ticket.   You can read it on this thread (I think it's the third or fourth post down:)
http://espo2004.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000002


I'm just happy my parents have cultured a youngster like me enough to get the humor behind "Dan Rather, you ignorant slut". I'd vote MooRocca VP, and I'd vote Claude to be Prez (detailed here: http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/disney11.shtml ).

And right now I'm undecided. I'll either run for campaign manager of the Governator's 'Grope for Hope' campaign, or Secretary of The Fence.
Bra Size: Formerly only one letter shy of being a Kristof.
Favorite Cereal: 50% Milk, 55% Cap'n Crunch.

I would like to be appointed the Secretary of Offense. Then I would have legal power and governmental support to criticize everything I don't like ;D

Vices: I would have to give up all vices so no one could criticize me ( except criticizing my criticism ). Nevermind. Sounds too complicated.

Just don't vote. Then you can criticize whoever wins for whatever reason. If your one vote not cast causes a tie, then appoint yourself Excutioner of the State and start with yourself. :)

I hate elections and politics too.

EDIT: Oh, forgot the rules. I don't have a bra size or the ability to make any valid political arguments. I don't eat cereal, just chew my fingernails. PLATFORM: SOAPBOX. Wait a minute!! That means I am PERFECT for the job!!!!!

sarcasm off

Elections are approaching in the UK (next week) and you know what? I'm sick to death of the current fools, liars, pimps, fatcats and sleazebags currently inhabiting the big parties. There's only one solution, and that's to form the Amiright party!
Of course I'm only looking for the best to run the country (Which country? Any country!!) so I'm inviting for people to apply for any position in the new government through the medium of parody.
If you want to be part of a new, exciting and infinitely strange political machine, post what position you're applying for on this thread, then write a parody outlining your policies, manifesto, bra size, favourite cereal etc. etc....and post on Tuesday, 3rd May
Viva La Revolucion!!

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
The only position I will accept is "U.S. Secretary of Political Apathy".  If appointed I will to the best of my ability tell the major political parties of the U.S. what's wrong with the whole political process and why I could care less about their whining.  This, of course, would be accomplished through the medium of parody.

I will submit three personal works reflecting this position to this thread before the deadline.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I'd like to be John Prescott, only with more class: Two Bentleys, perhaps?

Maybe the Secretary for the State of the Interior (well, it always needs tidying, doesn't it?)...

I think the place we should be going is http://www.omrlp.com

Elections are approaching in the UK (next week) and you know what? I'm sick to death of the current fools, liars, pimps, fatcats and sleazebags currently inhabiting the big parties. There's only one solution, and that's to form the Amiright party!
Of course I'm only looking for the best to run the country (Which country? Any country!!) so I'm inviting for people to apply for any position in the new government through the medium of parody.
If you want to be part of a new, exciting and infinitely strange political machine, post what position you're applying for on this thread, then write a parody outlining your policies, manifesto, bra size, favourite cereal etc. etc....and post on Tuesday, 3rd May
Viva La Revolucion!!


I'd like to be Head of International Affairs...or just have one with Brattoni.

Anyway, I'll get to work on a parody.  For the record:

Bra Size: Bra? What bra?
Favorite Cereal: Dinosaur-Egg Oatmeal
Platform: 9 3/4
Policies: I plan to instate a worldwide dress code that will mandate the wearing and proper usage of the undergarment known as "manties".  Other policies involving trade, environmental conservation and other such crap will be addressed in an upcoming parody. 


Vote Loca for a Better Tomorrow, And An Even Better Yesterday!  Because you Voted For Her Yesterday, If It's Tomorrow!  And Tomorrow Is Better Than Yesterday! 

Elections are approaching in the UK (next week) and you know what? I'm sick to death of the current fools, liars, pimps, fatcats and sleazebags currently inhabiting the big parties. There's only one solution, and that's to form the Amiright party!
Of course I'm only looking for the best to run the country (Which country? Any country!!) so I'm inviting for people to apply for any position in the new government through the medium of parody.
If you want to be part of a new, exciting and infinitely strange political machine, post what position you're applying for on this thread, then write a parody outlining your policies, manifesto, bra size, favourite cereal etc. etc....and post on Tuesday, 3rd May
Viva La Revolucion!!

LOL! Movement seconded!


I'd like to be Head of International Affairs...or just have one with Brattoni.
MOVEMENT SECONDED.

I'll go and work on policies later. This biache is $2 for 6.5 minutes of net so I'll have to wrap this up and get back to you after I have descended The Rock tomorrow.
Bra Size: Ttoni
Favorite Cereal: First policy is abolishment of crappy US spellings to 'favourite' and 'caeiouraeioul'.

I´ll settle for Ambassodour at the Bikini Islands, the LotR part of New Zeeland and the one of the Orion Planets that supplied green, scantilly clad slave girls/women to the part of the Galaxy later on to be explored by Captain Kirk.

Bra Size: I figure I won't need one in any of those locations but if, God willing, a woman should loose her's within my reach I certainly won't put it on unless she suggests it together with something else even more kinky.

Favorite serial: Hannibal Lecter.

Platform: Tetris, Sokoban, Pac-Man. Take your pick.

Minister For Capitalising On National Insecurities, for mine  (parody coming up)




" I am almost positive of the song that you will parody " . ;D

I figure that I should be the Federal Bikini Inspector, as I already hold this position in the United States of America. No on-the-job training necessary. Parody pending.

Elections are approaching in the UK (next week) and you know what? I'm sick to death of the current fools, liars, pimps, fatcats and sleazebags currently inhabiting the big parties. There's only one solution, and that's to form the Amiright party!
Of course I'm only looking for the best to run the country (Which country? Any country!!) so I'm inviting for people to apply for any position in the new government through the medium of parody.
If you want to be part of a new, exciting and infinitely strange political machine, post what position you're applying for on this thread, then write a parody outlining your policies, manifesto, bra size, favourite cereal etc. etc....and post on Tuesday, 3rd May
Viva La Revolucion!!


Just to clarify: You want us to post on Tuesday so that they will be up on Wednesday, is that right?

Just to clarify: You want us to post on Tuesday so that they will be up on Wednesday, is that right?

Erm.....depends on your time zone. I hadn't thought of that; bugger. In the UK, new parodies come up at about 4pm on average, I guess they're in the morning in America. So yeah.....post on Tuesday for Wednesday's "unveiling" of the Amiright Party. Wahoo!!

Erm.....depends on your time zone. I hadn't thought of that; bugger. In the UK, new parodies come up at about 4pm on average, I guess they're in the morning in America. So yeah.....post on Tuesday for Wednesday's "unveiling" of the Amiright Party. Wahoo!!


they click over at about midnight on the east coast of Australia

(as if anyone cares >:()

" I am almost positive of the song that you will parody " . ;D



I didn't actually have one in mind, Red Ant, but I sort of got an idea soon after - give me the initials and I'll reward you with a "YES" if you picked it - and my eternal psychic respect

otherwise I want to know your idea so I can pinch it  ;)

I didn't actually have one in mind, Red Ant, but I sort of got an idea soon after - give me the initials and I'll reward you with a "YES" if you picked it - and my eternal psychic respect

otherwise I want to know your idea so I can pinch it  ;)





Well, it would be tough to do on short notice, but I just did TOS. My pick was:

" I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General ".


Here's a possible opening through 3rd line:

"I'm running for Ministor of  National Insecurities,
I'll get rid of public funding and social security,
Capitalizing my powers, punish all of society..."

Of course it rhymes little but has ( if I counted right ) 16 syllables per line and what a better way to state that you are qualified to run for office than to parody this song?

If you can make that in 2 days I'll elect you King or Emporer ( provided if you make it you credit me for the idea. No credit and I will appoint myself Secretary of Offense- read back on page 1 to see my stance on that position! )  ;D

I figure that I should be the Federal Bikini Inspector, as I already hold this position in the United States of America. No on-the-job training necessary. Parody pending.


Charlie can set this to the "Modern Major General" song as well: First two lines:

I figure I should be the Federal Bikini Inspector,
I already hold this position in U.S., America...

Rhyming is not great with this one but since when you do you need to talk to inpect bikinis? All I usually say is * censored *. ;D

I have a very ugly copy ready for Tuesday for my Position as Secretary of Offense. Is anyone actually going to submit a parody on this thread an have it show up on Tuesday?

It's called S.O.F, short for Secretary Of oFfense ( my name will be intentionally not capitalized correctly to offend even more ) ;D, and is set to The Beatles " Yesterday ".

It is insulting and flows bad with TOS ( intentionally  ;D ), but does have the correct number of syllables per line. To make it more offensive I will use numerous phonetics and spelling mistakes as well. ;D

I will submit it anyway titled " S.O.F. ( The Amiright Party ) ". ;D

Vote Loca for a Better Tomorrow, And An Even Better Yesterday!  Because you Voted For Her Yesterday, If It's Tomorrow!  And Tomorrow Is Better Than Yesterday! 



I have a very ugly copy ready for Tuesday for my Position as Secretary of Offense. Is anyone actually going to submit a parody on this thread an have it show up on Tuesday?

It's called S.O.F, short for Secretary Of oFfense ( my name will be intentionally not capitalized correctly to offend even more ) ;D, and is set to The Beatles " Yesterday ".


Well, then we're up for something very interesting within this interesting thing because it so happens that "Yesterday" is my choice too, and just to avoid you getting suspicions that I took the idea from you I'd like to point out what EmiLoca wrote above, which reminded of a 50 percent done sketch I never finished during the presidential election. It is now 99 percent finished and I expect to have it polished up to 100 come tuesday evening.  ;D ;D ;D

Well, then we're up for something very interesting within this interesting thing because it so happens that "Yesterday" is my choice too, and just to avoid you getting suspicions that I took the idea from you I'd like to point out what EmiLoca wrote above, which reminded of a 50 percent done sketch I never finished during the presidential election. It is now 99 percent finished and I expect to have it polished up to 100 come tuesday evening.  ;D ;D ;D


I only picked Yesterday as that is probably the most well known song here. No I didn't think you would take my idea ( after all, parodying Yesterday is HARDLY an original concept ).

PS- I edited out all of the spelling mistakes and changed a few lines. It is now just offensive. Will submit it after Tuesdays postings are listed.

I only picked Yesterday as that is probably the most well known song here. No I didn't think you would take my idea ( after all, parodying Yesterday is HARDLY an original concept ).

PS- I edited out all of the spelling mistakes and changed a few lines. It is now just offensive. Will submit it after Tuesdays postings are listed.


We'll be in different ballparks then, mine's not offensive at all... hmmm... unless you count unvoluntary similarities to things promised by real assho... politicians as offensive.  :D

We'll be in different ballparks then, mine's not offensive at all... hmmm... unless you count unvoluntary similarities to things promised by real assho... politicians as offensive.  :D


Hehe, mines blatantly offensive ( but funny ) as my postion if elected of Secretary of Offense would call for it, therefore I need to make my argument for why I should be elected.

After writing the parody, I realized I might after all make a great politician for several reasons:

A: I only state the office I am running for.
B: I ask you to vote for me several times.
C: I insult/flame people in general.
D: I address no real issues.
E: I am never wrong.
F: I added subliminal hints in the parody that are offensive.

That's a pretty good start right?  ;D

As a Federal Bikini Inspector, this is a terrifying occurance to me: http://www.thespeciousreport.com/2003_obi.html

As I am not currently speed-reading each message as a timer counts down on the screen, I now see there was parody-writing involved. It's currently Monday arvo here and I was 80% through a parody of The Real Slim Shady, so will have to git crackin on an AmIRight Party one.

By the way, Charlie, your job won't exist after the global institutionalising of 'manties.'

OK, I've whipped this up in WordPad. I can't save files on the Uni computer so will slap it up here (small, so those who don't want to read it yet can wait 'til Wednesday). For those who can't wait, just click 'Reply with quote' to see it normal sized, if you haven't figured out that niftiness.

Just a tantalising whiff: It's a parody of Destiny Child's "Survivor" and is a response from George Bush upon hearing of the AmIRight Party and how it will pose mucho threat.

How'd we allow AmIRight to make a party?
The thought of all these geeks in office just alarms us.
A political joke, their new reforms seem kitcher.
The government is mad enough, stay out of congress! 
The country will be thrown in chaos, no apprisal.
Who wants guys on welfare to learn to take an order?
Who wants to try investing funds in homeless children?
Who wants a government that's smart and vaudevillian?

Hired a sniper! (Shot!) Pop you new members! (Pop!) 
'Til you fools stop your running for office. (Stop!)
Rivals, get snipered! (Shot!) Die, you new statesmen! (Pop!)
Vote AmIRight? Not without bribing!

You would not deceive your people for invasion.
No propaganda weaved about on television.
I bet you couldn't blast your rivals with assassins.
You AmIRights would try to help out and be giving.
Bet you guys would rule the country and be on top.
Give a speech in public without talking compost.
AmIRight would help construct a new future.
That's why a career in government don't suit ya!!! 

Hired a sniper! (Shot!) Pop you new members! (Pop!) 
'Til you fools stop your running for office. (Stop!)
Rivals, get snipered! (Shot!) Die, you new statesmen! (Pop!)
Vote AmIRight? Not without bribing!

I'm friggin' really pressed,
Dang this new contest!
Cuz you protest, detest,
And top my government!
(You'll spatter and splat.)
Sniper will cap you new adversaries!
(You'll spatter and splat.)
Die, AmIRight members, cuz you challenge me!
(You'll spatter and splat.)
Cuz you pose great hazard til he intervenes!
(You'll spatter and splat.)
I'm not gonna compromise my bliss presidency!
(You'll spatter and splat.)
Mr Sniper pops missiles straight into your head.
Cuz my government is scared o' you chaps!

Hired a sniper! (Shot!) Pop you new members! (Pop!) 
'Til you fools stop your running for office. (Stop!)
Rivals, get snipered! (Shot!) Die, you new statesmen! (Pop!)
Vote AmIRight? Not without bribing!

Dooon't.
Dooon't.
Dooon't.
Dooon't.

Blastin' all of you running for congress.
Keeps me president!
Because my power means the government wins.
No-brainer verity!

Hired a sniper! (Shot!) Pop you new members! (Pop!) 
'Til you fools stop your running for office. (Stop!)
Rivals, get snipered! (Shot!) Die, you new statesmen! (Pop!)
Vote AmIRight? Not without bribing!

Well, it would be tough to do on short notice, but I just did TOS. My pick was:

" I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General ".


Hmmmm.. could be a popular one :)  I got about 2/3 through that the other day... if I can find an ending for it, I'll be posting it :)

By the way, Charlie, your job won't exist after the global institutionalising of 'manties.'


Oh, it'll exist alright. It'll just be much less pleasant  :P

When that happens, I'll just have to try and go back to my old job (Vice President of the United States of America).

I'd like one of the less stressful, more discreet jobs.  Something simple like Lord Protector will do.  Don't think we've had one of those in a while.   :)

I managed to screw everything up by posting today... no wait this is politics... I MEANT to post it early, yeah that's the ticket. I used a dirty trick to get exposure and steal the Presidency. That's right, I'm running for President.

I submitted it today what must have been less than ten minutes before the parody posting went up. When I went back to the site several minutes later, I was surprised to see that not only was it UP, but it had 5 votes & comments, which is proof that cheating works and is an effective political strategy. If I'd have gotten before the early voters, I'd just have told everyone not to comment on it and then resubmitted it for tomorrow. But since I have all them nice comments now, if it's all the same to you all I'm just gonna stick with my cheating bid for the Presidency.

In the interest of not swaying those law-abiding individuals who are posting tomorrow, I shall refrain from posting a link to it here until tomorrow. I'd urge those of you in the 'Amiright Party' spirit to not check it out until then, but then you'd probably go anyway.

now i want to run for something... gotta think quickly. I might not win this but i'm gonna challenge MooRocca for vice prez

When the U.S. Constitution is amended to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to run for President, I will be fictionally right alongside him as his imaginary properly-pumped-up Running-Meat, er, I mean, Running-Mate.

I finished writing my AmiRight Party hallucinatory-campaign-ballad-on-steroids:

"Growmeatian Voteformee",
a parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

I will submit it after Tuesday's posting to make sure it posts on Wednesday.    8)

To be absolutely clear: post on Tuesday for Wednesdays new parodies!



whoops  :-[

(I remembered you said Tuesday, but forgot you said "Post It" -  So much for my electable cred)

Here are the ones up at the moment:

Minister Stu
Divine Goddess Arwen
President 2nz
Political Assassin Luke

i got about halfway through "scenes from an undisclosed location" and gave up for the moment. So I'll rest on my hardys. They're much sturdier than laurels even if it isn't a real figure of speech and not really even a real word.

I just submitted "The Bikini Inspector," to the tune of "Strawberry Fields Forever." I'll link to it tomorrow.

whoops  :-[

(I remembered you said Tuesday, but forgot you said "Post It" -  So much for my electable cred)




I have to ditto Stu...I thought they were supposed to be up on Tuesday.  I wondered why there weren't more.  Dammit!!!  I'm an idiot.  But that doesn't make me any less Divine. 

But that doesn't make me any less Divine. 


Oh, most certainly.
However, I did submit mine on Tuesday... even after 3pm when it becomes midnight over in your time zone, but I guess the site doesn't post each day directly at 12am.

For those who missed "Vatican City," I just stayed up half the night *re*explaining why I would be a better pope. Watch for "He's Always Benedict to Me."

xoxox
Spaff

For those who missed "Vatican City," I just stayed up half the night *re*explaining why I would be a better pope. Watch for "He's Always Benedict to Me."


Ha ha ha!
HA HA HA!
;D

I posted my governmental CV, "I Am The Very Model Of A Parliament'ry Candidate", last night, ready for today's postings.  I will be Lord Protector.. just you wait and see :)

I suck  :\'(

I suck  :\'(


You mean you turned into a vacuum cleaner?  :o

This is your leader speaking!
Seems to have been a bit of a mess-up with posting dates...I think it's my fault, I didn't make it clear in the first post. Never mind....I'm going to link all Amiright parodies to a new thread tomorrow, announcing my cabinet (what do you guys in the US call it?)....so there will be PLENTY of exposure. The Amiright Party Campaign Song will be posted today, hopefully right at the top of the page (had to find a "Z" OS to parody...)
Stay tuned....
:D

Okay!  Here's my Amiright Party Politically-Pumped-Up-Power-Grab-Parody:

Growmeatian Voteformee

Here's my Vote-winning CV

Vote For Me:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles1068.shtml

I submitted my bid for "Minister of Funny Affairs" today, Kristof.

Fabulous idea, Kristof. I'm looking forward to reading everyone's platforms.
As for mine, I've made no secret of my aspirations: I want to be POPE. Here's my stump speech:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/gunsnroses44.shtml

And since campaigning requires slinging poop at the opposition, here's where I expose the incumbent:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/bowlingforsoup68.shtml

Now then. I have an idea. Behold one of my favorite photos on the web:
http://www.spaff.com/sr/redneck.jpg

Who's good at Photoshop (or whatever you creative types are using these days)? I would love to see this hottie's poster replaced with one that says
CLAUDE
4
PREZ

Anybody up to the challenge? Make it look professional and we'll harass Claude into using it for his avatar. He needs a new one anyway.

If anyone does this (and please do), maybe while you're at it you can humor me with a version that says
SPAFF
for
POPE

I would love to use such a thing on my web site.

POWER TO THE PARODISTS!
xoxox
Spaff

Thanks for thee great Inspiration Kris. I woulda have done one about being Prime Minister and all but you know... didn't fit in for '64'. Anyhow, it's all Kristof's fault, he IS the leader, so all complaints should be attributed to him directlike. I am however the president, so publicly bash me as much as you want. I have thick kneepads and shoulder enhancements for that.

Mel, you win. You fit the part of VP perfectlike.

Why so much work Ethan? That song's a major pain in thee anus. Luck to you if you see fit to continue.

Charlie and the Bikini Factory? I must check out soon, along with all thee other runners.

Stu, you heard him say "Tuesday", and that counts for something. Arwen, when you're Divine AND Sexy nothing else matters. Stu and Arwen no sweats. It's all good and it's all Kristof's fault otherwise (He is bein' the leader).

Jeff, you suck. But I am your President so it is somehow my fault if you suck. And I also suck more.

You others all stop bein' so cool and composed and I'll be able to think of something to for you next time too.

I present to you..."The Bikini Inspector"!

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles1070.shtml

I tried to re-make the sign, but the lady got so annoyed with my constant "undo"-ing, that she finally dropped her sign and stormed off. 

Beast.

I submitted "Election (E-mix)" yesterday to the tune of R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)", but apparently it didn't make it onto the site...perhaps I should tone down the part about the prick that fudges in the ass .

::)

The lady was surprisingly cooperative with me. ;D Have a ball you all  ;D

The lady was surprisingly cooperative with me. ;D Have a ball you all  ;D


BWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ROCK, 2NZ!

I have already put the Spaff 4 Pope one here:
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/vatican_city.html
AND here:
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/red_state_woman.html

Now we just have to force Claude to use his for his avatar. YOU LISTENING, PREZ?!

Grazie ancora.
xoxox
Spaff

Yeah, I'm listening.  You guys both rock.

Yeah, I'm listening.  You guys both rock.


I'm listening, too. We've had your phones tapped.

I want to be Vice President of the U.S.A.    To further prove my point that I'm the right person for this job,  instead of going to all the trouble of typing up a new and original application for the position, I'll just submit an old one I used when trying to worm my way onto another candidate's ticket.   You can read it on this thread (I think it's the third or fourth post down:)
http://espo2004.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000002


For those too drunk or lazy to follow MooRocca's link, here is her fantastic essay on why she should be Vice President. Note that this is from March '04, making the Dan Rather thing downright prescient. (Hey, 2nz, how 'bout a "MooRocca for VP" or "MooRocca 4 Veep" sign?)

QUOTE FROM MooRocca:

I have nearly 40 years of experience cowering from tornadoes, in the basement. As we've learned from watching news anchors on CNN and WKRP in Cincinnati, this experience translates directly to Vice Presidential reactionary protocol in times of foreign threat.

I'm already an unknown, so there will be no trouble getting 4 out of 5 American people to draw a blank when asked who I am.

I have friends and family, many of whom I haven't heard from in years, who'd be more than happy to come out of the woodwork to accept plum government contracts, saving taxpayers the expense, time and trouble of a bidding and selection process. This will shift additional financial burden off of the American taxpayer by keeping my friends and relatives off of welfare and generating kickbacks which will eliminate the need for salary increases in the Executive branch. So, adding me to the ticket is like adding a living breathing tax cut that congress can't screw with!

I have been divorced as per the requirement that all party candidates for positions lesser than commander in chief be divorced at least once. Unfortunately, I have not yet had the opportunity to divorce multiple times or to divorce an invalid who depended on me, alone, for companionship and basic survival needs, but I hope my other qualifications will make up for it.

As a wife, parent, former child and generally stubborn, overly opinionated woman, I am uniquely qualified to thumb America's nose in the face of the world (as represented in the UN.) As all who have known me would be all too happy to verify, I am an expert, with a lifetime of experience disagreeing with others often just for the sake of disagreeing, acting without considering their input and then backpeddling after it blows up in my face, twisting the situation back into my favor. I would be honored to provide this same valuable service for and the American people.

My experience as a landlord proves that I am experienced in being paid well to do nothing.

By countless minutes of practicing in front of the mirror, I've mastered to ability to repeat important interview responses, such as the following, with a straight face:

1. "The world is a safer place now that the rainforest is a smouldering crater incapable of supporting even rudimentary life."

2. "We were not hunting them for sport, as the press would have you believe. These so-called harmless starving children were highly trained and organized terrorist operatives using charitable relief organizations as a conduit to fund the development of weapons of mass destruction. As for rumors that several high ranking officials, including myself and the President, have had their heads stuffed and mounted, these are not, I repeat, NOT hunting trophies. These heads hang on our office walls to serve as reminders that threats come in all shapes and sizes."

3. "When viewing surveillance footage of the alleged Whitheouse orgy, you have to bear in mind that these cameras are connected to computers and that if any half-witted child with a computer can use common software to doctor photos and video, it's likely that the half-witted minimum wage staffers monitoring our surveillance cameras also know how to use this software."

4. "Dan Rather, you ignorant slut!"

5. "Why should Americans slave their lives away to provide good and services for lazy foreigners? Isn't it enough that we saved their asses in the war? By sending American jobs overseas, we're seeing to it that those bastards will be serving US for a change!"

But wait, there's still more!

I'm willing to let the nerds on the Supreme Court hang out with me, to get and keep the Justices firmly in the pocket of the Whitheouse, where they belong.

If called upon to disappear for my country, I am prepared to do so and have done so, in the private sector, many times. Even neighbors and close relatives have worried whether I'd met with an untimely demise, when in fact, I was only avoiding them.

I am equally willing to draw the attention of the press away from the President by maintaining a high profile while engaging in questionable activities that will be much less boring for the American people to hear about than whatever it is the President was doing.

I do hope that Mr. will consider me for this or some other high paying, do-nothing position in his administration. I sit willing, ready and eager to provide a complete lack of service to and for my country, to hide underground at the slightest hint of danger, to party with the right people to further the President's cause, to put my relatives to work for the American taxpayer, to support (or at least give the impression that I'm aware of) the President's every decision and action and to deny everything on his behalf. Above all, I'm not just in it for the nookie, I'm in it for the money, too!