Original lyrics of "The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald":

The legend lives on from the chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called ’gitche gumee’
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of november turn gloomy

With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the edmund fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of november came early.

The ship was the pride of the american side
Coming back from some mill in wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for cleveland
And later that night when the ship’s bell rang
Could it be the north wind they’d been feelin’?

The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T’was the witch of november come stealin’.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of november came slashin’.
When afternoon came it was freezin’ rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.

When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin’.
Fellas, it’s too rough to feed ya.
At seven p.m. a main hatchway caved in, he said
Fellas, it’s been good t’know ya

The captain wired in he had water comin’ in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when his lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald.

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searches all say they’d have made whitefish bay
If they’d put fifteen more miles behind her.

They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake huron rolls, superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old michigan steams like a young man’s dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

And farther below lake ontario
Takes in what lake erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the gales of november remembered.

In a musty old hall in detroit they prayed,
In the maritime sailors’ cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the edmund fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call ’gitche gumee’.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of november come early!

New sewage has come from the Fox network's bum
With the big name "American Idol"
The show, they all said, surely gives viewers head
With the size of its ratings unrivaled

The premise, they say, is to give teens a way
To fulfill on their dreams of pop-stardom
The warbling's so vile, it's like sucking on bile
As you wait for your art'ries to harden

For each sings their song like they're wearing a thong
That's been shoved into all the wrong places;
Their eyes close to slits and they pucker their lips --
Making music? Or just making faces?

With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the edmund fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of november came early.


Paula Abdul's such a bore-- 26 fans are no more
And her singing career is now empty
The producers they knew, she knew how to be booed
So they signed her on as a judge very early

(everyone, stretch this out with verses about each 'star' of the show...Ryan secrist, Simon, Jackson, and the winners...also William Hung...Great idea, Johnny!)

And Simon is grim, and the people hate him
Because his disposition's not sunny
And he'll tell kids they suck, and should go drive a truck
And he's usually right on the money

Well Randy's a dawg, who does not like to jog
But he does like to use lots of vowels
Cause he'll say, "That's aaaaiiiiiight", so he won't sound too white
Though his act's a lame ripoff of Cowell's

...not to be included (unless you want to add an appendix):

I'm sorry to say that I am not au fait
With owt from the genre "Reality"
It's so damn inane that it drives me insane
With its whole unremitting banality

Idol or Brother, both or another
I've never watched either, don't doubt me
So I can't add my verses, my insults and curses
You'll just have to write this without me

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searches all say they’d have made whitefish bay
If they’d put fifteen more miles behind her.

When William Hung blows hot air out of his nose
His sound-waves turn the minutes to hours
The judges all say he'd have killed fish that day
If he'd sung with more volume and power

No song can be sung by the great William Hung
And it's harsh but I still think he should be
To bring him more fame, a new record deal came
and he still sat and wondered 'well, should he?'

You no talent fool, don't they teach math in school
One contract plus you means bling-blinging
Until William hangs, we will all hear 'She Bangs'
From a singer who's no good at singing

Doh. JD, I missed your well-Hung stanza up until after I posted this, which is bad because I didn't think anyone had hit the Hung yet in this song. If anyone has a problem with there being three stanzas about Mr. Hung, lemme know. I'm sure I can condense it down to a single stanza if needed. Heck, you could make an appendix or an 'outtakes' section and put it there too.

No song can be sung by the great William Hung
And it's harsh but I still think he should be
To bring him more fame, a new record deal came
and he still sat and wondered 'well, should he?'

You no talent fool, don't they teach math in school
One contract plus you means bling-blinging
Until William hangs, we will all hear 'She Bangs'
From a singer who's no good at singing

Doh. JD, I missed your well-Hung stanza up until after I posted this, which is bad because I didn't think anyone had hit the Hung yet in this song. If anyone has a problem with there being three stanzas about Mr. Hung, lemme know. I'm sure I can condense it down to a single stanza if needed. Heck, you could make an appendix or an 'outtakes' section and put it there too.


No problem, 2nz!  We'll just combine yours and mine into a trio like this:

No song can be sung by the great William Hung
And it's harsh but I still think he should be
To bring him more fame, a new record deal came
and he still sat and wondered 'well, should he?'

When William Hung blows hot air out of his nose
His sound-waves turn the minutes to hours
The judges all say he'd have killed fish that day
If he'd sung with more volume and power

You no talent fool, don't they teach math in school
One contract plus you means bling-blinging
Until William hangs, we will all hear 'She Bangs'
From a singer who's no good at singing


..............There - I think that works, don't you?

Thanks very much!  ;D

The ironic thing is that some of them sing
Well enough you won't reach for your Midol
But the ones with good stuff, are the first voted off
Of The Dreck Called "American Idol"

Guarini would strut with his poodle haircut,
Hoping his under-arms were not smelly.
He sang and he wailed, but that Clarkson prevailed,
When Just-in-time, the voters chose Kelly.

Note to 2nz -

Your line:

"And it's harsh but I still think he should be"

I don't understand the intent of the second half of that line, "I still think he should be" .... ?

Just wondering, no big deal, I like both of your verses!

Note to 2nz -

Your line:

"And it's harsh but I still think he should be"

I don't understand the intent of the second half of that line, "I still think he should be" .... ?

Just wondering, no big deal, I like both of your verses!

I'm pretty sure he meant William should be Hung.  I like it but it took me a couple readings to get it.  By the way, I really like this idea, Johnny (you could probably tell since I'm hogging all these verses).

I'm pretty sure he meant William should be Hung.  I like it but it took me a couple readings to get it.  By the way, I really like this idea, Johnny (you could probably tell since I'm hogging all these verses).


Ah, now I get it!  I like it even more now.

Thanks, Claude, and let's not stop at the number of verses in the original song - as long as people can keep coming up with fun stuff to write, let's just keep piling 'em on!  Maybe we can all break the Amiright record for the longest parody!

I'm pretty sure he meant William should be Hung.  I like it but it took me a couple readings to get it.  By the way, I really like this idea, Johnny (you could probably tell since I'm hogging all these verses).


You gots it.

Here's hoping our extended rambling this week ends with me. (I don't mean we should stop writing stanzas. I only mean to provide the closing stanzas.

Don't have much stage fright, come into the spotlight
And sing like your in a cold shower
You'll book your own shows, you might even score hos
Not from talent, but from Idol's power

(Randy)
Well have no more fear, aiiiight, the ending is near, yo
(Paula)
...But, dammit we're all out of Midol <--and ideas
(Simon)
You can't dance, you can't sing, so we're ending this thing
Yeah, this dreck called 'American Idol'

I hope I'm not too late!  :-\\

For Verses 7-9:

And Who'd-a thought that Clay Aiken was so great
He's not straight; Kelly Clarkson: no talent
The "singing's" insane; rock songs sung in vain
Killed "Rock You Like a Hurricane," you'd win

Watch Superstar USA instead of this garbage
They look for the world's worst singers
Yeah, Vitamin C, Tone Loc, and that other judge guy
Make AI's judges look like apes

Old Simon's weird, yeah, and he disses the contestants
I agree with him, but he's still terrible
Yeah, Michael Bolton was bad enough, then one night
Came the dreck called "American Idol"


For Verses 11, on....:

If there is talent, oh man, it's been downsized
Clay sings like he's gargling water
And all the songs, they all have faces; artists, names
Don't ever bother songs with this garbage

Zep's "Rock 'n' Roll," and songs by the Kinks
And garbage that is by Marilyn Manson,
"Bohemian Rhapsody," Heart's "These Dreams,"
Led Zeppelin's song, "Stairway to Heaven"

My eardrums begin bleeding all night long
How can these contestants be singers?
And the Iron Maiden songs were defeated by foes
Those folks on "American Idol"

The way their voices screeched, the songs that they played,
It sure sounds like Satan's Cathedral,
Like Michael Bolton had sung with contestants
On the dreck called "American Idol"

Will Spinal Tap sue, 'cause Fox borrowed their gimmick?
That William Hung sings just like Gumby
Inferior, ruined "Darkstar" by the Dead
No good scales on "American Idol"!


How do you guys like my verses? :)

For Verses 7-9:


And Who'd-a thought that Clay Aiken was so great
He's not straight; Kelly Clarkson: no talent
The "singing's" insane; rock songs sung in vain
Killed "Rock You Like a Hurricane," you'd win
(The third line in that verse is great!  And the fourth is like a line from the original song. The other two lines are okay.)


Watch Superstar USA instead of this garbage
They look for the world's worst singers
Yeah, Vitamin C, Tone Loc, and that other judge guy
Make AI's judges look like apes
(I'm sorry, but this verse doesn't fit the original song's pacing or rhyme)


Old Simon's weird, yeah, and he disses the contestants
I agree with him, but he's still terrible
Yeah, Michael Bolton was bad enough, then one night
Came the dreck called "American Idol"
(Sorry, doesn't mesh with the original song again)


For Verses 11, on....:


If there is talent, oh man, it's been downsized
Clay sings like he's gargling water
And all the songs, they all have faces; artists, names
Don't ever bother songs with this garbage
(Second line is great!  Other lines' pacing and rhyme don't work)


Zep's "Rock 'n' Roll," and songs by the Kinks
And garbage that is by Marilyn Manson,
"Bohemian Rhapsody," Heart's "These Dreams,"
Led Zeppelin's song, "Stairway to Heaven"
(First and third lines don't work; Second line should lose "that is"; Fourth line is OK)


My eardrums begin bleeding all night long
How can these contestants be singers?
And the Iron Maiden songs were defeated by foes
Those folks on "American Idol"
(Second line is OK; all other lines' pacing and rhyme don't work)


The way their voices screeched, the songs that they played,
It sure sounds like Satan's Cathedral,
Like Michael Bolton had sung with contestants
On the dreck called "American Idol"
(If you can make the third line's pacing and rhyme match the first line, then this verse would be OK)


Will Spinal Tap sue, 'cause Fox borrowed their gimmick?
That William Hung sings just like Gumby
Inferior, ruined "Darkstar" by the Dead
No good scales on "American Idol"!
(Too many syllables in the first line; second line OK; third line needs one more syllable; fourth line OK but doesn't rhyme with second line)

Chris, do you not like the structure of the song? Every 1st and 3rd line in EVERY stanza has to rhyme with itself. Come on, bro, just look at the original. It's a lot of work, sure, but that's how it is. Instead of doing half the song, concentrate on writing two stanzas that follow the pacing.

If you do that and we keep piling verses onto this song, it is, both figuratively and literally, gonna be huge.  ;)

This is really something.  I think I consider myself too "below" everyone posting here to actually come up with a verse or two of my own, but it looks great.  Keep it up!

Maybe this to round it up:

So who'll win the title: American Idol
The subject's got old, we should drop it
Forget who's a-winning, if I hear 'em singing
I'm going to scream Hey! You!

JUST STOP IT!!!

This is really something.  I think I consider myself too "below" everyone posting here to actually come up with a verse or two of my own, but it looks great.  Keep it up!


I wish you'd reconsider, EmiLoca. But thanks for giving everyone here a big, giant, swollen... ego  ;) (What, JD's better at this stuff than I am). I agree with Philbo that it's about time to wrap this pig up and serve him to the natives. I disagree, however, with Philbo providing an ending for a song that already has one  ???  :D You move in on my already-written ending and I'm afraid you will force me to Wreck YOUR Edmund Fitzgerald  :D

Better yet, how 'bout this be the ending:

Don't have much stage fright, come into the spotlight
And sing like your in a cold shower
You'll book your own shows, you might even score hos
Not from talent, but from Idol's power

So who'll win the title: American Idol
The subject's got old, we should drop it
Forget who's a-winning, if I hear 'em singing
I'm going to scream Hey! You! JUST STOP IT!!!

(Randy)
Well have no more fear, aiiiight, the ending is near, yo
(Paula)
...But, dammit we're all out of Midol <--and ideas
(Simon)
You can't dance, you can't sing, so we're ending this thing
Yeah, this dreck called 'American Idol'

I think I consider myself too "below" everyone posting here to actually come up with a verse or two of my own...


I firmly believe Parody-mocracy
Must rely on group participation
Collab'rative art means we each do our part
So give up on your ego deflation!

Yes, add without guilt to this parody quilt
For your own contribution is vital
And as I have seen, you're the parody queen
With regard to 'American Idol'

Your statement is true; better three is than two
But should my verse go up for submission
My efforts they'd mock; from this thread, I'd be blocked
(I am famous for my premonitions.)

My ego-deflate may cause you to frustrate
But, admitted, I'm hardly a writer
So with no regret, this one thread I'll forget
For my life will go on (Am I Right, sir?)

:D

...So with no regret, this one thread I'll forget
For my life will go on (Am I Right, sir?)...

Yes ma'am, 'Writer You' (and a fine writer, too!)
That your life on this thread's not dependent
So though we regret that you won't join us yet
I'm content that I put in my two cents

Your skills are revered, but you've made it quite clear
That to this task you have an aversion
The choice is your own, so I'll leave it alone
I would never resort to coercion

So you're off the hook, thanks for giving a look
And I'm glad that you found it amusing
We'll meet, I am sure, somewhere else on the boards
When you post on a thread of your choosing!
;)

Maybe (he said) we should have a whole thread
Where all posts must be of this format
And we could all rehearse a discussion in verse
Using words to make rhymes, such as "doormat"

Thanks to everybody who contributed - I shall slap this puppy together & submit it in the monkey room.