Keep it simpel.
8)

1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.
2 can be as bad as 1.
It's the loneliest number since the number 1.



Cat

Let's see

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v667/decolady/trips/2009/BNA/urinals-and-toilets.jpg

For number 1,  I go to the left.
For number 2, I walk straight ahead.
I'd rather sit...so I chose number 2

1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.
2 can be as bad as 1.
It's the loneliest number since the number 1.



Cat


one is also the boringest number you can juggle to  according to my parody

I'm not as dumb as I am

1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.
2 can be as bad as 1.
It's the loneliest number since the number 1.



Cat


No, no, no ... that's not right!  ....then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

No, no, no ... that's not right!  ....then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.


my point exactly  you must juggle with three

2 + 1 = 21.

http://www.sandi-beach.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/21-blackjack-hearts.jpg

Hit me! 

::)

I'll choose 1.

2 + 1 = 21.

http://www.sandi-beach.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/21-blackjack-hearts.jpg

Hit me! 

::)



You don't want a hit when you have blackjack. And the first rule of blackjack-when you get one you...























































Smile.  :)



Cat

2 is always better because then you have someone else to go make you a sandwich.

P.S.  I want to be the first to hit Al. 

P.S.  I want to be the first to hit Al.


Ooooh....

:o :o :o

I kant chooz.  Its 2 hard.  y did u haf 2 giv us so manee choysez?

I have to go pee

I have to go pee



Sounds like a personal problem if you ask me.  :D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

I'm going to have to run really fast    see ya

I have to go pee


I already did.

I have to defecate.

I already did.


so that's whose pee was on the seat

2 + 1 = 21.

http://www.sandi-beach.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/21-blackjack-hearts.jpg

Hit me! 

::)


So... What's dumb about that?

so that's whose pee was on the seat


Yep it was.

So... What's dumb about that?


Go to a casino and play blackjack at a table with several other players and when you land on 21, tell the dealer you want to hit and see what happens.

Go to a casino and play blackjack at a table with several other players and when you land on 21, tell the dealer you want to hit and see what happens.


the above reply was reply # 22  wil b

Go to a casino and play blackjack at a table with several other players and when you land on 21, tell the dealer you want to hit and see what happens.


OK, that really is dumb, but for a real-life example, go to a casino and play blackjack at a table with several other players, and they blame you for what happens whether you hit or stand.  The decks are fair, and therefore no decision made by any player can have any impact on the probability of any other player winning.

You can play 99% perfect basic strategy with the intention of losing 1-2% per hour, and the other players blame you for everything.  You can attempt to count cards (and fail to achieve 99.9% perfection in keeping track the count), and the players blame you for the results when they lose after you choose to deviate from basic strategy, because you should have played it "right".

Funny thing is that because I'm not part of the 0.1% who can count at that level of skill, and as such, the casinos don't mind my presence because when I try to count and make one or two mistakes per hour, because when I try, my expected return on each hand is actually worse than it would be if I just played 99% basic strategy.  I'm OK with that - it's a two-way street - I enjoy the game more than I would if I just played basic like a robot.  In the end, you don't win at blackjack with money, you win at blackjack the day the pit boss politely suggests you try another game.  Someday, man, someday.

OK, that really is dumb, but for a real-life example, go to a casino and play blackjack at a table with several other players, and they blame you for what happens whether you hit or stand.  The decks are fair, and therefore no decision made by any player can have any impact on the probability of any other player winning.

You can play 99% perfect basic strategy with the intention of losing 1-2% per hour, and the other players blame you for everything.  You can attempt to count cards (and fail to achieve 99.9% perfection in keeping track the count), and the players blame you for the results when they lose after you choose to deviate from basic strategy, because you should have played it "right".

Funny thing is that because I'm not part of the 0.1% who can count at that level of skill, and as such, the casinos don't mind my presence because when I try to count and make one or two mistakes per hour, because when I try, my expected return on each hand is actually worse than it would be if I just played 99% basic strategy.  I'm OK with that - it's a two-way street - I enjoy the game more than I would if I just played basic like a robot.  In the end, you don't win at blackjack with money, you win at blackjack the day the pit boss politely suggests you try another game.  Someday, man, someday.



I heard this strategy for playing. You watch a game (not play) and if there are a lot of low cards coming up, after awhile, jump in the game because the odds of winning BlackJack is higher. I did this one time and when I sat down, I was dealt a BlackJack right away. Then I gathered my winnings and left the table-and went on to another table.

Of course the game I like much better than BlackJack is Let It Ride. Carlos won $750 at Let It Ride once (and bragging rights).



Cat

I heard this strategy for playing. You watch a game (not play) and if there are a lot of low cards coming up, after awhile, jump in the game because the odds of winning BlackJack is higher. I did this one time and when I sat down, I was dealt a BlackJack right away. Then I gathered my winnings and left the table-and went on to another table.


Pretty much - get to the point that you've got an actual count (as opposed to a subjective impression of having seen "a lot of low cards", which can be helpful but which can lead to errors), work with a clever group of people, some of whom sit there and play basic strategy all night while maintaining the count, and then discreetly signal others in the group to enter the table for a few hands only when the count is very favorable, all the while trying not to be seen or recognized as working together in a group, and you've got the subject matter for a pretty good 2008 movie.  Which is why casinos were among the first industries to develop facial recognition systems, and why many tables operate with continuous shuffle and/or shuffle very early in the shoe.

In the end, the house always wins, but it doesn't mean the players can't have a lot of fun along the way.

Pretty much - get to the point that you've got an actual count (as opposed to a subjective impression of having seen "a lot of low cards", which can be helpful but which can lead to errors), work with a clever group of people, some of whom sit there and play basic strategy all night while maintaining the count, and then discreetly signal others in the group to enter the table for a few hands only when the count is very favorable, all the while trying not to be seen or recognized as working together in a group, and you've got the subject matter for a pretty good 2008 movie.  Which is why casinos were among the first industries to develop facial recognition systems, and why many tables operate with continuous shuffle and/or shuffle very early in the shoe.

In the end, the house always wins, but it doesn't mean the players can't have a lot of fun along the way.



The movie was based on a book. Yup, those MIT students are famous.



Cat

The movie was based on a book. Yup, those MIT students are famous.



Cat



I know I am but what are you.

Dumb story of the day:

I went grocery shopping today and during my shopping I was stuck in an aisle behind 2 women in their late 60s speaking to each other in half English, half Italian. When one of the ladies eventually noticed me, she moved out of the way, but then followed me to the next aisle. She just turned to me & dove into a rant intended at that other woman, her rant with a heavy Italian acccent.

"Thata laydee, she no speak no f_cking English good!..She is Canada tain ears now, no speak no f_cking gooda Engleesh...I in Canada seeks ears..Iya speek betta f_cking eenglish than her. Whatta is her problem, no speeka da f_cking good eeenglish...whyah she cumma to deesa countree if she no wanna speeka da f_cking good eenglish? "

I had no idea how to respond to that, pot calling kettle black.

Dumb story of the day:

I went grocery shopping today and during my shopping I was stuck in an aisle behind 2 women in their late 60s speaking to each other in half English, half Italian. When one of the ladies eventually noticed me, she moved out of the way, but then followed me to the next aisle. She just turned to me & dove into a rant intended at that other woman, her rant with a heavy Italian acccent.

"Thata laydee, she no speak no f_cking English good!..She is Canada tain ears now, no speak no f_cking gooda Engleesh...I in Canada seeks ears..Iya speek betta f_cking eenglish than her. Whatta is her problem, no speeka da f_cking good eeenglish...whyah she cumma to deesa countree if she no wanna speeka da f_cking good eenglish? "

I had no idea how to respond to that, pot calling kettle black.



Wow.

Wow.


She never even said hi to me, she just jumped into the rant filled with f-bombs.

We're number 3! We're number 3! We're number 3! We're number 103,748!

Dumb story of the day:

I went grocery shopping today and during my shopping I was stuck in an aisle behind 2 women in their late 60s speaking to each other in half English, half Italian. When one of the ladies eventually noticed me, she moved out of the way, but then followed me to the next aisle. She just turned to me & dove into a rant intended at that other woman, her rant with a heavy Italian acccent.

"Thata laydee, she no speak no f_cking English good!..She is Canada tain ears now, no speak no f_cking gooda Engleesh...I in Canada seeks ears..Iya speek betta f_cking eenglish than her. Whatta is her problem, no speeka da f_cking good eeenglish...whyah she cumma to deesa countree if she no wanna speeka da f_cking good eenglish? "

I had no idea how to respond to that, pot calling kettle black.


That reminds me of a stupid joke I heard a long time ago (maybe in Playboy).

A little old lady goes into an Italian deli and sits down at the counter. Two old Italian men are sitting at a booth right behind her and she overhears their conversation:

"Emma comma, then I comma, then the two asses they comma together, then I comma, then the two asses comma again, then I pee pee then I comma."

The old lady gets the waitress's attention and says to her, "My word...that's the most disgusting thing thing I've ever heard!" The waitress replies, "What are you talking about? Sergio was just explaining to Luigi how to spell 'Mississippi.' "  ;D ::)

That reminds me of a stupid joke I heard a long time ago (maybe in Playboy).

A little old lady goes into an Italian deli and sits down at the counter. Two old Italian men are sitting at a booth right behind her and she overhears their conversation:

"Emma comma, then I comma, then the two asses they comma together, then I comma, then the two asses comma again, then I pee pee then I comma."

The old lady gets the waitress's attention and says to her, "My word...that's the most disgusting thing thing I've ever heard!" The waitress replies, "What are you talking about? Sergio was just explaining to Luigi how to spell 'Mississippi.' "  ;D ::)


Being Italian, I know this one  ;D

There's this one too:

The Italian Who Went To Winnipeg

One day Ima go to Winnipeg to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She branga me only one a piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better no piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch.

Latter, I go to eat soma lunch at drake restaurant. The waitress bringa me a spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I tella her a wanna fock. She tellsa everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch.

So I go backa my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tella him I wanna sheet. He tella me to go to the toilet, so I say you no understand. I wanna sheet on the bed. He say, you better not sheet on the bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me sonna ma bitch.

I go back to Italy!

Being Italian, I know this one  ;D

There's this one too:

The Italian Who Went To Winnipeg

One day Ima go to Winnipeg to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She branga me only one a piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better no piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch.

Latter, I go to eat soma lunch at drake restaurant. The waitress bringa me a spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I tella her a wanna fock. She tellsa everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch.

So I go backa my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tella him I wanna sheet. He tella me to go to the toilet, so I say you no understand. I wanna sheet on the bed. He say, you better not sheet on the bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me sonna ma bitch.

I go back to Italy!



Another bad Italian joke:

This guy come to the U.S. to be with his girlfriend. His girlfriend tell him to learn 3 words of English.

So, he goes to the airport and he learns the word "take-off."
He goes to the zoo and learns the word "zebra."
He goes to the hospital and learns the word "baby."

So he goes back to his girlfriend who ask him if he learned 3 words. He says:

"Take-off zebra, baby!"



Cat

Do you want sheets on your bed?
You put sheets on my bed and I keel you!

You can construct the rest of the joke.
:P

She never even said hi to me, she just jumped into the rant filled with f-bombs.


That was interesting.