A friend almost came close to losing her special needs son. He became separated from his group at a Globetrotters game at the Garden when his father allowed himself to be distracted. He was found two and a half hours later by someone who was unaware of the situation, but realized that this was a person who may need help and took the time to try to communicate with him, and contact the authorities. Thankfully, this situation had a good outcome, but what is disheartening is that the person who did find him was one of the very people who should have been informed of the situation. The lack of response and communication between local authorities could very possibly have allowed him to have been found within minutes. If this person had not taken the initiative.... well, it is too awful to think of the many things that could have happened. The adage, if you see something, say something, applies to many situations, this is one of them. Special needs adults are just as vulnerable as children, and in many ways much more so. Please, if you see someone who may appear as if they are confused, out of place, or have issues making them in need of assistance, take the time. It could make all the difference in the world.

How scary.  I am glad they found him.  You are right.  We should all make a better effort to get involved if we see something that doesn't seem quite right.

What a wonderful story Danoota, I'm glad they found him. Remember, if you see something, say something.

I'm glad they found him and he was safe...


a couple months ago a young man was reported to our agency after he walked away during a day trip.  He was last seen at 1pm and was found at 630 that evening.  My officers did an exhaustive search of our campus and the surrounding areas. I called every open facility and res hall on campus to get them to be on the look out... we were glad to have found him when he finally stopped to rest inside an apartment complex lobby and someone called him in to another agency.

Special needs adults are just as vulnerable as children, and in many ways much more so.


This.

I see a kid in distress, I'm not making eye contact, I'm keeping several meters' distance, and confusing the nearest two or three female strangers by pointing at the lost kid and letting the kid be their problem.  They'll do the right thing, and (as non-males) aren't subject to becoming collateral damage when the failed helicopter parent shows up.

I see an adult freaking out, I'm like "Hey man.  What's up?  Chill out, we'll figure this out.  Let's go on an adventure to find someone who can help you catch up with your friends!  It's 1945?  Where'd ya serve?  Right, once more for (The President|God, King and Country|The Emperor|The Motherland|The Fatherland)", said adventure being a quest to find the nearest mall map and the quickest route to the security office.  Helicopter parents out of the equation, I don't care which side you fought for, but I'm more than willing to roll the dice and relive some history for the ten minutes it'll take to find some help.

I see a kid in distress, I'm not making eye contact, I'm keeping several meters' distance, and confusing the nearest two or three female strangers by pointing at the lost kid and letting the kid be their problem.  They'll do the right thing, and (as non-males) aren't subject to becoming collateral damage when the failed helicopter parent shows up.



This is one reason why many people won't get involved in a situation.  Don't you think it's a shame that you feel you have to be so careful?

With the vulnerable adult I think many people don't want to get involved for fear they've misread the situation.  Maybe they are ill or maybe they're drunk and liable to lash out at you. Not sure how good I'd be at judging the difference  :-\\

I went to a meeting today about adult services and what we were hearing gave us pause.  It seems that they are "moving in a new direction" when it comes to serving developmentally delayed persons.  They are moving to a "community based model", which sounds pretty much like what they did in the Reagan years with the mentally ill.  They are "scaling down" the use of group homes, which can be very successful when run correctly, and will be relying community based housing, which means staying home with the family, which is nice if you have a family.  More and more delayed adults will be hitting the streets, and having to look for work to move "towards independence".  All these code words are sending ripples of fear through the community of people with special needs adults, but everyone will be affected.

This.

I see a kid in distress, I'm not making eye contact, I'm keeping several meters' distance, and confusing the nearest two or three female strangers by pointing at the lost kid and letting the kid be their problem.  They'll do the right thing, and (as non-males) aren't subject to becoming collateral damage when the failed helicopter parent shows up.

I see an adult freaking out, I'm like "Hey man.  What's up?  Chill out, we'll figure this out.  Let's go on an adventure to find someone who can help you catch up with your friends!  It's 1945?  Where'd ya serve?  Right, once more for (The President|God, King and Country|The Emperor|The Motherland|The Fatherland)", said adventure being a quest to find the nearest mall map and the quickest route to the security office.  Helicopter parents out of the equation, I don't care which side you fought for, but I'm more than willing to roll the dice and relive some history for the ten minutes it'll take to find some help.



Maybe you don't want to be seen in the immediate area where a kid is freaking out but you could still make a call to the authorities to get someone en route to check the kid's welfare.

I watched an episode of "What Would You Do?" that dealt with lost children.  A kid standing on the side walk crying, a lot of people walked by but many women stopped and tried to help and were very comforting to the child.  Men did help but were more standoffish, they never did touch the child but stood close by and called authorities.  They had an "expert" on the show that said that this was to be expected. Women ( for the most part ) have that motherly instinct and even though the men were concerned for the child they were also very cautious not to do anything that might be misconstrued.

So if you see a lost child- stop, stand nearby and make the call. 

My son takes karate and part of his lessons include personal safety...

Knowing parents first and last name ( surprisingly many little kids don't know this ).
Home address and phone numbers ( home and cell ).
What to do in a fire.
What to do if lost.

They tell the kids to:
Look for someone in uniform.
Look for a store employee.
Or
A woman with children, she us more likely to help.

My son takes karate and part of his lessons include personal safety...

Knowing parents first and last name ( surprisingly many little kids don't know this ).
Home address and phone numbers ( home and cell ).
What to do in a fire.
What to do if lost.

They tell the kids to:
Look for someone in uniform.
Look for a store employee.
Or
A woman with children, she us more likely to help.


My father drove cab for years and years, I worked in construction and got to know detail cops, people may not want to hear this, but the last person you want your kid to ask for help is a cop.  This scenario was brought forward when, on Sunday, when searching for her son, the mother saw 4 cops in the train station, at the magazine kiosk, talking.  She, frantic, went up and asked if they had heard about her son, one cop said "yeah, lady, we heard all about it" then turned away.  She went NUTS!  And good for her.

My father drove cab for years and years, I worked in construction and got to know detail cops, people may not want to hear this, but the last person you want your kid to ask for help is a cop.  This scenario was brought forward when, on Sunday, when searching for her son, the mother saw 4 cops in the train station, at the magazine kiosk, talking.  She, frantic, went up and asked if they had heard about her son, one cop said "yeah, lady, we heard all about it" then turned away.  She went NUTS!  And good for her.



Those guys give good cops a bad name. Like I saidmy guys spent hours looking for a guy who  was too tired to take a walk during his group home day trip. The idiot leading the trip told theft to sit down and stay there. Of course he guy got bored and walked away.  We let report calls - cold calls not in progress stuff- hold because our priority was finding this young man and getting him home.  I don't remember what his specific disability was but i know he was incapable of communicating and not familiar with the area.

When I was in high school, I had a friend (actually she still is my friend-just talked to her last weekend) who is an epileptic. At the time, I knew she was but was never with her when she had a seizure. One day when we were getting off the bus, she asked me if I was going to have a cigarette (which was my routine after getting off of the bus) but this day I didn't for some reason I can't remember. As I was walking and telling her my reason, I turned around to see her drop like a stone on the road. My first response was to try to get her off the road but she was a bit on the heavy side and I just couldn't move her. I figured my best bet was just to stand there and watch over her to make sure no one ran over her until she came out of her seizure. Let me describe the road: It was an entrance to our apartment complex. The first couple of feet was divided by the sign to the complex so the entrance & exit were short one ways-she fell in the exit lane. There were several cars (and buses) coming into the complex, starring at this girl lying in the middle of the road and NOT ONE PERSON STOPPED TO ASK IF WE NEEDED HELP!!!!    >:( >:( >:( >:(  There really was nothing they could do-which was why I didn't flag anyone down. After she came out of it, I think I was shaking more than she was-and yes, I DID fire up a cigarette at that point.

But, I just couldn't believe no one stopped.



Cat

When I was in high school, I had a friend (actually she still is my friend-just talked to her last weekend) who is an epileptic. At the time, I knew she was but was never with her when she had a seizure. One day when we were getting off the bus, she asked me if I was going to have a cigarette (which was my routine after getting off of the bus) but this day I didn't for some reason I can't remember. As I was walking and telling her my reason, I turned around to see her drop like a stone on the road. My first response was to try to get her off the road but she was a bit on the heavy side and I just couldn't move her. I figured my best bet was just to stand there and watch over her to make sure no one ran over her until she came out of her seizure. Let me describe the road: It was an entrance to our apartment complex. The first couple of feet was divided by the sign to the complex so the entrance & exit were short one ways-she fell in the exit lane. There were several cars (and buses) coming into the complex, starring at this girl lying in the middle of the road and NOT ONE PERSON STOPPED TO ASK IF WE NEEDED HELP!!!!    >:( >:( >:( >:(  There really was nothing they could do-which was why I didn't flag anyone down. After she came out of it, I think I was shaking more than she was-and yes, I DID fire up a cigarette at that point.

But, I just couldn't believe no one stopped.



Cat


One of my earliest memories is of a woman in our neighborhood who had epilepsy.  She had a seizure in front of our house, I can still see the spilled milk.  In those days there were still some who cautioned you to stay away from "people like that".  Anyway, my mother ran to her and put something under her head to keep her from banging it, and when she came out of it brought her in the house, and gave her some milk to take home.  Forty years later her son told me that he never forgot that day, because so many people wouldn't even talk to his mother, and he remembered the kindness of my mother.  I learned a lesson the day it happened, and another the day he told me that he was still thankful, all those years later, for what, to my mother, was just what you do.

When I was in high school, I had a friend (actually she still is my friend-just talked to her last weekend) who is an epileptic. At the time, I knew she was but was never with her when she had a seizure. One day when we were getting off the bus, she asked me if I was going to have a cigarette (which was my routine after getting off of the bus) but this day I didn't for some reason I can't remember. As I was walking and telling her my reason, I turned around to see her drop like a stone on the road. My first response was to try to get her off the road but she was a bit on the heavy side and I just couldn't move her. I figured my best bet was just to stand there and watch over her to make sure no one ran over her until she came out of her seizure. Let me describe the road: It was an entrance to our apartment complex. The first couple of feet was divided by the sign to the complex so the entrance & exit were short one ways-she fell in the exit lane. There were several cars (and buses) coming into the complex, starring at this girl lying in the middle of the road and NOT ONE PERSON STOPPED TO ASK IF WE NEEDED HELP!!!!    >:( >:( >:( >:(  There really was nothing they could do-which was why I didn't flag anyone down. After she came out of it, I think I was shaking more than she was-and yes, I DID fire up a cigarette at that point.

But, I just couldn't believe no one stopped.



Cat


that wasn't right someone should've helped.  :(

My father drove cab for years and years, I worked in construction and got to know detail cops, people may not want to hear this, but the last person you want your kid to ask for help is a cop.  This scenario was brought forward when, on Sunday, when searching for her son, the mother saw 4 cops in the train station, at the magazine kiosk, talking.  She, frantic, went up and asked if they had heard about her son, one cop said "yeah, lady, we heard all about it" then turned away.  She went NUTS!  And good for her.


I would go nuts too!!

I would still want my kids to look for a cop, fire fighter or an EMT person if they should become lost. 

I would go nuts too!!

I would still want my kids to look for a cop, fire fighter or an EMT person if they should become lost.


Actually, they say an older woman is the best. That's just the way it is. 

Actually, they say an older woman is the best. That's just the way it is.


Hopefully my children are never in the position where they need to look for someone to help them find either my husband or myself but if they are I don't want them to search out and older woman if the is a uniformed officer standing nearby.  I'm not going to argue who is better or worse, the most important thing is that my children trust a cop or a firefighter and feel comfortable approaching them if they need help.

Stuff like that is very rare here in VT.  One time I was going for a sail with my daughter and GD, and realized I had omitted the last turn to the marina, so I drove to that intersection to wait for them.  Every vehicle that passed by, including one driven by an elderly woman, stopped to see if I needed help.

Rule of thumb - if someone needs help, do what you can and tell them to "pass it on"

One time I felt really bad. I was driving (yes, that was in my driving days), there was a car on the other side of the road. This guy was standing in front of it with the hood open and he was holding up jumper cables. I didn't really see him until I had already passed him. I gave him a look like "Sorry." But as I looked in my rear view mirror, someone was stopping. If I hadn't seen that, I probably would have turned around.



Cat

One time I felt really bad. I was driving (yes, that was in my driving days), there was a car on the other side of the road. This guy was standing in front of it with the hood open and he was holding up jumper cables. I didn't really see him until I had already passed him. I gave him a look like "Sorry." But as I looked in my rear view mirror, someone was stopping. If I hadn't seen that, I probably would have turned around.



Cat



See.... I wouldn't have stopped.....classic ploy for kidnap scenario- especially back in the day.... I would've gone to the nearest phone and called hwy patrol or the local law enforcement agency but I wouldn't have stopped.

See.... I wouldn't have stopped.....classic ploy for kidnap scenario- especially back in the day.... I would've gone to the nearest phone and called hwy patrol or the local law enforcement agency but I wouldn't have stopped.



But, this was Vermont.


Cat

But, this was Vermont.


Cat



Um.....people get kidnapped, killed and raped everywhere.....including Vermont!

Um.....people get kidnapped, killed and raped everywhere.....including Vermont!



Sometimes.... in that order!  :D

Um.....people get kidnapped, killed and raped everywhere.....including Vermont!



I know it does. But it is less likely to happen here. Crime in this state is very low compared to just about any other place in the country.



Cat

I know it does. But it is less likely to happen here. Crime in this state is very low compared to just about any other place in the country.



Cat



still not odds I'd be willing to play with...with my luck I'd be stumble into one of those "rare occasions"

This is one reason why many people won't get involved in a situation.  Don't you think it's a shame that you feel you have to be so careful?


Hate it with the passion of a thousand suns.  But as an unmarried white male without a criminal record, I didn't create this hyperlitigious world, I just live in it.


With the vulnerable adult I think many people don't want to get involved for fear they've misread the situation.  Maybe they are ill or maybe they're drunk and liable to lash out at you. Not sure how good I'd be at judging the difference  :-\\


That's a tough call.  As an unmarried white male without a criminal record, I know that if a drunk lashes out at me, the law's on my side.  I even have the option of declining to press charges against the crazy guy. 


Maybe you don't want to be seen in the immediate area where a kid is freaking out but you could still make a call to the authorities to get someone en route to check the kid's welfare.


Life's all about realizing which boldfaced words apply to which situations.  After a certain age, unless you're obviously (preferably bleeding while your attacker is uninjured, and video of you getting your ass kicked has already been uploaded to YouTube by the bystanders :) the victim, it's rarely in your best interest to talk to the police.

Hence the bit about pointing at the nearest female and say "YOU call 911!" 

Not "call 911", not yelling "help".  You have to personally accost an individual (preferably someone unlikely to be regarded as a suspect by virtue of their class/race/sex) in order defeat the bystander effect.  The magic phrases are "YOU call 911, and YOU keep an eye on things while SHE calls 911." 

The antidote to the bystander effect works both ways.  If some random stranger accosts me, of course I'll call 911.  While taking his picture, just in case he's a noncustodial father trying to abduct his kid.  But I'll work with a stranger up to a point, because even the dumbest cop should be able to figure out that the odds of two complete strangers (in our post-9/11 world, "being a stranger" is trivially verifiable by data-mining) deciding, within a matter of moments, to become co-conspirators in a crime-in-progress are essentially zero.

You called 911 on your own initiative?  You're a suspect.

You called 911 because the person in this cellphone pic taken during the 911 call asked you to?  He's the suspect :)