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Subject: What's on the Insurgent TV Network?
Written By: DoRitos on 06/27/10 at 9:14 am
What's on the Insurgent TV Network? ITN for Monday, April 1, 2010.
MARTYR STEWART DYING
"Not Worth Dyin' Over". Stew's desire for 72 virgins manifests itself in a vivid dream only to realize that after two months he didn't have anything to look forward to anymore. Drahma 90 Min. TV PG 14 DLV NEW
WILD WILD WEST BANK
"The Night of Terror at Bar Mitzvah". Bebe Rebozo, Shemp Fine. Happy hour at a favorite watering hole, "The Bar Mitzvah", turns ugly when drunks eating pork enter a synagogue and try to perform a circumcism on a mime. The mime attempts to call 911 on his cell phone but is frustrated when he doesn't realize the 911 emergency line is not equipped to handle text messaging. Action/Adventure 60 Min TV PG-14 DLSVB NEW
CROSSING JORDAN
"Allah King's Horses". A bomb at the Jordanian Embassy explodes during a state dinner dismembering and maiming dozens. Nigel and Bug have the task of trying to put all the pieces back together. Drahma 60 Min. TV PG 14 DLV
ALLAH MY CHILDREN
Osama Bin Laden, Omar Sharif. Bin Laden goes for the Guinness world's record for having fathered the most illegitimate children ever. Documentary 60 Min. PG (Prego)
MY FAVORITE MARTYR
"Amin is From Mars". Hafass Asodomi, Sodum Aiyam. Uncle Martin tries to get his name removed from the "No Fly List". Sit Com 30 Min. TV PG 13
ALLAH IN THE FAMILY
"Sunni be a Shiite than Shinola" Carroll O'Maliqi, Vizine Sheik Al Tani. When the power fails Achmed is stuck on an elevator with a Sunni who in Achmed's opinion doesn't know Shiite from shinola. 30 Min TV PG-13 Soap NEW
ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A THIRD HERD TURD?
Yef Foqswari. Contestants match wits against Imams and Mullahs on Madrasah level Koran questions that any ten year old Madrasah student could answer. 30 Min. Game Show. TV G NEW
BEL-ARABS (THE MOVIE)
Afghani hillbillies who find themselves very wealthy after giving up Bin Laden for the reward are relocated to the U.S. and buy a mansion in Bellaire. Granny nearly gets the airliner the family is on splashed by Homeland Security when she decides to cook a goat onboard on a trip back home to see relatives. Comedy 2:45 TV PG-13
ARABIAN IDOL
Simon Sez, Paul Al Abdul. Contestants jockey for position in the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade in a musical competition looking for the best voice for "call to prayer" over a grossly distorted PA system. Reality 60 Min. TV G
THE SADDAMS FAMILY
Tariq Aziz, Robert Baghdadi. "Chemical Change". Uncle Chemi moves into a haunted house where Saddam and his sons Oudi and Qusai have taken up residence since after their deaths. Even satan wouldn't have them, saying that "their presence in Hell would only drive up property values and besides they'd probably love Fridays". Stripped of any and all access to chemical weaponry Uncle Chemi resigns himself to sitting on the sofa all day long and lighting his farts which is starting to wear thin on Saddam's nerves. TV-MA DLSV 60 Min. Comedy
THE ALLAH-MO 1960
Yon Vain, Ken Curtistan. 124 Kurdish militia men are hold up at a Mosque with a large contingent of the Republican Guard of Iraq's Saddam Hussein, surrounding them in this epic saga. Over 4,000 members of the guard took three months and sixteen days to route the Kurds from their Mosque turned fortress. Less than half the strength of the guard was present for the siege because only six pick-up trucks were available to transport them to the scene of the siege. Some months later the Kurds finally win their autonomy when Saddam's troops who were caught with their Republican guard down during which the Democratic Party finally staged a bloodless coup and ousted the dictator and all of his henchmen bearing forth the famous slogan "I am never forgetting Allah-mo". PG-TV-14 4:35
SHAH HIDE
Clint Mideastwood, Robert Kabul. "Incident at the Dead Sea". Camelboys drive a herd of goats from Bumfugh Eqypt to Timbuktu. Led by a guide named "Hey Soos" he leads them to water for the thirsty herd to the Dead Sea never realizing that the body of water contains large amounts of salt. As the herd perishes they miss a golden opportunity to preserve the meat with salt, since it is against their teachings to have anything to do with swine they have never heard of salt pork. G-TV G 30 Min. Western.
ARABIAN JUSTICE
Host Bill Kurtistani. "Cruel and Unusual". What seems cruel and unusual to the average westerner is commonplace among Muslim nations. What the westerner deems fun is an atrocity to his mid-east counterpart as was the case of the sexcapades of Abu Graib prison. In 1997 Syrian born derelict Sodam Insein was made to eat pork rinds while sitting on a prayer rug that was soiled with urine - his crime? Wiping his butt with his right hand then offering that hand to Muqtada al-Sadr. Insein was immediately arrested when al-Sadr asked him what kind of sheeshe are you handing me? Insein says he's here for justice but commented that this is all that is here "just us". TV-MA SDLVB 30 Min. Reality.
THIRD 'RAQ FROM THE SUNNI
Yon al Ithqawwi, Simbi Khali. "AddaDICKtomy". Radical fundamentalist females shed their burkas and grow facial hair by applying hair regeneration therapy to their faces in a bid for equal rights in the Muslim world starting a sheeshe storm among the clerics of the region. TV-PG-14 Documentary.
JERICHO
Yerald al Ramsi, Ali Qopallah. "I don't wish to dirt my hands". An undetonated nuclear device is found outside of Jericho, Kansas as dirty bombs and nukes are the fair of the day when radical fundamentalists hatch a plot on pig farmers in the Midwest and other agricultural areas in an effort to rid the free world of its pork causing Congress to abandon pork barrel spending which actually helps the U.S. economy. TV-PG 60 Min. Comedy.
KATE AND ALI
Hain Qurtinisdad, Ali Smith-Habeeb. "The Mother of Allah Days". When Kate pays a surprise visit to her estranged mother on Mother's day accompanied by her mid-eastern husband whom Kate's mother is meeting for the first time erupts in the mother of all family feuds when Ali insists upon having his goats sleep in the guest bedroom with him and Kate. TV-PG 30 Min. Comedy.
THIS WEEK ON WALID STREET WITH SHEIK YAMUNNI
An in-depth look at the illegal arms trade industry and how investors are fairing in the market. In-depth interviews with top arms marketeers, the week's DOWDI averages and commentaries. TV-G-8 60 Min. Economic News. Live.
CANDID CAMEL
Ali al Funt, Dinah Mideastwood. Every peoples being catched doing stupid infidel hyjinks such as catching with fire while try to burn American flags and some such other dumb-ass things. TV-G 60 Min. For Really Happens.
TWO AND A HALF AMINS
Charlie Asheen, Yon Qryeeri. PILOT. Three brothers all named Amin live together in an efficiency apartment even though they are all named the same, their personalities are all very unique. Everyone has trouble addressing one individual brother since they are all called Amin. Their mother circumvented this problem early on by simply calling them by their last names. The youngest brother lost his legs to a land mine mishap thus making the half brother given to the name of the show. TV-PG-14 30 Min. Comedy.
OPEN SESAME STREET
Ali Babah, Forty Thieves. The antics of dozens of one handed thieves take notoriety in this family favorite classic. TV-G-Y7 1:30 Animated.