On a local news show one morning a traffic accident was covered that occurred overnight.  The newscaster reported that "an unidentified man was listed in undetermined condition at Memorial Hospital after an overnight one car accident".  Then they moved on to the next story.  Ohhhhh-K.

The local news here once did a story on Seagulls and how they populate parking lots of fast food restaurants

Seagulls and pigeons are just rats with wings.  And yes that is quite a stupid news snip.

A guy finds garbage,collects it and saves it.  ::) :P

An angry stingy neighbor shoots neighbor for stealing his trash.  The unidentified man is in undetermined condition at a local area hospital.

Just about anything on Bill O'Reilly.



Cat

a news caster reporting on a fatal car accident segued into the next story by saying... "shifting gears"  I thought that was a dumb ass thing to do...  (and for the record Doritos this unidentifed man was determined dead...)

a news caster reporting on a fatal car accident segued into the next story by saying... "shifting gears"  I thought that was a dumb ass thing to do...  (and for the record Doritos this unidentifed man was determined dead...)


So then I Could then surmise that he was either alone or with someone?

;D

Weather reports:

"Tonight will be 65* with partly cloudy skies and there is a chance of rain ".

Wow! A chance of rain! How specific!

I've seen worse but I tend to purge that stuff out of my head to avoid brain damage.

The Santa 'flight path' reports are pretty bad too. If you're going to blatantly tell BS as news, you might as well go all the way:

"The weather at the North Pole is -3* and clear, perfect weather for Christmas. The FAA has cleared Santa for launch and 24 hour unlimited use of US airspace with no restrictions.

Now for financial news: the price per tooth as listed by Tooth Fairy, Inc (NYSE: TFI) jumped 16 cents today to an even $3.00 per unit.

At a conference in Amsterdam, the evil spirits of Halloween discussed plans to balance the holiday with more "trick" and less "treat". Talks had been at a standstill since last Halloween.

In celebrity news: The Easter Bunny has gone on strike. This comes days after her second arrest for DUI. Rumor has it she has returned to her home, The Bunny Ranch. Mrs. Bunny's attourney could not be reached for comment."

Ant

Weather reports:

"Tonight will be 65* with partly cloudy skies and there is a chance of rain ".

Wow! A chance of rain! How specific!

I've seen worse but I tend to purge that stuff out of my head to avoid brain damage.

The Santa 'flight path' reports are pretty bad too. If you're going to blatantly tell BS as news, you might as well go all the way:

"The weather at the North Pole is -3* and clear, perfect weather for Christmas. The FAA has cleared Santa for launch and 24 hour unlimited use of US airspace with no restrictions.

Now for financial news: the price per tooth as listed by Tooth Fairy, Inc (NYSE: TFI) jumped 16 cents today to an even $3.00 per unit.

At a conference in Amsterdam, the evil spirits of Halloween discussed plans to balance the holiday with more "trick" and less "treat". Talks had been at a standstill since last Halloween.

In celebrity news: The Easter Bunny has gone on strike. This comes days after her second arrest for DUI. Rumor has it she has returned to her home, The Bunny Ranch. Mrs. Bunny's attourney could not be reached for comment."

Ant


chuckles  ;D

Applaud.

Weather reports:

"Tonight will be 65* with partly cloudy skies and there is a chance of rain ".

Wow! A chance of rain! How specific!

I've seen worse but I tend to purge that stuff out of my head to avoid brain damage.

The Santa 'flight path' reports are pretty bad too. If you're going to blatantly tell BS as news, you might as well go all the way:

"The weather at the North Pole is -3* and clear, perfect weather for Christmas. The FAA has cleared Santa for launch and 24 hour unlimited use of US airspace with no restrictions.

Now for financial news: the price per tooth as listed by Tooth Fairy, Inc (NYSE: TFI) jumped 16 cents today to an even $3.00 per unit.

At a conference in Amsterdam, the evil spirits of Halloween discussed plans to balance the holiday with more "trick" and less "treat". Talks had been at a standstill since last Halloween.

In celebrity news: The Easter Bunny has gone on strike. This comes days after her second arrest for DUI. Rumor has it she has returned to her home, The Bunny Ranch. Mrs. Bunny's attourney could not be reached for comment."

Ant



Ant  Where do you get your news?  Maybe from this guy?

http://falkrichter.com/img/f1070384859771.jpg

Just heard this on a cable news channel - "It's the bottom of the hour and time for the top of the news".  :)

Just heard this on a cable news channel - "It's the bottom of the hour and time for the top of the news".   :)




::) That's not stupid.

I just read this morning that a five year old and a nine year old used a gift card to pick a neighbor's lock. They stole some presents that were on a table. Their aunt figured out what had happened, told their mom, and she called the police.

What I want to know is how the hell a five year old and a nine year old learned how to pick a lock with a card. :D

Just heard this on a cable news channel - "It's the bottom of the hour and time for the top of the news".  :)



How about "Tomorrow on Today" or "Yesterday on Today".  :D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

Once I read about some small town in Texas where some boob was trying to get the city council to pass an ordinance requiring people to greet each other using the word "heaven-o" instead of "hello," because the word "hello" has "hell" in it.  ::)

Now what the heaven were they thinking!?  >:(

Once I read about some small town in Texas where some boob was trying to get the city council to pass an ordinance requiring people to greet each other using the word "heaven-o" instead of "hello," because the word "hello" has "hell" in it.  ::)


Yeah - If its weird like that, they always blame it on Texas.   ;)  Spaff.com says that the Mormons out in Utah use the term "Oh my heck" and he has incorporated it into several of his parodies.  And is that THE "Rice Cube" above me who wrote parodies with Watt Daddy on amiright?  Or are you some other Rice Cube?

I am indeed that Rice Cube :)

:)    Happy New Year Mr. Cube.  Long time no see.  You still writing parody?  As I recall you and Watt Daddy put out some mighty fine parody.  You can find me in 10TH place from the top on the amiright authors list if you have not figured out who I am by now.  And Happy New Year to you sir.  Give this URL a listen.  Sure to please on New Year's Eve...  It's really quick  -  about 15 seconds.  You'll need to copy and paste to browser for it to work.  There is an anti link built into the site it came from so scripting the link does not work from this forum and clicking the link will not get you there either..

:D  http://www.seahaas.com/wacky/oldlangz.wav  ;D

Ah, happy New Year to you as well :D

We haven't written a parody in years...too busy.  Lots of ideas floating around though.

Once I read about some small town in Texas where some boob was trying to get the city council to pass an ordinance requiring people to greet each other using the word "heaven-o" instead of "hello," because the word "hello" has "hell" in it.  ::)


That's really dumb.  ::)

That's really dumb.  ::)


Oh my heck - it is!

Oh my heck - it is!



It's only part of a greeting.

It's only part of a greeting.


The "oh my heck" ref was meant to mean that it is indeed a dumb idea.  See some of Spaff.coms parodies - he penned that expression into several of his parodies.

This week, I heard a news story on the radio about a woman who used her size 20 knickers to put out a fire. Her chip pan caught fire and she didn't have a fire extinguisher. Thankfully her nephew pointed out a basket full of clean laundry so the woman picked up her knickers, dowsed them in water and put the fire out. That's an unusual way to put ut a fire but I'd rather use a fire blanket.

Brittney Spears taken away to a psychiatric ward. ;D

A small town in Tennessee paasing a city ordinance that banned people from getting jobs or going to them if they smelled.

This one probably isn't in the news except in LA.  For celebrations, some of the locals celebrate by shooting bullets into the air.  They are slowly being convinced that what goes up must come down...and usually huting someone.