I walked into work today, that down, turned on my computer, and thtarted working.  Later, an hour or tho, I thought to mythelf "ahhh, I don't want to get out of bed! I'm tired! Maybe I'll take a thick day!".... but I wath already here...


:o  thpooky!!!!   8-P

All the time!

for about the last week, this has been in the top 5 works of art that have gotten me through life.

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/i_was_too_gone_to_go_to_work

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/character4.article.jpg

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been trying to keep myself dry in the sheeshstorm, you know? First of all, I finally had to wash my car. Now, if it was a nice machine, I would take good care of it and keep her looking fine, but it's just my beater Festiva, and I could give a crap how dirty it gets. I mean, I ain't sitting on it, I'm sitting in it. But it got covered with this sticky crap. I have no idea what it was, but I couldn't open the door or hang my arm out the window without getting it all over me.

On top of that, I decided that I was spending way too much money on beer, so I decided to switch to whiskey, only whiskey made me want to punch people. Not in a "bust you open" way, but in a "You gotta check out what this feels like!" way. In any case, when I woke up with a swollen lip one morning, I decided I needed make the switch back to ice-cold Miller Genuine Draft. Definitely more mellow.

I would probably quit drinking everything if I could find a reliable source for weed. Luckily, it's been regular lately. My guy says it's from Canada or Idaho. Wherever it is, they must be growing it in Jägermeister or something, because this sheesh is strong!

I was supposed to go in first thing to the big TV and appliance place yesterday, 'cause I was covering a morning shift for Kenny, who covered for me last month so I could go celebrate the fifth birthday of my hangout bar, the Gamey Doe, where they were having two- for-one Millers and free wings all night. I done early shifts before, and it sucks. There aren't a lot of people, so mostly you gotta just unload stuff from the trucks and dust the shelves. I thought I would just tap my stash and head in.

Now, usually, I don't have any problem going in to work stoned. In fact, I mostly go to work stoned, and after an hour or so, I duck out back with a couple guys to split a joint, hang out on the floor for another few hours, then it's out back one more time before I clock out. It helps me not to lose my sheesh when some dude comes up to me and asks where the flat-screen TVs are when we're both standing right in front of them.

But with this weed, it was different. I took two hits from my bowl and spent the next 20 minutes looking for my keys, when they were in my hand the whole time. That was not a great sign. It's not like I was worried I wouldn't do a good job, 'cause I just don't give a sheesh, even when I'm straight. I don't know the first thing about surround sound, but if someone asks, I gotta tell them something. But this time I started to get all paranoid. What if the customer figured out that I was high, and they talked to the manager?

Back in the day, that was the worst that would happen to you. Now, you have to worry about people with cell phones calling the cops. What if they did that? There was no way I was going to put myself in that situation. Jim Anchower don't need the cops crawling up his chute over a pissed-off customer. So I decided I should call in sick before anyone got to work, so I could leave a message and go back to bed.

I'm not sure, but I think I said something about a sore throat. I only remember trying not to stop talking. I tend to clam up when I've been smoking the sticky icky, and I didn't want to leave a five-minute message where I wasn't saying nothing. So I just remember talking a lot.

Next thing I know, my phone's ringing. I just sat there, waiting for it to stop, but it kept on going for like 15 rings before they finally gave up. "Okay," I thought. "I'm off the hook." Then it rings again. And I knew that it was work and they knew I was high. So I decided that I had to answer that phone and tell them I was sick.

But by the time I thought all this through and picked it up, I just got a dial tone. If I didn't call back right then, I knew they were gonna get the cops over there because I was high and missed my shift. I dialed, but I got a wrong number. That freaked me out. I got out my wallet real fast and checked the number, then dialed again. It was the right one. I got my manager, who said that he didn't call, but they should be fine today. I clammed up like I usually do, and the manager told me that I must be sick, so go back to bed.

That night, when I was more relaxed, I called one of my coworkers to see what I missed, and found out that someone brought in donuts. I was pissed, because it's like they only bring donuts in when I'm not there or I'm late and all the best donuts are gone.

Meanwhile, Kenny is pissed. He says that because I never worked his shift, I still owe him one. That is straight balony. There was nothing stopping him from calling in sick for my shift. But if he's going to be a baby about it, I guess I'll pick up another one for him. The sheesh I gotta do to keep people happy.

I must have had a memory lapth, for I just realised the siganture above.

I must have had a memory lapth, for I just realised the signature above.
oops. i have to delete a post now.

actually, two.  ;)

What's a lapth?

What's a lapth?




I think he meant lapse.  ;D

I walked into work today, that down, turned on my computer, and thtarted working.  Later, an hour or tho, I thought to mythelf "ahhh, I don't want to get out of bed! I'm tired! Maybe I'll take a thick day!".... but I wath already here...


:o  thpooky!!!!  8-P


Man Bill when your computer starts lisping its really time to see the dentist...  ;D

I walked into work today, that down, turned on my computer, and thtarted working.  Later, an hour or tho, I thought to mythelf "ahhh, I don't want to get out of bed! I'm tired! Maybe I'll take a thick day!".... but I wath already here...


:o  thpooky!!!!   8-P
whoa Bill! ya gotta stop lisping.  I can't make out what you're saying.  ;D

What's a lapth?


You can only lapth?

I had a lapth dancth before

"I'll have the lapth waltz we you, two lonely people...."

I have been walking lapth around the blockth

Who is going lapthland for Christmas?

What's a lapth?




I think he poths wiff a lithp.

Why not have a bapth at bapth time?

I think he poths wiff a lithp.


;D What?  ???

"his thenis ith thuck in my thraces!!"

"his thenis ith thuck in my thraces!!"


Go thuck yourthelf!  ;D

I've taken lapth arounth the pool before

I've taken lapth arounth the pool before


What about pissthed in itth? ;D

What about pissthed in itth? ;D


Nah, that's despicthible

http://users.bigpond.net.au/jellery/angry_daffy_duck.gif

Q: What's faster than the speed of light?
A: Diahrrea.  Why?  Because by the time you get into the bathroom and turn the light on, you've already crapped your pants

:D

for about the last week, this has been in the top 5 works of art that have gotten me through life.

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/i_was_too_gone_to_go_to_work

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/character4.article.jpg

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been trying to keep myself dry in the sheeshstorm, you know? First of all, I finally had to wash my car. Now, if it was a nice machine, I would take good care of it and keep her looking fine, but it's just my beater Festiva, and I could give a crap how dirty it gets. I mean, I ain't sitting on it, I'm sitting in it. But it got covered with this sticky crap. I have no idea what it was, but I couldn't open the door or hang my arm out the window without getting it all over me.

On top of that, I decided that I was spending way too much money on beer, so I decided to switch to whiskey, only whiskey made me want to punch people. Not in a "bust you open" way, but in a "You gotta check out what this feels like!" way. In any case, when I woke up with a swollen lip one morning, I decided I needed make the switch back to ice-cold Miller Genuine Draft. Definitely more mellow.

I would probably quit drinking everything if I could find a reliable source for weed. Luckily, it's been regular lately. My guy says it's from Canada or Idaho. Wherever it is, they must be growing it in Jägermeister or something, because this sheesh is strong!

I was supposed to go in first thing to the big TV and appliance place yesterday, 'cause I was covering a morning shift for Kenny, who covered for me last month so I could go celebrate the fifth birthday of my hangout bar, the Gamey Doe, where they were having two- for-one Millers and free wings all night. I done early shifts before, and it sucks. There aren't a lot of people, so mostly you gotta just unload stuff from the trucks and dust the shelves. I thought I would just tap my stash and head in.

Now, usually, I don't have any problem going in to work stoned. In fact, I mostly go to work stoned, and after an hour or so, I duck out back with a couple guys to split a joint, hang out on the floor for another few hours, then it's out back one more time before I clock out. It helps me not to lose my sheesh when some dude comes up to me and asks where the flat-screen TVs are when we're both standing right in front of them.

But with this weed, it was different. I took two hits from my bowl and spent the next 20 minutes looking for my keys, when they were in my hand the whole time. That was not a great sign. It's not like I was worried I wouldn't do a good job, 'cause I just don't give a sheesh, even when I'm straight. I don't know the first thing about surround sound, but if someone asks, I gotta tell them something. But this time I started to get all paranoid. What if the customer figured out that I was high, and they talked to the manager?

Back in the day, that was the worst that would happen to you. Now, you have to worry about people with cell phones calling the cops. What if they did that? There was no way I was going to put myself in that situation. Jim Anchower don't need the cops crawling up his chute over a pissed-off customer. So I decided I should call in sick before anyone got to work, so I could leave a message and go back to bed.

I'm not sure, but I think I said something about a sore throat. I only remember trying not to stop talking. I tend to clam up when I've been smoking the sticky icky, and I didn't want to leave a five-minute message where I wasn't saying nothing. So I just remember talking a lot.

Next thing I know, my phone's ringing. I just sat there, waiting for it to stop, but it kept on going for like 15 rings before they finally gave up. "Okay," I thought. "I'm off the hook." Then it rings again. And I knew that it was work and they knew I was high. So I decided that I had to answer that phone and tell them I was sick.

But by the time I thought all this through and picked it up, I just got a dial tone. If I didn't call back right then, I knew they were gonna get the cops over there because I was high and missed my shift. I dialed, but I got a wrong number. That freaked me out. I got out my wallet real fast and checked the number, then dialed again. It was the right one. I got my manager, who said that he didn't call, but they should be fine today. I clammed up like I usually do, and the manager told me that I must be sick, so go back to bed.

That night, when I was more relaxed, I called one of my coworkers to see what I missed, and found out that someone brought in donuts. I was pissed, because it's like they only bring donuts in when I'm not there or I'm late and all the best donuts are gone.

Meanwhile, Kenny is pissed. He says that because I never worked his shift, I still owe him one. That is straight balony. There was nothing stopping him from calling in sick for my shift. But if he's going to be a baby about it, I guess I'll pick up another one for him. The sheesh I gotta do to keep people happy.


Hahaha. I've got to start reading the Onion more.

All the damn time I'm starting to forget common nouns!  I want to say what something is called and my recall fails me for an instant and I hedge and um, um for a moment to get my point across.  I need vitamin/mineral supplements I think.

All the damn time I'm starting to forget common nouns!  I want to say what something is called and my recall fails me for an instant and I hedge and um, um for a moment to get my point across.  I need vitamin/mineral supplements I think.


If it's consistent, then it could be Deficient Noun Disease, but I think it's normal for people to forget words. I do it all the time.

People also tend to freak out about things that aren't even a big deal; just because they're so sure something has to be wrong with them.

Yea, thanks^  I'm not overly worried by forgetting what I want to say sometimes, tho inconvenient, it probably means I've been working too hard using other words so the links for those basic words gets pushed to the side.  I still might take up vitamins again tho.

Yea, thanks^  I'm not overly worried by forgetting what I want to say sometimes, tho inconvenient, it probably means I've been working too hard using other words so the links for those basic words gets pushed to the side.  I still might take up vitamins again tho.


Maybe. Or it could just be pressure? STAY CALM!! CALM, GOD DAMNIT! >=O

When making tea, there is many a time when I forget to swipth the kettle on.

Nah, that's despicthible

http://users.bigpond.net.au/jellery/angry_daffy_duck.gif


Why does Daffy spit when he talks?  ;D

Why does Daffy spit when he talks?  ;D
Ducks are not known for spitting.

Ducks are not known for spitting.



But he was.

But he was.


Only by you.

I smell like garlic.

Ducks are not known for spitting.
http://totallyabsurd.com/spitting_duck.GIF


Spitting Duck
US Patent Issued In 1999

Some day we're going to run out of trees to make toilet paper and then we'll all be in deep cacadoodoo.  Fortunately there's an inventor who already has a solution, a solution of soap and perfume that is.  The Spitting Duck is designed to fit most toilets and instead of using toilet paper, you lift the duck's bill and a strategically placed nozzle will spray your buttooski with the secret cleaning formula.  Details are sketchy but the dazed look on our ducky friend's face probably comes from sitting too close to the toilet all day.

Guest  06:43:17 PM Viewing the topic Ever have a memory lapth?.

Even Guests have memory paoths too?

Even Guests have memory paoths too?


Impossible! Guests aren't people!

Why does Daffy spit when he talks?  ;D


YOU try saying words with S's and P's without lips (since Daffy has a beak, er...Bill - not the famous one that originated this thread).

"This will the lapth time"

I wonder if anyone is sitting in the lapth of luxury?

YOU try saying words with S's and P's without lips (since Daffy has a beak, er...Bill - not the famous one that originated this thread).


You're dispithicable! ;D

thith ith dithguthting!

thith ith dithguthting!



hahaahah :D ;D

That's all Folksth. ;D

That's all Folksth. ;D
...or

Thapth's all Folksth!

I hate when it happenth.

especially when driving!

I hate when it happenth.

especially when driving!
You have to keep wiping the screen

Is LAPTH an acronym for  Laboratoire d'Annecy-Le-Vieux de Physique Theorique?

Is LAPTH an acronym for  Laboratoire d'Annecy-Le-Vieux de Physique Theorique?
you just now figured that out? :P

you just now figured that out? :P
My memory doepth not lapth that long now.

My memory doepth not lapth that long now.



It doesn'th?

It doesn'th?


You mean doethn't?

You mean doethn't?


You spit too much when you say thatth.

tho i wath driving to work when i thaw a thquirrel that had been hit by a car.  i thought, what a wathte of life.  humanth kill tho many animalth, not justht by hunting, but altho by their everday activitieth.  it wath tho thad.

Howard ith jutht tho cute!

Howard ith jutht tho cute!



Tho are thyou Bill...you thruly are! ;D

Jupth Like Eddie ~ Heinpth

Tho are thyou Bill...you thruly are! ;D



;D  AWWW SHUCKTH! LITTLE OL ME? YOU ARE JUTHT TOO THWEET!!! THANKTH!

He who laupth lapth laupths lapth!

Howard ith jutht tho cute!



No I Isnth.th.th.th....  :P

Pouvez-vous néanmoins lapth dans une langue étrangère?

everyone ith tho thtuck up at my job... nobody talkth to me, ever.  i'm tho lonely in my offith.  i had a memory lapth and everyone laughed at me like i wath thome kind of thrange perthon. :(

true thtory.  when i thneeze, nobody thayth bleth you to me, but they thay it to everyone elth! what ith up with that?? i don't underthtand. it'th tho dithtrething.

true thtory.  when i thneeze, nobody thayth bleth you to me, but they thay it to everyone elth! what ith up with that?? i don't underthtand. it'th tho dithtrething.


Then thtop shneezingth.

Then thtop shneezingth.


it'th not that eathy!  i'm not doing it on purpothe.  it jutht happenth.  i mutht have allergieth.

it'th not that eathy!  i'm not doing it on purpothe.  it jutht happenth.  i mutht have allergieth.


laryngitisth?

laryngitisth?


pothibly

pothibly


coldth?

i'm tho thick of being thick.

Lapth Tupthday!

i'm tho thick of being thick.



Go taketh a thower if you're thick! ::)

Go taketh a thower if you're thick! ::)


don't roll your eyeth at me, thir.  ;)

don't roll your eyeth at me, thir.  ;)


th....th...th...  :P

All I want for Chrith-muth ith my two front teefff
My two front teeff
Gee if I could only have my two front teeff
Then I could wi-tph u a merry chrithmuph chrithmuth

AWWWW

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!  ;D ;D ;D

I almotht forgot about thith thread.  Thee what I mean? I had another memory lapth.  My memory hath been getting worthe ath I'm getting older, approaching 30 in Augutht.  It'th tho thtrange to be thith old.  I thometimeth thtill think I'm juth theven or eight, it theemth.  I gueth I jutht mith being a kid.

It thucks to grow upth...dothen't it? ;D

I had a memory lapth laspth week.

No lapsth this week.

I lauphting all the way to bank!

I walked into work today, that down, turned on my computer, and thtarted working.  Later, an hour or tho, I thought to mythelf "ahhh, I don't want to get out of bed! I'm tired! Maybe I'll take a thick day!".... but I wath already here...


:o  thpooky!!!!   8-P


http://www.focusmag.gr/id/files/48269/cat%20laugh.jpg

;D ;D ;D

I lauphting all the way to bank!


laupthing a loth?

I thouth thith thread died ofth

I thouth thith thread died ofth





I'd forgotten about it.

I'd forgotten about it.
Ith forgothen tooth!

Ith forgothen tooth!


What about your tooth?

He who laughs lathst laffth loudeth  ;D ;D

now me tungthzz twithted

:D

Sometimes I have a short-term memory "lapth".  That, combined with my short-term memory "lapth" makes daily living very difficult.

He who laughs lathst laffth loudeth   ;D ;D

now me tungthzz twithted

:D


fix your tongueth!

He who laughs lathst laffth loudeth   ;D ;D

now me tungthzz twithted

:D
Shakespearean?

http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/1975/bushlibertydj6.jpg
^
Just LOOK at that !  :o  Hey, George Bush .... you're a SICK man !  >:(





Oh ... I forgot I' m thuppothed to be thpeaking with a lithp !  :-http://www.maniacworld.com/george-bush-dunce.jpg

http://www.jiggy.com/cat-images-lg/hu0014t-lg.jpg

http://www.perrspectives.com/images/bush_fool_me.jpg


George Bush ... you're a THick  man !


:D

Buth hath been buthwhacked!  ;D 

Buth hath been buthwhacked!  ;D 




Noth to menth-un .... 'Mith-ter' thwacked !    >:(






:D    ;D

I matherbathed! ;D

^ I do not wipth to know!

^ I do not wipth to know!


Good Choiceth! ;D

Iwas find it hard to speak last night.

Iwas find it hard to speak last night.


You had a memory lapth?

I've forgotten how to speak with a lisp !  :-[



















Nowth I remembeth !  8)



:D

I've forgotten how to speak with a lisp !  :-[




Nowth I remembeth !  8)

:D


it'th difficult thometimeth, ethpecially when you have a memory lapth.  they thay it'th good to try gingko boloba to improve your memory, but i've found that booze doeth the trick ath well.  i jutht drink and drink and then i thtart remembering thingth that never even happened! it'th a miracle.

it'th a miracle.
























http://www.thegolddisc.com/images/Signatureseries/BoyGeorge.jpg
Twooly !  it'th a miracle !

:P

Jutht go to the dentitht and get a good thot of novocaine, you'll have a good memory lapth in no time.

http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Cats/Sylvester.jpg

Thuffering thuccotath!

(My thpell check ith going apethit right now.  :D)

I think so.  I can't remember.

I thort i thaw a puthy cat..i did,  i did thee a puthy cat

I thort i thaw a puthy cat..i did,  i did thee a puthy cat





http://www.ezthemes.com/previews/s/sylvesterthepuddytat.jpg

I thort i thaw a puthy cat..i did,  i did thee a puthy cat


Sipthing in a cagth.

Sipthing in a cagth.


I didn't understand the last one,could you repeat that please? ;D

I didn't understand the last one,could you repeat that please? ;D
Sipthing in a cagth

Sipthing in a cagth


Ok good,Now I understood.  ;D

Ok good,Now I understood.  ;D
Splenthdid!

This thread is stupith.

This thread is stupith.


why, thank you thir.  i thuthpect you think you could come up with thomething better?  well, let'th thee it!  >:(

why, thank you thir.  i thuthpect you think you could come up with thomething better?  well, let'th thee it!  >:(


To be titled 'Theter thiper thicked a theck of thickled thepper' ?

This thread is stupith.
No, it is "Thith threath ith spthupith".

To be titled 'Theter thiper thicked a theck of thickled thepper' ?


Don't be thilly.

Don't be thilly.
Ith becomths nathural for usth!

Ith becomths nathural for usth!


Oh,I seeth.

Oh,I seeth.
Yesth all theth timth

Im tawkin wifa mouf full uv penutbettr right now.

Every time I go to spell several words now, one being guarantee