Per Ant's request I am going to list some of the lame 911 calls as well as lame business calls I get as a police dispatcher.... feel free to share stories of calls you know about or for fun add to list with things people should never call for....

Q: 911 what's your emergency

CALLER: Yeah can you send someone here to help me

Q: Yes ma'am I see you're calling from (location) what exactly do you need?

CALLER: I need to break a $10 so I can buy a parking permit

Q: Ma'am that's not an emergency

CALLER: I have an appointment I can't be late for and I need to get a permit so I won't get a ticket

Q: Ma'am I suggest you drive to the nearest convenience store, ask the next person who passes by or take the chance on getting a parking ticket but I will not send an officer to give you change.

CALLER HANGS UP!  ::)

Per Ant's request I am going to list some of the lame 911 calls as well as lame business calls I get as a police dispatcher.... feel free to share stories of calls you know about or for fun add to list with things people should never call for....

Q: 911 what's your emergency

CALLER: Yeah can you send someone here to help me

Q: Yes ma'am I see you're calling from (location) what exactly do you need?

CALLER: I need to break a $10 so I can buy a parking permit

Q: Ma'am that's not an emergency

CALLER: I have an appointment I can't be late for and I need to get a permit so I won't get a ticket

Q: Ma'am I suggest you drive to the nearest convenience store, ask the next person who passes by or take the chance on getting a parking ticket but I will not send an officer to give you change.

CALLER HANGS UP!  ::)


An Error Has Occurred!
Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours. 

Wow, that's bad. I heard a call to 911 the other day (not sure if it was fake) with a kid asking a question on his homework.

You should never call 911 asking for directions to jail to bail out someone.  ;D

Ant

A student calls the public information to retrieve an item from lost and found but lost and found is closed. The student calls three different business lines including 911 to see if she can get into lost and found after hours (she gets me on every line she calls  ;D)

I explain to her that lost & found has specific hours and the room is alarmed when the office is closed so there is no way that we can get in.

Out of curiousity I ask her what she lost and she tells me its a notebook she lost 3 weeks ago...I ask her if she lost it so long ago why is it so urgent now... She has a final on Monday and forgot to come during the week (for 3 weeks) to pick it up... I apologize and tell her she'll have to borrow a friends' notes.... 15 minutes later her father calls demanding I get his daughter's notebook.  Yeah like daddy has any pull.

An Error Has Occurred!
Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours. 

Wow, that's bad. I heard a call to 911 the other day (not sure if it was fake) with a kid asking a question on his homework.

You should never call 911 asking for directions to jail to bail out someone.  ;D

Ant


Actually that one's real  kids call all the time for help with math or something because they have learned to call 911 when they need help  ;D its kind of cute


We have call boxes that direct dial 911 someone must have told the kid that it was a candy machine because my 911 line rang and the kid who was all of about 2 was on the other end saying

I want CAN~DY! he was cute- I would have pushed the candy dispenser button if there were such a thing.

911

CALLER: I wanna report a crime Jason just puked in my fish tank *CLICK*

Listen to this call

http://www.jibjab.com/view/2388

It's not me but it made the dispatch circuit... you go online and people will say they don't know if its a joke or not

I can tell by the dispatcher's tone that this is a legitimate call.

Enjoy!


I will post more calls later... after 8 years of dispatching I have a million of em! ;D

911

CALLER: There's tar on the beach

Q: A car on the beach?

CALLER: No tar...TAR!

Q: Oh tar- okay you do know that tar on the beach is a common occurance right?

CALLER: No

Q: Well it is btw when did you see this tar?

CALLER: 3 hours ago


For the record...anything you wait three hours to report is not an emergency.

CALLER: There's a pillar in the road

Q: A pillar?

CALLER: Yeah a pillar.

Q: Like a column?  A pillar? P~I~L~L~A~R pillar?

CALLER: Yeah

for the record - we had a lot of construction going on so it could've fallen off a truck...

I dispatch two officers for the pillar

The first officer gets on scene and advises that he's "Code 4 with a PILLOW.

Oh yeah and the caller was a custodian... couldn't he have just picked up the stupid pillow instead of calling it in???

I Saw a show on TV that told of a guy who called 911 to report a crime.  The Pizza Delivery guy didn't deliver his pizza within the time frame they give, and they wouldn't give him the pizza for free

Listen to this call

http://www.jibjab.com/view/2388

It's not me but it made the dispatch circuit... you go online and people will say they don't know if its a joke or not

I can tell by the dispatcher's tone that this is a legitimate call.

Enjoy!


I will post more calls later... after 8 years of dispatching I have a million of em! ;D




Remember the one about the MF'in deer and the MF'in dog?  ;D ;D ;D

http://www.bigducky.com/prank_calls/911.htm

That Deer one is pretty f'ing funny


My friend worked for another agency and she played me a tape of a lady who called 911 for her cat.  She wanted them to come give it oxygen...the cat had been squished under the bed, flat, it was dead.... the dispatcher told her "Ma'am if your cat is dead then I don't think oxygen will help!"  ;D

Would it be appropriate to call 911 if you threw out your back trying to push 12 grocery carts? ???

;D ;D

Would it be appropriate to call 911 if you threw out your back trying to push 12 grocery carts? ???

;D ;D


No,my phone is in my locker so a customer would have to do it.  ;D

Would it be appropriate to call 911 if you threw out your back trying to push 12 grocery carts? ???

;D ;D

only if you want to pay the super high cost of the ambulance transport... something like $25 per mile + plus they charge you for supplies even if you don't use em.  :o 

I'd say get another bagger or a manager to drive you... then again...if the store's policy says its okay to push 12 carts then call the ambulance... the store'll have to pay for it anyway because now its a worker's comp issue!

Has anyone ever called to ask for help to get a cookie out of a jar? :D ;) ;D

Has anyone ever called to ask for help to get a cookie out of a jar? :D ;) ;D


LOL that's have to be one big cookie jar... tho the fire department had to help Beaver Cleaver out of a very large cup of soup!  ;D

Listen to this call

http://www.jibjab.com/view/2388

It's not me but it made the dispatch circuit... you go online and people will say they don't know if its a joke or not

I can tell by the dispatcher's tone that this is a legitimate call.

Enjoy!


I will post more calls later... after 8 years of dispatching I have a million of em! ;D





Dispatcher sounded like my cousin  :)

LOL that's have to be one big cookie jar... tho the fire department had to help Beaver Cleaver out of a very large cup of soup!  ;D


;D

What if we see Black Shadow Figures in our room late at night, can we call 911 to report them?

(see Off Beat Oddities) right above Playful Penguin Place for details

I've always thought it was funny that when there is a power outage in our city, they keep saying on the local news (on TV) "Please do not call 911."    Umm...if the power is out, how are the callers going to see this message on TV? ::)

What if we see Black Shadow Figures in our room late at night, can we call 911 to report them?

(see Off Beat Oddities) right above Playful Penguin Place for details


if it's an intruder definitely call the police otherwise......








http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u31/Jimmy-James-Huggy-bear/Ghostbusters.jpg

I've always thought it was funny that when there is a power outage in our city, they keep saying on the local news (on TV) "Please do not call 911."    Umm...if the power is out, how are the callers going to see this message on TV? ::)



that is pretty funny....its like putting up l"Learn to Read" billboards for the illiterate!  ;D

but on a serious note pls don't call 911 to tell us there's a black out... we already know because

1) our power flickered before the generators kicked in
2) the officer's in the field told us over the radio
3) the computers that monitor building alarms went off
4) we got about 100 before yours telling us so


and guess what...  We are not the power company and our crystal balll is in the shop so we have no friggin' clue when the power will be back on so stop asking us and wait it out like everyone else MORON!!!

Oh I'm sorry I forgot where I was ;)

I think I also saw once in a cell phone owner's manual something like "Please do not call 911 to verify that your phone is activated" and was thinking who the hell would do something like that!??!

I think I also saw once in a cell phone owner's manual something like "Please do not call 911 to verify that your phone is activated" and was thinking who the hell would do something like that!??!



you'd be surprised... actually- if you're on VOIP (Voice over internet phone) its not a bad idea to make sure that you're hooked up to the right agency and they have your correct address....just let them know why you are calling

Never dial 911 and then hang up! Even if you call accidently looking for 411 just let the dispatcher know you called in error. Nothing is more stressful than trying to verify whether a 911 hang up is legit or a mistake. Plus we HAVE to send officers on unverified hang ups so you are denying law enforcement to someone who really needs it when you hang up "because you were too embarrassed to stay on the phone!"  >:(

^can you tell this is one of my pet peeves....

if it's an intruder definitely call the police otherwise......








http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u31/Jimmy-James-Huggy-bear/Ghostbusters.jpg





;D  oh yeah, forgot about them, but not sure if black shadow figures are ghosts.    and if it's an intruder, I'll handle it myself  >:(  and then I'll call the police

I think I've only ever actually called 911 once... I was with my husband, we were on the freeway and I looked up and there was this guy hanging off the side of an overpass, I guess trying to decide whether to jump... so I called 911 and they already knew about it and said they had officers on the way... I guess I've been lucky so far (knock on wood) that that's the only time I've ever felt the need to call 911.

;D  oh yeah, forgot about them, but not sure if black shadow figures are ghosts.    and if it's an intruder, I'll handle it myself  >:(  and then I'll call the police


just remember homicide is only justifiable if the other guy was actually going to hurt you....make sure to put a weapon in his hand before  calling 911  ;) 

;D ;D ;D ;D

I think I've only ever actually called 911 once... I was with my husband, we were on the freeway and I looked up and there was this guy hanging off the side of an overpass, I guess trying to decide whether to jump... so I called 911 and they already knew about it and said they had officers on the way... I guess I've been lucky so far (knock on wood) that that's the only time I've ever felt the need to call 911.



that is fortunate...and very good use of the 911 system Karma to you....

I joke about getting a hundred similar calls but in a true emergency you cannot trust that someone else will call.  Besides you may have more information or a different vantage point.  In a true emergency we welcome multiple calls. If the dispatcher is rude and says we got and hangs up....well they are poorly trained!

just remember homicide is only justifiable if the other guy was actually going to hurt you....make sure to put a weapon in his hand before  calling 911  ;) 

;D ;D ;D ;D






I hope no one ever breaks in, but if some creep were to break in, they will be shown NO MERCY. would shooting them ten times be overdoing it  ;D

I hope no one ever breaks in, but if some creep were to break in, they will be shown NO MERCY. would shooting them ten times be overdoing it  ;D


just make sure to keep an uzi available that way at least you can say you had to shoot ten times... the other guy had an uzi!  ;D

just make sure to keep an uzi available that way at least you can say you had to shoot ten times... the other guy had an uzi!   ;D
hopefully my home and all our homes are safe havens  8)


...you should never call 911 and say you are having a panic or anxiety attack or is that ok?

hopefully my home and all our homes are safe havens  8)


...you should never call 911 and say you are having a panic or anxiety attack or is that ok?


sometimes difficulty breathing comes with panic attacks so yeah that's okay... but if you have calming medication or can breathe into a paper bag and calm down then not really

sometimes difficulty breathing comes with panic attacks so yeah that's okay... but if you have calming medication or can breathe into a paper bag and calm down then not really
That makes sense becasue a person may be having a serious or life threatening episode.
I had a panic attack at work once about 15 years ago. my 2 work mates took me to Alta Bates hospital in Berkeley, I thought I was having something like a heart attack and hyperventilating which made my stomach & hands cramp up and they gave me a paperbag to breath into. a few minutes late i was calm, and my friends came to look in on me, saw me breathing in the bag and started laughing and stilll to this day we laugh about that scene  ;D

That makes sense becasue a person may be having a serious or life threatening episode.
I had a panic attack at work once about 15 years ago. my 2 work mates took me to Alta Bates hospital in Berkeley, I thought I was having something like a heart attack and hyperventilating which made my stomach & hands cramp up and they gave me a paperbag to breath into. a few minutes late i was calm, and my friends came to look in on me, saw me breathing in the bag and started laughing and stilll to this day we laugh about that scene  ;D


yeah breathing into a paper bag takes away some of your uber coolness... glad you were okay tho...

I had an anxiety attack at work myself....I didn't know it though... I thought I was having a heart attack.  Instead of calling for help over the radio (I didn't want to dispatch the ambulance Code 3) to the dispatch center so I called an officer to relieve me then I went walking around the station trying to find the paramedics...

They gave me so much crap for it...IF YOU THINK YOU"RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND CALL US TO YOU!!!!  I still can't live that one down... I just didn't want to be the plus sized dispatcher dieing at the console...I would have rather died in the parking lot than in my dispatch chair  ;D

What if you see The Boogeyman?

I Saw a show on TV that told of a guy who called 911 to report a crime.  The Pizza Delivery guy didn't deliver his pizza within the time frame they give, and they wouldn't give him the pizza for free
well that's a pretty good reason to call 911, actually.

an ex once called 911 because we'd locked the keys in the car. ::) and once we were housesitting in a nice neighborhood and some kids threw a rock through a window and broke it and ran off. same ex calls 911, reports it as a burglary in progress. within one minute there were literally like a dozen cop cars up and down the block. over a broken window.

What if you see The Boogeyman?




RUN!!!!!

well that's a pretty good reason to call 911, actually.

an ex once called 911 because we'd locked the keys in the car. ::) and once we were housesitting in a nice neighborhood and some kids threw a rock through a window and broke it and ran off. same ex calls 911, reports it as a burglary in progress. within one minute there were literally like a dozen cop cars up and down the block. over a broken window.



Ridiculous!  Although some towns (at least in CA) are affluent enough that the police will "cater" to them! I've heard that in Beverly Hills the officers will put out the trash for residents who are on vacation.

I called 911 twice. The first time was when I was living in San Antonio and someone was trying to break into our apartment-while we were hope & in broad daylight.

The second time was last Saturday. (See "What did you do today-Nov")



Cat

I called 911 twice. The first time was when I was living in San Antonio and someone was trying to break into our apartment-while we were hope & in broad daylight.

The second time was last Saturday. (See "What did you do today-Nov")



Cat


Those are very good reasons to call 911. 

I had no clue... I hadn't looked at that thread before I can't read them all lol)

I am glad Carlos is getting better! Being on the computer is always a good sign!

I called 911 twice. The first time was when I was living in San Antonio and someone was trying to break into our apartment-while we were hope & in broad daylight.

The second time was last Saturday. (See "What did you do today-Nov")



Cat


Glad he's feeling well.

Those are very good reasons to call 911. 

I had no clue... I hadn't looked at that thread before I can't read them all lol)

I am glad Carlos is getting better! Being on the computer is always a good sign!







Glad he's feeling well.



Thanks. I'm glad too.



Cat

Serious question for a minute.  I was a kid when the 911 system was being built out, and the rule I was brought up with was that 911 was only for immediate dangers to life and/or health.  For everything else, you were to call your local PD/Fire/Hospital.

It's been a few decades, and I was surprised to hear that some localities prefer to route non-emergency traffic through the 911 system as well.  Not just IDLHs like "intruder in house", "patient with chest pains", but urgent (but not-IDLH situations) like "Some dude's car is being broken into on XYZ street", or even non-urgent reports of property crimes such as "My car's been broken into, no evidence of a suspect in the vicinity, I just need to file a police report for the insurance company."  I could understand crimes-in-progress being suitable for reporting (there's arguably a danger, even if not immediate, to life/health in a property crime if the owner returns to his car while the bad guy's looting it), but I was surprised to hear of somebody being referred to 911 to get a police report.

Is there any consistency from state to state, county to county, or even department to department for what constitutes a 911-worthy emergency these days?  (Even if I don't know exactly where the line's drawn, it's gotta be way the hell before "Call 911 and ask them!  They'll know!" :)

In Richmond, you are asked to call a local 7 digit tel# for non-emergency, but it's hard to find that number in the phone book  :-\\

Serious question for a minute.  I was a kid when the 911 system was being built out, and the rule I was brought up with was that 911 was only for immediate dangers to life and/or health.  For everything else, you were to call your local PD/Fire/Hospital.

It's been a few decades, and I was surprised to hear that some localities prefer to route non-emergency traffic through the 911 system as well.  Not just IDLHs like "intruder in house", "patient with chest pains", but urgent (but not-IDLH situations) like "Some dude's car is being broken into on XYZ street", or even non-urgent reports of property crimes such as "My car's been broken into, no evidence of a suspect in the vicinity, I just need to file a police report for the insurance company."  I could understand crimes-in-progress being suitable for reporting (there's arguably a danger, even if not immediate, to life/health in a property crime if the owner returns to his car while the bad guy's looting it), but I was surprised to hear of somebody being referred to 911 to get a police report.

Is there any consistency from state to state, county to county, or even department to department for what constitutes a 911-worthy emergency these days?  (Even if I don't know exactly where the line's drawn, it's gotta be way the hell before "Call 911 and ask them!  They'll know!" :)



In Richmond, you are asked to call a local 7 digit tel# for non-emergency, but it's hard to find that number in the phone book  :-\\


Same here, in California, we only want you to dial 911 in the event of an emergency, someone needing immediate medical attention, a crime in progress or just occured minutes ago and we have a chance to catch the culprit.  If the crime has already occurred and there is no suspect description there is little chance of catching the bad guy so its not really an emergency. It is to you but not to us. We have to prioritize our calls and handle the most urgent ones first. If someone broke into your house while you were gone then the call is considered cold and will hold until the other "hot" or in progress calls are handled.

The problem is most people do not know the seven digit phone number for their local agency. I suggest everyone find out what the main number or the main dispatch number is for your local department and program it into your phones.  When you need an officer to take a report call this number.

Some people have both Sheriff's and Police in their towns they will need to find out whos jurisdiction they fall under.

My street is right on the county line so if something happens at my house I call the police but if something happens on the other side of the street I have to call the sheriff's office.

I called 911 last year because I was stuck from the inside in my Parents bedroom with a stuck door. :(

I called 911 last year because I was stuck from the inside in my Parents bedroom with a stuck door. :(


see the 7 digit phone would have come in handy at that moment  ;)

Same here, in California, we only want you to dial 911 in the event of an emergency, someone needing immediate medical attention, a crime in progress or just occured minutes ago and we have a chance to catch the culprit.  If the crime has already occurred and there is no suspect description there is little chance of catching the bad guy so its not really an emergency. It is to you but not to us. We have to prioritize our calls and handle the most urgent ones first. If someone broke into your house while you were gone then the call is considered cold and will hold until the other "hot" or in progress calls are handled.

The problem is most people do not know the seven digit phone number for their local agency. I suggest everyone find out what the main number or the main dispatch number is for your local department and program it into your phones.  When you need an officer to take a report call this number.

Some people have both Sheriff's and Police in their towns they will need to find out whos jurisdiction they fall under.

My street is right on the county line so if something happens at my house I call the police but if something happens on the other side of the street I have to call the sheriff's office.



Our back yard is surrounded by the town offices-including the cop shop, as well as our fire department. I could just go and bang on a window (or throw a rock through it  ;) :D ;D ;D).  The ambulance service is across town.  I thought I had a pic of the back yard to show you but I can't find it.



Cat 

see the 7 digit phone would have come in handy at that moment  ;)


I was very panicky at the time. :o :-\\

I was very panicky at the time. :o :-\\


Claustrophobic? That's a different story

what about a call to 911 if you have fighting snarling cats outside your house in the middle of the night, you know when they sound like a person wailing or crying. that creeps me out. 

what about a call to 911 if you have fighting snarling cats outside your house in the middle of the night, you know when they sound like a person wailing or crying. that creeps me out. 


that is creepy! That's kinda one of the reasons I don't like cats.  sorry Cat, Erin and anyone else I like on this board who I just offended...

um if you truly believe its a human in distress do the obvious but if its cats...turn the hose on em

that is creepy! That's kinda one of the reasons I don't like cats.  sorry Cat, Erin and anyone else I like on this board who I just offended...

um if you truly believe its a human in distress do the obvious but if its cats...turn the hose on em


;D  that's my kind of 911 response

Claustrophobic? That's a different story



No I wasn't claustrophobic,I just wanted to get out.I was locked in.

I have a book called What's the Number for 911, filled with scripts to dumb calls.

I just had a guy call me to tell me there was a loose cat running around outside

I just had a guy call me to tell me there was a loose cat running around outside
that was me  ;D 

that was me  ;D 



:-[  Oops sorry for calling you an idiot before hanging up on you  ;D  (nah I ddin't really do that... but I wanted to!) 

:-[  Oops sorry for calling you an idiot before hanging up on you  ;D   (nah I ddin't really do that... but I wanted to!) 
that was messed up  ;D      I actually have a litle bb gun pistol, that shoots "harmless" plastic bb's thus it's called a soft air gun and I did hit a feline in my backyard right on the butt with it. darn thing was pooping in my yard!  >:( 

that was messed up  ;D      I actually have a litle bb gun pistol, that shoots "harmless" plastic bb's thus it's called a soft air gun and I did hit a feline in my backyard right on the butt with it. darn thing was pooping in my yard!  >:( 



well maybe if you stopped landscaping with kitty litter......  ::)

that was messed up  ;D      I actually have a litle bb gun pistol, that shoots "harmless" plastic bb's thus it's called a soft air gun and I did hit a feline in my backyard right on the butt with it. darn thing was pooping in my yard!  >:( 


=( You should have just hit close to the kitty.

well maybe if you stopped landscaping with kitty litter......  ::)
I don't & the good thing is they haven't been pooping back there anymore.

so 911 was pretting bland today?

except for the suicidal kid yeah

except for the suicidal kid yeah
is the kid still alive?  :o

is the kid still alive?  :o


fortunately yeah

that was messed up  ;D      I actually have a litle bb gun pistol, that shoots "harmless" plastic bb's thus it's called a soft air gun and I did hit a feline in my backyard right on the butt with it. darn thing was pooping in my yard!  >:( 


Shoot it in the eye dude.

I got my dog trained to chase Cats out of the yard, she's never caught one.. but one day..

we got a call about a racoon in the gym before a big basketball game.  My co-worker is a big animal lover and she got mad at me cuz I suggested they open a door and throw a basketball at it... I figured it'd get scared and run outside....problem solved  ;D

fortunately yeah
good job  :)


Shoot it in the eye dude.

I got my dog trained to chase Cats out of the yard, she's never caught one.. but one day..
darn cats better watch out over in your yard, you's ain't playing around  :o

"There is a huge possum in the apartment that I am cleaning and I don't know if it is rabid!" Turned out to be a baby and was just curious. oops did I do that?

No one wanted to be with me...had to make my wish come true.
I wanted to have something...I didn't know what to do.

It seemed like a good idea, and no one else was about.
I stuck my wienie in a bottle, and now I can't get it out!

I just had a guy call me to tell me there was a loose cat running around outside


That's the ASPCA's business not 911.

It scared me! It was also about midnight and the a.s.p.c.a was closed. I got a hold of them the next day and they took care of it. But the poor little thing had to spend the night in the apartment.

No one wanted to be with me...had to make my wish come true.
I wanted to have something...I didn't know what to do.

It seemed like a good idea, and no one else was about.
I stuck my wienie in a bottle, and now I can't get it out!



lol  we've had to send an ambulance for some people who had things stuck in places that they were not intended to go...  :o  ;D

Oh I have a friend that was an EMT for the local fire department. He had some stories to tell. Wow!

Did I tell you about the lady who called us because she saw dog poop on a bike path?

She wanted us to come clean it up because someone might slip in it or.....



wait for it....







a kid could come along and eat it!  ;D ;D ;D how dumb is that kid? Mmm chocolate tastes funny mommy!




The same lady also called because someone was running an RC car outside her apt. and it was going WRRRR! WRRRR! WRRRR! I love that she did the sound effects.

She also called cuz someone moved her patio furniture...  they didn't steal it it was just in a different position than she remembered.

Oh I understand. I had a one of my tenants call because she could not get a jar opened.

Wow ^that's bad!!!

Buddy of mine once had to call for an ambulance.....

He & his girlfriend were having sex.
She was thin as a rake, and her hip bones apparently jutted out like sword hilts.
He went a little too hard, and impaled himself on her hip bones.

She, in turn, went into what I call the "Ziplock Effect".
They had to load the both of them onto the gurney in the impaled position.

*shudder*

Did I tell you about the lady who called us because she saw dog poop on a bike path?

She wanted us to come clean it up because someone might slip in it or.....



wait for it....







a kid could come along and eat it!  ;D ;D ;D how dumb is that kid? Mmm chocolate tastes funny mommy!




The same lady also called because someone was running an RC car outside her apt. and it was going WRRRR! WRRRR! WRRRR! I love that she did the sound effects.

She also called cuz someone moved her patio furniture...  they didn't steal it it was just in a different position than she remembered.





Now why did that kid eat poop?  ::) 8-P

True story:

I lived in Sparks, NV. at the time-

One night after work, a bunch of us went over to the Reno Hilton, to blow off steam.
We had to park in the gront parking lot, because the back was full.
There was a huge crowd of people, two ambulances, and cops keeping everyone at bay.

As we got closer, they were hauling out this poor devil on a gurney.
The fellow appeared to be in his mid-40s or so, and he was screaming profusely.
He was also trying to hold his genitals, which were bleeding profusely.
Curious, we asked what had happened.

Seems that this guy was in the Men's Room, and went to sit down on the toilet.
Somehow, when he went to sit down, his testicles flipped up under the seat ring, and he sat down heavily enough that he crushed his testes like eggs on a sidewalk.

.....Needless to say, it took me a LONG time to ever use a casino bathroom again.

has anyone linked to this yet?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jF-yU7Rq2XQ

that is too cute! Kind of reminds me of something I did at about 4.

Okay here is one of the Horror Stories that my EMT friend told me.

911 got a call that he responded to (Kinda the weenie in a bottle story from Hawk only different):

A woman was feeling a little um shall we say needy.
She had a glass Coke bottle and started using it as a dildo.
It was empty and the lid was off. It started a suction that started pulling her female organs into it.
The EMT's had to freeze the bottom of the bottle and break it to release the suction.

Too funny Wayne!

Thanks for the link Tia... I had heard the tape in a class at the dispatch academy before but love to hear it again... that mom is funny!

Wow Melissa! That's quite the story... the one I heard of involved a more commonly used battery operated device stuck in the rear orifice 

Oh I have a few more Horror stories that I will post at later points. This one is just to digest.

that is too cute! Kind of reminds me of something I did at about 4.

Okay here is one of the Horror Stories that my EMT friend told me.

911 got a call that he responded to (Kinda the weenie in a bottle story from Hawk only different):

A woman was feeling a little um shall we say needy.
She had a glass Coke bottle and started using it as a dildo.
It was empty and the lid was off. It started a suction that started pulling her female organs into it.
The EMT's had to freeze the bottom of the bottle and break it to release the suction.




You might want to tell your friend that he needs to contact Snopes so they can change THIS.

reminds me of this.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sI8Sus_KRpY

"i got his feefis fook in my fraces!"

has anyone linked to this yet?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jF-yU7Rq2XQ


calling 911 for a Math Problem?  ;D ::)

calling 911 for a Math Problem?  ;D ::)



in his defense he needed help and his mom told him to dial 911 whenever he needed help...she shoulda been more specific but hey at least we know he listens to his mom!  ;D

Someone legitimately reposessing your vehicle....not stealing, no matter how unfair it may seem.

in his defense he needed help and his mom told him to dial 911 whenever he needed help...she shoulda been more specific but hey at least we know he listens to his mom!  ;D



THAT wasn't an emergency. ::)

THAT wasn't an emergency. ::)
hey! if she hadn't gotten that homework done it could have resulted in a black mark on her report card that could have followed her around for the rest of her life! at least that's what they always used to tell me in elementary school.

hey! if she hadn't gotten that homework done it could have resulted in a black mark on her report card that could have followed her around for the rest of her life! at least that's what they always used to tell me in elementary school.



She should've called Homework Hotline. ::)

Listen to this call

http://www.jibjab.com/view/2388

I can tell by the dispatcher's tone that this is a legitimate call.



;D ;D ;D  "No, Ma'am, I'm not sending a deputy out over a cheeseburger--"  ;D ;D ;D

Wow.  Sometimes I wonder just how many frontal lobotomies are out there--  :D

hey! if she hadn't gotten that homework done it could have resulted in a black mark on her report card that could have followed her around for the rest of her life! at least that's what they always used to tell me in elementary school.


The pressure could cause her to drop out and become involved in the black market, resulting in her selling children to people who'll raise them up to be terrorists. I'd say that is an emergency.

THAT wasn't an emergency. ::)


no it wasn't an emergency but the mom didn't say call 911 for emergencies call 911 for help....the kid called for help.  ;D

hey! if she hadn't gotten that homework done it could have resulted in a black mark on her report card that could have followed her around for the rest of her life! at least that's what they always used to tell me in elementary school.


aw come on the kid was only four it wasn't even his homework but his brothers... he was an ambitious little thing... I wouldn't have minded that call...  ;D

The "Cheeseburger Incident" was just flat-out ridiculous.

The "Math Call" was indeed cute, and I have to admit, when it comes to helping out, I hope my daughter learns to trust the Police more than I do.

Seems that this guy was in the Men's Room, and went to sit down on the toilet.
Somehow, when he went to sit down, his testicles flipped up under the seat ring, and he sat down heavily enough that he crushed his testes like eggs on a sidewalk.


http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/6521/idiocracytv2av2.jpg

Guy coulda been a TV star!

^i love that movie. first genuinely subversive film in a generation. 8)

What about if by accident like in the film American Pie where the kid used Superglue instead of lotion and by accident got his fingers stuck,Should you call 911?  ;D

What about if by accident like in the film American Pie where the kid used Superglue instead of lotion and by accident got his fingers stuck,Should you call 911?  ;D


I think once his friends stopped laughing they could just drive him to the ER.....remember, riding in an ambulance is expensive.

...For when you're choking on a ding-dong, like my brother did some 20 years ago. I called him and asked if he wanted us to bring him anything home and he said he was choking on a Ding-Dong, and I started laughing when I told my mom. She then got on the phone and he told her he called 911. The fact is, he was talking - so he was okay  ;D

Idiocracy!

...For when you're choking on a ding-dong, like my brother did some 20 years ago. I called him and asked if he wanted us to bring him anything home and he said he was choking on a Ding-Dong, and I started laughing when I told my mom. She then got on the phone and he told her he called 911. The fact is, he was talking - so he was okay  ;D


lol I once started choking on Pork rinds while driving.. It was very scary I could feel the mush expanding in my throat. I pulled over and was able to pull some out with my finger and cough up the rest... I don't eat them anymore....

Anyone ever hear the call about the guy who had accidently winked off with Krazy Glue, and got it stuck to his stomach?

Anyone ever hear the call about the guy who had accidently winked off with Krazy Glue, and got it stuck to his stomach?


lol no I have dealt with some dumb asses...but not that dumb.

what about if some guy calls because he's had an erection that's lasted longer than 4 hours.  on the side of the bottle it says to seek immediate medical help    have you ever gotten that as a 911 call?  ???
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lol no I have dealt with some dumb asses...but not that dumb.

I'll have to see if I can actually find that call.....

Anyone ever hear the call about the guy who had accidently winked off with Krazy Glue, and got it stuck to his stomach?


Were they women EMTs? ;D

Anyone ever hear the call about the guy who had accidently winked off with Krazy Glue, and got it stuck to his stomach?


Yes, I too have watched American Pie.

Yes, I too have watched American Pie.



So why did he think it was baby oil? ??? ::)

So why did he think it was baby oil? ??? ::)


I dunno, cus he was a gimp? Honestly Howard, I have no further input on the matter.

Dispatcher:911.  "What's the address of your emergency"?

Caller: "Can I give you my credit card number over the phone to pay on my warrant"?

Dispatcher: "What's the offense"?

Caller:  "Credit card fraud".

Yes, I too have watched American Pie.

I'm sure that you watched "Reservoir Dogs", too.

However, what I was referring to was an actual call, where this was the case.

This isn't 911 related but it is police related.  My boss told me that his cousin got a parking ticket.  He thought he's be cute and fax pics of the money to pay the fine.  He did so and mailed it.  A few days later the police responded in kind with a return letter with a faxed image of a pair of hand cuffs.  Needless to say he promply paid that fine.  What was he thinking?  They could have turned him over to the treasury dept for counterfeiting.  Good thing the person on the other end had a sense of humor.  ;D

"Hello 911?  I'd like to make a noise complaint.  My neighbour has bad diahrrea and I can hear him crapping in his house and it's keeping me awake"

"Hello 911?  I'd like to make a noise complaint.  My neighbour has bad diahrrea and I can hear him crapping in his house and it's keeping me awake"



Tell him to keep quiet. ;D

hijacking a thread.

Somebody cussing.


    ???

I'm serious. 10 years ago, my crazy neighbor called the cops because this kid said the F word!


I hate it when people waste our time with shi... I mean stuff....


the other day  I heard a call go out for a neighboring agency (we monitor their traffic and ours because we work together alot)  and it was for a woman who left her kid in the parking lot.. the kid was acting like a brat and the mom said if you don't straighten up and get in the car I will leave you here... the kid didn't so the mom left. It wasn't like she abandoned her kid she was teaching him a lesson.. he was 9 not 2...  She was gonna come back in a minute after the kid came to his senses... did the police really need to be called for that? While they're responding to "concerned citizen" over possible "child abandonment" some domestic violence call gets delayed because the officer is no longer in the area!!!  STUPID



on the bright side it was a fun New Years Eve for me... we had two foot pursuits in an hour.. caught both...stupid drunk college kids!  ;D

When you see the police DON'T RUN!  And if you do run... don't say WHAT DID I DO when you get caught!!!!



\\

I hate it when people waste our time with shi... I mean stuff....


the other day  I heard a call go out for a neighboring agency (we monitor their traffic and ours because we work together alot)  and it was for a woman who left her kid in the parking lot.. the kid was acting like a brat and the mom said if you don't straighten up and get in the car I will leave you here... the kid didn't so the mom left. It wasn't like she abandoned her kid she was teaching him a lesson.. he was 9 not 2...  She was gonna come back in a minute after the kid came to his senses... did the police really need to be called for that? While they're responding to "concerned citizen" over possible "child abandonment" some domestic violence call gets delayed because the officer is no longer in the area!!!   STUPID

Normally, I'd probably agree with you, but due to the source of "Code: Adam", and the number of child kidnappings these days, I would be concerned also.

Normally, I'd probably agree with you, but due to the source of "Code: Adam", and the number of child kidnappings these days, I would be concerned also.


true but the "concerned" citizen could've kept an eye on the kid until mom came back...

911 Dispatch: 911, what is your emergency?

Caller: I need help, bad!

911 Dispatch: What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I think there's something wrong with me! My body's cracking, and I don't understand why!

911 Dispatch: What do you mean, your body's cracking?

Caller: I'm telling you my body has a huge crack, and I don't know why it's there.

911 Dispatch: Are you bleeding?

Caller: No. I'm just really freaked out!

911 Dispatch: Where on your body is the crack located?

Caller: In my butt.

true but the "concerned" citizen could've kept an eye on the kid until mom came back...


Nope, that's an even worse option for the concerned citizen. You walk over to the car to see if the parents have left the window open by a crack?  Yes, they have, and it's only 70-80F outside anyways.  So the kid's not baking in there like it would be if it were 110F in the shade and the car was sealed up like an oven.  There's no immediate danger to life/health, so you don't call 911, but it's still pretty uncomfortable.  You sit back and "wait until mom comes back".

911: "911, please state the nature of your emergency?"
Caller: "I'm in this parking lot, and there's this dude, and he's been, like, staring at some kid in a car for, like, five minutes...  He, like, went over to the car?  And then went away from the car.  But he's still there, just staring.  Every once in a while he looks around to see if anyone else is walking towards the car.  You guys gotta send somebody over before he makes his move!"

In today's lawsuit-prone environment, the only safe option for the concerned citizen is to either notify the mallcops or to swallow his empathy and move on.  Outside of the summer months, most kids and pets briefly abandoned in cars survive just fine.

Nope, that's an even worse option for the concerned citizen. You walk over to the car to see if the parents have left the window open by a crack?  Yes, they have, and it's only 70-80F outside anyways.  So the kid's not baking in there like it would be if it were 110F in the shade and the car was sealed up like an oven.  There's no immediate danger to life/health, so you don't call 911, but it's still pretty uncomfortable.  You sit back and "wait until mom comes back".

911: "911, please state the nature of your emergency?"
Caller: "I'm in this parking lot, and there's this dude, and he's been, like, staring at some kid in a car for, like, five minutes...  He, like, went over to the car?  And then went away from the car.  But he's still there, just staring.  Every once in a while he looks around to see if anyone else is walking towards the car.  You guys gotta send somebody over before he makes his move!"

In today's lawsuit-prone environment, the only safe option for the concerned citizen is to either notify the mallcops or to swallow his empathy and move on.  Outside of the summer months, most kids and pets briefly abandoned in cars survive just fine.


The kid wasn't in a car... he was on the sidewalk throwing a tantrum.. the mom left him she was just driving around the lot to let the kid know who's in charge... she said get in the car or I'll leave you here... I bet the next time the kid gets in the car.


The caller was standing there watching... they could have watched to see if mom came back... made sure no one snatched the kid in the meantime... if mom left the kid for 30 mins then its abandonedment but they called the second mom drove away... didn't wait to see what happened. There are not enough police officers to go around this was a waste of time.

(

When you see the police DON'T RUN!  And if you do run... don't say WHAT DID I DO when you get caught!!!!


Oops...

Oops...



aaawwww you'll get it right next time...  ;)  telll you thought a wild turkey was after you  ;D

pants on fire. ;D

"Hello 911?  I'd like to make a noise complaint.  My neighbour has bad diahrrea and I can hear him crapping in his house and it's keeping me awake"



Barking dogs at 3AM keeping you awake unless you call them to say that you heard a a big commotion at the residence and the dog is barking like crazy and he is usually a very quiet well behaved mongrel er I mean dog.  I tried calling the police on a non 911 number once because of a noisy neighbor`s dog that had been keeping me up for the past week.  They wouldn't do anything about it.  When I called 911 to report a commotion and a barking dog, they get there real quick and that dog didn't bark again for a while.  If I get woke up because of your dog then I will find a way to have you rudely woken up at 3 AM.. 

Barking dogs at 3AM keeping you awake unless you call them to say that you heard a a big commotion at the residence and the dog is barking like crazy and he is usually a very quiet well behaved mongrel er I mean dog.  I tried calling the police on a non 911 number once because of a noisy neighbor`s dog that had been keeping me up for the past week.  They wouldn't do anything about it.  When I called 911 to report a commotion and a barking dog, they get there real quick and that dog didn't bark again for a while.  If I get woke up because of your dog then I will find a way to have you rudely woken up at 3 AM.. 


Try calling animal control during business hours. They can come out and talk to your neighbor and say they've had complaints... if the dog keeps barking eventually animal control will fine the owner and/or take the dog.

glued yourself to the toilet seat. ;D

lol... NO ONE wants to respond for that!!!  8-P

glued yourself to the toilet seat. ;D

I know of a story about someone "gluing" themselves to the inside of a bathtub, while trying to bikini wax.
Another true story.

I know of a story about someone "gluing" themselves to the inside of a bathtub, while trying to bikini wax.
Another true story.


you know the most amazingly stupid people....wait it wasn't you? or ladyhawk was it  :-[