So i have this project going on and i would be really thankful if some of you could help me...

Has anyone been through a really big life issue and is willing to talk about it?

-a major health problem
-you lost someone very close to you
-a painful divorce
-being broke and loosing everything you had
-going through abuse or being a victim of a crime
Or something else in these lines.

What i would like to know is in what way did this awful events changed you? And if you're still going through it..how do you cope? What helps? How painfull it is? How do people around you treat you? What are your fears and your hopes?

I'm interested in knowing how we deal with pain and tragedies,essentially.

It can be a little too personal so if you don't want to post it,you can pm me :)

Let me think on this some more and I'll get back to you tonight.

So i have this project going on and i would be really thankful if some of you could help me...

Has anyone been through a really big life issue and is willing to talk about it?

-a major health problem
-you lost someone very close to you
-a painful divorce
-being broke and loosing everything you had
-going through abuse or being a victim of a crime
Or something else in these lines.

What i would like to know is in what way did this awful events changed you? And if you're still going through it..how do you cope? What helps? How painfull it is? How do people around you treat you? What are your fears and your hopes?

I'm interested in knowing how we deal with pain and tragedies,essentially.

It can be a little too personal so if you don't want to post it,you can pm me :)


You know the concept of spirit animals? I'm not really an expert or anything... I think I got the concept from some old TV show (actually I think it was Profiler - ummm or the OC)  anyway, people have an animal that reprents them.  I have two... first I have the rabbit because I seem to have been born under a lucky sign. That means that no matter how bad things get for me somehow, something happens on the other side to kinda balance it out.

I am always out of money- last week I really wanted to buy lotto tickets (cuz I think someday I will win) but I had no cash I looked at the lotto tickets I bought the week before and said I need ten bucks for this weeks lotto.... one of my tickets was a ten dollar winner.

I find myself overdrawn at and find a check in my mailbox that's just enough to cover the debt. Or a friend comes through with just enough money to loan me to get by until payday.  I'm about to run out of gas I find $5 in my jeans pocket.

The clincher in 1996 I rented an apartment for the summer, the landlord and I had a verbal agreement that I could continue with a new when school started in the fall. That fall we had more freshmen then ever apply so there was a huge housing crunch. The landlord figured out he could raise the rent an extrordinary amount so he reniged on the verbal agreement. It was Sept 15th when I found out. I was homeless for a month, working two jobs and a fulltime college student supporting myself.  One of my profs let me house sit for her for a week and crash on her floor for another week but I felt uncomfortable so I left and stayed in a flea bag motel for 3 weeks.  There was only one apartment in the entire Santa Barbara area available in my price range (I had credit problems and couldn't pass the app process) , I refused to share a place cuz I am inflexible  ;) . 

Anyway, I saw this apartment and really wanted it, no credit check just referrals but they didn't want to rent to students. There were two other people at the open house, a couple, the place was small and they didn't want to rent to a couple either. We were the only three who showed up for the open house so she decided to have another one; no one showed. She called me and agreed to rent the apt to me I lived there for 4 years.

When they sold the bldg I had to move again. By this time I had my gorgeous Rottie. I was having a heck of time finding and apartment because even tho she's more like a black lab with brown spots than a Rott her breed's rep make landlords nervous. I got lucky tho. About  3 days before I had to be out of my place my friend, a cop, saw a notice at the jail that one of the K9 officers was moving and the landlord wanted someone in law enforcement to move in and they really wanted  a big dog on property cuz they liked having his k9 there. They felt safer. Needless to say I got the apartment. So stress averted.

My other spirit animal tho is an ostrich when things are going bad for me I tend to hide out until it goes away. Hiding doesn't resolve much but usually with time the issues resolve themselves or I finally come to the point where I realize I have no control so I let go of the stress, anger, depression or whatever.

But when I am thick in it I go off into my room and turn on the TV...okay this isn't much different than any other day in my life cuz I AM A TV ADDICT but the mood is different. I don't really watch I just exist. I will try to find shows to get me out of my funk- Dirty Dancing always puts me in a good mood so I will watch that if I need a quick relief.

I also practice retail therapy. Hence my credit problems. I wouldn't reccommend it because the fix is only temporary and the guilt over buying stuff you don't need or can't afford lasts a lot longer the euphoria you feel when shopping like a mad woman.

I have been homeless for a month+, I have lost all for my grandparents, my father had a health scare last year but is recovering nicely, my best friend died of cancer in 04. I still miss her deeply- her young children are not so young now, the oldest just married and is now pregnant the youngest is 18 and having a hard time still but carries on . I think of her and miss her everyday.  I love my dogs like children and lost two dogs a few months apart last year.  I will be devastated when my Carly girl- my Rottie- is gone.  And I have had other more personal darker things happen but I don't really want to go there... like I said- I tend to avoid... alot  :(

hope this helps

If you look, there's a thread about Online Member bios.

You'll find some excellent examples of what you're asking about.

My story is included there.

"Tales of our Mike"    I'm game but I'm also to tired to think, so maybe this weekend I'll post or PM ya a personal tale Isabel  8) 

I will also PM you some stuff. :)

Isabel, I was going to PM you my short, hard luck story but I figured if I did then in a couple of days I would get
a letter telling me to hand over a stack of unmarked 100 dollar bills or my story will be all over the net.  ;D

I decided to post it because I figured it would be unfair for only one member to know the dark side of me. If I am
going to let one member know the real me then I should let all the members know me too. I will try to be brief.

From 1993 to 2000 my life was a train wreck, Thing is, it was self inflicted. Sad part is, I brought my wife along for
the ride. I joined a pool team in 1993, it was a bar league and we played once a week. I felt I needed to get better
so I would go to the bar and practice every night. This angered my wife so I invited her to tag along, she liked shooting
pool as well so she joined a female team. This harmless activity set in motion the most difficult time of my life.

In this seven year period I lived in Camden, N.J., I hated the school system Camden, plus it was a high crime area so
I sent my 3 kids to my mothers to live during the school year to give them a better education. Thing is, without kids
at home it gave me more time to be at the bar playing pool.

It started out with just beer, I loved beer. I was a good drinker too, well knowledged in beer. I could be blind folded and
tell you what beer I was drinking. Won all kinds of bets naming beers blind folded. Around 1995 I graduated to whiskey,
Jack Daniels was the whiskey of choice but I would drink any kind of whiskey. I got good at that too, I was able to name
brands of whiskey blind folded as well. Throughout this time my wife was drinking right along side of me, and yes, The demon
Jack as well.

It got to the point where I was drinking more Jack Daniels than I was beer, between my wife and I we were drinking about
a fifth of whiskey a night. I started missing time at work and was going through my savings at an alarming rate. My wife
doesn't work outside the home so it was just my paycheck, and I was spending about $25,000 a year on alcohol. Needless
to say, my bills weren't getting paid. My cable was shut off as well as the phone. I was 4 month behind in rent and facing
eviction.

In 2000 the train wrecked. I filed for bankruptcy to save my apartment. It worked so long as I paid so much a week to
try to catch up what I was in arrears. I was still missing time in work, spending next weeks paycheck this week and started
falling behind again in rent. When I made work I was going with 3 dollars in my pocket, enough for bridge toll. I would borrow
money to drink with, even employed the services of a usury, I was in with some unscrupulous characters. I was being taken
to court to start the eviction process and my kids wanted nothing to do with me, the very bottom.

I went into the bin, Livengrin Treatment Center, on August 22, 2000. I spent 12 days in the bin, I had to be let out to
go to court, and spent 6 months in an outpatient program. By going into treatment I was able to save my apartment.
It was a long, slow crawl out of the hole I dug myself but I did it. As of today it has been 2620 days, a little over 7 years,
since I had a drink. My bankruptcy has been discharged, I have 3 credit cards and a motorcycle payment, trying to rebuild
my credit. I remember, vividly, what it was like to be broke so now I carry more cash in my pocket than any person should,
but I will never have that sinking feeling of being broke again.

That's my story, I left a few things out but I was trying, unsuccessfully, to be brief. I hope you will think none the less of me.

Awesome story and way to go Kevin. It's hard to go from a selfish lifestyle to an unselfish one & give up things like that, but you recognized that your drinking kinda made things turn out not so good and did the right thing for you and your family so I award 1 karma for sharing something very personal  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/09/smilejap.gif

That's my story, I left a few things out but I was trying, unsuccessfully, to be brief. I hope you will think none the less of me.


I don't think anyone will. I applaud you for getting help and sticking with it. :)

What do you want?  Linda Kasabian was my babysitter.  
(see the Manson thread on "More Than a Decade; and that's a cleaned up version)

There's dark for misfortune.
There's dark for pathology.
and there's both. That's what I have.

I've got much to say on these matters of the Dark Side, but this is Playful Penguins and this stuff just ain't playful.
I wouldn't mind discussing it elsewhere, just not on Playful Penguins.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/07/nono.gif

That's my story, I left a few things out but I was trying, unsuccessfully, to be brief. I hope you will think none the less of me.



Not at all i admire your honesty.  Getting sober is hard... staying sober is harder!

Snoz,thank you for posting. I liked your animal spirits concept,i'm going to check that out. It seems your life hasn't been easy and you always make it through,so you must be a really special girl,all the best for you :)

Kevin,your story is very inspiring,thank you for sharing it with us. You have nothing to be ashamed of,we all have been there,what it's wonderful about you is that you have the guts to talk about it and you overcome it,your past is not who you are anymore. Who you are now is someone who's been at the worst but is successfully overcome it. Your story gives me hope,Kevin,and actually makes me think more of you,not less.

And i just want to say,the reason i started this topic is not 'cause i want you to dish about your lives,or make you guys uncomfortable or sad,yeah i do know this is playful place,Max! What i'm looking for is a way to relate,to know if anyone here has been where i am now and to by reading your stories find some hope. So i guess my reasons are a little selfish,but maybe it can help other people too,this project is a book i'm writing about going through hell,you are important to help me get a global perspective,don't worry i won't be using your stories :-X

Life is full of great happy moments that we take as granted and really,really hard ones that seem to obscure everything else. My life was never easy,growing up we had no money,my relationship with my family was never good,and i've had to make it on my own since a very young age, but despite of that i never thought i had it hard,i loved my life and how free i was to do whatever i wanted,it's amazing how much you can do,even if you don't have that much money... My friends would tell me they were jealous of me because i was such a free spirit and how i would never let problems get me down. But when i was diagnosed with this disease i changed... so much,it's like i'm not me anymore,i really thought i was stronger,that i had enough fight in me to go through this and make it. The doctors tell me that it's ok to breakdown and cry,but i'm so tired of it,of how people look at me now,of how even the good news like i'm going to be alright again don't seem to faze me.
I think when i had control over my life nothing seemed too bad because i knew it was up to me to make it better,but now that i'll i do is wait and let the drugs heal me,i feel completely lost. I know i'm lucky,'cause it could be a lot worse and i have people i can talk to that help me so much.

Now how is this for TMI? ;D

Thanks to everyone who replied and pm'd me,when the book hits the shelves,you'll all get a copy...you just have to learn portuguese,first ;)

Now how is this for TMI? ;D



Wow! I don't even know what to say. I know what you mean about a disease being so debilitating because it not only takes your body but your spirit too. 

When my friend was dying we talked alot about the finding joy in the little things.  We once spent an hour celebrating the fact that she got to pee in a toilet that day. It had been months since she'd been able to do that :)

Its gotta be tough going from free spirit to so-called prisioner- but I guess we need the bad stuff so we can remember to appreciate the good that we have/had.  You're right take nothing for granted. Life is short and in some cases life is too short  >:(

I don't pray but I do do positive thinking. I sent you karma but I could only do that once so here's a little positve thought for you too....

And hey- if you can- go pee in a toilet for my friend Patti- I'm sure she's somewhere still laughing about it!  ;D

Isabel, I was going to PM you my short, hard luck story but I figured if I did then in a couple of days I would get
a letter telling me to hand over a stack of unmarked 100 dollar bills or my story will be all over the net.  ;D

I decided to post it because I figured it would be unfair for only one member to know the dark side of me. If I am
going to let one member know the real me then I should let all the members know me too. I will try to be brief.

From 1993 to 2000 my life was a train wreck, Thing is, it was self inflicted. Sad part is, I brought my wife along for
the ride. I joined a pool team in 1993, it was a bar league and we played once a week. I felt I needed to get better
so I would go to the bar and practice every night. This angered my wife so I invited her to tag along, she liked shooting
pool as well so she joined a female team. This harmless activity set in motion the most difficult time of my life.

In this seven year period I lived in Camden, N.J., I hated the school system Camden, plus it was a high crime area so
I sent my 3 kids to my mothers to live during the school year to give them a better education. Thing is, without kids
at home it gave me more time to be at the bar playing pool.

It started out with just beer, I loved beer. I was a good drinker too, well knowledged in beer. I could be blind folded and
tell you what beer I was drinking. Won all kinds of bets naming beers blind folded. Around 1995 I graduated to whiskey,
Jack Daniels was the whiskey of choice but I would drink any kind of whiskey. I got good at that too, I was able to name
brands of whiskey blind folded as well. Throughout this time my wife was drinking right along side of me, and yes, The demon
Jack as well.

It got to the point where I was drinking more Jack Daniels than I was beer, between my wife and I we were drinking about
a fifth of whiskey a night. I started missing time at work and was going through my savings at an alarming rate. My wife
doesn't work outside the home so it was just my paycheck, and I was spending about $25,000 a year on alcohol. Needless
to say, my bills weren't getting paid. My cable was shut off as well as the phone. I was 4 month behind in rent and facing
eviction.

In 2000 the train wrecked. I filed for bankruptcy to save my apartment. It worked so long as I paid so much a week to
try to catch up what I was in arrears. I was still missing time in work, spending next weeks paycheck this week and started
falling behind again in rent. When I made work I was going with 3 dollars in my pocket, enough for bridge toll. I would borrow
money to drink with, even employed the services of a usury, I was in with some unscrupulous characters. I was being taken
to court to start the eviction process and my kids wanted nothing to do with me, the very bottom.

I went into the bin, Livengrin Treatment Center, on August 28, 2000. I spent 8 days in the bin, I had to be let out to
go to court, and spent 6 months in an outpatient program. By going into treatment I was able to save my apartment.
It was a long, slow crawl out of the hole I dug myself but I did it. As of today it has been 2620 days, a little over 7 years,
since I had a drink. My bankruptcy has been discharged, I have 3 credit cards and a motorcycle payment, trying to rebuild
my credit. I remember, vividly, what it was like to be broke so now I carry more cash in my pocket than any person should,
but I will never have that sinking feeling of being broke again.

That's my story, I left a few things out but I was trying, unsuccessfully, to be brief. I hope you will think none the less of me.




thank you for sharing your story with us Kevin...it was most inspiring. :)

Let's see what I can dredge up, here:

I was born with the most severe case of bi-lateral clubfoot, or talipes.
Basically, my feet were shaped like cleched fists, with my heels located on top of my ankles; my legs were curved like horseshoes, and and I was told that I would never walk.
My 1st surgery occurred at exactly 1 hour old.
(The surgeon that performed the tendon grafting & splicing on me was from Egypt. He came, because the US doctors had no idea what to do. As a result, most of the more advanced techniques used today were either invented or honed on me.)

As a result, I have never been very inclined for things like sports. I did try a few things, mainly to impress my now ex-stepfather. I was more inclined for learning and reading, than football or baseball.
My older brother was, and to this day is, ashamed of me, because I was not "just like him", in almost any aspect.
Mom was on the road most of the time, and I ended up either living with relatives or in hotel rooms, until the age of 7 1/2. (Not to mention hospitals, for ongoing surgeries, due to the clubfoot recurring in my left foot.)

Growing up, I was not a popular kid because I didn't do sports. I couldn't run; I couldn't really jump; I couldn't do much at all. (However, I have always had remarkable arm-strength.)
Thus, I was always an obese-yet-intelligent kid. This trend followed me all through school, and into adulthood. As a result, I didn't have much in the way of friends, and I was a favorite of the bullies until my Senior yr. of HS.

My Junior yr., I called this guy out, because he & his buddies had been hounding me for 3 yrs. I finally got fed up with it, and let him know. I ended up putting him through the back windshield of a Yugo.
Result: I was suspended for 2 days, even though it was off-grounds, technically. He wasn't seen until just before school ended (the fight happened during the last month of school).

After I graduated in 1993, I worked & lived in Nevada until Dec. '94, when two things happened: my favorite grandpa died of stomach cancer, and my best friend at the time asked me to move to Kentucky with him. He was in the Army, & wanted to live off-base. Like a dummy, I did it. Long story short: he destroyed in 5 1/2 months what it took 3 yrs. to build. I left Kentucky, after he chased me around our rented duplex with a butcher cleaver.

I moved to Sacramento, California, and went through a few things- including a severe emotional breakdown at work (I was a Wal-Mart cashier, when this happened), a very abortive engagement (she left me to turn lesbian), and a year or so's worth of starvation. My circumstances forced me to move to Oroville, where I had family at the time.

I had to rely on aid for awhile, until I started work again. I had 4 jobs, none of which lasted over 6 months.
I was a cannery worker, when I experienced my 1st thoughts of suicide, in 1997. After I was fired on a bogus reason, I ended up checking into a "facility", for a couple of weeks. That was enough to show me a sobering fact: In there, people are merely kept alive.

I tried college in 1998, and met my now-wife, Melissa, through yet another abusive girlfriend.
We moved in together 9/11/98 (ominous, isn't it?!?), and have been together almost 10 yrs. now.
She was with me when I filed for Social Security in 1999, because my feet had deteriorated to the point where I just couldn't work even a part-time job on the 9-to-5 scale.
I was medically confined to a wheelchair, for almost 2 yrs. During that time, I withdrew from everything I enjoyed- even my music, which has been my 1st love almost from the start.
Melissa saw the "slow death" I was going through, and we both regard that as the darkest time I have faced, so far.
But, eventually I mentally slapped myself out of it, and I determined that I was going to do what I could, while I could still do it.

Our daughter, Teela, was born in February 2001. She was the biggest shock for both of us, because neither of us could have children, for reasons I will explain, if PM'ed. Teela was born about 6 wks. premature, but is now 6 yrs. old, and healthy as an ox, except for her seasonal asthma.

As proud as I am of where I've been and how far I've come, I'm afraid time is catching up with me.
I found out last month about busitis developing in one heel, a hairline fracture in the other heel, and a couple of joints fusing together in one or two toes.
I have been walking literally on borrowed time, really since the age of 25.

I know I will be wheelchair confined, at some point.
But I will not go gentle into that good night.
I am fighting it tooth & nail, and screaming blue murder.
I want to be an example to other physically-challenged people, so they know they can follow their dreams.