Today, October 1, 2007, at approx. 13:00 hours CET, my mother passed away. :\'( :\'( :\'(


I was there (with my father and one of my sisters) when they "pulled the plug". A very sad moment...

Most of you know the story so far (see "What Are You Going To Do Today/News Of Any Form September & October"). Here's how it ends...
When we arrived at the hospital in Amsterdam (around 11:30) the doctor basically informed us that there was nothing he could do anymore. My mother was alive only because machines kept her heart beating/lungs pumping. In spite of extremely high doses of medication, her blood pressure was too low to keep her alive. Apart from that, one side of her heart had completely given up (this was confirmed by the ultrasound that was made shortly after). Doctors and nurses prolonged her life for as long as they could, in order to give all of the children the chance to make it to the hospital while my mother was still "there" (in one form or the other). Unfortunately, at around 13:00, the decision was made to "pull the plug" (at that point in time they had to refill some of the medication, which most likely would have had the same effect). So my two brothers, my sister-in-law, my other sister and my brother-in-law arrived too late to see my mother still "alive". Their arrival was heartbreaking, of course...

So...If I'm not around the next couple of days, or if I seem a bit absent minded, you know the reason why.

I'm truly sorry for your loss,Henk. A big hug to you,sweetie.

Sorry to hear this news, my thoughts and prayers are with your family at this sad time.

I'm truly sorry for your loss,Henk. A big hug to you,sweetie.



Sorry to hear this news, my thoughts and prayers are with your family at this sad time.


Thank you both. We really need all the support we can get right now. Although we are all devastated by her sudden death, these are hard times especially for my father, my youngest brother and the grandchildren.

Oh Henk, I'm so sorry!  :\'(

My heart goes out to you and your family during this very difficult time...(HUG)

Oh my gosh Henk, I am so so sorry. You all will be in my prayers. May you find peace.

I'm so sorry Henk.My prayers go out to you and your family. :\'(

I'm so sorry Henk.My prayers go out to you and your family. :\'(


Mine too. It must be sad to lose a parent. :\'( :( :-\\

Mine too. It must be sad to lose a parent. :\'( :( :-\\



or a sibling,even. :(

My heart breaks for your family.  I can't even imagine the pain your dad, as well as you and your siblings, are experiencing.  I hope you find support in each other during this dark time.    :\'(

Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you all.

Sending hugs across the miles,

Amy (& Micah)

I am so sorry, Henk. I know there is really nothing that anyone of us can say that will ease your pain but please know that we are all thinking of you.


((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))



Cat & Carlos

Oh Henk, I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and your family too. God bless.

My deepest, sincerest condolences and sympathy to you and your family, Henk...

I know how it feels to lose someone in your life but give it some time for the heart to heal.

Henk, I am so sorry to hear this. I give my condolances to you and your family. 
:\'(

Sorry to hear the sad news, my condolances goes out to you, and your family.

I'm sorry for you in this heartbreaking loss Henk. I offer my sympathy.

I'm sorry about your loss. :-\\

Oh no. I'm so sorry, Henk. :\'(

Mine and my family's condolences to you and your family.  Losing a Mom is a grief unlike any other.  :\'(

I'm sorry for your loss, Henk.  :\'( I lost someone earlier this year and didn't get to say goodbye - it still hurts.

Be with your family, your flesh and blood.

Ant

I'm so sorry for your loss, Henk. My heart goes out to you and your family.  :\'(

Oh Henk, I am so sorry to hear of your Mother's passing.  You and your entire family will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

Henk, so sorry to here about your mum passing away.  Thinking of you

Henk,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  Please know that my good thoughts go out to you and your family.

Warm Regards,
Shannon

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Henk.

I am sorry to hear Henk.  My thoughts are with you and your family

Thank you all for your kind words, hugs, thoughts and prayers. They DO mean a lot to me.

I wasn't sure how I would feel/act when one of my parents would die. Now I know, and in a way it's comforting to find out that I, after all, am only human. In the past 20 hours I've cried more than I have in the previous years.


Today we will be making preparations for the funeral service. There's a lot to be dealt with, but I'm sure together (as a family) we can make it.

Condolences to you and your family and sorry for your loss.  :\'(

Thank you all for your kind words, hugs, thoughts and prayers. They DO mean a lot to me.

I wasn't sure how I would feel/act when one of my parents would die. Now I know, and in a way it's comforting to find out that I, after all, am only human. In the past 20 hours I've cried more than I have in the previous years.


Today we will be making preparations for the funeral service. There's a lot to be dealt with, but I'm sure together (as a family) we can make it.
Henk, your love for your mom is evident in your grief. I can relate to your experience. I remember in 1988 when my mother died, she was 57 & I was 32 years old & I cried like a baby, harder than I'd ever cried before. It's a lot to deal with, but you and your family will take care of things and get through it all.  take care

Henk, your love for your mom is evident in your grief. I can relate to your experience. I remember in 1988 when my mother died, she was 57 & I was 32 years old & I cried like a baby, harder than I'd ever cried before. It's a lot to deal with, but you and your family will take care of things and get through it all.  take care


I will take care, Mike...don't worry. Somehow someday our lives will be almost normal again.
Right now it's all very surreal, of course. A week ago, everything was alright, and even when my mother was hospitalized Wednesday morning, that wasn't something unusual or worrying. It had happened before, and we were confident that, like before, this would all be over in a week. Well, it is over now...but not as we hoped or planned.

I will take care, Mike...don't worry. Somehow someday our lives will be almost normal again.
Right now it's all very surreal, of course. A week ago, everything was alright, and even when my mother was hospitalized Wednesday morning, that wasn't something unusual or worrying. It had happened before, and we were confident that, like before, this would all be over in a week. Well, it is over now...but not as we hoped or planned.
I'm sure it is a surreal time, having to make all the arrangements & everything & perhaps never involved with the death of a family member, much less the one dearest to you.  I remember It took me about a year to fully grieve my mom's passing, but then shortly after that, Julie was born and that helped but I was sad my mom didn't get to see her grandaughter. It's nice to see so many others here at inthe00s display sincere care and concern for you, one of it's longtime members. 

Hope you feel better when you come back Henk. :)

Henk - I'm so sorry to hear about this, my thoughts are with you and all of your family.

It's difficult to give or receive advice at such a sad time but for what it's worth, when my Dad died a few years ago it helped me during the days spent preparing for the funeral that we could be together as a family and remember the good times we'd shared with him. It sounds to me like your family is close and supportive Henk, I hope you can lean on each other at this time and find some solace in talking and sharing your thoughts about your dear mother.

with my best wishes - Graham.

So sorry to hear of you loss, Henk.  I couldn't even imagine what you and your family must be going through. 
My thoughts are with you and your family. 

Oh Henk, I'm so sorry to hear it.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  :\'(

I will take care, Mike...don't worry. Somehow someday our lives will be almost normal again.
Right now it's all very surreal, of course. A week ago, everything was alright, and even when my mother was hospitalized Wednesday morning, that wasn't something unusual or worrying. It had happened before, and we were confident that, like before, this would all be over in a week. Well, it is over now...but not as we hoped or planned.
Henk, having just lost my mother as well, I can understand what you're going through.  It's been 2 1/2 weeks for me and it still doesn't seem real.  Unlike you, though, I haven't really been able to cry.  I'm sure it will come as there are moments I feel like I'm about to :-\\

You and your family will be in my thoughts...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Henk.  {{hugs}}

Thanks again to all of you for your concern.

Yesterday was a hectic day, with so many things to arrange...
The funeral/memorial service will be held this Friday, at 14:30 CET, and the funeral itself at 16:00 CET. Today we have to pick a site for the grave, and we'll also work out the details for the memorial service.
It looks like we're gonna get some rest tomorrow.

Thanks again to all of you for your concern.

Yesterday was a hectic day, with so many things to arrange...
The funeral/memorial service will be held this Friday, at 14:30 CET, and the funeral itself at 16:00 CET. Today we have to pick a site for the grave, and we'll also work out the details for the memorial service.
It looks like we're gonna get some rest tomorrow.


I know how it feels to arrange for a funeral,did it for my Brother 12 years ago.

But feel brave,that's all you can do,Henk. ;)

It's all done...for now.

We've had an emotional day yesterday, of course. Just before 13:00 CET we went to the funeral parlour where my mother was lying in state, for a last farewell and to accompany her to the church for the memorial/funeral service. Arrived at the church at about 13:40, where mother was lied in state again (coffin closed this time) for the next 45 minutes. There was a recent picture of my mother on the coffin, and a jigsaw puzzle that she had been working on at the time of her hospitalization. She didn't get to finish it, so we (children, BIL, SIL & grandchildren) did it for her. My mother loved to do jigsaw puzzles.
During those 45 minutes prior to the service people were given the opportunity to offer us our condolences. Many people did. I believe there are about 150 names in the condolences book.
The service was simple and very emotional. Two candles were lit by my BIL and SIL. The three children of my sister and BIL had written a short poem, which they recited during the service. My other sister shared some personal memories. We sang and prayed and remembered. I think there were 130-150 people present.
After the service, we went to the cemetary for some final words (the Apostel's Creed and the Lord's Prayer). Lots of people had accompanied us. Of course I haven't counted them, but they might have been 100. Luckily the weather was great. It was sunny and temperatures were in the lower 60s.
My mother is buried close to where two of her sisters are buried (the ones she lost about a year and a half ago).
There were flowers, of course...Some 20 bouquets, I guess. Lots of them had freesia's, my mother's favourite flower.
With the funeral finished, we returned to the church for some coffee and cake. Well, not literally cake, because my mother didn't want that (she hated the way it crumbled because that would make her cough), so we had butter biscuit and almond paste biscuit instead.
By that time, there were still some 50-60 people present (mostly family & relatives).
We talked and talked, we shared memories and we even laughed at times...You know how it goes.

It was well past 17:30 before we went home. We had a good day, in spite of the occasion.

You describe a really moving service Henk, I'm glad that the day went like that for you.

In the years to come I am sure it will be a comfort to you to remember that day, the way so many people came together in love and remembrance. To find laughter as you did on a sad day, it's quite common I believe but it's a really positive thing. None of us want our passing to be marked by a day of only tears or a subdued and quiet service, to be remembered with happiness is the best legacy.

all the best my friend, Graham.

Henk

At times like this I have always found it hard to say the right words.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Philip

My father died almost in the way your mother did.  I found that the shock of it only took hold in the weeks after the funeral.  People, and you yourself, will think you are on to normal.  There are times when she will pop into your mind, or something will remind you of her.  Go with the feeling, it will make you feel closer to her.  Lean on family, and remember getting on is a one day at a time thing. 

I hope you feel better Henk.In this time of need,You want someone to talk to and your family,friends and people who are in your support circle are there for comfort.

I hope you feel better Henk.In this time of need,You want someone to talk to and your family,friends and people who are in your support circle are there for comfort.


It's a bit (too) soon to feel better already, Howard...It's been less than a week since my mother's death. It will take a lot more time than that for the wound to heal. Well, I think you know...You've lost your brother 12 years ago, but tell me: don't it feel like yesterday sometimes?

We'll take things one step at a time, and today feels alright, but who knows what tomorrow brings?


My father died almost in the way your mother did.  I found that the shock of it only took hold in the weeks after the funeral.  People, and you yourself, will think you are on to normal.  There are times when she will pop into your mind, or something will remind you of her.  Go with the feeling, it will make you feel closer to her.  Lean on family, and remember getting on is a one day at a time thing. 


I think I know what you mean. People tend to forget rather quickly. By the end of this week (or the next), there'll probably be another (unexpected) death, and public attention will be shifting in that direction.
I realize that in a year from now, most people will have completely forgotten about my mother's dead. And although a year seems like a long time now, it will be over before we know it.
I have very fond memories of my mother and I hope to keep them. I've never felt ashamed/embarrassed about her, and it wasn't until after her death that I realized I was proud of my mother. Never got a chance to tell her that.

It's a bit (too) soon to feel better already, Howard...It's been less than a week since my mother's death. It will take a lot more time than that for the wound to heal. Well, I think you know...You've lost your brother 12 years ago, but tell me: don't it feel like yesterday sometimes?

We'll take things one step at a time, and today feels alright, but who knows what tomorrow brings?

I think I know what you mean. People tend to forget rather quickly. By the end of this week (or the next), there'll probably be another (unexpected) death, and public attention will be shifting in that direction.
I realize that in a year from now, most people will have completely forgotten about my mother's dead. And although a year seems like a long time now, it will be over before we know it.
I have very fond memories of my mother and I hope to keep them. I've never felt ashamed/embarrassed about her, and it wasn't until after her death that I realized I was proud of my mother. Never got a chance to tell her that.


It feels strange that it's been 12 years already but My Mother will never forget that day and neither will my Father but I think he wants to forget the whole situation and move on.

Henk

Can I ask what music was played at the funeral?

My father was carried out of the church to the Shepherd's Song from Beethoven's Pastural Symphony.

I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, Henk. It's always a devastating blow, one that a person can never truly prepare themselves for when the time arrives. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your entire family during this time, and know that your friends here will always be there for you if you should need someone to talk to or just to listen...

Henk

Can I ask what music was played at the funeral?

My father was carried out of the church to the Shepherd's Song from Beethoven's Pastural Symphony.


We sang various hymns and psalms, mostly of Dutch origin, starting with Psalm 42. Next a Dutch hymn called "De Heer is mijn Herder" (The Lord is my Shepherd, based on Psalm 23), followed by "Jezus leeft en ik met Hem" (Jesus lives and I with Him), which is a Dutch translation of a German hymn. After that, we sang "Er is een land van louter licht" (There is a land of pure delight, Mendip), and a hymn called "Eens als de bazuinen klinken" (Once when the trumpets will sound), which is set to a Welsh melody (Rhuddlan).
When my mother was carried out of the church the organ played a hymn called "Veilig in Jezus' armen" (Safe in Jesus' arms). I don't know the exact origins of that song. The melody might be used for other purposes as well. Maybe I can find it somewhere.

Today, October 1, 2007, at approx. 13:00 hours CET, my mother passed away. :\'( :\'( :\'(


I was there (with my father and one of my sisters) when they "pulled the plug". A very sad moment...

Most of you know the story so far (see "What Are You Going To Do Today/News Of Any Form September & October"). Here's how it ends...
When we arrived at the hospital in Amsterdam (around 11:30) the doctor basically informed us that there was nothing he could do anymore. My mother was alive only because machines kept her heart beating/lungs pumping. In spite of extremely high doses of medication, her blood pressure was too low to keep her alive. Apart from that, one side of her heart had completely given up (this was confirmed by the ultrasound that was made shortly after). Doctors and nurses prolonged her life for as long as they could, in order to give all of the children the chance to make it to the hospital while my mother was still "there" (in one form or the other). Unfortunately, at around 13:00, the decision was made to "pull the plug" (at that point in time they had to refill some of the medication, which most likely would have had the same effect). So my two brothers, my sister-in-law, my other sister and my brother-in-law arrived too late to see my mother still "alive". Their arrival was heartbreaking, of course...

So...If I'm not around the next couple of days, or if I seem a bit absent minded, you know the reason why.
Sorry to hear that.I think the best thing would be to put yourself in her shoes.How much of a chance of the life she wanted to have was there is she woke up.I mean,you don't have to have perfection,but I think she probably had some idea of when the right time would be to go.That's really the most important thingwhat was best for her.I know you'll miss her.

I have very fond memories of my mother and I hope to keep them. I've never felt ashamed/embarrassed about her, and it wasn't until after her death that I realized I was proud of my mother. Never got a chance to tell her that.




She knows.

It sounds like you had a lovely service for your mother Henk.

Sounds like a nice service Henk.  I left my condolences to you and your family in another thread (I forget which) but I should do it here as well.

May you always have wonderful memories of your mother.