Why do some girls/women when you ask for them for a date they say "I don;t know". I don;t understand the reason why they do this because to me if you want go out with me you either its either a yes or no answer. If women which I am sure of are rejecting my request for me to date them why don;t they just say "no" to begain instead of the "I don;t know" explanation?

Not to be cute.....but I don't know.  I don't know why some of my fellow females do the things they do.  Personally, I think it's rude not to give someone an answer, but to them it may be more rude to just go "no."  Maybe they want to leave the door open to change their minds, and if they say "I don't know", it's not a yes but it's not a no. 


Why don't you actually ask them why.....they might be able to give you a better answer than people completely unaware of the situation.

It's either what Electrophile said:

Maybe they want to leave the door open to change their minds, and if they say "I don't know", it's not a yes but it's not a no.

...or it could be that they want to say "no" but don't want to hurt your feelings, so they just say "I don't know".

It could really be either one though.

It's either what Electrophile said:

...or it could be that they want to say "no" but don't want to hurt your feelings, so they just say "I don't know".

It could really be either one though.



that's what I was gonna say! ;)

Well, I'm a guy and I think I can shed some light on it. I can see both points of view on things like these.

Of course it depends on the person and the exact situation at the time. They could have any number of general reasons that aren't purposefully directed towards any one guy (although it's kinda normal in any situation like this to analyze it and wonder). Maybe they just got out of a relationship and aren't ready to date again yet. Maybe they've got a boyfriend. Or perhaps they just don't feel they have time for a dating/possible romantic relationship (i.e. like if they're really busy with work).

While I'm pretty outgoing and not typically shy, there's times I can be a little hesitant to ask them out. Not because I'd take a rejection too hard, etc. If anything I'm probably worried about being too respectful. I'm quite feminist, actually. I don't want to risk offending them by, say having them think I'm just some dude who wants to get laid (but in fairness if they don't know me, they wouldn't know this yet either).

Maybe this is why all the girlfriends I've had, as well as quite a few dates I've been on, have been with women I already knew/was friends with anyway.



Really though, I know how you feel dude, but I've found the best way to ask is to be honest, but also polite and easygoing. I'll usually say to the effect of: "Hey, I was wondering if you'd wanna go for coffee or maybe to the mall or something some time? If not, that's cool." This way if they aren't interested or have a boyfriend, etc I end up sounding nice and inoffensive. I basically try to go into it expecting them to decline, so if they do say yes, it's basically a bonus.

I sorta think of that saying "Hope for the best, expect the worst" as one of my philosophies in life. :)

It's either what Electrophile said:

...or it could be that they want to say "no" but don't want to hurt your feelings, so they just say "I don't know".

It could really be either one though.


Could be one of the these or it could be that they are uncomfortable turning you down.  Kinda makes for an awkward situation to tell someone no, especially if you are face to face.  There are people who would rather leave you hanging without an answer than to make themselves feel uncomfortable.

Something I hadn't thought of before (which kinda corrolates with my "Has anyone experienced this" thread), is that I think it can depend on the environment, for either gender. For instance, like I said, I tend to do better with conversations than in group/party atmospheres. So I might feel more comfortable in a quieter place like a bookstore as opposed to, say a bar. This could have something to do with it too.

 
It's either what Electrophile said:

...or it could be that they want to say "no" but don't want to hurt your feelings, so they just say "I don't know".

It could really be either one though.


I haven't been on a date in a VERY long time, but I would have to agree with the other ladies who posted here.

It could be how/what you're asking them as well.  If you say "do you want to go on a date?" without a suggestion of what you're going to do, they may be hesitant in case it's something they HATE.  For example, I had one guy ask me if I wanted to go on a date and I said "yes" without asking what we were going to do.  We ended up at a stock car race.....NOT my idea of a "good first date".