offer not available in some states. employees of inthe00s and their family members are not eligible. you must be 18 or over. davey thrashmister may not be available in some colors. model may differ from illustration. contents may settle during shipping.


Contents under pressure.  Batteries not included. 

Not approved by the FDA. ;D

Side effects may include bloating, swelling, mood swings, and involuntary pregnancy.

Liberals are discouraged from ordering a Davey Thrashmister. Contents may be hazardous to their health.

Please dispose of Davey properly when done.

Please use attached floral bedspread to prevent malfunction.

High Maintenance

Posted on Monday, March 13, 2006. From the instructions for REALdoll, a $6,500 life-size silicone sex doll. Customers can choose among nine body types, fifteen faces, five skin tones, and three pubic-hair styles. The company has sold 3,400 dolls in the last ten years. Originally from Harper's Magazine, January 2006.
Sources

Your REALdoll’s internal skeleton is jointed much like a real human being; certain positions are stressful on the joints. In other words, your doll is NOT meant to be put in unusual or unnatural positions! Do not position your doll doing a “split” or spread the legs in an extreme fashion. Always be as gentle as possible when positioning your doll. Be careful with your doll’s fingers—they can be easily damaged. When posing the hand, grasp the wrist, not the fingers.

The doll weighs as much as a real woman, so certain positions are not advisable. Prolonged kneeling is not advised due to the stress placed on the knee joints. Another position that is difficult to attain is “doggie style,” as this places considerable pressure on the elbows, shoulders, and knee joints. It is not advised that your doll be left standing for more than fifteen minutes, as the weight could start to damage the feet. For standing poses, we do advise creative uses of the neck hook.

Experiment with different ways of moving your doll to find what works best for you. Using a wheeled office chair to assist in going from room to room is a common solution. When seated, the ideal position is legs parted 24" with hands flat on her thighs.

Very tight or binding straps left on your doll over an extended period can form dents in the flesh, as on a real person. It is therefore preferable to store your doll in the nude.

Small tears eventually happen. You can repair a tear with caulking. Damage to your doll’s skeletal structure is very unlikely; however, if you believe something internal is broken, please call us for information.

When you first receive your doll, you may notice a slight tackiness on its skin. This will lessen over time but is initially remedied with baby powder. A regular powdering of the skin will give it a smooth, lifelike feel. Powdering is especially recommended after bathing your doll, which should be done at least once a month when the doll is used on a regular basis.

Bathing can be done in an actual bathtub or in the recommended “sponge bath” fashion. When cleaning your doll, be as gentle as possible, especially around pubic hair, eyebrows, and any painted areas. Also, brush your doll’s hair on a regular basis or it will quickly become unmanageable.

To avoid damage to painted areas such as the face, nipples, and vagina, avoid rubbing these areas without lubrication.

Special note for cleaning the oral entry: Carefully remove the tongue from your doll’s mouth with your fingers; it should come out easily when the mouth is lubricated. Rinse the tongue separately and replace it once the orifice is clean.

Care for Your REALdoll FACE System: Always remove the face slowly, working fingers between Velcro pads to separate and going from the outside in. When putting on a Face, some adjustments in alignment may be required. Eyes may need to be adjusted after seating the face into position. Tightening the jaw can be done with a Phillips-head screwdriver. By removing the back portion of the skullcap, the neck can be adjusted with an Allen wrench.

For times when you wish to use your REALdoll in the “face down” positions, it is highly recommended that you remove her face. This will absolutely save on wear and tear AND eyelashes!

Treat your doll like a very expensive work of art, which is what it is!

Shake well before using.

Enter at own risk :o
Parking in rear :o :o
Objects in mirror are larger than they appear :o :o :o

a very expensive work of art, which is what it is!


Nicest thing ever indirectly said about me.

Warranty void if opened.  Not intended for use as a flotation device.

The mounting area must be clean and even.

warning:  miniscule parts included

Please use attached floral bedspread to prevent malfunction.


:D :D :D

Contains nuts.

May be harmful if swallowed.

May irritate eyes.

This is not a toy.

"For standing poses, we do advise creative uses of the neck hook."

i think that bears repeating.

For use by trained personnel only.

Not for human consumption.

Do not use orally after using rectally.

If ingested, induce vomiting immediately. Call local Poison Control.

Not recommended for children

...is known to the state of California to contain chemicals that cause cancer and reproductive harm.

Warranty void everywhere.

You must be 18 in order to be eligible for this contest.

Contents may explode under pressure.  Keep out of reach of children.  If swallowed, call Poison Control.

http://www.tvguidelines.org/images/Tvma.gifMature Audience Only
This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. This program contains one or more of the following: graphic violence (V), explicit sexual activity (S), or crude indecent language (L).

Due to hygiene Davey Thrashmister cannot be returned for refund or exchange.

Act now, supplies are limited.  Operators are standing by.

Effective at shrinking swollen hemorrhoidal tissue and provide soothing relief from burning, itching and discomfort - ideal for night-time relief

Intended for educational purposes only.  One size fits all.  Some equipment shown is optional.  No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added.

Not recommended for extended usage

Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.  Use only in a well-ventilated area.

Davey advocates the abuse of alcoholic beverages and hopes that if you do drink, you do not use moderation or caution. Davey also promotes binge drinking and any other form of alcohol abuse. However, If you choose to abuse alcohol like Davey, you do so at your own risk.

Prolonged use of Davey Thrashmister could seriously damage your health.

DANGER.  Bonds skin and eyes within seconds.  Keep out of reach of children.  Keep cool, don't freeze

How long is the warranty good for?

How long is the warranty good for?
right up until just before it breaks.

right up until just before it breaks.


until WHAT breaks? ;D

until WHAT breaks? ;D


The protective seal.

Extremely flammable.  Keep out of reach of stupidity.

CAUTION: Does not enable user to fly.


Caution:The Davey Thrashmister IS Not Dishwasher Safe.

It is important to keep your Davey Thrashmister clean and properly lubricated.  Periodically wipe the surface with a rust preventive, especially wen it has been cleaned and the surface is dry.

When cleaning and lubricating be sure to check that all screws and nuts are properly tightened.

Caution: Do not connect improperly, charge, or dispose of in fire.

CAUTION: Does not enable user to fly.

priceless!

Davey Thrashmister should not be used as an alternative to professional massage therapy.

You can lead Davey Thrashmister to water, but he prefers Guinness.  Trim and groom regularly.  To prevent unnecessary procreation, Davey Thrashmister should be neutralized by a skilled practicioner.

Not to be used as a personal flotation device

Manufacturer is not responsible for child support if protective seal on Davey Thrashmister is broken or tampered with.

What if he goes out in the rain?

Don't feed after midnight and beyond all means, DO NOT GET HIM WET!!!

Govenment Warning:  According to the Surgeon General, women should avoid Davey Thrashmister while pregnant because of the risk of birth defects.

Some assembly required.




Cat

Batteries not included :D

Govenment Warning:  According to the Surgeon General, women should avoid Davey Thrashmister while pregnant because of the risk of birth defects.


I don't wanna poke no fetus in the eye.

Care should be exercised near open flame or burning cigarettes.

Misuse of Davey Thrashmister may result in injury or death.

Product may contain nuts

Intentional misuse of Davey Thrashmister is punishable by 5 years imprisonment or $250000 fine, or both. 

I don't wanna poke no fetus in the eye.


Well, when you are huge like that there isn't much of a choice. ::)

Sun-ripened to full maturity, our Davey Thrashmister is tender and juicy.  Spectacular in color and flavor, no other UK message-board poster can compare!

Sun-ripened to full maturity, our Davey Thrashmister is tender and juicy.  Spectacular in color and flavor, no other UK message-board poster can compare!


'Davey is actually a US resident'  ;)

Davey Thrashmister can and may be used against you in a court of law.

Warning: A severely confused Davey Thrashmister may result if the Beach Boys invade his cell phone at 4am.

Warning: A severely confused Davey Thrashmister may result if the Beach Boys invade his cell phone at 4am.


You didn't!  LOL

'Davey is actually a US resident'  ;)


Drat I should have known that.  Sometimes it's hard for me to tell though where ANYBODY is...including myself.  :D

You didn't!  LOL


who, me??  i could never do such a thing... :P

who, me??  i could never do such a thing... :P


Noooo...and I've never heard Fernando. ;D

Drat I should have known that.  Sometimes it's hard for me to tell though where ANYBODY is...including myself.  :D
well, he lives in the UK now. but he likes to come over and spy on us.

Use Davey Thrashmister at own risk.  Refrigerator contents may be rapidly depleted in presence of Davey Thrashmister.

Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.

we recommend creative use of the neck hook.

sorry, i know i already posted that one twice but... it's so wonderful.

Do not invert risk of spillage.

we recommend creative use of the neck hook.

sorry, i know i already posted that one twice but... it's so wonderful.
the neck hook is a wonderful feature and needs to be mentioned daily

Use of the "DAVEY THRASHMISTER SERVICE" is at your sole risk. The "SERVICE" IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS

Davey Thrashmister should be saturated before being used...

and if you're not COMPLETELY satisfied, you'll receive double your money back (minus shipping and handling)


And if you call now, we'll throw in a TIA at no additional charge, that's right...you get two for the price of one.

Davey Thrashmister not available in all areas

consult your local listings.

You didn't!  LOL


Mmmm, yeah. That was a 'WTF' moment to top all others.


well, he lives in the UK now. but he likes to come over and spy on us.


8 FREAKIN DAYS!!

^ Wait, she actually DID call you?  :D :D :D

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Only you may use your Davey Thrashmister.  For some parts of the service, we may notify you that you may set up additional member swaps that are dependent on your service contract with Davey Thrashmister.  You are responsible for all activity that takes place with your Davey Thrashmister or an associated swappee.  You may not authorize any third party to access and/or use the service on your behalf, unless Davey Thrashmister decides to do it anyway.

^ Wait, she actually DID call you?  :D :D :D

BWAHAHAHAHA!


Yeah, at about 4:30 in the morning.. It was one of my top 5 most confusing moments ever.

Yeah, at about 4:30 in the morning.. It was one of my top 5 most confusing moments ever.


LOL  Hey, at least she spared you the ABBA.  But then the Beach Boys.....really suck too. ;D

Void where prohibited.




Cat

LOL  Hey, at least she spared you the ABBA.  But then the Beach Boys.....really suck too. ;D
so what's this all about then?

so what's this all about then?


Apparently Odyssey phoned Davey at ass-o'clock UK time and played a Beach Boys tune to Davey's chagrin.

how funny.

does she live in new york or something? first i've heard of all this.

how funny.

does she live in new york or something? first i've heard of all this.


Got me.  Davey's a ho, he's got ladies in every area code :P

how funny.

does she live in new york or something? first i've heard of all this.



I think she lives in Calif.



Cat

Got me.  Davey's a ho, he's got ladies in every area code :P
purntly.

Apparently Odyssey phoned Davey at ass-o'clock UK time and played a Beach Boys tune to Davey's chagrin.


.. wrong.

4:30 AM EST.

.. one of those, sound byte things.

I was totally like "What the f**k's going on around here?" I thought somebody was on the other end of the line, but it was a message.. then I knocked the screen out of the window. But it was ok, cus it wasn't my window.

Product may contain nuts


And balls too.  ;D

And balls too.  ;D


Aren't those the same things or did I learn my male anatomy slang wrong back in the day?

Aren't those the same things or did I learn my male anatomy slang wrong back in the day?



They are the same things.  Howard didn't get it.

They are the same things.  Howard didn't get it.


Chalk it up.

Consistent with prior posts, Davey Thrashmister may not respond favorably to calls that make no sense between the hours of midnight and 5 AM EST.  Calls made during this time may cause Davey Thrashmister to damage random windows.

Standard safety procedures and precautions (including use of safety goggles and proper tools and equipment) should be followed at all times to eliminate the possibility of personal injury.

Warning!  This Product  Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, In Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.

Apparently Odyssey phoned Davey at ass-o'clock UK time and played a Beach Boys tune to Davey's chagrin.


I just played the music into the voice recorder on my cell, then saved it, sent him a text message and attached it...

And just for the record, I actually sent it at about 10:30pm his time...for whatever reason he didn't get it until 430am... :)  that actually made it funnier though cause he was half asleep :D

I just played the music into the voice recorder on my cell, then saved it, sent him a text message and attached it...

And just for the record, I actually sent it at about 10:30pm his time...for whatever reason he didn't get it until 430am... :)  that actually made it funnier though cause he was half asleep :D


10:30?

I blame Verizon then!

10:30?

I blame Verizon then!
Well, DUH!!!  That was your FIRST mistake ;D

*Intended for internal use only*

*Harmful if swallowed.  If accidentally swallowed, please contact the poison control center IMMEDIATELY*

Any rebroadcast, re-transmission, or other use of Davey Thrashmister without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited.

They are the same things.  Howard didn't get it.


I DID get it,nuts and balls are the same thing. ::) ;D

One of these specified conditions is that he is not to be "used for any purpose other than private study, scholarship, or research."

In the event of an emergency, secure Davey Thrashmister upon your own person before helping another person with Davey Thrashmister.

In the event of an emergency, secure Davey Thrashmister upon your own person before helping another person with Davey Thrashmister.


LOVE IT.



YOU MUST BE ZIS TALL TO RIDE THIS RIDE

or, would he prefer this?

Could I throw him out if he's broken?

Keep away from children under 36 months

LOVE IT.



YOU MUST BE ZIS TALL TO RIDE THIS RIDE





Das Fuhrer knows safety.

Tampering or intoxication of Davey Thrashmister may result in rectal bleeding.

Davey Thrashmister should only be taken immediately before bedtime. Be sure you have at least eight hours to devote to Davey Thrashmister before becoming active. You should not engage in any activity after Davey Thrashmister that requires complete alertness, such as driving a car or operating machinery. You should use extreme care when engaging in these activities the morning after Davey Thrashmister.  Do not use Davey Thrashmister for extended periods without first talking to your doctor. Side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, drowsiness and dizziness.

Davey Thrashmister should only be taken immediately before bedtime. Be sure you have at least eight hours to devote to Davey Thrashmister before becoming active. You should not engage in any activity after Davey Thrashmister that requires complete alertness, such as driving a car or operating machinery. You should use extreme care when engaging in these activities the morning after Davey Thrashmister.  Do not use Davey Thrashmister for extended periods without first talking to your doctor. Side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, drowsiness and dizziness.


Burns, Bruises and Soreness

Burns, Bruises and Soreness


apathy, remorse, regret...

depression,regression,apprehension...

depression,regression,apprehension...


Thesaurus, Thesaurus, Thesaurus...

Burns, Bruises and Soreness


Chafing, rashes, or temporary blindness

Use of a Davey Thrashmister may cause itching or swelling.  Davey Thrashmister should only be taken with a meal.  Call your doctor if any unusual symptoms occur

The Davey Thrashmister was charged before shipment and is ready for use.  It may be necessary, however, to recharge the Davey Thrashmister after long transport prior to first use to ensure maximum performance.

Davey Thrashmister is protected by international copyright and patent laws; however, additional protection may be required to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

Davey Thrashmister is protected by international copyright and patent laws; however, additional protection may be required to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
confucius say, anyone counting on copyright and patent law to prevent unwanted pregnancy is destined to have large family.

Davey Thrashmister is protected by international copyright and patent laws; however, additional protection may be required to prevent unwanted pregnancy.


Something about protecting the world from demon spawn. . .  ;D

Don't expose him to fire... :o ;D

Local, state, and federal laws and legal counsel should be consulted prior to engaging in any physical encounters with Davey Thrashmister. It cannot be assumed that all necessary warning and precautionary measures are contained in this publication; additional information may be required.

What if he starts to rust?  ???

What if he starts to rust?  ???


WD-40

Davey Thrashmister is only 97% effective against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. 

WD-40


What if that doesn't work?

What if that doesn't work?


I think if you paint him with Rustoleum paint then he should not rust if left out on the patio in the rain....  ;D

I think if you paint him with Rustoleum paint then he should not rust if left out on the patio in the rain....  ;D


And I hope it rains! ;D

Davey Thrashmister must be kept in a proper storage container to prevent leaks and contamination.

the manufacturer encourages creative uses of the neck hook.

the manufacturer encourages creative uses of the neck hook.



What about other parts of the body? ???

Just the neck hook.

Just the neck hook.


Ok then,the neck hook.

Davey Thrashmister: 60% of the time it works every time.

Davey Thrashmister: 60% of the time it works every time.


What's the other 40?

What's the other 40?



She was quoting Anchorman.

She was quoting Anchorman.


Oh Ok,I'm sorry.

Harmful if swallowed.



(actually, harmful if even thinking about it.)

Harmful if swallowed.



(actually, harmful if even thinking about it.)


Boooooooong.

Contains moving parts.

Harmful if swallowed.



(actually, harmful if even thinking about it.)


Why would anyone want to swallow him? :P

Why would anyone want to swallow him? :P


glad you feel that way, howard. :P

Davey Thrashmister features graphic violence and nudity and might  not be suitable for all audiences.

Why would anyone want to swallow him? :P



Because it's considered impolite not to.

Because it's considered impolite not to.


:-X

Because it's considered impolite not to.


good answer. should have thought f that.

i owe you a drink.

good answer. should have thought f that.

i owe you a drink.



Make it a Cosmo with an extra cherry.

Make it a Cosmo with an extra cherry.


no prob.  you'll have to wait till Philly, though.


Davey Thrashmister is not transferable.

glad you feel that way, howard. :P

Davey Thrashmister features graphic violence and nudity and might  not be suitable for all audiences.


and also dry humping too... ;)

Davey Thrashmister is not transferable.


... not.. strictly true.

make sure he's recyclable.

Contains Black Metal

WARNING: The following show features stunts performed by Davey Thrashmister and/or total idiots. In either case, MTV insists that neither you or any of your dumb little buddies attempt the dangerous crap in this show.
                           
            http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s78/AL-B_photos/jackass.jpg

Contains Black Metal


Ya know..

I've you'd got it right and spelt it 'ist kreig' instead of it's krieg..

But actually, I like that even better.

Black Metal - It's War. Sounds more like a movie headline.  ;D

Good work.

Ya know..

I've you'd got it right and spelt it 'ist kreig' instead of it's krieg..

But actually, I like that even better.

Black Metal - It's War. Sounds more like a movie headline.  ;D

Good work.


I found that one that way.......

I thought of you when I saw it.

I found that one that way.......

I thought of you when I saw it.


I'm glad to hear that you think of me often.

I'm glad to hear that you think of me often.



We all think of you often, Andy.  In fact, there's never a day that goes by when my mind doesn't wistfully wander toward visions of you.

I'm glad to hear that you think of me often.


I guess it's the Black Metal thing.

We all think of you often, Andy.  In fact, there's never a day that goes by when my mind doesn't wistfully wander toward visions of you.


That's cus you dig white-trash chic.

I guess it's the Black Metal thing.


Sure.  ;)

Sure.  ;)


O0

Does He have a warranty?