Red Ant has been Jacking up too many scores in the arcade. ;)

Huh?

Huh?


His name's Jack. He's been "Jacking up"... Har.

jacking off, you mean, yeah?

or am i just being that guy?

Meat! is jacking off :D

Meat! is jacking off :D


oh, well, THAT's news. ::)


;D

Don't blow that job.

Don't blow that job.


That's for spelling that out for us. I'm sure I wouldn't have picked up on that without the underlines.

That's for spelling that out for us. I'm sure I wouldn't have picked up on that without the underlines.


What the Hell is he talking about?

What the Hell is he talking about?


I think he may be implying something about not being able to accomplish some sort of task... o_O

I think he may be implying something about not being able to accomplish some sort of task... o_O



I wasn't implying anything. ::)

That's for spelling that out for us. I'm sure I wouldn't have picked up on that without the underlines.



I know, right.

One of the strings on my guitar broke.  I was afraid of that.

that's weird, i'm restringing a guitar right now.

I wasn't implying anything. ::)


No, you should be applying it, otherwise you are doing it wrong :P

No, you should be applying it, otherwise you are doing it wrong :P


That was so punny, I forgot to throw up.

That was so punny, I forgot to throw up.


or throw down

Heres the question but where's the pun? 

What is the smallest type of truck?

Heres the question but where's the pun? 

What is the smallest type of truck?



I don't know.

a toe truck  :D

bob for apples.

You don't kneed to underline the words. 

I'll buy stationary now.

*Gets shot*

Person 1 “ How do you stop a vampire?”

Person 2 “ A steak through the heart.”

Person 1 “ Top sirloin? filet mignon?”

I'll buy stationary now.

*Gets shot*


You have yourself get shot a lot.

i officially call if there's no double meaning, it's not a pun. it's just a creative misspelling.

and if there's not a single meaning, it's not a creative misspelling. it's just weird.

You officially call? this is my post.  You're right about a double meaning.  They can also be a play on words such as telling M&M's to be their sweet little selves. 

You officially call?  yup, i'm invoking seniority. look at these stripes. drop and give me twenty!\

also, i belong to a superior race from another planet. that's gotta count for something.

You have yourself get shot a lot.


Alittle dark humor of sorts.

This is Master Bating...Is that a Pun?  ;D

Tia-  I'm related to Brak from Cartoon Planet. 

Tia-  I'm related to Brak from Cartoon Planet. 
holy crap! i was abducted by zorak once. i experienced a very puzzling and not altogether unpleasant variant of stockholm syndrome.

wait. i believe there's a knock at the door.

But lama that's where all the pun is
Llama always told me not to spit out saliva with my gum
But lama, that's where the pun is

But lama that's where all the pun is
Llama always told me not to spit out saliva with my gum
But lama, that's where the pun is






That's not a pun.

Two words each with different meanings is not a pun.  I'm getting board. 

I'm an invertebrate punster.

Spinelessly unable to resist a pun.

So slug me.

Stay out of my garden and don't bug me. ;)

catch the fly on the fly

you can say either either either or either.

(pronounced, "you can say eether aythur eethur or aythur." think about it! it's true!)

How I say either depends on whether I feel like a pirate or not.  How's the weather?

it's crap. we got six inches of snow.

no puns, just wintry irritation. sorry. and... not good pirate weather. which means you say eethur? or aythur? i'm not sure which a pirate would prefer.

A pirate would say ayethur.  Over here is a gray sky and rain. It's depressing.

AH! you punned me. i see. well done.

you can say either either either or either.

(pronounced, "you can say eether aythur eethur or aythur." think about it! it's true!)



neither,neither Let's call the whole thing off. ;D

AH! you punned me. i see. well done.


Aye and keep your eyes open whether you think there might be a pun or knot.

"You look pretty dirty".  "I'm even prettier when I'm clean".

You look pretty ugly.

You look pretty ugly.



THAT'S an oxymoron.

I wanted to exercise last night but it just didn't work out.

The patient lost his patients while waiting in the lobby.

hmm... bump

At one time I worked in a fire hydrant factory.  I developed a mobility problem and had to quit because I couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Once I went to see a movie and I parked in a tow away zone.  When the movie ended I tried to get back to my car but it was really confusing.  The entire area was gone.

Ever seen a blue sign that reads "Hospital Parking"?  I didn't know they could be parked, let alone driven.

And how about the truck stops that bear a sign saying "Eat here, get gas"?

too many fire hydrants  I see

said the blind man to the deaf woman who picked up his hammer and saw

Most states I've been in have scales on the roads for trucks.  Sometimes the scales are open and there is usually a state trooper there to weigh the rigs and fine them if they violate weight restrictions.  In Iowa they have a peculiar sign.  It reads:

Weigh Station Ahead - All trucks over 6,000 pounds must weigh.  

I always wondered about those signs.  All trucks over 6,000 pounds must weigh - Hmm - must weight what?  A lot?

not very clear is it?

It's clearly ambiguous, but then that is an oxymoron.  I had to say that it is an oxymoron for Howard's benefit.

I see again

Highway sign that I saw in the Maryland mountains:

Steep grades sharp turns drop offs no guard rails next 20 miles be alert!

Be a lert?  Maryland must have a shortage of lerts so be a lert.

be a small furry woodland creature?

My favorite highway traffic sign is the one that says "No Left Turn".  Not only does it tell you that doing so is a violation of the law it also gives some sound advice.

But I'm deaf and cant hear

But I'm deaf and cant hear


Is that anything like being deaf in one ear and not being able to hear out of the other?

huh?  If you're deaf in one ear then you're deaf in one ear.  Each of my ears work differently.

I was  just saying if the sign talks, I won't be able to hear it.  Cant help but wonder if your tringing to make a joke  or ask me something.

I was  just saying if the sign talks, I won't be able to hear it.  Cant help but wonder if your tringing to make a joke  or ask me something.



  I was referring to the kinds of signs that one would read, so if you were blind in one eye and couldn't see out of the other then you wouldn't even know that there was a one there.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A man has a family heirloom.  It is a grandfather clock.  For over 100 years the clock, as long as it remained in a wound condition, would most dutifully tell time and sound off with a rhythmic tick-tock tick-tock.  One day the ticking stopped.  Now it just went tick tick tick tick.

There was a clock shop in a small town near to where the man lived.  He loaded the clock into his pick-up truck and drove to the clock repair shop.  He brought the clock in and was greeted by the owner, an older man with a German accent.  "vat can I do for you"? he asked".  The man said "listen to my clock".  The clock repair man said "Zo, vat seems to be ze problem"?  The man says" listen to it.  "It is missing its tock".  "It only goes tick tick and it used to go tick tock."  ”I want it to go tick-tock again"

The old man said "zo, I zee, I zee".  With that he went into the back room and brought out a large flash light.  The man though he needed better light.  The old man then shined the light right into the face of the clock and said "Ve have vays uf making you tock".

I had a beautiful dogwood tree once, but I had to put it down.  It lost its bark...

^ that's so sad  :\'(

^ that's so sad  :\'(


Yes - it was a treemendous loss.  ::)

Yes - it was a treemendous loss.   ::)


and it went out on a limb.

and it went out on a limb.


It was more like being torn limb from limb.

It was more like being torn limb from limb.


Don't leaf it this way.

Don't leaf it this way.


I didn't, I laid it to rest in Deadwood, South Dakota.

Was the bark worse than it's bite?

Was the bark worse than it's bite?


No, Howard it was not, for it lost its bark, remember?  The only "bite" in Deadwood S.D. is during its extremely cold winter.