Lately I have been so depressed, thinking about how my parent's are getting older...and not only my parents...but my grandparents as well. So many memories have included my grandparents...and I know that they won't be around forever, but it is hard for me to imagine life without them. I am extremely close to my family...and just the thought of being without any of them, sends me into panic. I know death is inevitable...but time is going so fast, and it seems like all I think about anymore is the past (when everyone was still alive and young, and full of memories). I live in the past SO much, it's not even funny. It's hard for me to even progress into the future because I just don't want to let go of things from my childhood.  I cannot believe that my parents are nearly both 60 years old....to me, that seems nearly impossible. :-\\  Are any of you like that?

Yeah I feel like that-it seems impossible that they will be gone. My mom is 63 this year and my dad has been gone now for over 11 years. Right now a friends grandmother is on her deathbed and I know what they are going through. Its hard to think of people now being here anymore-but (even when you know they are dying) the last days sre the hardest-basically waiting with them for the end to come.

Yeah I feel like that-it seems impossible that they will be gone. My mom is 63 this year and my dad has been gone now for over 11 years. Right now a friends grandmother is on her deathbed and I know what they are going through. Its hard to think of people now being here anymore-but (even when you know they are dying) the last days sre the hardest-basically waiting with them for the end to come.



Yes, it's very hard in the end. I get scared all the time that my parents will call me and say, "your grandma or grandpap died"....I don't know how I will be able to handle that.

BTW, it's nice to see you here Tina! :)

Lately I have been so depressed, thinking about how my parent's are getting older...and not only my parents...but my grandparents as well. So many memories have included my grandparents...and I know that they won't be around forever, but it is hard for me to imagine life without them. I am extremely close to my family...and just the thought of being without any of them, sends me into panic. I know death is inevitable...but time is going so fast, and it seems like all I think about anymore is the past (when everyone was still alive and young, and full of memories). I live in the past SO much, it's not even funny. It's hard for me to even progress into the future because I just don't want to let go of things from my childhood.  I cannot believe that my parents are nearly both 60 years old....to me, that seems nearly impossible. :-\\  Are any of you like that?

Quirk you're a sweet person,i wish i felt like that about my family too.
But i think it's how life is,you're suppose to see your parents grow old and one day say goodbye to them,but no one wants that or is prepared for it. I think you shouldn't worry about that now,and just enjoy your time with them :)


Yeah I feel like that-it seems impossible that they will be gone. My mom is 63 this year and my dad has been gone now for over 11 years. Right now a friends grandmother is on her deathbed and I know what they are going through. Its hard to think of people now being here anymore-but (even when you know they are dying) the last days sre the hardest-basically waiting with them for the end to come.

I'm sorry for you loss. I hope you have good memories of your Dad to comfort you.

Quirk you're a sweet person,i wish i felt like that about my family too.
But i think it's how life is,you're suppose to see your parents grow old and one day say goodbye to them,but no one wants that or is prepared for it. I think you shouldn't worry about that now,and just enjoy your time with them :)




thank you! :)  I've always been a very sentimental kind of person.

My grandmother is 98 years young. We are planning her 100 birthday bash for next year. Yeah, we know that she isn't going to be around forever. It won't be a surprise when it does happen but it will still be a blow.




Cat

I often worry about my Grandparents passing on, especially since my Grandma often says that she knows she won't be around much longer.  I don't like to hear her talk like that  :\'(

I often worry about my Grandparents passing on, especially since my Grandma often says that she knows she won't be around much longer.  I don't like to hear her talk like that  :\'(



I'm with you...I hate when my parents talk and dwell on the fact that they are getting older. :-\\

My mother has been "dying" for years. If you look in the dictionary under "Hypocrondriac", it will say "See my mother". The problem is, I am so used to hearing her complain about this and that so when something really IS wrong, I don't know whether to worry or if it is just her dramatics again.



Cat

My mother has been "dying" for years. If you look in the dictionary under "Hypocrondriac", it will say "See my mother".



Cat



that's a good one! :D


I know what you mean...my mom always has some sort of ailment as well. ;D

My mother has been "dying" for years. If you look in the dictionary under "Hypocrondriac", it will say "See my mother". The problem is, I am so used to hearing her complain about this and that so when something really IS wrong, I don't know whether to worry or if it is just her dramatics again.



Cat
My mother too!!  ;D She has had so many tests you wouldn't believe, everyone of them completely clear.

that's a good one! :D


I know what you mean...my mom always has some sort of ailment as well. ;D



I almost choked one time when I was talking to her. She was talking about her lastest ailment and said, "Well, you know me, I don't complain about something unless it is bad."  Yeah, right!  ::)  When I told that to Carlos, he just started laughing.



Cat

I worry more about myself aging than my father (my mother passed away in 2005), actually I worry for my children.  I'm 37 and my kids are only 6 and 3.  Sometimes I wish I had been in my early 20's when I started my family, instead of my 30's. 

I worry more about myself aging than my father (my mother passed away in 2005), actually I worry for my children.  I'm 37 and my kids are only 6 and 3.  Sometimes I wish I had been in my early 20's when I started my family, instead of my 30's. 



See, I agree with you Carol.  I always told myself, if I don't have a child by the time I am 30...then I am not having one. Well, I will be turning 30 in a few weeks....and I have never had my own child (we have Vaughn, but he is my nephew).  I just don't know if I want to have one at an age older than I am now. My mom had Beth when she was like 39 years old...and she was always tired to do the active motherly kind of stuff when Beth was growing up...and I don't want that.  It's kind of disappointing though...I'd really love to have a child of my own...but I just don't know if that is in my cards. I know Chris wants a child...but I just don't know if I want to go through the process of it all.

My maternal grandparents both died relatively young in their 60's. My grandfather died of cancer at the age of 66. My grandmother died suddenly of a bloodclot in the lung at the age of 63. She was also the proverbial 'hypochondriac', but then when she collapsed in her floor one day, and was fighting for her life for 36 hours on a ventilator, it made me realize how precious life is. She wasn't ready to die, I know that. My grandfather, he was more accepting of his death and had time to prepare his goodbyes, etc.. Grandma never had that chance. Nor did we have that chance with her. My father died in 2000 at the age of 61. His lifestyle of longtime drinking and smoking destroyed his heart. I am racked with guilt over my father's death at times, because I didn't go see him before work that morning that he died, but at the same time, I know that I was there for him the last few months of his life. I think that we grew closer in my adulthood, than I was ever in my childhood. It was draining to see him suffer, and also draining on me as well, being the oldest child. Not that my youngest brother didn't do his share. He did. My middle brother has been estranged from our family for years and my dream of him and my dad making amends before my dad's death, never came to pass. Now my mom is 62, and judging by my grandparents and my dad, she's sort of living on 'borrowed time'. That sounds terrible I know, but our family track record for longevity isn't the greatest. The thing is, human nature and circumstances don't always make for ideal goodbyes.. If only we all could let go of issues, hurts and things in the past, and just love each other and accept each other. I envy families that are able to do that. Mine is not one of those families. I do worry that my mom will up and die on us and my brothers and I will just end up being further fragmented.
I also look at my own life and my own circumstances and think.. if I die in my 60's well 2/3 of my life is over now. But the thing is.. We can't think like that. We can't worry about what tomorrow will bring. If we are lucky enough to have good memories of the past, we need to cherish those memories. And we need to continue to create new memories. Because that's what will get us through, when the inevitable happens.

My maternal grandparents both died relatively young in their 60's. My grandfather died of cancer at the age of 66. My grandmother died suddenly of a bloodclot in the lung at the age of 63. She was also the proverbial 'hypochondriac', but then when she collapsed in her floor one day, and was fighting for her life for 36 hours on a ventilator, it made me realize how precious life is. She wasn't ready to die, I know that. My grandfather, he was more accepting of his death and had time to prepare his goodbyes, etc.. Grandma never had that chance. Nor did we have that chance with her. My father died in 2000 at the age of 61. His lifestyle of longtime drinking and smoking destroyed his heart. I am racked with guilt over my father's death at times, because I didn't go see him before work that morning that he died, but at the same time, I know that I was there for him the last few months of his life. I think that we grew closer in my adulthood, than I was ever in my childhood. It was draining to see him suffer, and also draining on me as well, being the oldest child. Not that my youngest brother didn't do his share. He did. My middle brother has been estranged from our family for years and my dream of him and my dad making amends before my dad's death, never came to pass. Now my mom is 62, and judging by my grandparents and my dad, she's sort of living on 'borrowed time'. That sounds terrible I know, but our family track record for longevity isn't the greatest. The thing is, human nature and circumstances don't always make for ideal goodbyes.. If only we all could let go of issues, hurts and things in the past, and just love each other and accept each other. I envy families that are able to do that. Mine is not one of those families. I do worry that my mom will up and die on us and my brothers and I will just end up being further fragmented.
I also look at my own life and my own circumstances and think.. if I die in my 60's well 2/3 of my life is over now. But the thing is.. We can't think like that. We can't worry about what tomorrow will bring. If we are lucky enough to have good memories of the past, we need to cherish those memories. And we need to continue to create new memories. Because that's what will get us through, when the inevitable happens.



Beautifully put.

Beautifully put.
unfortunately, it's not a icing perfect answer.. but it's what gets me through. If I were to sit and realize how truly sad my family is or has become it would drive one crazy. We can't make people do things or say things just because we want them to be. No matter how well our intentions may be. I tend to get long winded, on these sorts of topics.. but it's not often I open up about my personal life to people on here. I just thought it might help Erin realize that if she has great memories, and a loving family, well then she truly is blessed. And no need to worry about what might have been or what is yet to come.  :)

unfortunately, it's not a icing perfect answer.. but it's what gets me through. If I were to sit and realize how truly sad my family is or has become it would drive one crazy. We can't make people do things or say things just because we want them to be. No matter how well our intentions may be. I tend to get long winded, on these sorts of topics.. but it's not often I open up about my personal life to people on here. I just thought it might help Erin realize that if she has great memories, and a loving family, well then she truly is blessed. And no need to worry about what might have been or what is yet to come.  :)


No, you are absolutely right.  I had the most incredible mother in the world, and the closest family in the world, and my mom died, and now we're all sort of adrift.  You have to really appreciate the time you have when you have it, because you never know when it's going to end.  Even though I lost my mom way too early, I have the most amazing memories of her, and I had a wonderful relationship with her, and I will cherish that for the rest of my life.

I am often a worry wort about losing family members. Luckily, both of my parents are still alive, but they each have their ailments. My mother is going to be 55 in May and has been dealing with MS since 2002. She's recovered well, but the thought of another relapse always strikes fear in my mind, especially now that I no longer live with her. My father will be 58 in August and I also worry about his cholesterol and cancer. His mother passed from a rare cancer in her late '40s, so I know he's not exempt from getting cancer. Seeing my grandparents head into their '80s and '90s also scares me a bit, but I am trying to prepare myself the best way I can for their passing. And of course, my Aunts and Uncles are also aging, but they have aged well, I must say.

I guess no matter what there is this impending doom about someone very close to you dying. It's something we must not think about. I have pretty much learned the more I think of these thoughts, the less living I'm doing and costing myself a fulfilling life. I will always look out for family members and be there for them at the worst of times and the best of times. I've lost some close people the last few years, and it's really taught me the value of maintaining relationships to those closest to me and to withhold judgement of others.

my family is older, but doing well. i try to have fun still while everyone is here. i don'tn worry about it.
i did't live here when my grandmother died and i'm sorry i didnt get to spend time with her. so live while you can!

My parents are both in their seventies and I'm slowly beginning to realize they won't be around forever. It's hard for me to imagine life without them...
But I have to be realistic about it: both my mother and my father are not in the best of health (anymore), and they're not getting any younger too. We still go on holidays together, though, and we will continue to do so until my father can't drive my mother's car anymore, I suppose.(As some of you may know, my mother is confined to a wheelchair since she had a stroke back in 1987). My mother lost her last two remaining siblings around a year ago, which doesn't make things easier for her (or us). My fathers brothers are both still alive, although the oldest of the two has Alzheimer...
As for my grandparents: they're all long gone. I've never even met my mothers parents, as they both died way before I was born.

So yes... I  am seriously worrying.


I worry more about myself aging than my father (my mother passed away in 2005), actually I worry for my children.  I'm 37 and my kids are only 6 and 3.  Sometimes I wish I had been in my early 20's when I started my family, instead of my 30's. 




See, I agree with you Carol.  I always told myself, if I don't have a child by the time I am 30...then I am not having one. Well, I will be turning 30 in a few weeks....and I have never had my own child (we have Vaughn, but he is my nephew).  I just don't know if I want to have one at an age older than I am now. My mom had Beth when she was like 39 years old...and she was always tired to do the active motherly kind of stuff when Beth was growing up...and I don't want that.  It's kind of disappointing though...I'd really love to have a child of my own...but I just don't know if that is in my cards. I know Chris wants a child...but I just don't know if I want to go through the process of it all.


I can't give you any advice on the matter, but I do know that putting things off probably isn't the best thing to do.
I've recently turned 40, and still being single I sometimes realize that I probably won't have children of my own anymore. Not sure if that's such a bad thing per se - I somehow feel like I'm not really fit for fatherhood. But then... I'll probably never really know... :-\\ :\'(

Yeah,I worry about them sometimes especially my Grandmother who lives in Florida is almost 90(god bless her)My Grandfather who died in 1989 of a heart attack.

My father is 65 has some arthritis in his back and My Mother who'll be 62 is retiring next year,She's a teacher's aide for children with disabilities who's been working for 12 years in 1 school and alltogether who took care of kids in our house for 25 years.She's getting a good pension in 2008.

My parents are still relatively young (Dad just turned 49 and my Mom will be 46 in June), but I worry about them. My dad has a lot of complications with his back and knee and my mom will eventually need to have a kidney removed because of a long standing problem with it. Both of my grandfathers are dead, but my mom's mom is still spry (although she is suffering from a bout of depression) and my dad's mom isn't that well. She has moments of forgetfulness and she's diabetic.

I try not to think about death a lot, but it's all around and you can't really get away from it. :-\\

I hope my parents live to see me marry. :(

My maternal grandparents both died relatively young in their 60's. My grandfather died of cancer at the age of 66. My grandmother died suddenly of a bloodclot in the lung at the age of 63. She was also the proverbial 'hypochondriac', but then when she collapsed in her floor one day, and was fighting for her life for 36 hours on a ventilator, it made me realize how precious life is. She wasn't ready to die, I know that. My grandfather, he was more accepting of his death and had time to prepare his goodbyes, etc.. Grandma never had that chance. Nor did we have that chance with her. My father died in 2000 at the age of 61. His lifestyle of longtime drinking and smoking destroyed his heart. I am racked with guilt over my father's death at times, because I didn't go see him before work that morning that he died, but at the same time, I know that I was there for him the last few months of his life. I think that we grew closer in my adulthood, than I was ever in my childhood. It was draining to see him suffer, and also draining on me as well, being the oldest child. Not that my youngest brother didn't do his share. He did. My middle brother has been estranged from our family for years and my dream of him and my dad making amends before my dad's death, never came to pass. Now my mom is 62, and judging by my grandparents and my dad, she's sort of living on 'borrowed time'. That sounds terrible I know, but our family track record for longevity isn't the greatest. The thing is, human nature and circumstances don't always make for ideal goodbyes.. If only we all could let go of issues, hurts and things in the past, and just love each other and accept each other. I envy families that are able to do that. Mine is not one of those families. I do worry that my mom will up and die on us and my brothers and I will just end up being further fragmented.
I also look at my own life and my own circumstances and think.. if I die in my 60's well 2/3 of my life is over now. But the thing is.. We can't think like that. We can't worry about what tomorrow will bring. If we are lucky enough to have good memories of the past, we need to cherish those memories. And we need to continue to create new memories. Because that's what will get us through, when the inevitable happens.




beautifully stated, Angel. :)

My grandparents are all long gone, they all went pretty young.  :-\\ It is kinda weird seeing everyone grow up, times are so different to when they were 10 years ago, even 5 years ago. I sure hope my parents will outlive my grandparents (make it past their 60s).

I try not to think about this sort of thing too often, aging & dying is just a fact of life.

this is weird, people with parents younger than me are worried about them aging, now how in the F does that make me feel  ;D  ;D I'm friggin dying here.  I have no living grandparents and only my dad who isn't much more than a casual friend but my wife's parent's are the ones I do care about with her mom and dad closing in on 80, but they are both in good health, and all of her grandparents are gone, but all lived well into their 90's. My mom was on 58, died young of cancer but I spent the last 3 weeks of her life visiting her in the hospital, and to me that made up for most of the pain and heartache that I caused her. We really bonded and loved one another in her last few days.

I worry more about them aging and becoming unable to look after themselves than about them dying.  My mum's dad had a series of strokes a number of years ago and the strain of looking after him (and not herself) killed my grandmother.  My grandad is now 91 and lives in a home because caring for him became too much for everyone.

My dad had a triple bypass due to his heart problems at a relatively young age (he was in his forties).  We thought he was more or less stable until last year when he suffered another heart attack.  He is still waiting to go and have an angiogram to see if he needs another bypass or similar operation.  My mum suffers from Lupus and Reynauds so she needs to keep herself stress-fre, fit and warm to prevent anything flaring up.

As I mentioned here last year my father-in-law passed away in early September.  In a way it was a blessing he went relatively quickly and before he was a burden to look after. Mt mother-in-law could not have coped with him if he had become immobile.  Now of course we worry about Jean living on her own.  obviously if she really needs us urgently we can be there in about 3 hours but its not the same as being able to pop in for a chat when she needs one.

Seeing how my in-laws have been in the past couple of years has made me speak to my parents about a few things.  1) get an interest that they can maintain if when they are not fully fit and 2) mum should start driving again. 






I always told myself, if I don't have a child by the time I am 30...then I am not having one. Well, I will be turning 30 in a few weeks....and I have never had my own child (we have Vaughn, but he is my nephew).  I just don't know if I want to have one at an age older than I am now. 

Never say never.  I was 29 when my daughter was born and 32 when my son was born.  I wanted to wait until I was settled and had finished studying before starting a family.


I know Chris wants a child...but I just don't know if I want to go through the process of it all


Which part of it?  Morning sickness?  You might not suffer from it - I didn't.  The pain of labour?  That's what epidurals are for!  Or gas and air..... doesn't take away the pain but you don't care about it at all.

After all it can't be that bad.  Lots of women do it more than once!

Lately I have been so depressed, thinking about how my parent's are getting older...and not only my parents...but my grandparents as well. So many memories have included my grandparents...and I know that they won't be around forever, but it is hard for me to imagine life without them. I am extremely close to my family...and just the thought of being without any of them, sends me into panic. I know death is inevitable...but time is going so fast, and it seems like all I think about anymore is the past (when everyone was still alive and young, and full of memories). I live in the past SO much, it's not even funny. It's hard for me to even progress into the future because I just don't want to let go of things from my childhood.  I cannot believe that my parents are nearly both 60 years old....to me, that seems nearly impossible. :-\\  Are any of you like that?


*karma for sharing that*

Yes, I've thought this way for years! Actually, I'd say the fact that many of my relatives are cooler and act/look younger than their real ages makes it even more painful to realize they're aging and moving into a different stage of life. It's like time's way of saying that nobody's immortal. Whereas if they were boring and apeared older or something, it would feel not quite at shocking.

Honestly, I worry about the whole "getting old" thing with my dad more since he's almost 69 now (born in 1938). For my mom, it's more health-related since both my grandparents on that side died in only their 60s from smoking, and mom still does it, so it's useless for me to try and pretend that couldn't happen to her too in about 10 or 15 years.

Given that my memories start around 1984 or '85, it's basically like the impression of my parents (and anything or anyone else in the world, for that matter) begins there and everything since is just like a slow extrapolation of that. Like, imagine you're looking through the windshield of a car as you drive through a certain part of town. Even though you know you're advancing to somwhere else, from your perspective, you started one place, so the entire trip sorta has its "roots" there.

Like I said, I can recall back to when my dad was about 47 and slowly advancing from there, so I hate the idea of him approaching senior citizen age. It doesn't seem natural since I've only seen the time go one way. My mind thinks of him as "upper middle age" still (I mean, even in 1998 he was only 60 and still working in an office, etc). I can remember my mom being 30. Since she was in some ways more like a big sister when I was growing up, seeing my "youngish" parent aging jolts me even more into how the times are changing. I also have a 76-year old uncle who still smokes and who had triple bypass surgery for a heart attack caused by that years ago.

I think witnessing all of my grandparents passing away at a relatively young age (some from natural causes) made me more aware of things like this happening in the world, and hence, more worryful about them.

All these things probably have something to do with the reason "nostalgia" started for me when I was around 12. ;) Like I've said thousands of times before, I believe there is a sense of safety in the past, since we know how it turns out to an extent. Whereas, on the other hand, nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow, so as we go into the future, it's like we're hanging on, never quite knowing what to expect at the next corner.

Yet, on the other hand, today would be the same kind of "safety net" to someone in 2015 or 2020, so it's all relative.

See, I agree with you Carol.  I always told myself, if I don't have a child by the time I am 30...then I am not having one. Well, I will be turning 30 in a few weeks....and I have never had my own child (we have Vaughn, but he is my nephew).  I just don't know if I want to have one at an age older than I am now. My mom had Beth when she was like 39 years old...and she was always tired to do the active motherly kind of stuff when Beth was growing up...and I don't want that.  It's kind of disappointing though...I'd really love to have a child of my own...but I just don't know if that is in my cards. I know Chris wants a child...but I just don't know if I want to go through the process of it all.


If you both want a child you should definitely have one.  You don't want to get older and then regret the fact that you never had your own.  You think you're dwelling on stuff now, you will certainly be dwelling on the fact that you never had kids.  And even if you don't have tons of energy to play with them all the time, I'm sure you would have plenty of love to share with them.  I think what is more important is that they have your attention, patience(this is a hard one hehe), love and respect.  I never planned on having kids.  I used to swear up and down that I'd never have any.  The only reason I had them is because my husband wanted kids.  But now I'm glad that I have them and I know that they've made my life better is so many ways.  They are the best thing that's happened to me.  I wouldn't worry about the process of it all either.  It's really not that bad.  I mean, it's not fun to go through, but it's worth it.

I worry more about them aging and becoming unable to look after themselves than about them dying.  My mum's dad had a series of strokes a number of years ago and the strain of looking after him (and not herself) killed my grandmother.  My grandad is now 91 and lives in a home because caring for him became too much for everyone.

My dad had a triple bypass due to his heart problems at a relatively young age (he was in his forties).  We thought he was more or less stable until last year when he suffered another heart attack.  He is still waiting to go and have an angiogram to see if he needs another bypass or similar operation.  My mum suffers from Lupus and Reynauds so she needs to keep herself stress-fre, fit and warm to prevent anything flaring up.

As I mentioned here last year my father-in-law passed away in early September.  In a way it was a blessing he went relatively quickly and before he was a burden to look after. Mt mother-in-law could not have coped with him if he had become immobile.  Now of course we worry about Jean living on her own.  obviously if she really needs us urgently we can be there in about 3 hours but its not the same as being able to pop in for a chat when she needs one.

Seeing how my in-laws have been in the past couple of years has made me speak to my parents about a few things.  1) get an interest that they can maintain if when they are not fully fit and 2) mum should start driving again. 





Never say never.  I was 29 when my daughter was born and 32 when my son was born.  I wanted to wait until I was settled and had finished studying before starting a family.

Which part of it?  Morning sickness?  You might not suffer from it - I didn't.  The pain of labour?  That's what epidurals are for!  Or gas and air..... doesn't take away the pain but you don't care about it at all.

After all it can't be that bad.  Lots of women do it more than once!



I understand that. Both my parents live alone and they are no spring chickens (both in their 70s). My dad has had a series of heart related problems within the last several years. Yes, he did have a heart attack but he didn't know-they found scar tissue.  :o  He is doing well these days and keeps active as much as he can (he has a stationary bike that he uses everyday). My mother just had a hip replacement last year and while in the hospital, suffered a heart attack because of the meds they gave her (which it was stated on her records that she was NOT to be given that  >:( >:( ). I thought about getting my mother one of those Life Alert thingys-where people wear it around their neck and if they are in trouble, they can press the button and help will arrive. (My dad wouldn't want one.)  I contacted all my siblings about chipping in for one and only one of my sisters had expessed that our mother could use one but she is not in a position to help out (she is dealing with her father-in-law and trying to get him into a nursing home). My mother is all for the idea but she expects US (her kids) to pay for it. We don't want to do this alone. If each one of my siblings kicked in a bit a month it wouldn't be so bad. But no one wants to.  So meanwhile, my mother is without one.



Cat

My 3 remaning grandparents that I knew died within a 3-4 year period between mid 1993-and late 1996 and now I have no living grandparents and haven't for 10 years. My parents are in their mid 50's now and its hard to believe their nearing their 60's but they are. My Dad has health problems because he is heavier than he should be. My mom's the other way around she looks like she's in her mid to late 40's because she has great anti-genes within her family and she takes good care of herself. My fathers uncle is still alive and he;s still active in his early 90's.

I'm 27 myself and I'm not married now I'm getting kinda parinoid because eventually I want to get married and have a family and have a career. It gets hard for woman to bare a child in her 40's and plus I'm really not interested in raising a little kid when in my mid 40's. I'll be lin my mid early 60's once that kid becomes a teenager.

See, I agree with you Carol.  I always told myself, if I don't have a child by the time I am 30...then I am not having one. Well, I will be turning 30 in a few weeks....and I have never had my own child (we have Vaughn, but he is my nephew).  I just don't know if I want to have one at an age older than I am now. My mom had Beth when she was like 39 years old...and she was always tired to do the active motherly kind of stuff when Beth was growing up...and I don't want that.  It's kind of disappointing though...I'd really love to have a child of my own...but I just don't know if that is in my cards. I know Chris wants a child...but I just don't know if I want to go through the process of it all.



I had resigned to the fact that I will never have my own children about 10 years ago. Most of the time I am fine with it but there are some days....




Cat

The question is who will see me get married If It winds up happening that one of my parents are no longer living? :(

Never say never.  I was 29 when my daughter was born and 32 when my son was born.  I wanted to wait until I was settled and had finished studying before starting a family.

Which part of it?  Morning sickness?  You might not suffer from it - I didn't.  The pain of labour?  That's what epidurals are for!  Or gas and air..... doesn't take away the pain but you don't care about it at all.

After all it can't be that bad.  Lots of women do it more than once!



You are right Karen....I know I am still young, and I look at it this way..if it is meant to happen, then it will. The process I mean, is the whole infant stage...terrible two's, etc...you see, Vaughn is almost 5, and he was a really difficult child to raise (he still is)....but I am excited that he will be starting school (getting into the routine of things). I really want to go back to work/school....being at home has been really difficult for me...I am very restless.



*karma for sharing that*

Yes, I've thought this way for years! Actually, I'd say the fact that many of my relatives are cooler and act/look younger than their real ages makes it even more painful to realize they're aging and moving into a different stage of life. It's like time's way of saying that nobody's immortal. Whereas if they were boring and apeared older or something, it would feel not quite at shocking.

Honestly, I worry about the whole "getting old" thing with my dad more since he's almost 69 now (born in 1938). For my mom, it's more health-related since both my grandparents on that side died in only their 60s from smoking, and mom still does it, so it's useless for me to try and pretend that couldn't happen to her too in about 10 or 15 years.

Given that my memories start around 1984 or '85, it's basically like the impression of my parents (and anything or anyone else in the world, for that matter) begins there and everything since is just like a slow extrapolation of that. Like, imagine you're looking through the windshield of a car as you drive through a certain part of town. Even though you know you're advancing to somwhere else, from your perspective, you started one place, so the entire trip sorta has its "roots" there.

Like I said, I can recall back to when my dad was about 47 and slowly advancing from there, so I hate the idea of him approaching senior citizen age. It doesn't seem natural since I've only seen the time go one way. My mind thinks of him as "upper middle age" still (I mean, even in 1998 he was only 60 and still working in an office, etc). I can remember my mom being 30. Since she was in some ways more like a big sister when I was growing up, seeing my "youngish" parent aging jolts me even more into how the times are changing. I also have a 76-year old uncle who still smokes and who had triple bypass surgery for a heart attack caused by that years ago.

I think witnessing all of my grandparents passing away at a relatively young age (some from natural causes) made me more aware of things like this happening in the world, and hence, more worryful about them.

All these things probably have something to do with the reason "nostalgia" started for me when I was around 12. ;) Like I've said thousands of times before, I believe there is a sense of safety in the past, since we know how it turns out to an extent. Whereas, on the other hand, nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow, so as we go into the future, it's like we're hanging on, never quite knowing what to expect at the next corner.

Yet, on the other hand, today would be the same kind of "safety net" to someone in 2015 or 2020, so it's all relative.



thank you for sharing your viewpoint on the matter too....you have a very good way of "putting things" :)



If you both want a child you should definitely have one.  You don't want to get older and then regret the fact that you never had your own.  You think you're dwelling on stuff now, you will certainly be dwelling on the fact that you never had kids.  And even if you don't have tons of energy to play with them all the time, I'm sure you would have plenty of love to share with them.  I think what is more important is that they have your attention, patience(this is a hard one hehe), love and respect.  I never planned on having kids.  I used to swear up and down that I'd never have any.  The only reason I had them is because my husband wanted kids.  But now I'm glad that I have them and I know that they've made my life better is so many ways.  They are the best thing that's happened to me.  I wouldn't worry about the process of it all either.  It's really not that bad.  I mean, it's not fun to go through, but it's worth it.



I think Chris wants one more than I do. I mean...yes, there are days where I would LOVE to have a child of my own (especially a little girl..I miss the Barbies, Strawberry Shortcake Dolls, My Little Pony, etc)...but other days, I feel like...do I really want to do this?  To be honest though, it's not like we haven't been trying....I just think maybe I am the type of person that will have a difficult time getting pregnant...my mom was the same way.  I think deep down I really would like to have a child...but it's just so hard with the financial aspect of it too...it's like we can never be ready, ya know?




I had resigned to the fact that I will never have my own children about 10 years ago. Most of the time I am fine with it but there are some days....




Cat



I know what you mean Cat....I think about that all the time...like in 10/15 years, will I be looking back...regretting that I didn't have one of my own. ??? :-\\

I worry about my Parents aging even though the both of them are in their 60's,What's going to happen 10-15 years from now? :(

I worry about my mom since she has two major heart attacks last year. she also has diabetes and it is making her kidneys bad. She has has two heart opperations and three kidney operations. She has to go on dialysis a couple times a month.  I also worry about myself-I am afraid of dying and I am also thinking of what the kids would do without me.

It's going to happen whether I worry or not.  My parents are edging toward their late 60s.  My mom lives nearby, and there's an implict agreement among my sisters and I that we'll all do what we can to look after her when she can no longer look after herself.  For now she's in good health.  She still works-full time, does grandma duties, and sends annoying emails. 

I'm estranged from my dad and intend no reunion.  This planet isn't big enough for the two of us!  My stepmother looks after him.  He's helpless without her.  He's not disabled, he's just such an a-hole he can't interface with the world well enough to get by.  I think my stepmother quit drinking and smoking.  If she carried on the way she was 20 years ago, she wouldn't have the opportunity to get old.  My dad's best friends are his La-Z-Boy and his remote control (Oh Awchie! -- if Archie Bunker was a hardcore left-winger with a PhD in American history, spoke three languages, and read Winston Churchill for fun, he'd by my dad!).  Anyway, he's overweight and out of shape, but I don't think the miserable old sod is interested in living to an advanced age.

My maternal grandparents lived to that advanced age, nana died at 93, grandpa died at 100.  When your loved ones get past 85, everything gets more dicey and much more expensive.  That's happening more and more these days. 

You are right Karen....I know I am still young, and I look at it this way..if it is meant to happen, then it will. The process I mean, is the whole infant stage...terrible two's, etc...you see, Vaughn is almost 5, and he was a really difficult child to raise (he still is)....but I am excited that he will be starting school (getting into the routine of things). I really want to go back to work/school....being at home has been really difficult for me...I am very restless.



I know from other posts you have made a little of Vaughns history (if you like).  Maybe some of that is why he's been difficult.  Perhaps early on he felt unsettled?

I've also read about your financial situation and realise that the pressure is there to start work.  I'm not sure what sort of work you might think of doing but is there any option to work evenings when Chris would be around or part-time to fit in with school and pay for child care.  I hated being at home even that short time of maternity leave so I work full-time and used a work place nursery until they started school.

Perhaps if things haven't happened yet you should get a job and relax about the whole process.  Friends of mine decided to give up on the whole thing and start breeding dogs instead.  Just over a year later she was expecting!

I know from other posts you have made a little of Vaughns history (if you like).  Maybe some of that is why he's been difficult.  Perhaps early on he felt unsettled?

I've also read about your financial situation and realise that the pressure is there to start work.  I'm not sure what sort of work you might think of doing but is there any option to work evenings when Chris would be around or part-time to fit in with school and pay for child care.  I hated being at home even that short time of maternity leave so I work full-time and used a work place nursery until they started school.

Perhaps if things haven't happened yet you should get a job and relax about the whole process.  Friends of mine decided to give up on the whole thing and start breeding dogs instead.  Just over a year later she was expecting!



Yes, I believe you are right about Vaughn....he is getting older and most likely discovering the truth about this situation.  I think I will just relax and not be concerned about the whole "having a baby" thing....get a job....and go from there. Like I said, if it happens...it happens....and if not, well than it was never meant to be. :)

Yes, I believe you are right about Vaughn....he is getting older and most likely discovering the truth about this situation.  I think I will just relax and not be concerned about the whole "having a baby" thing....get a job....and go from there. Like I said, if it happens...it happens....and if not, well than it was never meant to be. :)
A good friend of mine from high school tried for about 8 years to get pregnant with her husband.  Just when they had decided to start looking into fertility treatments or adoption and did the initial fertility "tests", she got pregnant :)

A good friend of mine from high school tried for about 8 years to get pregnant with her husband.  Just when they had decided to start looking into fertility treatments or adoption and did the initial fertility "tests", she got pregnant :)



that's what I've heard too...when you obsess too much over it...it is likely not to happen...I've heard that from several people.

that's what I've heard too...when you obsess too much over it...it is likely not to happen...I've heard that from several people.
Friends of ours had gone through all of the testing and stuff and were just waiting for the final pregnancy test to come back negative so they could start the treatment and, to their surprise, it came back positive.  I felt horrible one time when I was talking with a group of women about being/getting pregnant....I said "You could throw corn up there and it would grow in me", not knowing that one of the women had been going through fertility treatments and had just had a miscarriage :-[

Looking back through the thread, I realized I never answered the initial question so here goes:

Every day.  In the past few years, my parents' health has declined rapidly.  As some of you know, my mom has been battling cancer for close to 4 years now.  Treatment thus far has been fairly effective, but it seems that, just as the chemo is starting to really work, her body starts revolting and reacting horribly to it.  As it stands, she is on the last possible treatment available, one that is relatively new, but we won't know for a few months if it is effective or not.  Complicating the treatment is her diabetes, COPD, and previous stroke :-\\

My dad, on the other hand, is relatively healthy.  He has slight emphysema (yet still smokes) and aggressive macular degeneration, but other than that, nothing.  The treatment for the mac. deg. did not work so he is basically blind. 

We recently had to move my parents out of their house into a senior housing complex and will be getting rid of their car soon.  My mom didn't seem to have a problem moving, but getting rid of the car is hitting her pretty hard. :(

Perhaps if things haven't happened yet you should get a job and relax about the whole process.  Friends of mine decided to give up on the whole thing and start breeding dogs instead.  Just over a year later she was expecting!


That happened to me, I was working a stressful job as the manager of a credit card dept of a bank...I hated my job.  My husband had been trying to have a baby for a couple of years and nothing happened.  I quit that job and got a job a department store and I got pregnant shortly after being hired.

It's hard to think about but eventually old age and pain will creep up with them.They're fine now.My father's 65 and My Mother's 62 and both are in good health.I worry about them and who will take care of me if one of them are gone? :\'(

It's hard to think about but eventually old age and pain will creep up with them.They're fine now.My father's 65 and My Mother's 62 and both are in good health.I worry about them and who will take care of me if one of them are gone? :\'(



Howard, you're almost 33.  You can take care of yourself.  You'll have a job, you'll have money saved away in a bank account....you get your own place, pay your own bills and be your own man.

Howard, you're almost 33.  You can take care of yourself.  You'll have a job, you'll have money saved away in a bank account....you get your own place, pay your own bills and be your own man.


It's just hard to think about.My brother passed away 12 years ago and now I'm the only surviving child.I worry about myself sometimes. :(

Friends of ours had gone through all of the testing and stuff and were just waiting for the final pregnancy test to come back negative so they could start the treatment and, to their surprise, it came back positive.  I felt horrible one time when I was talking with a group of women about being/getting pregnant....I said "You could throw corn up there and it would grow in me", not knowing that one of the women had been going through fertility treatments and had just had a miscarriage :-[



oh yikes!
I don't think I am fertile at all...I just really have a feeling that I am not.  I know my mom had lots of problems getting pregnant...and I take after my mom a LOT....so I could have the same problems that she had.

oh yikes!
I don't think I am fertile at all...I just really have a feeling that I am not.  I know my mom had lots of problems getting pregnant...and I take after my mom a LOT....so I could have the same problems that she had.
If I could send you some fertility, I would.  I got pregnant all three times on "the pill" AND using condoms :o :o :o

If I could send you some fertility, I would.  I got pregnant all three times on "the pill" AND using condoms :o :o :o



OMG! That's amazing! The only time I ever used any form of BC is when I was with my ex....I didn't want to EVER have a child with him.  But...I haven't used anything in YEARS!

I'm always going to worry about the "what if's" and I do worry sometimes.I think they're starting to get a bit of Alzheimers.Just an hour or so ago,I was about to put my coffee in the microwave to warm it up then I saw 2 cold sausage patties in the microwave and My father forgot to take them out.It must be catching up with the both of them. :(

I'm always going to worry about the "what if's" and I do worry sometimes.I think they're starting to get a bit of Alzheimers.Just an hour or so ago,I was about to put my coffee in the microwave to warm it up then I saw 2 cold sausage patties in the microwave and My father forgot to take them out.It must be catching up with the both of them. :(



That doesn't mean they have Alzheimers.  Hell, I've microwaved food and forgotten to take it out before.

That doesn't mean they have Alzheimers.  Hell, I've microwaved food and forgotten to take it out before.


You don't even know half of what they've forgotten. ::)

You don't even know half of what they've forgotten. ::)



That may be so, but leaving food in the microwave isn't necessarily indicative of it.

That may be so, but leaving food in the microwave isn't necessarily indicative of it.


They've forgotten keys,glasses,food,money,wallet,jewelry,etc...

They've forgotten keys,glasses,food,money,wallet,jewelry,etc...



I think everyone has forgetful moments, Howard.  That's just human nature. 

I think everyone has forgetful moments, Howard.  That's just human nature. 


Yeah,you have a point there.I think I might need Foilc Acid or Ginko Bilboa myself.My memory's going.

Yeah,you have a point there.I think I might need Foilc Acid or Ginko Bilboa myself.My memory's going.



I forget things all the time...my mind is so jumbled half the time! :D

I forget things all the time...my mind is so jumbled half the time! :D



Do I know you?  ;)




Cat

I forget things all the time...my mind is so jumbled half the time! :D


But My father's older than you.He needs his blood pressure pills,his pee pills,his memory pills and vitamins. ;D

Do I know you?  ;)




Cat


it's scary, isn't it? LOL! ;D



But My father's older than you.He needs his blood pressure pills,his pee pills,his memory pills and vitamins. ;D



I really didn't need to know about that. ::)

The pee pills are for his prostate.



Dude, she just said she didn't need to know that. 

Dude, she just said she didn't need to know that. 


I'm sorry,I erased it.

I'm sorry,I erased it.



It's cool......we just don't need to know about your dad's urinary issues.

It's cool......we just don't need to know about your dad's urinary issues.



At least I don't have what he has. ::)