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Subject: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Slater on 02/11/06 at 11:12 pm
...from TV/movies or everyday life? A few that stick in my head:
"Funnier than a clown on fire"
"Tougher than woodpecker lips"
And when I was in the military, one fellow from Oklahoma (who was possessed of a weird sense of humor) said to me once: "Well, we like you, Paul, but you sh** too close to the house". Didn't have a comeback for that one.
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Trimac20 on 02/12/06 at 12:04 am
"Faster OR than a machine gun on speed" e.g. you were like a machine gun on speed!
"So fast it took the stripes of a zebra," self-explanatory
Another non-speed related one,
"Thicker than the cranium of the man in the White house" e.g. this wall is thicker than the cranium of the man in the white house.
"Higher than a hippie in space"
In fact I heard them from my own mouth - pretty creative, aren't they?
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: BrianMannixGirl on 02/12/06 at 12:34 am
One that I regularly use about a co worker who does nothing all day........
He is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: whistledog on 02/12/06 at 1:42 am
In Terms of Endearment, Jack Nicholson said a line that I sometimes use when I don't want to do something ... "I'd rather stick needles in my eyes"
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 02/12/06 at 12:08 pm
hahaha..my grandma has some funny sayings, which have carried down to my mom...but I refuse to say most of them!!
"He's smiling like a pig eating poop" (now that's a real charmer, eh?) ::)
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: La Sine Pesroh on 02/12/06 at 1:47 pm
I always liked "useless as tits on a boarhog."
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: gemini on 02/12/06 at 4:15 pm
I think I heard this one from my older sister when I was a kid
"Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra"
No idea why it has to be a witches tit :-\\ :D
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: KKay on 02/12/06 at 5:50 pm
my friends' euphemism for going to the men's room
"off to shake hands with the unemployed"
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Tia on 02/12/06 at 6:31 pm
my friends' euphemism for going to the men's room
"off to shake hands with the unemployed"
if we went sitting down he wouldn't have to worry about it.
from the funniest movie of all time, annie hall:
"What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler. "
and when someone does a bad parking job:
Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here.
and:
"They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage."
yes! and the one about never having a latency period. i use that all the time. it's all so good!
http://imdb.com/title/tt0075686/quotes
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: danootaandme on 02/13/06 at 8:33 am
my friends' euphemism for going to the men's room
"off to shake hands with the unemployed"
;D LOL
I made this one up after seeing a movie in which an evil dictator executed warriors by tying them up and pushing them down a long
(like a hundred feet) razor sharp curved knife. I have heard it used since.
Sliding down the razor blade of life (ouch)
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Southern Image on 02/13/06 at 12:33 pm
You're ugly and your momma dresses you funny. ;D
So juvenile now....... ;)
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Tia on 02/13/06 at 12:34 pm
i've always liked "where did your mother and i go wrong?"
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: KKay on 02/13/06 at 12:52 pm
my friend said about a girl at work that he hates:
she's so ugly she looks like someone set her on fire and tried to put it out with an icepick
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Step-chan on 02/13/06 at 4:39 pm
Hotter than a whore in a pepper patch.
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Howard on 02/13/06 at 5:57 pm
"I'm Happy Than A Pig In ****"! ;D
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Tia on 02/14/06 at 12:15 am
i call those aren't comebacks.
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: jaytee on 02/14/06 at 8:28 am
Someone asked my friend Angela if she was a natural blond
Her reply: "Yes, the carpet and curtains match". ;D
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: La Sine Pesroh on 02/14/06 at 8:36 am
I used to work with this guy who, whenever he had a busy night, would say that he was "busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest." I always thought that was funny.
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: KKay on 02/14/06 at 9:25 am
Great insults from Blackadder:
He's thicker than a whale omelet.
He's thicker than the big print version of the complete works of Dickens.
From Red Dwarf:
Ace: That outfit is sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde witticisms that's been rolled to a point,
dipped in lemon juice and poked in someone's eye!
Cat: Now THAT's sharp!
Subject: Re: Best/favorite one-liners...
Written By: Howard on 02/14/06 at 5:33 pm
Jim Ross: He's more bloodier than a stuck pig ;D