I PM'd our friend Barefootrobin  about a "Grossest Story Ever" thread and here was her reply to my idea:
"You should start a grossest story thread.  I have a weak stomach.  Cutting the poop off my Collie's bum while gagging so hard I thought I was going to pee was an act of love indeed." 


Ready? Here is the story I told her. :o


Brendan (hubby) asks me to meet up with him after I walk the dog at the local bar.
I take the dog to the beach...a lot of people fish there...and cut up their own bait.
No one was there, but there was one big, gross very old cut up fish laying in the sand that Bode just found dellicious...it was sooooooooo gross!
Well, she was fine at that moment, so I put her in the crate to bed and go tot he bar, but I"m really tired.
I decide to go home early.  I walk in and the smell is more than I can stand.  Bode has wrapped what felt like pounds of puke and other gross dog stuff into news paper and pushed it away from herself.
I get her outside and it's coming out of both ends.
This is at 10PM.
I try to sleep on the couch, but she wants to go out every 30 minutes. This goes on and on....it's now 1AM.
She's sleeping. I"m sleeping on the sofa.
and then, *trumpets sound* in comes a drunken husband, turning on lights and falling about, at 4 AM.
I want to kill everyone.
Bode gets sick on the floor.
Brendan goes to bed.
I clean up and hit the sack.
All sleeping and I'm happy.

Something wakes me up. It's the sound of running water or water splashing on a surface.
the dog is standing, straddling Brendan's vulnerable, alcohol-soaked white belly, with white gunk POURING out of her mouth onto him.

It's 5:30 AM.  He does not even flinch.  I get her outside.  I get the sheets off the bed. While I'm getting new ones, Brendan gets up and starts wandering around, dripping this nasty substance all over the bedrooom.
He takes off his boxers and stumbles about, "what's going on?"
I change the bed, get him in it.
clean the floor.
get the dog, put her in the crate, give her water.
It's now 6:15. I am not drunk, I am not happy.
I put on the TV and wawtch the news.

Then I laugh and laugh and laugh.  And my revenge on Brendan?  I told EVERYONE the story.


Karen

When I was young, I lived with my mother and 3 of my sisters-5 females in the house. You can bet that at almost any given time, at least one of us was visited by "Mother Nature". We had two male dogs. They used to love going into the bathroom trash and getting certain used items out of it and bringing them into the livingroom. Talk about gross!  :P




Cat

When I was young, I lived with my mother and 3 of my sisters-5 females in the house. You can bet that at almost any given time, at least one of us was visited by "Mother Nature". We had two male dogs. They used to love going into the bathroom trash and getting certain used items out of it and bringing them into the livingroom. Talk about gross!  :P




Cat


That is already topping my story.  Soooo gross.

I have a real gross story, but I won't share it.  It is just so gross, your stomach will turn inside out  ;D

[quote author=whis

When I was young, I lived with my mother and 3 of my sisters-5 females in the house. You can bet that at almost any given time, at least one of us was visited by "Mother Nature". We had two male dogs. They used to love going into the bathroom trash and getting certain used items out of it and bringing them into the livingroom. Talk about gross!  :P




Cat


Oh god....this reminds me.  

When I used to live at my moms house...(you know in the old days the washer and dryer went in the garage).... we used to just throw our dirty laundry on the floor in front of the washer.  Between my sisters and my mom, we had 4 girls in the house.  Well one day the dog was in the garage and found a pair of women's dirty underwear and was.......(I can't bear to say, but must for the sake of the story).......slowly and passionately licking the crotch of the underwear! :o  It was soooo wrong. ;D

I also have a really weak stomach, and I am gagging a bit just thinking about this...

One of the first times I spent the night at my husband's house (he was the typical bachelor..keep this in mind) he brought me a bowl of cereal the next morning... I tasted it, and I thought it tasted kind of gross, but we all know how it is when you're at someone's house and they have served you food... you at least make an effort to eat it.

As he was getting his own bowl in the kitchen, I asked him what kind of cereal it was... he said it was some generic store brand.  I said something like "Wow, it tastes different from any other cereal I've had"  He seemed surprised... then he took a bite of his own, and said "Eww, the milk's bad."

As soon as he said that, I started gagging... just at the thought that I had eaten rotten milk.  Then it was even worse when he dumped it into the sink and turned on the hot water... it stunk up the whole house. :(

I can't bear to say, but must for the sake of the story).......slowly and passionately licking the crotch of the underwear! :o  It was soooo wrong. ;D


That's terrible.
I can, unfortunately, picture it!

As soon as he said that, I started gagging... just at the thought that I had eaten rotten milk.  Then it was even worse when he dumped it into the sink and turned on the hot water... it stunk up the whole house. :(


that's very wrong!

I have to say Im really enjoying this thread so far.

That's terrible.
I can, unfortunately, picture it!


Good.  At least I'm not the only one with that picture in my head. ;) ;D

see? you can't say that. now I really want to know.



Let's just say I did something very bad to one of my Elementary School teachers when I was a kid  ;D

When I was young, I lived with my mother and 3 of my sisters-5 females in the house. You can bet that at almost any given time, at least one of us was visited by "Mother Nature". We had two male dogs. They used to love going into the bathroom trash and getting certain used items out of it and bringing them into the livingroom. Talk about gross!  :P




Cat
;DThat's not very unusual.Dogs LOVE to play with stuff like that!A ,ot of dogs also like to roll in cat excrement on the lawn or eat it.They just don't get why humans don't like it!l

Oh god....this reminds me.  

When I used to live at my moms house...(you know in the old days the washer and dryer went in the garage).... we used to just throw our dirty laundry on the floor in front of the washer.  Between my sisters and my mom, we had 4 girls in the house.  Well one day the dog was in the garage and found a pair of women's dirty underwear and was.......(I can't bear to say, but must for the sake of the story).......slowly and passionately licking the crotch of the underwear! :o  It was soooo wrong. ;D


GROSSS!!!!  I must say I have had my underwear cleaned by my dogs, not while I was wearing it of course! ???

One time I was driving around in my Toyota Le Van, My friend Brenda was in the back on a business call and my Friend Darby, who was pregnant at the time , was in the passenger seat.  I turned a sharp corner and an old lunch container with leftover I don't know what fell off of I don't know where and the van filled with an ungodly stench!  I have a weak stomach and I started gagging so bad I had to pull over, Darby was gagging violently as well, we were both hanging out of our windows gagging and laughing with Brenda in the backseat trying not to gag while on her business call.  I finally got the words out "throw out the container!"  Which she did, and then we went shopping.

I can't think of my grossest story EVER, but a few weeks ago I was at work and me, a colleague and the boss were in the back office having a break, and my colleague goes to make some crisp sandwiches to eat with our cups of tea.

All of a sudden, the colleague screams and starts gagging, and she brings out this wrapper, holding her hand over her mouth and nose... I looked inside and there was a bread bun... 7 weeks out of date, green and furry. It was absolutely sick, I was wrenching. And the smell wasn't very nice either, so we had to open the office doors and windows to let fresh air in... yack  :P

I have other stories, but i'm too tired to remember them, i'll post them over the weekend hopefully

My wife went to bingo one night and left me with my
two daughters.I put my youngest daughter in her crib.
After awhile I heard her playing and when I went into
the room I saw her dirty diaper at the end of the crib
and her artwork of the mess all over the wall,the crib,her
hair,her body and just about everywhere else.It was a
sickening sight and a mad scramble to clean it up before
my wife got home.

My wife went to bingo one night and left me with my
two daughters.I put my youngest daughter in her crib.
After awhile I heard her playing and when I went into
the room I saw her dirty diaper at the end of the crib
and her artwork of the mess all over the wall,the crib,her
hair,her body and just about everywhere else.It was a
sickening sight and a mad scramble to clean it up before
my wife got home.

Ahhhh, my daughter did the same thing! We woke up one morning, and heard her laughing in her crib. When I went in to check on her, she had her diaper off, and had a mess all over herself, the wall, the crib, her hair, etc......all I could do was laugh.  ;D

Ahhhh, my daughter did the same thing! We woke up one morning, and heard her laughing in her crib. When I went in to check on her, she had her diaper off, and had a mess all over herself, the wall, the crib, her hair, etc......all I could do was laugh.  ;D



At least I am not the only one to have to deal with a
Vincent Van Poop.I can laugh at it now but at the time
I wasn't doing much laughing.

When I was young, I lived with my mother and 3 of my sisters-5 females in the house. You can bet that at almost any given time, at least one of us was visited by "Mother Nature". We had two male dogs. They used to love going into the bathroom trash and getting certain used items out of it and bringing them into the livingroom. Talk about gross!  :P

Cat


Gross is kissing your grandmother goodnight and she sticks her tongue down your throat.  :P

;DThat's not very unusual.Dogs LOVE to play with stuff like that!A ,ot of dogs also like to roll in cat excrement on the lawn or eat it.They just don't get why humans don't like it!l



My cat, who no longer is alive, as of yesterday.... Had this disease that made her sneeze everywhere. Well, the gross part is, she would lick up the snot everytime she sneezed. This was even grosser during her last days when she started sneezing out blood...  :P

I don't feel comfortable reading these.

I don't feel comfortable reading these.


well, you should!


they're only REALLY GROSS

Oh god....this reminds me.  

When I used to live at my moms house...(you know in the old days the washer and dryer went in the garage).... we used to just throw our dirty laundry on the floor in front of the washer.  Between my sisters and my mom, we had 4 girls in the house.  Well one day the dog was in the garage and found a pair of women's dirty underwear and was.......(I can't bear to say, but must for the sake of the story).......slowly and passionately licking the crotch of the underwear! :o  It was soooo wrong. ;D



Oh my Lord. My Dog, Chloe, used to do the same thing. It was horrifying. I know what you mean by "Slowly and Passionately" licking them. Then she looked up at me with untamed lust in her eyes, I swear to god.

Oh my Lord. My Dog, Chloe, used to do the same thing. It was horrifying. I know what you mean by "Slowly and Passionately" licking them. Then she looked up at me with untamed lust in her eyes, I swear to god.


LOL

Yep, I can still hear the licking and smacking sounds too. :P  Nasty ass dogs!!!!! ;D

Oh my Lord. My Dog, Chloe, used to do the same thing. It was horrifying. I know what you mean by "Slowly and Passionately" licking them. Then she looked up at me with untamed lust in her eyes, I swear to god.

You had a dog named Chloe?? So do I! :o :o What kind of dog was it? Mine's a long hair chihuahua.

Oh god....this reminds me.  

When I used to live at my moms house...(you know in the old days the washer and dryer went in the garage).... we used to just throw our dirty laundry on the floor in front of the washer.  Between my sisters and my mom, we had 4 girls in the house.  Well one day the dog was in the garage and found a pair of women's dirty underwear and was.......(I can't bear to say, but must for the sake of the story).......slowly and passionately licking the crotch of the underwear! :o  It was soooo wrong. ;D


Ditto...and the damn dog also chewed the underwear... :P

You had a dog named Chloe?? So do I! :o :o What kind of dog was it? Mine's a long hair chihuahua.



Cool. She was a Black Lab, though. And quite the whore.

1. The dog we had growing up would lick all of the scrapes & scratches on my brother's legs, and he would let her :P

2. Had a package of Ramen noodles at work one day; dumped it in the bowl, added water, heated in microwave, sat down to eat:  little black bugs crawling all over in it :P  Needless to say, it ruined my appetite.

3. Dog would eat poop out of the litter box :P  Put in a cat door, and the dog is no longer allowed downstairs.

Okay, I just thought of one. Naturally, it has to do with a dog--automatically making it effing disgusting...


I was at my friends house, and she has this ugly-ass dog. Anyway, she goes "Eww, watch this!" and sticks her leg out. The dog comes over and begins furiously humping her leg...she's laughing hysterically. A few humps later.. (Mind you, my other friend and I were screaming at her to stop)...anyway, as I was saying... a few humps later, and all of a sudden this crazy amount of green stuff (oh crap, I'm feeling sick typing this) just... pours out. It... omfg.. I need to stop talking about it.


..

..

Aaaaaaah!!!11oneoneone

Okay, I just thought of one. Naturally, it has to do with a dog--automatically making it effing disgusting...


I was at my friends house, and she has this ugly-ass dog. Anyway, she goes "Eww, watch this!" and sticks her leg out. The dog comes over and begins furiously humping her leg...she's laughing hysterically. A few humps later.. (Mind you, my other friend and I were screaming at her to stop)...anyway, as I was saying... a few humps later, and all of a sudden this crazy amount of green stuff (oh crap, I'm feeling sick typing this) just... pours out. It... omfg.. I need to stop talking about it.


..

..

Aaaaaaah!!!11oneoneone



that is just... weird

[quote author=whis

[quote author=whis

C'mon, Whistle... spill it >:-{


I can't do it.  My lips are sealed  :-X

[quote author=whis

*Gits broom*

..I have ways of making you talk, man...


Just think of the grossest thing ever, and that's what I did.  LOL

Okay, I just thought of one. Naturally, it has to do with a dog--automatically making it effing disgusting...


I was at my friends house, and she has this ugly-ass dog. Anyway, she goes "Eww, watch this!" and sticks her leg out. The dog comes over and begins furiously humping her leg...she's laughing hysterically. A few humps later.. (Mind you, my other friend and I were screaming at her to stop)...anyway, as I was saying... a few humps later, and all of a sudden this crazy amount of green stuff (oh crap, I'm feeling sick typing this) just... pours out. It... omfg.. I need to stop talking about it.


..

..

Aaaaaaah!!!11oneoneone



LMAO!!! Have you seen that humping dog at Spencers?  That thing is hilarious!  You put it around someone's leg and press the paw... and it starts humping, moaning and even does a sigh of relief just before it stops. ;D

I had alot of fun when I took that thing to work.

LMAO!!! Have you seen that humping dog at Spencers?  That thing is hilarious!  You put it around someone's leg and press the paw... and it starts humping, moaning and even does a sigh of relief just before it stops. ;D

I had alot of fun when I took that thing to work.



Hahaha!! I actually did see that ;D Spencers is a crazy store.

With disgust & revulsion, I read each irepugnant, depraved grossest story ever.(some twice) and I feel utterly wretched. I may have to go into the arcade for solice.    :D  :D  :D ok, enough of being such a puss.    In the 80's my church went to the Sierras every year with a couple of other churches for this big spiritual jamboree thing for college and career people and Saturday night in the main gathering room they had talent night. Some sang, some did skits, but the real talent came from these 3 young men who called themselves the GGA "the grossest guys around". They had a stool in front of them, on the stool was a glass of water, a tube of toothpaste, and a toothbrush. the 1st GGA starts by brushing his teeth thoroughly, then he gargles and rinses, The 2nd GGA uses the same brush, adds paste, brushes his teeth, then gargles and rinses with used glass of water. The 3rd GGA takes brush, adds paste, brushes real good, gargles and rinses with same glass and everyone was pretty disgusted, but not as disgusted as when he lifted the glass again and slowly drank the glass empty. not as filthy as some of these panty dog sniffing/humping stories, but it's all I got.

With disgust & revulsion, I read each irepugnant, depraved grossest story ever.(some twice) and I feel utterly wretched. I may have to go into the arcade for solice.    :D  :D  :D ok, enough of being such a puss.    In the 80's my church went to the Sierras every year with a couple of other churches for this big spiritual jamboree thing for college and career people and Saturday night in the main gathering room they had talent night. Some sang, some did skits, but the real talent came from these 3 young men who called themselves the GGA "the grossest guys around". They had a stool in front of them, on the stool was a glass of water, a tube of toothpaste, and a toothbrush. the 1st GGA starts by brushing his teeth thoroughly, then he gargles and rinses, The 2nd GGA uses the same brush, adds paste, brushes his teeth, then gargles and rinses with used glass of water. The 3rd GGA takes brush, adds paste, brushes real good, gargles and rinses with same glass and everyone was pretty disgusted, but not as disgusted as when he lifted the glass again and slowly drank the glass empty. not as filthy as some of these panty dog sniffing/humping stories, but it's all I got.



...

...


*Passes out*

passes out my arse!!!!  green stuff out of a dog, how can I sleep tonight? Maybe if I watch the Disney channel, I'll forget all about it, and those damn panty sniffers and rag chewers, this is the craziest place. oh hi beth, hows it going? I swear my stomach is in knots, it really is

passes out my arse!!!!  green stuff out of a dog, how can I sleep tonight? Maybe if I watch the Disney channel, I'll forget all about it, and those damn panty sniffers and rag chewers, this is the craziest place. oh hi beth, hows it going? I swear my stomach is in knots, it really is



Won't be able to sleep, eh?






I see my work here is done.. >:-}D

Won't be able to sleep, eh?






I see my work here is done.. >:-}D
  the horror, the horror http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c235/badfingermike/thehorror.jpg

this is exactly what I wanted.
I no longer need coffee to wake me up in the AM...it's so gross, and shocking.
But for some sick reason, it's all funny...


My first job was in Burger King and one day we were at the back booth on a break and little scraps of something was falling fromthe cieling onto our table.
one of the guys got onthetable and pushed up the acousitc tiles and found that not only were these scraps maggots, but tons of them poured out of the ceiling when he moved the tile.
Something must have been dead in the drop ceiling.
They had us rope off the area and clean up and keep serving.....
the king is pretty gross, I can tell you.

Well, I have no dog stories so a hubby story will have to suffice:

It's hubby's 30th birthday (we were still dating) and we went to a friend of his' house for a party.  His "gift" from his friend?  A bottle of Absolut....which he proceeds to drink over 1/2 of while sitting in a hot tub.  Well, he then decided he wanted to go to a local bar (where he knew everyone) and everyone starts buying him shots.  I finally drag his sorry butt out of there and we go back to his friend's house to drop off another guy that was with us so he could get his car.  We pull into the driveway, hubby FALLS out of the door and starts puking in the yard.  After about 15 minutes or so, he decides he's okay, but just wants to sleep there so we go inside.  He falls in the front door, right on their new carpet, and starts gagging.  I try to get him up and into the bathroom, but he's not going anywhere.  I, being the courteous guest I am, don't want him puking on their new carpet (and I figure there's not much left in his stomach anyway) so I CATCH the puke in my hands.  2 trips to the bathroom to empty and wash my hands later, he passes out on a garbage bag & towel thing I rigged up for his head.....I slept on the couch.

6 months later, I married him ;D


Seriously That is True Love.  Your marriage will last forever.  As long as the incident is not repeated?

Once, on a tuesday after a long weekend, I innocently opened the micorwave at work too heat up my lunch.  My senses were assaulted by the stench of soemthing that could only have come from the depths of hell.  I ran, gagging and retching, out to the parking lot.  I was quickly followed by my coworkers as the reek penetrated all orifaces of our offices.  As it turns out, my boss had put leftover Chinese in the microwave the Friday before and had forgotten it.  He pulled up in his mercedes to find his employees gasping for air in the parking lot.  We made him go in after realizing he was the perp.  It took him 3 attempts to go in and get rid of the rotting, stinking chinese.  We had to throw out the microwave and shut down till the next day.

1. The dog we had growing up would lick all of the scrapes & scratches on my brother's legs, and he would let her :P

2. Had a package of Ramen noodles at work one day; dumped it in the bowl, added water, heated in microwave, sat down to eat:  little black bugs crawling all over in it :P  Needless to say, it ruined my appetite.

3. Dog would eat poop out of the litter box :P  Put in a cat door, and the dog is no longer allowed downstairs.


I remember as a kid.. pouring a bowl of  "Nature Valley Granola" cereal. I thought it was pretty good.. nice and crunchy with chewy raisins.. until  I looked down and saw the little black bugs floating in the milk.. and this was after I had eaten a couple spoonfuls.. needless to say I promptly vomited.

there was also a story on the news about a girl who bought some tuna and had made herself a tuna sandwich and then the label came loose on the can and she noticed that it had been cat food relabeled as tuna. True Story.

I have a few others.. being a nurse... there's lots of grossology in my field...  but not sure if people  really want me to post those types of stories.

oh I got a few to add....

Crossing the street, I saw a poor little squirrel get nailed by a scooter. The front wheel ran him over lenghtwise. All of his guts burst out of his little head like a tube of toothpaste.

A looooong time ago I was on a class trip to Central park. This kid in my class is spinning around, head pointed to the sky, mouth open going la...la...la...la...(you know the weird things that kids do) Fibve minutes later something white and pasty lands in his mouth. yep a bird got him gooood.  :-\\

Seriously That is True Love.  Your marriage will last forever.  As long as the incident is not repeated?

I read this one and just have to share my own tale of true love.. only in my case it's me that's the embarrassing pukee..
My first 'romantic encounter' with my now hubby.. was back in 1993, the night before Superbowl Sunday...we had  gone out after work. (we worked together but weren't dating as of  yet)  I guess you could say  I was seriously  crushing on him but he didn't have any idea.. and I had this little ploy. where I would pretend to be too drunk to drive home.. (even though I had only 2 beers). So we would go to his house and he would make coffee and we'd talk.  Well this particular evening,  we went back to his house and instead of coffee, he fed me white russians! Well the alcohol did it's trick and I became the agressor, I  chased him around his kitchen and cornered him.. and started kissing him. Things were going along nicely until I turned my head and began vomiting right on his dining room floor. I passed out right there..  The next morning I woke up covered in vomit, lying there in my own puke.. (he didn't move me cuz he couldn't..I was dead weight and have about 40 lbs on him ) I got up and got the hell out of there.. and two days later when I saw him , he relayed all the sordid  details to me that I had forgotten.. we ended up going out for dinner and long story short..we married a year and 9 months after that  incident.  12 yrs later.. we are happy as clams. He's  had to clean up my puke only a time or two since .. but hey if he saw me at my worst  the very first night.. well I guess it can  only get  better , right?

well...I don't think I can top some of these stories....I guess one of the grossest things that I have encountered was also a poop story....Vaughn took his nap and I heard him in there after he awoke....so I went in and yep, there was crap EVERYWHERE! On him, on the wall, on his crib, on the floor....i mean...EVERYWHERE!  So he (with a bunch of shit all over his hands) goes, "GRRRRRR...I'm a scary monster!!" :o :D  Let's just say that I was not too happy when that happened...but I guess I can look back upon it and somewhat laugh.