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Subject: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: ultraviolet52 on 12/01/05 at 7:07 pm
I have been debating this topic for several months becuase it has often put me in a situation to think whether I am wrong or if I'm right.
I have noticed and observed differing opinions about how people handle a new relationship with an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend who is still slightly in the picture. Some say it's perfectly okay to keep a friendship with an ex, some disagree. Some don't want a friendship with an ex because they caused too much hurt and some ex's are forced to be in the picture because of the sharing of children or even pets. It's all very complicated.
So, I guess my concern is the person who's dating the person with the ex who's still in the picture. How does this person react if the ex keeps contacting them? Is it an inconvienance to a new and thriving relationship that should be stopped or should it just be as it is and they'll eventually get away from the picture?
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: Apricot on 12/01/05 at 7:47 pm
I think it depends on how the relationship ended.. if it was bitter, it's gonna be different then simply a mutual breakup on good terms.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 12/01/05 at 11:05 pm
I don't think it is really good to keep an ex in the picture..especially if there is a new significant other....out of respect for the new SO, it would be in the best interest to cut ties.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: karen on 12/02/05 at 3:54 am
It's tricky though if there are children involved. Then it's wrong to keep the ex out of the picture. You have to agree (using a family mediator if necessary) some ground rules about access and holidays etc. and then try to keep the relationship on business like terms. imo
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: danootaandme on 12/02/05 at 6:16 am
It's tricky though if there are children involved. Then it's wrong to keep the ex out of the picture. You have to agree (using a family mediator if necessary) some ground rules about access and holidays etc. and then try to keep the relationship on business like terms. imo
Gotta agree with this. When someone goes out with someone who has chilfren with someone else they
have to be prepared for the emotional baggage that goes along with it. The person with the ex has to be prepared to draw the line in the sand as to the reasons and amount of contact there is, and all the adults
have to be prepared to take a back seat to the what is in the best interest of the child(ren). If all three cannot get it straight, well, next stop Jerry Springer.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: Marty McFly on 12/02/05 at 8:22 am
If all three cannot get it straight, well, next stop Jerry Springer.
Hehe. Like I've said, the show gives him a bad rap - he's actually a pretty smart, nice guy. When he's being serious, I think he actually can help people out with that stuff. ;)
Anyway, since I've never really had any serious "girlfriends" before, I'm not really apt to answer this accurately. However, to be as simplistic as possible, I would say it depends on the situation.
Overall, I think friendly contact with them is okay, just as long as your current boy/girlfriend (a) knows you're only friends with them now, and (b) feels comfortable with it. Of course, the level of trust they've got for you would come into play too.
Perhaps it's a thing to discuss with them early on.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 12/02/05 at 10:01 am
It's tricky though if there are children involved.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: karen on 12/02/05 at 10:02 am
oh of course...if there are children involved..the picture does change....I was just mainly talking about people dating (without children).
I knew that's what you were talking about. I guess I made my post because UV's post is so general and did sort of mention children being involved that I thought I'd put that side of it.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: CatwomanofV on 12/02/05 at 11:50 am
I think it depends on a lot of factors-how you felt/feel about the person, what caused the break-up, and especailly how your present significant other feels. I think that exes can be friends but I also know that it can be awkward too. I will always have to deal with Carlos' ex because of the kids. We see her at birthday parties, and such. I have to say that she has been nothing but nice to me-and I try to be the same to her. But, I feel the wall between us and know that we could never really be friends. Neither one of us feel any animosity towards her and we do wish her well. We did see an ex-boyfriend of mine about a month ago. Carlos was a bit upset because the guy kept staring at me. I didn't noticed because I wasn't paying much attention to him.
Cat
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: barefootrobin on 12/02/05 at 12:24 pm
I think it depends on a lot of factors-how you felt/feel about the person, what caused the break-up, and especailly how your present significant other feels. I think that exes can be friends but I also know that it can be awkward too. I will always have to deal with Carlos' ex because of the kids. We see her at birthday parties, and such. I have to say that she has been nothing but nice to me-and I try to be the same to her. But, I feel the wall between us and know that we could never really be friends. Neither one of us feel any animosity towards her and we do wish her well. We did see an ex-boyfriend of mine about a month ago. Carlos was a bit upset because the guy kept staring at me. I didn't noticed because I wasn't paying much attention to him.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: CeramicsFanatic on 12/02/05 at 1:52 pm
I don't think it is really good to keep an ex in the picture..especially if there is a new significant other....out of respect for the new SO, it would be in the best interest to cut ties.
I agree with your opinion, Erin.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: Howard on 12/02/05 at 1:55 pm
What's Ex-Etiquette? ???
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: danootaandme on 12/02/05 at 2:06 pm
What's Ex-Etiquette? ???
The proper way to deal with the ex of your current love interest if that ex is still in the picture, and
if there are kids involved with that ex.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: Howard on 12/02/05 at 2:08 pm
The proper way to deal with the ex of your current love interest if that ex is still in the picture, and
if there are kids involved with that ex.
No,I don't deal with my ex anymore.It's been 4 years.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: ultraviolet52 on 12/02/05 at 2:34 pm
I don't think it is really good to keep an ex in the picture..especially if there is a new significant other....out of respect for the new SO, it would be in the best interest to cut ties.
I agree with you too, Erin. Again, the only exception would be if kids are involved, but other than that, I think it should be a clean break.
Subject: Re: What would be EX-Etiquette?
Written By: ADH13 on 12/03/05 at 12:43 am
There really are alot of variables. When I started dating my husband, I had an ex who happened to hang out with alot of my friends, so in order to avoid my ex, I would have to avoid my friends too, which I wasn't willing to do. The majority of my friends are men, and my husband has known that since day 1... and he has never had a problem with that. The only two of my exes that I ever see anymore are both married now, so if my husband and I ever run into them, they are usually with their wives (and children, in one case) so that's worked out well.