As I was reading through posts today....I noticed that Andrew stated that he had made a post that he really needed advice/support about and he was upset that it got lost in the shuffle. Then Tia made a good suggestion about maybe making a place where people could go that maybe needed advice, or perhaps just a shoulder to lean on...etc..from other concerned board members.  Without sounding too sappy...I thought it would be a good idea too...so here it is. Please refrain from inside jokes/talk, innuendos, funny pictures, etc...because that's not really what this thread is intended to be utilized for. There are days when each one of us feels like tearing out our hair...and all we need sometimes is someone who will just listen.


Erin :)

ok, I guess I'll start it off.. It's not today particularly, but during the last few months, I found out that I well.. just plain annoy my "friends"  :-\\ I don't know what to do. Nobody will tell me what it is that annoys them, they just say that it's a "quality" or they can't put their finger on it. I have no clue how to fix my annoyingness (if that's even a word)

ok, I guess I'll start it off.. It's not today particularly, but during the last few months, I found out that I well.. just plain annoy my "friends"  :-\\ I don't know what to do. Nobody will tell me what it is that annoys them, they just say that it's a "quality" or they can't put their finger on it. I have no clue how to fix my annoyingness (if that's even a word)



do you ever notice any particular traits in yourself that might annoy someone when you are talking to them?



Erin :)

do you ever notice any particular traits in yourself that might annoy someone when you are talking to them?



Erin :)



I do, but.. when I try to avoid it, it does nothing

I do, but.. when I try to avoid it, it does nothing



are you shy around people? Do you tend to just stand there and not say too much...or when they ask you a question...do you find it really hard to find words to say to them?



Erin :)

are you shy around people? Do you tend to just stand there and not say too much...or when they ask you a question...do you find it really hard to find words to say to them?



Erin :)



uh.. no, quite the opposite  ;D

sometimes I think that I just talk too much, but then... I dunno. Maybe that's my problem.

uh.. no, quite the opposite  ;D

sometimes I think that I just talk too much, but then... I dunno. Maybe that's my problem.


hmmm...I suppose that overtalking could turn a few folks off...but, most people I wouldn't think would get THAT annoyed by that, ya know?  I mean, I have talked to you lots since you've joined the forum...and you seem like a really nice person.



Erin :)

hmmm...I suppose that overtalking could turn a few folks off...but, most people I wouldn't think would get THAT annoyed by that, ya know?  I mean, I have talked to you lots since you've joined the forum...and you seem like a really nice person.



Erin :)



Thanks, but what I really think it is, is just my voice. Not necessarily my voice, but how I use it. I've been told a couple of times that I'm monotone when I talk. and I just tend to annoy people. Maybe I'll think of a test or something to figure out what it is  ;D

I appreciate your help, Erin

Thanks, but what I really think it is, is just my voice. Not necessarily my voice, but how I use it. I've been told a couple of times that I'm monotone when I talk. and I just tend to annoy people. Maybe I'll think of a test or something to figure out what it is  ;D

I appreciate your help, Erin



Hey no problem Dominic....but it's just a shame that people have to be so shallow as to get annoyed by you just because of your voice, etc...lame!




Erin :)

Hey no problem Dominic....but it's just a shame that people have to be so shallow as to get annoyed by you just because of your voice, etc...lame!




Erin :)



I'm too lazy to get back in my other account..

Maybe it's that thing that Andrew said " I don't click with the Californians".. maybe I should move out to Pennsylvania!  :D
but you made me a little happier tonight (not that I was really sad) but thanks anyway

I'm too lazy to get back in my other account..

Maybe it's that thing that Andrew said " I don't click with the Californians".. maybe I should move out to Pennsylvania!  :D
but you made me a little happier tonight (not that I was really sad) but thanks anyway



cool I am glad I could be of help! ;)



Erin :)

Right..

A few issues here.

a) I'm thousands of miles from home, from my friends and my parents. I miss them a lot, that's one reason i've been very insular, what do you suggest?

b) I'm not really sure what people here do. That sounds lame, i mean, i get on with pretty much everybody, but don't have a damn clue what passes for entertainment.

c) I have dry skin Should i forgive and forget when it comes to..'The mad old woman' I forget if i told you about her. if i didn't, your sister will fill you in  ;D

Right..

A few issues here.

a) I'm thousands of miles from home, from my friends and my parents. I miss them a lot, that's one reason i've been very insular, what do you suggest?

b) I'm not really sure what people here do. That sounds lame, i mean, i get on with pretty much everybody, but don't have a damn clue what passes for entertainment.

c) I have dry skin Should i forgive and forget when it comes to..'The mad old woman' I forget if i told you about her. if i didn't, your sister will fill you in  ;D



that would be very difficult to be that far away from your loved ones.  I hear you are going to be visiting them for the holidays? That will be a very nice time, I presume. Make the most of it!  Is there anyway that you could get there more often...or have one of them at a time....visit you at your current residence from time to time?  Do you talk to them on the phone alot?  I have never been that far away from my family...but I can imagine how hard it would be...I myself, couldn't stand it..as I am a family-oriented person.


Have you met any new people at college?  Do they have any social activities that you could perhaps get involved in on campus? Are you currently working? Sometimes I have found to have met some cool people at my place of employment.  You need to find things that you enjoy doing, and then find venues that carry out these certain things. I have found that a lot of college campuses offer different kind of social activities so that people can get to know each other better and become friends, while doing something that is similiar in interest.  Have you tried opening up and talking with people...getting to really know them?  Would it hurt to maybe ask someone that you might be able to feel comfortable with, to show you around town...or help familiarize you with the social hot spots of town? I see nothing wrong with doing that.


as for the third subject...I am afraid that you haven't filled me in on that yet.



Erin :)

that would be very difficult to be that far away from your loved ones.  I hear you are going to be visiting them for the holidays? That will be a very nice time, I presume. Make the most of it!  Is there anyway that you could get there more often...or have one of them at a time....visit you at your current residence from time to time?  Do you talk to them on the phone alot?  I have never been that far away from my family...but I can imagine how hard it would be...I myself, couldn't stand it..as I am a family-oriented person.

Have you met any new people at college?  Do they have any social activities that you could perhaps get involved in on campus? Are you currently working? Sometimes I have found to have met some cool people at my place of employment.  You need to find things that you enjoy doing, and then find venues that carry out these certain things. I have found that a lot of college campuses offer different kind of social activities so that people can get to know each other better and become friends, while doing something that is similiar in interest.  Have you tried opening up and talking with people...getting to really know them?  Would it hurt to maybe ask someone that you might be able to feel comfortable with, to show you around town...or help familiarize you with the social hot spots of town? I see nothing wrong with doing that.


as for the third subject...I am afraid that you haven't filled me in on that yet.


For the third, ask your sister, it's hilarious, but private  ;)

Yes i am visiting for close to a month, it'll be good, but i know i'll be in the dumps when i have to leave  :P
I know a couple of my mates really want to come over. Pete will be moving over at some point in the next few years, not sure when.
Me and my family never got on great, but obviously i wanna sort things out, I miss my friends at least as much if not more.

The college i'm at isn't that big, they have plenty of sports teams but not much in the way of activitys (that really isn't me anyway.. I play Football.. thats it  ;D)

I dunno.. I should probably stop walking around with my headphones plugged in blasting Black Metal  ;D

Great idea, Quirk.


Here is the situation. Some of you may be aware that Carlos has been having back problems. Come to find out he has a hernated disc. He has done p.t. chiropractic, meds, etc. and it is not getting any better. Even though the doc has not said it, we both feel that it looks like the next step will be "The 'S' word" which we are both scared to death about. We are aware that this proceedure has been done many, many times with great success but it still is scary. I think what is really bother him is that in the worse case scenaro, that I will leave him. I have been trying to reassure him that I am not going anywhere. I don't know if it has sunk in yet. He goes in for a MRI on Monday and we will see what happens after that.




Cat

Great idea Erin. :)

I'm usually a semi jokester, but I'm also always happy to try and help anyone out the best I can with anything they might be going through - whether major or just little stuff.


uh.. no, quite the opposite  ;D

sometimes I think that I just talk too much, but then... I dunno. Maybe that's my problem.


Hey man, if it's of any consolation, I've often been faced with the same thing on and off. I don't mean to talk about me since this is, well, about YOU, but let me know if any of this rings true with yourself.

When I don't know someone that well (unless of course I hit it off with them right away) or am in social situations, it sometimes takes me awhile to open up like I normally do. I have to know the person feels comfortable with me for me to feel comfortable enough back, if that makes sense.

***

Especially when I was younger, I didn't do it as much as I would've liked -- especially with other kids. As a result (and my general dislike of "kid" stuff back then) I deprived myself of some friends and experiences I could've had in my childhood/early teen years (I was especially shy with girls/women!). And I'll regret that till the day I die.

That probably explains why I put so much value and effort into that today -- "today" meaning the last 8 or so years, roughly starting when I was about 15-16.

***

Anyway, when I am "comfortable" around people, I tend to kinda overcompensate and talk/joke around TOO much or do what I call "used car salesman" talking (or like the fast talker guy on I Love the 80's 3-D, LOL). I'm weird in the sense that, I often am better in front of a group than just one or two people.

I've done stage plays, standup comedy and other stuff like that -- and I often do that easier than talking to some individuals or small groups.

The reason I hit the gas so hard at times, I think is, I'm subconciously making up for lost time, trying to get friends too quick. Hey, I'm like anyone else, and sometimes I get a little jealous to see people in super tight cliques when I'm not liked as much as some groups are with each other. This esp rang true in my high school years. ;)

So I've often wondered myself, why certain people don't "take" to me as well as I'd like or I thought they would. I've concluded that I think others can sense that I'm either (a) slightly uncomfortable/anxious, or (b) trying too hard and come off a little obnoxious. Whereas the perfect balance is inbetween the two.

P.S. Not sure how old you are, but I'm only starting to truly learn "fitting in" and all that, and I'm 24. So you've got time to beat me!

Then you can take a time machine 10 or 15 years into the past and brag to my younger self about how you beat him this time. ;D

what a nice idea for a thread!  ;)


Right..

A few issues here.

a) I'm thousands of miles from home, from my friends and my parents. I miss them a lot, that's one reason i've been very insular, what do you suggest?

b) I'm not really sure what people here do. That sounds lame, i mean, i get on with pretty much everybody, but don't have a damn clue what passes for entertainment.

i take it you live in AU? and are visiting st. louis?

i have a similar problem when i go to the UK. my parents are there and i love them, but i don't really know anybody there so it's pretty lonely. i'm thinking of, before the next time i go out there, getting on the personals and, they always have a section for friends/activity partners, getting with some folks on there. it seems sorta lame, but the only other thing is hanging around in bars, and that's even lamer.

other possibilities are political groups -- just find some folks on your end of the political spectrum and organize, organize, organize! i've been having some success with this meetup.com stuff, too, but that might be busier here in washington d.c. than in st. louis...

1. I'm feeling abused by my friends, and I'm distancing from almost everyone.

2. My relationship with my parents is virtually non-existent, but still manages to suffer.

3. I have a serious self-hate problem, and I've ruined my chances of higher education.

Great idea, Quirk.


Here is the situation. Some of you may be aware that Carlos has been having back problems. Come to find out he has a hernated disc. He has done p.t. chiropractic, meds, etc. and it is not getting any better. Even though the doc has not said it, we both feel that it looks like the next step will be "The 'S' word" which we are both scared to death about. We are aware that this proceedure has been done many, many times with great success but it still is scary. I think what is really bother him is that in the worse case scenaro, that I will leave him. I have been trying to reassure him that I am not going anywhere. I don't know if it has sunk in yet. He goes in for a MRI on Monday and we will see what happens after that.




Cat

Cat, you know I'll be thinking about you guys on monday.  I'll send some good vibes your way. Hopefully, they'll have some kind of alternative, rather than surgery.

Cat, you know I'll be thinking about you guys on monday.  I'll send some good vibes your way. Hopefully, they'll have some kind of alternative, rather than surgery.



Thanks, my friend. You have been a GREAT help. More than I can say.




Cat

Thanks, my friend. You have been a GREAT help. More than I can say.




Cat


i'll keep my fingers crossed for ya too cat. two of the guys in the old band had back problems, once we had to carry our keyboard player out of a gig by his hands and ankles. i'll talk to 'em, see if they have any strategies/suggestions...

Great idea, Quirk.


Here is the situation. Some of you may be aware that Carlos has been having back problems. Come to find out he has a hernated disc. He has done p.t. chiropractic, meds, etc. and it is not getting any better. Even though the doc has not said it, we both feel that it looks like the next step will be "The 'S' word" which we are both scared to death about. We are aware that this proceedure has been done many, many times with great success but it still is scary. I think what is really bother him is that in the worse case scenaro, that I will leave him. I have been trying to reassure him that I am not going anywhere. I don't know if it has sunk in yet. He goes in for a MRI on Monday and we will see what happens after that.




Cat




Aww..Cat, it is horrible to have severe back problems like that...I really feel for DC.  Like the others have said, maybe there will be some alternate therapy or scenario that would take the place of having surgery done.  As for the situation of DC perhaps feeling like you aren't gonna always be there for him...just keep showing him how much you love him so that he can always be confident that you are there for him through thick and thin, always by his side.  I really hope everything turns out well for him...he is in my thoughts.


Erin :)

1. I'm feeling abused by my friends, and I'm distancing from almost everyone.

2. My relationship with my parents is virtually non-existent, but still manages to suffer.

3. I have a serious self-hate problem, and I've ruined my chances of higher education.




Andrew,

What kinds of things are your friends doing to you?  Are they ignoring you or saying rude things to you?  Has this started since you began dating Lauren?  Sometimes when "one of the guys" gets a girlfriend...the other (single) guys tend to feel slighted/left out, thus resulting in ignoring or straying away from the friend who has a significant other. I have seen this with different people when I was in high school, even with some of my own groups of friends.  It seems like when there is a group of friends (of the same sex) who have been friends for awhile, there for each other all the time...then one or a few of them begin to date and have serious relationships...the "old friendships" sometimes get put on a back burner. That happened with me and a few of my friends in high school.  It seems like all they wanna do is be with their g/f or b/f and they talk about them 24/7...so the "group" ends up getting sick of hearing about it, and they stray away. Do you think this could be happening in your situation?  I realize Justin has a g/f (Beth)...but do your other close friends have g/f's too?

The deal with your parents...I just don't understand what the heck they expect from you.  You are a good kid Andrew, I would be proud to have you as my son.  You are very smart, fun to be around, and you don't get into trouble like a LOT of other teenagers do nowadays.  It seems like they expect SO much from you.  I wonder if it would have been the same if you had siblings instead of being an only child?  I have never had the experience of being an only child (have 2 sisters)...but I could imagine that it would be difficult, as the attention (whether good or bad) would ALWAYS be focused on YOU.  Has you dad always been this way...even when you were younger or has it started since you have gotten older...closer to teenage years?  Do you and your dad ever have "heart to heart" talks....or is that totally out of the question?  Is there ANYTHING at all that you can say that they two of you have in common, and actually get along doing? Something that perhaps could become a focal point so that the two of you could remain on the same side of the game, instead of constantly opposing one another?  I really feel for you Andrew, it's not cool having parents who are always on your case, no matter what the situation regards. I wish there was more that I could offer to you as advice...all I know is that they need to lay off of you and realize what a great kid you really are!

Now...how have you ruined your chances of a higher education?  You are still young Andrew...and even though you feel like the world is caving in...things may change within a few years.  You see...this should be your refuge, your proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel"...because when the time comes to venture off to college...then that will be the time you can start your own life..away from your parents.  Once you are 18, they have no say so over your life any longer...and you can go where ever you please.  I understand that you have very low self-worth...but you are a very intelligent young man, someone who can make it far in the world. You have lots of great ideas, you are talented in music , and you have book smarts as well.  You need to focus totally on the positives that will be produced, concerning you going away to college.  Ask anyone...college is a whole different world than high school. You meet so many interesting types of people there and you are able to express yourself so much more than in high school. I really think that college will do you really well...so that's why you have to really look forward to those years to come.

I know sometimes it is hard to focus on the good things in life, I have trouble doing that myself...but you really need to try doing so.  It seems like you have a really nice girlfriend who totally digs you, you have some good friends on this forum who really care about you,  you have your music, which seems really important to you. Things will get better....sometimes it takes longer than you hope it would..hang in there.


Hugs,
Erin :)

I'm still afraid that if I don't save this relationship by early-late January that Robin's parents might have no other choice to not terminate but she will see other guys but doesn't mean she's not going to see or talk to me cause she knows that Her and I both love each other but if nothing happens we won't be dating just not as exclusively.Any advice?  ???

I usually don't come here, the political junkie that I am, but I really want to thank those of you who have responded top my wonderful wife, Cat.  Some of you may know that she is much younger than me, like more than 10 years.  But she is getting up there.  And those of you who frequented the "Nasty" board know, we enjoy a very active love life - I think I can  say both of us, I cewrtainly enjoy our love play).  My big fear is that a slight slip of the knife and that could be a thing of the past.  I can't imagine life without my wonderful Cat, but I can't imagine subjecting her to the perpetual care of an invilide who can no longer "worship at the temple of Aphroditie".  Nor would I want her to have to endure the pain we would both feel.  The thought is unbearable.  And, I see this now, I have been picking fights with her as a result of my fears.  I love Cat deeply, passionately, and with all my being, and I fear that me fears are coming between us.  I feel like I'm losing my manhood.  I'm scared sh..less.

I'm still afraid that if I don't save this relationship by early-late January that Robin's parents might have no other choice to not terminate but she will see other guys but doesn't mean she's not going to see or talk to me cause she knows that Her and I both love each other but if nothing happens we won't be dating just not as exclusively.Any advice?  ???



Howard,

I can totally understand how hard this must be for you. I think that it is totally unfair that they are putting a time limit on you finding a job and thus, giving you an ultimatum on top of it.  Do they realize how hard you are trying to get a job? Have you sat down with them and really explained to them that you love their daughter and that you are seriously trying real hard to find employment?  It seems like you volunteer a lot? Do they know that you do this?  See, to me, knowing that you are out at least volunteering is showing them that you aren't just lazy, sitting at home, not wanting to work..etc.  It's not easy finding a job nowadays...and it seems like you are putting lots of applications in and even following up with them afterwards too. It's just a shame that Robin's parents have such a hold over her (a grown, adult woman)..that they feel the need to totally rule her life.  If Robin is in love with you and happy with you...then they should have no right to force her to see other guys, etc. I can understand that they want the best for their daughter, and they want her to be with someone who has a job, etc...but they shouldn't be so forceful.  Maybe if you sat down with them and explained to them your intentions, and tell them how hard you have been trying to find work..then they will understand a little better where you are coming from.


Erin :)

I usually don't come here, the political junkie that I am, but I really want to thank those of you who have responded top my wonderful wife, Cat.  Some of you may know that she is much younger than me, like more than 10 years.  But she is getting up there.  And those of you who frequented the "Nasty" board know, we enjoy a very active love life - I think I can  say both of us, I cewrtainly enjoy our love play).  My big fear is that a slight slip of the knife and that could be a thing of the past.  I can't imagine life without my wonderful Cat, but I can't imagine subjecting her to the perpetual care of an invilide who can no longer "worship at the temple of Aphroditie".  Nor would I want her to have to endure the pain we would both feel.  The thought is unbearable.  And, I see this now, I have been picking fights with her as a result of my fears.  I love Cat deeply, passionately, and with all my being, and I fear that me fears are coming between us.  I feel like I'm losing my manhood.  I'm scared sh..less.



DC,

I can imagine how scary all of that is for you.  I know even with myself...I don't like the idea of being at the doctors, let alone getting surgery done.  I know there are many things going through your mind, concerning the outcome of it all, etc...and I wish that I had better advice to offer to you...but I will say that being on the boards for nearly a year now...it is apparent how much you and Cat love each other.  I can tell how much you truly mean to one another.  There is comfort right there in knowing that you have someone who will stand beside you, regardless of the situation.  Like we were saying before...hopefully they will find someway around the whole surgery option...and that you back will be able to heal and you'll feel better.  I understand how easy it is to pick fights with your significant other when things worry you, as I do this sometimes with my husband...but you have to keep reassuring each other of your love and commitment..and instead of letting the fear come between the two of you...make it something that brings the two of you closer together, fighting the battle together, as one. Like I said before, you are in my thoughts and I hope all is well with you.


Erin :)

What kinds of things are your friends doing to you?  Are they ignoring you or saying rude things to you?  Has this started since you began dating Lauren?  Sometimes when "one of the guys" gets a girlfriend...the other (single) guys tend to feel slighted/left out, thus resulting in ignoring or straying away from the friend who has a significant other. I have seen this with different people when I was in high school, even with some of my own groups of friends.  It seems like when there is a group of friends (of the same sex) who have been friends for awhile, there for each other all the time...then one or a few of them begin to date and have serious relationships...the "old friendships" sometimes get put on a back burner. That happened with me and a few of my friends in high school.  It seems like all they wanna do is be with their g/f or b/f and they talk about them 24/7...so the "group" ends up getting sick of hearing about it, and they stray away. Do you think this could be happening in your situation?  I realize Justin has a g/f (Beth)...but do your other close friends have g/f's too?


It's fairly split, who's single and who's not. Most are either in hopeless situations, or just aren't looking. But it's been since before now, I'm just getting fed up with the abuse now. And I've been careful to spend a good bit of time with Lauren, but not to compromise my friendship's. I know that happens sometimes, so I was careful to try to avoid it.

What they're doing.. it's bascially treating me like less then everyone else. I get a lot of put-downs (I'm pretty used to this, but it's starting to piss me off now), a lot of times I'm just not invited, people tend to forget me a lot, and lately I'm feeling ignored.


The deal with your parents...I just don't understand what the heck they expect from you.  You are a good kid Andrew, I would be proud to have you as my son.  You are very smart, fun to be around, and you don't get into trouble like a LOT of other teenagers do nowadays.  It seems like they expect SO much from you.  I wonder if it would have been the same if you had siblings instead of being an only child?  I have never had the experience of being an only child (have 2 sisters)...but I could imagine that it would be difficult, as the attention (whether good or bad) would ALWAYS be focused on YOU.  Has you dad always been this way...even when you were younger or has it started since you have gotten older...closer to teenage years?  Do you and your dad ever have "heart to heart" talks....or is that totally out of the question?  Is there ANYTHING at all that you can say that they two of you have in common, and actually get along doing? Something that perhaps could become a focal point so that the two of you could remain on the same side of the game, instead of constantly opposing one another?  I really feel for you Andrew, it's not cool having parents who are always on your case, no matter what the situation regards. I wish there was more that I could offer to you as advice...all I know is that they need to lay off of you and realize what a great kid you really are!

My father and I don't really bond on anything.. and he's always had this personality. I somehow became every trait people have that he hates in society. And then he gets pissed at me when I'm not happy with myself. There's nothing we've ever gotten along doing, there is always a fight or tension. ALWAYS. I don't even oppose him, he FINDS some way to put us on opposite sides of the fence.



Now...how have you ruined your chances of a higher education?  You are still young Andrew...and even though you feel like the world is caving in...things may change within a few years.  You see...this should be your refuge, your proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel"...because when the time comes to venture off to college...then that will be the time you can start your own life..away from your parents.  Once you are 18, they have no say so over your life any longer...and you can go where ever you please.  I understand that you have very low self-worth...but you are a very intelligent young man, someone who can make it far in the world. You have lots of great ideas, you are talented in music , and you have book smarts as well.  You need to focus totally on the positives that will be produced, concerning you going away to college.  Ask anyone...college is a whole different world than high school. You meet so many interesting types of people there and you are able to express yourself so much more than in high school. I really think that college will do you really well...so that's why you have to really look forward to those years to come.

I have a B in Math and Chemistry from last marking period, and this marking period isn't looking any better. My parents blame "distractions", and therefore want to eliminate what pathetic portion of a social life I have, and any sort of recreation they can think of. I honestly don’t have any real intelligence, just a good memory. And that doesn’t do anything for anyone. That’s where I don’t have a chance at college. The only college I can go with at this point is the one in town, which my mother gets for free from her job. So I’m stuck here, in this house, in this town, with no purpose to society…. And without that, I have no purpose to.. anyone, really.

I know sometimes it is hard to focus on the good things in life, I have trouble doing that myself...but you really need to try doing so.  It seems like you have a really nice girlfriend who totally digs you, you have some good friends on this forum who really care about you,  you have your music, which seems really important to you. Things will get better....sometimes it takes longer than you hope it would..hang in there.


My parents are trying to figure out how to get rid of music in my life, actually. It’s about the only thing I’ve got left TO care about. The eventual goal is to make it so that I have nothing to do but spend time with my parents, so I eventually adopt their traits and become them.

Howard,

I can totally understand how hard this must be for you. I think that it is totally unfair that they are putting a time limit on you finding a job and thus, giving you an ultimatum on top of it.  Do they realize how hard you are trying to get a job? Have you sat down with them and really explained to them that you love their daughter and that you are seriously trying real hard to find employment?  It seems like you volunteer a lot? Do they know that you do this?  See, to me, knowing that you are out at least volunteering is showing them that you aren't just lazy, sitting at home, not wanting to work..etc.  It's not easy finding a job nowadays...and it seems like you are putting lots of applications in and even following up with them afterwards too. It's just a shame that Robin's parents have such a hold over her (a grown, adult woman)..that they feel the need to totally rule her life.  If Robin is in love with you and happy with you...then they should have no right to force her to see other guys, etc. I can understand that they want the best for their daughter, and they want her to be with someone who has a job, etc...but they shouldn't be so forceful.  Maybe if you sat down with them and explained to them your intentions, and tell them how hard you have been trying to find work..then they will understand a little better where you are coming from.


Erin :)



See,Robin's parents want the best for their daughter so sometimes you just can't please them all.I've talked to them but I've haven't sat down to talk with them in 8 months since the first day I met them.I'm more afraid of The father than the Mother cause the father has more of a serious look on his face.The Mother is more nicer but no one knows for sure.

See,Robin's parents want the best for their daughter so sometimes you just can't please them all.I've talked to them but I've haven't sat down to talk with them in 8 months since the first day I met them.I'm more afraid of The father than the Mother cause the father has more of a serious look on his face.The Mother is more nicer but no one knows for sure.



maybe you guys can all plan a day and go out for dinner together...and then you can discuss with them your intentions, etc.??




Erin :)

maybe you guys can all plan a day and go out for dinner together...and then you can discuss with them your intentions, etc.??




Erin :)


We'll see I'm not sure yet.That sounds like a good idea.I'll let you know what happens.

We'll see I'm not sure yet.That sounds like a good idea.I'll let you know what happens.



Ok...cool!




Erin :)

Ok...cool!




Erin :)


Robin's parents are probably thinking to themselves as to what Howard's inentions are with my daughter Robin.

Robin's parents are probably thinking to themselves as to what Howard's inentions are with my daughter Robin.


I just think YOU need to tell THEM, face to face of how hard you have been trying to get a job.  It seems like they are hearing things through Robin..but not getting the entire story. Maybe if they heard it from you personally, it would show that you are taking an initiative to inform them of your intentions.




Erin ;)

what a nice idea for a thread!  ;)

i take it you live in AU? and are visiting st. louis?

i have a similar problem when i go to the UK. my parents are there and i love them, but i don't really know anybody there so it's pretty lonely. i'm thinking of, before the next time i go out there, getting on the personals and, they always have a section for friends/activity partners, getting with some folks on there. it seems sorta lame, but the only other thing is hanging around in bars, and that's even lamer.

other possibilities are political groups -- just find some folks on your end of the political spectrum and organize, organize, organize! i've been having some success with this meetup.com stuff, too, but that might be busier here in washington d.c. than in st. louis...


Your close, i'm from the U.K and have moved to St. Louis  ;)
One reason i moved here was because my grandparents (who i'm very close to) are getting older and obviously need help with a lot more things. I usually go over there at least once or twice a week and do some work at their house, in the yard etc. Same as you, i love em with all my heart, but it's not all there is ya know.
Which part of the U.K do your parents live in?

To be honest, a lot of it is my fault. I'm fairly insular, i have problems with people. Nothing major, i'm not paranoid or anything, i just tend to like who i know and not trust to many other people. It's sad really but i'm just carefull with people. I think i need to get over myself and be more open with people (like Erin said). Not to blow my own horn, but i know i'm a likeable guy. I'm always happy to help and as far as i'm aware people enjoy spending time with me.. i think the key here is i need to get over myself  ;D Time to remove the Pariah label.

Here is the situation. Some of you may be aware that Carlos has been having back problems. Come to find out he has a hernated disc. He has done p.t. chiropractic, meds, etc. and it is not getting any better. Even though the doc has not said it, we both feel that it looks like the next step will be "The 'S' word" which we are both scared to death about. We are aware that this proceedure has been done many, many times with great success but it still is scary. I think what is really bother him is that in the worse case scenaro, that I will leave him. I have been trying to reassure him that I am not going anywhere. I don't know if it has sunk in yet. He goes in for a MRI on Monday and we will see what happens after that.


Cat, my mother has the same problem, i don't know the exact problem with Carlos's back, but hers is bad. She tried to just get on with things but she now relys on painkillers just to do basic things. From all the information i read the surgery is far more straightforward than you would think. It's worth getting done, she regrets not having it done earler and is going to the Doctor soon to be put on the waiting list for the surgery. The way you have to look at it is this.. The doctors do that surgery dozens of times a week, better to get it done sooner and recover faster  ;)

I have a B in Math and Chemistry from last marking period, and this marking period isn't looking any better. My parents blame "distractions", and therefore want to eliminate what pathetic portion of a social life I have, and any sort of recreation they can think of. I honestly don’t have any real intelligence, just a good memory. And that doesn’t do anything for anyone. That’s where I don’t have a chance at college. The only college I can go with at this point is the one in town, which my mother gets for free from her job. So I’m stuck here, in this house, in this town, with no purpose to society…. And without that, I have no purpose to.. anyone, really.


GAH!!!  How many times do I have to tell you that a B is not the end of the world?!  Look at me...I've got one F already and another on the way, and I'm more relaxed than you!  A B is good, dammit.  Thousands of people with A/B averages have been accepted to colleges other than SU.  Heck, I'll bet there's A/B students at Ivy League schools.

Stop putting yourself in misery over a good grade.  Hey, I'm all for excellence (look at my dedication to the band and quiz bowl team, and my disappointment with the two when we're not up to par).  But you can't let your quest for excellence ruin your life.  Consider this quote from "What You'll Wish You'd Known", an essay by Paul Graham:

"It's dangerous to design your life around getting into college, because the people you have to impress to get into college are not a very discerning audience...Your life doesn't have to be shaped by admissions officers. It could be shaped by your own curiosity. It is for all ambitious adults."  (By the way, that's a big "..."--I removed about half the essay from between those two sentences.)

The point is, don't ruin your life just worrying about your education, your occupation, your future.  It's not worth it.  The future may be whatever you make it, but it ain't gonna be much if you're constantly worrying.  You'll get into college.  You're smart, whether you think you are or not.  It will all work out.  Just take a deep breath, and enjoy life...as much as you can in your parents' house, anyway.

I have a B in Math and Chemistry from last marking period, and this marking period isn't looking any better. My parents blame "distractions", and therefore want to eliminate what pathetic portion of a social life I have, and any sort of recreation they can think of. I honestly don’t have any real intelligence, just a good memory. And that doesn’t do anything for anyone. That’s where I don’t have a chance at college. The only college I can go with at this point is the one in town, which my mother gets for free from her job. So I’m stuck here, in this house, in this town, with no purpose to society…. And without that, I have no purpose to.. anyone, really.


I got f's during high school  ;)

I'm also stupid as sheesh.

I'm also a college student now  ;D

I usually don't come here, the political junkie that I am, but I really want to thank those of you who have responded top my wonderful wife, Cat.  Some of you may know that she is much younger than me, like more than 10 years.  But she is getting up there.  And those of you who frequented the "Nasty" board know, we enjoy a very active love life - I think I can  say both of us, I cewrtainly enjoy our love play).  My big fear is that a slight slip of the knife and that could be a thing of the past.  I can't imagine life without my wonderful Cat, but I can't imagine subjecting her to the perpetual care of an invilide who can no longer "worship at the temple of Aphroditie".  Nor would I want her to have to endure the pain we would both feel.  The thought is unbearable.  And, I see this now, I have been picking fights with her as a result of my fears.  I love Cat deeply, passionately, and with all my being, and I fear that me fears are coming between us.  I feel like I'm losing my manhood.  I'm scared sh..less.



I have told you many, many times, you can't get rid of me if you wanted to. I have also told you that is NOT the reason why I love you so. Just know that you are no alone in this and I am right beside you every step of the way. I love you with every fiber of my being.  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*



And to everyone who has responded, thank you. Please try to keep resurring this man that I love so much.



Cat

GAH!!!  How many times do I have to tell you that a B is not the end of the world?!  Look at me...I've got one F already and another on the way, and I'm more relaxed than you!  A B is good, dammit.  Thousands of people with A/B averages have been accepted to colleges other than SU.  Heck, I'll bet there's A/B students at Ivy League schools.

Stop putting yourself in misery over a good grade.  Hey, I'm all for excellence (look at my dedication to the band and quiz bowl team, and my disappointment with the two when we're not up to par).  But you can't let your quest for excellence ruin your life.  Consider this quote from "What You'll Wish You'd Known", an essay by Paul Graham:

"It's dangerous to design your life around getting into college, because the people you have to impress to get into college are not a very discerning audience...Your life doesn't have to be shaped by admissions officers. It could be shaped by your own curiosity. It is for all ambitious adults."  (By the way, that's a big "..."--I removed about half the essay from between those two sentences.)

The point is, don't ruin your life just worrying about your education, your occupation, your future.  It's not worth it.  The future may be whatever you make it, but it ain't gonna be much if you're constantly worrying.  You'll get into college.  You're smart, whether you think you are or not.  It will all work out.  Just take a deep breath, and enjoy life...as much as you can in your parents' house, anyway.




very well put Matt!  I couldn't agree more with you. Here's a true story I would like to share. I was friends with this guy during high school...he was not a good student, he got horrible grades in high school. After he graduated, he decided to go to Clarion University in Pa...it's not a very prestigious school, but alas, still a good state university.  He did very well during college and after he graduated he decided to further his college career and went on to Duquesne University (a more prestigious private university) and obtained his masters degree and is doing very well with his life. To hear about this really shocked me, because when we were in high school, I used to coax him to be more serious about his grades..and here he is much further than I am with his college education.
You don't need to be a straight-A student to be accepted and make it through college....it's just not the case at all!


Erin :)

Not sure if DC will return to this thread, but it'd be a great idea if he could print this off...



I have told you many, many times, you can't get rid of me if you wanted to. I have also told you that is NOT the reason why I love you so. Just know that you are no alone in this and I am right beside you every step of the way. I love you with every fiber of my being.  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Cat


...and memorise it!

Staple it to your forehead if you need to!

Now there's devotion for you...!

With that in mind, the surgery (should it come to that) will be a doddle...!

Untold best wishes to you both...

After he graduated, he decided to go to Clarion University in Pa...it's not a very prestigious school, but alas, still a good state university.


Clarion's on my list  ;) Not a bad school.

Clarion's on my list  ;) Not a bad school.



nope, not at all...infact my dad went there and he really liked it.




Erin :)

Thanks to both Quirk, Paul and Alciholica for your kind words of support and encouragement.  They mean a lot to both me & Cat.  Now that my thick skull has figured out the fight picking things are better.  I go for an MRI tommorow.  We'll keep you posted.  Thanks again.
DC 

Thanks to both Quirk, Paul and Alciholica for your kind words of support and encouragement.  They mean a lot to both me & Cat.  Now that my thick skull has figured out the fight picking things are better.  I go for an MRI tommorow.  We'll keep you posted.  Thanks again.
DC 


Opt for the open MRI.

When they put me in the tube (possible brain trauma  ;D) i hated it.
Although, i doubt your a wuss about these things like i am.