I was thinking about this after reading an article about Ashton and Demi, and their age difference.  He's 27? and she's 42.  Do you think it's wrong to have a relationship with someone way older than you?  I don't at all.  I think if you love someone age shouldn't matter.  But I know on some radio shows like Dr. Joy and Dr. Laura they say to stick to someone close in age to you, but sometimes it's hard to find a man in my age range that is caring a mature.  I have found a guy who is 35 years old, but I've gone out on dates with a man close to 50 and a man in his mid 20s. 
What are your opinions on this?  It's an interesting subject to think about. 

I'm 41 and my gf is 27, weve been going out 4 years, age hasn't been a problem, but she was also not a typical younger person who was partying a lot or out with her friends, everyone says she's very old for her age and actually the more mature in the relationship. I notice the age difference most when I talk about the old days or about music and she has never heard of a band or doesn't comprehend an age without VCRs.

A 20 year old girl and a 47 year old man? Completely reasonable. Why? Because she's 20, she's a grown adult, she knows what's best and what's what.


I don't know. People seem to think just because you hit 18, everything becomes acceptable and fine.

There's a great deal of emotional maturing the 20-year old needs to do still.. she's not so grown yet.

I don't know. People seem to think just because you hit 18, everything becomes acceptable and fine.

There's a great deal of emotional maturing the 20-year old needs to do still.. she's not so grown yet.
Indeed.

I'm 20, but still no where near as mature as you'd think.  ;)

Indeed.

I'm 20, but still no where near as mature as you'd think.  ;)


I know I might have the maturity for someone a few years older then me, but some age differences are just too dramatic.

I know I might have the maturity for someone a few years older then me, but some age differences are just too dramatic.
Some age gaps are smaller than others as far as levels of maturity. Eg: 18 and 23 are quite different, where-as 28 and 33 are not.

I know that's only 5 years, but thats my limit. (Of course I can't go down more than 2 years, though)

Some age gaps are smaller than others as far as levels of maturity. Eg: 18 and 23 are quite different, where-as 28 and 33 are not.

I know that's only 5 years, but thats my limit. (Of course I can't go down more than 2 years, though)
Did that make sense?  :o

Did that make sense?  :o


Perfect sense, actually.. as people emotionally mature (I think the real time of that is mid-to-late 20s), it becomes better.

Also, it depends on the gender, especially at this age. I remember hearing that 18 is when guys tend to hit their prime.. that is, the time they most often want to have sex.. so, naturally, a younger girl should not be getting into relationships with someone going through this time in their life, especially if she doesn't really know him too well.

Some age gaps are smaller than others as far as levels of maturity. Eg: 18 and 23 are quite different, where-as 28 and 33 are not.



I think I agree with you.  The age gap matters less as you get older.  It is difficult in the late teens/early twenties because there is a lot of difference in experience of life at that age.

Of course I'm speaking in generalities here.

It is difficult in the late teens/early twenties because there is a lot of difference in experience of life at that age.
Yes. An 18 year old is usually just getting out of school, where-as a 23 year old may have finished university as has started full-time employment (In some cases, maybe getting ready to settle down, although highly unlikely this day and age). Just my observation.

Yes. An 18 year old is usually just getting out of school, where-as a 23 year old may have finished university as has started full-time employment (In some cases, maybe getting ready to settle down, although highly unlikely this day and age). Just my observation.


I got married when I was 23. and had been working for 6 years.

but sometimes it's hard to find a man in my age range that is caring a mature. 


Can I ask something which is going to sound a lot harsher than it should ?  Your profile says you are 33, yet you say the above...

So the question I have is : "Is it possible that you are looking for a standard that simply doesn't exist?"  Are you looking for the perfect man ?  They simply don't exist, as does not the perfect woman  :-\\

I ask that because I think by that age 'range' as you put it, there have got to be at least some guys who fall into the caring and mature category ?  :(

I got married when I was 23. and had been working for 6 years.
Of course my observation was stereotypical of people I know.  ;)

I think it depends on how much you have in common with the person concerned. If the couple share a lot of interests and a deep connection with each other, it can work out quite well.

It's when both lose touch of one another because they don't appreciate the age difference involved, that's a big problem.

Of course my observation was stereotypical of people I know.  ;)


Whereas of the people I was at school with I was one of the last to get married.  Certainly one of the last to have children.  Conversely of my husband's friends (who all went to Uni) we were one of the first to get married and have children!

I say this all the time for anything relating to race, age, gender etc - everyone is different. ;)

In other words, it depends on the individual person(s) how they'll get on in a dating/personal relationship. Some will merely base it on age and be like, "Oh a 20 year old dating a 40 year old isn't gonna work, etc" but I personally don't think that's a fair thing to solely base it on.

Perhaps if it's a massive difference, that could be part of the reason some relationships don't work out, but seldom the only reason. If it's not working, chances are it runs deeper than that, and the biological statistics are just an easy thing to look at. If the emotional and friendly connection works, that's what matters the most.

I may sound like Jerry Springer and his Final Thought (which isn't necesarilly a bad thing! He's an intelligent guy), but maybe I'm kinda more open to this sort of thing because I've often seen it happen with good results. My mom is 16 years younger than my dad (they were 24 and 40 when they were married) and still together.

Also, I have a good rapport with people both younger and older than me (plus, I've always liked older women, lol :D), so I could see it working with me as well. In fact, when I was younger, I tended to get along with older people better than those my own age. And because I think it's best to be friends with a potential boy/girlfriend first, that's an important thing.

Some people click and some don't. Simple as that.

The bad examples tend to get noted far more than the good examples. It's almost much like TV news works - if there's 1 offense commited out of every 10 homeless people (just an example!), the news will shine light on that one negative example for all to see. The other 9 good ones won't, so that's what we tend to hear about.

In essence, it makes the bad seem more than it really is. That's just the way society has become in many ways I think.

So for every May-December thing that ends in disaster, there's bound to be many more we never will know about that have a happy ending. :)

Age shouldn't matter ( except if its a minor). Its how you feel about one another.  ;)Don't go comparing your relationships with movie stars either. Everyone knows, MOST of those don't last anyways, and I view some of their marriages as jokes.  ;D
Do what makes you happy and don't worry what OTHERS think. Take it one day at a time and just let it grow. Don't rush things. :)

I say this all the time for anything relating to race, age, gender etc - everyone is different. ;)

In other words, it depends on the individual person(s) how they'll get on in a dating/personal relationship. Some will merely base it on age and be like, "Oh a 20 year old dating a 40 year old isn't gonna work, etc" but I personally don't think that's a fair thing to solely base it on.

Perhaps if it's a massive difference, that could be part of the reason some relationships don't work out, but seldom the only reason. If it's not working, chances are it runs deeper than that, and the biological statistics are just an easy thing to look at. If the emotional and friendly connection works, that's what matters the most.

I know I'm starting to sound like Jerry Springer and his Final Thought, but maybe I'm kinda more open to this sort of thing because I've often seen it happen with good results. My mom is 16 years younger than my dad (they were 24 and 40 when they were married) and still together.

Also, I have a good rapport with people both younger and older than me (plus, I've always liked older women, lol :D), so I could see it working with me as well. In fact, when I was younger, I tended to get alone with older people better than those my own age. And because I think it's best to be friends with a potential boy/girlfriend first, that's an important thing.

Some people click and some don't. Simple as that.

The bad examples tend to get noted far more than the good examples. It's almost much like TV news works - if there's 1 offense commited out of every 10 homeless people (just an example!), the news will shine light on that one negative example for all to see. The other 9 good ones won't, so that's what we tend to hear about.

In essence, it makes the bad seem more than it really is. That's just the way society has become in many ways I think.

So for every May-December thing that ends in disaster, there's bound to be many more we never will know about that have a happy ending. :)


You are a breath of fresh air, you know that Marty?  ;D

A great positive message about, not just age difference, but about love and companionship in general.

What I want to know now is, with all this rationale behind you, why haven't you found yourself a woman yet?  ;D

AFA myself, hubby is 7 years older than I am.  I was 23 and he was 30 when we got married and I can honestly say that the age difference seemed a lot greater THEN than it does NOW.

My husband is 3 years younger than me.  I was almost 26 and he was almost 23 when we got married. 

Interestingly, I found through my experiences that younger men were more mature than the older men I dated. 

I also forgot to add that my dad is almost 10 years older than my mom & they've been married 46 years :)


My dad is 9 years older than my mom and they have been married for 47 years.  :)

You are a breath of fresh air, you know that Marty?  ;D

A great positive message about, not just age difference, but about love and companionship in general.

What I want to know now is, with all this rationale behind you, why haven't you found yourself a woman yet?  ;D


You're a nice guy Bob. :)

I've often asked myself that question. There's been times I've seen a girl going with some guy, and I've thought, Well geez, I think I'm nicer than THAT dude, or The things she's looking for in a boyfriend, dang, I'm already like that, no problem. I wonder why these guys have girlfriends and I don't, etc.

It's not that I couldn't, I guess I just don't, because I haven't really tried. Believe me, most dates/semi girlfriends I've had in my life has been through friends or at school, etc - and with a HELL of alot of coaxing needed on my part. :D

Just like with anything, I'm kind of a perfectionist, so I don't wanna mess it up.

I guess in short, it boils down to the fact that -- I've always been knowledgeable about things (anyone who knows me would say this), but I'm not experienced. This tends to shine through on many levels - I often "play it safe" and don't take chances at things I'm kinda new/inexperienced at. But I guess I'm slowly learning that won't always work.

As far as the topic goes - I've found the reason I get on so well with older women is because I'm more able to just be myself. Less peer pressure or feeling like I've always gotta be cool (well, I still probably try a little then anyway, lol).

P.S. The only thing that makes me angry about myself getting older (in this regard), is the more time passes, the less "significant" of an age difference it will be between the age of myself as a (possible) older gf. Not that it matters of course -- like I was saying all along the person matters, not the age -- but I guess ever since I was a kid, the "older woman" thing is one idea I always sorta liked.

^ Did I say that out loud or just think it? ;D

It depends on the two people. I have dated a few people much older than I am since I started dated. When I was 15, I dated a guy who was 23 and when I was 17, I dated a guy who was 27.  :o  Looking back, I know I was WAY too young for both of these guys (that is why it didn't work) and then I started dating guys about the same age as I was (give or take a couple of years) but that didn't work either. Which tells me that age has nothing to do with it.

However, I think there is probably the biggest age difference between me and Carlos than any other couple on this board-17 years  :o and I think our relationship is WONDERFUL! So, we don't quite share the same pop-culture that we were brought up on (with me it was the Partridge Family and the Brady Bunch, with him it was Hop-a-Long Cassidy and Have Gun Will Travel) but we do share the same interests, the same values, and the same respect for each other. And that is what really counts.



Cat

You're a nice guy Bob. :)

I've often asked myself that question. There's been times I've seen a girl going with some guy, and I've thought, Well geez, I think I'm nicer than THAT dude, or The things she's looking for in a boyfriend, dang, I'm already like that, no problem. I wonder why these guys have girlfriends and I don't, etc.

It seems to be apparent that women do like a bit of that 'edge' in men.

It's not that I couldn't, I guess I just don't, because I haven't really tried. Believe me, most dates/semi girlfriends I've had in my life has been through friends or at school, etc - and with a HELL of alot of coaxing needed on my part. :D

Just like with anything, I'm kind of a perfectionist, so I don't wanna mess it up.

You won't get a chance to mess things up if you don't make the chances for yourself.

I guess in short, it boils down to the fact that -- I've always been knowledgeable about things (anyone who knows me would say this), but I'm not experienced. This tends to shine through on many levels - I often "play it safe" and don't take chances at things I'm kinda new/inexperienced at. But I guess I'm slowly learning that won't always work.

That is me too but I'm learning.  :-\\  :)

As far as the topic goes - I've found the reason I get on so well with older women is because I'm more able to just be myself. Less peer pressure or feeling like I've always gotta be cool (well, I still probably try a little then anyway, lol).

I know what you mean. I guess there is this thing were older women are more likely to let you down gently too.

P.S. The only thing that makes me angry about myself getting older (in this regard), is the more time passes, the less "significant" of an age difference it will be between the age of myself as a (possible) older gf. Not that it matters of course -- like I was saying all along the person matters, not the age -- but I guess ever since I was a kid, the "older woman" thing is one idea I always sorta liked.

I have often thought that too, lol. At least it gives you an increased chance in getting a girl younger than you.  ;D

^ Did I say that out loud or just think it? ;D

I think you might want to go back in time to remedy the situation.  ;D

I also agree that it depends on the situation.  I am 1 1/2 years older than Chris....I can't really see much of a difference there, as we have grown up basically in the same time period. My ex-husband was almost 9 years older than me...and I could see a difference there. I mean, ya, he was a nutjob and everything...but putting that all aside, he grew up with different things than I did...and even though my knowledge of music, movies, etc from different decades is on the advanced side...I still found myself sometimes in the position where I was thinking, "what are you talking about?"


I have a cousin who is married to a guy who is like 25 years older than her...infact, he was her next door neighbor when she was just a baby :o Sounds completely odd...but he is really good to her..and I guess they have a good relationship.


So, it really does depend on the person's situation...but I really don't see anything wrong with it, unless of course it is gross...like a young teen with some old guy (ew :P)! LOL!


Erin :)

I hate to pipe in here because for one 1) it perfectly fits my own life situation, and 2) I feel almost too inclined to agree with it. But, because I am in an way younger/much older relationship myself, these are my observations -

I am about 7 mos. from turning 24 - my boyfriend just turned 42. Sounds shocking, huh?

Well, lets put some consideration into this before people begin to judge:

Here is what he isn't:
He isn't ultra-wealthy
He isn't Brad Pitt (who, believe it or not, is also about to turn 42)
He has no children
He has never been married

Here is what he is:
He's kind and caring
He's a hard worker
He's my knight in shining armour
He's funny, smart and witty

           Our relationship has been built on trust, getting to know one another, sharing things together, laughing, eating, and just enjoying our company. It's such an unusual situation that niether of us probably ever imagined ourselves to be in. Yet right now I feel if I lost him, I'd lose my other half.

           We both know that my youth and his growing older is a factor in our relationship - there is no denying that he's getting grey around the edges and that his wrinkles are beginning to creep in while I am only beginning to settle into my own skin as a mid-twentysomething.

            All we both know is that being together is what makes us happiest, and until that ceases to exist, age should not stop us from being happy.

I also agree that it depends on the situation.  I am 1 1/2 years older than Chris....I can't really see much of a difference there, as we have grown up basically in the same time period. My ex-husband was almost 9 years older than me...and I could see a difference there. I mean, ya, he was a nutjob and everything...but putting that all aside, he grew up with different things than I did...and even though my knowledge of music, movies, etc from different decades is on the advanced side...I still found myself sometimes in the position where I was thinking, "what are you talking about?"



That's exactly right. The connection has got to be there otherwise you will both be left with quiet nights ahead of you.  ;D

I hate to pipe in here because for one 1) it perfectly fits my own life situation, and 2) I feel almost too inclined to agree with it. But, because I am in an way younger/much older relationship myself, these are my observations -

I am about 7 mos. from turning 24 - my boyfriend just turned 42. Sounds shocking, huh?

Well, lets put some consideration into this before people begin to judge:

Here is what he isn't:
He isn't ultra-wealthy
He isn't Brad Pitt (who, believe it or not, is also about to turn 42)
He has no children
He has never been married

Here is what he is:
He's kind and caring
He's a hard worker
He's my knight in shining armour
He's funny, smart and witty

           Our relationship has been built on trust, getting to know one another, sharing things together, laughing, eating, and just enjoying our company. It's such an unusual situation that niether of us probably ever imagined ourselves to be in. Yet right now I feel if I lost him, I'd lose my other half.

           We both know that my youth and his growing older is a factor in our relationship - there is no denying that he's getting grey around the edges and that his wrinkles are beginning to creep in while I am only beginning to settle into my own skin as a mid-twentysomething.

            All we both know is that being together is what makes us happiest, and until that ceases to exist, age should not stop us from being happy.


And both of your happiness is what it's all about, Krissie.  8)

I hate to pipe in here because for one 1) it perfectly fits my own life situation, and 2) I feel almost too inclined to agree with it. But, because I am in an way younger/much older relationship myself, these are my observations -

I am about 7 mos. from turning 24 - my boyfriend just turned 42. Sounds shocking, huh?

Well, lets put some consideration into this before people begin to judge:

Here is what he isn't:
He isn't ultra-wealthy
He isn't Brad Pitt (who, believe it or not, is also about to turn 42)
He has no children
He has never been married

Here is what he is:
He's kind and caring
He's a hard worker
He's my knight in shining armour
He's funny, smart and witty

           Our relationship has been built on trust, getting to know one another, sharing things together, laughing, eating, and just enjoying our company. It's such an unusual situation that niether of us probably ever imagined ourselves to be in. Yet right now I feel if I lost him, I'd lose my other half.

           We both know that my youth and his growing older is a factor in our relationship - there is no denying that he's getting grey around the edges and that his wrinkles are beginning to creep in while I am only beginning to settle into my own skin as a mid-twentysomething.

            All we both know is that being together is what makes us happiest, and until that ceases to exist, age should not stop us from being happy.




It sounds like you guys have a very loving relationship, Krissie....and age doesn't seem to make any difference there at all.  I am happy for ya!



Erin :)

I hate to pipe in here because for one 1) it perfectly fits my own life situation, and 2) I feel almost too inclined to agree with it. But, because I am in an way younger/much older relationship myself, these are my observations -

I am about 7 mos. from turning 24 - my boyfriend just turned 42. Sounds shocking, huh?

Well, lets put some consideration into this before people begin to judge:

Here is what he isn't:
He isn't ultra-wealthy
He isn't Brad Pitt (who, believe it or not, is also about to turn 42)
He has no children
He has never been married

Here is what he is:
He's kind and caring
He's a hard worker
He's my knight in shining armour
He's funny, smart and witty

            Our relationship has been built on trust, getting to know one another, sharing things together, laughing, eating, and just enjoying our company. It's such an unusual situation that niether of us probably ever imagined ourselves to be in. Yet right now I feel if I lost him, I'd lose my other half.

            We both know that my youth and his growing older is a factor in our relationship - there is no denying that he's getting grey around the edges and that his wrinkles are beginning to creep in while I am only beginning to settle into my own skin as a mid-twentysomething.

            All we both know is that being together is what makes us happiest, and until that ceases to exist, age should not stop us from being happy.



Ok, so you beat us with the age difference. But, I whole-heartedly agree with you. You sound as happy as Carlos and I are.




Cat

I prefer older men to younger men. I dated a guy who was 6 months younger then me. He was a total jerk and was so immature, I couldn't stand it. Now I'm with someone a few years older then me. I like it better that way.  My parents also have a 8 year gap betwen them ( father is older then mother) and they get along famously.

Ok, so you beat us with the age difference. But, I whole-heartedly agree with you. You sound as happy as Carlos and I are.




Cat


Thank you! :0) As they say, "Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks"

I prefer older men to younger men. I dated a guy who was 6 months younger then me. He was a total jerk and was so immature, I couldn't stand it.


You know, that's another thing that's made me hesitate a bit with girls closer to my age - feeling like I have to prove I'm not like that. ;)

If you're meaning "17 will get you 20", it made perfect sense ;)


AFA myself, hubby is 7 years older than I am.  I was 23 and he was 30 when we got married and I can honestly say that the age difference seemed a lot greater THEN than it does NOW.

I also forgot to add that my dad is almost 10 years older than my mom & they've been married 46 years :)
Yes, of course "age" doesn't matter. I guess what I am saying is maturity levels do matter. I feel, even in the last 2-3 years that myself and people around me (my age) have matured heaps.

Ummm... (I can't make posts like this before my morning coffee  ;)) ...But yeah, age shouldn't matter, if 2 people really love each other. 46 years? Thats great!  :)

I hate to pipe in here because for one 1) it perfectly fits my own life situation, and 2) I feel almost too inclined to agree with it. But, because I am in an way younger/much older relationship myself, these are my observations -

I am about 7 mos. from turning 24 - my boyfriend just turned 42. Sounds shocking, huh?

Well, lets put some consideration into this before people begin to judge:

Here is what he isn't:
He isn't ultra-wealthy
He isn't Brad Pitt (who, believe it or not, is also about to turn 42)
He has no children
He has never been married

Here is what he is:
He's kind and caring
He's a hard worker
He's my knight in shining armour
He's funny, smart and witty

           Our relationship has been built on trust, getting to know one another, sharing things together, laughing, eating, and just enjoying our company. It's such an unusual situation that niether of us probably ever imagined ourselves to be in. Yet right now I feel if I lost him, I'd lose my other half.

           We both know that my youth and his growing older is a factor in our relationship - there is no denying that he's getting grey around the edges and that his wrinkles are beginning to creep in while I am only beginning to settle into my own skin as a mid-twentysomething.

            All we both know is that being together is what makes us happiest, and until that ceases to exist, age should not stop us from being happy.


You could borrow a line from Doc Brown and say, "I never knew I could write anything so touching." :)

Really I'm happy for you guys - sounds like you've got a perfect relationship.

I really don't think it matters, so long as both of them know what they're getting into.

For instance, A 13 year old girl and a 40 year old man. That's not gonna turn out too well.

But if we fast forward it a few years...

A 20 year old girl and a 47 year old man? Completely reasonable. Why? Because she's 20, she's a grown adult, she knows what's best and what's what.



actually... I dated a forty year old woman when I was 13  ;D

My friend's had a 'formal meeting' with a woman who's 28 (he's 17), and she's married!!!!! The part that gets me is that he's small, fat and ugly so she must be one desperate housewife

actually... I dated a forty year old woman when I was 13  ;D


Well, let's do the math. I was born in 1981 - so....if you invent a time machine in the future, better not take it back to 1994 or '95.

My 13 year-old self might be a teeny bit jealous of your 13 year-old self if he were to see this post (well, in a way he is seeing it 11 years later, but you know what I mean). ;D

Of course I have a feeling you're just joking anyway, LOL. ;)

About a 5-10 year difference.Just as long as I'm not dating my Mother who is 60 Years Old. ;D

About a 5-10 year difference.Just as long as I'm not dating my Mother who is 60 Years Old. ;D


I think your mother is happily suited to your father, Howard.  ;D

I think your mother is happily suited to your father, Howard.  ;D



I know that I was making a point.

I know that I was making a point.


Alright then.  ;D

actually... I dated a forty year old woman when I was 13  ;D



Was her name Mary Kay Letourneau?




Cat

Was her name Mary Kay Letourneau?




Cat



Were you Billy Fulau? :o